Tony Slattery
Songs
"Sometimes I dream of a sailor,
Sometimes I dream of an obelisk.
I shouldn't eat the mushrooms I find,
Because the local flora BLOWS MY MIND."
"I wanna be a Yankee, but some things in America are really Wanky!"
"I got married yesterday, I had an awful time.
I drank 2 bottles of crappy British wine.
I'm going to leave my wife as quickly as I can,
I don't like her, I like the best man!!!"
"I hate examinations, it fills me with great fear,
I get the collywobbles, and lots of Diarrhea,
So if you are a student, don't care about the pain
Get through your exams by taking lots of cocaine!"
"I've got a little problem, I can't get enough
You know what I'm talking about...It['s ME! I'm hot
stuff
Look at myself in the mirror, I just start to sweat
Cuz I'm the most beautiful person that I've ever met!"
"Oh I'm a little kinky, my panties are made of fur
I like to stay in evenings, just me and my cucumber
And then I pull my pants down and start to paint my tush
And dress up in leather and squat on Barbara Bush!"
"I like the sound of motorways when things go splat
I look out my car window and I've run over a cat
The one thing that I hate, the worst thing in my life
Is the stupid bastard who designed the M-25"
"I like cakes, you know I find them enticing
I like to take my clothes off and cover my body with icing
I do it because you know (whoa) I can
WOW! Take my body down with Marzipan...
"I went to a store, I spent a lot of bucks
I came out with this, and boy does it suck
But the most important thing, and this is what I'd like to share
I hate this jacket cause it's made of bits of Lionel Blair"
"I've got a problem, I'd like to report.
When I see Porky Pig, my pants distort.
Oh yeah, you know what I mean,
When I see that porker I spill my seed.
You know animals are my ilk,
I spray them with man milk.
I go yeah, porky,
Porky you're the one for me.
(oinks)
"I love my fluffy donkey,
I like to call him Clive
I dress him up in panties,
he's the best animal alive
I like to dress him up
in lots of frilly clothes
And the two of us begin to star in certain videos"
"My mother died the other day,
I hit her with a cosh
I hoped that in the will,
she would elave me lots of dosh
When I read the will
I found out that I was not rich
She just left me her knickers,
what a stupid bitch"
