Chapter 1 - How It All Began
“Evenin’. Glad to see ya join me. I’ve got a tale to speak on. But this ain’t no ordinary tale. It’s a tale about......well, about me. A tale about what happened to me when I met her, a tale about the day I died.
But I guess I should introduce myself first. Name’s Ike. Ike McSwain. I’m a rider for the Pony Express in Rock Creek, Nebraska. Well, actually I was a rider until.....well, you know.
But I can’t begin there. What kind of story teller would I be if I did. Not a very good one I reckon. So I’ll start from the beginning. I’ll start at the day that I met Emily Metcalfe; a beauty of a woman with a troublesome gambler for a pa. I guess this whole thing would have never happened if her pa hadn’t been in the saloon that day, if I hadn’t been in the saloon that day. But we were and that’s where it all began.
See, it all started one morning when I was coming back from Seneca. I had been on an express run and was heading back to Rock Creek. I was in a bad mood. It sure didn’t have nothing to do with the weather cause it was a glorious day. The sun was shining high in the sky and a gentle breeze had blown in from God only knew where.
I was mad ‘cause a grubby old man in the saloon had started trouble with me. I don’t know what it is about us express riders, but people always seem to want to start trouble. I hadn’t done nothing ‘cept bump into him. But it wasn’t my fault. Some fellows were pushing each other and I just happened to get in the way. The man I bumped into didn’t take kindly to being disturbed.
He started shouting and hollering, and when I tried to say I was sorry, he really got nasty. ‘Parently he didn’t know Indian sign. I knew better than to try. Most people always react funny when they find out that I can’t talk. But it was just so natural to apologize.
Well, he started in on calling me names like “dummy” and “retard”. I don’t understand why people got to be so mean when they encounter others who are different. It ain’t like I want to be different. Just didn’t have much of a choice.
The sheriff finally practically threw me out the door, carrying on and on about how I should know better. Sheriff Maxwell is a good friend of Teaspoon’s so he keeps watch on us when we come into Seneca. I tried to explain, but he would have no part in it. He threw his hands up in the air and walked away, leaving me standing in the middle of the street with people staring at me from all angles.
People often ask me if it bothers me that I can’t talk and it’s a fair question. It’s a hard question to answer, seeing as I have never talked. But it’s that I can’t, not that I don’t want to. There have been times when I would have given my soul to be able to say just a couple of words. There are times when every ounce of my being screams out, wanting nothing more than to hear my own voice. I’ve wondered so many times what that would sound like to my ears.
But that was never gonna happen. Same as the fact that people were never gonna understand. Red faced, I mounted my horse and rode fast out of town. I hated when things like that happened ‘cause I always spent the rest of the day wondering if I could have done something different; could have stuck up for myself more.
On the way back to Rock Creek, I took a rest by this real nice stream that cuts through one of the north valleys outside of town. It’s such a pretty place. I always liked going out there with my sketch pad and spending the day, that is if I can get away from the others alone. Well, Buck had been out there with me once or twice, but not often. He understood that it was my own special place.
The area by the stream was green and lush. Several average size trees were distributed about, providing good shade on a hot day. The water in the small stream was cool and fast moving. Sometimes when Buck went with me out there, we would play around in the water, especially on the really hot summer days.
I got off my horse, stretching my arms above my head. My anger was beginning to dissolve. I knew the way things worked and knew that it didn’t do no good to continue on being mad when it wasn’t gonna solve anything. ‘Least that’s what Kid always said.
Sitting down on the banks of the water, I began thinking about the other riders. No, that’s not right. They weren’t just “the other riders”. They were family to me, the only family that I had known since my own was murdered when I was a boy. They were the best bunch of people I had ever met in my young life, especially Buck.
Buck is like a brother to me. I’ve known him since we was kids and went to the mission school together. Without Buck, I don’t think I could’ve made it through some of the stuff that I have seen. He’s always been there, even right till the end. Buck’s a half breed. While that don’t mean much to me, I guess to some that’s a big deal. I think it bother’s some of the others. Maybe not much, but I think it does some.
I know him being a half breed has caused him plenty of trouble. Seems people think of Indians as savages and even though he is half white, they still like to blame him for stuff when Indians are involved. I think that’s a lot of the reason we been friends for so long. We are both different. And we’re treated different ‘cause of it.
There are five other riders that work with us. First, there’s Jimmy. I like Jimmy. We get along real good. Jimmy is the fastest gun around. Sometimes I like to watch him shoot cans out back of the barn. He draws his Colt so fast. I could never do that. I ain’t slow, but I sure ain’t as fast as Jimmy.
Jimmy’s real nice and all. He’s protective of us all as long as it suits his purpose I think. If his association with us is in question, he is real quick to defend us as well as himself. Don’t get me wrong. That ain’t a bad thing. But someday it could make Jimmy have to think long and hard about where his loyalties lie.
Then there’s Cody. Cody’s nice, but he’s arrogant. I like him good enough. He is always ready to help out the others whenever he’s needed. I think it’s funny when he shows off. A lot of the times it usually back fires on him. But he tries hard, ya know. Sometimes, I think he is just trying to get people’s attention. He’s a good shot too. Not as fast as Jimmy, but true. He never misses a shot, even when it’s far away.
Noah’s someone that I get along with real good. I guess it’s cause he’s different too. I got to deal with not talking while he’s got to deal with being colored. Makes it feel like we can relate to each other like the others can’t. ‘Cept Buck. He knows. Noah’s a strong willed person, but once in a while, he gets real stubborn. Likes to drive Rachel plum crazy when he gets like that. I think it’s kind of funny, but I worry. I think it’s gonna come back on him someday and he ain’t gonna be able to deal with it.
I let the sound of the babbling stream soothe the anger out of me. I didn’t want to carry it with me. But sometimes it’s easier said than done. Turning my face to the sun, I basked in the warm that the sun cast across my face. It felt so warm and comforting. I inhaled deeply, taking in the fresh summer afternoon. As I turned my gaze back to the water, an image of Lou crossed my mind. I couldn’t help but smile.
Lou is the closest thing to a sister that I ever had after mine was killed. She talks to me and she sticks up for me when people call me stupid. I ain’t stupid and Lou knows that. I think they all know that. Lou is a sweet person, and real pretty too. Hard to believe that she was able to pass herself off for so long as a boy. Shoot, I believed it. Well, for a little while anyway.
When I first found out she was a girl, I got real embarrassed. I mean, she had seen us in our long johns. She had heard us carrying on about women and such. She had seen us as most women hadn’t. But she was also more there for any of us than any woman had been, always ready to fight for us like no one else.
Her and Kid get closer with each day that passes. I just know one day they will get married. Kid’s a good man, real trusting. He’s real concerned with us, like he feels responsible for us or something. But I think that him being a southerner gives him views on stuff that we don’t really understand. Sometimes he gets hateful, saying stuff when he don’t really mean it. I know him and Noah didn’t rightly get along at first. And him and Jimmy get into it with each other a lot. I think it’s about Lou, but they never really say it is.
Rachel is another person that works with us at the station. She’s like a housekeeper, doing all them womanly chores. She’s a fine lady too. When she first came to us, I was terrified of her. She was so mysterious and womanly and strange. She held everything that was unknown to me, or to any of us for that matter. Her womanly ways were, and still are, a mystery to us.
Then there’s Teaspoon. He’s been like a pa. Ain’t so sure that he has the best advice, but he’s seen a lot in his days. He knows lots of stuff that we don’t and he makes sure to tell us ALL the time. He’s a fair man, and he treats us all equally fair as long as we get the job done right.
Looking back up at the sun, I noticed the way it was slipping against the sky. Realizing that I had been sitting by the stream for at least a good hour, I jumped up. I wiped at the back of my pants, brushing away the loose grass. If I didn’t get moving, I wasn’t going to get back to the station before dark and Rachel got worried when we came in late.
Mounting my horse, I took one last look at the stream before I headed back onto the trail. I felt good. My anger all but a memory now. Kicking my horse into a trot, I smiled. It was a good day after all. At least the letters had gone through. That counts for something I guess.
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When I got back to the station, everyone was doing their chores. Kid was brushing Katie like he always did. Cody was chopping wood while Jimmy was trying to break in the new stallion that Teaspoon got. Lou was helping Noah work on the wagon and Buck was on a run.
Seeing how I had taken the early morning run, I didn’t have to do no chores. So I decided to head over to the saloon. I felt like drawing. Mind you, I wasn’t no good at it, but I still liked to do it. Buck always told me that my sketches were good. But I knew they could have been better. Still, it was fun so that’s why I did it.
I took an empty seat at the back of the saloon. There was lots of people in there that day. Two different card games were going on and there was lots of people just sitting around drinking. I looked around the room, trying to find something of interest. I didn’t see nothing good to draw till I spied, through the window, a real nice brown horse outside Thompson’s store across the street.
Casually, I started drawing, making strokes across the paper in hopes that something would come out of them. I sat like that for about an hour, not really listening to what was going on around me, but unable to completely block it out. I look from the paper to the horse and back to the paper, trying to figure out what I needed to do to make it right. That was when he pulled his gun.
Everything in the room went silent when Metcalfe called the gambler on his cheating. All eyes were on the two men as we all waited to see if the gambler would leave. Looking from Metcalfe to the gambler, I almost didn’t even notice when she walked in. But as she neared the table, I don’t think I could have done anything but stare at her even if I had wanted to.
Emily was breathtaking. She had dark silken hair that hung loosely around her face. Her skin was tan with blazing blue eyes that took my breath away. Her face was twisted up in anger, but there was such a fire in her.
She was small in statue, but she held a determined presence about her. I could hear her pa talking and see the young woman’s lips moving, but the words never made it in. I was mesmerized by the simple beauty that the young woman held in her gaze, her furious eyes fixed on her pa.
She stormed out of the saloon, the bat wing doors swinging hard behind her. Her pa was up and after her very quickly, but not before grabbing the money that was due him. As the pair disappeared from sight, business as usual returned to the saloon. But not for me; the image of the bright-eyed beauty was burned into my mind. If only I could meet her again, I thought as I turned my attention back to the sketch I had been working on. Little did I know it would be sooner than I thought.
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Later that day, I took a bunch of baked goods that Rachel had made to Old Lady Jensen that lived alone outside of town. She was a nice lady, but she was real old. The townsfolk liked to cook stuff for her so she didn’t have to do it herself.
As I was heading back to the weigh station, I came over this small hill. At the bottom was a wagon and it was being held at gun point. Now, I ain’t no hero, but I never could just sit by and let innocent people see harm so I rode into the scene. As I got closer to the wagon, I realized who it was. Without really thinking about what I was doing, I jumped off my horse and dove on the gambler. Later, I thought about what a dumb thing I had done by riding straight in there like that, but it still turned out okay. After I had a brief struggle with the gambler, Emily managed to get the gun and scare him off. I sure was happy to see him go.
Emily was still raging mad at her pa for his being in that card game. I didn’t really know what was goin’ on with them, but I figured by the embarrassed way Metcalfe held himself, he must have done something he wasn’t supposed to. Before me and Metcalfe knew what was happening, Emily took off in the wagon. So I took him home.
I’ll never forget that day. The way her eyes lit up with ice blue fire when she held that gun at the gambler sparked flames in me like nothing I had ever known. I knew the moment I laid eyes on her, my life was about to changed.
Chapter 2 - At Last We Meet
The next afternoon, I still had Emily on my mind. After finishing my chores, I headed out behind the barn to find a quiet spot. I took my sketch pad with me, hoping that I could call back up the image of Emily that had been haunting my mind.
Sitting on a flat rock, I opened my sketch pad up. Until then, I had mainly stuck with sketching the other riders. I had one of Emma that I was especially proud of. Although her and Sam were gone, I still thought of her often. She would come visit every once in a while or we would go over to Kansas City and see her. But I still missed her terribly.
Emma Shannon had been like a mother to me. No matter what happened she had always been there to pick up the pieces and put them back together for us. She offered comfort and support, but mostly she offered guidance when we couldn’t always see the way. Don’t get me wrong. I like Rachel very much. She is a great woman. She gives us advice and she is a good friend. But she isn’t very maternal.
I started flipping through some of my other sketches, thinking back on all the memories that each picture held. I had tried to do sketches of Buck, and of the others, of children playing at the school house, of the streets of Rock Creek. But still my favorite one was the one of Emma, her hands on her hips with a stray strand of hair fallen on her forehead.
Turning to a clean sheet of paper, I looked out at the vast emptiness that surrounded the weigh station. The sky was clear blue, littered with small white fluffy clouds. The day was hot, but the breeze that had been with me the day before was still there.
Taking a deep breath, I recalled Emily’s face and it felt like my breath hitched in my chest. I turned to the paper with her image burned into my mind and began to sketch. I wanted it to be perfect, knowing that I might not ever see her again.
Hours passed as I continued to sketch, trying to remember every detail. The way she held her gun, the curve of her lips, the intensity of her eyes.....
“Who’s that?” I recognized the voice immediately, knowing it like the back of my hand, but still I jumped. I had been so intent in my sketch that I hadn’t heard Buck approach. I smiled at him, my hand gripping my chest. “Sorry Ike, didn’t mean to scare ya,” he said, a genuine smile across his dark features.
He looked back at my sketch pad and then to me. “Who’s the girl?” he asked again patiently, motioning to the sketch pad with his head.
Just someone I met yesterday, I signed, turning my attention back to the picture that was coming together in front of me. Buck came around behind me, looking over my shoulder. He continued around till he was standing in front of me. “Where did ya meet her?” he asked as he sat down on a wood stump. His eyes probed me questioningly, and yet he waited for me to take my time.
I explained what had happened yesterday, and told him that it was no big deal. But he didn’t seem to believe me. “So why you sketching her if it was no big deal.” I knew that Buck knew me too well to not tell him the truth. So I began to describe her and tell him all about the strange way that I couldn’t get her out of my mind.
“Is she cuter than Annie?” he asked, a curious lop-sided grin on his face. I smiled as I thought of Annie. I had almost married Annie a long time ago. But her soon to be husband showed up, and that put an end to my plans really quick.
I think, with Annie, I was drawn to her quiet awkwardness. She seemed so lost, having made such a long trip from Boston only to be told that her prospective husband was dead. Plus she was sweet, and she was nice to me.
Smiling, I shook my head yes. Buck laughed and clapped his hands in front of him. “So when do we get to meet this woman that’s got you all smiles?” he asked, a sparkle in his dark brown eyes. I shrugged my shoulders. What was I supposed to say? I didn’t even know when, or if, I would ever see her again.
Buck must have sensed that uncertainty in my face. He clamped a hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “Don’t worry. If the spirits will it, so it shall be done.” With that he turned and went back to the bunk house.
I sat staring at the empty prairie in front of me, thinking about Buck’s words. I knew he was right. If it was what was meant to happen, then I would see my Emily again. I just wished that the spirits would hurry up.
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“Well who you taken to the dance Jimmy?” Cody asked, smiling like the cat that ate the canary. I knew what that meant. That meant Cody had a date that he was proud to flaunt for us.
“I’m taking Mary Lynn,” Buck said, throwing in his date before Cody had a chance to ask. Buck had a crush on Mary for about a month. It took me almost a week of prodding to get him to ask her to the dance. Buck was like me when it came to women. We were shy, and it was hard to not be nervous around them. I guess it came from the fact of people telling us for years that we wasn’t good enough. If you hear it enough, sometimes you begin to believe it.
Mary Lynn came from a pretty wealthy family in Rock Creek, but she had never seemed like she let the fact that she had money go to her head. Buck and I met her when we were helping the Parson’s do some work on their house. I think Buck fell for her instantly. Seemed to me that Mary fell for him too.
“Well dammit Cody, will you tell us already?” Jimmy said, his patience wearing thin as it usually did when Cody was concerned. Lou sat in a chair, her chin resting on the back of it. Kid had gone on the morning run and had not made it back yet.
“Come on Cody,” Noah said as he turned his head, shaking it as he looked out on to the street in front of us. I knew that the more they egged Cody on about this date, the longer he would drag it out.
Smiling, I turned my attention to the corral. The new stallion that we had was coming right along. Jimmy had been helping me break him in. I tuned out what the others were saying about the dance. It wasn’t that I ain’t happy for them for getting to go to the dance. I guess I was just kind of sad.
See I never really had much luck with women. Being different and all makes it hard for women to see ya clearly. Most people tell me that I got a big heart. I like to believe that I do. I just wish sometimes that others could see it as well. Now, don’t get me wrong, it ain’t like I never been with a women before. Sometimes I just wish that I could find that one special person to love forever, and that they would love me in return.
Besides Annie, there had really only ever been one girl that I took a great fancy to. Her name was Sarah. Oh what a beauty she was. Long curls of golden blonde hair, eyes that could light your soul, an infectious laugh. She was something. I had loved Sarah with a school boy’s heart. She was the first girl that ever treated me like a real person. I should have known that it wouldn’t last.
Her family was real religious. They seemed to be praying every time I went to Sarah’s house. Her mother was a shy, quiet woman while her father was looming and dark. He preached about all kinds of strange things, like curses and plagues. It wasn’t too long after Sarah and I feel in love that her father up and moved the whole family, claiming that my inability to speak or lack of hair was punishment from God for some wrong I must of done.
I was such a youngen when it happened. It took me a long time and a lot of help from Buck to get over it. I still think about her sometimes and wonder where she is. I hope that she found someone that has treated her right. She was special. She deserved at least that much.
“Ain’t that right Ike?”
I turned back to the discussion, having no idea at all what they were talking about. Smiling, I shook my head yes. Might as well agree. It would save all the ‘what’s on your mind questions’.
Laughter erupted from everyone around me. I could feel my face burning red. Whatever it was I had just agreed to must have been something that I shouldn’t have. I started to ask what was so funny when Rachel yelled from the house.
“SUPPER!!”
Everyone stood up and hurried to the house. Cody smiled at me, shaking his head as he patted me on the shoulder and headed off toward the house. I was definitely gonna have to ask Lou later exactly what had been so funny.
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The next morning we went about our chores as usual. Lou was bailing hay and Noah was chopping wood while me and Cody worked on the new horse. Buck had taken the early run and Kid was gone with Teaspoon to take care of some business in Sweetwater.
“Man, when is he gonna have breakfast ready?” Cody asked, rubbing his stomach. I just shrugged. Jimmy was cooking so it was untellin’. Jimmy had taken over the chore of cooking while Rachel was gone with Jesse to St. Joseph to get his teeth fixed.
“Come and get it you lazy bums.”
Cody looked at me and smiled. “Oh goodie,” he said, clapping his hands together and rubbing them before taking off toward the house. I couldn’t help but laugh. I didn’t understand what he was so excited for. The only thing that Jimmy knew how to cook was porridge.
As if reading my thoughts, Cody began to slow down. Finally, he came to a stop. “You don’t think it’s porridge again, do ya?” he asked me as horror covered his face. I clapped him on the back and led him to the bunkhouse.
Jimmy stood on the porch, a pot in his hand. “Please tell me it ain’t porridge,” Lou said as she wiped her dirty hands on her pants. Jimmy, a spoon in his mouth, smiled.
“Dammit Hickok.”
As Cody and Jimmy did battle over eating more porridge, me, Noah and Lou stood watching and laughing. When Jimmy and Cody wanted to, they could go on for hours, arguing about nothing important. Right in the middle of a speech about wanting something different to eat, Cody stopped. “My, my, will you look at that?”
Everyone turned to see what Cody was talking about. I had been leaning against the roof support beam when I turned to see Emily standing in the street, an uncertain smile resting on her beautiful face. “Well hello?” Cody said as he started out into the street..
“Umm, Ike....can I talk to you?” To hear her say my name was like music to my ears. She smiled shyly as she held her hands in front of her, nervously wringing them. Cody stopped his approach when she asked for me, turning to give me that “Attaboy” look. I could feel my face tinge with red as the blush spread across my cheeks.
As I approached Emily in the center of the street, I could feel all the eyes on my back. Sometimes, I wished that they weren’t ALWAYS around. Looking at Emily though, her white shirt so soft against her fair skin, I felt totally breathless. I wanted to take her in my arms. I wanted to know what it would feel like to hold her, to kiss her soft delicate lips, to touch her wavy hair.
As we talked for several minutes, I forgot about everything around me. I wanted to ask her to the dance, but was afraid she would say no. When she was ready to leave, I could feel my chance slipping through my fingers. Wanting to grab it and hold on tight, I ask and to my pure delight she said yes.
Watching her walk away, I could feel my heart doing flips and flutters. She had said yes. And I couldn’t have been more happy. The problem was going to be the anticipation of waiting for the dance. I turned to head back toward the others, a smile covering my whole face.
I was met with a bombardment of questions as well as pats on the back and shoulders. I answered what I could, but my mind was on Emily. She had said yes and I wanted to make the dance a night to remember. Little did I know how right I was.
Chapter 3 - The Courtship
Over the next couple of days that led up to the dance, I spent as much time as I could out at the Metcalfe ranch. Emily had told me about all the repairs that the house and grounds needed so I couldn’t help but take advantage of the opportunity to spend time with her. At first, she seemed resistant. I could tell she was worried about her pa. But the more time we spent together, the closer we got.
Those few days were some of the best days of my life. Most of what we did was chores: painting boards, building steps, cleaning up the grounds. But we did it together. We would sit and have lunch together, eating sandwiches and drinking coffee. We took walks together, talking about everything that came to mind. Sometimes I wrote what I wanted to say, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to get what I was talking about. Other times I signed and she tried her hardest to understand everything I said.
The thing I remember most about those days was our first kiss. It was like no kiss I had ever experienced before. We had been working all day at rebuilding the porch railing. It was late in the afternoon and the sun was falling slowly toward the horizon. Wanting to take a break, we packed a picnic lunch and headed out to a spot that I knew of that overlooked a beautiful valley.
It was a quiet spot, lush with greenery. We unpacked out blanket and laid it under a big shade tree. Once we were comfortably seated, we ate and talked for the rest of the afternoon. Emily told me all about her life and her pa’s problem with gambling. She told me about growing up in Kansas City, and about her ma that died when she was just a child.
As I lay on the blanket, my head resting on my elbow, I took in every detail of her beautiful face. She had the tiniest freckles that were scattered across her nose and I loved each and every one of them. Sitting next to me, her legs crossed underneath her, she looked down at me and smiled. Gently she brought her hand up to my cheek and cupped my face in her hand. At that moment, I knew that I was in love with her. I could feel it in every ounce of my being. She was beautiful and smart and kind and I loved her.
She leaned down to me, her eyes growing serious. Running her thumb across my lips, she licked hers with anticipation. I know I did the same. I watched her coming closer and closer and I knew that I had never wanted anything so bad in my life as I wanted that kiss. I could almost feel it, taste it. And when our lips finally did met, I tell ya I thought my heart had stopped. I thought time had stopped. I knew nothing in that moment, but the love I felt for her. And it was beautiful.
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The day before the dance, I started to get real nervous, but excited. Emily was like no one I had ever met. I was gonna be so proud to show up with her on my arm. And things were going good too. I loved being with her and she really seemed to like being with me.
She had told me how nervous she was to go to the dance ‘cause she don’t know no one, but I kept telling her that she knows me, and the other riders too. Seems everyone took a real liken’ to her.
Jimmy had the morning run that day so since I had some free time, I went out to Emily’s to help do more work on the house. We had done a lot together and it was coming along nicely.
As I came over the hill that surrounded her ranch, I saw the slow drifts of old smoke rising from what was left of the barn. I panicked, concern for Emily sent me racing to the house. Emily was out front with a wheel barrel picking up pieces of burned wood.
I rushed to her, trying to wrap my arms around her, but she shrugged me off. She wouldn’t even look at me. I grabbed her by the arm and turned her to face me so I could ask her what had happened. I drew quickly back at that look of sadness and contempt that she had in her eyes.
“Ike, go away.”
I didn’t understand. I looked at the barn and back at her, only to find her walking towards the house. My mind raced. What had happened? Why was she mad at me? I grabbed her arm again.
Abruptly, she yanked her arm away, turning back to me with fire in her eyes. “I said GO IKE. Leave me be.” I could see that there was nothing I was gonna be able to do. I headed for my horse, my shoulders slumped. My heart was aching and the worst part was that I didn’t know why.
I mounted and quickly rode off. Hot tears built up in my eyes, blurring my vision. And still I kept riding, her venomous words stinging like the crack of a whip.
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That night I lay in my bunk, thinking about Emily and what she had said. Obviously, something had happened. I had a pretty good idea what, or actually I should say who, it was. But that still didn’t explain her walled up reaction when I only wanted to help.
After I left Emily’s, I had gone to the saloon looking for the gambler. I didn’t know what I was gonna do. I didn’t have any evidence to back up what I suspected, but it just didn’t feel right leaving nothing done about it. He was smug and arrogant, saying hateful things and calling me names. But I didn’t rightly care about that. I just wanted to make sure he knew that someone was watching over Emily.
The gambler looked like quite a crafty character. He was smooth; that’s for sure. And he didn’t seem to be phased by anything that I or Teaspoon and the other riders did. He had burned Emily’s barn down and still stayed right in town like he had done nothing wrong. I don’t know if he ain’t that smart or that he ain’t quite all there. Either way, he was dangerous.
Outside, the rain fell softly on the roof of the bunkhouse. It had been pretty hot for several days so the rain was real nice. After supper, we had all gone out and horsed around in it. Rachel kept yelling at us to get inside, but we didn’t listen. We was having fun.
Now, it was nothing more than a soothing comfort, tapping the roof before it fell to the ground. The only other sound at all in the small bunkhouse was Buck’s soft snoring coming from the bunk underneath me. His snoring had taken me a long time to get used to, but now it was such a part of my surroundings that if Buck ain’t in the bunkhouse at night, I can’t hardly sleep.
As I lay there, thinking about all that had happened in the last couple of days, I felt sad that I wouldn’t be going to the dance. Not just for me, but for Emily too. She had been excited about getting to meet people and I had wanted to show Emily a really great night.
Rolling over to face the wall, the rain soothing my tired mind, I felt my eyes getting heavy. I had offered to take the early morning run so that the others could spend the day getting ready for the dance. I didn’t mind ‘cause I still wanted my friends to have a good time, even if I wouldn’t. Yawning, I closed my eyes. Instantly, images of Emily filled my mind and I smiled, slipping into the comforting arms of sleep.
Chapter 4 - The Dance
The day of the dance finally came, and everyone was so excited. Lou had decided to wear a dress and go as Kid’s date. It had been agreed upon that, if anyone asked, she was from out of town. That made Kid happy.
I got back from my run about an hour before they were leaving for the dance. I walked into the bunkhouse to see everyone dressed in their Sunday best. Smiling, I knew what had to be done. Signing, I asked if I could draw them since they all looked so nice.
“Probably the only time you’ll see Hickok take a bath,” Cody laughed, smacking Jimmy on the arm.
“Oh Ike, do you have to?” Lou asked, her eyes sparking as she stood in front of me. I don’t think I ever remember seeing her look so pretty. Shyly, I looked at the ground. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but it felt kind of strange seeing her like that.
Lou smiled. “Al right,” she said as she cupped my cheek with her hand. She even smelled like lavender. “You wash up and we will sit for ya.”
It took me nearly an hour to get the picture just the way I wanted it to look. It was a good thing that I had finished ‘cause they were getting restless. Kid had asked me five times if I was done yet. Finally happy with what I had done, I nodded my head.
The riders dispersed quickly, heading for the door. All said their good-byes as they headed out for the dance. Buck was the last to leave. “You sure you don’t want to go?” he asked, concern in his eyes. I could see that he was even thinking about staying with me. I sure didn’t want that. He had been looking forward to the dance as much as everyone else. I smiled and waved him on out the door, making sure to let him see that I was okay with it, which I was. Satisfied, he left.
After they had all gone, I sat staring at the picture that I had done. I looked from rider to rider and I knew how important friends were to me. They were a part of me, worth fighting for.
Suddenly, I understood. Emily was a part of me too. She was worth fighting for. Whatever had made her say the things she did, didn’t really matter none. I know it wasn’t because of me. She was just upset and I had a feeling it was ‘cause of her pa.
Setting the picture down on the table, I went about getting ready. I had a dance to go to and a beautiful young woman to pick up.
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When we arrived at the dance, all eyes were on us. I felt happier than I ever had in my life. Emily stayed close to me, keeping hold of my hand as we talked with people. She had told me that she wasn’t much of a dancer, but she did feel perfect in my arms. Emma had taught me a long time ago how to dance, and for that I was so grateful because it came in real handy that night.
The dance went on for hours. We talked, we laughed, we danced, and all the while, Emily kept her eyes on me. I felt my heart race with the excitement of having her in my arms for so long.
Noah had cut in once, which I didn’t mind. Emily seemed tickled by it. As her and Noah danced around the room, Buck came over to me. “Did you have this planned all along?” he asked, his right eyebrow cocked as he looked at me suspiciously. I smiled, shaking my head no. I tried to look innocent, but he didn’t seem to buy it.
It was a wonderful night all around. Rachel and Teaspoon moved softly across the floor as the fiddler belted out a pretty tune. Lou had spent most of the night dancing with Kid, but had taken time out to save a few dances for the rest of us. Even Mr. Thompson danced with Ms. Nelson, the seamstress.
Holding my hand, Emily laid her head on my shoulder. “I’m so hot. Do you want to get some air?” she asked coyly, batting her eyelashes. “Maybe we can find some place quiet. You know, so we can talk.” The softest shade of pink arose on her cheeks. Looking in her eyes, I wondered to myself how I got so lucky. Motioning to Buck, I let him know that we were going out. I hated to leave without telling anyone.
The night air was cool and crisp, blowing gently through the small town of Rock Creek. I inhaled deeply, feeling more alive than I ever had before. We walked hand in hand, a comfortable silence fell around us. Nothing needed to be said at that moment. We were simply enjoying each others company.
As we walked passed the livery, Emily stopped. Looking from the barn to me, she smiled, a mischievous glint in her eye. Wrapping her hand around my arm, she led me to it. We laughed as we entered, feeling like school kids, hoping not to get caught. My heart raced at the prospects of being with Emily. The love I felt for her was strong, even though we hadn’t known each other long.
That night with Emily had been one of the most magical times in my life. She hadn’t been my first, but it was the most meaningful night I had ever spent with a woman. It was still new to Emily as well. When she had wrapped her arms around me in a lover’s embrace, together we made sweet love. The newness of it and of her made it so exciting, my heart pulsing through my body as Emily whispered softly in my ear.
Afterward, I held her in my arms and I felt a peace that filled my heart with such love. She was everything I had ever dreamed about. She was kind, caring and forgiving. Most importantly, she loved me for who I was, flaws and all.
With her head pressed against my chest, I stroked her silken hair. I didn’t want the night to end. But the sound of Buck’s voice calling our names through the quiet streets of town caused me to sit up and take notice. There was something in his voice that sounded like sadness or fear. Whatever it was, I really didn’t like it.
Quickly, we smoothed out our clothes making ourselves look presentable before we went out to see what was wrong. When Buck told us what had happened, I knew things would never be the same again. Even with all his faults, Emily loved her pa unconditionally. I knew the moment that I saw her fall to her knees at her pa’s side that a little piece of herself would die with him that night.
Chapter 5 - The Day I Died
The funeral was quick. Buck and I had helped Emily make all the arrangements for her pa. We stood listening to the preacher, and a deep sadness burdened my soul. My thoughts were of Emily. I wondered how she would survive such an unnecessary tragedy.
Oddly enough, she seemed to be holding herself together quite well. She was sad and she grieved, but she seemed to be able to go on. She talked quietly about her pa as tears stained her freckled cheeks.
When Buck asked her what she was going to do, I wasn’t sure what I was hoping to hear. I wanted Emily to be with me, to let me take care of her. But she seemed so confused. I didn’t want to push her so I let her go with whatever she felt she needed to do to accept her grief.
We took her back to her ranch so that she could get her horse before heading out to get the mule her pa had wanted to buy. As Buck and I left, I had this sudden uneasy feeling. Figuring it was due to the recent turn of events, I didn’t pay it no mind. Guess I should of.
When we got back to the weigh station, everyone was quick to offer up their support. I liked the feeling of knowing that they all cared so much. Emily would too. I had spent so much of my childhood being alone that it did my heart good to know the friendship that the others and I shared.
As we were talking about the funeral, Cody came in from his ride. “How was the funeral?” he asked, sadness in his eyes. Just as I was about to tell him about it, he piped in again. “Hey, I just saw Emily in town. Said hi, but she didn’t say nothing. She was heading for the saloon.”
Confusion filled my mind. What was she doing in town? Why didn’t she go get the mule? Question after question raced through my head. I turned to Buck to see the same look of confusion. But then all at once, it seemed to dawn on the both of us. She was going after the gambler.
Without even thinking about what I was doing, I grabbed my gun and ran out the door. I could hear the others behind me as I ran toward the main street of town, but all I could think about was Emily. She was gonna get herself killed.
People moved out of my way as I rounded the corner to main street, the saloon in my sights. I heard them calling my name, begging me to stop. But the feeling of dread sat heavy in the bottom of my gut. I had to get to her. I had to stop it.
I mounted the boardwalk and nearly tripped, catching the tip of my boot on the small uprise of wood. Barreling into the saloon, I heard the shot a split second before I felt the blazing hot pain burning its way through my chest. I could feel my body being thrown backwards on to the boardwalk back outside of the saloon. I could hear shouts and cries, and then I blacked out.
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It was a tremendous pressure on my chest that brought me back around. I felt weak and hot and I felt pain like nothing I had ever felt before. It consumed my mind, burning its way through my body.
I looked up to see Doc Barton, his sleeves rolled up and his arms covered in blood, in my blood. I felt panic grip me. Oh god, I didn’t want to die, but the pain was so intense. I felt my eyes flutter as he kept digging at my chest. I wanted to beg and plead for him to stop but, like always, I couldn’t say nothing.
“God Ike, I am so sorry,” she said as she placed my hand to her forehead. Through broken sobs, she kissed my hand again. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I swear...I...um.” I could see that she didn’t even know where to begin.
I managed to put a finger up to her lip. I wanted to tell her that ‘what was done, was done’, but I couldn’t. I wanted to tell her that she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but I couldn’t. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and make love to her again like that night in the barn, but I couldn’t. The only thing I could do was offer her a weak smile and hope that she already knew those things. She placed her hand on my forehead and stroked it gently. Immediately I closed my eyes, the tears that I could not control falling freely.
I felt the depths of death pulling stronger on my soul than before, urging me to join it. It wasn’t scary like I thought it would be. It was warmth and light and happiness. It offered me comfort and solace, and it promised to take away the pain.
I felt Emily rouse me and I opened my eyes. A look of panic covered her beautiful features. I looked deep into her eyes and saw the love she felt. Closing my fist I used every bit of strength to place it over my heart, then pointing to her.
I could feel my hand go weak and limp as the sound of a heartbreaking cry filled the distance. And then there was only peace.
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I know what you’re wondering. You’re wondering if I would do it all the same way if I had another chance. You’re wondering if I would do it all over again. And I reckon’ my answer to that would have to be yes.
I loved Emily Metcalfe with all my heart. She made me feel special, made me feel loved. She didn’t see that I couldn’t speak or had no hair. No, she only saw me, the real me. And I loved her for that.
Would I have gone barreling in to the saloon without looking first? Probably not, but I still would have done it one way or the other. See, love makes you do things that you wouldn’t normally do. It will build ya up like the king of the world, but can tear ya apart just as quick.
So when you ask me if it was worth it; if she was worth it. I would have to say yes. Yes, she was. Because Emily gave me something that no one had ever given me before, and that was hope. Hope that things would get better, hope that maybe life wasn’t so cruel after all.
But then I guess that’s what love is anyway. It’s hope. So if I had to do it all over again, would I die for love?
Yeah, I would.
Wouldn’t you?
The End
