* Precious Roy graphic and splat sound...followed by cheesykeyboard loop*
Olly: You know, it's like the 11th commandment Sifl...
Sifl: What in the hell are you talking about?
Olly: It's as plain as the nose on your face, comrade. *Sifl does that Kermit the Frog grimace*
Olly: THOU SHALT PIMP! It's as true today as it was when theVikings discovered America. And, as Leif Ericson was fond on saying, "Asit is in the real world, so shall it be in Online world, by Odin." But,Olly, you say, I can't get my mack on Online...I can't get no digital play.
Sifl: Well you know the problems I've had gettin' my mack ononline and gettin' digital play.
Olly: Sifl, my friend of friends, you've had some serious "gettin' my mackon online and gettin' digital play" problems.
Sifl: You said it, supasized one.
Olly: The source of the problems eludes you, doesn't viewer? Showers don't aid Online Mackin'...it's ain't the spare tire around yourwaste...it's not the lack of home training...it's not your lack of Rolex...A ROLEX IS AS GOOD AS A CASIO IN THE CHAT ROOM! It's a socioeconomic fact. But, fear not...do not despair...do not rend the flesh of your father's oxen...Precious Roy, like a god from the machine, is here to salvage your sorry Internet Love Life. Most people don't realize that the secret to Online Mackin' lies in the Keyboard. Don't buy those Mouse Extender Pumps...unless you like throwin' your money in the river! What do the ladies want, Sifl?
Sifl: Um...Well...they don't want you...
Olly: I'm not the issue, Sifl...PROJECTION....let's keep this on Online Mackin'. What do the fly skimmies in the real world want?
Sifl: Um...respect?
Olly: That's right, Sifl...a man with a fly ride. And, Online,your ride is your keyboard. And the SPACE BAR IS THE CADILLAC OF THE KEYBOARD.
Sifl: If you say so...
Olly: Bill Gates cannot be wrong! Even with that haircut, he has to beat the ladies off with a motherboard.
Sifl: Maybe cuz he has like 50 zillion dollars, dude.
Olly: Money's only skin deep, Sifl. It's all in the SPACE BAR,the CADILLAC OF KEYS. Take a look at your space bar, friends. Is it plain andbeige? Possibly stained by the late night nibblin' of a Kit Kat bar?What if your ride looked like that? THE LADIES WANT CHROME, my homie. *Model Arm waves suggestively over a keyboard with andover-sized space bar that is cover in rhinestones, tassles and other such pimpin'decor. It rises and falls in a rhythmic pattern as if moved by hydraulics* Olly: This is the SPACE BAR that will get you the alt.ladies.many.with.you.in.lust.wrestling! There is nosubstitute. With the Precious Roy Space Bar Trickin' Outer Kit, there will be nodoubt who's turnin' the Betties out in the chatroom.Let's take some calls.
Caller One: Yeah...I use voice-recognition software...I don'thave time for the keyboard...my hands...you know...they gotta be free.
Olly: Word. Well, my friend, Precious Roy is always one-stepahead of technology. If you order now, you get the BARRY WHITE PLUG-IN.It's like tinted windows for your voice box.
Caller One: SOLID.
Olly: We are changing lives here, Sifl. Next caller.
Caller Two (The flower) : All those ladies are guys.
Sifl: You little bastard...you never did clean that mess up.
Olly: What??? What are you talking about?
Caller Two: They're guys, dude. You guys are suckers. All you'regettin' is middle-aged digital man love.
Olly: You sir, don't know the Internet. Let's talk to PreciousRoy.
Precious: Dis is Precious Roy, and the boys at the unemployment office call me the Night Hawk!
Sifl: Um...Precious...what about this Space Bar Crap?
Precious: 100% re-constituted fish parts, suckers!!!
*PR jingle*
