New Beginnings Series

Fic #3  Togetherness

 Spike turns around and as much as he wants to hug her the only thing that comes out is "Slayer"

 "Can we go someplace and talk?” She asks quietly.

 "Going to beat the hell out of me again?” He asks

 "I knew this was a mistake.” She says and turns her back.

 "Run away slayer that’s what you do" Spike tells her pissed off that she doesn't think she deserves a little shit for her actions.

 "I'm not running - look who ran.” She says turning around and glaring at him.

 "Uh - there are 49 other rooms that you two could go to."  Angel says in a light manner - he wanted to be alone with Cordy.

 "Look who beat the bloody hell out of me for no reason.  Piss off" Spike says to everyone in the room and walks out going to what he had chosen for his room now that cheerleader was in his sire's bed.

 Buffy follows Spike to wherever he was heading.  She needed to get this out and he was the one that understood her.  "Oh so you do stop.” She says walking into a room he went to.

 Spike turns around and throws her to the bed.  "Fuck of you bloody bit"

 "Thought you liked to fuck me.” She says trying to get him to calm down.  She doesn't know how to do that - but thought she'd try.

 "Fuck you?  I can barely stand to look at you - what or who do you think you are?  You escaped with your life tonight SLAYER only because I love you not for any other reason - that love however is slowly fading so I suggest you get the hell away from me fast."

 "Why Spike?  You say you love me - but you wont' talk this out with me.  Don't you get it - I don't know what happened to me when they brought me back.  I'm scared that I'm not human anymore and how the hell do I deal with that?"

 "You lean on me you don't beat me to hell.  You recognize that you are my girl and that means more than just fucking my hot body daily.  I won't do it anymore SLAYER- I can have sex with anyone I won't be your toy anymore"

 "That's just it - I'm not your girl.  What makes you think that?  Just because we had sex?” She asks not understanding.

 "Because you can't get enough of me - because I'm the only person that understands remotely what you're going through - because I love you and like it or not Slayer you love me.  You love that I know what it feels like to crawl out of my own coffin.  You love that I don't make you pretend.  You love that I know where to bite and lick to push you so far over the edge you think you're back in heaven.  Slayer I make you feel again - the fire doesn't freeze you anymore does it?"

 "No it doesn't.” She admits.  "So many things have been taken away from me including being just a girl.  Whether or not I'm human or a demon I'm still a girl that would like to be treated like one.  You're right you understand me and what I'm going through - don't you get that that scares the shit out of me?  My so-called closest friends don’t get me and yet you do?  I'm still trying to come to terms with that."

 "If you won't treat me with some respect then come to terms with it on your own.  I've tried to treat you decent - as decent as I know how - for fuck's sake - the last time I tried anything with a human was 127 yrs ago.  I could have ripped your throat out tonight - I could have fought back but I didn't.  I didn't punch you tonight but I wanted to - damn it slayer I'm trying like hell and all I'm getting is shit from you - so make a decision - do you want to do this completely alone or with me?"

 "I'm here - doesn't that count?” She asks.  "Spike it may not look like it - but I'm trying to.  Why didn't you fight back tonight?  I deserved it - but all you did was lay there."

 "Because a man doesn't hit a woman." Spike says softly sitting in the corner of the room.

 Buffy goes over and sits in front of him.  She reaches out and touches his hand.  "Spike I'm sorry - I shouldn't have lashed out at you like I did."

 "Yeah and how you going to fix it?"

 She gets on her knees and leans towards him and kisses him - not with the need that they've known - but with more tenderness.

 "And?” He looks at her.

 "Spike I want to be here with you - I want more than what we've had.  I'll treat you with more respect than I've had.” She says kissing him again.

 "Blood or love pet - you're pick"

 "What do you mean?” She asks.

 "I want you to give me your blood or your love - I'm settling for nothing less"

 "So if I gave you my blood then you'd drain me and turn me to a vampire right?"

 "Ok you obviously don't have a fucking clue - goodbye slayer."

 "Spike - stop.” She says not letting him get up.  "Love - I'll give you my love." 

 "Really?  That means you are my girlfriend slayer - no more of this half shit"

 "I know that - I want to feel and to be whole again.  I can't do that alone and nobody else will accept me."

 "I am not a last resort you bitch"

 "I didn't mean that Spike.  I want to be with you because it’s my choice and this is what I want."

 "You don't know what your choice is - you aren't choosing me because you love me you're choosing me because your so called friends don't have a fucking clue about what you're dealing with and you don't want to be alone.  I'm not an animal slayer - I won't be treated like this.  I've let you do it for a month so you can start to get a grasp on reality again but I'm not doing it anymore."

 "I don't want you to.  I want you to be my man.  Spike after I left tonight I went to be by myself to figure out what I just did and I took what you said to heart.  You do hurt the ones that you love.  I'm sorry that I've hurt you - not just tonight - but over the last month.” She says this coming closer to him.  She puts her hands on his cheeks.  "Spike - I love you." 

 "Do you even know what that is slayer?"

"Yes - its what I feel when I'm with you.  Why are you still distancing yourself from me?  You wont' even use my name."

"Because I don't trust you - you know nothing about me - where I've came from, how I got to where I am, nothing - you've taken no time to know me an I'm supposed to believe you love me after you pounded the bloody 'ell out of me earlier?"

"I know details of you - but you're right I don't know all of you.  I want to know Spike - I want to know all of you.  I know all the bad things that you've done in your lifetime and I can still accept you for you."

"Get out - you don't know a damn thing - I'm staying in LA I'm done with you"

 "Spike - what the hell do you want?  I've given myself to you but that isn't good enough."

 "You haven't given shit - I got your body big deal."

 "I've given you my love to and you still question me.  Why?  I've made mistakes and haven't handled us very well but I'm here because I choose to be here - with you."

 "You're here because nobody else accepts you you said that yourself not more than 10 min ago.  Go back to Sunnyhell slayer- stay alone the rest of your short life its what you deserve." Spike says getting up and walking out of the room.

 She follows him out of the room.  She wasn't going to give up on him.  "Spike wait - I'm not done talking to you.” She says grabbing his arm and turning him around to face her.

 "You manhandle me one more time and I will let the demon out - back off." Spike's eyes glaze yellow.  "You fucked up - now leave." Spike walks into Angel and Cordy's room, knowing they finished making love. "Sire I need you"

 Angel is holding Cordy to him and turns to Spike.  "Spike - what's wrong?"

 "She won't leave." Spike crawls into bed behind Angel not wanting to disturb him cuddling with Cordy.

 "Isn't that the point?  Didn't you want to be with her?"  Angel asks turning slightly so that he can put his arm around Spike to.

 "She's lying - she told me she loves me and doesn't know a damn thing about me - she told me she's here because nobody else accepts her." Spike almost cries.

Cordy gets pissed off and gets out of bed, puts Angel's shirt on and walks out of the room "Buffy - get the fuck out of my hotel."

 "You can't kick me out of her Cordelia.  Will you ask Spike to come down here please?” She says trying to be nice.

 After Cordy left Angel pulls Spike into his arms and comforts him.  "Spike she came here to see you.  Maybe it just came out all wrong.  You said that she's been messed up in the head."  Angel says holding Spike close to him.

 "Sire I'm not her whipping boy - I was yours for decades I won't be hers.  I told her blood or love and she thought I meant I wanted to drain her - she knows nothing about vampires although she's the fucking 'chosen' one." Spike lets Angel hold him.

"Actually Ms Bitchy I can kick you out - you see my name is on the deed. You hurt Spike and I don't want you hear anymore - he's not your whipping boy - he's a vampire yes - but he's not evil and he could have killed you tonight and he didn't - he left Sunnydale and came home because there was nothing for him there.  Go back to whatever life you think you can have without him because I will not let you hurt him again like you did to Angel with your selfishness."

 "Cordelia I'm not here to hurt Spike.  That's why I came here to tell him how I feel and that I was sorry about what happened tonight.  I want him - I want to be with him.  Can't you understand that?" 

 "Where you are concerned NO - you act now like I acted in High School - Buffy those years are so long ago - the world does not revolve around you - you're chosen one title is long overdue for a new one.  Just because you're all chosen and shit doesn't give you the right to treat your friends and your supposed love like shit.  He doesn't need this now - go find someplace else to sleep - call tomorrow and maybe he'll want to talk to you."

"I'm not like that Cordelia.  I'm not a bitch like you portray me to be - all I want is to talk with Spike and get him to understand that he is the one that I want.  Why are you fighting me on this?  Since when were you protecting Spike?"

Angel kisses Spike.  "Stay here - I'll be right back.” He says and then puts some pants on and no shirt.  He goes downstairs and takes Buffy by the arm and leads her to the door.  "Buffy - you've worn out your welcome here.  Spike has asked you to leave and that will happen.  You don't deserve him – don’t you get that you've hurt him beyond belief and all he did was be there for you.  He helped you and understood you when nobody else gave a damn and this is how you repay him?  If you care anything about him - then respect his wishes and leave."  Angel says opening the door.

"Why am I the bitch here - since when does Cordy rate more than me?"

"Since I'm Angel's mate and that makes Spike mine too.  Buffy there’s this thing with vampires - they are loyal to family and if you ever took the time to learn anything more than how to kill them you'd know about blood bonds and mating and all the other ways vampires love each other." Cordy says hoping she got that part right - she'd have to ask Angel later.

 Buffy looks at both of them in shock and then walk out the door.  She didn't know where she would go or what she would do - but she obviously wasn't wanted there.

Angel pulls Cordy into his arms and kisses her.  "That meant a lot to me that you stood up for Spike tonight - I was very proud of you." 

 "Was I right - Spike's mine too right? The bloodlines thing I was hoping I wasn't mixing things up in my head."

"Nope - you were perfect.  To answer your question - yes Spike is yours to and he could really use some loving.” He smiles at Cordy.

 "I don't think I could have sex with him Angel - I was a virgin before you" Cordy says shyly.

 "You can comfort him without having sex - that will come in time."  Angel says and touches her cheek.  "There is nothing to be shy about here - we are family."

 Cordy takes his hand and starts walking upstairs with him. "So he calls you sire what does he call me?"

 "Probably mom or cheerleader.” He smiles.

 "Mom? He's 109 yrs older than me?" She says walking into the room.

"How about mistress or madam?" Spike offers from the floor on his knees.

 "Spike you don’t have to be on your knees.” She says not knowing what to do - but takes his hand and brings him up to his feet and then puts her arms around him.  "I know that you're hurting - but you aren't alone.  We will help you."

Angel stands behind Spike and then wraps his arms around him from behind so that he is sandwiched between Cordy and himself.

 Spike lays his head down gently on her shoulder.  "Thank you madam” He's so tired of being everything but what he is - a true vampire.

 "How about Cordy - I'm to young to be a ma'dam.” She teases him as she holds him tighter to her and looks at Angel.

 Angel vamps out and bites into Spike's claim mark drinking greedily from him.  He then removes his fangs. "Mine"

 Cordy then has the urge to lick over his claim mark, so she does and then says, "Family.” She liked that - she finally had a true family.

 Spike's head falls back onto Angel's shoulder - "sire may I?"

 Angel turns his neck and says, "Yes you may.” He knew that Spike needed to feel like he belonged.

 Spike bites into Angel's neck and drinks his heavenly elixor.  "Cordy- want some?"

 She knew that it would be disrespectful to say no.  "Ok.” She says not sure what to do next.

 Spike looks to Angel for permission to complete the bond.

 "Gently Spike - and not to much.” He says knowing that Cordy is still learning about her bond to this family.

 Spike moves to bite Cordy but then stops.  "The chip- I can't.” He says angry again that he can't be a vampire.

"Yes you can Spike" Cordy tilts her head - getting that his is a ritual.  "I'm part demon now."

"And a beautiful one at that." Spike moves and sinks his fangs gently into Cordy's neck taking a little then moving so Angel can also drink from her.

 Angel moves to her neck and drinks from her and then closes her wounds.  He then looks at Spike and kisses him.  "My family."  Angel says pulling both Cordy and Spike into his arms.

 Spike smiles and actually purrs.

"You're purring now thats cute." Cordy smiles and kiss his cheek.

 "I'll leave you two alone now - thanks for the help with the slayer." Spike says not wanting to intrude.

 "Spike - would you like to sleep with us tonight?"  Angel asks looking at Cordy for her acceptance.

 "Yeah but Angel goes in the middle so we can both cuddle to him." Cordy says.

"No thanks sire - its couple time - I get that.  I'll see you at dusk.  I'll keep Connor with me - so you two can be alone."

 Angel goes to Spike and gives him a hug and then a deep kiss.  "You'll be just fine - we'll see to it."

 "Thanks sire" Spike smiles and walks out.

 "He seems so depressed?" Cordy says getting into bed.

 "he came here for comfort and the woman he loves kicked him in the gut yet again.  He's hurting and doesn't want to hurt anymore."

 "It seems to go deeper than that - he's brooding more than you"

 "Cordy he's always been the whipping boy so to speak.  The one person who he thought he could connect with more than Dru – doesn’t understand him like he thought.  He doesn't have a beating heart - but deep down he does have feelings and they are more on the surface than you think."

 "What do you mean whipping boy?  Explain please"

 "I used him for a toy - I whipped him and used him for whatever I wanted.  I didn't care what he wanted - it wasn’t about him.  I created him and so I thought that I owned him and I treated him like dirt for years.:

 "

 "Angelus did those things - not you"

 "I am Angelus - he lives inside me Cordy."

 "Angelus could not have made such sweet tender love to me just a few hours ago, you're my Angel." She puts her hand on his face and kisses him.

 He kisses her back.  "I'll always be your Angel.” He smiles. 

 "I love you Angel."

 "I love you.” He smiles and pulls her so close to him.  "I love you."