Disclaimer: I don't own "The Pretender" or any of its
characters. Thanx for not suing! ~Oriana

please send feedback to: angelheart15@hotmail.com

~~~~~~~~~

For the Love of a Child
By: Oriana Lemke

Small moans escaped from her lips every so often, and she was tossing and turning, though the sheets her legs had become tangled up in were proving it difficult. Next to the bed, her clock quietly offered the time: 3:24.

The insistant shrill of her cell phone began, and with a frightened cry, Parker shot up in bed. She looked around wildly for a moment, then realizing the origin of the sound, grabbed the phone and activated it.

"What?" she demanded, brushing dark hair out of her face.

"We really need to work on your people skills," Jarod mused.

With an irritated huff, Parker slouched back down. "It's late." She glanced over at the clock, and winced. "Or early, your choice. Either way, I am not in the mood for one of our little chats."

Jarod chuckled, not at her, but at the Road Runner, on the TV he was watching from bed. God bless the Cartoon Network. "When are you?"

"Not ever, but that's beside the point. I'm hardly in a good enough humor to be sociable right now."

"I didn't wake you," Jarod frowned, "did I?"

"It's nearly four o'clock in the morning," she snapped. "What do you think?"

"I was under the impression that you'd been suffering from insomnia for the past week."

"Been talking to Syd, huh? Well, as a matter of fact, I did, but I figureed out what my problem was."

"And what's that?"

"Not enough meds."

Suddenly, Looney Toons wasn't so funny anymore. Jarod picked up the remote and began flipping through the channels. "You really shouldn't take those things, you know."

"Save it. Right now, I'm far too pleased with their success to care. I moved it up to three sleeping pills, and was finally asleep, at least until you called."

"Sorry."

She raised an eyebrow; he'd never bothered apologizing for waking her before. With a sigh, she began to fiddle with the edge of her comforter. "Nevermind. It's...not a big deal, really. To tell you the truth, I'm kind of glad to be awake."

He turned of the TV, giving the conversation his full attention. He paused long enough to try and analyze her voice. Parker never let anything past her defenses she didn't want people to know about, though, so he gave up and took a guess. "Bad dreams?"

"It's not important."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Oh, yeah," she replied sarcastically, "that's really what I need--advice from Dr. Jarod, shrink extraordinaire."

"I did pretend to be a radio station psychologist once."

That got her to crack a smile, but as she remembered her dreams, it melted away. "How do you do it?" she asked in a soft voice before she'd even realized it.

"What?"

"Live every day trying to fix other people's horror stories. All that pain...doesn't it remind you of the Centre?"

He stared around his darkened room, considering. "It can...a lot actually. But when you know it's for a purpose, it makes it easier. And as for the pain...there's that moment, as someone's face lights up when they first see their lost husband, or they hug their missing child, when you realize that all the pain in the world would've been worth it."

"Not everyone gets to see that moment," Parker pointed out. "We're not all that lucky. Some of us only see the hurt, the ruined lives."

"What is this really about, Parker?" he asked, concerned. "Has something happened?"

She gave a small, sad laugh. "It's everything, Jarod...Everything."

"Tell me."

Her own eyes began to wander, steely blue trying to break through the pitch black. "You know, you don't see it all. I mean, I know you find out about it, from Angelo or Syd or whomever, but...you don't experience it. Even since you left, it's gotten worse. Hard to imagine, I know, but whenever it seems they couldn't get any more terrible, the Centre hits a new low."

As she continued to look around, Parker realized that even without any light, the room managed to give off shadows. With a shudder, she reached over and turned on her bedside lamp. On the other end, Jarod remained quiet. After a moment, she slid under the covers, turned on her side, but kept the phone pressed to her free ear. "You still there?"

"Yeah, Parker, I'm here."

She nodded, even though he couldn't see it. More silence--it was a nice silence, though, and Parker was grateful for it. It was a comforting silence, she decided, the silence of someone who cared, willing to listen no matter what your demons.

She began in a low, thoughtful voice, the one Jarod remembered so fondly from their childhood. "The first thing I did this morning was see my brother, like always..." He didn't doubt she was talking about the infant. Lyle wasn't an enjoyed topic. "He's so small, Jarod, so defenseless."

"He'll grow," he assured her, thinking that was the problem. "He's strong. He's a Parker, you know."

"But that's just it--he's a Parker. He's innocent, he doesn't deserve this. To be born into a family like ours, into a place like the Centre, is the worst curse I can think of. It takes an angel, like my mother, to keep you from becoming completely like them. Some idea of good...He doesn't even have that, Jarod. His first lasting impressions of this world will be the Centre's evils."

"So that's it," Jarod realized.

"All I could do was stand there, watching him. And it hit me that if nothing changes, one day he'll be no better than Lyle, or daddy, or even Raines. Then I walked to my office, and just sat there, in the dark, thinking."

At the sound of her waivering voice, Jarod felt his heart tug. "Parker..."

"I don't want him to be like them, Jarod." One warm tear slipped down her cheek. "I don't want him to be like me...And so I tried to picture him, years from now, grown up. I tried to picture him as the best person possible. And do you know what I realized?"

"What?" he asked softly.

"I realized that he was like you. God, Jarod, if despite everything, he manages to have your mind or your goodness or your soul, then he'll be amazing. And it won't matter what they do to him, he'll survive. He'll be free, Jarod."

"Thank you," he said honestly, completely taken aback by her admittance.

Pictures from her nightmare came flashing back, and she shut her eyes, causing two more tears to slip by. "I want you to promise me something."

"Name it."

"If something should happen--"

"Parker," he cut her off, "don't."

"Listen to me. People in the Centre get hurt. They have accidents. They disappear and never come back. I've ticked off more than my share of people." She managed a weak smile. "Hell, I'm proud of it. But one day I'll push the wrong person too far."

This wasn't exactly the kind of thing Jarod wanted to hear. Parker dead was something he avoided thinking about. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because if I'm gone, there'll be no one left for him. I may not be the best choice for a guardian, but I'm going to do my damnedest to protect him."

"I don't doubt that."

"But if something happens, I want you to save him." Her voice grew urgent. "I know returning to the Centre is a horrible thing to ask of you, but this is for him. I'm begging you, whatever it takes, you come back and you get him. Take him far away, and give him back his childhood. Show him everything this world really is, everything you've learned since you got free. Hell, teach him the joys of PEZ."

"You have my word." He could practically see her smiling.

"Thank you."

"Parker?"

"Yeah?"

"That little boy's going to be fine."

"How can you be so sure?"

"He has you."

The End!