Author: Karri (aka Bradley)
Rating: PG, and...hope you are sitting down...DJ
Summary: Dawson and Joey each come to terms with Jen's death...can they be
there for everyone else?
Part III, "Letting Go"
Joey stood near the window, leaning her forehead against the cold window
pane. This all seemed like some sort of bad dream. She thought to when she
first met Jen, how badly she wanted her out of Dawson's life. It was so
ironic how things change, how people grow and become important to you. Jen
was probably her closest female friend. She wasn't sure how to process the
fact that she was gone. Samuel sighed in his sleep.
She walked over to the bed, kneeling down to brush his sweaty hair away
from his face. Dawson lay close to him, and she let herself forget about
the pain of losing Jen for a moment. She basked in the image of Dawson, the
man she loved so very much, the man who meant everything to her, curled up
with this little boy. "Soon," she thought aloud. She was surprised to see
Dawson's eyes staring back at her.
"You okay, Jo?" The warmth and concern in his voice brought a sad smile to
her face. Dawson had always been her protector. "As well as I can be,
Dawson. I'm glad you were able to sleep." She laid down quietly beside
Samuel, the little boy turning in his sleep to face her. "How wonderful
does this feel. You. Me. Samuel. If things were different." Her voice
trailed off. Different. She had always known she wanted a family of her
own, but there was the same fear she felt when Dawson had asked her to
marry him. The fear of responsibility. The fear of failure. The fear of
emotional disaster.
Dawson watched her with a steady gaze. As always, he seemed to know exactly
what she was thinking. "You know, Dawson, I was thinking back to the very
first day I met Jen. You and Pacey could barely get out a coherent
sentence, and I was so insecure that I couldn't even think straight. But
without Jen, I don't know how much longer it would have taken us to come
about, how you would have survived the summer I left you behind, how we
would have started off married life without all her advice." He smiled at
her sadly, tucking her hair behind her ear, careful not to wake Samuel. He
always knew when she needed to talk. She took a deep breath, holding onto
his hand and pulling it close to her cheek. "I guess I am just scared of
losing people in my life, Dawson."
There. She said it. Not that he didn't already know it, of course, but
saying it made her feel better. They laced their fingers together, Dawson
propping himself up on an elbow to kiss her lightly on the nose. "Joey. I
understand. But you know I am not going anywhere. After everything you have
put me through, and the fact we are still attached at the hip, you have to
know that." Batting him quietly, she could only shake her head in
amusement. She did know that. But she was still afraid.
"It's funny, you know," Dawson said, getting up to stand by the window,
running his fingers through his hair, "how people come in and out of your
life. You never realize their full impact until it is too late." Joey
watched as he looked at Jen's house and shut his eyes tightly. Her heart
ached for him. As threatened as she had once been by Jen, she now easily
accepted the role Jen played in both their lives, how much Dawson cared for
Jen. She stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
A lone figure in the yard caught her attention. He stood stoically against
the wind, his hands tucked in his pockets, looking at Jen's house with an
indistinguishable expression. She and Pacey had drifted apart not long
after their summer trip, and the memories of it all were too painful to
relive. She wrote him occasionally, more out of a sense of obligation than
anything. Her arms tightened around Dawson. "Should we go speak to him?"
Dawson's friendship with Pacey was a long ago casualty, but she knew her
husband, almost better than she knew herself. She knew he still cared for
Pacey.
He turned, holding on to her for a moment more, and kissed her softly on
the lips. "I'll go, Joey. Let's take Samuel down and see what my parents
need help with. I know Pacey is hurting as much as we are." This man never
ceased to amaze her. His endless capacity for emotion, for love, for
forgiveness. She had taken it for granted for so long. It was only a part
of the reason she loved him as much as she did.
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