Shine
Disclaimer: Okay, a quick review for the disclaimer-challenged: What elements of Dawson's Creek do I own? Not a damn thing! And what of David Gray's amazing lyrics do I own? Not a single word, the brilliant bastard.
Summary: This takes place after Pacey and Joey's high school graduation, right before they both leave for college.
Author's Note: I had a few free minutes on my hands, so after listening to David Gray's "Shine" for the hundreth time, I decided to write a quick fic involving it. This is narrated by Pacey. Hope you like :)
*****
I can see it in your eyes
What I know in my heart is true
That our love it has faded
Like the summer run through
I take her hand in mine as we walk down the dock. I can't help but look down at our laced fingers, doing whatever I can to let this moment completely wash over me. I want to remember everything about this night -- every look, every touch, every kiss -- even though this is by far the most painful moment of my entire life. I try to remind myself that it also has to be the smartest, the most important. The best gift I could ever give her. My grip tightens desperately on her hand and despite my best intentions, what I know in my heart is right, I don't know if I'll ever be able to make myself let her go.
She quickly returns the pressure, clinging to me just as desperately, and it only makes it that much harder for me.
So we'll walk down the shoreline
One last time together
Feel the wind blow our wondering hearts
Like a feather
A gust of cold air blows her long hair wildly behind her and I have to stop myself from running my hands through the dark strands. It's a motion that I've become so familiar with over the last year; one of those little things that you end up missing the most about someone once they're gone.
My body is almost numb from the cold air, the wind that's blowing across the water. And right now, I wish I was numb to everything else. But the pain is still fresh in my chest. It hits me with every breath, with every glance into her sad eyes. But I can't let it overshadow the reasons why this is right. Why we've got to do this. No matter how much it hurts.
But who knows what's waiting
In the wings of time
She's trying not to cry. And frankly, so am I. But I know that I can't let myself. Because I'd never be able to stop.
A tear rolls slowly down her cheek and it feels like everything inside of myself shatters because of that single tear. I want to tell her that this isn't the end of us. That there never really is an end. But I can't seem to say anything right now. I just want to look at her. And remember her. And accept that no matter what I do, this really is the end.
Dry your eyes
We gotta go where we can shine
My bags are packed at home and sitting beside the front door. My plane ticket is tucked safely inside my carry-on. My future is waiting. My new life.
Everything is set, everything is ready. Everything except me.
Don't be hiding in sorrow
Or clinging to the past
With your beauty so precious
And the season so fast
And by this time tomorrow, she'll be on a plane of her own. On her way to the future that she's always hoped for. The future that she worked so hard to make for herself. The future that's going to be everything she hoped it would be.
The future that she was willing to give up so that we could be together. The future that she was willing to give up in order to follow me. Knowing that fact hurt me almost as much as this moment does.
I must've told her over a million times that I was so unbelievably proud of her, but it hasn't done my pride for her justice. She amazes me with everything that she does, every obstacle she's managed to overcome, everything she's accomplished. And most of all, she amazes me by just being the woman that she's become. The woman that I'll love for the rest of my life. And I can't let her love for me ruin that. Ruin her.
What amazes me the most is that she did it all by herself. She overcame it all. Which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for myself. Because whatever I've done, whatever I've accomplished, it's all been because of her. Everything I do is for her.
No matter how cold the horizon appears
Or how far the first night
When I held you near
We're gonna rise from these ashes
Like a bird of flame
Take my hand
We're gonna go where we can shine
But now it's my turn. My turn to do everything by myself, for myself. My turn to shine.
And maybe one day I'll give her something to be just as proud of.
For all that we struggle
For all we pretend
You know it don't come down to nothing
Except love in the end
And ours is a road
That is strewn with goodbyes
But as it unfolds
As it all unwinds
Remember your soul is the one thing
You can't compromise
The one thing I hope that she realizes from all of this is just how strong she really is. How much she's done for herself and how much she can do for herself in the future. That she doesn't need me, or anyone else for that matter. Just herself.
And that's something that I've got to learn now, too. It's time to step out of her shadow. And shine.
Step out of the shadow
We're gonna go where we can shine
*****
THE END
Email: maelle3@yahoo.com