Written:  October 2005 -December 2005
 

SMK Time frame:  Autumn of 1987 - Their marriage and profession are no longer a secret.
 

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters copyrighted by Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Production Company.  It is meant for enjoyment purposes only.  I retain the right to the plot and not the characters.  All characters in this story are fictional.  Do not reproduce this story in part or full, without the author's consent or post it anywhere else.  Thanks!
 

*** ***

The stillness in the night was broken sharply by the sounds of gunfire somewhere in the warehouse.  Lee and Amanda glanced at each other in alarm.  Neither of them had seen anyone enter the rear, which they’d been assigned to watch for the past three hours.

“Call Billy,” Lee ordered his partner as he was getting out of his car.  Amanda was already dialing the car phone.  “Get backup rolling.”  He knew something had gone wrong.  There had been no signal on the walkie-talkies.  No call to their cell phone.  Had someone slipped in through the front door past the two agents stationed there?

“Be careful,” she whispered to him.  “I’ll be right behind you.”

“Always.  You be careful, too,” he warned as he hurried towards the back door of the warehouse.

Just as he reached it he heard more gunfire.  He nimbly picked the lock and jammed the lock open to allow his partner and wife easy access to the door as well.  He cringed as the door started to squeak when it closed.  He looked around, but he didn’t see anyone.  Hopefully his arrival was not heard.

When he entered the building he could hear bullets hitting the boxes and crates that surrounded him, as well as the concrete walls of the building and metal shelving.  He heard groaning from somewhere across the room, but where, he wasn’t certain.  Obviously someone had been injured, probably hit by a bullet.  He wondered if it was one of their agents, Torres or Gerrity who were supposed to be watching the front of the building.  Or was it Viktor Verminoff, also know as ‘Viktor the Vermin’, the man who threatened to sell the plans of the Crypto 510.  The plans would help decode the names of the many agents working in the eastern block nations.  It would be a devastating blow to the intelligence community if the ‘Vermin’ grabbed the plans and got away.

Lee continued up the aisle stealthily.  Unfortunately, the boxes that lined the shelves for the most part blocked his view.

“Scarecrow, on your left,” a voice called out, warning him, but it was too late.

“Oh, shit!” Scarecrow grumbled as a bullet seared into the top of his right shoulder.  He dove for cover behind some boxes and glanced around looking for friends and foes.

“Behind you,” the voice whispered once again.

Lee turned to see Agent Torres, lying on the floor behind him, half hidden amongst some boxes.  A trail of blood smeared on the floor giving his position away.  “Where are you hit?”

“My leg,” Torres gasped out, obviously in pain.  “I’m bleeding…pretty badly.  How about you?”

Lee knew from the bloodstains on the floor that his fellow agent was injured severely.  He reached up to his shoulder and felt the warm trickle of blood oozing onto his fingers.  “Just a nick.  Hang in there.  Where’s Gerrity? And where the hell’s Viktor?”

Before the other agent could answer the shots started to ring out again.  Lee hunkered down behind the boxes.  The gunfire was coming from more than one direction, but the dim lighting in the warehouse provided little but shadows in the distance.  From the sounds of the shots, Lee assumed he was in the middle of the battle.

He pushed the boxes around so he could finally peer around them and take aim, but without knowing who was where, Lee couldn’t risk a shot.  When he finally made out the face of agent Gerrity it was too late.  He was struck by a bullet in his chest and Lee watched helplessly as Gerrity dropped in a heap less than fifty feet to his right.

“Where the hell is Viktor? I can’t see him,” Lee whispered back to the other agent, but there was no answer.  When he turned around to see, Torres had lost consciousness.

Lee knew there wasn’t much time to lose.  Two agents were down and he still didn’t have a position on Viktor.  With the front door no longer covered, Viktor could easily walk out into the night with the plans and be gone long before backup arrived.

“Viktor,” Scarecrow called out, hoping to get a fix on his location.  “Give it up.”

Lee strained to hear a reply, but instead of Viktor answering him, he heard the squeak from the back door.  He knew Amanda was now in the building.  His pulse raced as he realized how much danger his wife was now in.  Frustrated by his limited options, he stood up and exposed himself to possible gunfire.

“Give it up, Viktor,” Scarecrow encouraged once more, but Viktor didn’t answer.  Lee could hear footsteps rushing towards the front of the warehouse.  He followed them, knowing the pace was too fast for his wife.  When he finally thought he had a location he fired off several rounds.  His shots were quickly returned.

“Damn,” Lee swore before he ducked down an aisle for cover and decided to climb up on one of the heavy metal shelves to get a better view.  As he climbed, his right shoulder ached, but he finally spotted his man.  It was indeed Viktor.  Lee aimed his gun and took several more shots.

Viktor dropped to the ground and Lee jumped down from his perch and rushed towards him.  He wasn’t sure if he was taking cover, hit by one of his bullets, or even dead.

“Let’s end it now, Viktor,” Lee suggested as he got closer to where he last saw his adversary.  When he arrived at the spot, nobody was there.  No blood, but on the floor there was the disk.  Lee bent down to pick it up. Then, too late to react, he heard footsteps.

“You American pig,” Viktor laughed, his voice coming directly behind Lee Stetson.  “We will end it now.  I’ll be walking out of here with the plans to the Crypto 510.  It should make me a very rich man.”

“You know I can’t let you do that.”  Lee began to turn to face his opponent clutching tightly to the disk.

“Don’t turn around yet,” Viktor warned.  “Drop your gun on the floor then turn about very slowly and hand me the disk.”

Lee didn’t move.

“Do it NOW, before you join your fellow agents – dead on the floor,” Viktor shouted angrily.

“You wouldn’t shoot me in the back, now would you, Viktor?” Lee asked, hoping to buy some time.  He knew backup was rolling.  They could be here any minute, but he needed more time.  He had to make sure Viktor didn’t walk out of the building with the plans.

“I don’t really give a damn if I shoot you in the back, in the head, makes no difference to me.  Either way you’re a dead man.”  Viktor warned once more.  “Drop that damn disk, now!”

Lee could smell the man’s foul breath and could hear and feel him breathing only a few feet behind him.  He heard Viktor cock his gun.  Then came his reprieve.

“No, drop your gun,” Amanda replied in an unsteady voice.

Viktor hesitated for only a second, but that was all the time Lee needed to turn and drop to his knees and roll.  As Lee turned towards Viktor, Viktor turned towards Amanda who was only a few feet away.  Viktor took aim on Amanda, but the bullet tore through his chest, blood spurting in the air.  He fell back and down to the ground.  His head hit the cement floor with a loud thud.

Amanda staggered backwards a few feet supported by the boxes in the aisle.   Her once white blouse and arms now covered in blood.  Her legs gave out from under her and she dropped to the ground.

“Amanda, are you shot?” Lee panicked as he watched his wife sink to the floor.

She glanced up at Lee, then down at herself.  Her face lost all its color.

Lee kicked the gun away from Viktor’s bleeding body and rushed to his wife’s side.  “Are you all right?”

She nodded and forced out a whisper.  “I’m OK…”

Although she was covered in blood, apparently it was Viktor’s blood, but the fear in his wife’s eyes told another story.  She was in shock at what had just happened.

“Amanda, sweetheart, it’s all right,” he reassured her as he stroked her face.  “It’s going to be all right.”

“You’re bleeding,” she choked out.

“I’m fine.  Just a flesh wound.”  He glanced back over to Viktor who wasn’t moving, but was still breathing with some difficulty.  “Thank God you were here.  Everything’s going to be all right.”

They hadn’t sat there for more than a few moments when there was shouting coming from the front of the warehouse.  “Federal Agents.”

“The Cavalry has arrived.  I’ll get you out of here soon.  Everything’s going to be all right.”  Lee smiled at his wife, trying to will the terror in her face to go away, but Amanda was shaking from head to toe. He put his arm around her.  Taking a deep breath, he yelled to the other agents.  “Back here. We’re going to need some ambulances.”

Moments later, Billy Melrose and a team of agents hurried to where they sat.  Billy immediately began barking orders and the team secured the scene.

****

Several hours later …

Lee walked into the bullpen, his shoulder now bandaged, but he was looking around for Amanda.

“Scarecrow, you’re back from the hospital already?” Billy asked with surprise.

Lee carefully tapped his shoulder.  “Just a flesh wound.  I only needed a couple of stitches.  What’s the word on Torres and Gerrity?  I couldn’t get a straight answer out of anyone at the hospital.”

“They’re both in surgery.  Torres lost a lot of blood, but he should make it.  Things aren’t looking as good for Gerrity.  We’ll know more in the morning.”

“Where’s Amanda?” Lee asked since he still didn’t see her.   “Did you send her home?”

“No.  She’s downstairs getting cleaned up and waiting for her debriefing.”

“Can’t that wait until tomorrow?”  Lee rebuked, harshly.

“Scarecrow, Amanda shot and killed a man tonight.  I have no choice.  She has to be debriefed.  I’ll send her home as soon as I’m finished.  She’ll be given the customary week’s leave pending an investigation.”

“Amanda shot a mercenary.  You remember Viktor Verminoff?  This isn’t the first time that bastard has crossed the Agency’s path.  If Amanda hadn’t shot him, Vermin would have shot me - in the back.  If that had happened, you and I wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.  You would have two agents in the hospital, and one at the morgue.  What more do you need?” Lee snapped incredulously as he paced agitatedly.

“I need to debrief the both of you.  It’s protocol and it’s my job.  Now do you have any other questions?”  Billy asked with little patience.

“Billy she’s a mess.  You saw her.  Let me take her home so she can get some sleep.”

“Damn it, Scarecrow, I know she’s distraught.  If it were up to me, I would have sent her home, but Dr. Smyth would have a pound off my backside if I let either of you go home before being fully debriefed.  I’m not insinuating in any way that Amanda did anything wrong tonight.  You have to remember, she’s not a civilian anymore.  She’s a full fledged agent and she’ll be treated as such.”

“Can I see her?” he asked, but from the scowl on his boss’ face he knew the answer.

“As soon as I’m done with her debriefing.”

“Billy, I need to get her home.  Physically she may not be hurt, but emotionally… I’m not so sure.”

Billy nodded his head in agreement.  “I agree that she’s pretty shook up.  I’m going to suggest a few sessions with Pfaff.  The first time an agent kills someone is always the toughest.”

Lee swallowed hard.  He knew Billy was right, but he wasn’t sure Amanda would get past what happened this evening - ever.

*** *** ***

A little later that same night…

Lee paced outside the debriefing room.  He could see and hear her. She was in pain.  Not the physical kind that you could fix with a bandage or a pill.  Gone was ‘The Vermin’s’ blood that covered her earlier.  She’d showered and been given a change of clothes, but her face was pale.  Her dark eyes couldn’t hide her anguish.    Her voice was unsteady.  Each answer she gave to Billy Melrose was short and succinct.  Truthful as always, but there was something about her.  She was so distant, her eyes never focused on Billy, she just stared off totally detached.  She appeared to be uncomfortable in her own skin.

“Thank you, Amanda; I know how hard this has been on you.” Billy droned on as he got up to leave.

Lee listened in as their supervisor explained about Amanda’s one week paid suspension – merely a formality - she’d done nothing wrong.  In fact, she probably saved a lot of lives tonight.  He knew Amanda hadn’t heard a word Billy said.  Her eyes had glazed over.  He knew she wanted only one thing.  She wanted to go home to her bed, pull the covers up over her head and forget about what had happened.  If only it would be that easy.

The door opened and Billy signaled to Lee with his head that he could go in.  Lee didn’t wait another second.  Instead he grabbed the door before it closed and slipped into the room with his wife.  She was still sitting down at the table just staring off into space.

“Amanda?” he called out to her.

She glanced up at him but almost looked past him.

“How about we get you out of here?” he suggested as he held out his hand for her.

Amanda reached up mechanically for his hand and silently followed him out of the debriefing room and the Agency.

The ride home to Maplewood Drive was a quiet one.  Neither of them spoke.  Lee didn’t know what to say.  He held her hand tightly and hoped she knew he intended to help her through this, every step of the way.

When they arrived back at the house it was well after midnight.  Lee struggled in the darkness to find the keyhole to the back door.  “I’m going to replace that light bulb tomorrow,” he announced when it finally slid into the lock.

There was no comment from Amanda even though she’d asked him twice in the last week to fix it.  The silence was eating away at him.  Normally Amanda would chat about the boys or her mother, the latest bake sale or soccer game.  Tonight she was uncharacteristically reticent.  He opened the door and flicked on the light and nodded for her to go in first.

“Would you like something to drink?  A glass of wine, maybe?” he asked hoping for some way to draw her out of her morose frame of mind.

“No …” she answered too quickly.

Lee swallowed hard, but his mouth was very dry.  He’d like nothing more than a bottle of scotch right now.  He’d polished off half a bottle the first time he shot a suspect.  Unfortunately, that approach wasn’t going to work for Amanda King Stetson.

At first, she wandered around the kitchen as if she didn’t know what to do next.

“Why don’t you sit down in the family room and try to relax,” he suggested pointing to the couch.  He watched as her eyes darted about the room uncomfortably.  Lee wasn’t sure what to do.  He wanted to get drunk and forget about the entire evening, but he needed to be there for his wife.

She finally sat in the corner of the couch, leaned back and closed her eyes for a moment before they flew open, her body shuddering and she gasped for a breath.

“Relax, Amanda.  You’re safe, here at home,” he reassured her as he swiftly sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him.  “It might help to talk about it,” he suggested.

She turned to him, her eyes drowning in sorrow.  “I… I don’t… I can’t…”  Her hand washed across her face.

“I understand.  Really I do.  What you did tonight is the hardest part of the job for a good agent.”

She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Finally, she choked out.  “I killed a person tonight.”

“You didn’t have any other options at the time.” He reminded her as he held her tightly in his arms.  “If you hadn’t shot him when you did, he was going to kill me.”

“I know.”

“Not to mention Torres would have bled to death.  You probably saved his life as well.  Billy told me that he thinks he’s going to make it,” Lee continued on not sure what to say, but he couldn’t bare the silence.  “You know, if Verminoff had gotten away with those plans, hundreds of agents and civilians around the world would have been at risk.”

She nodded mutely.

Lee stroked her face gently, trying to get her to relax.  Instead, she tried to pull away from him, but he held her tightly in his arms.  “Amanda, stay with me.  Don’t pull away.”

“You tried to warn me of this in the beginning,” she mumbled, shaking her head.  “I don’t think I can handle this.”

Lee shook his head.  He’d warned her of a lot of things in the beginning.  He would have done just about anything to get rid of her back then.  Now he’d do just about anything to help her through this.  “You don’t have to go through this alone.  Amanda, you’ve helped me through so much the past year.  Let me help you get through this…”

 “I’m not sure I can get through this – even with you.  I’ve never felt so… so… lost in my life.” She blinked the tears back in her eyes.  “I killed a man…”

He could feel her body start to shudder - unable to hold back her pain any longer.  He knew she was on the edge.  “Amanda, don’t hold back.  It’s all right to let it go.  You held it together tonight when I needed you.  I’m here for you now.  Let it go…”

She took a few short breaths, but at last she succumbed to her pain and started sobbing.

End Part One
 
 
 

 Part Two
 

The next morning

Lee crawled out a bed without making a sound.  Amanda had only fallen asleep a couple of hours ago and he was hoping she’d sleep through the boys leaving for school.  He stretched his weary body and gently rubbed his sore shoulder.  Then he threw his robe on, checked the mirror to be sure it covered his bandage before he went downstairs.

“Good morning, Lee,” Dotty greeted then stared at him.  “You look exhausted.  I never heard you two come in last night.  What time did you finally get home?”

Lee rubbed his eyes with his hand.  He wasn’t sure what time it was when they got in.  “It was late.”

“I hope you don’t have to go in early this morning.  You look like you could use a couple more hours of sleep.  How about a strong cup of coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Lee replied as he took the mug from his mother-in-law.  “Actually, both Amanda and I have a few days off.”

“Really?”  Dotty said with surprise.  “Funny, Amanda didn’t mention it.”

“We have some things we wanted to get done around the house.  She’s been bugging me to replace that light on the back porch and she wanted me to fix the bench in the gazebo,” he explained, hoping his mother-in-law wouldn’t probe any deeper for the moment.

“The ‘honey-do’ list is getting long, huh?” she teased with a smile.  “It is rather nice to have a man around the house to do all those things.”

The boys raced down the stairs moments later and hustled into the kitchen.  “Hey, Lee, are you coming to my game tonight?” Phillip asked as he slapped Lee on his shoulder.

Lee jumped and winced.  Phillip hadn’t noticed because he was still behind his step father, but he was pretty sure Dotty had.  Lee gritted his teeth at the sharp stabbing pain in his shoulder.  “It’s on my schedule.”

“Great!”  Phillip announced.  “The coach promised to start me today.”

“Grandma,” Jamie shouted.  “Have you seen my algebra book?”

“Keep it down, fellas,” Lee warned his stepsons.  “Your mother is still sleeping.  We got in pretty late last night.”

“You look like you could use some more sleep yourself, Lee,” Phillip remarked.

“Here’s your book,” Dotty said, handing her youngest grandson his textbook.  “You left it on the stairs.  I almost tripped on it last night.”

“Sorry about that, Grandma,” Jamie replied sheepishly.

“Put it where it belongs, in your backpack,” Dotty answered.  “You two are running rather late.  Do you want milk or juice with breakfast?”

Lee listened to a familiar sound outside.  He glanced up at the clock in the kitchen.  “I don’t think they have the time for either.  That sounds like the bus now.  You better grab a donut and run to the bus stop.”  Lee watched their faces.  He knew Amanda had warned them about being late.

Phillip and Jamie each grabbed their backpacks and a donut.  “Bye, Grandma, bye Lee!” the boys shouted as they raced out the door, letting it slam on the way.

“So much for letting my wife sleep in,” Lee grimaced.

“What happened to your shoulder?” Dotty asked point blank.

Lee pulled his robe closer to his neck, but he knew the cat was out of the bag.  “Just a scrape.”

“I’m not buying that, Lee Stetson.  I saw the face you made when Phillip patted you on it.  You jumped two feet in the air.  Besides, Amanda never sleeps in and she would have told me that she was taking today off.”

“We ran into some problems last night.”

“Sounds like a rather serious problem,” she mentioned as she walked over to him and stole a look at his shoulder.  “That’s a rather large bandage for a scrape.  Does Amanda have a scrape as well?”

“Relax, Dotty, Amanda’s not injured.”  Lee swallowed hard knowing he was stretching the truth.  Of the two of them, he knew it would take Amanda much longer to heal than he would from the bullet wound.  He wasn’t sure how much to tell Dotty about last night.  “I was grazed slightly by a stray bullet.”

“You were shot?!” she gasped anxiously.

“Just a flesh wound.  I think there might be two stitches – three at the most.”

“Oh dear!  You were shot.  Amanda must have been frantic.  Does it hurt a lot?  Can I get you some ice or aspirins?  Shouldn’t you be resting or something?” Dotty gushed with concern.

“I’m fine, really.  I’ve got a couple of days off to relax and I’ll be better than new,” he explained, hoping it would allay her fears.

“Before you came into Amanda’s life the worse thing I worried about was Amanda fixing the clog in the sink.  But now…”

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.  These things happen,” Lee tried to explain, but from the look on Dotty’s face he knew she was skeptical to say the least.  “Amanda was a little upset last night about everything that happened.  I don’t think it’s a good subject to mention today.”

“I can imagine.  I’m afraid to ask who else was injured.”

Lee took another sip at his coffee.  “I couldn’t tell you anyway…  You know – ‘Need to know’.”

“Yes,” Dotty answered with an arched brow.  “How very convenient.”

Lee glanced out the window not wanting to get into a long discussion or argument.  “Well, I guess the boys made their bus.  I think I’ll try to catch a few more hours of sleep,” Lee sighed, before he poured the rest of his coffee down the drain.  He smiled at his mother-in-law and then quickly exited the kitchen and went back upstairs.

“Lee?” Amanda whispered when the door opened.

“Yeah, it’s just me; go back to sleep,” he answered as he closed the door, took off his robe and climbed back into bed.

“What time is it?”

“Just after eight,” he replied.

She started to get up out of bed.  “The boys will miss their bus.”

“Relax, sweetheart.  I checked.  The boys made their bus.  I told your mother we had a late night and we’re going to be sleeping in this morning.”

Amanda let her head sink back into her pillow and pulled the covers up to her chin.  “Sometimes I wish you still had your apartment.  I’m not sure I can put on much of a game face today.”

“Your mother saw the bandage on my shoulder.  She knows I was shot.”

“You told her?” she turned towards him, her eyes wide open now.

“Phillip slapped me on my shoulder when he came down into the kitchen.  I’m not sure if she saw the bandage or noticed I flinched and she put two and two together,” Lee explained.

“What else did you tell her?”

“I told her you were a little upset about what happened last night and probably weren’t in the mood for a discussion.  How about we worry about your mother later and get a few more hours of sleep?”

“I’m not sure I can get back to sleep,” she replied, sorrow filling her voice.

Lee reached out to his wife, gently stroking her face.  “You’ve only had a few hours sleep.  I’m exhausted, so I know you must be, too.  At least give it a try.”

“I’ll try…”

Lee leaned over and kissed her gently, hovering over her until she closed her eyes again.  He settled back down next to her.  Within a few minutes, Lee could no longer keep his own eyes open.  He drifted off to sleep.  He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sleeping when he heard a scream.

“NO!” her voice shouted loudly.

Lee immediately shot up to a sitting position in bed.  He glanced over at Amanda who was also sitting up.  Her eyes were staring across the room; her body was soaked in sweat and she was gasping for breath.

“It’s all right,” he reassured her as he pulled her into his arms.

“Oh my gosh, you’re alive?” she panted, somewhat confused.

“In the flesh.  It was just a nightmare.  Easy…” Lee encouraged, but the fear in her eyes reminded him of what she looked like last night.  “Take a deep breath… exhale slowly…”

“Viktor shot you…In the back.  I was covered in blood - your blood,” she gasped her face flush.

“Amanda, calm down.  Concentrate on your breathing,” he reminded her with concern; she was starting to hyperventilate.

“You died – in my arms.”

“It was a nightmare,” he reassured his wife, but her breathing was still labored.  He helped her to lean forward and sit up more in the bed as he rubbed her back gently.  “You’ve got to concentrate on your breathing or you’re going to faint.”

“I’m trying,” she wheezed.  “The blood...was everywhere…”

“Amanda, look at me!” Lee insisted as he turned her face towards his.  He wasn’t sure if she was fully awake yet.  “I’m right here with you in our bedroom.  I’m alive.  This is real.  You had a bad dream.  These are my arms holding you.  Listen to me.  I’m right here with you.”

Lee watched his wife as she focused on his voice.  Her hands touched his hands, then his arms and his face.  Her breathing started to steady and some color returned to her face.

“Oh my gosh!  I thought you being here was the dream…You’re really not…dead?”

“No, I’m very much alive!” he answered as his wife’s arms tightened around him.

“Last night wasn’t a nightmare though, was it?” she asked.

“No, it wasn’t.”

“I… killed a man.”

“Amanda you didn’t have any choice,” he reminded her once again, but her body started to shudder as she tried to hold back her tears.

“Oh my gosh,” she whispered.

“It’s all right, sweetheart.  That’s it.  Just let it go,” Lee encouraged, and once more he held his wife until her tears were spent…

*** *** ***

Several days later
 

Lee was gazing out the window of the Q Bureau.  It had been a difficult few days at home and he was glad to return to work.

“Francine told me you were still here.  It’s rather late in the day,” Billy remarked when he entered the Q Bureau.

Lee was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t even hear his supervisor.

“Scarecrow, are you all right?” Billy asked his agent.

“Huh? Billy, I didn’t hear you come in,” Lee admitted when he turned around.

“I tried to get your attention twice, but you seemed like you were miles away.  Are you feeling all right?” Billy asked with concern.

“I’m fine.  My shoulders not even sore,” Lee reassured his supervisor, but he could tell by the look on Billy’s face that he wasn’t totally sold.  “Really.”

“You know you could have taken the rest of the week off.”

“No, I needed to get back to work.  I think Amanda and I need a little space.”

“How’s she doing?” Billy asked curiously.

Lee ran his hand anxiously through his hair.  He shrugged.  “You mean other than the nightmares she has every time she actually gets to sleep?”

“Has she set up an appointment with Pfaff?”

Lee chuckled hoping Billy wouldn’t see his apprehension, but his face told a different story.  His eyes had dark circles underneath.  Worry lines were present on his face.  “She won’t even talk to me.  What makes you think she’ll talk to Pfaff?”

“I could make it an order before she returns to work,” Billy suggested.

“That might be the only way she’ll go,” Lee commented.

“Maybe I should make it an order for you as well.  You know, before I let you out in the field again.”

“That’s not necessary,” Lee disputed.

“No, I rather like that idea.  If you set up an appointment with Pfaff, that might encourage Amanda to follow suit.  You want to help your wife, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, but resorting to blackmail, Billy?  That’s more like Dr. Smyth tactics,” Lee argued.

Billy shrugged.  “Lee, from the looks of you, it wouldn’t hurt you any to talk to Pfaff either.  I knew Amanda would take this shooting rather hard.  We both know some agents never make it back into the field after killing someone – regardless of the situation.  Is that what you want for Amanda?”

Lee turned and gazed out the window again.  Finally he answered.  “I don’t know, Billy.  Part of me would like to see her behind a desk – out of harm’s way.”

“I hear a ‘but’ coming.”

“But she has great instincts.  I rely on them every day.  I know I’m a much better agent with her by my side.  I’d be dead if she hadn’t been there the other night.”

“So the next soul searching question is are you ready for a desk job?” Billy asked bluntly.

Lee turned back towards Billy, pulled the chair out from his desk and sat down.  He paused for a moment before answering.  When he did, his voice was low.  “I know one of these days it will come to that.  Part of me would like a normal life now that I’m married.  The thing is, I’d rather have it be my choice and not forced on me this way.  Besides, if Amanda lets this incident put her behind a desk it might come back to haunt her.”

Billy smiled at his agent.  “Scarecrow, you surprise me sometimes.”

“Why, because I put Amanda’s needs ahead of my own?” Lee asked.

“Not only that.  It’s amazing how much you’ve grown the last year.”

“Which is one more reason why I’ve got to get Amanda to fight through her demons.  I owe it to her,” Lee acknowledged.

“She owes it to herself,” Billy countered.

 “You’re right.  I’ll make an appointment to see Pfaff and then I’m going home to talk to my wife,” Lee declared with a new sense of urgency.

Billy grinned as he crossed the room and patted his agent on his left shoulder.  “I think that’s a great decision.  Glad to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back,” Lee answered.

***

A few hours later…
 

“Amanda?” Lee shouted out as he came into the house.  “Amanda?

“I’m in the kitchen,” she called back.

Lee walked to the back of the house and kissed his wife who was busy cooking.  “So where is everyone?”

“Mother was invited by Mrs. Brewer to Williamsburg and Joe called earlier to remind me to have the boys ready by five,” she answered.

“For what?”

“It seems the boys forgot to tell me about some awards banquet Joe was taking them to.”

Lee chuckled.  “I doubt they forgot, more like they didn’t want to get dressed up in suit and tie.”

Amanda nodded.  “I’m sure.  Either way, it’s just you and me for dinner tonight.

“That’s not such a bad thing.”   He flashed her a bright smile and pulled her away from the stove trying to give her a hug.

Amanda pushed him away.  “Lee, I’m cooking dinner.”

He turned off the stove.  “Dinner can wait.  I think we need to talk.”

“Can’t it wait until after dinner?” she argued.

“No.  I think we’ve postponed this long enough.”  He took her hand firmly in his and led her into the family room.  They sat down together on the couch.

“All right, what’s so important that we can’t put it off until after dinner?” she asked, her short temper starting to show.

“I made an appointment with Dr. Pfaff for next week…”

“I don’t need you to make appointments for me,” she snapped, not allowing him to finish and she started to get up off the couch.

He grabbed her arm, and held it unyieldingly.  “Sit down, Amanda.  I never said the appointment was for you.  It’s for me.”

“Oh,” she replied softly.

“Billy thought it might be a good idea if both of us go talk to Pfaff before we go back into the field.”

“I’m not sure I want to go back,” Amanda whispered unsteadily.

Lee took her hands in his.  “You’ve worked so hard to get where you are today.  You’d go crazy stuck up in the Q Bureau.  In the spring, when you were waiting for medical clearance you reminded me of that at least twice a day.”

“I don’t think I want to go back to the Agency at all.”

Lee’s eyes flew open wide.  He had expected she might be afraid to return to field duty, but to want to leave the Agency totally.  He wasn’t ready for that.  “Amanda, don’t let what happened the other night cloud your judgment.”

“I’m not,” she squabbled.  “I’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“Amanda, you can’t fool me.  I know you better than that.  You’re scared and confused.  It’s not uncommon after what happened.” Lee tried to be rational, but his wife’s tired eyes flared with anger.

“This isn’t about the shooting.”

“Yes it is,” he disputed, but he tried to remain calm.

“Maybe I just want to have a normal life again.  What’s wrong with that?”

“If that’s what you wanted you would have married Dean,” Lee snapped, but immediately regretted his words and his tone.

“I’m going to finish cooking dinner.” She pulled away from him and went back into the kitchen.

Lee followed her and blocked her from reaching the stove.  His patience was beginning to run thin at his wife’s attempts to avoid discussing the subject.  “Amanda, you’re in no condition to make such an important decision without discussing it with me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me that a good night’s sleep wouldn’t cure.  Which, I intend to get as soon as I finish eating my dinner.  Now will you please move?”

“NO!  The nightmares aren’t going to go away by themselves.  You need to talk about it.  If you don’t want to talk to me then talk to Pfaff.  He can help you through this.  He’s a professional.”

“You were right, Lee.  You’ve been right from the start.  I’m not cut out for this type of job.  I’m too emotional.  I can’t turn my emotions on and off like you can.  I killed a person the other night.  I shot him at almost point blank range in his chest.  I was covered… in his blood” she choked up, tears flooding her eyes, “and watched as he died on the floor right in front of me.  I have to live with that nightmare the rest of my life.”

“Damn it, Amanda, believe me when I tell you, you can get past this.  You need to see the whole picture.  Look past the blood and the body.  If you hadn’t shot Verminoff when you did, I’d be the one dead on the floor.  Is that what you want?” Lee pleaded, his voice louder than he wanted it to be.

“No,” she forced out in a hushed voice.  “But it doesn’t change the truth.  I’m a housewife from Arlington Virginia who has been kidding herself for way too long.”

“No, Amanda, don’t short change yourself.  You’re a fully trained counter intelligent agent who works for the Agency.  You kept yourself together the other night during extremely difficult circumstances.”  Lee hoped his words would get through to her, but one look at his wife told him that self doubt was eating her alive.   He grabbed her arms, and tried to look into her eyes.  “I’m alive because my partner saved my life.    Otherwise there’d be two agent’s funerals tomorrow, mine and Gerrity’s!”

“You don’t understand…” Amanda suddenly stopped and looked down at her arms that Lee held tightly.  She yanked them away.

Lee watched as her face paled.  She stared at her arms. Although there was nothing wrong with them, her eyes grew wide and her respiration increased.  He knew from her actions she was having a flashback – she thought she was covered in Viktor’s blood again.

She pushed past him, hurried to the sink and started to rinse her arms off.  She rubbed her arms until they were bright red from her scrubbing and the hot water.

“Amanda, stop,” Lee demanded as he shut the water off.  He reached for a towel and tried to dry his wife’s arms and shirt but she pulled away.

“Leave me alone,” she shrieked.  “Just go away!”

He grabbed her again, trying to break through her stupor with no success.  “Amanda, you’re safe at home.”

“But I’m not safe.  I’ll never be safe again!  My family will never be safe.”

“Calm down, sweetheart.  It’ll be all right.  I promise you.” He tried to reason with her, but in her panicked state he couldn’t reach her.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone?” she shouted and pulled away from him.  Her eyes glared at him.

Lee stepped back and looked at the woman he loved who was falling apart in front of his eyes.  “Let me help you, please?”

“This is your fault...Just get out!”

“Amanda, please, let me help…”

“Get out!” she screamed at him.  “This is all your fault!”

He swallowed hard and winced at her words.  She was right.  This whole thing had been his fault.  It started the day he handed her the package at the train station and culminated the other night at the warehouse.  He should have let Viktor Verminoff leave the warehouse and be damned about the plans of the Crytpo 510.

“Amanda, I’m sorry.  This is my fault.  I’m so, so sorry,” Lee said, his tired voice shaking.  He’d put her at risk that fateful day.  When they married, he put her family at risk as well.  Could leaving her protect her?  He glanced around the room and spotted his car keys sitting on the counter.  He walked over and grabbed them and hastily left without looking back.

End Part Two
 
 
 

AFTERMATH:  Part Three
 

Lee walked up to the gravesite a few minutes before the service started.  He recognized Gerrity’s wife, and noticed two young teenage girls, dressed in black with tear stained faces.  He assumed they were the deceased’s children.

“Where the hell have you been?” Francine demanded in a harsh whisper as she sidled up to him.

Lee gave her a confused look.  “Not now, Francine.  I’ve had a rough couple of days.”

“You have?” she gave him an incredulous glare.  “Amanda called me last night at eleven o’clock.  She was looking for you.”

“Amanda called you looking for me?” Lee asked in a surprised and hopeful tone.

“Yeah.  She’s been searching all over town for you.  How could you walk out on her when she needed you the most?” Francine snapped.

“I didn’t walk out on her, Francine, she asked me to leave,” Lee corrected, but his mind was racing.  Perhaps they still had a chance to work things out.

“So you never went home last night?  She must still be frantic.”

“I went to the house this morning to pick up my suit, but she was gone.  Nobody was home.”

Before they could continue their conversation Francine elbowed Lee in the ribs.  She nodded her head.  “Here she comes.”

“Who?” he asked, then he glanced up to see his wife and Billy walking towards the crowd of mourners.  Swallowing hard, Lee wasn’t sure if Amanda being with Billy was a good sign or a bad one.

Lee watched Billy help Amanda across the grass until she reached his side.   She reached down for Lee’s hand and squeezed it tightly.

“Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi,” he answered back, but just then, the minister called for their attention to start the service.

“Let us pray…” the minister began.

Lee bowed his head in prayer.  In the moment of silence after the minister finished her sermon, Lee glanced at his wife wondering what was going through her mind.  Amanda leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed heavily.

When the service ended, they gave their condolences once more to the widow then Amanda tugged on Lee’s arm.

“Walk with me, please?” she suggested.

“Sure,” Lee nodded and he and Amanda walked away from the group, hand in hand towards a large maple tree.

“I’m really sorry about last night,” Amanda whispered, her cheeks red in embarrassment.  “I, um kind of lost control.  I know you were trying to help me and instead of letting you, I not only pushed you away, but I said some rather awful things to you as well.”

“Yeah, you did,” Lee concurred, he’d been deeply hurt by his wife’s actions.

“You and Billy were right.  I need some help.  After you walked out last night I realized how badly.”

“I didn’t walk out on you.  You told me to leave,” he reminded her.

“I stand corrected.  I sat on the floor in the kitchen for almost an hour, crying.  That’s when I realized I was kidding myself.  You were right.  I can’t ignore what happened and I can’t do it alone.   I want you to know I was in Dr. Pfaff’s office this morning at eight o’clock.”

“Really?” he asked stopping under the tree, surprised at his wife’s turnabout.

“I didn’t sleep very well last night, but then again, I haven’t slept well since,” she stopped and swallowed hard.  “Since I killed Viktor.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t sleep much last night either,” Lee confessed.

“No, that doesn’t make me feel better.  It makes me feel worse,” Amanda admitted, shaking her head.  “I know it’s a little late to ask, but are you still willing to help me through all this?”

Lee pulled her into his arms and whispered into her ear.  “Amanda, I told you that night at the warehouse that everything would be all right.  I meant what I said.  You saved my life.  Don’t you think I owe you that much?”

Amanda pulled away.   She glanced up at her husband, tears streaking her face and her mascara running.  “Pfaff warned me that it could take a while to work through all this.  Are you sure you want to make that kind of commitment?”

Lee nodded and reminded his wife.  “I want my partner back, Mrs. Stetson.

“There’s no guarantee that I’ll be able to return to the field,” she warned him.

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take.  If it takes you a year of sitting on Pfaff’s couch I’ll be waiting outside the door.”

Amanda hugged Lee tightly.  “Oh my gosh!  I don’t think I can survive a year on Pfaff’s couch.”

Lee kissed his wife on the forehead.  “Then let’s take it a day at a time, all right?”

“Lee, I’m scared.  What happens to ‘us’ if I can’t get past this and don’t return to the field or even the Agency?” she whispered anxiously.

“Sooner or later we both might want to leave the field.  I just want it to be our decision.  I don’t want some lowlife mercenary to force us out prematurely.”

“Does that mean you might actually apply for some of those jobs collecting dust in your ‘Pending File’?”

Lee looked away.  “Um, you know about that file?”

She nodded.  “Uh huh.  I was looking for a case file one day and ran across it.”

“Billy’s been putting them in my mailbox for well over a year now, at first I just threw them away.”

“So how long have you been saving them?”

“Since we got back from California.  When you got shot and almost died my priorities have changed – a lot.”

“So you’re seriously considering taking a desk job?!” she asked, her eyes wide in disbelief.

He shrugged.  “I’m giving it some thought.  It would mean more money and better hours, but, well it’s not just the money.   I kind of like being a married family man.  It’s got to be the right position though.   I’m not ready to leave the field for just any job, but the risks are higher now.”

“If I don’t come back to the Agency you’d leave the field?”

Lee thought about her question for a few moments before answering.  “I don’t know.  I’m a much better agent with you than I am without you.  You know that.”

“You’re a good agent with or without me.  The Agency has been a big part of your life.  A big part of us…”

Lee turned away again and ran his hand through his hair.   He swallowed hard, but since Amanda had shared her fears with him, he felt obligated to reciprocate.  “Amanda, I don’t worry about ‘us’ if the Agency isn’t in our lives.  My love for you isn’t dependant upon our jobs.  What I do worry about is what could happen to you every day we leave for work because of the Agency.  The other night was a nightmare for me too.  Thank God you were there.  You saved my life, but at what cost?  I saw your face; your eyes were so distant… I wondered if you could ever forgive me…”

“And then I threw that in your face last night.  Oh my gosh, Lee, I’m so sorry!”

“What you said was true.  Because of me, you and our family are exposed to danger,” he answered flatly.

“Because of you I’m happier than I have been almost all my adult life.  I love you.  I can’t imagine my life without you.  You were right.  I dumped Dean because I wanted more out of life.  I wanted you – even back then.  I don’t regret my life with you – I never have.  I won’t lie to you, Lee.  I wish I hadn’t been put in that position – killing a person.  The last week has been awful.  But as you, Billy and Dr. Pfaff have reminded me, my choices were rather limited.  I made the right choice.  I know that for certain.”

Her tears were now flowing steadily again.  Lee pulled out a handkerchief and gently dabbed her face, wiping them away.  “Sounds like you’ve already made a lot of progress today, Mrs. Stetson.”

“I’m a mess aren’t I?” she asked.

“Your mascara ran…”  He glanced around the cemetery and noticed there were few people lingering around.  “Come on, how about we slip out of here and take you home, Mrs. Stetson.”

“I think that’s a good idea, Mr. Stetson,” Amanda answered as they walked back to Lee’s Corvette.

End Part Three
 
 
 

*** *** ***
 
 
 

Aftermath:  Conclusion
 

Several Weeks later…
 

Lee stretched and yawned before he opened his eyes only to see his wife staring down at him.  “Amanda, did you have another nightmare?” he asked with concern.

“Nope,” she answered back with a broad smile on her face.  “I slept through the night.”

“You slept the entire night?” he inquired.  He studied his wife’s face, but there were no dark circles or bags under her eyes this morning.  She looked different – she appeared to be refreshed.  The insomnia she’d been plague with finally seemed to have abated.

“Until about ten minutes ago.”

He leaned up onto his elbow, checked the time on the alarm clock, and then kissed his wife.  “That’s wonderful.”

“What’s wonderful is it happened in only a few weeks time,” she remarked.  “I guess seeing Pfaff was a good idea.”

“I’m just glad it’s happened so quickly; a whole year with Pfaff would make anyone want to leave the Agency.”

“I definitely don’t want to leave the Agency.  I miss watching your back.”

“What about field work?  Do you think… do you want to go back into the field?” he questioned hesitantly, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

“Yeah, I want to go back into the field – with you.  I have to admit I had my doubts the first week after the shooting, but now,” she shrugged.  “I think I’m ready.”

“Wow, that’s great.  I’m sure Billy will be glad to hear that.”

“I’m sure you’re right, but what about you?”

“Amanda, I’ve missed having my partner by my side.  Working in the field without my wife isn’t the same.”  He sat up in bed and glanced over at his wife, grinning brightly.  He wanted nothing more.  Working with Francine or alone in the field the last few weeks had made him pull out his ‘pending file’ more than once.  “Nothing would make me happier!”

“Nothing?” she asked with a devious grin, her fingers dancing playfully across his chest.

“Mrs. Stetson, are you trying to seduce me?” he teased as he grasped her hands in his and brought them up to his lips.

“Mr. Stetson, if you’re not sure, your skills are getting rather rusty.  We’ll really need to spend a lot more time together!” she remarked with a raised eyebrow.  “And not just in the field…”

Lee reached out and touched his wife’s face tenderly.  His hand slowly caressed her cheek, then her neck and carefully toyed with the strap of her nightgown.  “Count on it, Mrs. Stetson… count on it.”

Their lips met and the sparks that had been silent for weeks, started once again to fly…

The end
 

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