"I like a man who says what he feels. Even if his statements are wrong."
-Megan Conner
Conner: "Shoot the tires out!"
Sandburg: "With what? I don't have a gun - I'm a consultant!"
Sandburg: "How many fingers am I holding up?"
Jim: "None. And if you don't move this along, I'm gonna have to show you one of my fingers."
Jim: "Give a speech?"
Sandburg: "Yeah!"
Jim: "I'd rather have a root canal."
Lee Brackett (bad guy): "You do as you're told and you won't have thousands of deaths on your conscience."
Jim: "Our conscience?"
Brackett: "Well...certainly not mine."
Jim: "Let's get some pizza."
Sandburg: "Hire death? No way man."
Jim: "All right. How about Mexican?"
Sandburg: "Why don't you just shoot the lard straight into your veins? Come on."
Jim: "Hey Sandburg, have you noticed the sudden drop off in the amount of people that'll eat with you?"
Jim dining with monks: "Thank you, Lord...for all that you do...for the great chili...Amen!"
Sandburg: "Vow of silence...me? It's not possible."
Sandburg: "You see, I'm doing a paper on the short-term effects of concentrated television - violence on primates."
Jim: "How many chimps do you know that watch TV?"
Sandburg: "This isn't a chimpanzee, it's a Barbary ape! And the behavioral pattern of a Barbary ape is, like, remarkably similar to a human being."
Jim: "Maybe in your family tree."
Sandburg, in mocking tone: "Maybe in your family..."
There's a loud squeak
Jim: "What was that? Was that a mousetrap?"
Sandburg: "Oh, no, no, no mice are like, small and cute, but these...these!"
Jim: "How can you live like this?"
Sandburg: "Where else am I going to get 10,000 square feet for $850 a month?"
Sandburg: "Trust me."
Jim: "You know, coming from you those are the two scariest words in the english language."
Sandburg and the ape are temporarily living with Jim...
Taggart: "So, how are your...roommates getting along?"
Jim: "Don't ask. He makes all these weird noises, he eats stuff I can't even look at, I mean, he smells funny...all he ever does is watch TV all day...It's driving me crazy! The monkey's OK, though."
Sandburg: "Oh, Simon. Isn't that beautiful?" He puts his arm around Simon's shoulders.
Simon, shrugging him off: "What do you think you're doing? Get off me!"
Sandburg: "Come on. A little brotherly love."
Simon: "Do I look like your brother?"
Sandburg: "From a different mother."
Simon: "Don't you start with me, Sandburg. I'm telling you."
Sandburg: "Aw, come on!" Blair tries putting his arm around Simon again.
Simon: "Get. Go!"
Simon assigns a particular assignment, knowing Jim and Megan have not quite hit it off. "Your cover will be that you're a couple."
Jim: "A couple of what?"
Simon: "A couple of newlyweds."
