Chapter 4

A screamed ripped from her voice as Amanda sat up straight. "Where is he? Where am I? Ezra?"

Ike moved closer to her, trying to soothe her fears. She was pale, her eyes haunted as she frantically searched the camp. She was disoriented and as Ike moved closer to her, Amanda drew away, startled. Finally she realized who it was and began to relax slightly. "Ike, where are we?"

//Out of town, half way to Fenton// he signed, his eyes searching her face. //It's okay. Ezra will take care of it.//

"But Tommie....Jenny....." Amanda said, her voice trailing off. "Evan," she finally managed to choke out. For several seconds she was quiet, staring into Ike's calming green eyes. "How did he get out, Ike? How could he possibly get a pardon? And why here? Why now?" she asked, an image of his lusty, leering gaze burning in her mind as she began to chew on her bottom lip.

His heart broke for her. He could see the old scars that were forever etched on her beautiful face, and knew that they were nothing compared to those that had been left on her soul. He shook his head. //I don't know//

She seemed to mull it over for several minutes, her teeth scraping across her lip. It was an old habit, one he couldn't remember her doing in a long time. But it came back to him quickly, those days after her memory had returned, when her mind had always been a million miles away. He had thought he had lost her back then, even after Emma and Sam had found her in Seneca.

Suddenly, she stood up, jerking Ike from his thoughts. "We have to go back," she said sternly, heading for Ike's horse. "We have to be there for Tommie and Buck. We have to make sure that Evan Windmere pays for his part in what they did to me and to Tommie. We have to make sure that Jenny doesn't ruin what Tommie and Buck have worked so hard to build. We have to get him Ike......" She faltered, taking a step back as tears began to roll down her cheeks. "Or I will never be free."

Ike quickly jumped to his feet, following behind her. He reached out, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and turning her toward him. Immediately, she buried her face against his chest, sobbing softly. For several minutes, he did nothing but hold her. He wanted her to get it out, to share with him what has been bothering her, and for one fleeting moment, he thought she would. Finally, she pulled back a little, her brilliant green eyes full of fear, but there was something new....a renewed sense of strength. Ike tried to offer her a tender smile. //Ezra wanted you out of town. I gave him my word.//

Amanda cupped Ike's cheeks in her hands, drawing him forward. Gently, she kissed his lips. It was a soft, tender kiss and Ike felt as if butterflies dance in his stomach. He lived for her touch, lived to be close to her. "And your word means a lot Ike, but Tommie means more," she said as she began to smile. But it wasn't the usual gentle, kind smile that he had fallen in love with. It was full of hate and rage, and it cried out with revenge. "I will see Evan rot in hell if it's the last thing I do."

With that said, she moved quickly to the horse, slipping gracefully into the saddle with a renewed confidence. "Or at least see him back in jail," she said, looking down at him from the saddle where she sat tall and full of purpose. "I love you Ike. But you have a choice to make. You can either come with me or I will leave you here. It's up to you."

He could only stare at her. 'Ezra's going to kill me,' he thought to himself as he shrugged his shoulders. Sighing heavily, he crossed to the horse and climbed up behind her as she spurred the horse into action, making their way back toward the waystation.

Things were starting to unravel. He could feel it in his very bones. He only hoped that they could survive whatever the Gods had in store for them.

The sun was bright that afternoon as Amanda rode beside Ezra. The conversation had been minimal since they left the way station. He had been mysterious in their outing. He had arrived before 10 am, flashing his charming smile and saying that he had to borrow his sister for the afternoon. Amanda, of course, did not object. She had not been all that useful that morning anyway.

After returning to the way station the night before with Ike, she had learned that the pardon was indeed legitimate. Somehow Evan had managed to pull it off. Though he hadn't been the one to kidnap her from town, he certainly hadn't been the one to free her either. He had taken his share of shots at her while she was in and out of consciousness. He had laughed and cheered Austin on as he had partaken in her beatings. And through it all, he never objected to his own sister's captivity and it made Amanda sick to her stomach.

"Ezra, where are we going?" she finally asked, meeting his emerald eyes as she slowed her horse to a trot.

Ezra sighed heavily, reigning his horse to a halt as they neared a slow moving creek. Slipping from his mount, he made his way to the water. "I just thought you might enjoy getting away from town for a bit," he said casually as he leaned down on the bank, dipping his handkerchief into the cool liquid.

Amanda watched him with a new found amusement. Ezra Standish was a brilliant gambler, charming and dazzling in every venture he pursued. He could convince a man that he had spoken with God directly and that donations were the way to heaven. He could bluff a card player into believing absolutely anything he wanted the player to believe. He could convince a lawman that he didn't rob the bank, even while holding the bank bag in his very hands. But he couldn't lie to her; she could see right through him as if he were glass. Silently, she waited for him to tell her the truth.

Ezra could feel her eyes on his back and he knew his effort to lie were all for not. Placing the cool, damp cloth to his forehead, he stood and turned to face her. "Don't buy that, do you?" he asked with a playful smirk.

Amanda shook her head as she swung her leg over the mount and lowered herself to the ground. "It was a nice try brother, but I know you better than that. You were up and ready far too earlier for a simple morning ride."

He was silent for several minutes, watching as Amanda stood with her arms folded across her chest. She looked pale and tired, as if she had not found sleep at all. For that he couldn't blame her. Sleep had not found him either.

Finally, he took a deep breath. Ezra knew exactly how Amanda felt about what he wanted to do and he was prepared for a fight. "I want to teach you something Amanda and before you protest, hear me out." He reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a small black Derringer.

Amanda looked from Ezra to the weapon he held in his hand. It was small, it's short black barrel a sharp contrast to the faded gold etched handle. It bore a strong resemblance to the one that Ezra himself carried. She looked back at him. "All right," she said matter-of-factly.

Ezra could not read the expression on his sister's face. "Now, I know you hate guns, but I'm just trying to think of your protection. Between the riders, Ike, the 7 and me, you are definitely safe. I hope you know that. But if there were a second, only a second when you were alone......" his voice trailed off as he shuddered at the thought.

Amanda smiled. "I said all right, Ezra."

He looked as if he had been slapped. Ezra had expected a fight. He had expected war to get her to carry a gun. What he hadn't expected was her to agree so quickly. "You'll carry it?"

"I'll carry it," she said softly, her face calm and solemn.

For one split second, Ezra felt almost more nervous with the idea of her carrying the gun than he did with her being unprotected. He shook the thought away. "All right then. Let's teach you how to use it," he said as he moved to his saddle bag, pulling some old bottles out of his saddle bag as he handed the little Derringer to her with his free hand. He dropped the gun into her outstretched hands before moving toward an outcropping of rocks and placing bottles in a neat little row.

Amanda turned the little mechanism over in her hand. She felt a sudden sense of power as she stared at the gun. Never would she need to fear leaving the station. Never would she fear walking down the streets of Rock Creek. Never would she have to fear anything again. A slow smile broke out across her face.

"Amanda?" Ezra asked as he returned to her. "Are you sure you are okay with this?" He could see a mixed expression on her face, and his first impression was that it was one of fear. But for a brief second, he could have sworn he saw her smile.

Amanda looked startled as if she were pulled from a trance. Instantly, the smile faded. "Huh .....oh, yeah. I mean, if you think I should Ezra, then I trust your judgment."

Ezra clapped his hands together. "All right then. Let's teach you to shoot."

When she had been forced to leave Sweetwater for Rock Creek, there had been little time for Tommie to pack. Indeed, her father had done most of it for her. However she did have time to grab two things. One was a portrait of her family in happier times. The other had been carefully hidden away in her satchel all this time.

Now she removed it and sat staring at it for a long while, almost as if willing it to disappear. She couldn’t deny she did want it to simply vanish; so much of her life now was entwined in her future with Buck that the past had become an easy thing to ignore. But once in awhile, the past would come back and buzz around her like an angry fly. As she thought over what she was going to do, Tommie realized that there was only one thing to do now that the fly had returned: she had to kill it.

With a sigh, she pocketed the last remainder of a time she would rather forget and she headed into town.

Thompkins stared at her suspiciously, as she had known he would. Tommie could only hope that his curiosity didn’t extend to questioning Buck or the others about this. She held her breath and waited for him to make up his mind.

Finally he nodded. "You realize I don’t keep money like this around the store; I’ll have to make a trip to the bank."

"That’s fine." She agreed, relieved. "I’ll come back tomorrow."

~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~

The next day after she had paid her promised visit to Thompkins, Tommie paused outside the store door, building up her courage for what she had to do next. She forced her feet to turn in the opposite direction of the stationhouse, instead heading for her aunt’s establishment. Only the bulk in her skirt pocket kept her from running straight home.

When she went inside and inquired at the desk for the room number she wanted, she was grateful to find that the place was relatively empty and the desk clerk didn’t seem to know her. In a bored way, he pointed in the general direction of the room she sought and went back to reading the dime novel in front of him. Tommie hoped the rest of her visit went as smoothly.

She climbed the steps slowly and soon enough found herself standing outside room thirteen. She paused to take a deep calming breath, and then she knocked lightly. She heard the approaching footsteps and the door swung open. Evan’s face broke into a wide grin when he recognized her.

"Well, well, little sis! Finally decided to drop by for a visit, eh?" He chuckled.

"Can I come in?" Tommie inquired flatly.

So many memories whirled through her head at the sight of her brother. The way he had cruelly taunted her by threatening Amanda. The pleasure he seemed to gain by hurting both of them. And his puzzling decision to help Tommie escape. All of these flashed through her mind as she surveyed him.

Evan studied her for a minute as if trying to determine her motives, and then he swung the door open wider and stepped back. "Come on in."

Tommie stood by the window uncomfortably while Evan threw himself across the bed. It disconcerted her a little that her brother seemed so nonplussed by her visit, almost as if he had been expecting her. She could feel his eyes on her as she tried to gather her thoughts.

"Why are you here, Evan?" She asked finally, deciding for an up front approach.

His eyebrows raised a little at the question. "If you’re gonna start in on how I don’t have a right to be here like your friends did, you can save yourself the trouble and leave now. I ain’t in no mood for a lecture."

Her gaze was hard. "And I’m not in the mood to deliver one. I want to know what you’re doing here."

"I stay with Aunt Marge." Evan replied after a pause. Then his blue eyes crinkled at the corners slightly as he smiled. "When I ain’t passin’ the time in some jail."

Tommie was quiet, trying to judge if he was telling her the truth. "I want you to leave."

He laughed. "Well, that ain’t gonna happen. Some things never change, do they? You waltz in here like own the place and start bossin’ me around. But guess what? It didn’t work when we were kids and it ain’t gonna work now. You don’t own me, little sister, and you sure as hell don’t tell me what to do."

"I’m not bossing and I’m not telling." She said, her voice hard like nails. "I want you out of Rock Creek. You’ve ruined my wedding, deceived poor Jenny Thompkins, and you kidnapped and beat Amanda. I can’t believe you have the nerve to stick around. If you had any conscience at all, you’d be halfway to Canada by now."

A small vein began to pulse in Evan’s forehead. "Oh yeah? And I guess you’re little miss perfect, right? Tell me something, Sis, does that half-breed of yours know about your past? How about those two prissy friends of yours; do they know about Laramie? Have any of those so-called lawmen you’re so tight with ever thought to ask you just how you knew Austin in the first place? My guess is no, little sister."

Her pale skin became even fairer, then began to burn a fiery red. Evan smirked at her expression. "That’s what I thought. So you’ve got them fooled just like you did Ma and Pa; made them think you’re a sweet little innocent girl and I’m the wicked brother." He made a harsh laughing sound. "God! Pa thought you could do no wrong! He kicked me out but you were an angel to him! Well, guess what? You play dirty with me here, Thomasina, and I’ll make damn sure those friends of yours find out about everything. Then we’ll see how much they protect you and take care of you. You’re no better than I am, Sis; in fact you’re worse. At least I don’t pretend to be something I’m not!"

Tommie shook with fury. She wanted to lash out at her brother, to hurt him, to make him feel what she was feeling. Only using tremendous force was she able to stay still. Gritting her teeth, she tried to remain calm. "I’m prepared to pay."

"What?" He asked, clearly not prepared for her new tactic. "What the hell are you talking about?"

She removed the cash from her skirt pocket and dangled it in front of him. "I’ll pay you to leave. Ride out of Rock Creek tonight and this is all yours."

Evan took the money and rifled his thumb over the thick stack of bills. He looked at her curiously. "Where did you get this kind of money?"

"It doesn’t matter." Tommie said firmly.

"None of them express riders have a pot to piss in and I don’t figure law work is paying this kinda cash." He suddenly began to grin. "This is part of the stash, ain’t it? You’ve held onto some of it all this time, haven’t you?"

She only stared at him stonily, giving him all the answer he needed. "Blood money, little sister, I’m surprised you’d lower yourself. I guess you must really think you love that red man."

"I love him more than my life. I’d do anything for him." She said quietly.

Glancing at the money he still held, Evan smiled. "So I see. And them friends of yours, I guess you feel the same way about them?"

"Absolutely."

He placed the money back in her hand and closed her fingers around it. "Then I suggest you make sure they don’t ever find out about this. I mean it, Tommie. Let me be or I’ll have an interesting little tale to tell."

Her jaw set stubbornly as her face fell. "Why? Why do you want to stay here?"

"I’ve got my reasons." He replied simply.

She turned to go, feeling defeated. She was about to close the door behind her when Evan spoke again.

"Tell your friend Amanda I send my regards." He said slyly.

Tommie faced him again, her face filled with hatred. "You come near her and I’ll kill you, Evan. I mean it! You can tell whomever you want to about my past and whatever it is you think I’ve done but I won’t let you hurt her again. Do you hear me? Stay away from her!"

Evan only looked at her silently for awhile then he began to grin. "Get out."

She slammed the door behind her as she left so hard that it rattled in the frame. She tried to calm herself as she walked quickly back towards the stationhouse but with little reward. No matter how much she tried, Tommie couldn’t stop from repeating Evan’s words over and over in her head. His threats towards her worried her, but more than anything, she couldn’t help but feel that as long as Evan was around, Amanda was still in danger.

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~LAYNE~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

The evening sky hung like a rich tapestry against the horizon. The vibrant colors of cobalt blue, magenta, and orange deepened into a dusky black punctuated with the flashing and twinkling of a million stars. It was going to be one of those nights so clear, it seemed as if the sky were close enough to caress.

Layne watched all this from her positon on a slight hill behind her house. In her lap lay a sketchpad and a pencil and on the paper were her attempts to capture what she saw before her. Her face conveyed a vague look of frustration as she longed for her watercolors so she would be able to experiment with the everchanging array of colors the night sky was presenting to her.

Watching a scene of such beauty, feeling the cool breeze tickling the hair on her neck, and hearing the distant song of the cicada would normally relax her but tonight Layne was just filled with a uneasy sense of restlessness. Her body was still but would not rest and her mind whirled around her like an unsettled spirit.

She didn't have to search long to find the source of her discomfort. Ever since she had let Buck Wilmington kiss her, Layne had lived in a constant state of agitation. She alternated between bursts of giddy abandonment and a overwhelming sense of guilt. Her carefully constructed life of deceit and planning threatened to crumble at any time.

Suddenly she balled up the sketch she had been working on for more than an hour and tossed it on the ground. Anger filled her; anger at herself and anger at the man who so casually came into her life and disrupted her purpose. Always she had been a woman in complete control of her emotions. Now with one kiss Buck managed to send her spiraling out of control on an axis of her own.

Layne felt like a schoolgirl, pining to see her sweetheart again. What she hated most was the fact that she didn't understand it. Certainly she didn't know Buck well enough to have any sort of feelings towards him; she had never been one to believe in love at first sight anyway. What she had was a plain old uncensored case of lust, that was easy enough to figure out. But if it were that simple, why couldn't she get past it? Why did she hope that he would come riding up with that big grin on his face while at the same time desperately wishing that he would stay away forever.

I am a strong woman, she told herself. She could get past this, she would. Buck Wilmington may be a handsome, charming cowboy who had turned her head but Grayson was her husband, her security. And nothing was going to change that.

~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~

Buck, Chris, and Vin were enjoying a cup of coffee at the jail when Grayson Gregory walked in. It was plain he was a man who was used to people standing at attention when he entered a room and he looked a bit put out when the three men merely glanced at him from their seats. He cleared his throat and waited expectantly.

"What can we do for you?" Chris asked finally, pushing back his black hat a little.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen." Grayson greeted. "I am in need of some assistance."

"Well, you came to the right place." Vin drawled.

Mr. Gregory glanced at him rather condescendingly. "That's reassuring to know. Larabee, I am going out of town on business; I have some affairs to attend to back in Texas. It is my wife's desire not to accompany me as I'm sure you can understand. The trip isn't pleasant and rather long. However, I do not feel comfortable leaving her alone with only the servants as protection; particularily since the trouble we had a couple weeks back."

Chris nodded. "So you want me to send out someone to watch the place. For how long?"

"I expect to be gone at least three weeks." Grayson replied.

"Buck, you and JD up to it?" Chris glanced at his friend.

"I don't know, Chris..." Buck hedged. "Can't Vin go?"

"Sorry, Buck." Vin shook his head. "I'd like to but I'm taking that ride to Willow Springs for a prisoner exchange."

"I'd really like it if you and Mr. Dunne would come." Grayson cut in. "Since you have stayed with us before, I'm sure Layne would be more comfortable."

Buck was silent and Chris wondered what had gotten into him. He waited for Buck to say something but his friend remained quiet. Finally Chris answered for him.

"When do you need us?"

"I'll be leaving in two days."

"Alright." Chris agreed. "We'll be out that way then."

Mr. Gregory thanked them and left. Chris made sure the man was well out of earshot before speaking again.

"What's going on, Buck?"

"Nothin'."

"Must be something." Vin joined in. "You sure as hell don't want to go back to the Gregory place."

"It ain't nothin'!" Buck said a little too hastily as he stood. "I...I just don't like the hours is all."

With that, he picked up his hat and headed outside. Vin and Chris looked at each other suspiciously.

"You believe him?" Chris asked.

"Nope. Buck ain't never had no objections to staying up late and I'd say that sitting around a campfire protectin' a pretty lady from nothin' would be right up his alley." Vin observed.

Chris rubbed his chin. "Wonder what's eatin' him then?"

"Don't know. But whatever it is, I sure hope he gets over it fast. I sure don't fancy having to take over for him when I get back from Willow Springs." Vin laughed.

The two friends went back to their coffee and the matter was forgotten.

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~TOMMIE~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

Tommie barely listened to the conversation going on around her. She was seated at the table in the bunkhouse, eating dinner with Buck, Ike, Kid, and Eshe. Idly she picked at the green beans on her plate, lost in thought.

The subject of conversation was Amanda. Everyone was concerned for her, Tommie as much as the rest, but she couldn't help going over and over her meeting with Evan the previous day. He had threatened to tell everyone about her past and she knew it wasn't just idle talk.

Tommie had worked so hard to put her involvement with Austin behind her, especially after moving to Sweetwater. When she had met Buck everything before him had seemed so insignificant. It wasn't that she had meant to keep her past a secret, she had just never found it important to tell him. Buck seemed so accepting of her as she was; he had never really questioned her life before him.

Would he be as accepting if he found out about her participation in Austin's and Evan's schemes? Buck was so kindhearted and tender towards her, it was hard to think of him being anything but forgiving, but Tommie also knew that the code of conduct among men in the west was different. What might be perfectly acceptable for a man could be reprehensible for a woman.

She idly ran a finger around her glass of milk. There had to be some way to get rid of Evan but what? His only weakness was money and she had already tried that.

Buck touched her arm gently. "Tommie? Are you alright? You look worried."

She glanced up quickly. The others were still talking and thankfully hadn't noticed her distraction. Only Buck, who knew her so well, could sense that she was troubled.

"I'm fine." She forced a smile.

"It's your brother, isn't it?" He asked and her heart dropped. "Are you worried he might try to hurt you or Amanda?"

Tommie swallowed hard. If he only knew! "Something like that."

Buck leaned closer to her and squeezed her hand comfortingly. "Tommie, please don't worry. I promise you that you and Amanda are safe. One of us is keeping an eye on Evan day and night."

Great! She thought to herself. That gives him plenty of opportunity to tell someone about me. And then what would happen? Would she be outcast from the station? Forced to leave the ones she loved behind because of a mistake she had thought was long forgotten?

Tommie looked up and Eshe caught her eye, smiling.

"I think that's enough of that kind of talk." Eshe said to the others. "Let's talk about something more cheerful...like when Tommie and Buck are going to finish their wedding!"

Everyone looked at Tommie expectantly. "I--I don't know, I haven't really thought about it, I guess. So much else has happened..."

Eshe nodded understandingly. "It's certainly not the best of luck having your brother back in town."

"But you can't put your whole life on hold either." Kid cut in. "Y'all have a right to some happiness and you shouldn't let Evan stop you from that."

"There's no hurry." Buck said gently as he smiled at her. "I want the next time to be perfect."

Tommie looked at him with relief. He was so patient and understanding...surely he wouldn't condemn her for the past...would he? Somehow she would have to find a way to tell him before they rescheduled the wedding. Buck had a right to know everything about her before he agreed to spend the rest of his life with her.

Yes, she would have to find a way to tell him...but how?

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~AMANDA~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

She stood at the window, her back to the door. But she heard him enter, knew he had sat down in the chair near the door and was staring at her before she even turned around. Taking a deep breath, she smiled as she glanced over her shoulder. "Ike, honey, I thought you had a ride this morning?"

//I'm leaving soon// he signed, never taking his eyes off of her. For several seconds, there was silence. Oh, how he loved her, he thought to himself, watching the way her silky strands of hair lay against her back. Finally, he gathered the courage to continue. //Are you okay?//

It was no secret that Amanda wasn't her self, and that she hadn't been for a while. Everyone knew it. Ezra knew it, and it ate him up inside. Tommie and Eshe knew it and worried about their friend endlessly. The other riders knew it. Even the lawmen and townsfolk knew it. The thing that kept eluding everyone was why.

She turned on her heels, brushing loose strands of hair from her face as she crossed to her bureau, picking up her brush and absently running it through her hair. "I'm fine, Ike. Couldn't be better? Why do you ask?"

She knew that Ike would see through her charade. He did know her better than anyone, but Amanda still felt she must try. Glancing at his reflection in the mirror, her shoulders slumped as she let out a heavy sigh. Ike only stared back at her.

"I'll be all right Ike. It's just...." she started to say, but stopped. It was just what? she thought to herself. It was just that every time she saw Evan, she thought of the horrors of her past. It was just that every time she looked at Ike, she couldn't help wondering if he saw her the way everyone else saw her...as damaged. It was just that she feared he would eventually leave her, never wanting to marry her or be with it. And if he did propose, it was just that she feared he would be giving up his chance at having children since she may never be able to bare any. It was just that the memories and nightmares of the past where eating her alive. How could she tell the man she loved all of that?

Looking into Ike's clear green eyes, she genuinely smiled. "I've just been a bit under the weather lately. That's all."

Ike returned her smile briefly before it slipped from his youthful face. Diverting his eyes to the floor, he began to fidget with his hands. Amanda could see that he was gathering the courage to ask her something, and she was beginning to fear what that question might be.

Finally, he looked up once again. //Did Austin or Evan ever...// Ike stopped, not sure how to continue.

Amanda felt the color drain from her face. "Did they what?" Of course, she knew where he was going with it, but it was a question that Amanda never expected Ike to ask.

He swallowed hard, his tongue darting out to moisten his lips. //When you were hostage, did they...// He couldn't bring himself to sign it.

"Ike, I don't want to talk about this. It's in the past," she said, setting her hair brush down on the dresser and gathering her long strands of blonde hair into a neat bun at the base of her neck. Turning quickly, she headed for the door, but Ike caught hold of her arm.

//You can talk to me. You can tell me anything// Ike signed, his movements agitated and confused.

Tears welled up in Amanda's eyes, allowing his strong grip to dig into the tender flesh of her arm. "Oh, can I?" she asked as wet drops trailed down her cheeks. "Are you sure? Do you really want to know? Know what happened, know what I am, what I've become. You can't even finish your question, Ike. It's the past. Let sleeping dogs lie."

With that, she pulled away, disappearing into the hall and out of the front door.

~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~

She held the small bag of goods tightly in her hands. She hadn't really needed them; the station house was fully stocked at the moment. But she had needed to get away, the pressure of Ike's gaze too much for her to bare.

For so long she had escaped the questions, but with Evan's return, she knew she wasn't going to be able to escape them for much longer. The questions of the past where becoming increasingly more difficult to forget, to ignore. She remembered it in her dreams, the men, the noises, the pains. Even her waking hours were beginning to be consumed with it. She just didn't know what to do.

"Where you going Angelface?"

Amanda jumped, clutching the bag tightly to her body as she turned toward the voice, knowing exactly who the owner was before she ever saw him. "Evan, what do you want?" she asked, her heart racing as she tried to keep her voice steady.

He laughed carelessly, his eyes trailing down her body. "Just to talk, Angel. That ain't a crime you know." Evan stood against a nearby building, one foot raised and resting against the wall behind him. His hands were hitched in his gun belt, a cheroot clutched between his teeth as his laughter dissolved into a Cheshire smile.

Amanda felt the first signs of panic set in as the lusty glare in Evan's eyes. She looked down the street toward the jail. "My brother is right down...."

Evan cut her off. "Your brother is at the way station, far from here. Your little boyfriend is on a run, clear in another town. Who cares where the other riders are 'cause they don't give a shit about you anyway, angel. It's only you and I," he said, pulling the cheroot out of his mouth and flicking it out into the street.

Amanda swallowed hard, feeling like an animal trapped in the scope of a rifle. "But the other lawmen...."

"They don't care," he said soothingly, his eyes fixed on her as he stood up. He took a step toward her. "You just keep that brother of yours occupied, leaving more work for them. No, angel, I'm the only one that cares. To them, you're soiled. Maybe not by me or Austin," he said reluctantly. His tongue snaked out, licking his lips greedily at the idea. "But you're soiled all the same, Amanda. Even your little boyfriend knows that."

She shook her head furiously. "Stay away from me, Evan. I mean it," she said as she started down the boardwalk, but Evan stepped quickly in front of her, his hands out to catch her. Amanda immediately recoiled.

"Why do you think he doesn't want to marry you? You're used. You can't possibly think he'll do you right and make you his wife," he said with a laugh. Suddenly, his face grew serious and a chill ran down Amanda's spine. "I'm the only one, Amanda. I'm the only one that loves you the way you are."

"Everything okay?"

Josiah stood on the boardwalk, his hand resting on the butt of his pistol. He looked from Amanda to Evan and back. He could see the terror in the young girl's face and held a hand out to her. "Ain't you due back at the way station, Amanda?"

Swallowing hard, Amanda pushed past Evan shaking her head yes as she went. She slipped her tiny hand in Josiah's as she cleared her throat. "Good day Mr. Windmere," she said meekly, Evan words eating at the edges of her heart.

~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~TOMMIE~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~

Buck watched Tommie, the small half-smile playing upon his face. His expression had a softness to it, a vunerability not often seen. He looked, he supposed, like any man in love would except for one thing. His deep eyes were a shade darker with worry.

Tommie was unaware that Buck was observing her. She sat on an old tree stump near the creek. Her knees were drawn up close to her body and her chin rested on them. A small frown line creased her forehead.

She turned sharply when she heard the footsteps approaching and she offered Buck a gentle smile. Holding out her hand, Tommie gestured him closer. He came and sat next to her, enclosing her small hand in his larger, rougher one.

For a while Buck was silent, simply noticing the differences between their entwined hands. He liked how the sunlight picked up the goldish red glints in the fine hair on her arms. The summer had brought about an increase in her freckles that made her look more girlish.

"What are you thinking?" Tommie asked presently.

He glanced into her blue eyes, feeling the almost overwhelming sense of awe that he always did when he was so near to her. A fear flashed across him suddenly; a quick vision of what his life would be like without her.

She was waiting for his answer, so he swallowed past the fear and tried to return her smile. "I was just thinking about how much I love you."

Tommie touched his cheek. "I love you, too."

The simple honesty in her voice relieved him some and gave him the courage to continue. "Tommie...I've been worried about you, about us, lately. It seems like there's a distance between us and I don't like it. I know Evan has been worrying you, but...is there something else?"

She inhaled a deep breath. The need to tell Buck everything was overpowering. He knew her so well! A sense of relief poured over her but with it came the certainty that she knew Buck as well. And if he were to find out about her past...about Austin and Evan...how could she expect him to still love her?

She smiled again to reassure him. "No, Buck. I've just been worried about Amanda, that's all."

At least that much was true. There was an aloofness to Amanda now that Tommie didn't like. And it was affecting everyone. Ike and Ezra were often seen with worried frowns. The strain drifted down on the entire station like a net pulling tighter and tighter.

Buck traced the rings in the stump with his finger, his eyes dark and cloudy. "Can I ask you something, Tommie?"

"You can ask me anything, Buck." She chided softly. "You know that."

He nodded but still he hesitated. Finally he looked up and met her eyes, gathering the courage he needed to go on. "I don't want to pressure you...I've just been wondering..." He trailed off.

"Yes?" She gently urged him to continue.

"There's no hurry, really...It's just, it's been three months and you haven't mentioned it..."

Tommie looked puzzled. "What is it, Buck?"

He shook his head a little, aggravated at his own nervousness. "Our wedding, Tommie. Do you still want to marry me?"

"Why, Buck!" She cried. "How can you even ask me that? Of course I do! Why would you even think differently?"

"I don't know." Buck shrugged self-consciously. "It's just...I thought we'd be married by now, Tommie. I want us to be together, to start our life together. With everything that's happened, I guess I was afraid you had started to feel differently."

Tommie felt shame rush through her. How could she explain to him that her hesitation had nothing to do with him? Buck was so perfect, so good...how could she expect him to understand what she had done?

"Buck, I promise you, I want to marry you more than anything else in this world. I've just been distracted with everything else going on. I feel like that if I let my guard down for one minute with Evan then he's going to make his move. He's here for a reason, Buck, I know it. And I'm afraid that the reason is Amanda."

He smoothed her hair with his hand. "Tommie, you know that Ike and Ezra wouldn't let anything happen to Amanda. Besides, maybe a wedding is just what everyone needs; something to get their minds off Evan."

"But she's so upset, Buck! Maybe now's not the best time for Amanda." Tommie protested.

Buck studied her hard for a minute then pulled his hand away from hers and stood. "Tommie, if you don't want to marry me, then just tell me. Don't make excuses with Amanda."

"What? No, Buck, honestly that's not it!"

"Really?" He asked, sitting down beside her again and forcing her to meet his gaze. "Then prove it."

"Wh-what? How?" She asked.

"Marry me, Tommie."

"I am...I will...when all of this is over."

"No." Buck shook his head firmly. "Let's do it now. Don't you see, we're giving Evan exactly what he wants; you're letting him control your decisions, putting off your life waiting for him. Amanda will be fine. Ike and Ezra will see to that. Please...Tommie, please marry me."

She should tell him. She should just force the words out and let the cards fall where they may. Buck deserved to know the truth, especially before he made such a commitment to her. Tommie opened her mouth, started to tell him everything she had hid but suddenly he smiled. Buck smiled his little crooked half smile and her heart sank.

How could she live without him? She couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment in his eyes. To live with what she had done was bad enough, but to face the future without Buck was more than she could stand.

She started to speak again, wanting to force herself to tell him the truth. He deserved to know even if she lost him. But the words wouldn't come. Instead, she took his hands and squeezed them tightly.

"Alright."

Relief filled his face. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Let's do it."

"When?" He asked.

"The sooner the better." She replied. "How about tomorrow?"

"But there won't be time..."

Tommie cut him off. "I don't want to wait any longer, Buck. Let's just have the judge do it and we'll go home."

"But...don't you want to have a real wedding? With cake and all of our friends?"

"Everyone has so much going on right now, let's not worry them. I don't care about the ceremony, Buck. I just want to be married to you." She pleaded.

"Alright." He nodded slowly. "Whatever you want. I'll go see if the judge is available tomorrow."

He kissed her and left. After he was gone, Tommie rested her head on her knees again and sighed. She looked out over the water, wondering if she had done the right thing.

"I can't lose him." She whispered. "I won't."

~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~<*>~~~~~

Evan closed the bedroom door, leaning against it for a minute and sighing. The girl had relieved some of his tension but he still carried a large part of it with him. The girl had only been a necessary release. The source of his needs still eluded him.

He headed downstairs, pausing long enough at the bar to order and knock back a couple rounds of whiskey. Then he headed outside, needing to clear his head from the smell of the smoke, the whiskey, and the girl. He took a deep breath of the warm night air, held it in his lungs then released it.

The street was mostly empty; the respectable townsfolk had long since turned in for the night. Only the riffraff were left; the gamblers and the ladies of ill repute. The thieves and rogues. And him. In which category did he fit?

How about murderer? A voice whispered this into the fatherest corner of his mind and he physically swiped at it with a hand as if brushing away a cobweb. Yes, he had done that. A trail of blood followed him across the West closer than his own shadow.

His conscience didn't bother him, he only thought of it because he was contemplating adding another name to the considerable list. He thought of the bald mute with a grimace. He knew Amanda loved him, though he didn't understand how. How could she love someone that Evan only considered to be half a man?

Evan wasn't crazy and he wasn't stupid. He knew he had little if any chance with the beautiful blonde that consumed his thoughts. By removing Ike from the picture, he would no doubt not endear himself to her anymore. No, it wasn't some dim witted scheme to eliminate the boyfriend and have the damsel to himself.

Evan wasn't crazy. And he wasn't stupid. But he was insanely jealous. The thought of her in that retarded kid's arms sickened him She deserved so much more. Amanda, the taste of it rolled around in his mouth like a fine brandy. Amanda needed a real man. Someone who could take care of her. She deserved a lot more than some bald headed freak could ever offer her.

So in Evan's mind he wasn't removing Ike to better his own position. No, it was a completely unselfish act of love. He was releasing Amanda from her prison. Freeing her from her chains. But he wasn't crazy. Or stupid.

That's why he was meeting the tall man with the long greasy black hair behind the general store building. In the shadows, unseen by anything human, two hands touched and an exchange was made. How much is a life worth, Evan? He thought to himself and smiled. A small price to pay for love.

The greasy haired man fingered through the money, then pocketed it when he was satisfied it was correct.

"When?" Evan asked quietly.

"Soon as I can catch him alone." The man answered, his voice gravelly.

"You could have just left it at soon." Evan replied and walked off.

Chapter 5