Sonny walked into Luke's office, finding him still asleep at his
desk. He was about to leave him, but remembered the other times he
was passed out, and decided he had to make sure Luke didn't do something
drastic and tried to kill himself again. As if an answer to his hopes,
Luke woke up as soon as Sonny touched his shoulder.
"What? Where am I?" Luke asked, as soon as he saw Sonny.
"You're at the club, Luke. Did you get totally loaded before trashing the place?" Sonny asked, staring at the shattered liquor bottle on the floor.
"Don't I wish. No, man. Laura came here and she threw the bottle across the room before I even had a chance to drink a drop of it. Haven't touched the stuff since..."
"What's wrong, Luke? I thought you'd be home with your wife at this time. Why are you here sleeping at the club? I didn't think Laura would let you near the place after the last two times you've been here."
"I don't know anymore," Luke said. He thought back to the recent argument he had with Laura. He wished he could forget about it all, finally forgive himself like she wanted. But he had just been kidding himself this whole time, thinking he could get back what he once had. And she was kidding herself too if she thought that was ever possible.
"Love's a bitch," Sonny said, trying to lighten up the mood a little. He hated seeing Luke and Laura at odds. The last time he remembered it being this bad, the problems were caused by him. He also thought about Brenda thinking about what he had lost long ago. Yeah, they were back together, and had been for a while, but they both knew that it wasn't the same the second time around. They always would have this mistrust hanging over them and no matter how they tried to get past it, it would always still be there.
"Yeah it is," Luke said, getting up and stretching. Love was the worst kind of pain, Luke thought. Once you love someone, you open yourself up to a type of pain that could kill some men. And it was killing Luke at this moment. He loved Laura as much as he always had. That never changed and probably never would, but he was broken now. He couldn't keep living with the knowledge of the pain he had caused her. He couldn't live with the pain he was causing her now. He didn't know what was worse to him... allowing himself forgiveness for a crime that he should have died for, or seeing the pain he was causing Laura now for not being able to forgive himself. Either way, it was a no-win situation for him.
"Hey, man, I'm waiting for something Spencer out of you before I let you get drunk for the night. What's eating you?"
"You know what's eating me, Sonny. Well, I guess you don't know the whole story."
"I don't need the whole story, Luke. I never have and never will. This is between you and Laura and should be left there. It's not any of my business."
"Yeah, it should have been left there," Luke said quietly, collapsing back into his chair.
"If this is about Lucky, I just saw him. He's angry because he can't understand. But he seems to be asking more questions now. He wants to get past this, so I think he will given time. I'll keep an eye on him till he does."
"Thanks. It's not just Lucky, though. I'm glad he's angry. He has every right to be. Maybe I was hurt by his anger, but if he didn't have that reaction, I would be more upset. Seeing him angry with me makes me think that I might have done one right thing in my life. It's more than Lucky, though. It's more than the rape itself."
"What do you mean?" Sonny asked, not exactly sure where Luke was going with this.
"Did you ever really wonder why I let Cassadine live when he came to Port Charles?"
"Yeah. If you recall, I volunteered a few times to get rid of him for you. What's Cassadine gotta do with all this?"
"Maybe some part of me knew I needed him. I guess no one made the connection between his timely death and my lucky gift of life, but they're connected in a big way."
"What are you saying?"
"I've got a Cassadine heart ticking inside of me now. Maybe I should have killed him when I had the chance. Then I wouldn't have to live with knowing that I have something Cassadine in me now."
Sonny was taken aback by what he just heard. Luke's got Stefan's heart? For the second time in his life, Sonny was glad that the Cassadines existed. "You wouldn't have lived at all, Luke."
Laura was driving for what felt like forever before she got home. As she walked to the steps, she saw Nikolas sitting there. He looked so far away now. As she looked at him, she regretted once again choosing her marital problems over her own son. 'I should have gone to see him right after I found out about Stefan's death,' she scolded herself. "Nikolas, how are you feeling?"
"Do you really care?" Nikolas asked. He wondered the same thing she did, why was her Spencer marriage more important than her own child? Why, when he lost the one person he cared about most in his life, did she not check on him once?
"Of course I care," Laura said, as she took a seat next to him on the steps. "I know that must sound like just words to you right now, and I'm sorry for that. I should have gone to see you as soon as I heard about Stefan's death."
"But Luke was in the hospital. Why would I even think that you would ever put me over him... put my feelings over his for once in your life?"
"You should expect that, Nikolas. You are my son, and it's about time I start acting like your mother. I'm sorry about your loss, Nikolas."
"Are you really?" Nikolas said sarcastically. "Even when that loss saved your husband's life?"
"Of course I'm sorry, Nikolas. I'm glad Luke has the chance to live, but I'm always going to wish that it was someone else's heart that allowed that. I would never have wished for Stefan to die just to give Luke a heart. He could have found a heart somewhere else if he needed to."
"Whatever," Nikolas whispered as he got up to leave.
"Nikolas, wait," Laura called out to him. He stopped and turned around. "Please don't feel the need to leave because of me. If you came here to see your sister, I'll bring her out to you."
"It's not the best idea to see her while I'm upset. She'll pick up on that. I only came by to tell you that my uncle's funeral is set for Saturday, if you even care."
"Yeah, I wouldn't be alive," Luke whispered as he poured himself and Sonny a shot of scotch. Luke raised up his shot glass and said, "To Stefan. The man who won the feud by getting the ultimate revenge on me." Luke swallowed the scotch quickly and poured himself another.
Sonny placed his glass down on Luke's desk without touching it. "Luke, what difference does a heart make? You're alive, he isn't. I think you got the revenge by using something of his to save your life. Would you have really rather died than get his heart?"
"I don't know anymore. All I know is that what I feel like doing right now is taking a knife and cutting this thing out of me."
"Maybe I should call Laura and tell her to take you home," Sonny said as he grabbed the phone.
Luke rushed over to his desk, grabbing the phone away from Sonny and throwing it against the wall. "I don't want you calling her."
"Okay, Luke. Don't get so crazy on me."
"Maybe that's what I am. Maybe I'm losing my mind here. Instead of calling Laura, why don't you just call those men in the white jackets to come pick me up and put me in some padded cell."
"I would if you didn't just trash your phone," Sonny said. He was getting really worried about Luke. He wanted to call Laura, but he wasn't about to remind Luke that he had a cell phone on him also. He didn't need that to get destroyed too. He also didn't want to leave Luke for even a second because that was enough time for Luke to do something stupid again which might actually cost him his life this time.
"Yeah, well if you weren't threatening to call my wife so she could come here and start pleading for me to forgive myself, I wouldn't have had to trash it."
"I don't understand this, Luke. You and Laura love each other. Why are you fighting it now?"
"Because I should have fought a long time ago, and I didn't. It's about time someone in this relationship acknowledged the fact that what I did was unforgivable. And now with this Cassadine heart, I feel as if I was responsible for kidnapping her for two years also."
"Are you sure you haven't been drinking long before I came in here because what you're saying sounds like rumblings of a drunk man. You know I'm not one to give you advice, but come back to my place and get a good night's rest. Maybe you'll be thinking more clearly in the morning."
"I'm staying right here for the night. And I'd like to stay here alone, if you get the hint."
"I'm not leaving you when you're in this state. I did that twice, and both times you ended up fighting for your life."
"I'm not going to do anything, Sonny. I figure that would be too easy for me. It's more of a punishment for me to live with this Cassadine heart."
Sonny was assured that Luke was telling him the truth and left him alone in his office. Once he was outside of the club, he called up Laura to tell her exactly what Luke had said. She thanked Sonny for the news, but told Sonny that Luke wouldn't be reasonable until he had some time to himself. Sonny started to argue, but Laura had assured him that she knew her husband well enough to know that he had to face this on his own at first before he would accept any help.
