Joey: Look, I need to rent The English Patient. Pacey: May I suggest to you a movie that does not completely blow? Joey: No, because it was on cable last night and it put the baby to sleep. In fact, it's the only thing that's put the baby to sleep, because baby never sleeps. And if baby doesn't sleep, I don't sleep. And if I don't sleep, I get angry. I get irritable. I no longer maintain my sunny deposition. So, Pacey, if you have even the slightest bit of human decency, you'll rent this movie to me immediately and bring 181 minutes of peace into my otherwise wretched life.
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Pacey: See, the three of us have been friends too long and up until now, I've just kind of stood idly by and watched this all go down. But it's time to lay this on the line, okay? You have some raging hormonal obsession for our friend Dawson and you just can't wait to get your hooks into him but good, can you? Huh? Joey: Bite me, Pacey. Pacey: Busted
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Joey: You did it again! You grabbed my ass! Pacey: Like you even have one!
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Dawson: Joey, you're gonna have to kiss him. Joey: I can not and will not kiss that cretin. Dawson: It's a movie, you're playing a character. It's not Pacey you're kissing. Joey: So he's a sea serpent from the deep. What's the difference?
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Joey: He did it again! He grabbed my ass! Pacey: Like you even have one!
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JOEY: What you’re telling me is that you’re the innocent victim of some behavioral psychology experiment gone horribly awry? PACEY: Yes. JOEY: And you’re desperately in need of some able-bodied female to help you provoke some preconditioned, Pavlovian homework response? PACEY: Yes. JOEY: That’s the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard. And I think you should keep in mind that my tutoring services are only available from the neck up.
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PACEY: You know, I was thinking, Potter, you're gonna need a name for this new addition. A suggestion if I may: The Pacey J. Witter Wing. JOEY: Keep talking and it'll be a memorial dedication.
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JOEY (to Pacey): You think because you were together, what she did to you hurts more? It doesn't. There's no difference, Pacey. She's sixteen. And so are you. We talk like we know what's going on, but we don't. We don't know anything. We're really young and we're gonna screw-up a lot. We're gonna keep changing our minds and even sometimes our hearts. And through all that, the only real thing we can offer each other is forgiveness. I couldn't do that. Or at least I did it too late. Don't make my mistake. Don't let yourself be so angry you stop loving. Because one day you'll wake up from the anger, and the person you love will be gone.
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PACEY: Ever stop to think about how much hormonally-charged energy you put into the quick quips and biting banter? Your life would be considerably more productive if you took some, what's that word again, oh that's it -- action. JOEY: Like voluntary manslaughter
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PACEY (to Joey): Ever stop to think about how much hormonally charged energy you put into the quick quips and biting banter? Your life would be considerably more productive if you took some, what's that word again, oh that's it -- action.
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JOEY: Like voluntary manslaughter. PACEY: Like sticking out your thumb. JOEY: Yeah and what else? Hike up my skirt, pout my lips and strike a pose for some horndog trucker? Stick out your thumb you sexist toad.
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Joey: (annoyed) How does he do it?
Andie: Who, Dawson?
Joey: No, Pacey. I mean, how does he always manage to get us into these situations?
Andie: (smiles) It’s his cocky charm.
Joey: Cocky, yes. But I don’t think the village idiot routine equals charm.
Andie: Nah, he means well.
Joey: Why is he so irritating?
Andie: Well if you think about it -- I mean, he is just this big, dopey dog.
Joey: You’re right. It’s like he runs through the house destroying everything in it’s path, and then he looks up at you like, “What do you expect, I’m just a dog?”
Andie: (laughs) You know who you sound like?
Joey: Who?
Andie: Me. Right before I started dating him. ]
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Pacey: (in an announcer’s voice) Here we go again, kiddies. For the 476th time this hour, our number one Billboard chart topper – The Ballad of Dawson and Joey. Will those two crazy kids ever get back together again? Boy, I sure hope so.
Joey: Pacey, would you stay out of it?
Pacey: Oh, of course, far be it for me, lowly creature that I am, to ever tread on the sanctity of the Dawson and Joey dynamic. Sorry, it’s just that I find the way that you treat him so fascinating, Potter.
Joey: (sarcastically) And how is that, Dr Witter?
Pacey: Like he’s some weird, neutered, little virginal creature.
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Doug: (clears his throat) You were in rare form tonight.
Pacey: How bad do I suck, huh?
Doug: So what seems to be the problem?
Pacey: There’s no problem, Douggie.
Doug: Oh, come on, Pacey, I found you hanging from a tree getting completely wasted. Huh? So what is it, a girl or something?
Pacey: (defensively) What?
Doug: OK, so it’s a girl. Who is she?
Pacey: You know what, Douggie, it’s really not that important, OK?
Doug: OK.
(he starts to walk out of the cell)
Pacey: I’ll tell you something though, she is really, really annoying.
(Doug pauses)
Doug: Yeah?
Pacey: Yeah. I mean, this girl is amazing – there is not a single subject on the face of this planet that she doesn’t have an opinion on. It’s mind boggling.
Doug: (walking back towards Pacey) Well, that certainly sounds like a nightmare.
Pacey: Wh– no, I mean, no, it’s not quite like that, I mean, you gotta understand that the girl’s really smart so she’s usually right, and when she argues, it comes from this really beautiful, pure place, so I mean, how can you fight against that, you know? Especially if you’re a smart ass like me.
Doug: (smiles) Is she pretty?
Pacey: Yeah, she is pretty. She is very, very pretty. She’s actually that kind of pretty that gives you butterflies – know what I mean?
Doug: Ah, yeah. Never lose the butterflies.
Pacey: What?
Doug: You asked me what sucks most about getting older. Somewhere along the line, you just lose the butterflies. So the question is, little brother, what are you gonna do about it?
Pacey: Do?
Doug: Yeah, do, as in do something. Take action.
Pacey: You know, I don’t think you’re really properly grasping the gravity of this situation, Douggie. You see, if I was actually to do something about this, there is the strong possibility that the sun would cease to shine, that the tides would cease to rise. In fact, I’m betting there’s a pretty good chance that the very earth would crack open and Capeside would become home to a huge hell-mouth that would spew forth endless hordes of monsters and demons, that would choke the denizens of this city, making them fall to their knees, and pray for a return to the days before I took action. That’s what we’re really talking about here.
Doug: Hmm. Yeah, maybe. (he walks to the cell door) Look, Pacey, uh, in my experience, you don’t come across that many people with the ability to give you butterflies. You just don’t. And if you don’t tell this girl how you feel, well it’ll be like spending the rest of your life in your own personal prison. (he goes to leave)
Pacey: Hey Doug?
Doug: Yeah.
Pacey: Thank you.
(Doug smiles, nods and then leaves)
* * * * *
(Morning – Pacey walks slowly towards Joey’s front door – walks up the stairs and pauses before knocking – Joey answers wearing a dressing gown – she goes to shut the door)
Pacey: (putting his hand on the door) Hold on. Please.
(Joey relents and looks at Pacey expectantly)
Pacey: Look, what I said last night was way out of line. And yes, I was drunk, but more to the point, I was just plain wrong. And I want you to know that I’m really sorry.
Joey: Well, I was worried about you too, Pacey.
Pacey: (surprised) Me? Why?
Joey: (shrugs) I don’t know. (she closes the door behind her) Because, I mean, Satan himself could lead Dawson into the fiery pits of hell but he would still emerge with his moral code intact. But you… (pauses) Maybe I think that nobody’s worrying about you right now.
Pacey: So then, (clears his throat) what you’re really saying then, is that given the highly dysfunctional nature of our relationship, this is how you actually express concern for me?
Joey: (nods, smiling) You gotta learn to read between the banter, Pacey.
Pacey: Right.
(there’s a long awkward pause)
Joey: So. So are we all finished here?
Pacey: No, actually. Um, there’s something else.
Joey: Something else?
Pacey: Yeah. (pauses) It’s just something that I’ve been meaning to tell you.
(she looks at him as if to say, ‘yeah, what is it?’)
Pacey: Uh, look, uh… Joey?
(he looks at her for a moment, on the brink of telling her how he feels)
Pacey: You’re lingering on your clutch, OK? I know you think you’re just easing into the gear, but it’s not a good idea. You know, maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but soon you’re gonna do a lot of damage to your transmission. So, what I was thinking is that if you wanted to, I could show you?
Joey: (smiles) Now?
Pacey: (smiles back) Yeah. Yeah.
Joey: OK, Pacey.
Pacey: OK.
(cut to the Potter pick-up being driven slowly down the driveway by Joey)
Joey: Now?
Pacey: No, no.
Joey: Now?
Pacey: Now! Shift.
(she manages to change the gear without stalling)
Pacey: Huh? Huh?
Joey: I did it!
Pacey: Yes you did! (laughs) Congratulations, Potter, you are finally getting somewhere.
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