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Homers Quotes
Here you will find even more Homer Quotes that I have gathered from my different books and different internet sites that I found. Thanks to all the web sites I got these off of. Hope you dont mind. If you do, or you just want to make a suggestion or comment, please feel free to email me.
Lisa: Who will police the police?
(Homer goes on to explain that he never passed Science 101.)
Marge: But, Homer! You're a Nuclear Technician.
Homer: Then you start to cry like a sissy, When he turns away disgustedly, That's the time to kick some back!
[Sound of TV switched off]
Homer: Well, its been two long trips but we're finally almost there again!
Lisa: [Gasp] Oh NO! We left Grampa back at the gas station!
[Silence]
Lisa : What about Grampa?
[Car continues obliviously]
Wiggum: Ha! And to think, those idiot environmentalists were protesting
this landfill!
[Time fade]
(Hitting table in unison with words, like a chant)
Homer : "Where's my Burrito? Where's my Burrito?"
[coffee truck door falls on his head]
Homer & Bart: Ding Dong, the witch is dead...
Ned: We're done for! We're done-diddly-done-for! We're
Done-diddly-doodly-done-diddly-doodly done-diddly-doodly
Barney: What's that?
Homer: Well, you can't go wrong with cocktail weenies - they come wrapped in this tasty little package and are served with a delicious red sauce: it looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, BUT BROTHER, IT AIN'T KETCHUP!
Bart: These uniforms suck!
Bart & Lisa: Dad, we're not wieners.
WRL Guy: Here's is a few places we've got in mind for you. Terror Lake, Cape Fear, Screamville..
Enjoy!
Homer: Kids, if he (Grandpa) starts acting weird, lead him down into the basement.
Homer: Kids, Kids, I'm not gonna die. That only happens to bad people!
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Err...He sold poisoned milk to school children!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Hey, I'm just trying to make it easier on them...
(From the catburglar episode when Homer begins a vigilante group. They begin breaking a ton of laws themselves.)
Homer: I dunna know, Coast Guard?
When Lisa is reading the list of things Homer wants his group to
accomplish:
Lisa: ... World domination???!!!
Homer: Oops! That must be a mistake.
Brain to Homer: Mental note -- the girl knows too much.
Homer’s Brain: Uh, oh. It's time you told Marge your secret.
Homer: Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
Marge: Oh, my gosh!
Brain: No, the other secret.
Homer: Marge, I never passed high school.
Marge: That still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it does.
Homer: Marge! Icksnay on the Uclearnay EchnicianTay.
Marge: What did you say?
Homer: I don't know. I flunked Latin, too.
Homer: ...sure, IN theeoory, in theory communism works...
Just after he has been serenaded to by Lurleen, Country & Western
singer:
Homer: Whoooa, that's hot. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't get turned on by that. Well, goodbye!
Homer : Hey there, Blimpy Boy, flying through the sky so fancy.. free..
[Breaks into tears]
Homer: When I was seventeen
I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer I purchased
With a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee
I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was seventeen
(Homer giving fighting advice to Bart.)
Homer: Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!
Homer: Alright Brain...Its all up to you!
Homer: I'm hittin' the road. Maybe I'll drop you a line some day from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world.
Homer: I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some cry babies out there, religious types mostly, who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now. Come on! I dare ya! Buwack buck buck buck buck buck buck buck Buwack buck buck buck, Chicken!
Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer something, something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: DON'T MIND IF I DO! WHARGHLULULU WHUR LALULUBRGLUBLU HAHUHAHU WOODWOOD HALULAOGH!
Marge: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Homer: Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there!
Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?
Homer: D'OH!
Marge: Homer, when you locked the front door did you remember to lock the back door?
Homer: D'OH!, D'OH!
[After Homer & Cheif Wiggum drive off a cliff and their impending
death is stopped by the car landing in a huge pile of rubbish...]
Homer: Solid waste! I could kiss you! MWUA! eugh! MWUA! ooh! MWUA!
aah! MWUA! ooh! I think this one's pizza!
Homer: How much does this job pay?
Lenny: Nothin'
Homer: D'oh!
Lenny: Unless you're crooked.
Homer: Woohoo!
Homer: I got this scar in the strike of '88.
Burns: We don't have to be adversaries Homer, we both want a fair
Union contract...
Homer's Brain: Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
Burns: ...and if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!
H Brain: Wait a minute, is he coming onto me?
Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's
the harm?
H Brain: Oh my God! He is coming onto me!
Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bed-fellows,
[Friendly Laugh]
H Brain: Ahhhh!
Homer: Sorry Mr Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor
shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious,
but the answer is no!
Lisa: Do you think you can get the dental plan back?
Homer: Well, that depends on who's a better negotiator. Mr. Burns
or Me!
Bart: Dad! I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy
old danish.
Homer: Done and done! Heh Heh Heh!
[Bart eats danish, while Homer's action sinks in ever so slowly into
his brain]
Homer: D'OH!
Homer: Ooooh! Punch!
Lisa: Eww! Dad! This is BLOOD!
Homer: Correction, free blood!
Lisa: Mom! Dad! Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he's got Bart!
Burns: Why, Bart is right here!
Bart: Hello Mother. Hello Father. I missed you during my uneventful
absence.
Homer: Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart is a vampire! Beer kills
brain-cells! Now lets go back to that...building...thingy...
where our beds and TV...is.
Lisa: You must drive this stake right through his heart
[Sounds of Homer Opening coffin]
Homer: Take that vile FIEND!
[Homer plunges stake into body, repeatedly hammering]
Lisa: Ah...Dad, that's his crotch.
Homer: Ho Ho Ho, Sorry!
Homer: Kill my boss?!? Do I dare live out the american dream?
Homer: Heh Heh Heh, Lisa. Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!
"My baloney has a first name, its h-o-m-e-r,
My baloney has a second name, its h-o-m-e-r..."
Homer: Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my
belly to hear my girlish laugh...
Homer: Come, to Homercles.
Homer & Bart: I saw the spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost
my poor meatball...
Marge: If you don't mind!?!, we're on our way to a funeral.
Bart: Which old witch?
Homer: The wicked witch!
Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer!
(Ned, his boy, Homer, and Bart, are stranded in the middle of the ocean
in their raft. They've been there for days, and Flanders has been cool
calm and collective the whole time.....then he loses it)
Homer: (Slapping Ned from left to right)
Flanders! Get a Hold of Yourself!
(He stops slapping for a moment, Ned has calmed down)
Ned: Thanks, Homer....I really...
(Homer begins slapping him again)
Bart: Dad! I think he gets the point!
Homer: (Slap) Better (Slap) To be (Slap) Safe (Slap) Than (Slap) Sorry
(Slap)........sorry.
Ned: diddly (Slap)
Homer: Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
(Homer sleepily defending his sugar, in a Hispanic-accented voice,
paraphrased)
Homer: In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power,
then you get the women.
Devil Flanders: Alright Simpson, you get your soul back... but let that ill-gotten donut be forever on your head!
Homer: AHHHH!
[Sounds of Homer greedily eating bits of his donut head]
Marge: Homer, stop picking at it!
Homer: Aww...but I'm so sweet and tasty! Oh well, time to go to work.
Zombie Flanders: Hey Simpson! I'm feeling a mite peckish, mind if I
chew your EAR?
[Homer kills Zombie Flanders]
Bart: Dad! You killed the Zombie Flanders!
Homer: He was a Zombie?
Homer: Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It
was just sitting in some guy's boat!
Bart: Good morning, Father dear! Hope your well.
Lisa: Are we taking the new Lexus to Aunt Patty and Selma's
funeral today?
Homer: Hmm...Fabulous house...Well-behaved kids...Sisters-in-law
dead...Luxury Sedan...WOOHOO! I hit the jackpot! Marge dear,
would you kindly pass me a donut?
Marge: Donut? What's a donut?
Homer: "AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH!"
[Sounds of Homer making a furious time-travel exit, donuts start falling from the sky]
Marge: Oh look, its raining again.
Homer: What's the meaning of life?
God: Sorry, you have to wait until you die.
Homer: But I can't wait that long.
God: You can't wait 3 months?
Homer: No!!
God: Oh OK.. The meaning of life is...[Simpson music]
[Moe's gimmicky restaurant is getting underway and a huge fryer arrive soutside... quote is not verbatim]
Moe: It's a deep-fryer...I picked it up from the Navy. That baby can flash-fry a buffalo in under 40 seconds.
Homer: 40 seconds?...Awwww, but I want it now!
[Homer talking to Sideshow Bob, discussing what sort of appetizer to serve
at Bob & Selma's wedding]
[Homer talking on phone to friend, while Bart comes into kitchen with Lisa.]
Marge: Bart, where are do you learn this language?
Homer: [on phone] Boy, Larry, that was suckiest game last night with two sucky teams.All the players sucked, it just plain sucked. Oh, Got to go, my damn wiener kids are listening. [click]
Homer: Nice, clothes, HEHEHEHE!
(The Witness Relocation Episode)
Homer: [Giddily] Oh, Ice creamville?
WRL Guy: No Screamville.
Homer: Ahhhhhhhhhhh [in that terrrified scream he has]
Marge: Homer we never have parties.
Homer: What about that huge one, you know with champagne, a band, a lot of holy men or somehting.
Marge: Homer that was our wedding.
Even More Quotes
