Author: Karri (Bradley)
Rating: PG, and Dawson/Joey (surprise)
Summary: Will Joey and Dawson be honest with each other?
Part Four, "Beginning of Tomorrow"
"Joey, if I have to read one more poem, I think I will be seriously ill. And I even like poetry. But this is too much." Dawson flopped on his back on Joey's bed. She laughed, lying next to him, her head resting on his arm. "C'mon, Dawson. Didn't the pain dissipate somewhat after the hundredth poem you read during the first week? Here we are, nearly finished with the fall term. You have to be numb by now." He nodded in agreement. "Numb, yes. Prepared for my English 101 final exam, no."
He reached over and took the book from her hands as she brushed a strand of hair from his eyes. She marveled at the changes in him, in their relationship, even in her self, during the past three months. On one hand, everything seemed a blur: classes, studying, getting lost in New York, phone calls to Capeside. But the one thing that defined it all was Dawson. They had discovered each other again, and she took delight in it all. The way he brushed his hand through his hair when he was frustrated. The way his jaw tensed when he was angry. The way he listened to her when she had a bad day. The smile on his face when he spoke about his film and photography classes. The way his eyes danced when he kissed her. She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.
He shifted slightly, turning on his side to look at her. "And what was that for?" She only smiled at him. "For being you, Dawson. I couldn't imagine having gone through my first few months of college alone. Remember I once told you that I had never experienced any significant event without you? Well, it is nice to add this one to the list." He tucked her hair behind her ear and sat up slightly. "I also remember that there was a time when that bothered you." The past few months had been so confusing for him. Spending so much time with Joey, just them, reminded him of all the reasons he loved her. They had never spoken of the kiss they shared under the tree after they arrived, although they had duplicated it more than once. He worried they were destined to be friends?who kissed. Not a horrible arrangement, of course, but not what he really wanted.
Joey watched Dawson rub the bridge of his nose in frustration, knowing what he was thinking. Her heart stopped a little, and she felt her stomach do a turn. She decided to be honest. They needed to get this all out in the open. "There was a time, Dawson. After we first got together, I was terrified. Overwhelmed. To have something I had only dreamt of for so long?" She stopped, drawing in a ragged breath. "I didn't know how to handle it, so I ran from it. I was scared, young, immature. And I think I kept doing that, running from you." Joey reached out to hold his hand as he looked up at her.
"You did keep running, Jo, and I was too scared to go after you. But there was a lot of hurt, on both sides. Neither of us was very honest with the other." She adjusted the pillow behind her back, leaning up against the wall and thought of the words she wanted to say, her forehead wrinkling in concentration.
"Jack, AJ. Especially Pacey. In hindsight, I think they were all substitutes for you, experiences I needed to help me grow and mature. I needed to love someone else to realize how much I cared for you, how special our relationship really was. I am just sorry we lost each other in that process." She felt awkward, spilling her soul like this. But this was Dawson, for goodness sake. He knew everything about her. He deserved to know these feelings.
"Jo, I know what we once were, and what we weren't. But are we ready to try this again? To be more than best friends?" Yes, she spoke silently to herself without hesitation. But the words caught in her throat. There was still the fear, the fear of losing him again if things didn't work, the fear of being so close to someone that they knew your thoughts before you knew them yourself. Dawson sadly watched the play of emotions across her face, and reluctantly let go of her hand as she stood and walked over to the window.
She leaned her forehead against the cold windowpane, gazing at the snow fall softly to the lawn below. She didn't even jump when Dawson came up behind her, sliding his arms around her waist. Joey leaned into him, and they stood in silence, watching the snowfall. She finally spoke. "Remember when we were kids, how we used to make wishes on the snowflakes?" He couldn't repress a smile, leaning forward to rest his head on her shoulder. "I do remember, and I remember that you, Miss Josephine Potter, were greedy one year and ruined our perfect wish record."
She looked up at him, his eyes and face laughing in the growing darkness of the room. "Funny, isn't it?" He was confused. "What, you being greedy?" Lightly elbowing him in the stomach, she turned back around, mesmerized by the quickly falling snow. "No, although that wasn't my most generous moment. I meant you. You and I. How we remember everything."
Dawson shivered, despite the warmth in the room. He did remember everything. Everything that they had once shared. And lost. Everything that he thought he would never find again. He pulled Joey around to face him. But here she was, he thought. Their chance, again. He couldn't let her go. He lightly kissed her neck. "How do I love thee?" he whispered hoarsely, pulling her closer to him and smelling deeply of her, this woman he loved, had always loved. "Let me count the ways." Joey wrapped her arms around his neck, squeezing her eyes shut tightly as wave after wave of emotion washed over her. Dawson's voice continued to whisper across her skin.
"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach." He kissed her, and Joey was instantly reminded of the first real kiss they ever shared. The mix of innocence and passion, the intense sensations that brought tears to her eyes. She felt the room sway around her as he held her close to him, everything so close to the surface. He pulled away regretfully. "I love you, Joey Potter, with the smiles and tears of all my life."
They ended up standing by the bed, Joey pulling Dawson's hand for him to lie beside her. There were no words, no doubts, no second thoughts. He pulled her on top of him and looked into her eyes, kissing her tenderly on the nose. "Jo, are you sure about this? Because this changes everything. You know that." She smiled slightly, unable to contain her love for this man. She had always loved him. "Promise, Dawson?" she whispered, reaching down to kiss him again as the snow continued to fall outside.