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Blockhead (proudly): "How many people do you know that can get out of a straight jacket in under 3 minutes?"
Scully: "Fortunately, none."
-Humbug
Mulder: "They say when you talk to God it's prayer. But when God talks to you, it's schizophrenia."
Mulder: "Will you let me drive?"
Scully: "I'm driving. Why do you always have to drive? Because you're the guy? Because you're the big Macho Man?"
Mulder: "No, I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals."
CSM: "Life is like a box of chocolates - a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup or an english toffee. But they're gone too fast and the taste is...fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts and if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is a...is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers."
Mulder, as the thunderstorm worsens: "I'll build the ark, you gather the animals."
Scully walks away.
Mulder: "I was kidding!"
Lyda (Lily Tomlin): "Maybe you repress the truth about why you're really here. Pretending it's about duty or loyalty, unable to admit your dirty little secret. Your only joy in life is proving him wrong."
Maurice: "You're right. These two do seem pretty miserable. We need to show them just how lonely Christmas can be."
Lyda: "Now that's the old Yuletide spirit."
Scully: "I don't need my metal tested."
Mulder finds a watch in the toilet: "I've heard of passing the time...-ouch."
Mulder speaking literally: "I think the deputy went out with the bathwater."
Mulder and Scully go undercover as a married couple.
"So, where'd you meet?"
Mulder: "A UFO convention."
