Part 11

It was virtually a week before Buffy saw signs that Angelus had returned to their home and those signs were not consequentially of the agreeable assortment. His clothing vanished overnight from their bedroom, the maid started to make complaints about cleaning a superfluous bedroom and the not long ago bought box of his desired cereal was more or less gone.

However even though she knew that he was there with her in the house, she'd had no sight of him and since he gave the impression that he did prefer it that way she acquiesced to his certitude - at least on the exterior. Deep in the dead of night she listened to Meghan's baby monitor, never in fact resting until she heard him in the nursery with Meghan and then she could close her eyes and pretend he was there with her just like before.

Even though the certainty was that he had petrified her that day with the dynamism of his antagonism - and that she did not care to see that side of him again - Buffy did think that his actions were exaggeratedly dramatic. Why had he found it necessary to shun her as though she were a plague carrier? If in fact his reasoning for the marriage were indisputable in the establishment why was he acting contrarily to them now?

For weeks this behaviour persisted, Buffy wished eagerly the lines of communication between them were more open so she could say something to discharge the air of bitterness floating about the home. In the long run she tired of the circumstances and with a sense of desperation - for her and her baby - she staked out his room and awaited his silent return.

It was nearly two in the morning before she heard his footsteps resonating on the foyer floor and from the privacy of the master bedroom, she watched as he slipped into the nursery. With irritation she waited for him to leave their daughter's room and enter his own and ultimately around twenty or so minutes later he did. Giving him another five minutes, Buffy slipped from her room and knocked mellifluously on his door.

When there was no answer she let herself inside the poorly lit room, pausing momentarily at the thought of intruding on his seclusion. From the ensuite she could take notice of the sounds of the shower running and comprehended that he might be some time, she sat on the bed and recognized that the longer she waited the more she lost her nerve. Taking one last apprehensive mouthful of air she come within reach of the door to his private bathroom and then - without warning - the door opened. Buffy unexpectedly found herself facing the marvellously sculpted chest of husband and discovered that all thoughts had escaped her mind and that she no longer knew what she needed to say to him.

"What do *you* want, Buffy?" he asked pushing past her.

Shaking the cotton from her brain, Buffy turned around to face him and tried desperately to ignore the ache that his almost naked appearance caused. "We need to talk-"

"So talk... There's nothing stopping you," he replied coldly as he turned his back once again on her and began to dry himself off.

"I can't do this..." she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I can't live this way anymore-"

Angelus stopped his drying to stare at his wife in dreadfulness, "Are you leaving me?"

Buffy's eyes flew open at the unanticipated proposition, "No! I just meant we needed to talk this out or something." She took an additional deep breath and pushed her impending words around the lump that had formed in her throat, "Do you want me to go?"

"No," he told her sitting down on the painstakingly made bed. “No, I don’t want you to go.”

“Then it’s necessary to work this out. I can’t live like this and Meghan and Kathy shouldn’t have too either.”

Angelus nodded, “I’ll call the office in the morning and cancel my appointments until lunch. We can talk then.”

She nodded at him and went to walk out of the room. She was for all intents and purposes out of the door when she heard him call her name and she turned back. “What?”

He in actuality looked like he was struggling to say something, but in the end trepidation won out. “It’s nothing that can’t wait until morning. Good night.”

“Night.”

By the time morning had come, Buffy was shattered. There had been not a lot sleep for her the night before – or any of the nights previous either – and the nervous tension was starting to display across her features. The most unpleasant part of it all was, she and Angelus were to communicate and she did not know what to verbalize or how to express it even if she did.

So she busied herself with getting Meghan prepared for the daylight hours, bathing, feeding and changing her and then following a comparable routine with herself, only with mounds of make-up to hide her bags and lines. Once she was sure that they both looked fit to be seen, she headed downstairs and laid Meghan in her bassinet before making herself something light to eat – something that with a bit of luck would remain down for the duration on her stomach full of anxiety.

Kathy left for school a small number of minutes later and approximately ten minutes after she had departed, he at long last descended the flight of stairs. He came into the kitchen-diner and sat down across from her at the table, neither one of them was speaking, each just basically staring at the other.

After a few minutes Buffy could no longer take the stillness, “Angelus?”

“Yes…”

“Are you hungry? I could make you some…”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay…” she replied. “So… I guess that means that it’s time to – uh – talk…”

“I suppose that it is time.”

She blinked back the tears that out of the blue, threatened to fall, “I don’t know what to say…”

He sighed and for the first time looked as misplaced as she did, “Me either.”

“Actually… I kinda do know what I want to say…” Buffy said. “I just don’t know how to say it… I feel stupid even thinking about it…” He did not say anything, he merely stared at her his chocolate brown eyes boring into hers, taking a deep breath she decided to just lay it all out on the table – to hell with what he or anyone else thought. “I was jealous. Not for the reason that everyone loves and adores Meghan, but because you do. I mean… It just seemed like no matter what I did or tried to do, you just didn’t see me anymore. You’d gotten what you wanted out of our marriage…”

“Buffy…”

“No, please let me get this out or I’m not going too…” she pleaded to some extent. “I don’t know if it’s hormones or what… All I know is that you stopped coming to bed, you spent every waking instant you weren’t at work with the baby and it hurt. I know it’s laughable and self-centred…”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, cutting her babble off.

Buffy shook her head, “Why? I’m the one acting like a brat.”

“I – uh – don’t want to be my father.”

“Okay…”

He sighed, “My father spent maybe a total of twenty minutes with me throughout my entire childhood and even less with Kathy. I just wanted something better for Meghan…”

“You are better for her. You think you’re the only one who had a dreadful father? My dad discarded us. As soon as the ink was dry on the divorce papers, he cut us all out of his life - unless he wanted something. Do you know how many birthdays I watched Dawn cry because he didn’t call or send a card? Meghan is never going to have that problem… In fact you may just overwhelm her.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…”

They sat again in silence, but a more comfortable one than had been before. At last Buffy spoke once again, “So… what now?”

“I could move back to our room – if that’s what you want…”

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want too. If you’re happy in the spare…”

He shook his head, “I’m not. I miss lying next to you.”

Buffy looked at him, “You just miss the sex.”

“Well… that too,” he admitted. “As for the rest…”

“We can just take it day by day.”

“Yeah, day by day,” Angelus said reaching across the table to grab hold of her hand.

End Part