story by Calhoun D Bright PLOT Phoebe campaigns to provide the

music at M&C's wedding; Rachel steals Monica's engagement

thunder by kissing Ross; Chandler experiences erectile

difficulties. CRITIQUE There's nothing like a little

intra-Friends psychological intrigue, and Monica's analysis that

Rachel can't stand the fact that her formerly fat friend is

getting married first adds some heft to the top-of-their-game

comic goings-on. And the wacky Joey subplot--he's auditioning to

play a 19-year-old--provides both a sidesplitting sight gag

(Joey in full homeboy gear) and this memorable take on

teenspeak: "'Sup with the whack PlayStation 'sup." A [2]

147 THE ONE WITH RACHEL'S BOOK--W Reich/Cohen D Lembeck PLOT

Monica finds out that her parents spent her wedding fund. Phoebe

moves in with Ross to give M&C some space. Joey finds Rachel's

dirty novel. BEST LINE "As the groom, all you have to do is show

up and try to say the right name." (Ross, imparting wedding

advice to Chandler) CRITIQUE Aside from Ross getting tricked

into giving a massage to an old guy and Joey's goading of

erotica-loving Rachel, there's little to amuse. But you do get

to see Chandler give another one of his

best-boyfriend-in-the-world speeches to reassure nuptials-crazed

Monica. B- [3]

148 THE ONE WITH PHOEBE'S COOKIES--W Bilsing/Plummer D Halvorson

PLOT Monica wants Phoebe's grandmother's cookie recipe. Rachel

offers to teach Joey how to sail. Monica's dad invites Chandler

for a game of racquetball. CRITIQUE Rachel and Joey's

blue-screened sailboat outing is a jarring flight of fancy that

generates more huh? than ha. Monica and Phoebe trying to

re-create the perfect chocolate chip cookie is a dollop more

appealing, but overall this ep is not exactly the tastiest

treat. C [3]

149 THE ONE WITH RACHEL'S ASSISTANT--W Boyle D Schwimmer PLOT

Rachel gets a promotion. Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. debuts (and is

canceled), but Days of Our Lives wants Joey to audition to play

Drake Ramoray's twin brother, Striker. INTRODUCES Eddie Cahill

(Felicity) as Rachel's new assistant, Tag Jones. BEST LINE "In

my defense, it was dark, and he was a very pretty guy."

(Chandler, who, we find out, had a little Crying Game action in

college) CRITIQUE It's another Friend vs. Friend extravaganza,

as Chandler, Ross, and Monica end up dishing each others'

darkest secrets (e.g., Ross used to wear leg warmers; Chandler

won a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest; Monica couldn't tell time

until she was 13). What more could you ask for? Well, perhaps

more laughs on the Joey front. A-

150 THE ONE WITH THE ENGAGEMENT PICTURE--W Teleplay by Patty Lin;

story by Earl Davis D Halvorson PLOT Monica and Chandler have

their engagement photos taken. Cute Coffee House Guy (Kyle,

a.k.a. "Hums While He Pees") asks Phoebe out. Ross dates Hums

While He Pees' ex-wife (a.k.a. Whitney). CREATIVE CASTING Julia

Campbell (Seinfeld) as Whitney. BEST LINE "Oooh, I could just

spread him on a cracker." (Rachel, salivating over Tag) CRITIQUE

Packed with rollicking unprofessionalism from Rachel (whose

workplace hormones have run amok), funny faces from Chandler

(whose bad-photo poses are priceless), and gut-busting

histrionics from caught-between-divorces Phoebe and Ross. Plus,

Tag does a great Joey impression: "How you doin'?" A- [4]

151 THE ONE WITH THE NAP PARTNERS--W Buckner/Jones D Halvorson

PLOT Monica needs a maid of honor; Chandler's disgruntled ex

pops up; Ross and Joey enjoy napping together. CRITIQUE

Mercifully, the lame "nap partners" story line is given short

shrift, allowing more screen time for Phoebe and Rachel to duke

it out for M-of-H status (Rachel ultimately gets the nod). The

potentially dull plot involving Chandler's ex turns into a

surprisingly moving examination of Monica's weight issues and

whether Chandler would still love her if she got fat again. B

152 THE ONE WITH ROSS'S LIBRARY BOOK--W Silveri D Schwimmer PLOT

Joey hooks up with a gal Rachel and Phoebe come to adore. Ross

finds his doctoral dissertation in the library--in the aisle where

people go to have sex. Janice returns! CREATIVE CASTING Sex and

the City's Kristin Davis as Erin, Joey's intimacy-issue-afflicted

new girlfriend. BEST LINE "Man, do you know what guys want."

(Joey's sarcastic response to Phoebe when she points out that

Erin speaks four languages) NEW 'DO Rachel CRITIQUE Were they

trying to make the most annoying episode ever? Not only does

Davis seem wildly out of place, but we have to endure a

too-absurd-for-words Ross subplot, and too much of Janice's

whining. Uncle! C- [4]

153 THE ONE WHERE CHANDLER DOESN'T LIKE DOGS--W Lin D Bright

PLOT It's Thanksgiving, and Chandler's got the gang playing a

name-all-the-states-in-six-minutes game. Phoebe's secretly

dog-sitting Clunkers. Rachel tells Tag she has a crush on him.

BEST LINE "That is the beauty of this game--it makes you want to

kill yourself." (Chandler, to the geography-challenged Friends).

CRITIQUE Although Ross' inability to ace the states challenge

(Delaware provides a huge stumbling block) leads to some

amusingly Geller-esque mania, the dog brouhaha (Chandler's

afraid and "allergic") is for the birds. Still, stay tuned for

Joey's "it's a moo point" malapropism. B

154 THE ONE WITH ALL THE CANDY--W Calhoun D Schwimmer PLOT Monica

makes holiday candy for the neighbors. Ross buys Phoebe her first

bike. Rachel's pornographic workplace evaluation of Tag "Sweet

Cheeks" Jones accidentally gets sent to Human Resources. CRITIQUE

Although Rachel and Tag's inappropriate behavior continues to

entertain, the candy subplot leaves a bad taste in our mouths.

Plus, despite Ross' sweet gesture, the wheels quickly fall off

the Phoebe bike-riding story line. C

155 THE ONE WITH THE HOLIDAY ARMADILLO--W Malins D Halvorson PLOT

It's Chandler and Monica's first Christmas as a betrothed couple.

Ross gets Ben for the holiday. Phoebe, preparing to move back

into her old apartment, hatches a plan (involving drums and a

tarantula) to get Rachel to ditch Joey and become her roomie

again. BEST LINE "My favorite part is when Superman flew all the

Jews out of Egypt." (Chandler, about Ross' Joey-assisted

explanation of Chanukah) CRITIQUE Something about the holidays

makes the Friends go loopy: Sure, there are chuckles to be had

watching Ross dress up--for Ben's benefit--as the title's armadillo

(the Santa suits were taken), but the rest of the ep is

positively Grinch-like with the yuks. C

156 THE ONE WITH ALL THE CHEESECAKES--W Goldberg-Meehan D Halvorson

PLOT After Chandler steals a neighbor's cheesecake, he and Rachel

become obsessed with the confection. Monica's peeved she wasn't

invited to her cousin's wedding. Phoebe's ex-boyfriend David (a

scientist who moved to Russia) returns. CREATIVE CASTING Azaria

returns as David, last seen in Episode 9. Gina Belafonte (Harry's

daughter) as a wedding guest. CRITIQUE Not exactly packed with

laughs (although an incensed Monica is always a joy to behold),

this baby's main highlight is watching softhearted Joey try to

console Phoebe, who's beside herself because the only guy she's

"ever been crazy about" is heading back to Minsk. C [4]

157 THE ONE WHERE THEY'RE UP ALL NIGHT--W Rosenblatt D Bright

PLOT Sleeplessness all around as Ross and Joey get stuck on the

roof, Chandler and Monica suffer bouts of insomnia, Phoebe

battles a fire alarm, and Rachel and Tag search for some missing

contracts she claims she put on his desk. BEST LINE "I'd prefer

not to answer that right now, I'm still carrying a little

holiday weight." (Ross, when Joey--whom he's using as a human

ladder--asks him his weight) CRITIQUE If not for Ross and Joey's

slapstick on a fire escape (and a cute scene between Rachel and

slyer-than-he-looks Tag), this ep would be a snooze. As for that

annoying fire alarm sound--we'd take a half hour of Janice's

laugh over that sucker. C

158 THE ONE WHERE ROSITA DIES--W Teleplay by Buckner/Jones; story by

Bilsing/Plummer D Stephen Prime PLOT The dead woman in question

is actually Joey's Barcalounger (which Rachel accidentally

destroys). Ross and Monica's parents are selling their home.

Phoebe gets a telemarketing job. HISTORIC MOMENT The first of

four supersized eps, which ran 40 minutes to combat CBS' Survivor

2. CREATIVE CASTING Jason Alexander as Earl, the suicidal office

manager, whom Phoebe cold-calls. BEST LINE "Chandler?" (Phoebe,

when Earl says "I've been working for 10 years now at this

meaningless dead-end job and nobody here even knows that I

exist") CRITIQUE Not much to hang your humor hat on here, unless

you think Monica's moldy childhood tchotchkes (or her newly

inherited Porsche) are funny. And what's with the plug for

La-Z-Boy's (fictional) E-cliner 3000 (which Chandler tells us

"Sit magazine called chair of the year")? Jason Alexander, call

your agent. C [3] [4]

159 THE ONE WHERE THEY ALL TURN THIRTY--W Teleplay by

Bilsing/Plummer; story by Vanessa McCarthy D Ben Weiss PLOT

Rachel's 30th birthday gives the gang a chance to flash back to

how they all dealt with the milestone--Ross bought a sports car,

Phoebe rode a mile on a Hippity-Hop; Joey cursed God; that sort

of thing. Oh, yeah, and Rachel breaks up with Tag. BEST LINE "And

girls, this thing is a godsend, if you know what I mean."

(Phoebe, straddling the Hippity-Hop) CRITIQUE Rachel being bummed

about being hubby- and childless is predictable, but the part

where Phoebe learns she's really a year older than she thought is

a from-left-field hoot. Ditto Monica's drunken turn at her

black-tie birthday party. But the apex comes when Ross enlists

the gang to free his new wheels from between two parked

cars--"lift and slide" is the gut-busting descendant of "Pivot!"

B+ [3]

160 THE ONE WITH JOEY'S NEW BRAIN--W Teleplay by Reich/Cohen; story

by Bilsing/Plummer D Bright PLOT Joey's character is coming out

of his coma on DOOL (Days of Our Lives). In honor of Chandler's

half-Scottish heritage, Ross plans to play the bagpipes at M&C's

wedding. Phoebe and Rachel vie for a date with a guy who left his

cell phone at Central Perk. CREATIVE CASTING Susan Sarandon as

beverage-throwing, soon-to-be-fired soap diva Cecilia Monroe

(whose brain Joey's character is inheriting). CRITIQUE Monroe and

Joey's romantic fling helps block the pain of Ross' bagpiping,

and bless the writer who came up with the gag about Joey

confusing Guadalajara with LaGuardia (Airport). B [4]

161 THE STUFF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN--W Crane/Kauffman D Bright PLOT

Conan O'Brien hosts what is essentially a Friends blooper special

that also milks seven years of nostalgia. HISTORIC MOMENTS We

revisit Rachel's short haircut, Marcel the monkey, the sextet's

fave fart jokes, and the piece de resistance: Monica dancing up a

storm in her fat suit. CRITIQUE The Mona Lisa of flashback eps.

Along with highlighting the cast's unparalleled chemistry and the

writers' strokes of genius, this pretty much supplies a

half-hour's worth of raison d'etre for the episode guide you

currently hold. A

162 THE ONE WITH THE TRUTH ABOUT LONDON--W Teleplay by Rosenblatt;

story by Buckner/Jones D Schwimmer PLOT Ross asks Rachel to watch

Ben. M&C are searching for an officiant. Joey decides to be

ordained over the Internet. INTRODUCES Fat Joey (in a

what-if-he'd-married-Monica scene). Historic Moment We find out

what led to M&C's jumping into the sack: Monica was drunk and

needy, and Chandler was--needy. BEST LINE "Internet ministers can

still have sex, right?" (Joey) CRITIQUE Rachel teaches Ben a

bunch of practical jokes to play on dad, but the ep's best parts

revolve around M&C's fateful night in London, including the

revelation that Monica was originally looking for a meaningless

hookup with Joey. Mr. Tribbiani definitely wins the ep's MVP

award for his surprisingly poignant tribute to M&C's

relationship. B+

163 THE ONE WITH THE CHEAP WEDDING DRESS--W Teleplay by Reich/Cohen;

story by Buckner/Jones D Bright PLOT A gown war between Monica

and a fellow bride-to-be results in her having to choose between

her favorite dress and Chandler's favorite wedding band. Joey and

Ross date the same girl. CREATIVE CASTING Andrea Bendewald

(Suddenly Susan) as the bride-to-be. Gabrielle Union (City of

Angels) as Friends' first black love interest. BEST LINE "I have

an oily T-zone." (Ross, to Joey, who makes fun of him for having

face cream) CRITIQUE The Good: We get a short but sweet taste of

Type-A Monica (before she gives up the gown). The Bad: yet

another Friends-vying-for-the-same-date plot? The (delightfully)

Ugly: Joey and Ross dish on each other in front of the girl

(e.g., Joey tells her Ross slept in the same bed as a monkey,

Ross brings up the fact that Joey was literally the poster boy

for gonorrhea). C [4]

164 THE ONE WITH JOEY'S AWARD--W Teleplay by Boyle; story by

Bilsing/Plummer D Halvorson PLOT Joey is nominated for a Soapie

(the third most prestigious soap award). One of Ross' male

students apparently has a crush on him. Monica freaks about all

the stuff she'll have to give up for marriage. CREATIVE CASTING

Kyle Howard (Grosse Pointe) as one of the students. BEST LINE

"You're getting married; this is all I have." (Rachel, vying with

Monica to be Joey's Soapie date) CRITIQUE Oh, the delicious irony

of watching the gang (who, aside from Kudrow, have been

criminally deprived of deserved Emmys) riff on awards-show

craziness, including the gracious-loser face. Kudos to Schwimmer

for Ross' classroom impersonation of a 'raptor's high-pitched

call. But overall, a middling affair. B [4]

165 THE ONE WITH ROSS AND MONICA'S COUSIN--W Reich/Cohen D Halvorson

PLOT Joey's auditioning for a movie that requires full-frontal

nudity. M&C swear off sex until marriage. Ross and Monica's

cousin Cassie visits. CREATIVE CASTING Denise Richards as Cassie.

Mo Gaffney as one of Joey's auditioners. BEST LINE "A no-sex

pact, huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman

in America." (Ross) CRITIQUE The Cassie story is thin but

effective: Chandler, Ross, even Phoebe get the hots for her, with

Ross' seduction providing the most tickled ribs. Monica's

attempts to fashion a foreskin for Joey (who needs one to get the

part) pay off with a double-sided-tape-and-luncheon-meat joke,

and a perfect Silly Putty sight-gag kicker. B+ [4]

166 THE ONE WITH RACHEL'S BIG KISS--W Goldberg-Meehan/Silveri D

Halvorson PLOT Rachel kisses a girl. Chandler goes tux shopping

at Ralph Lauren. CREATIVE CASTING Winona Ryder, as Rachel's

kissable sorority sis. BEST LINE "I was Chi Mega Tampon."

(Phoebe, making up sorority roots) CRITIQUE There was some decent

competition for best line honors (Monica's "A little tight? I

could see double 0 and 7 in those" reaction to Chandler's Pierce

Brosnan cast-off tux), but didn't Roseanne and Ellen exhaust the

whole lesbian-buss intrigue long ago? B [4]

167 THE ONE WITH THE VOWS--W Abrams D Halvorson PLOT M&C's

wedding-vow writer's block creates an excuse to flash back to the

milestones of their relationship. NEW 'DO Chandler BEST LINE

"Sweetie, you know I have no sense of humor when it comes to the

wedding." (Monica) CRITIQUE A clip show that manages to amuse and

tug at the heartstrings. After all, who can resist another shot

of Fat Monica, Chandler's Flock of Seagulls college hairdo, and

that candlelit proposal? B+

168 THE ONE WITH CHANDLER'S DAD--W Teleplay by Buckner/Jones;

story by Malins D Halvorson/Bright PLOT Monica arranges a trip

to Vegas so Chandler can patch things up with his drag-queen dad

and invite him to the wedding. Rachel commandeers Monica's

Porsche. INTRODUCES Kathleen Turner as Chandler's dad

(brilliant). Jake, Phoebe's date, played by Troy Norton.

Actually, he first appeared in Episode 164, but who knew he'd:

A) pop back up, B) be into wearing Phoebe's undies. CREATIVE

CASTING Kelly Ripa's husband, Mark Consuelos (All My Children),

as the cop who stops Rachel. Alexis Arquette (Courteney's

bro-in-law) as a snippy waiter at the drag show. BEST LINE "It's

all very 'cat's in the cradle,' I don't want to get into it."

(Chandler, on his father-son relationship) CRITIQUE Once you get

past the woman-playing-a-man-dressed-as-a-woman concept, and

that tender-but-awkward Bing boys reunion, there's not much

left. The Porsche plot (starring scaredy-cat driver Ross and

aggressive speedster Rachel) crashes and burns. B [3] [4]

169-179 THE ONE WITH MONICA AND CHANDLER'S WEDDING PART 1 & 2--W

Part 1: Malins; Part 2: Crane/Kauffman D Bright PLOT Chandler,

who picks the night before his wedding to start flipping out

about marriage, goes MIA. Speaking of which: Joey gets a role in

a WWI-themed movie. CREATIVE CASTING Gary Oldman as the

alcohol-soaked acting legend playing opposite Joey. BEST LINE

"So, are you his mother or his father?" (A confused Jack Geller,

to Chandler's mom, a.k.a. Morgan Fairchild) CRITIQUE It may be

M&C's big day, but Ross (who sweetly coaxes the butterflies out

of Chandler's stomach) and Rachel (who appears to be holding the

short end of a positive pregnancy-test stick--genius!)

practically walk off with the show. Still, the couple of the

hour do goose your tear ducts with their touching wedding vows.

All in all an A ep, if not for Joey and Oldman's maddeningly

ludicrous on-set adventures. B+ [3] [4]

Look for more on Friends, including recaps of Season 8's

episodes, at www.ew.com (AOL Keyword: EW.com)

[BOX]

[KEY]

[[1] Ugly Naked Guy Sighting]

[[2] Phoebe Song Alert]

[[3] Parental Pop-In]

[[4] Celeb Drop-In (Non-recurring)]

Illustration/Photos:

COLOR PHOTO: WARNER BROS. TV

THE OPPOSITE OF SEX Phoebe and Rachel like City girl Davis more

than boyfriend Joey does

COLOR PHOTO: WARNER BROS. TV

WHAT'S THE 'DILLO? Ross' holiday garb begs the question

TWO COLOR PHOTOS: WARNER BROS. TV

WEDDING, BELLES (1) M&C marry; (2) Ryder's sorority sis