Series: Fifth in the White Hat, White Horse series
Rating: PG-13
Content: Major-angst, drama
Spoilers: None
Summary: A chance happening, and Angel and Cordelia's lives will be changed forever.
Disclaimer: The Angelverse was created by Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. All rights belong to Fox, Mutant Enemy and the WB.
Feedback: Makes me one happy puppy.
Distribution: Those who have my fic archived, anyone else please ask!
Author's Note: This story is a little off the beaten path, but I was inspired, so bear with me. It is the last in the White Hat, White Horse series with a set up for a series sequel. (Stop me! Stop me now!)
"The term Dhampir in modern folklore refers to the offspring of a vampire and a human mate, traditionally a male vampire mating with a human female. This offspring is normally male. The dhampir was thought to have special qualities. He could sense where vampires hid themselves from the world, and therefore he had the ability to be a superb vampire hunter. These qualities would be passed down genetically to his offspring, and it was thought to last many generations."
~Angie McKaig, Vampire Physiology
http://www.pathywaytodarkness.com/facts/vamp_physiology.htm
~The Dhampir~
Another blue line. Cordelia fought the urge to throw the little plastic stick across the room. She looked at the other two sticks lying in the trashcan. Yep, the blue lines were still on those too. Three pregnancy tests, three positive results. Her mind began to spin, the black and white tile of the bathroom floor melding together into a thousand shades of gray. This made absolutely no sense. It couldn't happen.
It...couldn't...happen.
"Cordelia!"
Angel's shout bounced between the walls of the bathroom, drumming in Cordelia's ears and jarring her from her thoughts. She started up, tossing the third and final stick into the trash can and covering it with tissues.
"Cordelia, you in there? I'm back, I have to talk to you."
Now a knock at the door, startling the girl so badly she tossed the small can under the sink, spilling its contents. She cursed under her breath and lunged for the bathroom door, double checking its lock.
"Yeah, I'll be out in a sec, Angel!" she called, hoping against hope her voice sounded more normal to Angel's ears than it sounded to her own.
No such luck.
"You okay?"
Cordelia rolled her eyes. God! Protectiveness was nice and...safe-feeling, to a point. Times like these, it was downright stifling.
"God! Can't I get like a minute of privacy? I said I'll be out!"
Standing stock still for a moment, Cordelia listened as his footsteps retreated. She felt a slight twinge of guilt for yelling at Angel, but pushed it away as she crouched, reaching for the scattered pregnancy tests. With each one she retrieved, she checked it again, closing her eyes briefly before she opened them and stared at the small square with the clear blue line in it.
Yeah, clear blue easy alright. Easy to screw up my entire life with one clear blue line.
She sighed and tossed each one back into the trash can, rearranging the tissues on top of them again. It was stupid to hide them, since she really needed to step out of the bathroom and tell Angel everything right away, but instinct told her to. Perhaps she was hiding them as much from herself as from Angel. Perhaps them not being there would make this whole thing go away.
Righting herself, Cordelia leaned over the sink, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She didn't look different, and she really didn't feel different, but she was different.
Everything was different. Nothing would be the same, ever.
It had been two years since she left Sunnydale. She'd only been back twice in those two years. She didn't miss it, to be honest, and loved her life in L.A. Her life, uncanny though it may be, with Angel.
When she'd first met up with him in the City of Angels, she had her sights set on fame, fortune and superstardom. Things hadn't exactly worked out that way, but she was happier than she ever thought she'd be. She was his Seer, and that was more important a job than any role in any movie or television show. Their relationship had stayed comfortable for a long time. Slowly, they grew from acquaintances, to friends, to family, to lovers. There had been nothing confusing about it, nothing hard. It seemed natural, to fall in love with him. It seemed natural for him to love her back.
But this, this was not natural.
This was not natural at all.
For everything she knew about Angel, about vampires, he shouldn't be able to reproduce. But...
Cordelia dug under the tissues and pulled out one of the test sticks. Still, a blue line.
Her stomach lurched and she leaned back into the sink, not bothering to hold back the sudden need to lose her lunch.
Angel looked up as Cordelia emerged from the bathroom, raising his eyebrows surreptitiously. She didn't speak, barely even connected eyes with him before she moved quickly into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. It hadn't crossed her mind what she would do once she got into another Angel-free zone, but she exhaled sharply in relief nonetheless. Legs suddenly trembling, she collapsed onto the bed, burying her head into the pillow against the sudden onslaught of tears that had pooled in her eyes.
She hadn't lay there long when the mattress suddenly dipped under Angel's not unsubstantial weight. His cool hand brushed across her calf, settling at the bend of her knee. Another sob erupted from her throat and Cordelia struggled to choke it down as she felt Angel's breath against the back of her neck.
"What's wrong?" he asked, pushing stray hairs off the nape of her neck and placing two soft kisses there. "What happened, Cor?"
Cordelia sniffled and turned over, allowing Angel to pull her up by her shoulders and cradle her trembling body to his chest. His strong arms went around her, one hand settling at her lower back, the other tangling into the silky strands of her hair. She allowed another long sob to rip from her throat, burying her face into the soft material of Angel's shirt.
Angel leaned his head down, dipping his lips next to Cordelia's ear. "I'm here love," he whispered, stroking his hand across her back. "It's okay."
Cordelia managed to choke down a sob and she pulled back, gripping Angel's shirt tightly with small fists. She shook her head violently. "It's not okay, Angel! It's--" She looked up, hazel eyes swimming with tears, and met the confused gaze of her vampire lover.
Collapsing into sobs again, this time Cordelia released his shirt and buried her face into her hands. Angel let his hands slide down Cordelia's shoulders, gripping onto her forearms. "Tell me what's going on, Cordelia." He spoke firmly this time, leaving no room for the girl opposite him to protest.
She didn't, lowering trembling hands slowly and following their descent to her lap with her gaze. She sucked in a breath and blew it out, forcing herself to calm, unable to convince herself to look Angel in the eye.
"Something--" Another sob threatened. She swallowed it down. "Something happened, Angel. I--I don't know how--"
"What happened? Tell me what happened."
"I didn't mean--I thought you couldn't--"
Angel lifted a hand, bringing one finger to rest underneath Cordelia's chin. He applied slight pressure, forcing her face up to meet his gaze. "You're not making sense," he said quietly, eyes flitting across her panicked expression, trying to read anything into it. "Just tell me what happened."
"I'm pregnant." With the words, another tidal wave of emotion surged within her, and Cordelia felt her heart plummet to her stomach. She choked again, this time pushing her full weight into the solidness of the vampire before her and wailing as she hadn't in a long time.
Angel froze for a moment, the gravity of her words piercing the cold of his flesh and searing him directly to the core. He managed to lift his arms, suddenly feeling ten times heavier than they did thirty seconds earlier, and wrap them once again around the girl sobbing into his chest. His mind flashed blank for moments longer, refusing to form a coherent thought, until instinct took over and a growl ripped through his chest.
Cordelia pulled back, startled, and searched his face. No signs of evil, just the wild look in his eyes and the soft, residual growls emanating from somewhere deep in his chest.
"Angel?"
The vampire shook his head, forcing himself to gain some kind of control over his natural reactions. He held a hand out, reaching for Cordelia, then dropped it fruitlessly to his side. "I'm okay," he said huskily, swallowing hard. "I don't--" he shook his head. "I don't understand."
Cordelia pushed her hair off her face and blew a breath out, rubbing at the puffy redness below her eyes. She felt another torrent of sobs crawling up her throat, but stubbornly pushed them back and lifted her chin. "I don't either," she said softly, managing to meet Angel's eyes. "I--I shouldn't be. I mean, you said--you couldn't. I--I took three tests, Angel!"
Angel snapped his head up, perhaps in response to the panic surrounding Cordelia's tone, and forced himself to take control of the situation. He stood, rounding the bed then turning, and retracing his path. He pushed an unnecessary breath out and stopped in front of his counterpart, crouching to her level. "Okay. We have to figure out how and why this happened. And what we're gonna do."
Cordelia looked nervously around Giles' house, as if expecting to see Buffy pop out of the shadows at any moment. She and Angel had left almost immediately for Sunnydale, saying few words in the car on the way there. They'd reached Giles' house shortly before sunrise. Buffy's former Watcher was currently making Cordelia a cup of tea while she and Angel paced nervously in his living room, unable to sit after the seemingly excruciatingly long drive from L.A.
Giles entered the room almost warily, rubbing his hand through his mussed hair as he still adjusted to the early hour. He handed Cordelia her tea, then took it back as her hands trembled wildly and the tea sloshed precariously in the cup.
"Why don't you sit down, Cordelia," Giles suggested, placing the cup and saucer on the coffee table before her. The girl complied, looking up at Angel and Giles a bit nervously until they sat as well.
Silenced enveloped the room for a time, until Giles cleared his throat. "Angel, why don't you tell me what's going on?"
The vampire looked up, turning tired eyes on the ex-Watcher. He pushed himself to the edge of the couch and clasped his hands before him, sparing one glance at the frightened girl next to him before he began. "Giles, I don't know how to explain this but--"
"Just tell me what it is," Giles interrupted, looking in turn from Angel to Cordelia and back again. "You don't have to explain. That's what you want me to do, correct?"
Angel sighed and looked once more at Cordelia. She was studiously ignoring both men, staring into her tea. Bringing his eyes back to Giles, Angel nodded.
"Cordelia's pregnant," he said, pushing the words out on an unnecessary breath. He glanced at her again, noticing a slight rigidity form in her back. "She hasn't been with anyone but me and--"
Giles nodded, taking his glasses off and rubbing at his eyes. "You're wondering how it could happen."
The Watcher wasn't surprised at the admission that Angel and Cordelia were intimate. Though it hadn't been confirmed, it had been the suspicion among Buffy and her friends for some time now. He'd only needed to walk in on one discussion of the possibility to know *exactly* how the relationship would, or perhaps more accurately, would not, be accepted among the rest of the Scooby Gang. He made a subconscious decision then and there that he would not be the person to break the news to Buffy or any once of her companions.
"Do you know?" Angel was asking, his voice uncharacteristically strangled. He sounded like a frightened child; it was a tone Giles knew the vampire didn't give himself in to often. The Watcher felt momentarily bad for the vampire and exhaled softly, sparing him a condoling look.
"I've read some things," Giles reported slowly, removing his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. He glanced at Cordelia, who still stared morosely into her cup. "Modern folklore dictates that vampires can, and do reproduce. Usually, I would assume, by accident, and usually with a human mate."
Angel shook his head. "I can't imagine a vampire leaving a human alive long enough for any type of sexual act to matter."
The Watcher nodded. "Correct. Which, I believe, is why the dhampir do not appear very often."
"The what?"
Cordelia's voice seemed to startle both the Watcher and the vampire. Both turned toward her, Angel reaching a hand out and instinctively stroking her knee. Cordelia pulled away, setting her tea cup back on the saucer, and addressed Giles. "What's a damper? Besides this pregnancy on my future, that is."
Giles wondered briefly if the look of hurt that passed Angel's face seconds before he slipped back into his characteristic ambivalent mask was merely a figment of his imagination. He sighed once more, pushing the thought from his mind.
"A dhampir," he began, emphasizing the word for Cordelia's benefit, "is the offspring of a vampire and a human. They're rumored to be able to sense other vampires, though they're not vampires themselves. They often make great vampire hunters, actually."
"Which is why," Angel said, pushing himself up from the couch and circling around it, "a vampire wouldn't father a child with a human female on purpose."
Cordelia looked for long moments at Angel as he paced, then turned her eyes back down to the coffee table. Giles watched the one sided exchange then nodded. "It wouldn't benefit a normal vampire. I should certainly say it will benefit you."
A loud rush of air expelled from Cordelia's mouth. She snorted, shifting slightly in her seat. "Speak for yourself, Giles," she muttered.
Angel paused, looking down at the top of her head. He thought for a moment, then resumed his pacing behind the couch. "That's it? I mean, that's the explanation?"
The Watcher nodded. "Well, yes. The dhampir is a powerful ally to vampire slayers. The traits it carries can be passed down for generations."
"I still don't understand," Cordelia said, looking from Angel to Giles and back for an explanation. "I thought Angel couldn't. I mean, I thought he was--"
"Sterile," Angel supplied.
Giles cleared his throat. "I can only assume the higher powers had a reason for allowing this to happen."
At this Cordelia jumped up, crossing the room and entering the kitchen. She leaned against the counter, cradling her forehead in her hands for long moments before looking up, eyes weary. "The higher powers," she intoned. She lifted a hand, pointing a finger directly at Angel. "Can I just tell you how sick and tired I am of them butting into my life?! First the visions, now this? They have got to be kidding me!"
Angel sighed and moved toward her, changing his mind in mid stride and stopping short. He stood halfway between Giles and Cordelia, holding his hands out, palms up. "It's because you're fighting my fight, Cordelia," he explained softly, apology clear in his voice. "You've aligned yourself with me, and to the powers, that means you've dedicated yourself to my cause."
Cordelia sighed. "I have, Angel. I -- I love helping you, I love what we do, but--" She broke off, a sob choking her throat. Giles stood, feeling as though he was suddenly intruding in his own living room. He stepped toward the stairs. "I'll leave you two--"
"No." Both Angel and Cordelia spoke simultaneously. "S'okay," Cordelia murmured, sparing a glance at Angel before exiting the small kitchen. "I'm--I understand. I guess. I'm just tired. Giles, do you mind if I go lay down?" The Watcher glanced at Angel who nodded imperceptibly. He turned toward Cordelia, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. "Of course. The guest bedroom is made up. Second door on your left."
The girl smiled tiredly in thanks and ascended the stairs.
Sighing, Angel set the last volume at the top of the stack and leaned back, rubbing his eyes. He stared at the pile of books, eleven in all, and thought about what he'd read regarding the offspring of vampires. What Giles had said was indeed true, and it seemed the child Cordelia was carrying, most likely male, was meant to be a vampire hunter. Angel was flooded with emotion, and he couldn't seem to figure out which one was most prominent. Fear was probably it, and if he thought about it long enough he began to feel nauseous. Taking care of himself was easy. Taking care of Cordelia was becoming second nature. But taking care of a child, that was something he wasn't sure he could ever learn to do.
He wasn't good with people. Everyone knew it. What was he supposed to do with a kid?
"I have two modes with people. Bite and avoid. Hard to shift."
He'd told that to Cordelia a long time ago. It had never felt so true as it did now.
The sound of the door opening escaped him, and Angel wasn't aware of Giles' presence until the Watcher spoke.
"Did you get through all of those?"
The vampire jumped. Humans never startled him. He could smell them before they entered a room. He was definitely off his game.
"Uh, yeah. They told me everything you did, just in a little more detail."
"How's Cordelia?"
"Hasn't come down yet. I hope she's sleeping. She hasn't since the night before last."
Giles walked into the kitchen, watching the vampire surreptitiously as he fixed himself a cup of tea. Angel appeared calm, but Giles knew he was jumpy, knew he was probably experiencing every emotion ever known to his mortal self. He tried to talk himself out of asking any questions, after all, it wasn't his business to pry, but curiosity won over, and the Watcher found himself settling on the sofa opposite the vampire, staring at him.
"If you don't mind my asking, what do you plan on doing?"
Angel looked up, as if surprised to find Giles back in the room with him. "Huh? Oh," he leaned back, clasping his hands and raising his arms above his head. "I don't see many choices here, do you?"
Giles tipped his head to either side. "Well, I suppose not. I don't think Cordelia is ready for this kind of responsibility."
"You think I am?" A strangled laugh escaped the vampire's throat. "I'm a vampire in case you forgot. That's not exactly something that's easy to explain. Especially not to a kid. He's gonna be scared to death of me."
Giles though this over for a moment, his heart sinking as he came to a realization. "The dhampir will instinctually be wary of vampires it senses. I suppose that will include you until he's old enough to understand your curse."
Angel lowered his head, bringing his hands down with it. "Cordelia can't do this alone. What are we supposed to do?"
Silenced enveloped both men for long moments. Giles wished he had an answer, but found none. He sighed finally, breaking the quietude. "I don't know, Angel. I suppose you must approach the Powers to express your concerns."
Angel waved a hand, dismissing the idea. "My channel to the Powers gives me more non answers and riddles than answers. I usually come out of there feeling more confused than I was going in."
"If this is indeed their doing, they must be able to assist you," Giles offered hopefully.
"Who can help us?"
Cordelia's soft voice floated into the living room. She stood at the landing of the stairs, looking hopefully down at the two men. Hazel eyes were red with sleep, and Angel found himself relieved that she'd rested. He stood, motioning her down.
"Giles is talking about the Oracles," he clarified, accepting her into his arms as she approached him. "I'm trying to explain that they don't help me much."
Cordelia buried her face into Angel's shirt, grateful for the familiar comfort. She stood quietly for a moment before pulling away, pushing her hair back from her face with an impatient hand. "They gave you your soul for permanent," she offered hopefully. "That helped you." She frowned, thinking over this statement. Finally, she pulled away, shaking her head. "No, no. I take that back. If you didn't have your soul, we wouldn't have done the nasty, and none of this would have happened."
Giles blushed slightly at her words, turning his gaze down to the cushions below him. He looked back up when Angel spoke.
"I love you, Cordelia, and I'm not sorry about any of the choices I've made concerning you and I." He spoke resolutely, no embarrassment or hesitation in his voice despite their audience. "This is just--"
"A child!" Cordelia broke in. "A living human being, that's gonna be totally dependent on me and you! It's not a setback, it's not an obstacle, it's a life altering event!"
"I know."
"No, it doesn't seem like you do! If you did, you wouldn't be all cool, calm and collected vampire. No, you'd be freaking out! Cause this is huge! Every single night, you put yourself in danger. Every night you could get dusted like that." She snapped her fingers. "Do you know what that means when you have a kid? That means your kid doesn't have a father anymore. You die and I'm taking care of him alone."
Angel held his hands out, clasping them around Cordelia's shoulders. "I am freaking out," he admitted softly. "Just not as... loudly." He managed a slight smile which she didn't return. His smile faded. "I don't know what's gonna happen, and I have no idea how we're going to do this. But we can't sit around and scream about what we can't control. This has happened, and I know something has to be done, I'm just not sure what."
"Well figure it out!" Cordelia demanded.
"Do you want me to freak out or do you want me to have all the answers, Cordelia? Cause I can't do both."
"Just shut up."
"Don't get mad at me."
"Too late. Is the sun down yet? I want to leave."
"It's 3:30 Cordelia. There's still several more hours of daylight," Giles supplied helpfully, hoping to ease some of the tension that was quickly building in the room.
His effort when unnoticed. Cordelia threw a murderous look toward Angel. "Great. Well I'm gonna go out and...do something that's not here."
Angel sighed softly, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "Cordelia."
"Leave me alone," she shot over her shoulder, slipping her purse on her shoulder and reaching for the doorknob.
"Be careful. Be back before dark."
Cordelia paused, hand resting against the frame of the now ajar door. "Ooh, you're gonna be a great daddy," she seethed softly. "You already sound like one."
They arrived back in Los Angeles shortly before 10 p.m. Angel immediately began gathering his weapons together, preparing to respond to the vision Cordelia had in the car on the ride south.
Cordelia went into the bedroom slamming the door behind her. Angel heard the dresser being shoved into place in front of the door, and he sighed. He'd be sleeping on the couch at dawn.
The horizon was morphing from indigo into a dusky periwinkle when Cordelia heard the elevator clang down to the floor. She sighed and pushed herself off the bed, trudging slowly toward the still-barricaded door of the bedroom.
A moment later, she was in the living room, watching quietly as Angel cleaned his weapons and methodically stored them in their rightful place in the large oak cabinet on the far wall. She'd had a strange feeling while he was gone, not a vision, but something similar, without all of the excruciating pain. It was a sense, almost, that something wasn't right.
That something was very, very wrong, and wouldn't be made right for a long time. Her vampire lover looked no worse for the wear, aside from the mysterious goo dripping from the sleeve of his duster.
Still, the feeling couldn't be ignored, and Cordelia shifted on the balls of her feet and directed her gaze to the floor before speaking.
"You okay?"
Angel turned, nodding slightly as he did so. "Yeah. You?"
Cordelia looked up, feeling her heart tighten at the sight of his face. It looked normal; tired, pale, handsome as ever, but still the girl felt something wasn't right. Something.
"Angel, I'm--" she swallowed hard, pushing back a sudden, unexplainable onslaught of tears. "Something's wrong. Tell me what it is."
The vampire raised his eyebrows slightly, shedding his coat and draping it distastefully across the back of a chair. He turned back toward Cordelia and stepped toward her, opening his arms and taking her into his embrace. She couldn't hold back her tears then, and they rolled silently down her cheeks as Angel stroked her hair.
"Cordelia," he rasped, dipping his head and burying his face into her silken locks. "I have to tell you something." Cordelia pulled back, her heart flip-flopping wildly in her chest. She ignored the pads of Angel's thumbs as they wiped at the tears staining her cheeks. His eyes held her, fear winding its way up her spine as he seemed to swallow her into their dark depths.
"I went to the Oracles," Angel began, unwilling, or perhaps physically unable at the moment, to disengage his hands from her face. He simply cradled her cheeks in his palms, keeping his gaze focused intently on hers. "They told me that this is meant to be...I mean, it happened for a reason."
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "The fact that they're your link to the higher powers of this universe is just a stroke of luck, considering they are the unequivocal masters of the obvious."
She was beginning to positively loathe the Powers That Be.
Angel gave a half-smile, unable to further concede the point. Instead, he turned, steering Cordelia toward the sofa and sitting her down on it. He crouched before her, taking both her hands in his and squeezing them lightly. Another shiver crept up Cordelia's spine. She trembled visibly. Angel's cool fingers tightened around hers. "The Oracles said this child, our child, is meant to hunt vampires. With the right training, he'll have the ability to be as strong as a Slayer."
"You're supposed to train him?" Cordelia asked, her voice surfacing with a slight tremble. She looked down at him, blinking sadly at the frightened expression on his face. "What's wrong?"
"Cordelia, listen to me." His voice was strangled.
Cordelia swallowed down a lump in her throat. She remained quiet, steeling herself for whatever it was that had rattled him so badly. Her heart thundered beneath her rib cage, and for a moment, she was convinced she was going to have a heart attack. Wave after wave of nausea surfaced in her throat, and she valiantly swallowed each torrent down.
After what seemed like an eternity, Angel continued. "I can't be around the baby after it’s born. Not until its old enough to--"
"What?!" Cordelia jumped up, disentangling her fingers from Angel's. She stared down at him, trembling uncontrollably. "What?" she repeated, panic rising in her voice.
Angel stood slowly, wringing one hand into a fist. He held out the other. "Cordelia, try to stay calm."
"What. Do. You. Mean?!" Cordelia demanded, reaching out for his hand then slapping it away. "Angel, say something!"
"I'm trying," Angel said softly, dropping his hand back down to his side. "He's going to be scared of me. I can't--" His voice broke, and he lowered himself to the couch, forehead cradled in hand. "I don't want this, Cordelia. I don't know how I can do this--be away from you, from our--"
Cordelia stopped, turning slowly to look at Angel where he sat on the couch. She felt an unseen fist squeezing at her heart. "Oh, Angel," she whispered, forcing her legs to obey her brain and step toward him. "Angel," she repeated, standing flush with him until he looked up, opening his arms and wrapping them around her legs. He pillowed his head against the warm flesh of her belly.
"I don't understand," the girl finally breathed, lifting a hand and threading it through his hair. "I can't do this on my own."
Angel shook his head and looked up once more. "You won't be. You'll have Wesley. Or whoever you want. Anyone will do this for you, be there for you--" his voice faltered. "The way I'm supposed to be."
Cordelia swallowed hard and sunk down to her knees, taking the cool flesh of his cheeks into her palms. She cradled his face for a moment, stroking lightly with her thumbs. "I don't want anyone else," she murmured. "I want you."
Angel shook his head, effectively loosening himself from her grip. He looked up into her eyes, his own shining with unshed tears. "I can't. Not until he's old enough to understand what I am. Why I am."
"Why?" Cordelia's voice broke into sobs and tears streamed down her face. "Why?"
"He won't understand. He'll be afraid of me." Angel lifted a hand and brushed Cordelia's cheek with his fingers. "It'll be okay, I promise."
Cordelia shook her head. "No, no, it won't. I can't leave you. I won't leave you, Angel."
The vampire swallowed down the lump in his throat. He ignored the few stray tears that made their way down his cheeks. "It's okay, love. You don't have to go anywhere right now. We have time."
"Forever! We were supposed to have forever! At least my forever," Cordelia insisted. A violent tremble ripped through her slender frame and her knees buckled, bringing her face to face with Angel.
He smiled sadly at her, threading his fingers behind her neck and rubbing soft circles there. "We will, just with a few years cut out in between."
"No."
Angel sighed. He wanted to cry, he wanted to panic, he wanted to do all the things Cordelia was doing right now. Deny, deny, deny. But he couldn’t do those things. He was going to be strong for her, for them, even if it tore him up inside. It was this way after Doyle’s death, and it would be this way for a long time to come. "We don't have to decide what's going to happen now."
Hazel eyes flashed with a new resolution. "I've already decided."
Resolve began to crumble. Angel felt his unbeating heart jump into his throat and settle there. He swallowed hard, willing himself not to burst into tears. Instead, he drew Cordelia close to him, lifting her gently until she rested on the sofa beside him, halfway in his lap. She whimpered softly once more.
"Shh. Its okay," Angel soothed, burying his face into the silky locks of her hair. He let the tears come then, hot and sticky against the cool flesh of his cheeks. He wasn’t sure how, but they were going to get through this. The way they got through everything.
"We’re going to be okay," he whispered, willing the fates to grant him the one truth. "We’re going to be okay."
End.
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