F•A•N
F•I•C•T•I•O•N
Titanic Crossover
Note: First of all, I’m really bored, that’s the reason why I’m writing this fanfic. And second, this is a C+M fic, and they are the only Friends characters in the whole thing (except for Joey). And third - this is a parody of Titanic. It’s supposed to be weird like that!
[Scene: the stern. Chandler is standing there, like, well, you know.]
CHANDLER: I’m the king of the world!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Scene: 3rd class deck. Chandler and Joey are sitting on a bench doing nothing.]
JOEY: This is the most boring voyage I’ve ever been on!!
CHANDLER: It’s the only voyage you’ve ever been on.
JOEY: Still... [He sees a seagull crapping on a guy’s head.]
JOEY: [smiling] And it just got a little better!! [He sees that Chandler is staring up at B deck, where Monica is standing.]
JOEY: What are you looking at? [sees her] Wow! She’s hot!!
[Scene: Monica’s stateroom. Pete comes in with a necklace (you know what necklace I’m talking about). He puts it on her.]
PETE: Do you like it? It’s the Heart of the Ocean.
MONICA: Eh, well, it’s ok.
PETE: Just ok? It’s the most expensive diamond I could get!!
MONICA: It’s kinda tacky.
[Scene: The deck. Monica is running to the back of the ship. She gets there and is about to climb over the rail when Chandler comes behind her.]
CHANDLER: [suddenly] What are you doing?
MONICA: [gasps] Oh!! You scared me! [pause] I hate Pete. And all his stupid money!! And most of all, I hate that necklace!
CHANDLER: Ok, calm down! Look, if you hate him so much, why don’t you just dump him?
MONICA: That makes sense...
CHANDLER: Yeah, and then you can just take that necklace and throw it in the ocean. Which, of course, is a very alternative to throwing yourself in the ocean.
MONICA: Yeah...I’m just going to walk out on him and throw away that stupid heart thing... Thanks for helping me --
CHANDLER: Chandler.
MONICA: ...Chandler. My name’s Monica.
CHANDLER: Alright, then, Monica, why don’t we go have a little fun?
[Scene: The party in 3rd class. Irish jig music is playing, people are dancing and having a good time, and well, you get the idea.]
MONICA: Come on, let’s dance!
CHANDLER: Yeah, well, I can’t dance.
MONICA: Come on!! [She pulls him up and they start dancing, but Chandler dances awkwardly.]
CHANDLER: How am I doing?
MONICA: You’re doing ok.
CHANDLER: [hopeful] Really?
MONICA: Nope.
[Scene: The stern. Chandler is there waiting for Monica. Finally, she comes and walks over to him.]
CHANDLER: So, did you break up with him?
MONICA: Yeah.
CHANDLER: How’d he take it?
MONICA: Well, he pushed over a table, but I’m ok. [shrugs]
CHANDLER: Ok...close your eyes.
MONICA: Why?
CHANDLER: Just do it. [Monica does so. Chandler helps her up and holds her arms out. She opens her eyes...]
MONICA: Wow, Chandler...I’m flying! [They kiss.]
[Scene: Monica’s stateroom. She pulls Chandler in and locks the door.]
MONICA: So...you were going to draw me?
CHANDLER: [confused] Huh? I don’t know how to draw...
MONICA: Oh, I don’t know what I was thinking!
[There is a short silence.]
CHANDLER: Wanna have sex?
MONICA: Ok!
[Scene: The deck. It’s 11:35 pm. Chandler and Monica are the only ones there, because it is bitterly cold.]
MONICA: ...and y’know, when we get back to New York, I’ll get off the ship with you.
CHANDLER: And we can go off and do whatever we like with our lives.
MONICA: That sounds perfect.
[They kiss but suddenly the ship turns. A huge iceberg blocks out the starry sky. A horrible scraping sound is heard. Chandler and Monica run to the side of the ship and peer out into the ocean, just as the iceberg disappears in the distance.]
CHANDLER: Uh oh. That can’t be good.
[Scene: The gymnasium. Everybody is waiting there while the crew is out on deck getting the lifeboats ready.]
MONICA: We’ll take the first lifeboat outta here...
CREW MEMBER: [from outside] The boats are ready!! Women and children only!!
MONICA: Or maybe not.
CHANDLER: Why don’t you go? I promise, I’ll get on a boat as soon as I can.
MONICA: No...Chandler...I’m not gonna leave you!!
CHANDLER: Go...come on! [He takes her out on deck and helps her into a lifeboat.]
MONICA: Promise...
CHANDLER: Y’know, help might come before the ship can sink.
MONICA: Yeah, but if it doesn’t...You promise?
CHANDLER: I promise.
[The lifeboat is lowered. Monica looks up at Chandler until she can’t see him anymore. The boat is rowed away from the Titanic...]
[A montage of scenes: Chandler still on the Titanic as everybody crowds to get on a lifeboat; the Titanic at a very sharp tilt; Chandler among the other people trying to get the collapsibles down from the roof of the officers’ quarters; the Titanic breaking in half and sinking.]
[Scene: The Carpathia. Monica has searched for Chandler all over with no luck. She is about to give up, and goes to the rail. She puts her hands in her coat pocket and finds (big surprise!) the necklace. Monica is about to toss it into the ocean when someone puts a hand on her shoulder.]
MONICA: [turning around in surprise] Chandler!! Oh my God! [pause] You have got to stop doing that!
CHANDLER: See, I kept my promise. [They kiss. A familiar tune begins to play...]
MONICA: Hey...what is that?
CHANDLER: It’s some kind of music.
MONICA: Why is there music playing?! Ok, this is getting way too weird!
~END~
[News]
[Tabloids]
[Series Information]
[Spoilers]
[Photos]
[Cast Biographies]
[Couples]
[Kisses]
[Quiz]
[Fan Fiction]
[Phoebe's Songs]
[Media]
[Email Me]
