I, of course, do not own or claim to own any of this. It's just for fun.
Fraser: "You know, the Inuit have 60 words to describe snow. One-third concern the color."
Ray: "Eskimos don't have a lot to do in the winter, huh?"
They are driving when Fraser calls: "Ray, sapling!"
Ray: "Where?"
Fraser: "Twelve O'Clock!"
Ray: "Got it!"
Woman: "Have you ever read the constitution?"
Ray(2): "Uh, n-no - I've got bad eyes."
Fraser Sr.: "Hello, Son."
Fraser: "Hello, Dad. How are you?"
Fraser Sr.: "I'm dead, Son. Other than that do you mean?"
Fraser: "No, that's what I was asking."
Fraser Sr.: "Oh, that's good. Never be ashamed to ask a stupid question, Son."
Fraser: "Drive. Quick. Before he comes back."
Ray: "Who?"
Fraer: "My father. Drive. Go!"
Ray: "Fraser, your father's dead."
Fraser: "I know, and I dont' mean to speak ill of him. It's just that he's driving me nuts."
Ray: "Your father?"
Fraser: "He's not really here. I know that. It's all in my mind. It's just he refuses to stay there. Or rather, he refuses to leave there. I don't really understand it but I tell you, it's beginning to wear a little thin. I mean, does he think I'm completely ignorant? The next thing he's going to do is try to show me how to start a fire. You know Ray, I've got half a mind just to tell him to pack up. Move out."
Ray: "Of your mind?"
Fraser: "Yes."
Fraser Sr.: "Hello, Son."
Fraser: "Oh, God - he's back."
"I learned two things from my father. One, timing. Mostly when to duck. And two, you never hit a kid because it doesn't teach [them] anything."
Fraser to dead father: "Is there any insanity in our family?"
Fraser Sr.: "No, not that I'm aware. Well, tehre was your uncle Tiberius who died wrapped in cabbage leaves, but we assumed that was a freak accident."
Fraser: "You mean you're using some promotional ploy to get something for nothing?"
Ray: "Welcome to the United States of America, Fraser."
Ray: "All right! Stand back and watch how we do things in America! No neighborhood watches, no caring for your fellow man, just good old-fashioned intimidation!"
Fraser: "You know Ray, your methods are a constant inspiration to me."
Ray: "Fraser, parking illegally in this town is a sport."
(Chicago of course.)
Fraser: "In Canada, we have more than a passing familiarity with confusion. We're comprised of 10 provinces and two territories communicating across six time zones in two official languages. The English don't understand the French, the French don't understand the English, and the Inuit quite frankly couldn't give a damn about either of them. Added to the equation is the Assembly of First Nations, with a total of 633 separate Indian bands speaking 180 sub-dialects among their 50 linguistic groups. And as if that weren't enough, there are some fisherman on the east coast with a remarkably whimsical accent..."
Fraser: "Bindle-stitch."
Ray: "You know, you've gotta stop swearing in Eskimo."
Ray's mother, about Fraser: "He's very nice...so polite."
Ray: "He's Canadian, Ma."
Mother: "Oh, I thought he was sick or something."
Ray: "You know what I love most about Canadians? They're real easy to elbow out of the way."
Ray: "One hundred women in my black book and you had to call my sister."
Fraser: "Well, sorry but it was the only current number."
Chief: "Unfortunately, wolves are such notoriously bad witnesses. In my experience, they tend to fold under cross-examination."
Fraser: "Excuse me - have you seen a 1977 green Comet followed by a white wolf?"
Man on street: "Today?"
Fraser to his dead father: "What would you do with an office?"
Fraser Sr.: "Taxes."
Fraser: "You've been dead for two years."
Fraser Sr.: "Oh, they find you son."
-Burning the House Down
Ray(2): I repeat myself when under stress. I repeat myself when under stress."
Fraser knocks on the other side of the interrogation two-way mirror to Ray, who is interrogating a suspect.
Ray(2) picks up the phone: "Fraser, could you not do that? It sorta gives it away."
Fraser: "I'd like to talk to him."
Ray(2): "Oh, torture. That's a good idea."
Fraser: "That's very funny, Ray."
not exact. Chief: "So, let me get this straight: Guy saves a kid's life and to show our gratitude, we go over to his house, break down his door, arrest him and grill the snot out of him."
Ray(2): "Are you from another planet, Fraser?"
Fraser: "Not that I'm aware."
Ray(2) to Francesca: "Were you followed?"
Francesca: "I don't know. People follow me all the time. I have an allure."
Fraser Sr.: "Oh, it's good to be back at sea, again, Son."
Fraser: "You've never been at sea, Dad."
Fraser Sr.: "Well, I've been contemplating a cruise."
Ray(1or2): "Fraser, there's a guy on my corner who asks me every morning if I've seen God. Do you think he really expects me to point him out?"
Fraser: "Well, you know, if you did Ray, perhaps he'd stop asking."
"It's a curious thing - reality - isn't it?"
Fraser: "I didn't listen to what they were telling me. Well, I did, but I listened with my eyeballs."
Ray: "You know, you're really beginning to scare me."
Fraser: "Although I saw the Nurse type in the password, I didn't actually see it."
Ray: "Watching with your ears again, were you?"
Fraser: "We're eavesdropping, arent' we."
Ray(1or2): "I'll make sure they take away your merit badge later."
Ray: "You know, maybe up in the Arctic Circle you cooperate with your cop friends. I mean, who's going to fight over ice, right?"
Fraser: "Well, actually there was an incident once..."
"I talked to the super at your last job. He suggested transferring you further north."
Fraser: "Well, that would put me in Russia, Sir."
Chief: "I thougth they sent you back up the Yukon?"
Fraser: "Well, they did, Sir. ANd then they sent me back here again. I'm afraid I'm not all that well-liked up there, Sir."
Chief: "By up there, you mean..."
Fraser: "Pretty much all of Canada, Sir."
Fraser Sr.: "I arrested your Mother once."
Fraser: "You did not!"
Fraser Sr.: "Honest to God. I gave her a speeding ticket."
Fraser: "You knew it was her car and you pulled her over anyway?"
Fraser Sr.: "No, I was right there in the passenger seat."
Fraser: "Get out!"
Fraser Sr.: "She was doing 45 in a 30."
Ray: "Spend a lot of time alone as a child, Fraser?"
Fraser: "Yes."
Guy: "You're a cop. You won't shoot me."
Ray: "I'm not that good a cop."
Fraser: "Your ran away but you brought your dress uniform with you?"
Leslie Nielson's character: "No, I rented it. If we don't catch him by Tuesday, I have to pay extra."
Ray (annoyed)to Fraser: "So if you can't say something untrue, please don't say anything at all!"
"Oh, and I want two of our best people undercover in Chinatown. Get McCletsky and O'Hara."
Ray: "The FBI guys couldn't find Waldo if they took the book home for the weekend."
"They say that you believe in people, that you're the only one in the neighborhood without locks on his doors."
Fraser: "Yes, well, that's not entirely intentional."
Ray: "Someone stole them."
