Wanting or Needing

How the situation and turned on her she hadn't figured out. She had made the decision to stand up. To hurt him. But somehow she was on the weaker end again. Running while he chased her. But maybe it served him right. He should have to chase her. She certainly wasn't going to chase him. Even as these thoughts ran through her head she had only been out of the Crashdown for a few seconds and had only gotten a couple of stores down before she was yanked back. "What?!?!"

"You need to get back to the Crashdown." he told her evenly.

"Why Michael I am amazed." she stated dramatically. "Do you actually care?"

"You're going to blow our cover." he lied. But he wouldn't admit it. He had made up his mind up before that he would never admit it.

Maria smiled and shook her head. "I should have guessed. More concerned with yourself then anyone else's pain." she looked into his eyes one last time before she rushed by him and walked back to the Crashdown.

Michael grounded his teeth together and shut his eyes as she walked passed him. He had known it to be true. But she had never admitted it openly that he had caused her pain. Hearing it had just made it worse for him. Of course he had known that what it had always been about. Him. He didn't want to deal with the pain of hurting her later down the line. So he hurt her now. This way it had been his decision. He didn't want her hurt because of who he was. Not only that he couldn't stand the pain of hurting her because of who he was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm back. Don't worry, didn't bust any kind of secret." Maria said as she entered the Crashdown. She walked over and sat in the booth in the furthest corner. Michael had surprisingly not followed her in. He came in moments later though. He didn't join the other either. Instead he took the furthest seat from her and the others.

It was obvious to the rest that there where conflicting emotions between the two.

Isabelle shook her head in disbelief. "No, I don't think so." Everyone turned to look at her as she made her way to the middle of the room. "This isn't going to get thrown in front of everyone then be ignored. "What the hell happened?" She waited a moment then turned to Michael "Well?"

"Nothing happened." he told her sternly.

Isabelle frowned and turned to Maria. "Maria?"

"I don't know what your talking about."

"Don't give me that shit! You two obviously had a thing going at some point. Something big I'm guessing to put you two in the position. So what happened?!?!" Isabelle screamed. If they told her nothing she was going to kill them.

"Why don't you ask him. He's the one that made the decision on his own. But after all he really didn't care about how I felt so why would he actually talk to me like a human being. Oh that's right!!! Your not human. That explains it all." Maria said snottily. Of course she didn't judge them by that. That just gave her a good reason to be a bitch to him.

"That would be like you. Judging me by what I am." Michael said as he stood up and walked to the middle of the room.

Maria scooted out of the booth and walked over to him responding to his challenge. He wouldn't scare her off. "Oh get off of it. You where an asshole minus the whole 'I'm an alien and I've got to be alone' thing. So don't flatter yourself. If I didn't like you because of that I wouldn't have let you touch me in the first place."

This hadn't been what Isabelle had wanted. She had wanted calm. But neither Michael and Maria where ever calm. Maybe that's why they where attracted to each other. They where kind of alike. Although Maria was loud and Michael broody.

"Then why do you keep bringing it up!" he yelled at her.

"Because it's an easy way to hurt you." she told him angrily. It was the total truth. She took no pleasure in it. She just wanted to hurt him.

"So it makes you feel better then to be a raving bitch?" he asked her snidely. He regretted the words as soon as they had left his mouth. He had never wanted to be taken to the point of calling her names. Especially as harsh as those. He noticed the others gap at him. They probably never would have guessed he could be so cruel. He would never had either.

Maria intook a shuddering breath. Of all the things he had said that one had hurt. He had said mean things to her before, but never actually called her one. She had wanted to respond with something equally hurtful. But she found she couldn't. The words that left her mouth where actually ones she meant. "Does that make you feel good."

Her tone was almost hurtful. Of course it would be. But even after realizing his error he still didn't correct it. His tone of voice was still mean. "What?"

"You asked me if it felt good to be a bitch. Now I'm asking you if it makes you feel good to call me names?"

He would have felt better if she yelled back at him. But instead her voice was soft and obviously hurt. "Did it hurt?" he asked her, his voice empty of emotion. But he saw the conflicting emotion and he knew she was fighting within herself. Whether it was to tell truth or not to.

Maria didn't respond. She hadn't expected that question. And she couldn't understand why he would want to know. She didn't trust her voice at this point. But she did nod as her eyes focused on object away form him.

For some reason he was hoping she would say no. Even though he knew it would be a lie. But she had told the truth. He could lie if he wanted to. He should have. But he didn't. "Then no."

"Then why do it? Why hurt me?" she asked him softly.

Michael hated this. He hated it when Maria was so honest. And to top it off she was hurt. So he felt himself compelled to be honest to. At this point if she where to ask him if he loved her he would probably admit he did. He couldn't lie to her anymore. "I didn't want to." he told her. Somehow she had also managed to get him to show some sort of emotion in his voice. Because it was softer now.

"Then why did you do it?" she asked painfully as she began to cry.

Michael knew his face no longer held any control. The pain he was feeling now was so strong that he knew was showing everywhere. But he couldn't answer her. He had no answer.

"I never knew that one person, in one moment, could cause so much pain to another. So much that you feel it the whole day. You feel it when you fall asleep. And you feel it when you wake up. And it never goes away. It only increases day by day as you see how that person so easily shut you out of their life and at the same time you can hardly go on with yours." she cried. She had lost all her anger towards him. She had thought she had gotten over this. But here she was depressed again and willing to give up anything for him to just touch her again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on." Isabelle whispered quietly as she pulled Liz and Max through the door to the back.

"Why did you bring us back here?" Liz inquired confused.

"Because I think Michael is about to break." Isabelle told her. She noticed the still genuinely confused look covering Liz's face. "Think of it this way. Michael, a person who has pretty much always hated or suspected almost everyone except me and Max, all of a sudden finds himself losing the ability to stay detached from everyone. And it wasn't some major discovery about who he is or anything. One very small, very loud girl caused it. That's bound to send him running. So I can kind of understand his reason for staying away from Maria." Isabelle ignored the angry look that swept over Liz's face. "But if Maria had enough power to scare him off like that then he isn't going to be able to stay away from her, or hurt her much longer."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Michael wanted to say something. He wanted to apologize. Take it all back. Take back all the pain he had caused her. Even if that meant putting it on himself. "I just knew by who I am I would hurt you. I didn't want that to happen." he told her trying to justify himself. But he knew it wouldn't work. He had hurt her to bad and he hadn't even known.

"But it did!" Maria exclaimed. "You broke off everything because of who you are! And that killed me!"

"That wasn't why I did it. I knew that they might come after me, and if they did you might get in the way. I didn't want you hurt." he told her. It was the truth. He was scared to death that she would get hurt because they wanted him.

"But that was my choice to make. I knew who you where and I excepted that. I knew what could happen." she told him her voice full of emotion.

"But you wanted to make this an open thing Maria. I couldn't let that happen." he told her honestly.

"Why? Because you didn't want people to actually think you had feelings? What the hell does that mean?!?!" Maria screamed. The more reasons he gave her the more confused she got. "Everyone knows that me and Liz are involved with the three of you. So what! Maybe if you actually acted like a human being and showed some sort of feelings towards someone you wouldn't look like some alien trying to hide something!"

"That's not what I mean!" Michael yelled. She wasn't understanding anything he said. She kept on interrupting his meaning in such away that she made it more painful to herself. "If they ever did find out, and I was with you, they'd know." he said more softly.

"They'd know what?" Maria asked quietly and took a dangerous step close towards him.

Michael winced. He wasn't sure what to say or how to say it. It revealed to much. But if it meant that she would understand his reasons he had to. "They would know how to hurt me. And if that meant they would hurt you I didn't want to see that happen."

"Why do you do this?" Maria asked him.

"Do what?" he asked her confused.

"Constantly shut yourself off from everyone, make all the decisions on your own. You don't have to." she said more then asked. Because it was the truth. "Why do you want to be alone?"

"I don't want to be. I have to be." he whispered. Why the hell she had the ability to force the undeniable painful truth out of him he would like to know.

"No, you don't. You may not want to hear it, but Michael what if you never find home. Do you want to have lived an unneeded miserable life?" she kind of regretted asking the question. It hadn't been very kind. But it had been the truth.

"And what if I do?" he responded.

"Then you do. But wouldn't you rather look back on happy life here then a miserable one? It would hurt me to see you leave. But it is killing me now to know you are here and you won't have a thing to do with me. Why do that?" she asked him so quietly she wasn't sure if the words actually came out of her mouth.

"Because...." he paused a moment. He had the words but they didn't want to leave. It was a reason he never wanted to admit to anyone. One that would reveal that he wasn't all so certain of his future and his reasons. "Because I'm scared that if the time comes that I can go home that I won't want to."

"Does it really matter? If it would make you more happy to go home then you go. If it would make you more happy to stay here then you stay. Either way your happy." she felt so sorry for him now. She just wanted to hold him. Tell him that it would be okay. That in the end he would do the right thing and that everything would turn out okay.

"What if I want both?" he wasn't sure of anything now.

"I don't know, Michael. You don't know. Why can't you just let whatever happens happen. You don't have to plan everything ahead. You don't have to protect me. And don't say because you'll hurt me. You hurt me now you hurt me then it makes no difference at this point. I couldn't understand how just you could hurt me so much. But they're has to be a reason. And I want to know why. And you can give me all the reasons you want, but I am going to wear you down eventually. Haven't you ever wanted someone to actually need you? Not just want you but need you?" Because she did. She needed him so bad her whole body felt it and screamed for him.

"Maria I've wanted a lot of things. I've wanted a home, a family just like Max and Liz. I've even wanted to just maybe be normal, not have to worry about finding a home, not have to worry about watching my back. That doesn't mean I'll get what I want." He wanted so much more right now. He needed so much more. And right now the only thing he needed was her. "I've wanted to actually be normal, to be able ignore all the dangers around me and just be near you."

"You don't have to be normal. I like you how you are." Maria said softly. She brought her hand up to touch the side of his face gently but he jumped back.

"Maria don't." he pleaded more then ordered.

Maria stepped forward. She was not going to let him push her away again. "Don't what? Touch you? Need you? Love you?"

A loud breath was expelled from Michael as his eyes shut. She had to say it. How could he just push her away now. How could she break him so easily.

Maria brought both hands up and laced her fingers behind his neck pulling his head closer to her. "Don't push me away again." she whispered and wrapped her arms around his neck and pressing her body against his.

Michael didn't waste hardly any time. His hands slid around her waste and he pulled her against him quickly. This was what he had wanted. He had wanted to touch her so badly that just looking at her hurt. And he had done his best to ignore the hurt.

Maria laid her head against his chest and let her hands run through his hair gently. It was one thing that she had missed. One of the small things you didn't miss till they where gone.

Michael hadn't realized that she had began to cry again till she finally spoke. It was one of the worst sounds he heard from Maria. Even though he acted like he hated it he loved the way she argued and yelled at him. But he hated it when she cried.

"Michael please don't stay away from me." she cried softly. "I couldn't handle it if you did it again."

What she was asking seemed so impossible and so easy. He was still telling himself he should stay away. But it would be so easy just to say to hell with it all.

Maria pulled away from him only slightly so that she could look up at him. "Michael I'm not asking you to marry me or even go out in public to the prom or anything. I just want you to be there for me. With me. Because I need you."

Michael brought one hand up to her face while the other still held her against him. He tilted her head up towards him and he lowered his head. But instead of meeting her lips with his, his lips pressed softly against her cheek. But he didn't stop there. He slowly and softly left a soft trail of kisses from cheek, down her jaw, and down her neck. He felt the grip she had on him tighten and her breath quicken. He placed one final kiss on her collar bone and brought his face back to be even with hers. He closed the small distance between them a placed one soft kiss on her lips. "You want that?" he asked her in a low whisper. "You want me to love you?" he asked her softly.

Maria ignored the silent tears that where running fresh. "No, I need you to love me." she admitted to him. It was the total truth.

"I can do that. Easily." Infact that's all he wanted to do. How that one thing was so easy to give but so huge that it tore people apart he didn't understand. But this time it had brought them back together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The End. (For real this time.)