WARNING!!! This story is rated “R” and/or “NC17” for adult themes.  This is unlike my usual lighter stories.  At times the material will be graphic and violent.  Both the language and suggestive actions in this story may not be suitable for younger readers.  If you don’t want to read a story that deals with challenging adult subject matter, please don’t start it.  If you do choose to read it, remember you have been warned.  Otherwise, your comments are welcome -  Robin
 
 
 

***
 
 

The Agency:  Monday Morning
 

The rainy Monday morning only accentuated Billy Melrose’s foul mood and Francine wanted nothing more than to dodge his fury.  However she was frantically trying to keep pace with him as he bellowed orders at her to find the absent agents from his morning briefing while he stomped back to his office.

The violent spring storm that started over the weekend continued dumping copious amounts of rain in the suburbs and the usual areas in DC and the surrounding neighborhoods were flooded.  There had been numerous car accidents and power outages.  Several agents were late or had missed his Monday morning briefing entirely.  Lee and Amanda were among them.

“Francine, I’m giving you ten minutes to find out where the hell Lee and Amanda are?  I don’t want any excuses,” he roared furiously throwing his files onto his desk and slamming his door.

“Yes, sir,” Francine answered in despair staring at the solid door which was now only inches from her nose.  Rushing towards her own desk, she picked up the phone and started dialing the Stetson household.  The answering machine clicked on so she hung up.   Her fingers rummaged through her Rolodex locating Lee’s cell phone number and dialed that.  The phone rang and rang, but neither Lee or Amanda answered.

“Maybe they’re up in the Q Bureau?” she surmised as she dialed the internal extension, but nobody answered that line either.  Stymied, but not ready to give up and be the next person to endure Billy’s wrath she called Mrs. Marston.

“IFF,” Mrs. Marston answered.

“It’s Desmond here.  Has Scarecrow or Amanda checked in this morning?” Francine asked in an annoyed voice.

“No, I haven’t seen or heard from either of them.”

“When they do get in, have them call me immediately.”

Frustrated by her lack of progress, she hung up the phone.  “Has anyone heard from Scarecrow or Amanda?” she grumbled out loud to the occupants of the bullpen.

Agent Kendrick walked over to her desk.  “Maybe they’re down at the county impound yard.  I noticed on the police blotter that Amanda’s car was towed there earlier this morning.”

“Did it break down?” Francine surmised with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m not sure.  I remember seeing her name listed as the owner.  I didn’t think anything of it because of the weather.  You’d have to check the incident report for specifics.”

“Thanks,” she nodded and began tapping onto her computer keyboard to pull up a report.  After studying the report for a few seconds she picked up the phone and made a call. She was still on the phone when her supervisor’s door flew open.  Ducking down in the chair hoping Billy was hunting for someone else she kept pressing the person on the phone for answers.

“Francine!” Billy bellowed from his office door.  “Is that Scarecrow?”

Glancing up from her phone call, and flashing a weak smile she covered the mouthpiece.  “No, but I’ll brief you in a moment.”

Billy turned and stalked back into his office slamming the door again.  Jotting down some notes quickly, she spoke on the phone a few minutes longer before hanging up.  Staring at her notes and sighing in frustration, she stood up and knocked on Billy’s office door then entered.

“Where are they?” he demanded.

“I still haven’t tracked them down but apparently they were in a car accident.  I just got off the phone with the tow truck driver who pulled their car out of the trees down in Fairfax County.  It was pretty banged up, but the car was unoccupied.”

“Fairfax County?  That’s not on their way to the office,” Billy commented.  “When did the accident happen?”

“I don’t know.”

“Who called it in?”

“Another motorist who had car trouble early this morning.  It could have been there for a while.  With this weather, who knows?”

“Call the hospitals - see if they’ve been admitted and have somebody drive over to their house; see if they’re home.  Maybe their phone’s out of order or their power is out.”

“I’m on it,” she answered, but she was starting to get a funny feeling in her stomach that something was wrong and she was pretty sure Billy was thinking the same thing.

“And, Francine, keep me informed.”

Another hour flew by.  Francine hung up the phone again, frustrated and increasingly worried.  Despite her best efforts this morning, she had more questions than she did answers.  She knew one thing, Scarecrow and Amanda were missing.  Gathering her notes and a time line she’d pieced together she hurried back to Billy’s office.

“What do you have?” Billy asked when he hung up the phone.

“I’ve checked all the hospitals but nobody fitting their descriptions has been admitted or had been treated.  Likewise with the morgues - luckily, no John or Jane Doe’s there either, but that’s it for the good news.  Kendrick drove over to the house.  Lee’s Corvette was in the garage, but nobody else was there.”

“The boys should be at school,” Billy pointed out.

Francine nodded.  “Yes, I checked Amanda’s calendar on her desk in the Q Bureau.  Her ex had the kids this weekend and her mother’s out of town until this afternoon.  I gave Joe King a call.  He picked them up on Saturday and dropped them off at school this morning.  I ran a check on Lee and Amanda’s credit cards.  They haven’t been used since Saturday night.  Lee signed for dinner at ‘Chez Louis’.”

“Are we sure it was his signature?”

“I had the manager fax me over a copy of the receipt.  I’ve seen enough of Lee’s expense reports to know it was definitely his chicken scratch.  That might explain why the car was found in Fairfax County.  It’s on the way back from the restaurant,” Francine explained.

“So nobody’s seen them since Saturday night?  How come the car wasn’t found sooner?” he exclaimed loudly.

Francine swallowed hard.  She knew that meant trouble.  “I guess because of the weather.  It’s lucky that they found it this soon.”

“Where’s their car? Still at the impound yard?”

“Yes.”

“Have it towed over here.  I want the lab boys to check it out.  I want to know what happened and I want to know now!”

“That’s already being done. The car will be here before noon.” Francine had tried to cover every angle and although she was on top of things she still felt as if she wasn’t doing enough to find them.

“Good!  Everyone else is accounted for, right?”

“Yes, Maguire and Olsen had fender benders this morning, Rodriquez had no power at home and the alarm clock didn’t go off; he got here a few minutes ago.  Dunn drove through a flooded street and his car died on him.  He called in, but is still waiting to be towed.”

Billy shook his head.  “All right then, we can focus on Scarecrow and Amanda.  I want answers and I wanted them yesterday.  Have Kendrick grab one of the boys from the lab and inspect the crash site.  See if they can come up with anything.”

“You really think the rain hasn’t washed away any evidence?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Let’s just say I’m hopeful something might still be there.  Tow truck drivers aren’t looking for clues in a disappearance.  To them it’s just another vehicle.  I’m ordering a ‘Delta Alert’ for all field agents until we figure out what’s going on.”
 

* ** **
 

With the Delta Alert issued and still no word from either Lee or Amanda Stetson the mood in the Agency was tense.  Word had spread quickly from one department to another about their disappearance.  Francine kept digging deeper and deeper into what might have happened to them.  Looking up from her desk a soaked Agent Kendricks was holding out pictures of the scene.

Francine thumbed through the pictures before commenting.  “Not much to go on.”

“With all the rain and wind we’ve had we’re lucky they found the car.  Have you heard anything from forensics yet?”

“No, but they’re still working on it.  I saw the car, the damage wasn’t that extensive.  The front end was smashed and the window was cracked.  There was a little blood inside the car, but nothing that would suggest they didn’t survive the accident.”

“You checked the hospitals yet?”

“Of course!” she snapped, rolling her eyes.  “I did that hours ago.”

“If there’s anything else I can do to help, let me know.  I’m going to get out of these wet clothes before I catch pneumonia.”

“Thanks, Kendricks,” she nodded as she watched him exit the bullpen.

She thumbed through the pictures again, wishing she could pick up on something - anything.  There had to be a clue.  She was more than frustrated by their lack of progress.  Minutes later her phone rang.  She grabbed it immediately.

“Desmond…  No, that’s ridiculous!” she argued with the caller.  “It must be a mistake.  Run it again…  You already have?  But that’s impossible…  No, I haven’t checked yet, but he should be…  All right.  Fax me up the results now.  I’ll be waiting.”

Staring at the facsimile machine across the room, her fingers flew across her computer keyboard in search of corroborating information.   The ringing from the fax drew her attention away from the keyboard.  Crossing the room urgently she pulled the pages off the machine as they came out.  Rushing back to her desk she studied the information carefully.  Her hands were trembling as her fingers searched for the letters on her computer keyboard.  Engrossed in what she was doing Francine didn’t hear her supervisor calling her.

“Francine!” Billy called to her again.  “Is there a problem?”

Glancing up at her supervisor with a pale face she opened her mouth but there were no words to express her trepidation.

“Francine, what’s wrong?” Billy pried.

Handing the fax over to her supervisor she finally found her voice.  “The lab called a couple of minutes ago.  They pulled some prints off the passenger door.”

“Did they get a match?” he pressed in a low voice.

“Uh huh,” she nodded in disbelief knowing that her supervisor wasn’t going to like the answer.  “They match Addi Birol…”

End Part One
 
 
 
 

Flashback:  Part Two
 

Monday afternoon
 
 

“Damn it!” Billy shouted as he slammed down the phone.

Francine started to shake her head defiantly.  She’d been telling herself for the last hour that it was all a big mistake.  Somebody had lifted his fingerprints to throw them, but the look on Billy’s reddened face told her that it wasn’t a sick joke or even a stupid mistake.  “Don’t tell me they’re confirming it?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” he answered, pounding his fist onto his desk angrily.

“How the hell did he manage that?” she gasped incredulously.

“I don’t have the luxury of getting the details on how right now.  The clock is ticking.  It has been since Friday!” he tapped a pencil nervously on the desk.

“Friday, and nobody noticed until now?”

Billy broke the pencil he was tapping.  Pushing his chair back, sending it crashing against the wall, he stood up and paced his office.  Gazing out into the bullpen, he shook his head before turning and explaining what he’d learned.  “Late Friday afternoon, ‘Abu Razzaq’ was to be released from the same prison Birol is – correction, was being held.   Razzaq bares a striking resemblance to Birol – same height, weight, appearance and cell block.”

“They switched identities?” her eyes flew open wide; her voice was as agitated as Billy’s.  “How the hell did he pull that off?”

“I’ll let the Bureau of Prisons work out those particulars for now. At the moment we have a big enough problem of our own.  I’m upping the alert level to ‘Delta Red’.  Get this thing on the wire now!  I want every available agent looking for Birol.  Call the FBI, CIA, NSA, Metro and State Police and anyone else you can think of.  Fax Birol’s picture to all the wire services and news bureaus.  I want everyone who can see looking for that bastard.”

“The news bureaus?  Billy, are you sure?”

“Francine, we’re three days behind Birol.  We’re not sure if he’s still in the country.  We need to find Lee and Amanda, wherever they are.  Hopefully they’re still…”

Francine cut him off before he could finish his last sentence.  “I’ll have agents scour all of Birol’s known hideouts.  I’ll alert our teams at the airports and have the tapes from the last few days at all the major airports reviewed and run the passenger lists.”

Billy nodded his approval.  “Do it, but Birol knows how we work.”

“If he had a contact on the inside he might have useful information.”

“It’s possible.  Get Kendricks in here.  You’re going to need some help with all this.”

Standing up and hurrying towards the door, she paused for a moment.  “We’ll find them.”

“Yeah, but we better do it fast,” he answered, before adding what she already knew.  “Or we won’t find them alive.”

Wincing at the candor of his words she silently left his office.  Knowing Birol’s reputation he was probably right.  The last time Birol crossed their path he’d captured Amanda first and then Lee.  They were lucky to get out with their lives.  Birol had obviously carefully calculated this latest incident.  She hated to think about it, but would Lee and Amanda be as lucky this time?
 

** ** ** ** ** **
 

It was almost midnight when Francine knocked on Billy’s office door.  They were both exhausted, but they knew that they couldn’t give up.  “We’ve got a lead.  A property manager from an apartment complex in Fairfax called the tip line.  She says she recognizes the picture of Birol from the news.”

“When and where did she see him last?” Billy demanded anxiously.

“She claims to have rented him an apartment.”

“What?  Where?”

“Down in Fairfax.  She doesn’t remember the apartment building.”

“What do you mean she can’t remember?  Doesn’t she have the files?”

“She called from home.   Like I said, she was watching the news when she recognized him.  Her files are at the office.”

“Go pick her up.  I want to know what apartment or apartments he has and I want to know now!” Billy shouted loudly.

“I’m meeting her at the leasing office.”

It was a little more than an hour later when Francine called her supervisor again.  “Billy, we’re at the leasing office.”

“Was it Birol?” Billy asked.

“We don’t know yet.  This place is a mess,” Francine commented as she glanced around the chaotic office at piles of paperwork stacked haphazardly.  “It seems the person rented the apartment over the weekend when our tipster wasn’t here.  She says she saw him briefly when he dropped off paperwork early Monday morning.  Apparently the receptionist was fired on Monday and I could see why.  She threw a temper tantrum before she left and tossed the files all over the place.  If we find the paperwork it’ll be through sheer luck.”

“This is starting to sound like a wild goose chase,” Billy lamented.

“I don’t think so, Billy.  Our tipster mentioned that the renter had an accent.”

“This is Washington DC, Francine.  A lot of people have accents!”

“Billy, I’ve got a feeling about this lead,” she whispered into the phone.  “This woman said he had the most haunting eyes.”

Billy’s tone and volume changed after her last comment.  “Where exactly are you?”

“The Potomac Arms Leasing Office on River Road.  Go two blocks after the light on Main and make a right.  Follow the detour two blocks.  The road is still flooded in sections, but this part of River Road is open again.”

“Damn this rain.  I’ll be right there.   Stay put,” he yelled into the phone.

Holding the phone a couple inches from her ear she answered.  “We’ll be waiting.”

Francine continued to help the woman alphabetize the files, but she was beginning to wonder if Billy was right about the veracity of the lead.  It could take hours to confirm it was Birol or for that matter if it wasn’t.

Luckily, with the late hour there was little traffic on the roads and Billy Melrose made it to the leasing office in less than twenty minutes.  Francine saw the headlights of a car pull up and went to the door.  She unlocked it and let Billy in before he could knock.

“You made good time,” she observed as he hurried into the office.

“The rain finally stopped.  What’s the status?” he demanded immediately, an anxious look on his face.

“We’re still looking.”

“What do you mean you’re still looking?  He only rented the place on Saturday.”

“Hello to you, too!” The bleary-eyed property manager glared up at Billy from a stack of paperwork on her desk which she was sifting through.

“William Melrose, from the Agency and you are?” he asked, extending his hand.

“Helen Fox, property manager.  We manage several dozen different complexes throughout Northern Virginia.  At any given time we have over a hundred applications for people moving in or interested in applying for an apartment.  Some of our apartments have waiting lists of up to six months…”

“I get the picture,” he interrupted quickly.  “How can we expedite the process?”

Francine handed him a file of leasing applications to look through.  “We’re still sorting the files.  I’ve got most of the ‘A’s through F’s in this pile.  I’ve already checked the ‘B’s’.  He wasn’t in there, but I doubt he’ll be using his own name.”

“Have you checked the ‘R’s’ yet, for Razzaq?” he asked.

“No, try searching over here,” Francine answered with a raised brow pointing to another stack of files.  “Help yourself Billy.  I think ‘R’ is in there, but they’re still not alphabetized.”

The search continued for a while as a clock on the wall of the cluttered office ticked loudly.  The three of them sat sorting and sifting through folder after folder when Billy finally pulled out a file.  “I think I’ve got it.  He’s going under the name - Addi Razzaq!”

“How imaginative, using his own first name and Abu’s last name.  Easy enough for him to remember,” Francine remarked as she came over to inspect the file.

“He’s staying in Madison House apartment B5.  Where the hell is that?” Billy demanded.

“Madison house is one of our furnished, economical properties.”

“Where is it?” Francine pressed with an angry scowl on her weary face.

“Don’t you need a warrant or something to go into his apartment?” Helen asked nervously.

Billy glowered at the woman.  “This could mean life or death for two people.  Of course, if you preferred we wait until we have a warrant we can.  We can also have dozens of housing inspectors doing code inspections for the next couple of weeks…”

“Not too far from here on Wilkes Boulevard near the highway,” Helen quickly replied.

“Francine, get on the phone and get back up rolling.  No lights, no sirens.  Have them meet us at the corner.  I want to surround him, not signal him and certainly not spook him.  But if he’s there and he tries to run, I want a tight noose around his neck.”

“Right,” Francine nodded as she picked up the phone and started making phone calls.

***

3:11AM Tuesday morning…
 

Less than an hour later, Billy and Francine dressed totally in black and protected by bullet proof vests stood within sight of the Madison House Apartments.  The older, two story apartments were quiet at this late hour as most of the residents were sleeping.  The roads leading to the building had been blocked off to limit the traffic in and out of the area. They met with the SWAT team leader to assess the situation.

“I’ve got two men on the roof, one in the back alley, the front door and every window,” the SWAT leader advised.  “If he’s in there, he’s not going anywhere.”

“Any movement inside?” Billy asked.

“We’ve got ears inside, but we don’t hear anyone talking.  Someone’s moving around in the living room.  That’s the front corner where the light’s on,” he pointed.   “Can’t tell you if it’s Birol or not, but we think it’s only one person that’s up and moving.”

“Is everything’s a go?” Billy asked, as his stomach tightened.

“You want us to go in first, or follow you in?”

Billy glanced at Francine for a moment before he answered.  As crack as the SWAT team was, the Agency would take care of its own.  “It’s our team who might be inside.  We go in first, you cover us and the exits.  If Birol tries to escape, it’s shoot to kill.”

The SWAT leader nodded, whispered something into his mouthpiece and gave the thumbs up signal to Billy.  The three of them skulked stealthily towards the building, guns drawn.  When they arrived at the front door, Billy leaned his ear to the door, but heard nothing.  Removing a lock pick from his pocket and without a sound he inserted it into the lock.   His eyes motioned to Francine to be ready.  With a movement as swift as lightning, he picked the lock and threw open the door.

“Don’t move, Birol, you’re surrounded,” Billy Melrose shouted out immediately, drawing his gun and giving the backup team warning that their suspect was indeed inside.

There was no further dialogue between the two men.

Birol wasn’t about to give up without a fight.  Exposed on the couch, he dove for cover as he reached for his gun.  Shots rang out, the sounds penetrating the quiet night.  The glass window behind Billy shattered as a bullet flew by him, only inches away.  Then a thud as a body hit the floor before the silence returned.

Billy turned around to check on Francine who had been right behind him.  “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she answered as she peeled herself off the floor and dusted herself off.  She nodded towards the body that rested motionless on the floor.  “I’m sure glad you’re a good shot.”

Billy watched a pool of blood circle around Birol’s head.  His shots hit him square in the forehead and the other in his chest.  “Call the bomb squad.  It looks like Birol’s been rather busy.  This whole place may be booby trapped,” Billy remarked to Francine, noticing the small arsenal of wires, metal pipes, various powders and other incendiary devices in the room, he stepped back.

“What about Lee and Amanda?” she asked.

“I’ll search the apartment myself – carefully.  I don’t want anyone to accidentally blow this place to kingdom come.  Get the rest of the building evacuated and get an ambulance rolling.”

“An ambulance?” Francine repeated, nodding towards Birol.  “I don’t think he’s going to need it.”

Billy’s eyes scanned the room and answered in a hushed tone.  “I’m hopeful somebody else might.”

“I’m on it,” she answered before disappearing into the darkness outside the building.

Billy Melrose went over to the body.  Bending down he checked the pulse of Addi Birol – there was none.  “Rot in hell, you bastard,” he swore at the man.

Carefully stepping around the room, making sure there were no trip wires and touching nothing that resembled a bomb, Billy made his way down the short hallway.  The doors to each of the rooms were closed.  Unsure if Birol had an accomplice he flattened his body against the wall.  Examining the door for any wires, he didn’t see any.  He reached for the doorknob and pushed it open.  Thankfully, it wasn’t booby-trapped.

Flicking on the light he observed there was no accomplice.  In the room there was a twin bed with no sheets, an old dresser with what appeared to be used needles and drug paraphernalia on the top of it and several empty vials.  Apparently Birol had gotten a hold of several kinds of drugs.

Swallowing hard, Billy scrutinized the body that slumped in the corner of the room shackled to a heavy wooden chair.  He recognized the body as Lee Stetson, but he wasn’t sure if he was unconscious, asleep or dead.  A gag shoved into his mouth, his face bloody and swollen.  Lee opened his eyes slowly, both of which were black, his right one more swollen than the other.  His shoulders were lopsided, appearing as if he’d dislocated his shoulder trying to free his arms that were chained behind him.  Blinking several times Lee struggled to lift his head, obviously a man who’d been taken to the edge of his limits.   Billy hurried into the room, pulling out the rag that had gagged his mouth.

“Are you all right,” Billy asked, glad that the man was still alive.

Lee shook his head mutely.

“Where’s Amanda?”

Tears filled his eyes and he swallowed with difficulty but couldn’t seem to find his voice.  Finally he tilted his head towards the next room.

“Does Birol have an accomplice?”

Again, Lee didn’t verbalize his response, his head barely motioning a negative reply.

“I’ll be right back,” Billy promised before he left the room and opened the door to the other.  Switching the light on in that room he saw her, her knees against her chest in a protective ball on a full bed, half naked.  Her arms were handcuffed above her head and chained to the headboard of the bed.  She had been beaten as well, and there was blood on her chest and the sheets.  Billy’s stomach turned at the sight.

“Amanda?” Billy called out softly, but there was no response.  Again he called to her, this time a little louder and more insistent, praying they weren’t too late.  “AMANDA!”

A moment later her eyes flickered open cautiously as her body tensed.

Her eyes followed him as he hurried across the room.  Attempting to remove the gag from her mouth by undoing the knot proved fruitless.  It was tied so tight it had cut into the skin on both sides of her mouth; her lower lip was bloody and swollen.  Taking out his pocketknife he cut it off her.  She groaned as he peeled the bloody gag from her dry mouth, pulling a scab off the one side and causing it to start bleeding again.  “I’m sorry, Amanda, I didn’t mean to hurt you.  Are you all right?”

She nodded and hoarsely croaked out.  “Lee?”

“He’s alive,” he answered as he started to work his lock pick on the handcuffs that held her arms above her head.  Freeing her hands, she struggled to move her stiff and sore arms.  Billy noticed immediately that there were bruises on both her wrists.  Grabbing the sheet on the bed, he covered her.  Her eyes blinked tearfully.  Billy wasn’t sure if she was crying because of the pain or because she was thankful to be alive.

“There’s an ambulance on the way.  We’ll have you out of here in a few minutes.”  Billy sighed heavily with relief that they were both still alive, but he wasn’t sure what condition either of them was in mentally and emotionally.
 

**  **  **  **  **  **  **
 

9:13AM Tuesday morning
 

Looking up from her desk, Francine saw an exhausted Billy Melrose cross the bullpen on a direct course for his office.  He’d sent her home hours ago after they cleared the scene at the apartment building.  Not being able to sleep she took a shower and changed before returning to the office and waited in the bullpen for news.  Usually the grapevine would be buzzing, but nobody had any information on the condition of Lee or Amanda.  Apparently Billy was keeping a tight lid on things and she knew that wasn’t good news.

Billy Melrose’s appearance was haggard.  Still wearing the same suit he wore on Monday, Francine assumed he’d yet to get home.  The dark bags under his eyes confirmed he still hadn’t gotten any sleep.  Accosting him before he could close his office door she asked.  “How are they?”

Shaking his head grimly he answered in a dejected voice.  “Not good, either of them.”

“They’re alive,” Francine offered in a hopeful tone, but she was all too familiar with the look her supervisor wore.

He nodded sullenly and rubbed his brow.  “Yeah.”

“Billy, they’re alive,” she repeated.  “They both knew the risks…”

Holding up his hand, he shook his head for her to stop.  “Francine, I don’t need the canned spiel from you.”

Francine shifted from one foot to the other apparently at a loss for what to say.  “Is Doc Kelford going to allow them to go home?”

Billy’s eyes widened.  “Not for a couple days.  They’re both too weak to go anywhere.  Besides, he wants them both to talk to Pfaff before they get clearance to go home and then we still have to do a debriefing on them both.”

“You’re not going to debrief them today?” she pressed with a raised eyebrow.

“No, they aren’t coherent enough at the moment.   Dr. Kelford is still trying to figure out all that Lee was injected with and Amanda… well Doc Kelford hasn’t finished examining her.  They both will need some time.  A lot has happened.”

Francine’s eyes flew open in alarm, not entirely certain what Billy meant by his last statement.  Swallowing hard she wanted to ask a particular question but in all honesty she didn’t want to know the answer.

Billy pushed past Francine and went into his office sitting down at his desk.  Francine leaned on his doorframe.

“Was there anything else?” he asked pointedly.

“There’s got to be something I can do to help.”

“Give them a couple of days, maybe then they’d welcome a visit.  At the moment they don’t even have the energy to see each other.”

“That’s not a good sign.”

Rubbing his hand on his forehead he continued to explain.  “They both asked how the other was doing, but they’ve been shackled, beaten, drugged, tormented and dehydrated.  They’re past exhausted.  It’ll be a couple of days before they feel normal again…”

“Normal?  You think after what Birol did to them they can achieve that again?”

Billy reached for the antacids in his pocket, popped a handful into his mouth and chomped them down as if they were his breakfast.  “Let’s hope for both their sakes they can.”

“What have you told Amanda’s family?”

“A moderated version of the truth… that their cover was blown and there were some problems, but they’re safe and will be home in a few days.”

“Would you let them know I asked about them?  If they need anything…”

“I’ll do that but, Francine, get out of here.  You’re as exhausted as I am and there’s nothing you can do for Lee or Amanda right now.  You did a great job the past 24 hours, really.  Without your help we might not have found them alive.”  Billy nodded towards the exit.  “Be careful out there, all right?”

“Birol’s dead, Billy, what’s to worry about?” she asked with a raise eyebrow.

“He wasn’t and isn’t the only threat out there.”

“I’ll be careful.  I’m always careful,” she nodded in a quiet voice.

“So were Lee and Amanda,” Billy mumbled before he folded his hands to his elbows and put his head on his desk.

Francine sighed heavily as she pulled the door to his office closed giving her supervisor much-needed peace and quiet.  His warning rested heavily upon her.  Lee and Amanda always were careful and they nearly lost their lives at the hands of a mad man despite the fact.  She wondered if they’d ever be the same again…

End Part Two
 
 
 
 

Flashback:      Part Three
 
 

Sunday Night…
 

“No…don’t, no… NOOOOOOOO,” Lee screamed and thrashed.

“Lee, Lee, sweetheart, wake up.” Amanda shook him gently until he sat up.  Clicking on the light she reassured him.  “It’s just a nightmare.”

His eyes darted around the room as he desperately gasped for air.  Finally his eyes locked on his wife.  “Amanda?” he croaked out.

“It’s all right, sweetheart,” she comforted him in a tender voice, but she could see he was soaked in sweat; she knew it was a flashback.  “You were having another nightmare.”

“Mom…” Phillip’s voice called out followed by a light knock at their bedroom door.

Squeezing Lee’s hand reassuringly she answered her son.  “Yes, sweetheart, come on in.”

The door cracked open slowly and her son’s voice was barely a whisper.  “Is everything all right?”

“Everything is fine.”

“Lee must have watched the ‘Centauri Conquest’.  Some of the kids at school have seen it and they said it was pretty gruesome,” Phillip surmised.

“Which is why I won’t let you stay up late to watch it,” Amanda reminded her son in a motherly tone.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.  You’ve got school tomorrow.  You better get back to bed,” Lee suggested to his stepson.

“Night.”

The door was barely closed before Lee kicked his legs from under the sheet and stood up.

“Where are you going?” Amanda asked in concern.

“I need a drink.”

“I’ll warm you up some milk,” she offered as she started to get up.

“Stay in bed.  I was thinking more like a bottle of scotch.”

“A bottle of scotch isn’t going to help you get to sleep.”

“It will if I drink enough of it,” he countered stubbornly.

“Then you’ll wake up feeling worse than before and have to deal with a hangover.  Lee, drinking is not going to solve the problem!” she cajoled patiently.  “You need to talk to Pfaff again.”

“Amanda…”

Shaking her head she interrupted.  “Lee, you’ve had nightmares every night since we got home.”

“You’ve had them, too.”

“Not every night and mine aren’t waking up the entire house,” she whispered tersely.

He raked his hand anxiously through his hair. ”I just need some sleep.”

“Getting drunk isn’t going to help - talking to Pfaff will.  He’s helping me,” she pleaded, but Lee turned away.

“I’m happy he’s helping you, really I am,” he answered pacing a short path next to their bed.  “I’m just not comfortable talking to him about… what happened.  I don’t like shrinks…”

“You’ve barely given him a chance,” she argued, deeply troubled for her husband and partner.  Their first abduction by Birol was bad enough, but this latest kidnapping by the terrorist had been horrifying.  “Try a couple more sessions with him.  If you still feel the same way I’m sure he could recommend someone else who you might feel more comfortable talking with.”  She stood up, crossed the room and reached out for him.

“Don’t,” he pleaded as he shivered and pulled away.  “I need time to work through this.”

“I know that.  I was there, too!” she snapped in frustration at her husband's attempt to distance himself from her.  “We can work through this together.  Talk to me.”

“I can’t.  Not yet.  Everything’s too fresh in my mind.  I’ve got to do this my way, at my pace,” he insisted.  He quickly grabbed his bathrobe and hurried out of the room.

She stopped at the door and watched as he disappeared into the darkness.  All she could hear were his bare feet scurrying down the stairs.  A cold shiver went down her spine as a flashback started to impede on her consciousness.

“Relax, Amanda,” she warned herself drawing in a deep breath and backing herself onto the safety of their bed.  Focusing on overcoming her own traumatic memories was proving difficult enough.   She wasn’t sure how to reach her husband.
 

*  *  *  *  *
 

Late Monday morning…
 

It had been quiet in the Q Bureau all morning.  Amanda kept busy working on the backlog of reports they needed to catch up on.  Printing out yet another report she sat at her desk and scrutinized it one last time before taking it down to Billy Melrose’s office.  Lee had errands to do before his appointment with the Agency psychiatrist so Amanda wasn’t expecting any interruptions for a while.

”Amanda, where’s Scarecrow?” Billy asked when he barged into the Q Bureau.

Startled by the intrusion, her eyes flew open wide and her face flushed.  Then, realizing it was only Billy she took a deep breath and tried to calm her frayed nerves.

“I’m sorry, Amanda,” he said in a gentle voice.  “I didn’t mean to frighten you.  I should have known better after all you’ve been through.”

“That’s all right, sir.  I was pretty absorbed in this report,” she whispered in a trembling voice, willing her body not to shudder.  Glancing down at her report for a few moments she collected her emotions before looking at her watch.  Finally she smiled up at her supervisor.   “Lee had an appointment with Dr. Pfaff this morning.  He’s probably still down there.”

“No, Pfaff called me a few minutes ago.  Apparently he didn’t show up.  According to Pfaff he cancelled Friday’s session as well.”

Frowning at the information she wasn’t sure what to tell her supervisor.  She had hoped after his nightmare last night he would reconsider talking with the Agency psychiatrist.  “I’ll mention it to him when he comes in, Sir,”

“Amanda, we both know he’s avoiding him, but he won’t be cleared to return to the field until Pfaff gives his authorization.”

“Sir, Lee’s aware of that.  He started cleaning out the garage yesterday; he probably lost track of time.”  Covering for him despite her reservations, part of her wanted to tell Billy the truth about his reoccurring nightmares, but she wouldn’t betray her husband’s confidence – not yet anyway.

Lee knew and understood the edict that until they both worked through the psychological issues from their last encounter with Addi Birol they’d be tied to desk jobs.  Amanda had been to see Dr. Pfaff regularly since their release; Lee had gone once – only after he’d been told he wouldn’t be allowed to go home until he talked with him.

“Amanda, how are you doing?” Billy asked in a sympathetic voice as he pulled up a chair and sat down.

Pondering the question before she answered she finally shrugged.  “I’m doing all right, I guess.  Dr. Pfaff tells me to take it a day at a time.”  She took a long cleansing breath and turned away from her supervisor, trying to suppress the feelings that at times seemed to overwhelm her.  A warm hand covered hers for a moment, and she smiled at her supervisor’s attempt to comfort her.

“It takes time, but I know you’ll get through this,” he encouraged.

Clearing her voice she choked past the tightness in her throat.  “I know, but at times it feels like it was only yesterday.”

“Maybe you need a little more time off?” he suggested.  “None of this is priority.  I think you’re pushing it coming back this soon.”

“Sir, my family doesn’t know what really happened.  Being at home trying to pretend everything is all right is too much for me to handle,” she quickly reminded him.  “At least here I feel like I’m getting something accomplished and people understand.”

“One day at a time then, Amanda.”  He patted her hand once again and stood up.  “And when Lee finally gets in tell him I want to see him – immediately.”

“Yes, sir, I will.”  She waited until she heard his footsteps fade away before picking up the phone and calling home.  Knowing that the longer Lee put off working through his encounter with Birol, the more difficult it would be.

“Damn it, Lee, pick up the phone.  You can’t avoid me forever.” Venting her emotions she slammed down the receiver in disgust when he didn’t answer.  Feeling as if she had no choice left but to confront him with her concerns about his behavior she grabbed her purse and left the office.

Since they’d been discharged and allowed to go home things had been tense.  Their conversations were no longer personal and comfortable but forced and aloof.  The gentle touch of his hand guiding her on the small of her back, something she used to take for granted, was a distant memory.   When their hands now touched, he’d pull away as if he’d been burned.  At bedtime, a brief and awkward kiss was the only attempt at intimacy.  Lee’s old habit of avoidance was becoming common.  Amanda knew she’d have to break through to him before he built a wall even she couldn’t penetrate.

Pulling into the driveway on Maplewood Drive, she immediately noticed his Corvette in front of the garage.  Breathing a sigh of relief she hurried to the front door hoping he had been out in the garage cleaning when she’d called.  Just as she put the key in the lock and opened the door a taxi pulled up in front of the house and honked its horn.

“Lee!” she shouted as she rushed in and almost plowed him over.

“Amanda, what are you doing home?”

From his expression she knew he was surprised to see her home in the middle of the day.  Her eyes immediately locked on the suitcase in his hand and a guilty look on his face.  A hundred questions flashed through her mind as she stood in front of her husband.

“Where are you going?” she asked accusingly.

“I um, I… ah, really can’t say…  Ah, um, it’s need to know…” he stammered uncomfortably as he looked away.

Shaking her head, she knew he was lying.  She pushed the door behind her closed and leaned against it for support as her legs suddenly felt like rubber.  “Where are you going?” she asked again, this time it was less a question and more of a demand.

“I can’t say,” he answered and nodded towards the door.  “The taxi’s waiting for me.”

“Let him wait,” she snapped tersely as she reached for the suitcase.  “Now answer me; where are you going?”

“On assignment,” he lied, still not able to look her in the eye and pulling the suitcase from her grasp.  He nudged her from the door and reached for the knob.  “It’s need to know.”

Reaching for his hand, she gripped it tightly.  “Lee, I’m no fool.  You’re not ready for fieldwork.  You know it, I know it and Billy knows it.  Let’s drop the pretense and tell me what the hell is going on?”

He glanced out at the waiting taxi, but no explanation was forthcoming.

“Let’s sit down and talk,” she pleaded, trying to stay calm, but her heart was racing fast, demonstrating to her that she had already lost control.

The taxi honked the horn again.  Lee pulled on the door forcefully and opened it.

“I can’t,” he choked out shaking his head.  His eyes were red and glassy as if he had been crying.  “I’m really… sorry.  I wish I could, but I can’t do this your way.  I have to do this… my way.”   His voice was cracking when he finished.

Amanda’s body began to tremble.  Opening her mouth she was at a loss for words.  Trying to wet her now parched lips with her tongue, her mouth was dry as cotton.  “Please don’t go,” she finally managed to force out hoarsely as tears spilled from her eyes.

He looked away.  “I have to…”

Reaching out for his arm, Lee slid past her.  Her hopes of stopping him were quickly dashed when he snapped it away.  “Lee, please,” she cried, but her plea went on deaf ears.

He hurried down the steps and out the gate without another word.  Leaping into the taxi he never turned back to look at her standing there.  Instead it only sped down the street and her world continued to fall apart.
 

End Part Three
 
 
 
 
 

FLASHBACK:   Part Four
 

Tuesday morning
 

Francine pulled up in front of the house at 4247 Maplewood Drive.  After noticing Amanda’s loaner car was in the driveway she walked up to the front door and knocked on it.  Hearing somebody coming to the door she was relieved they were home.  Moments later Mrs. West opened it.

“Can I help you?” Dotty West asked politely.

Putting a friendly smile on her face she greeted Amanda’s mother.  “Hello, Mrs. West, I’m Francine Desmond.  I work with Lee and Amanda.  I really need to speak with them.”

“Yes, I think we’ve met before.  I’m sorry though, Lee’s not here,” Dotty began to explain.  “And Amanda’s not feeling well this morning.  I’ll let her know you stopped by.”

Grabbing the door before she could close it, Francine shook her head.  “Mrs. West, I’m sorry to hear that Amanda’s not feeling well, but I have to talk to her right away.  It’s urgent.”

Dotty frowned and reluctantly let her in.  “Amanda, you have a visitor,” she called up the stairs to her daughter.

There was no response from Amanda.  “She might be sleeping.  I’ll go up and check.”

Nodding to Dotty, she watched as the older woman went up the stairs and disappeared into a room.  While she was alone, Francine took the opportunity and swiftly explored the downstairs to assess if there were a problem, but there weren’t any signs of trouble in the house.  Everything seemed to be as life in the suburbs was supposed to be ‘ordinary’.

Returning to the foyer, she waited with a pleasant smile painted on her face.  It seemed like an eternity before Dotty finally returned, alone.

“Where’s Amanda?” Francine asked in alarm, worrying that she’d been kidnapped again.

“She’ll be down in a couple minutes.  Would you like to come in and sit down?  I could get you some coffee.”

Francine glanced up the stairs impatiently. “No, thank you.  I’ll wait here, if you don’t mind.”

“I’ll be in the kitchen if you change your mind.”

Francine smiled politely and finally Dotty disappeared out of sight.  Standing at the base of the stairs waiting impatiently she glanced at her watch.  Half tempted to climb the stairs, she called out to her.  “Amanda, hurry up!”

A few minutes later there was still no Amanda.  Impetuosity won out and she ultimately rushed up the stairs.  Knocking on the door she had watched Dotty slip into earlier she called out.  “Amanda Stetson, open the door or I’m coming in.”

The knob finally turned and the door opened slowly.  Amanda, half hidden by the door was wrapped in her bathrobe, her hair disheveled; she wore no makeup and the bed was unmade.  She clutched tightly at her robe, but Francine could see the faded black and blues on her neck where she was probably choked and the scabs on her wrist from the restraints Birol had used.  Francine wondered what else had happened to Amanda that wasn’t visible.

“I would have been down in a while,” Amanda explained in a shaky voice as she gripped her robe to her protectively.

“Why didn’t you call in this morning if you’re sick?  You missed your scheduled appointment with Pfaff.  Pfaff called Billy.  Billy called me.  I tried calling you but the line has been busy or off the hook.  He’s frantic thinking something happened to you and Lee again,” Francine began to lecture.

“My mother must have been using it.  I was trying to get a little sleep once the boys left for school.  I’ve got a terrible headache.”

“Considering what happened last week, you should have called in.”

“I’m sorry, Francine, but I’m still not myself.”

Studying her colleague’s appearance she couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under her eyes.  However, it bothered her that Amanda wouldn’t make direct eye contact.  “Where’s Lee?  He missed his appointment with Pfaff yesterday and still hasn’t rescheduled it.  Billy wants to see him this morning – no excuses.”

“He’s not home.”

“Where is he?”

“Out.”

“Out where?” she pressed, her patience wearing thin.

Amanda shrugged, but didn’t answer.

Francine noticed Amanda’s eyes were starting to get glassy and she looked away.  She could tell from the way she was acting that something was wrong, terribly wrong.  “Billy ordered me to escort Lee to the office.  I’m not leaving until you tell me where he is.  Amanda, Billy’s really concerned about the two of you.  He thought that something had happened again.”

There was a long uncomfortable silence in the room.  Francine stared at Amanda waiting for an explanation.  Her gut told her there was more to the story than just a sleepless night or a headache.  Apparently Amanda’s emotional scars were deeper than the fading visual reminders of her recent ordeal.

“I’ll call Billy and apologize.”

Francine nodded, but then asked again.  “When will Lee be back?”

“I don’t know,” she bit back angrily.

“Enough of the games, Amanda, where’s Lee?” Francine snapped, tired of the runaround.  “He still hasn’t rescheduled his last appointment with Pfaff.  Billy’s ready to suspend him.  Now he might wait until tomorrow to talk to you, but he was very clear that Lee Stetson is to be in his office this morning.  Now for the last time, where is he?”

“I don’t know where he is,” Amanda snapped, but this time her voice was trembling.

The two women’s eyes met briefly before Amanda turned away but Francine saw the anguish in them.  Changing her tone Francine asked in a soft voice, hoping to cajole her to confide.  “Amanda, I’m not the enemy.  I know it’s been a tough couple of weeks for both of you.  I’m only here to help.  Billy wants to see Lee today - as in this morning.  You’ve got to quit covering for him and tell me where he is.”

“You’re not listening to me, Francine!  I really don’t know.”

“Damn it, Amanda.  I’m a trained agent.  I know you’re hiding something and I’m not leaving until I find out what.  Either that or you’re going to get dressed and come back to the office with me and explain it to Billy in person.  Why don’t you save us both the aggravation and tell me where your husband is?”

Amanda’s tears began to flow.  She collapsed down on the bed, her legs unable to support her weight any longer.

Closing the bedroom door behind her to give them privacy, Francine sat down on the bed next to her, feeling awkward.  It was several minutes before Amanda’s crying ceased.

“Lee left me.  You were right all along, Francine,” Amanda choked out, still half out of breath from her crying binge.  “I have no idea where he went.  I should have known, but I didn’t listen.  You told me sooner or later he’d walk out.”

“Amanda, he didn’t?” Francine gasped out, totally shocked by her admission.  “I don’t believe it.”

Grabbing a tissue from her nightstand she blew her nose.  “Well it’s true.”

Francine shook her head and stood up and started to pace the room.  “What the hell was he thinking?”

Amanda wiped her eyes with another tissue.  “I don’t know.  I came home yesterday after Billy told me Lee missed his appointment with Pfaff to talk to him.  There was a taxi out front honking the horn and Lee was at the door with his suitcase.  He wouldn’t talk to me.  He just said he had to go.  I haven’t seen or heard from him since.”

“He’ll be back before you know it,” Francine volunteered, trying to lift Amanda’s spirits and be positive.

“You don’t know that,” she answered as she glanced down at herself.  “Damn it, Francine, look at me.  I’m a mess.  No wonder he left.”

“Amanda Stetson, you survived being kidnapped and tortured by one of the world’s most notorious terrorist, not once, but twice.  The fact that you survived the first incident with Birol astounded me.  The fact you came back to the Agency the second time impressed the hell out of me and I’m not ashamed to admit it.  If the rolls were reversed I’m not sure I could have done that.”

“You would have, Francine.”

“I’m glad we’ll never have to find out,” she answered and put a comforting hand on Amanda’s shoulder.  “I’ll tell Billy what’s going on, but you should really meet with Pfaff and work this through.”

“Francine, I can’t,” Amanda insisted as she looked up at Francine.  “Please don’t tell anyone about Lee,” she begged.  “I don’t think I could handle that right now.  I haven’t even told my family he left.  I told them he was sent on an assignment.  That’s why I’m hiding out in my bedroom pretending to have a headache…”

“I’ve got to tell Billy the truth.”

Amanda looked away, but didn’t answer.

“Try to get a little sleep.  I’ll talk to Billy,” Francine said quietly as she went to the bedroom door to leave.

“That’s half the problem,” Amanda answered in a defeated voice.  “I’m terrified to go to sleep.”

“You’re afraid you’ll miss Lee’s call?” she surmised.

Amanda shook her head.  “When I close my eyes, I see Birol’s face.  When I fall asleep he’s got me again, but this time I’m alone,” she took in a short breath and tried to stifle a sob.  “I am all alone…”

“Amanda, Birol’s dead.  He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“Yes he can,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

Francine knew she was right.  It was obvious that even in death Birol still had a hold on both her and Lee.  “Talk to Pfaff.  At the very least he can give you something to help you get through this rough patch.”

Wiping her eyes with a tissue she nodded.  “I’ll think about it.”

“Lee will be back soon.  I was wrong about you and Lee,” Francine reminded her fellow agent as she stood up, went to the door, opened it up and prepared to leave.  “He loves you and he needs you.”

“I need him, too.”

Francine looked at Amanda and shook her head at how fragile she appeared.  She wondered to herself how a woman who survived Addi Birol could now give up so easily.  Bracing herself for a possible backlash from the distraught agent she decided to confront her.  “Then why don’t you find him?”

Amanda stared at her and snapped.  “I don’t know where to look.”

“I’ve never seen you give up like this before,” she replied shaking her head in surprise.  “I never thought you were a quitter.”

“Do you have any idea what I’ve been through the last ten days?” Amanda bit back.

Francine closed the door once again glad to see Amanda fight back.  “I haven’t read the debriefings.  Billy’s locked them down tight, but yes, I do have an idea what happened.  In my opinion there are two ways you can handle this.   You can lock yourself up in your bedroom and wallow in self pity or you can go out and find your husband.”

“That’s easy for you to say, Francine,” Amanda challenged; a new fierceness showing in her swollen red eyes.

Francine noticed the change and decided to press on.  “Use the skills that Lee and the Agency have taught you over the years, Amanda.  It’s got to be better than sitting in your room making yourself miserable.  You love Lee and he loves you.  Get yourself in gear and get to work finding him.”

“I’m afraid,” she whispered, the momentary fire in her eyes now fading.

“Of what?”

Amanda turned away.

“Amanda, God knows I never thought you and Lee would have been compatible enough to marry, but I was wrong.  I admit it.  Right now though, you’re letting your insecurities eat you alive.  Lee’s running.  We both know he’s never been good at dealing with his emotions.  I tried to talk to him last week, but he refused to even discuss any of it.”

“He’s shut down on me completely,” Amanda confided.

“You’ve reached him before.  You’re probably the only one who can do it this time.  Don’t sit around and wait for him to come back.  You might not be able to get through to him if you do.”

Amanda glanced over at Francine. Their eyes met and they made direct eye contact.  In a timid voice but a determined look on her face she answered.  “Maybe you’re right.”

“I know I am.  I’ll talk to Billy.  I can buy you a little time, Amanda, but he won’t wait forever.  He expects Lee on Pfaff’s couch soon or he’ll suspend him,” Francine warned and then looked at her watch.  Opening the door once more she smiled.  “I better get back or Billy will be sending someone to look for me.  Is there anything I can do for you?”

“No, Francine, you’ve already done enough,” Amanda commented as she got up and stood at the door next to her.

“You’ll find him, Amanda, and you’ll work things out.”  With that said Francine gave Amanda a quick hug and hurried out of the bedroom, down the stairs and out the front door hoping that she’d done the right thing.
 

End Part Four
 
 
 
 

Flashback:  Part Five
 
 

Wednesday night
 

Lee Stetson lay on the bed staring at the ceiling.  An empty bottle of Chivas Regal sat on the nightstand next to his wallet.  Despite ingesting some rather expensive Scotch, his haunting nightmares continued to consume him.  In a futile attempt to keep from falling back to sleep he had the television blaring and the curtains open, which allowed the blinking neon lights to permeate his room.  Unfortunately, neither the noise from the irritating commercial nor the flashing lights from the street outside could keep his mind off the incident he wanted to forget the most – being kidnapped and tortured by Addi Birol…
 

“You should have slit my throat when you had your chance,” the voice mocked from nearby.

Lee Stetson gradually awoke recognizing, but not being able to place the familiar voice.  Trying to move his arms, he winced in pain.   Turning his head he realized his hands were handcuffed behind him.  The feeling of cold metal tightly fitting on his wrists was unforgettable.  Trying to stand, he teetered precariously when he realized that his legs were also shackled to a chair.

“You’re not going anywhere, Scarecrow,” the voice taunted.

Squinting, he tried to make sense of what he saw in front of him, but something was wrong.  What happened? They’d gone out to dinner.   Amanda wore that exquisite red dress, the rain, the flooding, the detour – the accident.  He remembered that their car was run off the road, but then what?

Blinking and shaking his head, he tried to wake himself from the dream.  He was just confused; he must have a concussion.  Wouldn’t they have taken him to a hospital?   God he hated hospitals, but this delusion was rather menacing.  However, as his vision became clearer he grasped it wasn’t a hospital or even a bad dream.  It was his worse nightmare, come true.

“Where’s Amanda?” he demanded once he realized who the man across the room was.

“You mean the harlot in the red dress who paraded herself around the restaurant like a strumpet?”  The terrorist smirked and raised his eyebrows. “She’s getting rather comfortable on my bed.”

“You bastard, if you touch her…” he struggled to free himself as a searing pain shot through his shoulder.

“You’ll do what?” Birol laughed a sickening laugh.

“You son of a bi …” he began to shout.

Birol shoved a putrid handkerchief into his mouth, stifling him from shouting.  Lee choked on it at first as the end dangled towards the back of his throat and then he gagged on it.

“Settle down, Scarecrow.  You’re not going anywhere,” Birol boasted.

Lee continued to struggle.  That’s when the first blow came to the left side of his face, then an upper cut to his jaw.  His head bobbed like an apple and throbbed worse than it had a few moments before.

Gasping for breath as his eyes watered, he nearly vomited before Lee finally controlled his breathing.  The dizziness had returned, his vision blurred and it felt like his lip was bleeding from the blows, but he knew this was no hallucination.  Struggling against the handcuffs did nothing to free him.

“I’m surprised at you, Scarecrow, wasting all your energy this early in our visit.  You’d be smart to save your strength.  You really should have killed me when you had your chance.  Excuse me now, I have a rendezvous with a woman in red …” Birol taunted before he walked out of the room leaving Lee Stetson alone, bound and gagged with little hope of escaping his tormentor...
 

“Go to hell!” Lee shouted as he bolted up in bed, once again bathed in sweat.  Glancing around the room he realized it was another vivid flashback.  Getting off the bed he went into the bathroom and splashed water onto his face.  Glancing at the mirror he shuddered at the reflection that gazed back at him.  Gone was the handsome, confident agent he once was.   Instead he saw a weary, withered man who was such a coward he abandoned his wife at a time she needed him most.

Unable to stomach his own image he went back in search of his bottle of scotch.  Viewing the empty bottle from across the room he felt defenseless.  He stumbled to the bed.  Had he really drunk the whole bottle?  Suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the close space, Lee grabbed his wallet and staggered, rather numb and drunk out the door.
 

***
 

Later that night
 

It was almost midnight when Amanda Stetson arrived at the hotel and glanced around.  Caesar’s Palace Hotel and Casino was quite an impressive complex.  The first floor was enormous and expansive with tiny boutiques and shops.  The décor was elaborate and the atmosphere rushed with excitement even at this late hour.  The hectic energy was oddly comforting, allowing her to be anonymous in the throngs of people who clambered about.  Suddenly she had a slight understanding as to why her husband had escaped here.

Following the bellman to the front desk, the clerk looked up and greeted her.  “May I help you?”

Glancing around nervously, suddenly she wasn’t sure her ruse would work.  Then determination took hold.  “Yes, I’m Mrs. Stetson.  My husband, Lee Stetson, checked in yesterday.  He’s expecting me, but I never anticipated arriving this late.  I didn’t think I’d ever get here!”

“Welcome, Mrs. Stetson,” the clerk offered politely while accessing his computer.  Moments later he handed a key over to the bellman.  “I hope you’ll enjoy your stay.  The bellman will take you to your room.”

“Thank you,” she smiled with relief and followed the bellman to the elevator.   The elevator whisked them effortlessly to her floor and before she realized they were standing at the door to the room.   Amanda had a moment of panic as she suddenly wondered what she might find.

“After you, Ma’am.”  The bellman opened the door gallantly suggesting she go in first and followed her into the room.

Walking in the room she immediately turned down the volume on the television set.  The bright lights from ‘The Strip’ illuminated the room, no other lights were needed.  The room itself was unoccupied at the moment.

“Would you like the curtains closed?” he asked.

“No, I think I’ll leave them open for now,” she answered giving him a tip; he gave her the room key and politely left her alone.

Wandering towards the window at the colorful lights on ‘The Strip’ Amanda watched them blink, flash and chase each other in assorted colors without any special cadence.  Finding herself becoming peculiarly mesmerized by them, she finally turned away and pulled the curtains closed.  Walking over to the lamp by the bed she turned it on and inspected the room.  It was hard to miss the empty bottle of scotch.  The odor nauseated her.  The bed had yet to be slept in, but the covers were wrinkled.  The room itself was relatively tidy other than Lee’s suitcase and now her own.

“Are you in the bar, Lee?” she presumed as she deposited the empty bottle into the trash then sat down on the bed all alone in his room.  Part of her wanted nothing more than to get a little sleep, but she knew she was too hyper despite the time zone change and the late hour.

Getting back up and opening her suitcase, she grabbed her makeup bag, went into the bathroom and freshened up.  Putting the room key in her purse she decided to go back downstairs and search for her husband, unsure of the reception she’d receive, if and when she found him.

Returning to the main floor of the hotel, she wasn’t sure where to search first.  Since the bottle of scotch was empty, she decided to start in the bar that she’d noticed when she arrived.  It was crowded and noisy.  The smoke was very thick in the air, visible like fog.  Scanning the people at the bar and the tables as she tried to casually stroll through the room was difficult given the crowd.  Working her way to the far side of the bar she didn’t see Lee anywhere.  Taking a different route to leave, she saw a tall slender man with his back to her, hunched over his drink.  Detouring through the crowd she made her way over to him.

“Lee…” she called out, but the drunken man who glanced up at her was not her husband.  “I’m sorry; I thought you were someone else.”

Hurrying out of the bar, her throat was now scratchy from the smoke. Taking several deep breaths when she reached the mall area to clear her head, she glanced around.  Captivated by the vast size of the hotel, her eyes drifted around trying to take it all in.  The first level was more like a city and she didn’t know where to go next to find her husband.  Amanda gawked at the ritzy opulence as she wandered about.  Finally she was drawn into the casinos by the intriguing sights and sounds.

Walking past the slot machines, their bells were ringing and clinking out coins in a frantic pace as their lights blinked.  Amanda was pretty certain Lee wouldn’t be sitting in front of a one armed bandit.  He’d more likely be at one of the tables playing blackjack or craps.  Plowing her way through the vast rows of slot machines towards the gaming tables she passed a roulette wheel and the crowd of people cheering it on.  The blackjack tables were more subdued and the crowd was thinner, but she didn’t see Lee.

Overwhelmed at the enormous size of the casino, she wanted to go back to his room, but she pressed on.  As she neared the craps table the crowd was livelier.  Several tables away she thought she noticed a familiar face - a tall man flanked by two women.  She swallowed hard when she got closer when she realized it definitely was Lee.  On one side of him was a blonde in a skimpy dress, her hands pawing her husband with sparkling gold fingernails which matched her shimmering gold dress.  Sidling close on the other side of Lee, a redhead was clinging to him in a hideously low cut black dress decorated with rhinestone studs and a large rhinestone necklace which fell in between her ample breasts which were barely covered by the scant dress.  She was whispering something into his ear.

The closer Amanda got to them the angrier she became.  Pushing into the vibrant crowd she watched as Lee played with his chips on the table.  The two women were cheering him on.  As she got closer to Lee she could hear the exchange.

“Oh, Lee, baby, let’s cash out and party,” the blonde suggested in a sultry voice as her gold fingernails danced gawkily on Lee’s chest.

“Yeah, sexy, you’ve won a bundle.  Let’s go somewhere a little more comfortable,” the redhead purred, rubbing her hands down his backside.

He didn’t have a chance to answer as Amanda pulled Lee away from them both.  “Come on, Lee, time to go,” she insisted in a firm voice, trying to conceal her anger.

“Get lost, lady.  This guy’s ours,” the blonde complained.  “Just who do you think you are?”

“Mrs. Lee!” Amanda answered determinedly as she stood inches from the blonde, staring down at her venomously.

The blonde quickly detached her claws from Lee and vanished.  The redhead disappeared into the crowd as well.

“Aah-maan-dah!” Lee slurred; his eyes bloodshot and his head bobbing and rolling.  “I’m not done playing yet.”

“Yes, you are.  I think you ought to take your new friends’ advice and cash out.”  She grabbed him firmly by the arm and tried to pull him from the table.   “Come on, Lee, time for coffee.”

“I’m not drinking coffee,” he answered, pausing long enough to reach for his chips on the craps table.  “I’m drinking scotch.”

“You were drinking scotch.  Now it’s time for a lot of coffee.”

“No sugar.  I hate sugar,” he reminded her as he tripped, falling to the floor and dropping his chips.

“Yes, Lee, I know,” Amanda answered patiently as she bent down to help him up.

He was more intent on picking up his chips and stuffing them in his pockets.  In his drunken state it took him forever to pick them off the carpeting.  Once more Amanda tugged on his arm and navigated through the casino, finally reaching the elevator.

“Where are we going?” he slurred as he leaned heavily on his wife for support.

The elevator door opened and Amanda walked in and Lee stumbled grabbing the wall to prevent him from falling.  The motion of the elevator caused Lee to lose his balance again and he grabbed onto her to keep him on his feet.  “Back to your room to sober you up,” she answered.

“I only had a couple of drinks in the casino,” he offered as the elevator door opened up to their floor.

“It was probably the bottle you downed in your room before you went to the casino,” she observed while supporting his weight as they walked down the hallway to their room.  He’d become very unsteady on his feet and they were walking the hall in a zigzag pattern.  Propping him up against the wall she got out the key and opened the door.  “OK, Lee, let’s get you off your feet before you pass out.”

With her remaining strength she managed to guide him to the bed.  Unable to turn the bed down before he’d collapse upon it, she shrugged.  It appeared he was out for the count.

End Part Five
 
 
 

Flashback:  Part Six
 

Thursday morning…
 

“No…you bastard… NOOOOOOOO,” Lee thrashed and screamed, throwing punches into the air at an invisible enemy.

“Lee, Lee, sweetheart, wake up.” Amanda came out of the bathroom and dodging his punches, shook him until he woke up.  “You’re having another nightmare.”

His eyes darted around the room as he gasped for air.  Finally his eyes locked on his wife.  “Amanda?  Wh... where are we?”

“Las Vegas.  Are you all right?”

Slowly he got his breathing under control, but then his head started to pound from all his drinking the night before.  Groaning he nodded, but then asked.  “When did you get here?”

“Late last night.  You don’t remember?”

He paused for a moment trying to recall what had happened, but his head was throbbing too hard.

“I found you in the casino with a blonde and a redhead,” she reminded him with a raised eyebrow.

“I was winning at the craps table and they latched on.”

“You remember them, but not me?” she questioned.

Focusing on his wife’s face, he couldn’t tell if she was angry or hurt by his lapse of memory.   Holding his head in his hands he answered. “Everything's rather fuzzy right now, Amanda.  How did you find me?”

“If you wanted to disappear, you shouldn’t have used your credit cards.”

“You shouldn’t have come,” he warned, turning away from her.

“I’ll get you a cup of coffee,” she answered, ignoring his comment.

“You offered me coffee last night,” he recollected as he watched her disappear for a moment around the wall.  He continued to rub his throbbing temple, to no avail.  Pulling his legs up, he leaned his elbows on them and dropped his head.

Coming back into the room she handed him a hot cup of coffee.  “Yeah, but you passed out before I could get any into you.”

"Why is it that after a night of drinking everything tastes awful?" he asked after sipping at the hot beverage, grimacing at the bitter taste.  His mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton.   "It probably wouldn’t have helped much.  I finished off an entire bottle of Scotch by myself before I went down to the casino last night.”

Focusing on the empty bottle that sat in the garbage, she nodded.  “I know; I found the evidence.”

With one hand on his forehead and the other holding the coffee, he asked.  “What are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you the same thing.”

“I needed to get away…”

“You’re running away.  What you need to do is to talk to Pfaff.”  She sat down on the other bed.

“Amanda, please…”

“You’re still having nightmares.  They’re not going to go away by themselves, Lee.”

“I need time…”

“For what?  To build a wall around yourself so impenetrable even I won’t get through to you?” she yelled.

“Shhh, not so loud.  You don’t understand…” He wanted to explain, but how?  Putting his coffee down, he stood up on his weary legs.  Feeling both lost and trapped he knew he owed her an explanation, but where should he start? He walked towards the window, needing some space and distance from his wife.

“I do understand.  I was there.  I was in the other room the whole time.”

Lee started to choke up and his eyes filled with tears.  Pulling open the window curtains the room was flooded with daylight.  Squinting, his head pounded even more, yet he couldn’t turn around and look at her.  He’d let her down when she needed him most.  Staring out at the busy city below, he tried to push the brutal memories from his mind.

“Lee, we can get through this together, but you have to talk to me,” she suggested in a comforting tone.  Getting up from the bed, she went over to the window standing only inches from him before placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

He jumped and jerked away, putting his hands up in the air.  “Don’t,” he pleaded as he backed himself into the corner.

“Touch you?  Why the hell not?” she shouted, her eyes now filling up with tears.  “Lee, I need you.  I need your arms around me.  I want you to hold me.  Stop pushing me away.”

Glancing at her, he could see the pain he was causing her by not being able to reach out and hold her.  Leaning against the wall, his head continued to pound so badly he couldn’t think straight.  Never good at expressing himself in words, he was at a loss to explain to her how dreadful he felt now and how much he loathed himself.

“Lee, I really need you.  I need to know that everything’s going to be all right. I want you to hold me right now.”

Swallowing hard, he whispered to her.  “I can’t.  Not now after what’s happened…   I need to work things through – without you.”

“You keep saying that, but what’s going to change?”

“I can’t stand being in my own skin right now, Amanda.  How can you expect me to touch you?  The things I let him do to you.”

“You didn’t let him do anything to me.   There was nothing you could do.  Or do you blame me for the things he did to you?  The beatings, the drugs…”

“Of course not,” he answered.

“I know you were shackled in the other room.  Birol told me.  I heard when he hit you.  I heard when you pleaded for him to let me go.  I heard his sick laugh…”

“Stop!” he pleaded desperately, placing his hands over his ears.  “Stop.  Please…  Just go.”

“No!  You have to work through this.  We can do it together.  I want to help you…”

Staring out the window, now rubbing his throbbing temples, he mumbled almost silently.  “I don’t deserve your help.  I know what he did to you, Amanda.”

“You read my debriefing,” she surmised calmly.

For a few moments the room was engulfed in silence.  Shaking his head he answered.  “No, I know the real truth.  Birol told me… everything,” he choked out, his voice low and barely above a whisper, tears in his eyes.   His stomach turned at the thought and his hand covered his mouth, trying to prevent himself from getting sick.  Swallowing hard he added.  “He shared each horrid detail with me.”

Amanda’s eyes got wide and her mouth opened, but nothing came out.  Finally she forced out.  “Wh…what did Birol tell you?”

Lee turned away from the window and faced his wife, but he stared past her.  He was no longer in a hotel room in Las Vegas, but shackled in a room with a madman…
 
 

“You know who belongs to this dress,” Addi Birol arrogantly declared when he shuffled into the room.  In one hand, Amanda’s tattered red dress, in the other, a knife with her blood dripping from it.

Lee’s eyes flew open in panic and his heart started to race, he struggled against his chains futilely.  “You bastard, what have you done to her?”

“Relax, Scarecrow, she’s alive… for now.  She probably wishes she was dead…” Birol mocked with an evil grin as he stabbed the dress, ripping it once more before allowing it to tumble to the floor.  “She's a feisty wench, putting up a bit of a fuss, but it only made it more fun.  I had my way with her.”

Swallowing hard, Lee turned away.  The bile racing to his throat threatened to explode.

Birol came closer to Lee, turning his face with the bloody knife.  “Look at me!” he shouted as he allowed the knife's blade to penetrate the skin under Lee’s chin.  Birol laughed at him.  “You’re not as much fun as your wife, Scarecrow.”

“What do you want?  Why don’t you kill us and get it over with,” Lee pleaded as blood now dripped from his chin.

“In good time, I’m not done with either of you yet.   I might choose to pleasure myself with your whore again…”

“I’ll kill you…” Lee began to scream but Birol stuffed another gag into his mouth.
 
 

“Lee!” Amanda shouted, now only inches from his face.

“I’ll kill you…” Lee screamed as he raised his hand to hit Birol, but it wasn’t Birol standing in front of him.

Amanda grabbed his hand before it could hit her, clutching it with all her might.  “Lee, it’s me!  Birol’s dead.  We’re alive.  Don’t let him win.”

Lee focused on Amanda's face, realizing another flashback had gripped him and he'd almost struck his wife.  Tears were now streaming down his face and his knees buckled.  Leaning against the wall, he slowly collapsed to the floor where he sat in miserable silence.

“Lee, talk to me!  Let go of the pain.” Amanda knelt down with him, but still he didn’t answer.  “What did Birol tell you?”

“I’m sorry, Amanda.  I couldn’t stop him.  I wanted to kill him.  I wanted him to die.  I wanted to kill him with my bare hands.  He hurt you and every time a little more of me died inside.” Lee swallowed hard.  “Birol was right.  I should have killed him the first time he kidnapped you.  Then he wouldn’t have… “ he stared at the floor.  His face flushed.  Finally, he gasped out.  “I’m really… very… sorry.”

“Sorry for what, Lee?”

Lee was unable to look at his wife.   “For what he did to you,” he finally answered, devastated by his memories.  “I couldn’t stop him.  There was nothing I could do.”

“Did Birol tell you he raped me?”  She reached for his face, but he pulled away.  “Lee, look at me; I’m all right.  Birol lied.  He never…raped me.  He tried, Lee, but I stopped him.”

Not believing his wife, the tears continued to flow.

“Listen to me, Lee,” she shouted at him.  “Birol lied.  He wanted to hurt you in every way he could.  He knew that would be the worst thing he could do to you.”

Their eyes met for a moment.  Blinking, he tried to reconcile what she was telling him, but doubt mired his hopeless eyes.  “I know he forced you…  I saw your blood… on his knife…”

“Lee, Birol was lying!” she insisted in a steady voice.  “I kneed him in the groin.  You've got to believe me, Lee, please.  Listen to me now!  He used his knife to cut the straps of my dress off.  The knife cut the skin on my chest, he sneered in delight.  I got really mad.  He was hurting me.  I knew what he wanted.  I knew what he planned to do.  He climbed on the bed.  That’s when I kneed him in the groin.”

Lee focused on her voice.  It was angry, but composed.  Could she be telling him the truth?  Had Birol lied?  “He ripped off your dress…”

“Lee, I kneed him with all the strength I had.  He fell off the bed and writhed around on the floor for several minutes, gasping in pain before he could even crawl.    He couldn’t stand up for the longest time, but eventually he crept back onto the bed where he had me chained.  He was furious; he cursed at me in English, Arabic and a combination of the two.  You had to have heard him swearing at me.  Think, Lee!”

Lee sat there for a few moments and thought about what she said.  The muscles in his body slacken faintly.  Tilting his head to the side he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember.  However, the evil image of Birol was still too much for him to handle and he reopened his eyes swiftly.

Amanda continued.  “That’s when he cut the dress off me with his knife.  He sliced it right down the center and threatened me again.  He choked me,” she said hoarsely as she reached for her throat.  Her words now were soft, almost a whisper, “I thought he was going to kill me then.  Everything started to go black.  I couldn’t breathe and for a couple seconds…”

“When you were unconscious he could have…”

She shook her head.   Her voice was again steady, confident.  “No.  It was only a few seconds.  The next thing I realized, he was slapping and punching me.  This time I thought he was going to beat me to death, but without warning, he stopped.”

“He didn’t…?” he asked, beseeching her.

“No.  He got off the bed.  He yanked what was left of my dress, leaving me almost naked on the bed.  I curled up into a ball as best I could to protect myself from him.  He called me a whore and took the knife and tried to stab me with it.  I screamed really loud and he gagged me.  In his rage, he tied the gag so tight it was cutting my lips.  He said he’d cut my heart out.”  Her hand touched her side, just below her heart, rubbing it tenderly.  “Lucky for me, the blade hit my rib.  I started bleeding, and he snickered.  He could have killed me then, but he didn’t.  He left, Lee.  He never raped me.”  In a soft, unruffled voice, she answered.  “I’m not sure after I kneed him if he could have…”

Leaning his head against the wall, he calmed down.  The hopeless look began to fade.  “I tried…”

“Sweetheart, I know what he did to you.  He drugged you.  He beat you and lied to you.  Birol bragged to me every chance he got.  He planned to blow up the Agency.  He was going to park a car out front packed with explosives with the two of us inside.  He wanted us to die and for everyone to think of us as traitors.”

“But he never…” he still couldn’t’ say the word.

“No,” she answered adamantly.  “Read the debriefing.  Everything’s in there.  Dr. Kelford examined me.  He confirmed there was no sexual assault.  Birol beat me, he stabbed me, but he never raped me.  Billy got there before he could try again…”

Finally, he reached out to the woman only inches away from him and touched her face.  Her skin was soft, warm and most importantly - alive.  They were alive.  Whispering, he confessed.  “I hated myself.  When I looked at you I kept thinking about what he told me.  Birol told me things no man should hear about the woman he loves.”

Finally she moved over and sat next to him against the wall on the floor.  “I understand now, Lee, but believe me when I tell you they were all disgusting lies.  Birol wanted to hurt us, to drive us apart and to keep us apart.  Read my debriefing.  The truth is in there.  You need to know.”

“Billy put a lock out on them,” he reminded her.

“I’ll tell Billy to give you access.”

“Amanda, I’m not sure…” he hesitated.

Turning to face him, she explained.  “Lee, you need to know what’s fact and what’s fiction.  Birol fed you lies and drugged you.  I’m not lying to you.  Birol was brutal to me, but rape wasn’t among his many crimes.  When we get back to DC promise me you’ll read the report?”

He nodded.  His hoarse voice promised.  “I’ll read it.”

“And you’ll talk to Pfaff?”

“Amanda…”  Her silent stare persuaded him.  “All right.  I’ll even go talk to Pfaff.  Will you promise me one thing?”

“What’s that?”

“That you’ll give me time to work through everything?  I look at you and it’s hard to believe how quickly you’ve adjusted to what happened.”

“It’s more show than I’d like to admit, Lee.  I have to put on this face for mother and the boys.  At times, I’m falling apart.  I want to scream or cry or just spend the day in bed with the covers over my head…”

He nodded.  “You do understand.”

“Unfortunately, yes.  But Birol is dead and I want to keep him that way.  That’s why I keep talking to Pfaff.  That’s why you need to talk to him or we won’t make it through this, professionally and more importantly, personally.”

“I didn’t mean to shut you out…”

“It's not going to be easy, but we’ve got to work this thing through, Lee.  Together - no doubts between us and no lies…”

“I know.” Rubbing his throbbing temples again, he rested his head back against the wall.  Although emotionally he felt relieved, his head was still pounding furiously.

Hugging him she smiled.  “How about we continue our conversation a little later,” she suggested.  “For now, what do you say to a couple aspirins for that headache you’re sporting?”

Groaning he massaged the back of his neck a little.  “I’ll give it a try, but to be honest, I don’t think they’ll help.”
 

End Part Six
 
 
 
 
 

Flashback:  Part Seven
 

Monday afternoon…
 

Lee sat quietly in the Q Bureau with the door locked.  He realized that he was gripping his fists into tight balls and clenching his jaw in response to what he was reading.  The words he read were intense, stinging like daggers and he had to remind himself to breathe occasionally.  Being absorbed in the debriefing, he never heard the door open.

“Lee?” Amanda called out when she entered the room.  “I didn’t think anyone was in here.  The door was locked.”

Looking up, he answered in a guarded tone. “I didn’t want to be disturbed.”

“Are you all right?”

He nodded as he again noticed his hands were balled up in fists.  Relaxing them, he took a deep breath and answered.  “I was fulfilling a promise.”

She tilted her head to the side.  “Which promise was that?”

“I met with Billy this morning, before my appointment with Pfaff.  Since then I’ve been catching up on my classified reading.”

“You’ve been busy,” she answered, appearing slightly ill at ease.  She leaned on the side of her desk.

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room for a couple of moments.

“How did things go with Billy?”

Standing up, Lee crossed the room and locked the door to give them privacy.  “Billy’s concerned about me, about us,” he started to explain as his tall frame leaned against the door, his voice low, barely above a whisper.  “More about me, I think.  He kept reminding me that my partner was handling things better than I was.  He reiterated that I won’t be working in the field anytime soon, which at the moment is fine with me.”

“He didn’t suspend you, did he?” she worried.

“No.  I think he wanted to wring my neck when he found out I took off and went to Vegas.”

“I wasn’t too thrilled with you when I found out either.”

Taking several steps, he propped himself up on his wife’s desk next to where she was leaning and reached for her hand.  Holding it in his for a moment, he caressed it.  “You’ve been more than gracious about my behavior in the casino considering you found me with two women.”

Amanda pulled her hand out of his, folding her arms across her chest.  “I rationalized to myself that you were too drunk to know who was holding you up at the time.”

“I was pretty drunk, but I want to assure you, nothing happened.  They just slithered up to me once I started winning,” he explained as he glanced over at his wife’s face.

“Slithered is a good way to describe those two vipers,” she answered with a disapproving stare as she took a seat on her desk next to him.

“I owe you an apology for a lot of things the last few days.  Taking off without telling you where I was going or talking to you about how I felt.”

“Your leaving hurt me the most, Lee.  I understand why you did it now, but it still hurts.”

“I’m sorry.  I never meant to hurt you.  I hoped you’d understand I wasn’t leaving you.  I was running away, but I realize now what impression I left,” he remarked, hanging his head in shame.  “Pfaff is helping me work through all this.  You were right to insist I see him.  I spent two hours in his office today.  Somehow, the issues I didn’t think I could handle don’t seem quite as formidable now.”

“Promise me you’ll continue to see him?” she urged.

“I will.  I have another appointment set up with him tomorrow.  You know Billy, he made it sound like my job depended on it,” Lee joked, trying to lighten the mood, but he knew it wasn’t a joke.

“Your marriage depends upon it, too,” Amanda answered and from the serious look on her face, she meant it.

“I know it does and I won’t let you down again,” he answered, placing his hand on her thigh, half expecting her to remove it like a piece of lint.  Instead, she gave him a small smile.  Things between them had improved slightly since his epiphany in the hotel room, following his meltdown, but they still had a long way to go.

“You read my debriefing?” she asked, nodding towards his computer.

“Yeah, Billy didn’t want to give me access to it, but he said you insisted and he relented.  I was just finishing it when you came in.”  Tears filled his eyes once more and he rubbed his hand across his face.  His voice was unsteady, but he remarked. “I don’t know how you survived everything.”

“The same way you survived in the other room.  The best way to defeat your opponent is to never give in and never give up.  It was killing Birol that he couldn’t break either of us.  He underestimated the power of love.  No, maybe he didn’t underestimate it; my guess is he never knew how to love.”

Lee nodded.  She was right.  He made it through those dark hours because he knew she was in the other room.  “He knew how to hate, Amanda.  He was brought up to hate.  He detested the freedoms we take for granted.”

“We may take a lot of things for granted, but try to take our freedoms away from us and we’ll fight to the death,” Amanda added.  “Birol never figured it out.”

“It led to his downfall,” he concurred.

“And his death.”

Reaching for her hand once more he took it in his.  His thumb gently stroked her palm.  The contact, far from intimate, had a soothing effect.  Despite the damage Birol had done to their psyches, the harm was beginning to fade and perhaps now they were on the right path.

“You were right to insist that I read your debriefing.  It was hard at times, but Birol’s lies and embellishment were far worse than the reality, despite how brutal he was.”

“Lee, can I ask you something?” she asked, not looking him in the eye, but staring at their hands which were still entwined.

“Anything.”

Shifting her eyes to his, she asked him point blank.  “Would it have mattered if Birol had raped me?”

Taking a long deep breath, Lee’s grip on her hand faded, his eyes broke contact with hers and he slid off the desk.  Walking over to the window, he stared out at the street below before finally turning towards her.  She was still sitting on her desk staring at him, waiting patiently for a response.

“I wish I could say it wouldn’t have, but honestly, I don’t know,” he shrugged, knowing that wasn’t much of an answer.  “I guess that’s not the answer you want to hear, but it’s the truth.”

Amanda pushed off her desk, opened the drawer and reached for her purse.  “I better get out of here.  I’ve got to pick up the boys or the coach will have to drive them home from practice.”

Lee could tell from her face that she was upset. “Amanda, wait,” crossing the room quickly, Lee grabbed the locked door before she could open it.

“Lee, I appreciate your honesty, but I guess I don’t understand.”

Closing his eyes, he wasn’t sure he could explain it to her.  “I’m not sure I understand it myself.  Maybe after I work things through with Pfaff I can give you an honest answer.”

“I think you already did.”

“Maybe I did,” he answered with a shrug before he reached out for her hands.  The simple act of touching her and holding her hands was comforting, unlike just a few days before when they were in Vegas and he couldn’t bear her touch.  “When we were in Las Vegas, I made several promises to you.”

“And you’ve kept every one of them,” she noted, but with distance in her voice.

“I only asked one of you, Amanda.  I asked you to be patient with me; to give me time.  You’ve known me for a long time and you know how the agent in me operates.  Anything that gets close to me, tangles with my emotions, I run from.  I put a big fence up and a sign with large red letters – ‘No trespassing’,” he reminded her.  You’ve never liked that fence.  You tore it down piece by piece.”

“But you’ve put it back up.”

“I didn’t do it alone, Amanda,” he insisted, hoping that she’d understand.  “Birol helped rebuild that fence.  It’s going to take a lot of work to bring it down.  It was my survival mechanism for years.  It helped me survive Birol’s lies.  It’s hard to change what has worked in the past.”

She smiled at him.  “I’ll give you the time you need, Lee.  I’ll help you bring the wall down again – once and for all, if you’d let me.”

He pulled her into his arms.  The feeling was again a pleasant one.  “I love you,” he whispered in her ear.

Instead of pulling him closer, she pushed away from him, but grinned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, perplexed at her action.   Why was she pushing him away yet smiling?

“That’s the first time you told me you loved me since this whole nightmare began.”

“No…” he shook his head in doubt.

Amanda raised an eyebrow and nodded.  “Trust me.  I’ve been waiting to hear those three little words for what seems like an eternity.”

“I didn’t realize…”

“It’s OK, Lee.  It came from your heart.  That’s how it had to be,” she answered, her voice filled with emotions and eyes brimming with tears.  “It was worth the wait.  I’ll keep my promise to you as long as you keep yours.  I’ll give you all the time you need to work things through.  I just wish you’d let me help you.”

“Amanda, you’ve done the most to help me.  You have for a long while.”

“I’m your wife.  I’m supposed to be there for you,” she reminded him.

He shook his head and smiled.  “Most wives wouldn’t have done what you did for me.  It was you who rescued me from myself when I went to Vegas to escape.   You didn’t have to.  Billy would have gladly sent Francine to stuff my ass back on a plane if you’d told him where I was.”

“I didn’t want Billy to know how bad a shape you were in,” she admitted.

“That’s exactly what I mean.  You look out for me even when I don’t care anymore.  I can only imagine how much I hurt you when you saw me with those two women coddling up beside me at a craps table, but you didn’t cause a commotion, you turned the other cheek.”

“I would have if they hadn’t left when I told them who I was.  I was extremely angry at the time, but you were really drunk.  I had my hands full just getting you back to your room.”

“And that’s the other thing.  You could have left me there, passed out on my bed, but you stayed by my side and poured coffee down my throat until I sobered up.   Then you accompanied me on the plane, back to Virginia and welcomed me home like nothing happened.  You’ve helped me despite myself.  For that alone I can never thank you enough.  You’re one remarkable woman, Amanda Stetson.”

Instinctively, Lee leaned over and kissed her lips.  It wasn’t a passionate kiss, but it was more than the quick good night kisses that he’d been affording her the last week.  He opened his eyes as he pulled away.

A beautiful smile appeared on her face.

“Let me guess, I haven’t kissed you much either.”

She kissed him back and gently rubbed her lipstick off the corner of his lip with her finger.  “No, you haven’t,” she answered in a caring voice.

Looking away, his body suddenly stiffened.  Running a hand through his hair, he shuffled from one foot to the other.

“Is something wrong?” she pressed.

Shaking his head, he realized another important issue in his life - their lives.  Finally, he answered; his voice considerably unsure of himself.  “We haven’t, um… made love since all this happened either, have we?”

Shrugging silently, she didn’t answer.

Feeling out of sorts, he wasn’t sure what to say.  Despite the honest discussion they were having, he knew with everything that had happened, the kidnapping and beatings, Birol’s lies, that making love was a step he wasn’t ready for - yet.  “We will, you know - soon.  I promise things will get better, Amanda.”

“I know they will, sweetheart.  I promised I’ll be patient with you.  I remember how patient you were with me.”

His face brightened at the memory.  “That was different.”

“Was it?” she challenged, raising her eyebrow at the idea.  “We just have to take it a day at a time for now.”

“Sounds like good advice.”

“I’d better get out of here.  I need to pick up my car.  They called earlier and said the repairs were finally finished.  I should still have enough time to pick up our dry cleaning before they close and get to the field before practice is over or Coach Cramer will have to drive the boys again.  He’s been doing that a lot lately and I don’t want the courtesy to become an obligation.”

“How about you let me get the car and pick up the boys?” Lee suggested.

“You don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” he answered, reaching into his pocket for the keys to his Corvette. “I just need to log off my computer.  You can pick up the dry cleaning and we’ll meet you at home.”

“I love you,” she said as they traded car keys.

“I love you, too, Mrs. Stetson.”
 

End Part Seven

Go to:  Next section