Kid wordlessly passed the baby to Rachel and followed Teaspoon and Danny out onto the porch.  When they'd walked silently over to stand by the corral, the marshal spun on the two men.  "Alright, now what in tarnation is this all about?" he demanded.  "We'll start with you Mr. Keaggy, and you'd best give me a good explanation for why you two was fightin' in the state you was in."  He gestured to Danny's still skewed clothing before crossing his arms to await the explanation.

Danny quietly looked to the toes of his boots.  He'd reacted so stupidly tonight.  He had no idea what had possessed him to say those things to her, knowing full well how much they'd hurt Louise.  You allowed your frustration and jealousy to errode your ethics, Danny-boy, he told himself.  God, he'd never hit a woman in his life and he still couldn't believe he'd actually hit Lou.  He'd meant every word he'd said to her.  He did love her, but this night's fiasco had just convinced him that even if she did marry him, she'd never be his.  Guilt and anger over his own actions caused him to swallow hard.  He wanted to come clean with the marshal, but he wasn't so sure Louise wanted the details of their intimate moment known.

Keaggy looked up at Teaspoon and sighed.  "I'll admit it looks bad," he said slowly, "but you have to believe me that I was not forcing myself on Louise.  Unfortunately, I can't tell you my side of the whole story until Louise does.  Things got out of hand tonight and I don't know if she'd be comfortable with me saying much in mixed company."

The man looked so pitiful standing there like a schoolboy taken to the woodshed that Teaspoon sighed and ran a hand over his eyes.  "Alright, we'll wait 'til Lou wakes up and ask her, but if her story even hints that you...."

Kid listened to the conversation and stared at his employer, flabbergasted.  "You're gonna let him off just like that?  Even if he didn't force himself on her, the man hit her, Teaspoon," Kid insisted.  His eyes narrowed as he glared daggers at Danny.  "Just look at 'im.  He certainly tried somethin' with her!"

Danny shook his head slightly.  He felt incredibly sorry for the man before him who couldn't see just how much the woman in question wanted him.  But he was also angry at Kid beyond belief.  Danny knew the story.  It had been Kid who couldn't accept Louise for who she was, who'd demanded she marry him and then turned his back on her instead of waiting until the time was right.

"You just can't admit to yourself that she may actually have wanted what happened between us tonight, can you?  That she may truly have moved on like you did?" Danny said softly, his green eyes flashing with Irish temper.  He stepped closer to Kid, his voice conspiratorial.  "So, exactly how long was it after Louise left that you and Miss Wilson announced your engagement, Travis?  A day?  A week?  Or did you go ask her before the dust even had time to settle?"

With a low snarl, Kid reached for Keaggy's throat but was thwarted from his goal as Teaspoon bodily shoved the two men apart.  "That's enough, goddammit!" he shouted, taking Kid by the collar.  "Keaggy, get yourself to bed.  Bright and early we'll put an end to this one way or another."  He heard the other man's footsteps as he walked back to his room in the tackroom.  When he was gone, Teaspoon let go of Kid's collar, gratified slightly as he watched the younger man wince and rub at the place where the material had bitten into his skin.

The older man looked at his adopted son sadly.  As a man who'd had six wives before his present one, Teaspoon Hunter could relate to the conflicts that ocurred when one's sexual or romantic past came calling.  He knew that the feelings his two former riders had once shared had come back to haunt them both with thoughts of what might have been.  He just hoped they came to their senses soon.  "You wanna talk about it, Kid?" Teaspoon asked, his voice gentler now.

Kid's head snapped up guiltily like a child having been caught sleeping in church.  "'Bout what?"

"'Bout those ghosts hauntin' you, makin' you look like you're 'bout ready to jump right outta yer skin."

He knows, Kid thought.  He sighed and looked away.  "God, I hope it ain't that plain to see," he muttered.  "I just can't get away from her."

Teaspoon looked at him quizzically.  "Lou?" he asked.  Kid nodded in defeat, his eyes cast forlornly to the ground.  Hunter placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.  "It ain't obvious.  I just been where you're at is all," he assured the younger man.  "Too many times to count.  Don't tell me, you're tryin' to decide if what you feel for Lou is stronger than what you feel for Laura."

"Sorta," Kid admitted.  Actually, Teaspoon couldn't be further from the truth.  He already knew that what he felt for Lou was stronger than what he felt for Laura.  The problem was, did Lou feel the same way and was Kid willing to lay his heart out on the line again knowing that it may very likely get broken a second time?  "I just don't know, Teaspoon.  One minute I'm ready to break things off with Laura and ride out here to tell Lou how I feel and other times....  If I let myself fall in love with her again and she leaves, God, there won't be anythin' left of me."

Teaspoon shuddered at the thought.  He distinctly remembered the day Kid had ridden out on yet another mission to find Lou.  When he'd returned, two days later than he'd said he would, everyone at the station could see that all his searching had been in vain.  Without a word, Kid had dropped Katy off at the station and saddled another horse before taking off at a full gallop.  The next day, he and Laura Wilson had ridden in together.  While Kid caught up on at least a week of sleepless nights, Laura had explained how she'd come across him down at the old swimming hole, aimlessly spinning the cylinder of his pistol.  The vacant look in his eyes had told her everything and through patient reasoning, cajoling, and finally pleading, she'd gotten him to relinquish the gun.  Kid had despaired enough that he'd decided to end his sorrows with one well-aimed bullet.  He'd planned it so well that the riders and Rachel would never have found the boy's letter until it had been too late.

Kid glanced over at the man who'd been like a father to him and saw the horrified concern on the man's face.  "Oh, Lord, Teaspoon no.  I ain't talkin' about that!" he assured him.  "I been down that hell-road and I ain't intendin' to pay another visit."

He'd been unrecognizeable to even himself the day he'd decided to take his own life.  Kid barely remembered the event, the pictures in his head swirling and murky like muddied water after the rain.  He just remembered feeling like he was standing on the edge of a deep, dark chasm, the thoughts in his head telling him it would be easier to just sleep forever.  Suicide was a sin and the coward's way out, he'd always believed that.  That was until he, himself, stood at the edge of the chasm and looked down.  Kid was thankful every day that Laura had come riding by when she did and talked him out of it.  I wonder if I was so grateful to her that I overlooked those things I'm seein' now, he thought.  Could it be that what he felt for her all along had merely been gratitude and not the love he'd thought?

"Well, that's good to hear," Teaspoon grinned.  "You ain't gotta go through anythin' alone, ya know that.  Like I said, family's family and we'll always be here for ya when ya need us.  Now on to that other thing...."  The older man's voice raised slightly to indicate he was ready to dispense some of his world renowned advice.  "Life is full of risks, Kid.  Don't none of us know what the next day'll bring.  Lou will never be able to tell you if she feels the same way if'n ya don't take a risk and ask her.  Ya know, I once heard tell that a life half lived ain't no life at all.  Either go or get out the outhouse."

More priceless advice from the mouth of wisdom, Kid thought sarcastically, trying not to laugh.  "Who told ya that last bit or did ya come up with that yourself?" he inquired curiously.

"I'll have you know, son, that my mama used to say that all the time," the marshal replied indignantly.  He clapped a hand on Kid's shoulder as they strolled back to the bunkhouse.  "Now, I do believe that with Louise sleepin', you and a certain baby have a date with some soap and water."
 

It was absolutely quiet in the bunkhouse except for the clock ticking on the mantle as Louise awoke.  She opened her eyes cautiously and saw by the gray light peeking into the windows that it was early morning.  The men were all asleep, that she could tell by the assorted snores and deep breathing she heard.  The fire was low but still warm, casting its yellow light on the walls and objects nearest it.

Her head throbbed like the bass drum the band had played at the St. Patrick's Day Parade in Denver.  Last night was fuzzy in her memory.  Lou remembered the intimate moment she'd shared with Danny that had been shattered by her inability to drown out her memories of Kid.  Painfully, she remembered the heated words she'd said and that she'd hit her old friend.  At that point was when the images blurred.  There was a gunshot, Louise remembered, and her screaming like a banshee at Kid.  Then there was dizziness and movement that made her want to throw up, Lexi's cries, Rachel's concerned face leaning over her, and someone stroking her hair.  Slowly, she reached up and felt the side of her head.  Her hair was slightly matted there and lights exploded behind her eyes as she probed the lump there.  She'd hit her head on something, she knew.  Another thing she knew was that she definitely was not looking forward to looking in the mirror that morning.

Biting her lip to keep from groaning, Louise turned her head further to the side.  In a chair next to the bunk she lay in, sat Kid tilted back against the wall and sound asleep with Lexi curled up into a little ball beneath the blanket on his father's chest.  Sitting up carefully, Louise leaned against the wall and watched the two sleep, longing to imprint the scene on her heart and mind.  Kid always looked so innocent in his sleep with that one curl that was constantly falling onto his forehead and those long lashes.  Lexi was looking more and more like his father everyday and it grieved her to no end that she couldn't provide her child with a more stable home with a mother and father who loved each other.  Louise had always sworn that she would give her own children at least that.  She didn't care if they were poor, as long as her children had the loving home she'd never had.  In fact, that was one of the very first promises she and Kid had made to their future children during the first time they'd ever talked about their future together.

Lexi began to whimper and stir and Louise was afraid he'd either fall off Kid's chest or Kid would wake up quickly and scare the boy into a full blown howl.  So, she stood and stealthily crossed to lift the baby from his perch.  It must be about six, she realized, because that was roughly the time when he woke for breakfast.  Although early, it was a convenient time for Louise, who, even though she was weaning the baby onto a bottle, still nursed him when he woke in the morning and just before putting him to bed.

Holding on to objects around the room, she gathered his things and changed him, smiling as he opened his eyes and grinned up at her.  Lexi began to jabber and coo in his own babytalk language as if he were telling Louise the most outlandish stories and she hoped he didn't wake the others.

She bent over and nuzzled his nose with hers, his blue eyes crossing as he tried to look at her.  "You tellin' me stories?" Lou whispered to the little boy.  Lexi automatically reached for a long tendril of hair that tickled his face and tried to eat it.  "Oh, no you don't, not Mama's hair!"  She pried the tendril loose and picked him up again, cradling him in her arm as she undid her shirtwaist so he could nurse.

As the baby lost interest in anything other than breakfast, Louise stroked his downy head with a soft chuckle.  "Well, you certainly are your daddy's boy," she whispered.  "You both got a one-track mind."  Her heart skipped and she felt a rush of warmth every time she referred to Kid as "Daddy."  Sometimes she'd watch the two of them play when Kid wasn't aware, and she'd feel such a longing for him that it was almost physical.  It took her breath away and made her knees tremble.  What was it about seeing a grown man playing peek-a-boo, his rich laughter mingling with the baby's giggles, that made her want to melt?

Lost in her thoughts, Lou, who sat Indian-style on the bunk she'd slept in, leaned her back against the wall.  She was caught up in the stillness, the only sound piercing the quiet being the soft, rhythmic sounds of Lexi nursing and her own voice softly humming.  Before long, Louise had the nerve-wracking feeling that she was being watched.  Slowly, she opened her heavy eyes to find Kid staring at her, his eyes dark as skies heralding a summer storm.  She should be nervous or embarassed or something but she wasn't.  She didn't even look away when his gaze left hers briefly before returning, a look of admiration and awe imprinted there.  Lou felt the warmth travel through her and smiled demurely before lowering her eyes to the dozing baby.

Kid had been awakened by her soft whisper and his son's giggle in the stillness.  He'd feigned sleep for a few moments, just watching them through half-opened eyes until he couldn't resist watching them fully.  Even with one side of her face bruised and her hair matted with dried blood from her head wound, she was beautiful.  She'd carried his child, his son, for nine months before giving birth to him all alone in pain and anguish.  Kid could see the love Louise held for their son in every movement, every look, and it filled him with all kinds of warmth and gratitude.  But there was also something else there, something unspoken and dark.  He shook his head, thankful she wasn't paying attention as he realized he was actually jealous of his own son.  The thought was disturbing but true--Kid wished that he was the recipient of all that time and attention.

When Lou looked up at him, he knew she could read his very thoughts--part of him wanted her to.  A long moment later, her eyelashes fluttered and she smiled a Madonna's smile at him, peering at him from beneath her lashes before returning her attention to the baby.  It was then he knew.  He'd been given his answer in the form of a flirtatious smile.  She still loved him!
 

Chapter 12