I've walked these streets in a carnival
Of sights to see
All the cheap thrill seekers, the vendors and the dealers
They crowded around me
Have I been blind
Have I been lost inside myself and my own mind
Hypnotized, mesmerized
By what my eyes have seen?
I've walked these streets
In the mad house asylum they can be
Where a wild eyed misfit prophet
On a traffic island stopped
And he raved of saving me
Have I been wrong
Have I been wise
To shut my eyes and play along
Hypnotized, paralyzed
By what my eyes have found?
By what my eyes have seen
What they have seen?
-Carnival
Natalie Merchant
Dawson Leery walked along the dock near the Icehouse, still stunned by the sheer bad luck of devious Abby Morgan seeing Joey emerging from Pacey’s house this morning. From what he’d just seen in the video store, it was apparent that she was telling everyone she saw that Joey and Pacey were sleeping together. They probably were, Dawson thought, sighing, but it wasn’t right for Abby to be spreading rumors all over creation about it.
Dawson wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He had to admit, it freaked him out to think about Joey and Pacey actually having sex. He’d always kind of thought that he’d lose his virginity before Joey did. “That’s what you get for thinking,” he muttered to himself. He stuck his hands in his pockets, feeling very uneasy about Abby and her big mouth. She seemed to live her life solely for stirring up trouble. Dawson had a feeling that Joey would soon be putting in her time as Capeside’s most notorious.
Dawson stopped, gazing out toward the end of the dock. Wasn’t that the girl from his study period? Tori, that was her name. Just Tori. She stood leaning against the railing, and she seemed to be watching the boats in the distance. He’d rudely fallen asleep when she had sat with him in study period. Maybe he should go talk to her and make up for that social error.
He strolled along the wooden dock, getting closer. “Hi, Tori,” he said, not realizing until he was next to her that she was crying.
“Oh, God,” Tori said, embarrassed. She wiped her eyes with the heel of one hand. “Dawson.”
“Are you all right?” Dawson asked, watching her with concern. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”
Tori tried to smile. “Yeah,” she said. “I mean, yeah, I guess I’m all right. You don’t have to go.”
Dawson had always had a weakness for damsels in distress. He waited as she took deep breaths, calming herself. “I’d offer you a tissue,” he said, “but I don’t have any.”
“It’s okay,” Tori said. She met his eyes. “I should have brought my own when I started this pity party.” She shrugged.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Dawson asked.
Tori blushed. She pulled her eyes from his and looked back out over the water. “Maybe when I know you better,” she said finally.
“That’s fair,” Dawson said. They stood together and enjoyed the spring air, and Dawson realized that he did want to know this girl better. He’d barely met her, but there was something about her that he liked. He could feel her stealing glances at him, and he smiled teasingly at her when he caught her eye. “So, hey,” he said. “Have you ever had the Icehouse’s famous greasebucket fries?”
“I don’t think I have,” Tori said.
“C’mon, my treat,” Dawson said. “I want to be the one to introduce you to that culinary delight.”
“How could I turn that down?” Tori said, instantly looking happier.
Dawson dropped a friendly hand onto her shoulder and they walked over to the Icehouse.
“Hi, Bess,” he said, one hand covering the lumpy bulge of Joey’s bra in his jeans pocket. “Is Joey here?” He wondered why he was getting the evil eye. He’d always thought that Bessie liked him.
“Sure,” she said, stepping back out of the doorway. “Come in.”
Sheesh, Pacey thought. You don’t have to sound so happy about it. He followed her into the front room.
“Joey,” Bessie called. Without another word to him, Joey’s sister vanished into the kitchen.
“Damn,” Pacey muttered.
Scowling, Joey came out of the baby’s room. Her expression softened when she saw Pacey. “Hi,” she said. She moved into his arms for a hug.
“What’s wrong with your sister?” he asked. He smoothed her hair away from her neck and planted a kiss there. “She acted like I was a vacuum cleaner salesman while ago.”
“She’s all paranoid now,” Joey complained. “She seems to think we’re hiding the salami every time her back is turned.”
“If only we were,” Pacey said longingly. “By the way,” he whispered, “you left your bra at my house. Doug discovered it in the dryer, and I’m sure he’ll find some way to use that against me.”
“Oh, no.” Joey covered her eyes.
“Hey.” Pacey shrugged. “No big deal. He’s always on my case anyway. A little more won’t hurt.”
“I was wondering what happened to my bra,” Joey said. “Give it to me before Bessie comes back.”
“If you want it, come and get it,” Pacey said perversely. He stepped back and put his hands on his hips.
“You are such a tease,” Joey said. She cast a quick glance toward the kitchen door, then moved in on Pacey. Two could play that game. She smiled mischievously at him. “Where could it be?” She slid her hands around to his blue-jeaned rear, busily pretending to search for the elusive bra.
“You can look as long as you want to,” Pacey told her.
Joey moved one hand around to one of his front pockets. “Nope,” she said, sliding her hand in. “Nothing here but house keys.” She pulled her hand out of his pocket. “Oh, wait. Maybe this is it.”
Pacey stopped breathing when her hand reached its destination.
“Funny, I don’t remember my bra being this...big,” Joey said coyly.
“You are killin’ me,” Pacey said fervently.
A throat-clearing from the direction of the kitchen. Joey and Pacey sprang apart, startled and embarrassed. “I’m getting ready to go to the Icehouse,” Bessie said coldly to Joey, “and you have to watch the baby. Don’t you think it’s time Pacey went home?”
Pacey immediately headed for the door. “I’ll be right back,” Joey said to her sister, following him out.
“She saw me with my hand on your joystick,” Joey said to Pacey.
“Life’s most embarrassing moments,” Pacey said ruefully. “Here,” he said, pulling the hard-won bra out of his pocket and handing it to Joey. She stuffed it into her pocket. “I’ll come back after she’s gone,” he told her softly.
They’d sat for nearly two hours at the Icehouse, eating cold fries and talking. Dawson had told Tori about Abby’s slanderous gossip, about Joey and Pacey, and even about his own feelings of hurt at being left out in the cold by the two of them. Tori was easy to talk to. So easy, in fact, that he’d told her more than he’d intended.
“Why else would she have been coming out of his house early this morning?” Dawson asked. He conveniently forgot the many nights she had slept over at his house. That was different.
Tori had convinced him that he needed to tell Joey what Abby was spreading around about her, so she’d be prepared. “There was a girl a lot like Abby at my old school,” Tori had said, “and she really hurt my reputation. I know how it feels, and there was no one to warn me.” At Dawson’s quizzical look, Tori’d held up one hand.
“I know,” Dawson had sighed. “You’ll tell me about it when you know me better.”
“You’re a quick learner,” Tori’d told him.
Now, they cut across the Potters’ yard and walked up onto the porch. Tori hung back as Dawson knocked on the door. He would never, he thought wryly, attempt to enter Joey’s house without knocking again.
Joey pulled the door open, blinking like she hadn’t seen light for hours. The front room was dark and silent; Dawson could see a faint light from Alex’s room. Joey sighed when she saw that it was him. “Pacey,” she called over her shoulder, “you can come out. It’s just Dawson.”
Pacey sauntered out of the kitchen, looking like he’d been through a war. More likely, Dawson thought, an enthusiastic round of tonsil hockey. “Don’t you guys ever quit?” Dawson said.
“What do you want, Dawson?” Joey snapped, instantly offended. “Don’t you have anything better to do?”
Dawson’s temper flared. He was here to tell Joey something she needed to know, and she was going off on him. Forget this! He turned around to leave and bumped into Tori. She shook her head at him.
“Dawson, wait,” Pacey said. He’d come up behind Joey and put his hands on her shoulders, attempting to soothe her irritation. “What’s going on?”
Dawson turned to face them. “Look,” he said to Joey, “I just thought I would tell you that Abby saw you leaving Pacey’s this morning. She’s telling everyone she can get her hands on that the two of you are humping and pumping, as she put it.”
“That bitch!” Joey spat.
“What was she doing outside my house this morning?” Pacey wanted to know. “That’s a very scary thought.”
“Supposedly she was exercising.” Dawson rolled his eyes. “And she just happened to walk by when Joey was leaving.”
“So that means I’m finished,” Joey said. Her face had turned crimson with anger. “What there was of my reputation is in shreds. Wonderful.” She shrugged out of Pacey’s grip, stalked across the room and went into Bessie and Bodie’s room, slamming the door behind her.
“I believe she’s upset,” Pacey said dryly.
Dawson and Tori looked helplessly at each other.
“I’d better go talk to her,” Pacey said. “Thanks for the news flash.” He grimaced.
*******
When Pacey followed Joey into her sister’s room, he found her standing by the window with her arms wrapped tightly around her middle. “Jo?” he said, approaching her. She was crying, swift angry tears that rolled down her face and fell onto her crossed arms.
“Hey,” he tried, putting an arm around her. “It’ll be okay.”
“Nothing’s okay,” Joey said, turning and leaning against him, burying her face in his shoulder.
Pacey held her, inhaling the warm scent of her skin. “I have an idea,” he said, rocking her from side to side. “Let’s hire someone to kill her. That’ll work.”
Joey raised her head from his shoulder. “This isn’t a joke, Pacey.” Her angry stare pierced him through. “This is my life we’re talking about, and Abby’s trying to ruin it.”
“What about my life?” Pacey demanded, stepping back from her. “Are you saying it doesn’t matter if she talks about me, just you?”
“That’s not what I mean!” Joey paced around in the small space between the window and the bed. “What I’m saying is that I’ll be damned if I’ll let someone trash me for something I didn’t even do!” She wiped her face swiftly. “If I’m gonna do the time, I’m gonna do the crime!”
Pacey stared at her, awed by her fury.
Joey raked her hair back from her face. “So c’mon, Pace.” She sat down on the bed. “Everyone in town thinks we’re going at it...so we might as well. Let’s go.”
Pacey opened his mouth and immediately closed it again. He couldn’t think of a thing to say.
Joey pulled her shirt over her head, and Pacey watched as she tossed it to the floor. She lay back on the bed, holding one hand out to him. Her eyes were still swollen and red from her tears, but she smiled at him. “So what are you waiting for?”