Melissa, Kelley, Julie and Danny arrive at the bar. David asks Julie did she want a cranberry juice, instead she asks water. I almost forgot for a minute that she didn't drink…Somebody would have to be drunk to wear that wig, yes, yes, yes, she wore it to the bar. In the confessional, David said he never bartended before, but it is a good experience. He said it is weird because he doesn't drink. He said he is able to send money home to his mom, and that he can't assume because he is not there, the problems have left, too. Ok, I have to give him well deserved props for taking care of his mother.
In the confessional, Jamie says that he is very attracted to Melissa because she is an original and very special person. They are dancing and pretending like they are kissing (Hollywood kissing, they called it). In the confessional, Melissa says that she doesn't want to like Jamie, but she feels it coming on. She says she feels it every time she is with him. She says, "The fight is on" in my opinion, the only one she is going to fight with is herself. She seems determined to be miserable. She tells Jamie that she would "love to love to love him" and he replies with the same thing. She tells him it wouldn't work because he is a nerd, and she is a nerd, and two nerds don't mix. It is all said in a playful way, but you know that Melissa's nose is wide open for Jamie.
The next day (or I am assuming, because we all know that Bunim-Murray cuts and chops up scenes better than a cook.), Melissa is on the phone talking to an old boyfriend, Ryan. Ryan tells Melissa that he wants to come see her. In the confessional, Melissa explains that Ryan is the guy she was dating a month and a half before she left. Melissa wants to know if Ryan is going to be there for her birthday. She tells him that she is going to have a birthday party at the "Red Room" on Friday night. She wants to know what kind of visit this was going to be. In the confessional, she says that she is scared for Ryan to come out. She admits that she likes to see other boys(gasp), and that she doesn't want Ryan to come out there and "stake his claim" because she will not be able to enjoy company with other men. She tells him that she is scared that when he comes there, that they are going to argue. Since Melissa prides herself on being so "outspoken", she should have just kept it real with him and told him that she didn't want him out there to mess up her game with other men. Then after telling him, in so many words, that the visit wasn't a great idea, she says that when he comes there, she wants it to be completely nice. This girl runs hot and cold like a faucet.
David goes to, what I am assuming is Loyola school, university, whatever, since they showed the school. He is in there playing the keyboard, and he is great!! He sounds very good, and he has real talent. In the confessional, he says that playing the keyboard is his outlet, his way of communication. He says it is as if the keyboard is his best friend. BACK AT THE HOUSE: Kelley is telling the crew, minus David, that they need to get moving on getting this T.V show right. In the confessional, Matt says that in a few days they are going to have their very first show, and that Kelley has stepped up and is taking charge. In the confessional, Kelley says that it is up to all the roommates to do the producing, research, etc. Melissa explains what they are going to do for the first show. They are supposed to get out into the community and find out what people on the streets would like the show to be about. Jamie asks what hours would be best for everybody. And this is where the drama starts: Kelley says that it is going to be a huge problem with David being there to participate because of his job at the bar. (I guess the thrill of him giving them free drinks is over) Kelley says that she doesn't know his schedule. Danny says it doesn't matter what his schedule is; it isn't important. In the confessional, Danny says that David has not shown any interest at all in this T.V job. He says that he sees this job as a second interest, already. In the confessional, David says that his relationship with his roommates is rough. He says he just isn't there. He says he is being where he is because his keyboard is not at home. Matt tells the others that David doesn't seem interested in the show, but it is going to be the producer and director's job, plus the other's, to tell David that he has to do his job or he is off the T.V show and out of the house. Hold up, wait a minute. Ok, I have many things to say about this. First of all, is it a requirement that all David's get kicked out of the house: David from season two, Puck(real name David) from season three, and now this David? Second of all, if anybody can remember back when they had the first Real World Reunion and Heather B said that she didn't feel anybody had the right to kick anybody out of the house because none of them are paying rent?? I absolutely 100% agree with her. If the person is not making you feel as if you are in danger, who gives you the right to decide who stays and doesn't?? Third of all, Matt is so gung-ho in putting David out if he doesn't do his job, but I bet you a dollar to a donut that he won't tell him. Just another example of how people will talk about you behind your back and not say anything directly to you. Now, I am not saying that David is right for blowing off his obligation to the T.V show, but kicking him out?? That is a little extreme.
Kelley and David are talking about the T.V show. Kelley is explaining to him that since he is the musical director, two hours is going to be dedicated to doing something with music, but the other two hours has to be dedicated to research for a segment because he is a host, also. David tells her that this not a problem. As a host, he can get up in front of the camera with no problem. David tells Kelley that he knows what he is doing. Kelley says, "That is fine, but I don't know what you are doing." In the confessional, Kelley says that David does work, and that composing eight minutes of music wouldn't be simple(I can't tell if she said this sarcastically or not, but she kind of smirked, so I am assuming she is), but she says she has a issue with it because she doesn't know what he is doing and there are other responsibilities besides the music. Kelley tells David that she hasn't been able to see him because he hasn't been there. David admits that this is true, but he is doing what must people are only talking about doing. He says he is already in the field talking to people. He says because they can't see him doing it, they are ignorant to the fact that he really is. He tells Kelley that he is probably doing more work than anybody is. Kelley tries to explain to David that she doesn't know what he is doing because he isn't telling her. She wants to know what kind of questions he is asking people, and what their answers are. She wants to know where the documentation for the questions and answers are. David says, "In other words, manifest my words to paper." And Kelley tells him, "I can't read your mind, and unless I see it on paper, I don't know." Downstairs, Danny asks Julie does she hear David and Kelley arguing about the show. Julie says that she thinks David is upset because they keep scheduling the meetings when he can't come. She says she knows it is hard, but they can't work around his schedule all the time. Danny says that they aren't working around anybody else's schedule, why should they work around David's. BACK UPSTAIRS: Kelley tells David that she hopes that he doesn't feel like she is attacking him in any kind of a way. David hits her with a bible verse, "No weapon formed against me shall prosper." He tells her that he is nobody to go into battle with, because she will lose. Kelley tells David that she can't have a conversation like this everyday, and David agrees that they WON'T have a conversation like this everyday. Kelley tells him that they won't because she WON'T have it anymore. Kelley gets up and walks out the room. Now, that's the drama that made the Real World famous.
Melissa is on the phone with her ex, Ryan. She asks him how is he approaching the visit: Is he looking at it as he is coming to see a friend, or coming to see a girlfriend? Ryan tells her he doesn't know. In the confessional, Melissa says that Ryan is a hopeless romantic and he probably thinks that Melissa will end up back in Tampa and the relationship will flourish. She tells him that she is concerned with hurting his feelings and that he has to understand the potential disaster that goes along with him coming to New Orleans. She tells Ryan that she doesn't want to cry. (Cry?)
The next day, the roommates are at the T.V station. They are all sitting around talking about what they want to accomplish with the T.V show. David has a problem with one of the ideas. He wants to know if this idea is set in stone, and the other roommates want to know why he asked that. In the confessional, Kelley says that Melissa came up with the idea of having this book called, "The real seven" on the cover of it. David tells the roommates he understand they are trying to show the T.V audience how they are connected, but he wants to know why they can't have a segment where they each tell about themselves. Julie explains to him that the book idea is a good one because on the top of the book it has their logo. Melissa explains more about the book idea, but David feels it is going to be too hard. In the confessional, Kelley says that the fact that David is not with them all the time, but feels he has the right to shoot down everybody's idea, is not an easy thing to swallow for anybody. Melissa is getting mad trying to explain the concept to David, and David tells the group, "F*** ideas, I am doing something, I'm doing this Mother F****** S***, I'm taking care of this." Melissa tells him the reason why she is hyped up is…and before she can finish her sentence, David tells her she needs to hype the f*** down. Well, needless to say, Melissa explodes: "Don't f****** talk to me like that, Time out" She then picks up the chair she was sitting in and slams it down. She says she is taking a f***** break and the rest I couldn't understand because they bleeped it all out. Melissa storms out of the room. Kelley volunteers to go get Melissa. One of the T.V show's workers, Stephanie tells the group that they need to keep in mind that there other people there besides the roommates, including board members. In other words, calm down and stop acting like you have no home training. Kelley catches up with Melissa outside. Melissa wants to know does anybody understand why David is so belligerent? In the confessional, Melissa says that she is not going to walk around, catering to David's attitude anymore(isn't she one to talk?) Melissa tells Kelley that half the time the group has made decisions, David wasn't present. But the only time he seems to be there, Melissa says, is when he wants to confront an idea and shoot it down. Melissa says the book has nothing to do with music, it is just a way to show how the roommates are connected. BACK IN THE OFFICE: David tells the others that he doesn't want to talk about the music, he wants to agree that they DON'T use the book idea. Julie tells him that they can't agree on that until they have all talked about it. Matt tells David that he understands his passion for music, but he(David) is on the defense too much. Matt suggests that they all be professional. David says that he is professional (and the use of the word F*** at the workplace proved that, "smirk") and if they can't deal with it, too bad. Matt tells him that his attitude is not professional, and David tells him, "tomato, tomahto, let's move on" What bug has crawled up David's behind? Why does he have such an attitude? Outside, Kelley tells Melissa that she understands her frustration, but she (Melissa) is not going to win because she(Melissa) is going to come out looking bad because she snapped, and David is going to end up looking good because he stayed calm. In the confessional, Melissa says that she needs to get herself together and not let David do this to her. Kelley and Melissa go back in the office and Matt tells everybody that they should just move on to segment Two. Everybody looks around the room uncomfortably and the tension is thick.
Melissa is on the phone, once again, with Ryan. She is asking him if he knows where the house is, and he replies yes, and she tells him to come on. When she gets off the phone, she announces to the roommates that Ryan was there and that it is about to get real "nerdy" up in there. In the confessional, Melissa says that she likes Ryan very much. She says that he is a wonderful person and that he respects her. Melissa goes outside to meet Ryan, who is with his two friends, Michael and Michael. Melissa rushes up and hugs Ryan and then hugs the two Michael's. In the confessional, Melissa says she realized that it wasn't worth losing Ryan as a friend because the infatuation had to stop abruptly. They all go in the house, and Melissa announces their arrival. They all go out for pizza, and Melissa, who has obviously had one drink to many (surprise, surprise), is telling Ryan that he can come to her birthday party and to bring the two Mikes. She tells him that she wants to have a good time; that New Orleans is about food, pizza, fun and bootissy(?) In the confessional, Melissa says she drinks to avoid interaction with Ryan and to avoid hurting him. Melissa, you have more excuses than a man going to jail on why you drink. Jamie tells Melissa that if she didn't slow down on drinking, she wasn't going to make it to the party. She tells him that it is her birthday(well, not until Midnight, or so Jamie says) and she can do what she wants to do. Ryan is sitting there looking like he is trying to be cool with how she is acting, but you can see that he isn't. The crew heads for the "Red Room" In the confessional, Melissa says that Jamie has planned this nice party for her. Melissa is on stage, being sung(sang) the "happy birthday" song by a drag queen. She is dancing and jumping all over the stage. And the drag queen sings, "Spank the A**" and Melissa lifts up her dress to show her panties, while they spank her playfully. In the confessional, Matt says that Ryan seems like a cool kid, and that he feels bad for him because he(Ryan) comes to see Melissa and she is there getting freaky with the drag queens. (and she is bumping and grinding and hugging all over one) Matt says that this is not the welcoming he would want from his girlfriend. Melissa is once again backing that thing up (To DMX's song) with some guy I am sure she doesn't know. She then goes and lays across Ryan and the two Michael's. In the confessional, she says she drank because it was her birthday, and that Ryan just happened to be there on her birthday. She said her excuse (here we go again) for drinking is that she has never been the one to have to tell a man that it wasn't going to work.(Ohhhh, now I can see why she is drinking. "sucking teeth") Danny kisses Kelley, and d*** if it wasn't a deep kiss. They laugh and Kelley tells him "that is it". Melissa is now unbuttoning David's shirt. In the confessional, David says that he told himself to stand up and be a man and not cause any trouble because it was Melissa's day. He says that he has no money and that his gift to Melissa has to be something economical for himself and something that you can see. Which happens to be him stripping for Melissa. Next thing you know, David is out of his shirt and only in his boxers. Kelley gets in the groove of things and throws her leg on his shoulder and starts dancing. David knows he is the s***. He says this was a perfect excuse to go up there and take off his clothes and embarrass his mama. David gives Melissa a kiss on the cheek. Melissa says in the confessional that this is proof that their house can be dysfunctional and fun at the same time just by how her and David can get over what happened at the office and still be friends. Melissa says that this is the best birthday party she has ever had with a bunch of strangers.
In the confessional, Jamie says after they drop off Ryan, and the two Mikes, Melissa is all over him like white on rice. Melissa is walking around the house, in her T-shirt and panties, looking for Jamie. Danny says, "I thought he was with you." Melissa says, "Jamie is with me, but the thing is Jamie is tired of being violated, because I have been trying to rape him all night." As you can see, she is still drunk. Jamie comes in the room and Melissa says that she wants to thank him for taking her out and she wants to propose to him because she is in love with him. Jamie is blushing. Melissa tells him that he should grab her buttocks. In the confessional, Jamie says that everybody knows that Melissa is serious about what she says and does, but the way she does it can always be chalked up as joking. Then Melissa starts dancing around like a no-talent ballerina and Danny and Kelley are, of course, getting a kick out of it. I guess to them, Melissa is like a live-in court jester. Melissa then goes to David and apologizes for what happened at the office. She said she was down right nasty and it was embarrassing. Melissa tells David that she is ok now because she has had a couple(a couple???) of drinks. David is kind of uncomfortable. Melissa asks David if him, her and Jamie can get into a threesome type of situation. Actually, she calls it a menagerie, which is a fancy word for threesome. She jumps on David's back and claims it is time for beddy-bye.
The next morning, Melissa and David are sitting in the kitchen, agreeing that last night's party was great. In the confessional, Melissa says that her and David never talked about what happened in the office, even though they are both aware that it happened, but they were over it. Melissa says to David that everybody was telling her that Ryan was looking very sad. She doesn't seem to regretful about him being upset because she tells David that you only live once and THAT it was her birthday. David tells her she was definitely having a good time. In layman's terms, she was acting like a nut.
Melissa, Ryan and the two Michael's go to a restaurant. Melissa asks Ryan if they were going to be friends after this. Ryan says he doesn't know. Melissa tells him that she is not interested in playing the roll of heartbreaker, and Ryan tells her he is not interested in playing the roll of heartbroken. Then she gets mad and says, "Dammit all to hell, what the F*** are we doing here?" Ryan tells her that she is the one who brought it up, and Melissa tells him that he brought it there by coming to see her. She says that she tried to warn him that coming there would not be good.(but yet she never told him not to come, Melissa is a stone-cold trip.) Ryan tells her that the only problem with him coming there is that he realized why he likes her so much. He says he likes her because she is so hilarious and so sweet. He says that he really shouldn't be thinking good things about her, he should be thinking sh**** things about her. He says that he should be thinking she is a b****, but all he is thinking about is how much of a sweetheart she is. Ryan tells her he loves her to pieces, and Melissa tells him not to say that. Ryan says, "You are a big sweetheart, B****." Melissa says that she really wishes he felt like that for real. She wants him to be mad at her so he can move on. She tells him that she wishes that he wouldn't have come, and then she starts to cry. I'm sorry, I don't feel sorry for her in the least. I'm not saying that she has to have any feelings for Ryan, but he has treated her very nice, and she hasn't showed him one ounce of respect. She tells him that he shouldn't have come, because now she is the a-hole.(trying to keep it clean for any underage readers. "smile). And the episode ends with her wiping her little tears.
Ok, we have a few winners for the "Get on my nerves" award. Second runner up: Matt, for his comments about kicking somebody out of the house, but had no bal** to say it to David's face. First runner up: David, for acting like such a jerk for no apparent reason at all. I understand that he has to send money home to his mother, and I think that that is more important than the T.V job, BUT, he doesn't have to make things so hard for the ones who want to make the T.V show work. And our grand prize goes to "Drum Roll" Our lil drama queen, Melissa, who was annoying, cruel at times, obnoxious and down and out disgustingly drunk. She wants a man, but doesn't know how to treat one. She wants attention, but doesn't know how to accept it. She complains about the men in her past that were dogs, but doesn't act right with a good man. So basically, my advice to Melissa is to stop bitching, and get a grip on reality.
Until next time…..