by
SUZY
Rachel stood at her bedroom window watching her young charges going about their morning activities, feeling her life disintegrating more and more each day. The whole station was rapidly falling to pieces, and it seemed that not a thing she did could help.
As she watched the riders doing their chores, she couldn’t help but watch each of them individually making sure they were alright. Buck was spreading feed in the corral trough for the horses and hanging a new salt lick. She wasn’t sure who she should be more concerned about, but she had always had a tender spot in her heart for the Kiowa rider, after all, of all of the riders, with his mixed heritage, she knew he would be the one that would face the hardest future. Especially now that he had become such an angry young man, Noah’s tragic death following so soon after the loss of his best friend had left him cynical and angry at the world.
Jimmy, so confused and despondent before Noah’s death, sat on the bunkhouse porch cleaning waht she was sure were going to become the tools of his profession, his guns. She knew that Jimmy was a good person, perhaps a little too good for his own wellbeing but controversy and heresay had blown his reputation with a gun, not to mention Longley’s dime store novels, out of all proporation. Now he would spend his days always looking over his shoulder, always looking for the next gunman seeking a trophy.
She also knew that he was hurting after Kid and Lou’s wedding, the others might be blind to his emotions but she knew that he loved Lou deeply, she also knew that Lou at least partially returned his feeling but she had married her soul mate, and unintentionally and probably unwittingly broken her best friends heart in the process.
Even the blonde, always joking prankster Cody had become subdued and withdrawn. Noah had died senselessly in his arms and at the moment at least it seemed to be too much for him to bear. Added to his own feelings of guilt was the fact that he also felt shunned by the people he called family, Rachel knew that what hurt him the most was Teaspoon turning his back on him as he joined the army. She had watched the pain in his eyes as the man he thought of as a father harangued him with the reasons whey he shouldn’t have signed up, not allowing him to feel any of the pride she knew he felt in the uniform, the loyalty to his country and government and even more importantly his ability to feel useful in a world that was disintegrating around him.
Listening to the sounds of movement across the hall she realised that the couple the waystation had pinned their hopes and dreams on were waking. It was some honeymoon they were on, married in a beautiful ceremony, the sadness began almost as soon as their wedding was completed, one of Lou’s young army friends dying at the church, then Noah losing his own tragically short life. She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears that neve seemed to be far from her eyes these days. If any two people deserved just a little happiness it was Kid and Lou, both of them had had such sad lives and such a rocky road to the altar. It wasn’t that they didn’t love each other, it was probably just the opposite, each loved the other so much that they had made their courtship almost painful to be a part of, each forcing the other to unintentionally hurt the other.
Shaking her tousled blonde locks she sat at her dressing table and brushed her sleep tangled curls, fashioning them into her customary loose chignon. Slipping out of her nightgown, she donned her usual blouse and skirt before slipping her feet into her boots, then she took one last look at the mirror and wiped the residue of her tears from her face, before she set off to cross to the bunkhouse and prepare the days breakfast.
“Morning Rachel” Teaspoon spoke softly as she walked out onto the front porch from his seat on her front steps.
“Mornin Teaspoon” she answered wondering why he was waiting at her door.
“Rachel honey” Teaspoon spoke softly wanting to speak with her, but when she turned her tear wet eyes on him all thoughts of his own questions fled his mind “Rachel, things will turn out, trust me” he stood to take her into his arms, knowing that she would never let the riders see her like this while she worried about them. He had grown to respect her deeply since she had answered their help wanted sign. Not much older than the riders, herself she had taken on the role of housekeeper, friend, confidant and substitute mother happily. He knew that she was hurting now, and there was nothing he could do for her until the riders sorted their emotions out and stopped taking them out on each other. he watched he stand at her window every morning watching, and saw the evidence of her tears, even if the others didn’t.
“I Know” she pulled out of his embrace and wiped away the signs of her renewed tears “I’m just being silly I know” she smiled waterily at him as she straightened and moved down the steps.
She tried to keep her smile plastered tightly on her face as she watched the boys who had shared a room for the last two years all growl their way through the breakfast she had prepared. the only ones who actually enjoyed their meal were Kid and Lou, sharing gentle and affectionate touches, loving smiles but she could tell that they were feeling guilty at their pleasure in each other when everyone else was in so much pain around them.
Rachel shook her head, her eyes filling with tears at the way their tiny little family was falling to pieces around her. Not wanting to embarrass herself in front of the others, she softly excused herself and walked out of the bunkhouse. Teaspoon watched her go and turned angry eyes on the boys and Lou.
“I’m only gonna say this once boys, so best you all listen closely” he watched them all carefully as they turned their faces to him. “I know losing Noah hurt all of us, but we all have to go on. This has to stop now. Do you hear me?” he tried to get his message across to them he stood and leaned on the table, his weight resting on his fists “I won’t have you hurting her anymore....this has to stop now” he paused “Can’t you see you’re breaking her heart?” he watched the realisation dawning on their faces and moved away from the table intent on finding Rachel and trying to ease her pain.
“Rachel” he called her as he watched her standing on the end of the porch her shoulders gently shaking as she sobbed quietly. He walked the length of the porch and stood behind her looping his arms gently around her waist, touching her more familiarly than he had before. Encouraged when she leaned back against him and rested her head against his shoulder he tightened his hold on her.
“they have all suffered so much Teaspoon, why is God doing this to them? They are good kids, they don’t deserve so much pain.” she subsided into his embrace content to be held by the lawman.
“Maybe its a test for them Rachel, who knows, we just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, the world must go on and us along with it.” he spoke against her hair before turning her in his loose embrace.
“Rachel, I know this will be a surprise for you, and I don't expect an answer right away.” he placed one weathered hand and under her chin and turned her face up to his so he was looking into her watery eyes. “I only ask that you consider it” he paused “I would like you to consider marrying me Rachel” he watched the confusion fill her beautiful eyes and continued quickly putting a finger against her lips as she would have spoken “We could have a good life Rachel, we know each other better than most already married couples do, we could be happy together’ he leaned down to place a tender kiss on her softly parted lips before turning to walk inside again.
Moments later, Lou appeared at Rachel’s side, her velvet eyes full of concern for her friend. Placing a gerntle hand on Rachel’s shoulder not understanding exactly why Teaspoon had sent her outside, but startled to see Rachel so upset.
“Are you alright Rachel” she murmured softly confused by Rachel’s tears
“I’m fine Lou” Rachel smiled at her young friend as she sank onto the edge of the porch
“Teaspoon said you were upset” Lou spoke as she sat beside her
“He just proposed to me Lou” Rachel turned to Louise her eyes bright with tears.
“What did you say?” Lou replied stunned by Rachel’s admission
“I haven’t answered him yet” she murmured
“What are you going to say?” Lou asked wondering which way her friend would turn.
Rachel turned to the young girl who was her closest friend in the world and nodded her head gently
“I’m going to say yes Lou” she spoke softly “Until he asked me, I had honestly never thought of Teaspoon romantically, but just standing here thinking about him, I can’t imagine my life without him.” she stopped and waited for Lou to look into her face again “I know that I have been a pain in the neck to be around lately, but I have felt like the world has been spinning out of control around me, I didn’t know what I was going to do now that the express is finishing and you are all going your own way.” she hugged Lou close “We will be happy together Lou” she paused again “I know we will” she released her
“Are you okay now?” Lou murmured realising that Rachel had found her own source of peace as she nodded her head. Rising she started to walk back into the bunkhouse a wide smile on her face.
Rachel sat there for a few more moments, for the first time in weeks feeling at peace within herself, she now had a purpose in life again, and she was determined that she was going to make Teaspoon happy for whatever time they had together she knew they would share that time in wedded bliss.
Lifting herself off the edge of the porch she walked back into the bunkhouse, a new spring in her step as she moved towards a new chapter of her life.
