Prologue
*~*
Chicago
1955
With her right arm slung over the arm of the flower embroidered couch, her left arm elegantly resting nearby, her head slightly resting against the couch and her arm, the young brunette waited anxiously for her husband to arrive.
Now this wasn't an excited anxious; it was a dreadful anxious. You see earlier that day she had gotten her hair both cut and highlighted. She knew her husband would be a little upset about it, but she had no idea how upset he would get. That's why she had to concentrate on her breathing, and not on the upcoming confrontal with her husband of eight years.
The reason for terror was a mixture of liquor and violence. In the beginning years of their marriage he was a loving husband and father to their son. But after a year of scraping by, he got mixed up with a loan shark. He was soon out of money yet again, and this time the young family had to move. That was when the drinking started, and not too soon after the beatings started.
All of a sudden there was a loud bang at the door, which was followed by a loud and crude curse. She immediately went to unlock the door, her husband obviously had forgotten the key...again.
He's drunk again, it time to fight.
She must have done something wrong tonight.
"Dammit woman, how many times did I tell you-" He stopped after he noticed her ear length hair. "What's this? Huh, what are you trying to do to me?" He asked quietly, at least he wasn't shouting.
"I thought you would like it." Came her simple reply.
"You thought I would like to have a boy for a wife? Well, fine if you want to be a boy, than fine. In fact, why don't I help?" Before she knew what was happening, he grabbed her elbow painfully, and dragged her into the kitchen. There he proceeded to open a drawer and brought out scissors.
"Oh, please don't. Please Paul, no I'm sorry, I'll grow it out." She was now struggling viciously against his iron grip, which presently slacked long enough for him to grab a handful of her hair.
Tears stained her beautiful young face as he took the scissors to her hair and snipped with a violent jerk. By now her struggles stopped, and she gave into his torments. When he had sufficiently chopped her hair, he shoved her into a chair.
"Why would you think that I would like it? Think Catie, why?" Paul asked his frightened wife.
"I liked it, and I thought you would." Catie replied in a soft voice. "But now you have to deal with this." She then grabbed her hair to show him.
He stepped forward and slapped her. "Don't talk back to me. And remember I am the man of this house. And you are only a woman." His statement stung deeply, but she went on ahead.
"What house? This is a dingy old apartment Paul, not some fancy house or mansion. Or don't you remember what got us here? Your drinking, that's what." She replied viciously. She had had enough, she got up and started to walk toward their room.
The living room becomes a boxing ring.
It's time to run when you see him clenching his hands.
She's just a woman...never again.
Enraged Paul grabbed her throat with both his hands, and squeezed. Slowly he let go, but not being done he shoved her into the wall. After hitting it she sluggishly slipped to the floor. That's gonna cause bruises, Catie thought.
"Don't walk away from me you slut. I can't believe I married you, your good for nothing. Hear that? Nothing!" He yelled at her as spit came flying out of his mouth to land on her cheek. "If you so much as move to wipe that off," he pointed to the spit, "I'll beat you senseless."
"I hate you! I hate you!" Since she couldn't move, she resorted to yelling at him.
I hear her screaming from down the hall.
Amazing she can even talk at all.
The little boy in the farthest room from the living room was listening to his parents fight. After hearing no more sound he opened his door to peer into the dimly lit living room. He barely made out the pathetic form of his dad, and then he saw his mom. He almost cried at her appearance. Her nose was bleeding lightly, and her bottom lip was starting to swell alonside a bleeding top lip.
Catie heard a soft sniffle, and turned quickly to find her little boy silently and slowly walking to her.
She cries to me... "go back to bed."
I'm terrified that she'll wind up dead in his hands.
She's just a woman...never again.
Catie jerked upright and told him, "Go back to bed, mommy's alright." Just before he turned around Josh saw his mom being roughly pulled up and in a moment heard a muffled scream. He wanted to go and protect his mommy, but knew that if he was going to show her that he was a big boy he would do what she said.
Not more than a minute later he regretted that he left his mommy alone with his drunk daddy; whatever "drunk" meant. All he knew was that he didn't want to lose his mommy, and he was terrified that his daddy would take her away from him. The next scream made Joshy jump under his bedcovers and silently pray to God that if his mommy was going to die that he at least be able to say goodbye to her.
*~*
Next Day
Just tell the nurse you slipped and fell.
It starts to sting as it starts to swell.
She looks at you...she wants the truth.
It's right out there in the waiting room with those hands.
Lookin' just as sweet as he can...never again.
"Ooh, looks pretty bad. How did it happen again?" The nurse asked suspiciously. The story the young lady explained to her just didn't fit the injuries at all, but she was just a nurse.
"Like I said, I wrapped my car around a tree. I climbed out and started to walk back to where I came from, then all of a sudden I slipped and fell down a hill. Luckily I landed near a house." Catie explained for the second time to the nurse. By God she wanted to tell her the real reason why she looked like this. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Catie asked accusingly. She couldn't believe that Paul had taken her into a hospital, he was just going to beat her again anyway. Must be a desperate man thing.
"I just don't believe you. Is there something you'd like to tell me?" Nurse Edna asked gently. At seeing the battle within Catie's eyes she decided something was wrong. And when Catie kept looking out to the waiting room to her husband and back, Edna knew something was definitely wrong. "Well, it seems as though I can’t do anymore for you, so I will go get the doctor to check on you."
Catie involuntarily jumped as the door closed behind the nurse. Was she losing her mind or was this the normal reaction of women suffering from physical abuse?
She didn’t have long to think on this, the doctor walked in a moment later. He looked to be in his early twenties, and was visibly losing his hair.
"Hello..." The doctor looked at the chart to check her name. "Catherine. My name is Dr. Raines. I’ll be checking you over, then you can be on your way."
"Sounds good. When can we begin?" Was her soft reply.
*~*
Seen it before but not like this
Been there before but not like this
Never before have I ever seen it this bad
She's just a woman...never again
An hour later, Catie and Paul were silently walking back to their apartment. They still had to pick Josh up from daycare. When they neared the building Catie started to worry about how Josh would react to his father after last night.
"Why don’t you go on ahead, maybe you can pick up some bread and milk. We ran out." When Paul looked at her with suspicion, she hurriedly walked up to the door and rang the doorbell.
"Well, I’ll be off. Don’t you try anything stupid again. Next thing you know, you’ll be one of those call girls, or you’ll be sleeping with any guy that comes along that offers you a pretty penny." Paul was still talking to himself as he walked off to the store. Catie knew he would forget about the bread and milk, and go for the booze.
As the door opened, Josh jumped into her arms. Her whole body objected to the added strain of his six year old body, but she refused to acknowledge her hurt just for the sake of holding him.
"Let’s go home." She told her him, and he responded by hugging her harder.
"Is daddy gonna be home? I don’t want him to be home anymore, I like it when he’s not home." Josh exclaimed innocently.
Catie’s heart crashed to the bottom of her stomach, and she had to stop and get a hold of her situation.
*~*
Father's a name you haven't earned yet
You're just a child with a temper
"Paul, I told you to get milk. Now we can’t have dinner, unless you get out of your chair and go get some." Catie yelled from the kitchen. You can’t make maccaroni and cheese without milk, and you can’t eat hotdogs without bread.
"Woman, that’s what your for." She could hear his chair creek as he hoisted himslef out and up. She knew from experience that his next move was to burp and then march into the kitchen to gulp down more booze, if possible.
"Ow! That hurt, why did you step on me?" Josh asked in a little voice that reached the tiny kitchen.
"You were in the way. Besides I’m the man of the house, and you’re the boy." Paul replied drunkenly, then he laughed as he poked Josh in the ribs painfully.
Catie ran into the room just in time to see Josh start to cry from the pain. All of a sudden she felt the overwhelming urge to kill Paul and get on with her life. What other way was she expected to live in these surroundings and survive to tell of it?
"Stop it Paul!" Catie exclaimed loudly. "You’ve had your fun, now let Josh be. And Josh go to your room, now!" She wanted to take it back, she hadn’t meant to make it sound so harsh, but that’s how it came out.
Josh hoisted his tiny body up and marched down the hall to his room bravely, all the while trying not to let the tears fall.
"Dammit Paul, why do you have to be like that? Does it make you feel strong and important to beat up a six year old, your son?" Catie asked angrily.
"Is dinner ready yet? I’m starving." He ignored her question and the look she sent him. But he couldn’t ignore the comment.
"Unless you get your ass down to the store to get us some milk and bread you can starve for all I care." Catie instantly regreted her outburst. Paul slowly turned around and looked in her eyes. At first he seemed unaffected, but by seeing her fear he thought he would use it to his advantage.
Haven't you heard "don't hit a lady"
Kickin' your ass would be a pleasure
He reached out and grabbed her arm painfully, swung her around tore her shirt off. He then proceeded to humiliate her by throwing her onto the couch. She struggled to get up but Paul’s weight held her down. She had landed on her stomach, so Paul roughly flipped her around to face him.
Catie saw the look in his eyes and knew the full extent of his intentions, and in that instant grappled with every fiber of her being to get out from under this monster, but to no avail. She was still stuck under him when he started to rip off her knee length skirt.
"No! Paul stop, please. No, you can’t do this. Stop!" It was her last word uttered before she was completely naked under his scrutiny.
The next few minutes would forever haunt Catherine’s dreams. After Paul was done raping her he got up and strode to his chair. From somewhere deep inside, Catie managed to collect the last of her tattered pride and sat up slowly. Her whole body hurt, all she wanted was to go crawl into a corner and lick her wounds. But she knew that she had to keep going if she were to survive, if not only for herself but for Josh as well.
When she was nearly to the hallway, Paul spoke. "Are you going to make dinner or what?" Was that exasperation in his voice? Oh good Lord, he had just raped her. Now he expected her to just start throwing herself over him?
He's drunk again, it's time to fight
Same old shit, just on a different night
The closet loomed like a bright light at the end of a dark tunnel. She knew exactly where the gun was stored, and she was quickly making her way to the light.
She grabs the gun, she's had enough
Catie queitly opened the door and stood on tiptoe to grab a box that she never thought she would ever have to open. As she brought it down she had a moment of doubt, then she caught sight of Josh's bedroom door, and set the box determinedly on the floor of the closet.
Tonight she'll find out how fuckin' tough is this man
Pulls the trigger fast as she can...never again
She carefully lifted the dusty lid and wrapped her slender fingers around the blunt coldness of a revolver. She heard Paul belch loudly in the livingroom and brought her head up slowly and fixed her gaze on the form of her pathetic excuse for a husband.
She kept the gun hidden behind her back as she walked step-by-step back to the livingroom. Paul looked up and vaguely recognized her presence before returning his attention to the black and white television. Before she lost all confidence and before her anger wore off she switched the television off.
Paul heaved a sigh before he looked up at his wife. She was a beauty, but she needed to know her place. And, Paul thought to himself, I'm the one who has to make sure it's done.
"Now what do you want? And turn that t.v. on when you go, I'm I the middle of my show."
"I don't care Paul, you can watch your show in hell for all I care." At that Catie leveled the gun to Paul's head.
Her anger flared as she saw amusement in Paul's eyes. He spoke to her like she was a little kid showing him a new toy. "What do you plan to do with that?" He asked.
A shot rang out in the tiny apartment. Catie stood over Paul, "I'm going to kill you." Without looking back she went to the kitchen and dialed the police.
Josh was awakened by someone knocking on his door. Groggily he slipped out of bed and opened it, only to be met by a gruff looking man in a suit. "Are you Josh?" he asked in an equally gruff voice.
"Yes. Who are you? Where's my mommy?" The little six year old boy asked.
"She's right out in the livingroom, but right now I need you to come with me. How does that sound?" The man looked at the boy somewhat softly, but made no move toward him.
Catie tried to hide herself from Josh's gaze, but failed. Without a word he ran to her and threw his tiny arms around her neck. In the process of hugging her son, Catie's protective blanket fell and she was momentarily exposed. When the police had arrived one of the police officers poitely went and got her some pants and a shirt.
"Mommy, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Josh's question penetrated Catie's thoughts and it took her a good minute to answer him.
"Mommy did something really bad, and we might have to leave each other for a little while." Catie tried so hard to be brave in front of her son. She had never thought that by killing Paul she and Josh would have to seperated, and there was no way he was going to see his mother in jail. "I'm so sorry Joshy, mommy's so sorry." Tears escaped her eyes as she no longer could hold back the pain.
Josh was ripped from his mother and placed into the arms of an awaiting officer's. Catie was left alone for a moment. None of the officers had any idea as how to approach her. As soon as the tears began to fall her body started to convulse with the heart wrenching sobs.
Seen it before but not like this
Been there before but not like this
Never before have I ever seen it this bad
She's just a woman...never again
*~*
1 Year Later
1956
"Innocent! Did you hear that? They said I'm innocent." Catherine exclaimed loudly to her lawyer, and her soon to be husband.
So much had happened in the past year. Some good and some not so good. In the past year she had been dating a handsome lawyer who not only just got her her freedom but he also her heart.
"Mommy! Here I am." Joshua called from behind the wooden rail. At first Catie didn’t see him, but she soon found him. She all but broke the rail down to get to him.
"Catherine, I need to speak to you." Allen called to his fiance. How did he end up with this beautiful woman? He never thought he would ever be lucky enough to actually marry her, but when he suggested the idea to his friend, Dr. Raines, they made a plan to to include marriage, boarding school and power.
Of course they had to operate the plan in the strictest secracy otherwise if Catherine ever found out the true intent of his marrying her she would surely leave him. And then came to mind the image of Paul, Catherine’s late husband.
It had been easy to drop the charges against her, she was an abused wife who couldn’t take it anymore and the only option at the time was murder. Allen put Catherine up on the stand and she swore that if she hadn’t killed Paul that he was going to kill her, and that was enough to keep her out of jail.
"Yes? What is it?" Catherine asked happily from the other side of the rail. "Can’t it wait till later? I just want to get away from here."
Allen almost gave in, but in order to carry out the plan he needed to play it out on time. The key was timing, it always was and was always going to be.
"I know you want to, but this is important. Come on, it will only take a moment."
*~*
St. Mary's Cathedral
Two Months Later
2:00 In the Afternoon
Catherine felt jitters go up and down her spine. When she was getting ready for her wedding she was not in the least bit nervous or scared. She knew that she would live the rest of her life with Allen. But now she was nervous. She looked down at Josh and almost cried, he looked like a little gentleman. When the first chord of the song was struck, it was her cue to start Josh on his way down the aisle.
Catherine was so intent upon her thoughts that she almost forgot to walk up the aisle herself. Just in time she caught herself and headed down the aisle. She was halfway up the aisle when she felt some despair at not having a father to walk her down. Maybe it was better this way, because the last time she walked down the aisle her father had held her arm, and look what happened in that marriage. As the wedding came to a close the priest announced to a resounding applause that he was happy to present Mr. and Mrs. Allen Parker.
Catherine couldn't have been happier as she walked out of the church and into the awaiting limo, but little did she know that she was walking into the biggest mistake of her life.