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MY FAVORITE DUKES "QUOTES"

 

 

Jesse: "B'sides! When we was makin' corn whiskey, we paid taxes on the corn. Gamblin's a vice. How you gonna tax vice?"

Luke Duke: "Rosco, we're gonna drive ya all the way to the pearly gates, that is if they let you in after what you done to us."

Bo Duke: "What does he look like?"

Luke Duke: "Like a cancelled stamp!"

Cooter: "Shoot fire and save box matches!"

Luke: "Cooter Davenport, you ain't got the sense the good Lord promised a turkey!"

Uncle Jesse: "There you are, my boys, Bo, Luke.... Now get in that barn before I take a whip to you.... That scream's gonna bring out everyone in Hazzard County!"

Rosco: "Buckle up for safety"

Rosco (to either Enos or Cletus): "Dipstick"

Rosco: "Now Boss, you owe me."

WJ: "Now, Boss eats at the Boar's Nest, 'cause his wife, Lulu, is a lousy cook. An' you can tell a lot about a man by what he eats for breakfast. Boss usually has coffee and raw liver. Well, at least he don't dunk it."

Balladeer: "After 30 years as a fairly honest lawman, most of Rosco's pension got defeated in the last bond election. This left Rosco to face retirement on a bad case of hemorrhoids. And about two years left in office to grab all he could. So over night, Rosco became the best lawman that money could buy. He got a rake off for moonshinin’, contraband, and even portable prostitution in two cruisin' RV campers. Now old Rosco is up for re-election. That means the one man he's got to see is Boss Hogg."

THE BALLADEER : Waylon Jennings
Boy I tell you, the day they passed out good luck, Bo and Luke must have been out fishing.
This is Bo Duke and Luke Duke, they're cousins, and they fight the system.
She drives like Richard  Petty,  shoots like Annie Oakley, and knows all of the words to all of Dolly Parton's songs. (referring to Daisy Duke)
The Duke family's been in the moonshine business 50 years before the signin' of the Declaration of Independence and fought everyone from the British to the Confederacy to stay in it.
If Sheriff Rosco runs Hazzard County, Boss Hogg runs Rosco.
You can tell a man by what he eats for breakfast, Boss usually has raw liver.
This is Uncle Jesse, the Duke family patriarch.
Boy, he's got bad taste in his women. (referring to Rosco and Boss dressed as decoys in "Targets Daisy and Lulu"

 

Cooter: What do you think ol' Burt Reynolds would do at a time like this.
Luke: I don't know but I'm sure he'd be doing it with someone a lot prettier than you.

 

Bo: If you weren't my cousin, I'd marry you.

Daisy: That hasn't stopped anybody in this family before!

Bo Duke: "I was fixin' to change your mind, rather Luke is"

Luke Duke: "You know, when I got up this morning, the biggest thing on my mind was to do a little rabbit huntin'."

Rosco: "Dipstick" (reference to Enos)

 

Rosco (to Jesse): I'm not that type of girl!


 

Boss to Rosco: If brains was watermelons you wouldn't have enough seeds to fill a tin.

Lulu: Thank goodness you boys got here just in time!

 

Boss: I don't know how you women do it in this shoes!

 

Uncle Jesse: Now, get her out!!

 

Boss: Rosco, what you lack in brains, you make up for in sheer stupidity.

 

Enos: Will you marry me, Daisy?

Daisy: Of course I will!

 

Jesse: The chances of you two producing a family ranks right up there with hogs producing beef! (speaking to Bo and Luke)

 

Boss: Rosco, if we ever get out of this alive, I'll kill you!

 

Luke: If you don't lose him, you'll have an imitate knowledge of the words aid and abet.

Cooter: Did you hear the evenin' news? He's gonna catch us!

Bo: "Well, we didn't have no choice. See, Luke and me's on probation and can't own no guns. It's either use those bows there or throw rocks."

 

Boss: I wish those Duke boys were on my side.


 

Rosco: "If brains were gunpowder, Enos couldn't blow his nose."

 

Luke: I got it, let's go, Bo.

 

Bo: Uncle Jesse don't take kindly to government assistance.

 

Enos: Who ever has Daisy is mine!

 

 

Boss to Rosco: "You have got the IQ of a watermelon and seeds for brains!"

Balladeer: "So the next mornin', Luke decided to visit the shut-in's. Escortin' Luke to Daisy's cell was Deputy Enos Strate. He and the boys grew up together. Enos had a crush on Daisy. And a reputation of being the oldest virgin in Hazzard County."

 

Daisy: Now get your cotton pickin' paws off!

 

Rosco: Now Mama always said that Enos would find a wife before I do!

 

Enos: The wedding's been postponed due to hives!

 

Rosco: Get your hands off me, you quack!

 

Daisy: Enos has asked me to marry him!

 

Boss to Enos: "What are you scratching your head for considering there ain't nothing in it?"

BAD GUY: Got your ears on plowboy? (referring to the Duke Boys)

 

ROSCO's TRADEMARK QUOTES: "Good News, Good News!", "Shame, Shame Everyone Knows Your Name!", "I Love It, I Love It!", "Law Enforcement is My Life.", "Tiddly Tuddly",  "Judas Priest on a Pony!"

 

.

Jesse: "But Daisy. How many times have I said to you, 'boys, look out for Daisy’? And how many times have you said, 'we will Uncle Jesse'? And what do you do? You get her throwed in jail."

Bo: "Well, we didn't have no choice. See, Luke and me's on probation and can't own no guns. It's either use those bows there or throw rocks."

ENOS' S TRADEMARK QUOTE: "Possum on a gumbush".

 

HAZZARD COUNTY HANDLES:

LOST SHEEP / Lost Sheep 1 & 2 - Bo and Luke Duke

Bo Peep/Country Cousin - Daisy Duke

Shepherd/Uncle Shepherd - Uncle Jesse Duke

Crazy Cooter - Cooter

Daisy. "Are you havin' trouble little lady?"

Daisy: "Yeah! I'm havin' a picnic. Which way to the beach?"

Jesse: pokes Luke "Young man, you think again." You know good and well that this fam'ly don't hold with no gamblin'!"

Bo: pleading "Now, Jesse, we been makin' moonshine for over 200 years. Now, why's gamblin' any different?"

Jesse: very sternly "Because. Makin' whiskey was a fam'ly tradition long before they was a US of A federal government to tell us that we couldn't. An' passin' a law didn't change the fam'ly ways none."

Luke: "Yeah, but, this is somethin' different."