Scene
1 Tanya talking on the phone in
the dark in the Cooper living room
Tanya
Really? I never thought that I would
have so much in
common with you, but I really do. I love surprises
like that. You know, like when you think you're
mother's high on crack and then you find out she's
only
drunk.
Doug
(walks in the front door)
Tanya
Oh, I gotta go. You too. See you later.
Bye. (hangs up)
Doug
(walks into the living room) Who's there?
Tanya
Misses T.
Doug
Tanya? What are you doing here?
Tanya
Mom's.... let's just say that mom's not
in a very good
mood
tonight.
Doug
Alcohol binge?
Tanya
That's part of it. Along with finding
weed in my room. It's
a
colourful collage. I asked to spend the night.
Doug
(sits down beside her) Who were
you talking to?
Tanya
Oh just never you mind. You wouldn't
understand.
Doug
Tanya, if I understood when you
went through your European
armpit
look phase, I think I can handle anything.
Tanya
So how was work?
Doug
Nice deflecting. Well, work was okay. I'm getting
paid
9 dollars and
hour to sit there and take notes.
It's
great!
Tanya
You do realize that this is only the
training. It's going
to get a
whole lot worse.
Doug
Just like everything else in my
life. What can I say? It's
a crappy
job, but I have bigger things to think about now.
Tanya
Like you and the bitch's baby.
Doug
Tanya, I would apreciate it if
you would stop calling her
a bitch,
she is the mother of my child. Besides, I
prefer the
spawn of satan. It's much more fitting.
Tanya
What can I say? Old habits die hard. We
did hate each other
back in
the glory days. And then you got her pregnant.
Doug
So who were you talking to anyway?
Tanya
Nice deflecting. You got Mira pregnant.
Doug
Well, I see we've hit a
stalemate. Good night. (walks off
down the
hall)
Tanya
(dials) I'm sorry to cut you off like
that, but Doug came
home.
Yeah, that Doug. He's working at the call center
now.....
I would love to go out tomorrow
night. 8
sounds fine..... Good night.
Doug
(runs back to the living room) Ah
ha! You have a boyfriend.
Tanya
I do not. I was talking to my mother.
Doug
You have a date with your mother?
Tanya
When we're in a public place she's
guaranteed not
to hit me.
Doug
I see... you think you're smart
Tanya, but I will find out,
if not
now then later!
Tanya
I pick later.
Doug
Damn, I thought I had intimidated
you.
Tanya
Please Doug, I am the queen of
intimidation. Remember two
years
ago?
Doug
Not so long as I stay on the
meds. But I will find out...
it's
just a matter of time.
Tanya
It's also only a matter of time before
you die of a heart attack.
My
money's on that one.
Doug
(clutches his chest) Damn faulty
Cooper genes.
Scene
2 Liz at the restaurant
Liz
(sitting at a table, reading)
Customer
(enters the restaurant)
Liz
Damn it, and I was just going to find out how
Charlie reacted
to
Lucy's advice. (walks to the front counter)
Smoking
or non?
Customer
There's only 10 tables in here. What difference does
it make?
Liz
If you sit by the kitchen, you get the fumes
from the burning
food. By the door, a fresh breeze every once
in a
while when a customer (chuckles) walks in.
Customer
I'll sit by the door.
Liz
(hands them a menu)
Customer
(sits) What's the special today?
Liz
Pretty much anything you want. All 20% off the
menu price.
customer
What's the catch?
Liz
The portions are 20% smaller.
Customer
Well, that's fair. I'll have the burger combo.
Liz
Coming right up. (walks to the kitchen, leans
on the counter)
Wow,
this is insane, I can't believe how busy it is!
I'd
better call reenforcements. (picks up the phone)
Scene
3 Ellen, Mira and Tanya sitting by
the kitchen table.
Ellen
So anyway...
Mira
(sneezes) Oh my god, I think my
water broke!
Tanya
You're only three months pregnant.
Mira
No wait, that was pee. (runs to
the bathroom)
*
(phone rings)
Ellen
Hello?
*
(split screen)
Liz
Ellen, you've got to get
down here. It's crazy, I don't even
know how
to handle it.
Ellen
Was there a breakout at the mental
hospital again? If so, I'm
not
coming down. The last time that happened, some
nutcase
stalked me for an entire year!
Liz
That was Billy.
Ellen
Whatever.
Liz
No, I'm serious, I'm
running off my feet. Bring Tanya down
too. That'll pay up for us putting a roof over
her head
last night.
Ellen
But you were saving her from an abusive
mother. Isn't
the
oppotunistic?
Liz
Who's the one who charged
her a dollar to use one of their
pillows?
Ellen
That was you.
Liz
Touché. Anyway, just
get down her as soon as you can! (hangs
up)
Tanya
Who was that?
Ellen
Mom. Are you interested in helping out
at the restaurant
for a
bit?
Tanya
Well, I do have mid terms on Monday, but sure. (both walk
to
the door). You think
she'll give me that dollar
back
from last night? (walks outside)
Ellen
Please, she still owes me a dollar from
a tooth I lost in
1995. (walks out and
closes the door)
Mira
(walks back into the kitchen,
looks around) That's strange.
I could
have sworn that Ellen and Tanya were sitting
right
here when I left. Am I hallucinating again?
(grabs
her head)
Doug
(walks up behind her) Hey.
Mira
Good morning.
Doug
How are you?
Mira
Pregnant. You?
Doug
Suffering the consequences. You
never did tell how it went
with your parents.
Mira
Not so well. I went there...
Doug
Mira, I would love to talk more,
but I'll be late for
training. And then I have to stalk Tanya.
Mira
Stalk Tanya?
Doug
She's hiding something from me,
and I think it has something
to do
with the UV lights she installed in her closet.
She said
it's for suntanning, but I ain't buying it.
Mira
Doug, we need to talk.
Doug
Later Mira, we'll talk about
everything. Just after tonight.
(walks
out the door)
Mira
Doug! (bangs the table) I really
am in this alone. Oh my god,
I'm white
trash! (buries her head in her hands)
Scene
4 The restauarant
Liz
(talking to a customer) Sir, I understand that
you want a blizzard,
but I don't
serve ice cream here.
Customer
I want to see a blizzard!
Liz
You're gonna see a blizzard of stars if you
don't shut the hell up!
Customer
Fine then, I'll just have ice cream.
Liz
(irritated) I'll see what I can do. (turns)
Customer 2
Ma'am, could I trouble you for a glass of water?
Liz
No you couldn't. But thanks for asking.
Tanya
(walks in the door)
Liz
(runs up to her, hugs her) Oh Sonny, thank god
you're here.
Tanya
My name is Tanya.
Liz
And my name is Liz but I don't get all huffy
about it. Can you
start waitressing?
Ellen
(runs in behind her, rubbing her arm)
Thanks alot Tanya.
Tanya
Look, if you wanna play punch buggy
with me, be prepared for the
consequenses. I am extremely competitive. Was the demise
of Doug
not lesson enough?
Liz
Yeah so anyway, you take orders, and I'll see
what I can do. (runs
to the
kitchen)
Ellen
Wow, why are there so many people here?
People usually avoid this
place
like the plauge, mostly because its rumoured to have
originated here.
Tanya
I don't know, but we could make some
good tip money here. Flash
some
boob.
Ellen
I don't have boob. I barely have
nipples. I'm gonna go see if
mom has
any aprons. (walks to the kitchen) Mom, you got
any
aprons back here?
Liz
(holds one up, it's covered in blood) Only
this, but I.... we
won't
get into that now. (hands her a plate, it has ice
cubes
covered in cream on it)
Ellen
Ice cubes and cream? What do you want
me to do with this? Are you
trying to attract cats with heat stroke
again? I don't
to be
the one to put them down this time.
Liz
No, just give it to that customer, see if he
takes it.
Ellen
(walks away)
Liz
Well, it's busy, that's a good thing. Maybe I
could keep this
place
after all. But would I want to? (shrugs)
Scene
5 Doug sitting in the training
class with 20 other students
Doug
Okay, this won't be so bad. I just have to be
nice to people
and do
what they want. I was nice to Tanya everyday
for two years
and I did everything she wanted. If I can
fake it
with her, why not with people I don't even have to
see?
Trainer
Doug, do you have something you would like to
share?
Doug
Was I saying that out loud?
Trainer
Yes.
Doug
I'm sorry.
Trainer
Good. Now when somebody...
Doug
Wow, I think I'm going crazy. I'm
turning into Tanya! Next thing
you know
I'll be stalking people. Now, I wonder where
Tanya's going to be tonight.
Trainer
Doug?
Doug
Was I doing that again?
Trainer
So anyway, when they ask you do do something,
the first thing you
want to
do it reaffirm that with them. If they say "I would
like to change my address," you say "I'd be happy to
change your
address."
Doug
Isn't that redundant?
Trainer
Yes.
Doug
Then why are we doing it?
Trainer
Because it's what Better Deal wants us to do.
Doug
Why do they have to follow what
they want?
Trainer
Because they pay the bills. Anyway...
Doug
Wow, this is really going to
suck. But onto more pressing
topics,
like who Tanya is dating.
Trainer
Doug?
Doug
Sorry, I'm a tad crazy, ignore me.
Trainer
It's kind of hard when you're you keep
obsessing over somebody
named
Tonya!
Doug
It's Tanya.....
Trainer
(irritated)
Doug
Right, I'm shutting up starting now.
Scene
6 Ellen in the restaurant
Ellen
(sits a plate down on a table) There
you go, fries and chips.
Customer
Aren't they the same thing?
Ellen
Whatever. (walks away)
Customer 2
(grabs her hand)
Ellen
Don't touch me, ever.
Customer 2 I
just wanted to let you know...
Ellen
That what? That I suck? That I'm the
worst waitress that you've ever
encountered?
Customer 2 No,
quite the contrary. I'm actually quite impressed with the service
here. The last time I ate here
I had this
blonde bitch who kept threatening rub raw hambuger on
my food. I called the Better Business Bureau, but
they said the
file was too large to add any new cases.
Ellen
I completely understand, she is my
mother. Granted, I made alot of those
phone calls myself...
Customer 2
Thank you for the lovely service. Somebody will be getting an extra
dollar
tip.
Ellen
Your bill comes to 8.99.
Customer
Here's a 10. (hands her a bill)
Ellen
(takes the money, walks to the back)
Hey, Tanya, I've gotten like a
million dollars in tips already. And by a million, I
mean 8.50 and a
smack on the
ass.
Tanya
I know. I've been getting the nicest
compliments all day. If I had known
that this would have been all it took to raise my
suicidally low
self-esteem, I
would have started working here days ago.
Ellen
How much you get in tips?
Tanya
Oh, about $11.
Liz
(from the kitchen) Did I hear somebody say
tips? You know, the kitchen
staff get a quarter of that.
Ellen
(puts money on the counter)
Tanya
(follows)
Liz
(counting it) What comes after 3?
Ellen
8?
Liz
8 dollars in tips? Already? That's usually a
whole month for me. Are you
guys showing
some boob?
Tanya
No more than usual. Why do you think
I'm graduating this year despite
never being in school?
Liz
(puts two plates on the counter)
Ellen
Thanks (grabs the plates and walks away)
Tanya
(follows Ellen)
Liz
This just ain't right... I can't have two 17
year olds upstaging me in
tips. Something has to be done about this. Where's
my bottle of
botulism?
Scene
7 Doug in the call centre, sitting
beside Rannie
Rannie
Are you ready?
Doug
As ready as I'll ever be.
Rannie
Okay, hit the pause button.
Doug
(hits pause)
Rannie
Now you wait for a phone call.
*
(a 10 second silence)
Doug
Is it always this exciting around?
Rannie
Well, not usually. Sometimes rumours go
around that people are doing
it on their breaks in the bathroom.(laughs) I
remember the last
time...
Doug
What was the rumour?
Rannie
What rumour?
Doug
You know, this is why it never
worked out between us. I'm all about
Christian
values and you're all about being a slut.
Rannie
Says he who got his best friend pregnant.
Doug
First of all, she is not my best
friend, and second of all, I have nothing
more to say.
Rannie
Didn't you guys use protection?
Doug
We were drunk.
Rannie
That is why I got myself a prescription for
the morning after pill.
Doug
If we weren't drunk, we would never
have had sex... Thank you for calling
Better Deal, what can I help you with? (covers the
mic) I hope they
didn't hear
that...... (pulls headset away) They did.
*
(scene changes)
Doug
Can I get you to confirm to
address for me? (looks to Rannie) How do you
pronounce that name? Godam, Goodam, Godaam? Goddamn?
Rannie
They can hear you!
Doug
Not anymore they can't. (puts his
headset down)
Scene
8 Liz in the kitchen
Liz
I'll teach them to show me up. (sprinkles
chilli powder on a meal). Nobody
outtips Liz
and lives to tell about it. Tanya! Order's up!
Tanya
Thanks mom.
Liz
Don't call me that.
Tanya
Kay mom. (grabs the plate and walks
away).
Liz
And now for chunks of chicken in the bean
salad. Viola! Ellen! Order's up.
Ellen
Thanks mom.
Liz
Don't call me that.
Ellen
Kay mom. (grabs the plate and walks
away)
Liz
Now let's see who's prettier. Wait, what am I
doing this for again? Ah,
right, peer acceptance. No wait I don't think that
was it....
Scene
9 Doug outside on break with Rannie
Doug
(smoking) I can't do this.
Rannie
You're right you can't.
Doug
Thank you for agreeing with me.
Rannie
But what other options do you have?
Doug
But what is it worth? Look at me,
I'm smoking! This job has got my nerves
so shot that I've been driven to the evils of
smoking!
Rannie
If you're like this now, at the end of your
third phone call, you'll need a
line of coke.
Doug
I'm not joking, Rannie, I can't
do this.
Rannie
You have no choice Doug. You have a baby
coming and an equivalent high
school diploma.
Doug
It's a real diploma, thank you.
Rannie
Whatever, the point is that in Rutland, there
is nothing else but this.
And you aren't happy enough work at Wal Mart.
Doug
Damn Wal Mart. Driving small
business to the brink nation wide.
Rannie
You have to do this.
Doug
(sad) I know. I just hate it,
that's all.
Rannie
I hate it too. I have to throw up before I
come to work, and not just
because I'm bulimic. Actually, that's one of the
reasons why I
converted to bulimia, but the point is, this is a
crappy town in a
crappy state and a crappy job is about the only
thing you're going to
find here.
It's like looking for the smartest person in Mississippi,
you're gonna be disappointed and
saddened no matter who you pick.
Doug
I know. I just have to deal with
it. Let's get back in.
Rannie
Now that's the spirit. Surpress that rage.
That's the American way.
Scene
10 Tanya talking to a customer
Customer
This meal was just, just...
Tanya
I know what you mean. I actually coined
a new term for it- pukadellic.
Customer
No, not at all. This was great! I especially love the feeling in my
stomach. I'm full, but happy. And not entirely
disgusted with myself
for having a double portion.
Tanya
Well, the double portions here are
normal portions everywhere else.
Customer
I don't know... I'm going to tell all of my friends
about this place.
They'll love it. (leaves)
Ellen
(walks up to Tanya) What was that all
about?
Tanya
A customer just said that he... loved
the food?
Ellen
I know! I just got that comment too.
It's odd, I grew up with mom's
cooking, and love was never the first thing that
came to my mind, or
the first thing that came spewing out of my mouth.
Mom?
Liz
(walks up to them) Yes, dear? Are the
customers still great? Are they still
heaping you with praise and tips? (smiles smugly)
Ellen
Actually, yeah, they are.
Liz
Huh?
Tanya
I don't know what you're doing back in
that kitchen, but they eating it
right up. You should try to make a living off of
this.
Liz
What are you getting at?
Ellen
The customers like the food.
Liz
What are you talking about?
Tanya
Do I need to draw you a picture?
Liz
(looks away) Yes, yes you do.
Scene
11 Doug on the phone at the call centre
Doug
Thanks for calling Better Deal, how
may I help you?..... I'm sorry, I
don't know how to get off the freeway in Dallas.....
It's not my fault
this is the only number you have on hand..... (screams) Thanks for
calling Better Deal, have a great day!
Supervisor
(hits a button on the phone)
Doug
Hey, what up?
Supervisor
Yeah.... we've been listening in on a few of your phone calls,
taking notes.
Doug
(angry) You've been listening in on my
phone calls? That's a total invasion
of privacy! I'm talking to the manager.
Supervisor I
am the manager.
Doug
Oh, okay.
Supervisor
Look, I think we're going to have to go in another direction.
Doug
Which direction is that?
Supervisor I'm
sorry, you're not working out here.
Doug
I don't work out at all, let alone here.
Supervisor
(sighs) Look, you have to be nice for this kind of job.
Doug
I am nice.
Supervisor Do
I have to draw you a picture?
Doug
(looks away) Yes, yes you do.
Supervisor
(draws an exit sign) Walk past that sign and never come back.
Doug
You mean I'm fired?
Supervisor
That's so negative, but yes you are.
Doug
You can't fire me, I need this job.
Supervisor
This is Rutland. Everybody needs this job.
Doug
No, but I really need it. I got my best
friend pregnant, and I don't have an
education, so if I don't keep
this job, I
got nothing.
Supervisor
(sighs) This is against my better judgement.
Doug
(happy) My favorite 6 words in the
english language....
Supervisor
I'll give you another day.
Doug
Thank you so much.
Supervisor
Just a few tips. Be nice, even when you don't want to be. Smile
when you
answer the phone. And stop mentioning the name Tanya
to everybody who
calls.
Doug
I can do this, you'll see. I'll be the
best damn call person who ever
answered a phone. Or at least not the worst.
Supervisor
That the spirit! Get back on that phone!
Doug
I will. Thank you for calling Circuit
City, how may I help you?
Supervisor Oh
god. (throws head into hands)
Scene
12 Mira sitting on the front steps
Doug
(walks up the driveway)
Mira
You're home late.
Doug
(sits down beside her) Bad day at work.
Really bad day.
Mira
First days are always hard.
Doug
What do you know, you've never worked a
day in your life.
Mira
You've only worked one day, so it's not
like you're an expert.
Doug
Touche.... You see Tanya around?
Mira
She's in the house.
Doug
Excellent. Now to find out what her
secret is and ruin her dreams. Unless
the secret is that she has
clamihidia. That's punishment enough. (stands)
Mira
(grabs his shirt) Sit down.
Doug
Mira, let me go.
Mira
No. Why are you so hung up on Tanya?
What does she have that makes you want
her so much?
Doug
(sits) I don't want her. I want to see
her suffer, that's all.
Mira
(stands) That's a goddamned lie and you
know it. You've been in love with
her since the
day you met her and she's done is kicked you around.
Doug
We have an odd relationship, what can I
say?
Mira
You two don't have a relationship,
Doug. There's nothing there. (angry) You
have a relationship with me (points to her stomach)
You have a
relationship with this and you don't seem to give a
damn.
Doug
I'm sorry Mira, it's alot to take at
once.
Mira
I'm so tired of this. I've been in love
with you forever. I'm pregnant with
our child, yet it means nothing to you. She calls
you a name and
you're licking
her ass. I don't understand Doug, what
do I
have to do to get your attention? Jump off a fucking bridge?
Doug
(angry) What do you want me to say to
you Mira? Do you want me to tell you
that I love you? I can't feel something that I don't
Mira and you
screaming at
me is not going to change that. What we did
was...
(cuts himself off)
Mira
Was what? Do you want me to get an
abortion so you never have to see me
again? Is that it?
Doug
I never said that Mira. I'm going to
support that baby as much as I possibly
can, but don't delude yourself into thinking that
we'll ever be
together,
because we won't. The baby was not concieved out of
love
Mira. It was an accident. (turns to walk up the steps)
Mira
(starts crying softly) It wasn't an
accident.
Doug
(turns) What?
Mira
It wasn't an accident, Doug. you may
not remember, but I do.
Doug
You said that you didn't remember
anything about that night.
Mira
Well I lied.
Doug
What exactely do you remember?
Mira
I don't want to talk aboutit .
Doug
No, Mira, you can't say something like
that and then brush it off. What
exactely do you remember?
Mira
(sits down on the steps) I remember
that you were really drunk by the
campfire, and I put you to bed because you were
really out of it. Do
you remember that?
Doug
I don't remember anything Mira.
Mira
(looks away) I remember that I put the
cover on you, and then you pulled me
in kissed me. And then your hands started wandering.
I tried to leave,
but you held me. There was a point when you were kissing
me that I
thought, "this is what I've been waiting for for years, but
not like this." So I pulled away, but you wouldn't
let me leave. I
really didn't want to do it Doug but I didn't know
what else
to do
(puts her head in her hands). You were just so drunk Doug, and
you kept forcing it. I knew it
wasn't you doing it, I knew that you
wouldn't do that... (cries) but I didn't know what
to do.
I felt
so overpowered and helpless that I just layed there and you
eventually fell asleep. I just layed there and cried
for the rest of
the night.
Doug
(sits beside her) Are you saying what I think
you're saying? Did I...?
Mira
(burries her head in his chest and nods)
Doug
Oh my god Mira, I don't know what to say.
Mira
I'm not blaming you, Doug, I'm not (crying).
You we're so drunk and so out of
it. I just
couldn't carry by myself anymore.
Doug
(holds her, cries) I'm so sorry Mira, I'm so
sorry.
*
(camera slowly pans out)