Author: Mariah

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Not mine......................................................

Distribution: Sure. Just be nice and ask me first:)

Spoilers: Okay, let's put it this way - everything since "Sanctuary" - DIDN'T HAPPEN.

Summary: Post 'Sanctuary', AU-past. I can't tell you more, cuz it'll ruin the story for you.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The 'past' has absolutely nothing to do with what we have learned in 'AtS', it's my 'past' world, up to you to like it or not:).

ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE: I'm resending this fic, because I wrote a sequel to it (not exactly, I just continued it...), so I'll be sending out like 5 parts from the original story per day, before I start with the new parts, then I'll send them as I write them.

Feedback - Please do! I gotta know if you want me to go on and what you think about it so far.

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Part One

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Buffy drowsily fumbled about for the phone in the dark. She cursed whoever it was calling her this late. She’d just gotten back from patrol, hoping to catch some sleep, before she had to get up for her exam the next morning. However, glancing at the alarm clock on her nightstand, she realized that ‘tomorrow’ was already ‘today’. On top of that, she knew she wouldn’t be getting any sleep. She had been turning and twisting in bed, instead of sleeping, ever since she got back from her ‘surprise visit’ to LA. She’d been crying for hours after she'd come back. The way he'd spoken to her…but after what she’d done to him, hadn’t she deserved exactly that? She could see the hurt and the anguish in his eyes, and yet, she'd gone on, and on, breaking his heart even more. Had she been enjoying it? No! So why the Hell did she do it, telling the man she loved about ‘her new life’, about ‘her new boyfriend’…who she ‘loved’?! Was she completely out of her mind? How could she tell Angel she loved someone else, especially when she did not? She loved him. He had left her, saying it was for her own good. Maybe it was, what the Hell did she care? All she wanted was to be with him. Screw normal life, hope of any normal future had vanished. What future was there in a life without him? People used to tell her she had everything, in a way, she had. That was gone now, it was all as good as nothing without Angel. He was the one thing that mattered between Heaven and Hell. Like air, she couldn't be without him. And yet, he was the only thing she didn't have. Sometimes she even felt as if she could lose everything she had, but repossess him, and she would be the happiest person on earth. She'd even sacrifice the world for him...

In her heart though, she knew it was ridiculous, because she loved her friends. But she missed him so much…she needed him so frequently, and he wasn’t there. He had caused her so much pain, and she still loved him so dearly. Buffy knew she would never be neither complete nor happy without her second half, not really, at least, so what was the point of trying? It had been so easy back then…it wasn’t such a long time ago, but it seemed like it was. She had been just a girl, and she had been so in love, in love with the man of her dreams; a man who had loved her back just as much. She had thought that the fairytale that was known as her life would never end. But then she'd grown up. She'd finished high school, leaving her ‘youth’ behind her, leaving HIM behind. God, she’d do anything to go back only a year in time, just to be with him once again…only if it were so simple…

Buffy fought back against the tears that threatened to burst out every time she merely thought about him, and finally got a grip on the receiver.

“Hello?…” her tone was a fusion of pain and fatigue.

“Buffy?” came from the other end of the line.

At that specific moment, she felt like she wanted to kill him. “I don't wanna hear from you, Riley!” she yelled in the receiver. “Calling me at this hour, you'd better make it good! What are you, suicidal or something?!”

Riley flinched at her tone. “Would you please NOT start another fight even before we got over yesterday’s? One which I still have no idea what it was about?”

Buffy didn’t know herself. She recently used to initiate a fight about everything with Riley. “Riley, wanna hear something? It is nearly 2am, I’m tired, I have an exam tomorrow, and I wanna sleep, okay? And YOU are the last person I wanna talk to, now or…ever, okay?” She hanged up.

“Damn you,” she hissed, taking a deep breath to calm down, side-glancing at the phone, almost ready to pick it up and apologize for taking her frustration on him. But she never did. Buffy took another deep breath, briefly closing her eyes. This was the first time, for as long as she could remember, when she actually blamed Riley for her trouble with Angel. She knew it was stupid, just like her outburst a few seconds ago, but at the moment she just couldn’t help it.

The phone rang again.

“I thought I told you,” she shouted, but Giles’ voice made her tone change. “Giles? What’s the what? It is kinda late, you know.”

“Yes, I know, and I’m very sorry for the late hour, Buffy, but this is important.”

“Yeah…” she breathed, “so, who’s the demon? Sorry about before, thought you were Riley.”

“Yes, I figured that much. Buffy, I...I asked him to call you. In fact, he’s here right now.”

“He is?” she queried in wonder.

“Yes, everyone is. We’re all waiting for you. I tried to reach you earlier, but you…”

“Patrol. I bagged three of the bad guys. Proud of me?” There was a grin in her tone, but it didn’t seem to change Giles’. It remained grave.

“Yes, but...Buffy, this is of the utmost importance. You must get here as soon as you can."

She nodded, but then grasped Giles couldn’t see her. “I’ll be there. Wait, Will…” only then she acknowledged her roommate was missing.

“She's here too. Buffy, please hurry.”

“Right. Bye, Giles.”

“Goodbye.”

Part Two

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Giles had been right. Everyone was there by the time Buffy got to his apartment. She looked around the room after closing the door behind her. Xander, Anya, Willow and Spike were sitting on the sofa, Doyle on the armchair…*Doyle?! What’s he doing here?*, with Cordelia in his lap *Cordelia?* Riley was sitting on a chair and…Angel. She stilled and swallowed to the sight of him. He was so gorgeous. He would always take her breath away every time she saw him, she knew.

“Please, take a seat, Buffy.” Giles offered her, but she didn’t hear him. Her eyes were still locked with Angel’s. He gazed at her sadly. Only the sight of her caused his heart ache. She was so beautiful, so full of life, so rare…she was his. *Was*. He craved for her gentleness, her softness; her love…Angel shook these thoughts out of his head. Why was he being such a fool? Her boyfriend, the one she'd said she loved, was right here in the same room.

And she…she still wasn’t able to get rid of the desire to run into his arms each time they met, to cover his handsome features with soft kisses, and never, but never, let go of him again. To hear him saying her name…saying he loves her…but then again, there was the reality to deal with.

“What the Hell are you doing here?” she snapped at him. “I thought I made myself clear when I last talked to you.” Her eyes shot daggers at him, and it made his soul die within him. He couldn’t stand her being so mad at him. It hurt him a lot more than he could ever foresee.

Her quick thinking brought Buffy onto Riley’s lap in no time, and the stunned boy could respond in no other way than encircling his arms around her, as she hungrily kissed him. He thought perhaps she'd forgiven him for whatever there was he'd done, whilst she was using him to hurt Angel. “Meet my boyfriend,” she told him, her stare challenging, “the one I love, remember?”

Riley was smug with himself beyond words, while Buffy hated herself, having been causing pain both the man she loved and her boyfriend, who happened to have been caught in the middle and hence suffered the consequences.

Angel looked away painfully, his eyes filling with the same tears from the last time she'd told him about the boyfriend ‘she loved’. He swallowed hard. No. He wouldn’t show her his pain. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction again.

Buffy’s entire being was falling to pieces just by looking at him like that. But she still kept her bitchy attitude going. “So, I thought it was pretty clear, you know. I mean, in case you haven’t figured it to the core yet, I kinda meant to say I wanted you out of my life! Not popping up here whenever you need help, cuz I really don’t wanna give you any!”

Angel blinked away the tears rising in his eyes and averted his gaze again. Seeing that, Buffy leaped off Riley and hastily stamped over to Angel. She snatched his shirt and turned him so that he was forced to look at her. Now her face was inches from his. “You were the worst mistake of my life!” she hissed irately. “I can’t believe I have ever even looked at you. You ruined my life, and I thought I loved you. Could you believe I was so stupid?! I don’t EVER wanna see you again. Never. Whatever you need from us, don’t think even for a second you’ll get it from me. Like you earlier said to me, go home!”

Angel gaped at her for a second, unable to say a word. Then he freed himself from her grip, and stormed out of the apartment.

Buffy gazed at the floor, and wrapped her arms around herself, emitting a quiet and desperate sigh. Before she could do anything further, she was dragged out by Cordelia.

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“What the Hell was that?!” Cordelia yelled at Buffy outside. “Why the Hell did you have to do that?!”

Buffy tried to regain some of her earlier manner. “Cordy, why won’t you go stick your nose in your own business for a change?”

“Why are you being such a bitch to him? Somehow I find it hard to believe that your little act convinced anyone that you actually meant any of it. Except Angel, of course.”

“Well, good for him. Let him suffer, like I care!”

“Why? I don’t get it, Buffy. Why? I mean, what’s the point?”

“The point is to put him through Hell, the same Hell he's been putting me through. How’s that for a point?”

“He loves you! Do you even have the slightest idea of how much he loves you?”

Buffy chuckled. “Loves me?”

“He can’t talk about you. He dreams about you, and he can’t sleep. I come into his office sometimes and I see him staring at your picture, and there are tears in his eyes. You want more?”

Buffy looked like she was finally going to break. “Then why did he leave me?” she whispered, in the most rueful voice Cordelia had probably ever heard. “Then why did he leave me?” she echoed.

Cordelia fell silent.

“Do you know how many tears I’ve cried? Do you know how many times my heart broke, or how many times I woke up and he wasn’t there? Or I needed him so much and he wasn’t there? Do you know how empty and hollowed I feel inside? Do you know how it’s like to lose someone you love like that? To lose a part of your soul you can’t live without? No, you don’t. How can you? You see his side, but have you ever tried to see mine? You think I DON’T love him? You think that nights, days, minutes…seconds without him are tolerable? Well, you’re wrong! I will NEVER stop loving him, I can’t. Even if I wanted to. And you know why I did that in the apartment? I’m gonna hate myself forever hence to that, but you wanna know why? Because in a way it makes me feel relief. It makes it easier. By that, I try to fight my feelings. I try to convince myself I don’t love him anymore. And that is NOT a piece of cake! Despite what you think! And I hate pretending I love my...boyfriend! I hate doing that! But I have to, you know why? Because THIS is my only escape! If I don’t do that, I might as well just die, because living without him is worse than dying!” Buffy covered her face with her hands and turned away from Cordelia, letting her long stored tears out.

For a minute Cordelia hadn’t spoken. Then, Buffy thought she heard footsteps of someone approaching, but she didn’t care enough to revolve back. She leaned against the wall before her with her one forearm, her other hand still covering her face. And then she felt arms wrapping around her, turning her around and pulling her into a loving embrace, and she only cried harder, clinching into him for all she’s worth. He reinforced his hug, caressing her hair, trying to sooth her, but doing no good.

After Buffy had finally ran out of tears, she pulled back. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, looking directly into the eyes she loved so much, “I didn’t mean a word of that. I need you to know…I didn’t mean a word. Not then, and definitely not now. Angel, I’m so sorry,” she hugged him again.

He gently stroked her back. “I know. I know you didn’t. I heard you,” he added, slightly embarrassed for eavesdropping her and Cordelia’s conversation. He drew back a little. “I was right around the corner. I heard you. I heard what you said and…I had no idea. Maybe if I knew, if I knew you felt the same way I did…but I had no idea. I got the impression you moved on. That you were finally happy. I couldn’t know, Buffy. And I’m sorry I put you through all this. If it hadn’t been for me getting in your way in the first place, none of this would ever have happened, and…”

“How can you say this?” she didn’t believe his words. “I told you, I didn’t mean it. When I said you were my worst mistake, I didn’t mean it!”

He smiled sadly. “I know you didn’t, but you were still right.”

“No,” Buffy shook her head determinately, “I love you. How can you say this?”

“I love you too. And THAT is WHY I'm saying this.” He softly kissed her forehead. “Let’s get in. You’ll do what you have to do, and then things will be finally right. I promise you.”

Buffy shook her head and didn’t move. “No…there’s something you’re not telling me. What?”

Angel extended his hand for hers. “You’ll know all the details inside,” he smiled, that same sad smile she knew so well to be his.

Buffy still hadn’t moved, so he walked over to her and wrapped one arm around her, pulling her to his side. She reluctantly begun pacing back to the apartment, along with him, the palm of the arm wrapped around her shoulders tightly clinched in her hands, her lips brushing slightly against it. “I won’t do it,” she avowed tenaciously, “whatever it is, I won’t do it, because I already know it means losing you.”

Angel only kissed her crown and tightened his cuddle, as they maintained walking towards Giles’ dwelling.

Part Three

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I cried a tear, you wiped it dry
I was confused, you cleared my mind
I sold my soul, you bought it back for me
And held me up, and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me
- Boyzone, 'You Needed Me'.

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Both Buffy and Angel did everything to avoid the probing stares that met the two of them once they entered through the front door. For once, they simply didn’t care what everyone else was thinking. And even Riley, whose eyes had evident difficulties in adjusting to the spectacle of his ‘girlfriend’ in the arms of another, got no response from either of them.

Angel reoccupied his past place in the bottom of the stairs heading to the second floor, and Buffy settled to his right, encircling her arms around his knee and resting her head on it, as he was tenderly stroking her back.

After the perplexed gazes were over, Giles took it it was time to begin. “Well,” he said, “since everything is alright here,” he couldn’t help but peep at Buffy and Angel, who didn’t seem to notice much of him, or anyone else for that matter, “I believe we should talk about what is truly significant here. Angel, will you tell them?” he asked the vampire. Receiving no answer, Giles reckoned he wouldn’t. “Alright, then I will. Doyle had a vision tonight,” he started, “what we managed to comprehend from its fine points led us to something I had formerly encountered in one of my books, but gave no mind to. Seems I made a rather reckless mistake.” Giles opened the book he was holding, and began to read out loud. “…The malicious darkness chased by a light, as the good and the evil stood together in a fight, the outdone of which shall impact the lives of all, when an angelic face is blessed with an angelic soul.” Giles scrutinized everyone’s reaction. “I presume it sounds familiar to you.” Yet, he got no response. “’An angelic face’, that would be the vampire with the angelic face. Now, we all know that that would be Angel. And the soul...it's a reference to Angel's curse.”

“So, what’s the big bad evil?” Xander asked in blunt misapprehension, “We know all that. Angel is cursed with a soul. You know, Giles, it’s kinda old news.”

“This is precisely why I took no notice of it when coming across it in the past. But listen now to the last two lines of the prophecy,” he turned back to the book. “…But then time is reversed, and the demon was never cursed.”

They all took it in at once.

“W…what did they mean by that?” Riley stuttered.

“They meant that my dear Sire here, is about to become a bad boy again, you poof,” Spike knew perfectly well that everybody in the room understood it too, but he just had to highlight it.

“Umm…Giles, just a question, but how the Hell did you overlook THAT?!” Xander shouted.

Giles appeared to be slightly discomfited. “I did not. I simply thought they were talking about…about…” he blushed, looking at Buffy at Angel, who were still sitting in the same pose, “well, I assumed they had been referring to…the incident that transpired on Buffy’s seventeenth birthday.”

Xander rose and began fretfully marching the room. “For God’s sake, they slept together, that’s why he lost his soul! I don’t recall any time being reversed, do you?! It doesn’t take a genius to figure out it was NOT what the prophecy’s talking about!”

Riley stole a glance towards Buffy and Angel. *Slept together?*

“I was rash, I’m not pleading otherwise. But there is no point in fighting over it now,” Giles retorted, “let’s go back to our main concern, shall we? Now, Doyle’s vision made this prediction tremendously logical. Now, I know exactly what is going to happen.”

“What?” Buffy finally spoke in a husky tone.

“Darla. I believe we all know who she was…”

“Of course!” Spike cut in cheerfully. “My dear grandma!”

“Shut up!” Willow, Anya and Xander bawled at him all together, but it still hadn’t erased the smirk off of his conceited face.

“And you killed her, you bloody ungrateful bastard,” he teasingly reproached Angel, who paid no attention to his childe.

“In any way,” Giles continued, “Darla was quite…upset after Angel regained his soul and renounced her. We all remember her abrupt appearance here several years ago, and we all recall that one of her supreme desires was to reclaim her former lover.”

“Can we please skip the reminiscing?” Spike requested. “And then Peaches here staked his own Sire to save his beloved Slayer, yeah, we all know. Can we get to the next part? It kinda brings back bad memories, you know.”

“You weren’t even there!” Willow mocked him.

“So? You think it makes me proud to hear that my Sire did that?! Almost inspires me to watch the sunrise!”

“And of course we’d never want that to happen…” Cordelia muttered.

“You open your mouth again, deary, and I’ll drink you dry,” Spike menaced, jerking up.

“And risk losing your head?” Cordy sneered.

Spike returned to his seat.

“Alright. May I please go on now, WITHOUT further interfering?” When everyone was finally quiet, Giles went on. “Darla is going to be the one to execute the prophecy. She will somehow go back in time, to preclude Angelus from ever even coming upon that Romany tribe whose elders cast the curse on him. If she succeeds…”

“If she succeeds, Angel will never be even thought of and while Angelus will be relishing his 24/7-eat-all-you-want banquet party, we all will doubtless be amongst the many who are currently NOT alive.”

Buffy peeped at Angel. He looked down in a shame. “Xander, do you have some severe difficulties in keeping your mouth shut? Cuz I can work them out for you in an instant,” she forewarned tranquilly and Xander conformed.

“Oh! Cranky much, Slayer?” Spike laughed at her. “I thought you two…what was that? Ah, yes! Weren’t together anymore!”

Before he could say anything else, he was ripped off the couch and pinned to the wall by the Slayer, in her not so good mood. “DON’T mess with me, Spike,” she hissed, “I’m not playing nice today, as you can see!” she let him go and made one step backwards. “If I hear you chirp ONCE more, about ANYTHING at all, you and I will have a quick introduction with the California’s morning sun. And I doubt anyone will miss you!” She dragged him back to the sofa and tossed him into his former place.

After a rapid recuperation, Spike stood up, and left the room with a huff.

Buffy ignored the stares of everyone around her, mainly Riley’s, and returned to her place next to Angel. “I'm going to stop it," she told her Watcher, resolve on her face, "and you're going to tell me what I need to do."

Giles looked at her regretfully. “Nothing, actually.”

She returned him a disapproving and yet desperate stare. “Nothing?!”

Angel put his hands firmly on her shoulders and made her face him. “We have a spell,” he started.

“What spell?”

“A spell that can transport you back in time.”

“To do what?” Buffy’s voice reflected fear. A fear, she herself didn't know the source of.

Angel breathed in deeply, preparing himself for the upcoming. “To make me nonexistent.”

Buffy shrunk away, so flabbergasted by his statement that her head hit the railing of the staircase. “I’m sorry,” she stumbled, “could you please…repeat that for me…cuz I thought I heard you say…”

“To make me nonexistent,” Angel repeated. “If you go back, and stop me from ever becoming a vampire in the first place…”

Buffy sprang up. “No!” she yelled. “No! This…this isn’t even an option!”

Angel tried to calm her. “Buffy, listen to me…” he attempted to touch her, but she recoiled.

“I said, NO!” she viewed everybody’s faces. “Have you actually CONSIDERED it?! I can’t believe you!”

“Buffy, this is the only way…” Angel tried to explain, but she wouldn’t listen.

“Find another!” she yelled, shaking him, as in trying to awake him from a dream. “Do you even realize what it means?”

“Yes, I do, but…”

She wouldn’t listen. Tears sparkled in her eyes when she later looked at him. "It means…I will never see you again,” she said softly, “it means I will never get to know you. It means…it means I will never get to love you. How can you let that happen? No,” she firmly shook her head, “no, there has to be another way, Angel,” she buried her face in his chest, crying, as he held her close, “there has to be another way…”

“I wish there was, love,” he whispered. Angel sat back on the step, pulling her down with him, still holding her in his arms.

When she finally pulled away, her eyes were red, swollen, much like his. He gently caressed her cheek, and she pressed her face into his palm. “You see…if I become him,” he struggled to talk logic into both of them, “let’s say I were him, for nearly one hundred years now, millions of innocent people would be dead. I can’t let that happen. And I know you can’t either.”

“There has to be a way to…”

“But there isn’t. You don’t understand, Buffy, if Darla succeeds in whatever she wants to do, YOU might be very well one of those people. Angelus will go for the Slayer first, believe me, I know. He had killed numerous Slayers; you would only be one more. He won’t even blink, and you’ll be lying dead at his feet. No sweat for someone like him. He tried to bring Hell onto this earth last time around and he almost did. Think he wouldn’t have done it before if he could? You’re wrong. If it weren’t for my soul, this WOULD be Hell now. You have no idea what this monster is capable of. You haven’t faced the true Angelus yet. What you saw was such a minor and meaningless part of him, that you can never imagine the real him, and there aren’t enough Watchers’ Diaries in the world to hold all of his deeds. I know what he’s able to do. Only I know, and I will never allow more people to experience his menace on their own flesh. Trust me, Buffy, there's a reason why Angelus was known as the world’s most vicious vampire. Getting the nickname ‘The Scourge of Europe’ was something he was more than very proud of. I can’t let that happen again. And trust me with this too; Darla won’t give up until she gets her pet back. I was her obsession. She Sired me only to make me as her lover, having no clue what kind of a fiend she was nurturing, and after she'd seen the power and the malevolence I held within me, she only became more and more pleased with her creation. Nothing will stop her from accomplishing her goal, unless she’ll be beaten to it, and this is exactly what we’re going to do.”

Buffy just gaped at him with teary eyes. “I can’t lose you,” she murmured faintly, “we have to find another way. What do you want me to do? What, you expect me to jump back in time and just kill you or something, make it like you were never in my life?! Do you really think I can kill you again?” she looked him straight in the eye, her tears never ceased falling. “Ask them,” she gestured at the others, “ask them, what kind of a…person I was, what a wreck I was after I'd had to send you to Hell! Ask them! Do you think I can do that again?! I still have nightmares about it! I can still hear you calling my name, and I can still see you extending your hand for me to save you…and I still want to pull you back…and I STILL can’t! I can’t do this! I’m not strong enough to kill you twice!” her voice died away, muffled with her tears. Angel gathered her into his arms and gently squeezed her. “I can’t, Angel. I won’t be able to live with myself after the second time, I won’t be able to live at all. I need to be sure you’re alive and well before I can fall asleep at night. I couldn’t sleep, knowing I killed the man I loved…again.”

Angel kissed her tenderly, soothingly pulling the disheveled hair off of her face. “You won’t have to,” he pledged. “You won’t have to go through that, I give you my word. You won’t remember me. You won’t even know me. You will never have met me. You can’t miss or love someone you've never met. If I’m…killed before I’m turned, I won’t live long enough for you to know me. I will remain and die as a normal man. In my own time, and not…centuries after.”

Buffy sniffled and managed a nervous chuckle. “Won’t know you? Won’t remember you? God, are you for real? I knew you, even before I met you. You’re such a part of me that we have NEVER been apart. You’ve always been with me. I only became aware of that after you entered my life, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t there before. You have ALWAYS been there, Angel, every step of the way. I don’t even want to imagine the person I would have become if you hadn’t been there. You made me, Angel. You were my mentor and my protector, you were that strength within me that always told me there was nothing I couldn’t overcome. It was you. Do you think I would still be the same without you?”

Angel focused on her. “Do you think I wanted it to be like that? Do you think I want to give up the only thing in my life that's actually worth something? That makes my nightly existence worth something?" He clasped her small hands in his, kissing each one and locked eyes with her again, both of their orbs are full of despair of eventually having to face the reality there was no other way. "I’ve lived for over two hundred years, and when I met you, I knew why. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I wasn’t lying to you when I told you I haven’t loved anyone but you all my life. I didn’t know what love truly was until I met you." He paused, and swallowed hard before talking again. "Do you think it’s easy for me to give all that up? Even when you weren’t there, in my hardest times, when I needed you so much; when I needed you to hold me or just to say that you love me again, I used to stare at a picture of you, and it filled me with an unbelievable strength. You give me hope, Buffy. Hope for that maybe I’m something more than a bloodsucking fiend. Maybe I too have a purpose. You say I'm your strength…you are mine. Don’t think that because you are the one to kill me and not the other way around, it’s in any way easier for me to handle. But I have no choice, so don’t you." He looked at her seriously, trying to prevent the emotions from clouding his gaze. "You are the Slayer, Buffy. You can’t preordain innocent people’s death. You can’t kill, even if it’s for me. You did it once, but it was only one person. Picture the lives of thousands, no, millions of people, being taken by Angelus. Can you let that happen? You’re not that selfish, Buffy. That’s why I love you so much.”

Buffy embraced him, pressing his body against hers, lovingly. “I can’t, Angel, it’s just…it’s too hard,” she sobbed, “I really can’t.”

He looked her in the eyes. “You have to,” he raised her chin, “please.”

She leaned forward, catching his lips halfway in a passionate kiss, to which he responded equally. The kiss lasted for as long as Buffy could do without breathing, drawing various stares from every person in the room. It was extremely typical for them to act as if no one else existed whenever they were together. These stares were soon turned to Riley, who strove to remain calm.

“I love you,” Buffy whispered as she pulled back slowly, reluctantly.

“I love you too,” he echoed, “but please, Buffy, do it for me. If you don’t…Buffy, I can’t kill all those people. Don’t you know me enough to understand I’d rather die than do that?”

She smiled and put her hand on his cheek. “I do. And I love you too much to ever force this on you.”

Angel kissed her hand and smiled too. “Thank you.”

Buffy nodded and rotated to Giles. “What’s the drill?” she inquired.

“A spell,” he answered. “Only a few words. I know it by heart.”

“Gee, Giles you got a way to send people through time and you never told anyone? You could have made a fortune by now,” she endeavored a joke.

Giles coughed tensely. “Yes, well…we can do it right now. The sooner, the better, Buffy…”

“We have time,” she cut him.

“No, I believe we’d better do it now. If Darla implements the prophecy before us, we’ll be too late. If we act fast, we might still prevent it from…”

“It’s not enough time…” she cried in Angel’s shirt.

Angel nearly froze. *No, I…I misheard. She couldn’t have…*

“It’s not enough time…” she reiterated.

*Remembered.*

Giles intervened his reflection. “Buffy, I’m sorry, but I don’t know the precise time when the prophecy is to come to pass…”

But she wasn’t with him. The Slayer’s full attention was in savoring her final moments in Angel’s arms. She clung to him like there was no force in the world to pull her away, and he held her tight, wanting her to stay as much as she didn't want to go.

“Buffy…” Giles coughed again. Couldn’t he give them just a little more time?

“Do it,” Buffy said, not leaving Angel’s arms, and he seemed to be fortifying his clasp.

“But...Buffy, you should part…”

“Damn it, Giles, just say the stupid spell,” she murmured gruffly, Angel hugged her even more if that was possible.

Giles began reciting, and Buffy felt she was fading away.

She angled her head up to kiss Angel one last time. “I will remember you,” she vowed, “I will never forget.”

The reverberation of her words stayed put in Angel’s mind long after his arms were empty. She knew.

Part Four

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Buffy gazed around her. It was dark. Too dark, for that matter, but she soon realized why. There were no streetlights. It looked odd at first, but then she remembered. *What streetlights? These people don’t even know about electricity yet!* she rebuked herself for her stupidity, but then she descried some lights. Well…fires, to be exact. They were scattered everywhere around. Some surrounded by groups of people, probably trying to warm up. This was when Buffy noted it was indeed colder than usually. *What do I know about Ireland’s climate?* she rebuked herself again. *How do I know I’m even in Ireland?…* but somehow, she knew…

Buffy surveyed the bonfires anew. They spread a gentle glow on all sides…somewhat enchanted even. She felt fascinated by a marginal matter such as this. Everything all over looked so…magical. As a sentient fairytale. She could not believe her eyes. The ambiance alone, but…the people, the clothes they wore, the way they looked, the way they acted…how everything was so old, so ancient and so…beautiful…she couldn’t arrest her astounded gaze from roaming all over the streets, the buildings…everywhere. She felt like it all had jumped right out of the pages of a history book. It was extraordinarily dreamlike. It was too striking. A man and a woman strolled past her, the man was relatively young, and he was wearing a long blue coat with matching hat and shoes, and holding a cane in his right hand, casually hurling it back and forth, along with his walking. His left arm was entwined with the woman’s right one, who was dressed in an elegant and ornamented gown. He courteously took his hat off and slightly bowed as they passed near Buffy, and the woman smiled nicely at her. Buffy’s mouth opened wide and she kept following the couple with her flabbergasted orbs even after they had walked off.

Buffy rubbed her arms against the cold, and only then became susceptible to the strange fabric of her attire. She couldn’t believe her eyes when she beheld herself and what she was wearing. “Oh, God,” escaped her lips, “is this a joke? I don’t have a good luck with these dresses!”

Buffy’s hair was combed neatly, her long blonde locks falling gracefully below her shoulders. She was togged up in an inflated gorgeous dress, mostly azure, but tastefully trimmed with blue laces. It had a deep neckline, was skin tight around her waist, and then expanded down to her white high-heeled shoes, as a large and rather heavy skirt. The style was very much like the one of her Halloween’s dress of years ago, when she had tried to be a normal girl for Angel…

The thoughts of her love filled her whole again, and the tears started once more rising in her throat. “I wonder who you are now,” she pondered. *He must be stunning in all those fancy clothes. Yet…he’s stunning in pretty much everything.*

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Buffy decided to inspect the area, to know to some extent where she was. The dress turned out to be a lot heavier than the one from Halloween, when Buffy started heading towards the nearest pub…or at least, she presumed it was a pub. *The real thing,* she observed. Suddenly she preferred her costume over the dress. *How were they moving around in this?*

She was unpredictably held up by three men advancing in her direction, nearly falling off their feet. They were evidently inebriated. *Men,* Buffy thought, *never change. Time has no effect on them,* she already forecast the imminent. the Slayer crossed her hands on her chest and stood there, waiting. The last thing she wanted was to deal with that drunken threesome, but she didn’t seem to have much of a choice.

“Why, look what we have here, James!” one of them exclaimed in intoxication, leaning his weight on the one that was called James.

“Indeed a pretty lass, gentlemen!” the third one agreed, drunken just as much, about to cave in to the ground any second.

Buffy smirked. “Yeah, great. Listen, guys, don’t you have somewhere to be? I know I do…*I just wish I also knew where that was* so be kind and get lost.”

She intended to leave the other way, when her ears caught a familiar sound. “This is no way to talk for a Lady.”

Buffy immediately halted and turned around. Her heart almost skipped a beat once he emerged into view. “Angel,” she gasped. He truly was gorgeous. He was in a white silk wide sleeved shirt, laced in the lapels, black tight pants that stressed the strong muscles of his hips, and white stockings, all that completed with black velvet shoes. He had a longer hairstyle, and Buffy decided she liked his hair spiny. Long hair decreased mildness from his features. But he still looked perfect to her. It seemed like he would never have any faults. He couldn’t have, not when SHE was looking at him. So, that he was. That was her Angel, when he was still human. That was the man she had been sent here to kill…Buffy shuddered at the thought.

“Angel?” his voice sounded again, “I do not see an angel.” He turned to his companions. “Do you see an angel?”

“No,” they all shook their heads.

“But I can be an angel for you, my Lady,” he bowed, “you truly are a beauty,” he complimented her, using his most dulcet voice.

Buffy looked into his eyes. They were shining with life. She missed so much seeing it in Angel. She only saw it once, that day that she wasn’t supposed to remember. And, now, there he was again, alive, right before her. But was this man really her Angel? Was he who she knew him to be? “You’re drunk,” she designated.

“I am?” he looked around in confusion. “I have not noticed so, lass. Perhaps, I am,” his lips curved in an enthralling smile.

*He’s dazzling even when drunk.* But Buffy saw there was unfortunately no point in trying to get to know him, or anything, tonight. “When you’re sober, look me up,” she said, “I’ll still be here.”

Disillusionment emerged on his face. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t want to let her leave. “Where are you going?”

She shrugged and grinned. “Someplace. I don’t know yet.”

If it were possible to become sober at once, he just had. “Why?”

“Because we have to talk, but not now.” With that, she rotated and strode off.

“A lovely girl, Liam,” one of the men stated after Buffy had left. “Liam?” his friend was still staring at where her image faded in the horizon, not listening to his approval, until he nudged his side.

“What?” Liam questioned.

“I said she was lovely,” the man repeated.

“Leave her, men!” James laughed at the two of them. “There are more back in the tavern! Ladies who will willingly give you more than just a brief talk! Let us go back.” He turned to walk back, and the other two tailed him, but Liam remained, longingly gazing after that strange girl. “Are you coming along, mate?” one yelled over his shoulder and they all stopped to wait for a response.

“No,” Liam refused, “I will be heading home instead.” He left the way Buffy did, hoping to maybe run into her again.

“I never thought I would say this,” one remarked, his gaze following Liam’s disappearing form, “but I think he is in love.”

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Liam quietly knocked on the huge doors of the mansion he knew to be his home, and an old servant opened them for him to enter. “You are miraculously early this morning, master Liam,” he observed. It wasn’t even dawn yet. For Liam to return from his drinking parties it truly was early. “Is anything the matter?”

“No, Thomas. Tell me, is mother asleep?” They paced together into the main hall.

“She is certainly not. She and your sisters were at the ball until late, they assumed you would be joining them. Your sister Laura has gone to bed perhaps an hour ago, but your mother and Lady Ilana are yet awake.”

Liam looked confused. “What ball, Thomas?”

“You received an invitation from Lord Hindley three days ago. Your mother has told you, I am certain of it. I must say she was extremely upset for your absence.”

Liam's hand flew to his head in frustration. “My God, I completely forgot about it!” he put his hands on Thomas’ shoulders and scrutinized him. “You say she was…only upset?”

The butler hesitated. “Well…”

“William!” his mother’s irritated tone jerked him erect. He let go of Thomas and the old butler absconded out of sight, knowing what scandal his mistress’ exasperation could set off.

Liam looked down. “Mother,” he muttered with fake calmness, then looked back at the woman before him, awaiting for his doom.

She put her hands on her hips and glared at her son with exasperation. “Where have you been?” she inquired rhetorically. “Has the tonight’s ball slipped your mind?”

“I forgot, mother.”

She nodded in unrestrained irritation. “You forgot. Did you also forget that THIS was the night you were to be presented before Lord Hindley’s daughter? Who is to become your wife?!” she shouted.

“She will NOT become my wife,” he persisted (he had been doing it for months now, but his mother didn’t seem to be listening). “I am not marrying some ignorant doll who has no mind of her own, and there is NOTHING you can say or do about it!”

Prior to Liam finishing his sentence, she whacked his cheek with full force, leaving him not at all thunderstruck. There was not a glimpse of compunction in her cold eyes when he looked back at her, bringing his hand to his distending side of the face. He simpered, as if he were expecting her to slap him. “And this will not help,” he said.

“How dare you?!” she yelled, just as a young woman, maybe three years younger than Liam himself, entered the room, concern on her face.

“What is going on here?” she questioned.

Liam turned to look at his sister. “Nothing you have not seen before, Ilana. Our mother is having a nervous outbreak.”

“How dare you speak to me…with such insolence?! You are a disgrace! A disgrace to the entire family! I cannot believe you are the one to inherit your father’s name!”

Liam sniggered. “You do not care about father or his name! All YOU care about is yourself! All you care about is not losing the title and the money after his death! And the rest can go to Hell!”

His mother looked like she was going to blow any second. “You are not to call me your mother any more, you ignorant fool!”

“Mother, please…” Ilana tried to allay her.

“Shut your mouth, Ilana!” she snapped at her. “The son of a Duke! Spending his life drinking and enjoying substandard whores! Twenty-six years old, and has not yet married and brought a successor! You do not deserve to be called your father’s son!”

Liam didn’t tremble. He was used to that. It almost was a nightly routine.

“Mother…”

“I said quiet, Ilana!” the Duchess turned back to her son. “Have you heard what people are saying about you? Do you even aware of how much you tarnish our family? And nonetheless, Lord Hindley put forward his younger daughter for you to wed! Such a lovely girl, the dream of every man. Chaste, dutiful, subdued, and he gives her away with such a reverent dowry. And you have the audacity to rebuff! To turn down such bargain! Do you think that so many fathers would want to marry their daughters to someone of a reputation such as your own?! You not only dishonored me by not attending to that ball, you also embarrassed Lord Hindley! You must start praying he shall uphold his bighearted offer after that!”

“I will NOT marry her,” Liam asserted, perhaps the millionth time, “I will choose the woman whom I will marry, not her father, and definitely not you. I will NOT marry someone I do not love…”

“Love?!” she interrupted. “What on earth does love have to do with marriage?!”

“Who are you to know?” he derided, but continued his speech. “I will not walk down the aisle with someone I do not love and do not want to be with, only to make you happy. I will find a wife in due course, and she does NOT need to be a Lord’s daughter to make me care for her. I want her to be herself, to be special, and not a mindless over adorned mannequin. But you will not understand any of it, will you, mother?”

She was too angry with him to retort. He had predicted her to shut, so he gyrated and went up to his room, not willing to allow her enough time to set off another squabble.

“I shall go talk to him,” Ilana offered.

Her mother didn’t pay attention. As she was ambling up the stairs, Ilana heard the Duchess still muttering. “The son of a Duke, and such a disgrace…”

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“You may enter, Ilana,” Liam voiced, once he heard the first knock on his door.

Ilana walked in, shutting the flap behind her.

“For God’s sake, cover yourself, Liam. It is not a proper sight for a gentleman, especially one who entertains a Lady in his bedchamber.”

Liam was lying on his bed when she came, shirtless. He smiled at his younger sister. She resembled her mother more with every passing day, the poor thing. He only wished for Ilana’s sake she wouldn’t become her once she was old enough. He obeyed though, and put back his blouse, gesturing for Ilana to the nearest armchair, and sitting across of her. “What did you want?” he queried.

“I wanted to talk about mother…”

“There is no need. As I said before, and as you know, she is being herself.”

“She may be, but in a way, you are too to blame, Liam. Why cannot you comply with her wishes and marry Lady Abigail?”

“I will not, Ilana. I cannot believe you are taking our mother’s side in this,” he stared at her with incredulity, both in his eyes and his voice, “I thought you understood me.”

Ilana was noticeably disappointed by her brother’s mistrust. “I do. But I begin to see mother’s point as well, and in some ways, she is right. Liam, you are already twenty-six years old, and yet have not established a family of your own. Father is very ill,” she reminded, “as distressing as it is for me to say, he will not last long, and when he shall pass away, everything will go over to you, and you have no wife, and no heir. This is an indignity for itself, Liam, but it is inconsequential against the fact that if something Heaven forbid happens to you, we will lose all our possessions. We are women, Liam. We are dependent on you and you know it,” Ilana took in her brother’s amazed gaze. She didn’t mean to sound like her mother. “I do not mean to sound like her, Liam, but however, it is the truth. We cannot keep the money, nor the estates, unless there is a man to govern it all. We shall wind up on the street. Is that what you wish?”

Liam grinned reassuringly. “I am not going to die any time soon, Ilana.”

She took a deep breath and shook her head 'no'. “She is a lovely Lady, Liam. She will always be modest and do as told…”

“That is it exactly. Cannot you see? I do not want someone like her.”

“What do you want, then?”

Liam’s gaze wandered away from Ilana’s. A light smile illuminated his features.

His sister regarded it. “Is there someone else, Liam? Is there a Lady who will satisfy your taste?”

He faced her again. “I have met someone,” he imparted.

“Who is she?” there was prospect in her voice.

“I do not know, Ilana.”

“Whatever do you mean…well, she surely has a family, a father, and she surely has a name.”

“I do not know any of these. All I know is that she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I only glanced once at her and her face will not leave my mind ever since. I do not care whether or not she has come from a wealthy family, or if she has a family at all. I purely want to see her again.”

“It sounds to me that Lady has captured your heart, Liam.”

“She has. She has such glow about her, such beauty, and rareness...a distinctiveness. She is one of a kind, I am sure of it. She is the one I wish to spend my life with, Ilana, no doubt here. She is what I have been looking for, and until now thought never to be found. SHE is what I want.”

Ilana wasn’t sure whether she should share her brother’s happiness. “But what if she is a simple maid, Liam? What if she has no class?…”

“I told you, I do not care,” he stood up and paced back to his bed. “I am tired now, if you do not mind. It was a long night.”

“Of course,” Ilana also stood up, “I shall retire myself. But Liam, please, promise me you will give as much thought as you can to that mysterious girl of yours before you will do anything rash.”

He only beamed at her. “Good night, Ilana.”

“Good night,” she closed the door after her, leaving him alone in the room.

Liam knew exactly who would be haunting his dreams tonight, as he curled up under the covers with a content smile on his face.

Part Five

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It's so hard
To believe
I don't have you right beside me
As I long to touch you
But you're out of my reach
And my heart doesn't feel
It's so very cold inside me
Just a shadow of someone that I used to be

- Mariah Carey, 'Just to Hold You Once Again'

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Buffy was silently pacing the dusky lanes, when she abruptly paused. It was like a thought, a concept, materialized in her mind out of the blue. What was she doing? Had she essentially realized what she was doing? She was there to KILL the man she loved, and all she'd been doing till now was enjoying the view! Had she given enough thought to what she was going to do? Was she truly that ready as she professed to be? NO! How could she? It was impossible. It was out of the question. How on earth had she ever managed to mess up her life so much? How could she ever promise Angel she would do such a thing? It was Angel. It was her Angel. The only man who she would ever love, and she'd promised him to kill him. How could she have done this? She had killed him once *for the greater good of all mankind,* she scorned herself. Then, she'd almost killed him again; when it was clearly HER fault he was on that hill that Christmas daybreak, trying to commit suicide. If it hadn’t been for her, he would have never winded up even reflecting upon it. He had been anxious he might hurt her, so he'd just decided that the simplest resolution would be to let the sun burn him down to ash. It hadn’t been enough she had been incessantly plagued with nightmares of her killing Angel, of his forlorn and betrayed expression the moment she'd driven the sword through him, but seeing this same face again on that hill, when she was as desperately trying to bring him to shelter from the sun, as he was trying to stay put... She had never seen him so lost and so broken like he was then, and she had translated it all into being her fault. She'd stopped a long time ago, trying to analyze whether it actually WAS her fault, she'd preferred to just hold on to it as it was. It sometimes made finding at least one sound reason for Angel’s leaving easier, considering she had been convinced she had done something wrong.

And then, on top of all that, he'd gone and given up his humanity, his only chance for a real life and a real future for HER sake – AGAIN. She had never forgotten that day. How could she? Had he actually been counting on that she would? Would she ever be able to forget it? People can never bring themselves to forget the transpiration of their most cherished dream, especially not someone who had to later live her life clinging to that dream as to the only thing she had cherished. And it really was. It was the only thing.

She was so mad at him. She was so angry with him after she hadn’t forgotten that day and he'd still let her go. How could he do that to her?! Hadn’t he cared? Hadn’t she mattered to him AT ALL? But on the other hand, it was no surprise either. It was he. Her Angel. Her loving and caring Angel, who would do anything for her. Who would die for her…and he had. He'd died for her. “We could have been happy now,” she whispered, as a first of many tears to come rolled down her cheek. “We could have been so happy, my love.”

She reminisced of Angel. She remembered his handsome face, his bright smile, illuminated by the sun…she would give her life just to see that smile again. And the way he'd held her in his arms, so protective, so loving, and so secure. He had never been so free like in that day. He was truly happy. He'd tried all the time to let her see how happy she'd made him, but in his smiling eyes there was also the hidden fear of becoming too happy and suffering the consequences. But that day it was absent. He was purely happy. He was holding his love in his arms, kissing her, caressing her, telling her how much he loved her, and there was no stupid curse that could ruin these perfect moments. She missed him so much. She would wake up crying in the middle of the night at least ten times per night, and Willow would always worriedly ask if anything was wrong, if she had a nightmare, and all Buffy could say was that nothing was wrong, and fall back asleep, until she would wake up in another two hours or so and the whole thing would repeat itself. How could she ever tell her?

But eventually she had to, after she'd woken up screaming one night, and Willow was by her side, the redhead told Buffy she was crying something like ‘Never forget’ in her nightmare and constantly calling for Angel. Buffy ran out of arguments then. She could no longer claim it was nothing, after Willow had heard her saying ‘Angel’. So, she told her. She spilled her heart before her best friend and told her everything. And all Willow could do was just hold her. Hold her, and soothingly stroke her hair while she was lamenting in her lap, just like she had done after Angel had first told her he was leaving. She was crying so terribly and heartrendingly, Willow feared she would any minute choke from her amount of tears. And again, in some point Willow told her it was horrible. And again…Buffy knew that horrible was still coming.

And horrible was coming. Horrible was coming and getting even more horrible. She'd cried so much. She'd cried more tears than she'd thought her body contained. She'd felt as if a part of her was gone. She'd remembered what she'd told Willow right after Angel had broken up with her – ‘right now I’m just trying to keep from dying’. And at first, she was, she truly was. Only that then she felt she was already dead. Her soul and her heart were dead and nothing but an ensouled creature of the night could bring them back to life. Buffy used to cling to his image, to his loving and tender face, to his soft voice. She'd even held a habit of calling him sometimes, only to hear him answer, and then hang up. She used to visualize his arms wrapped around her when she felt pain. And she'd felt pain. And most of the times, he had been the reason for her pain, and even despite that, the imaginary feeling of being held in his strong arms when she cried, was seldom enough to grant her at least a certain comfort.

She had never felt as lost as she felt now. She had given the only man she loved a promise she couldn’t keep. She had the spell, she could go back whenever she wanted and admit to everyone that she'd failed. *It’s not like it would be a first,* she thought. But at the same time, she knew she’d never do it. She couldn’t. After all, she had promised, and she was known for keeping her word. She would never forget.

Part Six

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Liam had promised himself he wouldn’t drink tonight. He'd promised himself for thousands of times the very same thing, but tonight it was different. Tonight, he really wanted to make it. Before, it had been for his mother, for his father, for his sisters, other countless members of his broad family who begged him to stop and act like his caste claimed him to, mostly to stop humiliating them by doing so. Yes, he cared about them, but he also was a young man who wanted to have fun, and this was his idea of fun. He had usually avoided them, giving less and less significance to their opinion of him, but tonight, he had swore he wouldn’t drink, and for a change, THEY had nothing to do with it. It was she, that girl he'd met the night before. For the first time in his life, he had truly felt humiliated by someone telling him he was drunk. What bothered him the most was the idea of appearing low in her eyes. He wasn’t able to bear the thought alone, needless to mention the effect the look in her eyes once she told him he was drunk had on him. He was discomfited to the core. It bothered him. It more than bothered him, and at first, he had hated it; he had hated her for making him feel like he was worth nothing, but then the anger had vanished into the will to be right for her, into the will to never have her looking at him like that again. He remembered her gaze the moment she had first seen him, before acknowledging his drunkenness. He longed for her to look at him like that again. It was a gaze so warm, so full of love. He hadn't known love. He had never loved anyone before. At least, not the kind of love a man must be feeling towards a woman. But somehow he was sure he was in love with her. He didn’t know why. After all, he had only seen her once, but after that one time, everything inside him felt different. He didn’t feel himself anymore, and the way he did feel – the way his entire body was quivering, swept in delightful warmth to the mere thought of her – he loved it.

But he failed. He hated himself so much for failing, because for the first, it was also a failure in HIS eyes, and especially – HER eyes. Not only the eyes of others. He was sitting in the tavern, on his…sixth, perhaps ninth…he had even stopped counting how many beakers of whisky had he drunk. He cursed his mother silently, blaming her for the whole event. He was so self satisfied after he had turned down his friends’ invitation to spend the night with them in their usual routine and stayed home, but no. The Duchess hadn't seemed to be finished with the previous night’s quarrel, she had to continue it tonight as well. After maybe an hour or so of wrangling with her, he simply stormed out, and ended up here, ordering his first tipple. He couldn’t have possibly imagined what the future held for him. His nightmarish night was nowhere near being over.

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Buffy was slowly sauntering the dark streets. Even after a whole day of seeing practically everything, she could still enjoy it all every time as if it were the first. It was too spectacular. Already then Buffy knew she would need a lot more than a day to fully estimate everything she had seen until now and everything she hadn’t yet seen but hoped to. She knew exactly what had captured her. The innocence, the simplicity, and the delicate yet fabulous beauty of almost everything in this ancient Ireland. She hadn't known it back home. She probably hadn’t even known such things existed, or could have existed. She had only heard about them in stories, fairytales her mother used to tell her when she had been little, history classes she had never bothered to stay awake in… And naturally, witnessing it all with her own eyes was nothing in comparison to hearing about it from someone else.

Buffy had spent most of the past night in an inn. Not that she had had any money with her to pay for a room, but it was better to be sitting in there by the fire than maybe freezing outdoors. She beamed to herself, reminiscing of the stares she drew last night in the tavern. She could only guess by the way she was dressed that a lady ‘of her station’ wasn’t supposed to be seen in a place like this. She had no idea that a lady of any station wasn’t supposed to be seen there, especially when she was unescorted. She saw women there, so she naturally couldn’t understand why it wasn’t ‘okay’ for her to be there as well. How could she know these women were mostly harlots? Their outfits seemed as respectable to her as her own.

Buffy was hungry too. She didn’t feel hunger, but deep inside she was, because she hadn’t eaten anything since she got here. She had no money, and even if she had, most of the food she saw there she didn’t recognize. She didn’t know what wouldn’t kill her if she ate it. But she didn’t give much notice to the hunger, or even the cold (most of the day she had spent outside). Her thoughts were constantly plunged with Angel. Her Angel, the one she'd met here… She'd never tried to equate between the two men that in the end were the same person anyway. A person could not change completely. The body could change, of course. The body could be harmed, it could be killed, but not the soul. The soul would always remain the same. She knew if she dug deep enough in the human Angel, she would find the man she loved. She would find his soul, and she intended to. Buffy completely disregarded that her ‘mission’ was to kill him. Now that she thought of that, she knew from the start she could never do that. But she had promised Angel. She'd promised her love she wouldn’t let him be taken by his demon again. She would never do this to the soul she loved so much, she would never let it be tormented like that. So, what she was brooding over was finding an alternate solution. Buffy had no clue that her solution was behind the next turn, in a murky lane.

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Her ponderings were abruptly stopped by a strong thud coming from an alley. She couldn’t believe her eyes when what was transpiring there became evident to her. She was witnessing an event of history, the very event the repercussions of which had turned her entire life upside down, the very same event she had been sent here to prevent from happening. Her mind wasn’t working clearly when she saw Darla feeding on Liam before her eyes. She wasn’t contemplating over what she should or should not do. She had no more time left to seek out for a different solution anymore. All she could see was someone killing the man she loved, and that was ALL she could care about. As it was already proven in Faith's case, she could be homicidal to anyone who would harm him. She ran over to them and ripped Darla off of him, throwing her with all her Slayer's strength into the wall. When the vampire recovered from her shock and came forth to attack, Buffy was already prepared. She swept out a stake (she had made one for a case of running into a vampire), and drove it right through Darla’s dead heart. She immediately turned to dust.

Buffy was standing there, gazing at the dust scattered allover her and around her, and the entirety of what she had just done finally sank in. Now, there was no way back anymore. She felt strange. She realized she didn’t care. It was a decision made in a sweep of a moment, but it was the right one. She had less than one second to decide whether or not to let Angel become a vampire. If she let him, then nothing would change. She would go back to where she came from. If she didn’t…she would go back to a world without Angel. A world in which she most likely wouldn’t be alive, but even if she were, her life would not be the same. She remembered the spell, she could use it anytime, whenever she wanted to. But she no longer wanted to. She erased the spell from her mind as if it were never there. The moment she dashed to save Angel, she actually chose between the two. And she already knew what her next choice would be. She already knew she was never coming back.

Buffy hastened to Liam lying on the cold ground, his eyelids almost entirely shut. She could see he was too disoriented to fully realize what had happened to him. His hand flew to his neck as Buffy kneeled beside him, and he paled even more than he already was from the blood loss to the sight of the blood. Then he looked at her. Liam tried to say something. His lips were moving, but no sound was coming out of his mouth. Then he restored his hand back on his neck, ineffectually trying to stop the intensive bleeding there.

Luckily, Buffy had a quick thinking. She tore at her dress, and tied the piece of cloth tightly around his punctured neck. Nevertheless, she saw it wasn’t enough. The fabric was soon drenched with blood. She needed to somehow get him home. But where the Hell was ‘home’?!

As if reading her thoughts, Liam attempted to rise, propping himself up on his palms, and she helped him up. He turned her attention over to a great castle in approximately ten or fifteen minutes walking from where they were. Buffy nodded and let him lean on her. It was obvious that in his present state he wouldn't be able to walk there on his own. But the feeling of having his body so adjacent to hers, allowed other thoughts into her mind. Buffy held him more firmly now, not only keeping him stable, but also taking pleasure in the closeness they hadn’t shared…for far too long. He reclined on her hesitantly, not definite if it was proper for him to be so close to her, but then again, not that he had been such a great fan of ‘what’s right’ formerly.

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Thomas’ eyes widened in fear to the sight before him. He scurried to let both Buffy and Liam inside. “What happened, miss?” he questioned her, as she was seating Liam on the nearest chair.

Before she could answer anything, a girl, not much older than she, entered the room. Seeing her brother, Ilana gasped fearfully. “What happened to him?” she asked Buffy. “And who would you be, if I may ask?” that was uttered in a more suspicious tone. “Thomas, go fetch someone to help him to his room,” she ordered the elder man. “Well?” Ilana queried nervously.

*What am I supposed to say?* Buffy pondered, *I’m his lover from the future?* “A vampire bit him. Hope you know what that is…I found him.”

That moment two younger servants walked into the room with Thomas and took Liam up to his bedroom, supporting him from both sides.

After they were gone, Ilana faced Buffy. “I thank you very much for helping my brother,” she said politely, “you can go now, we will no longer require your services.”

*Services?! Who the Hell does she think she is?!* Buffy felt a strong urge to slap her at this moment, but she decided she’d better behave herself. “Listen, can I at least see if he’s okay?”

Ilana refused. “It will not be necessary. I am sure he will be alright,” she seemed anxious to get Buffy out of her house. She opened the door, by that bluntly asking her to leave.

Buffy did so, choosing not to argue over this, but something told her to remain close to the mansion for a while, and of course, she did that too. She found a bench outside and sat there.

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Liam was already in bed when Ilana came into his bedroom.

“May I come in?” she opened the door a little and asked before stepping in.

“Yes,” he approved hoarsely. It was still painful for him to speak. “Where is she?” he asked Ilana as soon as she was in the room.

“Who?” his sister asked innocently. Somehow, she knew whom he was referring to.

“The lass…who brought me here.”

“Well…she has left.”

He exerted to rise on his elbows to look his sister in the eyes. “She has not left. You have banished her.” It was a statement.

“I had to, Liam,” she tried to justify, “she was so rude, and so…well, her language alone, and her dress...was dirty and torn... She resembled a farm maid, Liam. You must not be involved with someone of her kind. It is not right.”

He wasn’t listening. “Bring her back, Ilana,” he tried to sound convincing, “bring her back, now.”

“No,” she insisted, “I shall not.”

He sank back into his bed. He didn’t possess the strength to argue now. He barely had the strength to keep his eyes open. But he still wanted that girl. He wanted her to hold him. He wanted to feel safe in her arms again. *Why did she have to send her away like that?* “She saved my life,” he whispered, as he seemed to be drifting into sleep.

Ilana gazed at him. *Saved his life?* she thought. *She is merely a girl. How could she have fought a vampire? And yet…here he is. And SHE brought him here.* “Mother is going to kill me,” she muttered, as she rushed down the stairs.

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“Did you want anything, my Lady?” Thomas asked when she was down. “Is master Liam well?”

“He is, Thomas. I need you to go and find that lass who brought him here. Do it now, please.”

He looked at her with surprise. “Where shall I seek for her?”

“I do not know, Thomas, but Liam asked for her. I did not have the heart to refuse him. And please, Thomas, do not tell my mother of that," she pondered over her words for a second, "also, do not tell anyone else.”

“Of course, ma’am,” he bowed.

The old butler took his coat and went outside.

To Ilana’s surprise, he returned seconds later, with Buffy by his side. “The young lady was awaiting outside, ma’am,” he explained.

Buffy gazed at Ilana questioningly. *What does she want?*

“My brother has called for you,” Ilana said.

Buffy couldn’t help but smile. “So, are you going to show me where his room is?”

Ilana swallowed. Oh, her mother was definitely going to kill her when she found out. She led the way to Liam’s room.

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Buffy didn’t wait for a special invitation to walk in. Secretly, Ilana wondered over the rudeness of that girl. *Where did she come from?* she carefully closed the door behind her, and stayed in, watching as Buffy sat on the edge of Liam’s bed, without the slightest hesitation. *He is not even fully dressed!* she observed. *Has she no shame at all, being so close to a single man? And in his own bedchamber?!*

Buffy gently caressed his peaceful sleeping face. She untangled the cloth off his neck, seeing the blood had already stiffened, but still needed to be cleaned. She absorbed it in the bowl of water on his nightstand, which’s original purpose was to wash hands, and began cautiously washing around the holes in his neck.

Ilana was amazed. *What is she doing? It is not a lady’s charge to mess with blood. Such plainness of a person…where was she raised?*

Buffy didn’t seem to mind her piercing eyes, but she also preferred not to have her there at all.

Suddenly, Liam stirred and opened his eyes a little. “You…” he whispered, gazing at Buffy, “who are you?”

She stuttered. “I…ummm…Buff...Anne,” She finally decided on her middle name. She assumed it would make her less alien to this era than her real one. It was a clever choice.

“Anne,” he echoed her name softly, “it is a beautiful name.”

She merely smiled.

“Where are you from, Anne?” Ilana queried.

Buffy shrugged. “Around.”

“You have no home?” Ilana refused to believe.

“No,” Buffy saw no point in lying.

“You are welcome to stay here,” Liam addressed it more to his sister than to Buffy. "My home is yours."

Ilana stared at him in shock. “Liam, mother will not approve such a thing…”

“Mother will approve whatever I will tell her to approve,” he grinned weakly. “She occasionally tends to forget that when father is not functioning, I am the Duke and this is my roof she lives under.”

Ilana recognized the truth in his words. Still, standing up against her mother was a risky thing to do. Even when you're a Duke.

“I can say you are a friend of mine who has come to visit,” Ilana suggested.

Liam smiled at her gratefully. He also knew it was better not to appose his mother.

Buffy decided she was starting to like Ilana after all. “Could you please leave us alone for a few minutes?” she asked as politely as she could conjure up.

Ilana was astounded. “W…what? Alone? In my brother’s room? How can you ask me to do such a thing?”

Buffy smiled sweetly. “I will not harm him, I promise.”

“B…but this is so wrong…what will people say?…”

“Please, Ilana?” Liam joined Buffy’s request. “I promise to behave.”

“As you wish then, but if mother ever finds out, she shall kill us both.” With that, she left.

Buffy leaned forward and tenderly kissed Liam on his brow. He never expected such blunt display of affection. He beamed, his eyes closed, as he was still feeling her lips against his skin.

Buffy smiled at the immediate change in him. She loved the way she could affect him with a simple kiss. She had been right all along. Deep inside, it was the same person. Maybe even not as deep as she had thought. She gently let her hand caress the sides of his face, as he kept his eyes closed, living the dream her touch made reality, until he fell asleep.

Buffy just sat there, not moving from his side, observing as he was fast asleep. The smile caused by being with him like that again, never leaving her face. She could only gaze at him sleeping, note the way his chest rose and fell regularly with each breath, as the warmth of his hand clasped in hers penetrated through her skin…if she concentrated enough, she could even hear his heart beating.

Part Seven

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Liam wasn’t even hardly surprised when the first thing his eyes saw when he opened them the next morning was Buffy, rumpled in an armchair in front of the bed. She was still sleeping peacefully, and she looked so beautiful to him. She looked like an angel. *She stayed with me all night,* he thought to himself. Suddenly, his ears caught a weak rap on his door. “Come in,” he whispered.

Ilana entered and closed the door. Liam put his finger to his lips to indicate her to keep her voice down.

“She has spent the night?” Ilana queried in astonishment.

Her brother nodded. Abruptly a worried look crossed his face. “You did not tell mother, did you?”

“Of course not, Liam. What a fool do you think I am? But she will know in a short time. I presume you do remember there is still breakfast to attend.”

Liam felt sick due to a mere thought of food. “I do not think I will be eating anything. I feel somewhat sick. But do have food brought here,” he peered at Buffy, “I have a feeling she is starved.”

“Alright,” Ilana consented, “I reason she will not be…sharing your room from now on.” It wasn’t a question. “I have ordered to prepare one of the guest rooms for her.”

Liam opposed. “It was not necessary, Ilana. I will put her in the room next to mine. It is standing empty anyway. The guests’ wing has not been in use for a very long time. There are rats there and Heavens know what else. I will not have her sleeping there. She is my guest, and she will live in my quarters. There is plenty of room.”

“Mother will be angry, Liam. She will never approve…”

“Mother will approve whatever I will tell her to approve,” he declared plainly, again, “she has propensities to forget some things occasionally. It is about time I reminded her of these conventions she craves me so much to follow.”

“Do not aggravate her, Liam. I beg you.”

“I do not, and moreover do not intend to. But I will also not allow her do dictate my life any longer than she already did. And I will not put Anne in the guests’ wing.”

“She is a guest, Liam.”

“She is MY guest, and she will reside in the room next to mine. It is the end of this discussion, Ilana.”

Ilana accepted it under duress. “Alright. I shall be leaving now. I will be back when mother will leave for shopping, and I will bring some decent gowns of mine. She must not have mother seeing her in…that,” she looked with slight aversion at Buffy’s dress.

“Thank you. Do it, please, and ask someone to have food brought. I do not feel strong enough to go downstairs yet.”

“I will ask Alice.” She shut the door behind her.

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Liam looked at Buffy. It really didn’t surprise him when he had woken up and found her. He had known she had been there all night even before he saw she was. He had known she had been guarding him. He had never slept so peacefully in his life. Throughout the entire night, he had had the feeling of a guardian angel watching over his sleep. When he woke up, this feeling turned to be a reality. He had no doubt SHE was his guardian angel, in all manners concerned.

Suddenly, she began to stir and sluggishly stretched up.

Buffy instantly caught his intent look towards her. “Hey,” she greeted him, still drowsily, “slept well?”

“Yes, thank you,” he beamed. “You?”

“Was okay. I’d rather to do it in a bed next time though,” she beamed mischievously, sending him a playful, yet alluring gaze.

He blushed and looked away.

“You look better,” Buffy remarked.

“I feel better too.”

She stood up and moved to sit next to him. He wasn’t able to hide his surprise due to her boldness and bluntness. He simply prized it. Liam flinched unexpectedly when she touched his neck.

She smiled and he unwound. “Don’t worry,” she reassured, “I won’t be biting you any time soon. Besides,” she glanced at the open window and the sunlight shining through it, “if I wanted to, I’d be a toast by now.”

He just smiled coyly, and let her touch his neck, where the bite marks were already long closed. He loved her brisk idiom and sense of humor, even though he didn’t quite understand what she meant to say sometimes. But how could he tell her that it was her touch that made him quiver, and not the fear from her biting him? He tried to seek for the exact words to tell her how he felt about her, but didn’t find any. He didn’t know any. He had never said anything like this to anyone before. Besides the fact he simply had had no one to say it to, he was taught it wasn’t…proper.

“You were lucky. She didn’t drink too much.”

“Because of you."

Buffy chuckled. “I somehow doubt it was just that. She had other planes for you, buddy. Killing you wasn’t one of them.”

“Excuse me?”

“Never mind,” she beamed.

He beamed too. “It wonders me every time anew how freely you do things. Like you do not have to answer to anyone. Like you do not care how everyone would feel about your deeds.”

“What kind of a life would I have if I didn’t?”

“I know. You are right. You are…you are…” he paused, “special. If you believe something is right, you do it. You live your life according to yourself. You remind me of…of what I myself try to be. I only wish I could be like you.”

Buffy giggled. “I take it as a compliment.”

Liam blushed again. “It…it is. It is a compliment. I…love it…in you.”

“You always have.”

“Ah?”

“Never mind again. I’ll fill you in later.”

Liam nodded in agreement, and looked down. He didn’t say anything for a while, and Buffy descried him nervously pulling at the bedcover. She took a hold on his hands and smiled at him. “Tell me.”

He hesitated. He didn’t want her to think little of him. It was the last thing he wanted. His dilemma was whether he could trust her with his inner feelings.

“I was afraid,” he said finally.

She knew exactly what he meant by that, and therefore squeezed his hands. “It’s okay.”

“No, I really…I really was. I thought I was going to die. I was not afraid of her. I was afraid of dying.” He looked up at her. “Have you ever…been bitten?”

“Yeah,” she replied right away.

“Were you also scared?”

“No.”

“How come?”

She beamed simply. “Because I trusted him with all my heart. I knew he would never harm me. I knew he’d rather die before.”

He was flabbergasted. “You mean to say you…LET a vampire to…”

“My blood was the only way to save his life. I couldn’t let the only man I loved die.”

Liam started to feel increasing admiration towards her. This girl had devotion within her he hadn’t known before. “It must have demanded an outstanding courage.”

Buffy waved her hand dismissingly. “Don’t over-flatter me,” she grinned, but then her face turned solemn again. He could almost see the reflection of her reminisces in her eyes. It gave him a throwing sensation. “Really. It hasn’t. It was actually the easiest thing I have ever done. The easiest decision, that is. When you love someone like we loved each other, you very soon come to the realization that your lover’s life comes before your own in your order of priorities.”

“He must be an exceptional man. And a very lucky one, if I might add. I wish I could meet him.”

Buffy smiled and gently kissed his forehead. “You ARE he.”

Liam’s entire body tingled. He loved so much the way she touched him, the impact she had on him. It was like a spell. He never wanted to let her go. After having her in his life for only a couple of days, he dreaded the way his life would be without her. But her heart was given to another. She had said so herself. And still, if he hadn’t known better, he would have thought the love radiating from her eyes was meant for him. Perhaps it was merely prompts of his inner desires. But…what was it she had said?… Before Liam could let the meaning of her words sink in completely, he heard a knock on the door. “Enter,” he said.

A servant walked in, holding a tray of food in her hands. She halted for a second to make sure she was seeing right. A strange girl, sitting naturally on the bed of a half naked Liam…but she soon snapped out of it. Buffy strove not to laugh at her reaction, and so did Liam.

“Are you feeling better, sir?” She inquired.

“Yes, Alice, thank you. Put the tray on my nightstand, if you please. It is for the lady.”

She obeyed, million thoughts running through her head as she placed the food before Buffy, granting her a polite curtsy. Buffy returned an approving nod and a smile. Then she shot Liam a questioning gaze, *He asked to bring me food? When did I tell him I was hungry?*

He beamed reassuringly in return.

“You do not wish to have breakfast, sir?” Alice asked.

“Not this morning, Alice. I do not feel well. Has mother left for shopping yet?”

“She has, sir. She has only just left, in fact.”

“Thank you, Alice. And please do not inform anyone of Lady Anne’s presence here until I do it myself.”

“As you wish, sir. Anything else?”

“Yes. Could you please summon my sister Ilana to my room?”

“I am sorry, but mistress Ilana and mistress Laura are out in the gardens. They will be hard to find. But as soon as she returns, I will tell the Lady you wish to see her.”

He nodded. “Thank you. That would be all, Alice.”

She bowed. “I hope you will feel better and join the family for lunch today, sir,” she glanced at Buffy and bowed again, “ma’am.”

Buffy smiled and Alice left. She turned back to Liam. “You ordered food for me?”

He was taken aback. “I realize you have not asked, and I am sorry if you are displeased, but I was under the impression you were hungry, so I allowed myself to...”

She kissed his cheek. He felt immediate shivers running down his spine. He’d never get used to it, but how much he loved it!

“Thank you,” she said in her sweet voice, “it’s very nice of you. I can’t wait to dig in, I’m starving!”

“Dig in?”

She chuckled. “Sorry. My bad. Eat.”

He smiled. “You use all these phrases I have never heard before. I wish I could learn more about you.”

Buffy beamed.

*Was it irony in her eyes?*

“I always thought you were the one who knew everything about me.”

“How could that…” then her words from before hit him again, “what did you mean when you said ‘you are he’?”

“I'll tell you after breakfast, okay?”

“Of course. You are hungry.”

“No…WE are hungry.” She surveyed the food. She saw some cupcakes, a schooner of orange juice, a cop of tea, a few waffles, and some other foods she didn't recognize. Buffy picked up the schooner and handed it to Liam. “Open wide!” she smiled.

He pulled back. “I am not hungry. Please, excuse me if I do not eat with you. I feel a little nauseous since last night’s incident.”

“But, sweetheart, this is exactly why you need to eat more. Besides, orange juice has vitamins in it, or whatever. It’s good for you precisely because you lost a large amount of blood. Your system needs food to overcome that loss.”

He pretty much stopped listening after ‘sweetheart’. “You called me ‘sweetheart’?”

She shrugged artlessly. “I did? Sorry, just habit, I guess. Why, you don’t want me to call you that? I won’t call you that.”

“I do not…I do not know. I want to, but…” he looked for a way out of this topic, “would that gentleman you talked about not mind you being here with me?”

She laughed. “Boy, you got SOO much I need to tell you! But I will tell you all about it ONLY after you drink everything in that glass,” she stared at him expectantly.

Somehow, he knew there was no point in arguing with her. Liam sipped at the juice, and to his surprise, didn’t feel like wanting to heave it all out.

Buffy read his thoughts. “So? It stays down?”

It took him a while to interpret the exact meaning of her words, but he did. He grinned approvingly.

She grinned back. “Good. Drink up, then.”

Part Eight

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“You are absolutely stunning!” Liam exclaimed, not able to take his eyes off Buffy, as she was reviewing herself in the long mirror in Ilana’s room.

“Thank you,” she beamed, “it was very nice of your sister to let me wear one of her dresses. It’s really beautiful.”

“Not nearly as beautiful as the lady wearing it.” He offered her his hand and she took it, moving away from the mirror towards him.

“Here it is!” Ilana returned from the next room with a shawl to go with Buffy’s gown, and handed it to her. “I told you I had it somewhere.” She inspected Buffy. *Now it is complete.* “I can call for someone to do your hair, if you wish. A lady can never appear too respectable.”

Liam still had his eyes on Buffy. “I do not think you could ever make her more beautiful than she already is, Ilana.”

Buffy smiled at him and squeezed his hand, then she smiled at Ilana. “Thank you for doing this. But are you sure it won’t get you in some sort of trouble with your mom? I mean, wouldn’t she realize it’s your dress I’m wearing?”

“No!” Ilana dismissed. “Do not worry yourself over my mother. She can barely recall all of her gowns. She certainly cannot recall all of mine. I have too many. You can keep this one, if you like. I would not necessitate it anymore, I suppose, since it has been a while now that I have been planning to order an entire new wardrobe for myself. I can scarcely track the fashion changes these days,” she laughed.

“Well…” Liam said finally, entwining his arm with Buffy’s, “may I have the honor of escorting the lady to diner?” he questioned.

She smiled sweetly. “You certainly may.”

Ilana grinned at the two of them as they were leaving her chamber. She had never seen her brother so happy before this Anne or whoever she was entered their lives. If she could make him so happy, why would she ever wish to oppose this relationship? The possibility that this girl could be a plain nobody deserted her mind for the first time in these three days.

She sighed and followed Buffy and her brother down the stairs.

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Liam opened the dining hall’s doors for Buffy and led her to a large oak table in the middle, which already had been loaded with different foodstuffs by a few servants. He showed her to the chair near the one at the head of the table and pulled it out for her, not letting go of her arm until she sat down, and he gently neared her to the table, taking himself the seat at the head of the table.

Buffy inspected the dishes before her. They were all evidently expensive, the finest china she had ever seen, with an exceptionally delicate flowery outline, manifestly handmade. The cutlery were silver, all burnished and shining dazzlingly. As the plates, daintily and skillfully patterned. It seemed almost perfect…only if there weren’t so many of them…

Liam couldn’t help but notice her confused stare with concern. “Is anything wrong?” he wanted to know.

“There are too many of them,” she hissed timidly, sending a glance at the silverware, “how am I gonna know which one I gotta use and when?”

At first, Liam was surprised she didn’t know, but he let it go at once. She didn’t know – no problem. He’d be more than happy to show her. “We do not have time now,” he apologized, “you will have to look at what I use and do the same. After that, I promise to teach you the function of each and every one of them. Do not worry. You will do fine,” he reassured, “you will learn it all before you notice. It only looks confusing at first impression. I also was not born with the knowledge. It is no shame not to know something. We all learn new things in some point of our lives.”

Buffy beamed thankfully. There hadn't been a single time when his smile and the tenderness in his tone hadn’t made it all better. He possessed a gift, a gift to make all of her troubles and all of her pain go away. Whether they were as minor as this, whether they were not. Just looking at him and having him there beside her made her feel better and a lot more secure.

Liam was pleased when he witnessed her tenseness fading. He had never wanted to make her feel nervous or worthless. He took a tidily folded silk napkin from the table, and smoothed it on his knees. Buffy aped his actions. That very moment, the Duchess walked into the room, followed by her two daughters.

Liam instantaneously stood up for them, and understanding it was the manner, Buffy did the same. He pulled a chair out for his mother, across from Buffy, and the Duchess greeted him and her with an edgy nod, and an icy glare in addition for Buffy. Buffy didn’t even shiver.

Laura shot curious gazes at her siblings, but receiving no response, quietly took her seat by her mother, while her elder sister sat beside Buffy.

“My son has not informed me of any guests coming over for dinner, miss,” the Duchess remarked icily.

“I did not see the need, mother,” Liam stated, “the lady, after all, is a guest of mine. I do not require your approval to entertain her in my home. She will be staying for a while as well, mother. I hope you do not mind that.” He strove to retort her with the same coldness she had used on him.

Shocked gasps escaped Laura and her mother’s lips, while Ilana simply sat in silence, praying intensely for the ground to please open and swallow her this instant.

“This is an outrage! Liam, I will not tolerate such offensiveness!”

He smirked. “I do not believe you have a say in the matter, dear mother. The lady shall stay in MY house. You can do nothing about it. You have wanted me for so long to take charge on things since father has not been well, so here I am. This is MY house, mother, and I will not have you approving or disapproving any of my guests.”

“You have no right!”

“On the contrary, I have every right. I did not ask for the responsibility along with being the man in the house, and yet you pushed me to it. Now that I finally perform my duties, you are displeased?” he inquired dryly.

Buffy was literally astounded. Now she finally understood how Angel must have felt being in the same room with her mother. But now SHE wasn’t good enough for HIM. The roles had flipped irrevocably. *See the irony in that…*

“I will not have her in the house, William!” she talked about Buffy as if she weren't even there. “I know nothing about her! I do not know her station, her family, nothing! She can be anyone for all I care, and I will not have her sleeping under my roof!”

Liam rose above the table in impatience. “I will NOT allow this tone, mother! You will not speak of her that way!”

“I shall speak of her the way I wish! She is probably nothing but a rude greedy maid who is after your money, and you are as always – too fool to see! Now I understand why you refused to take Lady Abigail Hindley as your wife, having this whore instead!”

Liam raised his hand at his mother, but at the last minute lowered it back. It was beneath him to hit his own mother and he knew it, but he would NOT, under any circumstances, tolerate her speaking like that in Anne’s presence and about her. He turned to her, and found her orbs were fixed on him as well. She'd kept her gaze on him for a short spell, and then, with all the dignity she still possessed, stood up, and murmuring “Excuse me…”, left the table. After a minute, they all heard the front door being slowly opened and closed behind her.

Liam glowered at his mother. “We are everything BUT done here, mother!” he bawled at her. “And if I EVER see you speak to her this way again, your worst fear of losing all your money will become your reality, and I would not care, because I do not need any of this!” He stomped off after Buffy.

The Duchess continued her dinner like nothing happened.

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It took him almost half an hour to track her down, but he finally located her in the gardens. He found her sitting on a bench underneath a large green tree. The shadow of its widely extended branches made her tiny frame nearly imperceptible in the gloominess of the night.

“May I sit with you?” he asked when he was standing near her.

She gazed at him. He could see clearly the remnants of tears in her deep green eyes. “It’s not my private bench,” she answered quietly.

He sat down, not averting his gaze from her. “I apologize for my mother’s behavior this evening. I should have not let her talk to you the way she did.”

“Don’t be,” she grinned sadly, “your mom’s definitely lousy in picking her words, but in the end of the day, she was right.”

He didn’t believe her. “Right? How could she be?”

“I don’t belong here. I never have. It’s the way I talk, the way I dress, the way I eat…God, it’s even the way I breathe that makes me some sort of an alien. I’m a stranger to this time. I shouldn’t be here. I don’t even know why I stayed.” *But I do know. I stayed because returning to a life without you was never an option I could live with…*

“All of these things are exactly the things I love you for.” Only after uttering the words, he grasped their meaning. “I did not mean to sound so blunt after knowing you for only a few days. Please, accept my apologies, Anne.”

She chuckled. “You see? That’s exactly what I’m saying. I can’t live here. My God, wanna know something? I loved telling you that I loved you, and I loved so much hearing you say the same to me, and even though you used to do that so frequently, every time made me feel like I was in heaven all over again. I can’t even describe how it felt! And now…now I’m suddenly not allowed to anymore, and neither are you. And now I suddenly discover you’re supposed to be married to some princess, whose type, by the way, you said you hated…”

Liam smiled at the change in her voice when she said those last words. But something bothered him in what she said. Before she could go on, he began to speak. “You never told me you loved me. I never told you it myself before now. I do not understand what you mean.”

“I did tell you,” she smiled, “and you told me. More times than I can remember. Then you walked away…” her voice died.

“Walked away?”

She sat straight; resolve to tell everything is evident on her features. “I’m not from here.”

“Yes, I know. Your accent is different.”

“No, I don’t mean it geographically. I mean…different time. I’m not from around here.”

He looked even more perplexed. “I do not understand.”

“Let’s just say that after you’ll die like…five times, after fully living your life, I won’t even be born yet.”

He still gaped at her in muddle.

“What year is this?”

“Seventeen-fifty-three,” he replied.

“Great, so I was born in nineteen-eighty-one. Do the math.”

“I cannot believe this,” he said honestly.

“Why not? I mean, come on. Look at the way I talk, at my vocabulary, the way you say I do stuff you were fed they weren’t right. I’d say it sums it up,” she sighed. “You know what my real name is?”

“Of course, Anne…”

“No. Not Anne. My name is Buffy. My middle name is Anne.”

“Buffy?” he looked slightly hurt. “Why did you not tell me?”

She laughed. “Why? Maybe cuz if I did tell you my real name, your sister and maybe even you, would think I’m some weirdo creature from outa space. Wanna show me another girl with a name like that?”

He smiled. “There is nothing out of space.”

“Trust me, there is. We were there.”

Astonishment lightened his eyes. “You were?”

“This isn’t the point.”

“I love 'Buffy',” he admitted after a brief thinking, “I think it is a beautiful name.”

She looked surprised. “You do?”

“Why would I tell you, if I did not?”

She shrugged. “To make me feel better? You’re an expert in that.”

He beamed. “Would you mind if I called you Buffy from now on?”

Her reply was a bright smile. “Can I call you Angel, then?”

He had misapprehension all over his face.

She smiled lamely. “I get it it’s not your name, it’s just that when I look at you, I can’t see myself calling you anything else.”

“Actually, in a way, it is my name.”

Buffy stared at him. “What?”

“Well, Angelus is my second name. It was given to me after my grandfather. It means…”

“The one with the angelic face.”

He gaped at her. “How did you know?”

She giggled. “I’ll find out in a point. Say…in another two hundred years or so. But at least now I know where you got the idea from.”

“You can call me Angel if you want. I would not mind. After all, you do seem to know me as a different person.”

She put her hand on his cheek gently. “You’re not a different person. You’re the same as the one from my time. It’s because you aren’t different that I want to call you Angel.”

He put his hand on hers. “Thank you.” After a short pause, Liam continued with their previous subject. “But if you…if you were born then, how are you here now? How did you come here?”

*Am I actually going to tell him I came here to kill him?* “By mistake. Someone cast a stupid spell and I winded up in the dark ages. But I’m going back, so you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

“Back?”

“Yep. Back where I DO belong,” she looked at him tenderly, *and I thought I could just leave you behind, right?* “I wish I could take you with me,” her mouth let her thought out into the open without her being able to obstruct it.

His eyes widened. “With you?”

It was never too late to take it back though. “But I never would. You don’t belong there. It’s hard for someone from there to adjust in here, imagine how it’d be for someone from here, trying to live there.”

“Has it changed a lot?”

She giggled and gazed longingly at the starred heaven. “You have no idea.” Her Halloween event suddenly sprung to mind.

There was still something he didn’t entirely understand. “But how did…well, from your words I received the impression you and I were…involved. And yet…I cannot believe I was alive for over two centuries.”

“You weren’t.”

“Then how…”

“You died. Well…died is not exactly the word.”

“When did I die?”

“You didn’t…” she took a deep breath, “let me rephrase. I guess you still remember what happened to you last night.”

Liam instinctively brought his palm to his neck. “It is rather hard to forget.”

“Yeah. Well, thing is, that Darla…that was the name of the vampire who attacked you and who I dusted, was going to Sire you.”

“Sire me?”

“Yeah. She was going to make you a vampire. You were going to play a far larger role in her life than her nightly snack.”

“You mean…in your time…I was a vampire?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s the short version.”

“Then how could we…”

“Believe me, it’s a too long story to tell. The point is, that we were.”

“But I want to know,” he insisted.

“I…alright. But I won’t tell you about all those centuries before you met me, okay?”

“Why not? Have I not…him…ever told you?”

*Because I don’t wanna hurt you.* “Because it’s a long story. A really long story. I only vaguely know about it.”

“Alright,” he gave in.

“Do you know what a Slayer is?”

“No.”

“Great,” she sighed, “okay, anyway, I was…or am…I’m not sure anymore, the Slayer. It’s a destiny thing, go figure. I was called to fight vampires and demons and other bad guys at fifteen.”

“But why? I am sure they had men to do the fighting when was necessary. Why would someone want to endanger a lady?”

“Umm…you know, the ‘men is better than women’ thing that’s regularly going on here? Well, it doesn’t really exist in my time anymore. There, they’re pretty much equals.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. One of the small changes. Well, so I got called and I fought and I slayed and yada yada yada…and then I moved to Sunnydale.”

“Sunnydale?”

“It’s a town in California.”

Buffy could see he was lost. “America?”

He still upheld the confusion.

“Don’t know much about America, ha?”

He shook his head coyly.

“Never mind. Anyway, I pretty much met you when I moved there, and since then, we kinda got together. At first you helped me out a lot, just all cryptic guy, warning me about this and that, you told me your name was Angel. You have no idea how much it truly suited you. Before I could stop it, I was already in love with you.”

“But you said I was a vampire. Why did you not kill me? I am sure you had chances. You fell in love with me instead?”

“To tell you the truth, I'd already loved you before I found out you were a vamp, and the vampire thing didn’t change my feelings.” She saw in his eyes she hadn’t answered his whole question. “You weren’t just a vampire. You had a soul, a human soul, and…I think it was your soul that I truly loved. It was the second half of mine. You know how it’s like…when you feel you can’t live your life, because something inside you is missing?”

Liam returned her a loving gaze, accompanied with a candid smile. Yes, he knew.

“It didn’t matter to me you were a demon, your soul made you the most human person I have ever met. You were kind, sweet, gentle, understanding, and loving. You made me feel I was the only thing in the world for you. You were my shield, my lifeline…and I was yours. We proved more than once there was nothing we wouldn’t do for each other, that we would sacrifice everything and always.”

She smiled, her gaze hadn't been at him for a while now, it'd been absent, in a faraway place Liam could guess to be her memories. *I wish I could step into his shoes…*

“When I graduated high school, you left. You walked away from me, saying you loved me too much to ruin my entire life and future and make me spend them with a vampire, who could never give me all these things a normal girl would want. A husband, children…and the sunlight. You wanted me to have a normal life. I was only eighteen then, and you left, by that denying me the only thing I had,” she sighed. “People say this kind of love isn’t real. They say it only belongs in dreams and fables. Once I used to listen to them and think they were stupid, because as I was listening to their so called words of wisdom, my heart was with my love, in whose arms I was going to be in only few short moments, once again playing the role of a living proof to that this love did exist. But then I started to understand them. I understood, only after he'd left, that coming up with that this love couldn’t exist, was only their way to deal with the pain after it was gone. And I felt I knew better than anyone that this kind of pain was too much to bear.”

Buffy stopped talking, her gaze’s still away from Liam’s, but he could sense she didn’t want to tell anymore. She didn’t want to stir all that pain, and he, of course, didn’t want her to. Liam longed to wrap her in his arms, to make her feel safe, and protected, and loved, like his future self must have done so many times before. But would she want him to? It was a question only one person could answer, and this person was now staring longingly at the sky, plunged with memories of her love, tears threatening to roll down her soft cheeks any minute.

“This vampire,” he started faintly, carefully, “the one who bit you. Was it he?”

She nodded, but still didn’t turn to look at him. “It was.”

Liam vacillated at first, not entirely sure whether she would want him to perform his next move, but he felt he had to. He had no idea what a simple touch could initiate between them, but he felt an inner urge he couldn’t explain. An urge to be close to her, and not only mentally, as he had been until now, but close physically. The fact that his mother would faint if she knew of his current thoughts instigated an inner smile. He glanced at her lips. He wanted so much to kiss those lips. He was already able to feel the taste of her kiss, the taste of her…it whirled him…and all he made up his mind to do was to hesitantly place his palm on top of hers on her knee.

Buffy finally turned to look at him. She smiled bitterly at this small gesture. “Could you,” she pursed her lips, as if regretting she had ever even wanted to say it. How could she know how he’d react? But she suddenly didn’t care anymore. She just wanted…”could you hold me?” *It’s a kinda stupid thing to ask, wouldn’t you say?* she criticized herself.

He gazed at her. He wanted to. He wanted so much to hold her, but he wasn’t sure if she wanted him to. And now she had just said…

Naturally, Buffy misinterpreted his diffidence and rose to her feet. “I’d better go,” *And I hope I can still remember that stupid spell…* She wrapped her arms around herself and started slowly walking away. Liam stared after her. It seemed his love for her increased with every passing second. Every time he looked at her…he seemed to be wanting her, wanting her whole, wanting her all the time. He wanted her body just as much as he wanted her soul to belong to him. How could he know they already were his? He watched her every gesture as she was pacing between the rows of trees. He discerned how she strengthened her embrace around herself, he also descried the way she brought her hand up to her face a couple of times, and he knew what she was doing. His heart cried out for her, his heart couldn’t live without her. For that alone he couldn’t let her go away. Before he finished his contemplations, he was at her heel, laying his hand gently on her shoulder. She rotated. Liam felt like he wanted to kill himself for making her cry. They stared at one another for seconds that lasted forever before he pulled her into his arms. Buffy snuggled deeply into his embrace, enclosing her arms around him, finally allowing her tears run freely.

For the first time in his twenty six years, he felt whole, he felt complete. Most importantly, he felt his soul was finally intact. He soothingly began stroking her silky hair, as she nestled closer to his broad protective chest. Her shield. “I love you,” she whispered.

His heart almost melted at these three words. He gently kissed her hair and tightened his hug. “I love you too.”

Part Nine

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He had been watching her for nearly an hour until she finally opened her eyes. Angel had known all along she had been naked under the bedcovers, and knowing it made being in the same room but staying away even more unbearable.

Buffy didn’t say anything when she saw him. She was as surprised as he was to find her in his room yesterday’s morning after waking up, which meant not surprised at all. She smiled at him, and sat up, pulling the sheet up against her chest. Still, a part of it dropped and somewhat exposed her breast to Angel. His yearning only intensified to the sight of it.

Buffy motioned for him to come and sit with her, and he swallowed hard, hastily reckoning why he should or should not do it.

Her gaze didn’t miss his hesitance, and guessing that one of its causes was probably her nudity, she wrapped herself in her blanket. “Am I safe now?” she joked, seeing him approaching the bed and sitting beside her. “You know, this whole thing is getting kinda old,” she remarked teasingly, perceiving he’d been doing everything but meeting her gaze, “I mean, first it’s me in the chair and you’re in the bed, then it goes vice versa. Can we please agree on one place? And you know, since the chair would be too small for the both of us together…” she hinted, surveying the king-sized bed they were sitting on.

Angel looked up at her. He felt he would explode if he kept distance from her for much longer. “I like watching you sleeping,” he said sincerely.

“Well…wouldn’t you rather to be sleeping WITH me?” She also couldn’t stand having him so close to her, and yet so out of reach. She wanted him. She wanted him to make her dreams come true. She had had to cling for so long to these dreams, having nothing else instead. She didn’t want to be living in the dreams anymore. She wanted the real thing. And the real thing was so close!

He flushed a little at her blunt invitation. But she wasn’t done yet. “If your mother is what you’re worried about, don’t be. I doubt her reaction to you sleeping with me would be any different from the one she’d have to you being here right now. A heart attack is a heart attack. And what you’re doing right now is a big no-no according to your standards.”

Angel beamed. He adored her manner of simplifying everything. He mainly adored it because it worked. She desired him, she wanted him, beautiful and sensual woman such as herself, and she had made it clear to him more than once. It’s not that he wasn’t feeling good about himself. He had never suffered from self-esteem issues, but the numerous feelings that were now racing in his heart, were entirely new to him. Angel had never felt something like that towards a woman. Love wasn’t the only new emotion he had had to face ever since he had met her; there was also the desire. The incessant desire he was less and less able to oppose, and now she was so open, so inviting. Angel felt an implosive need to chain himself to the opposite wall, because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to restrain his emotions for much longer.

Buffy reached out her finger, and tenderly trailed it down his cheek, to his neck, and under his shirt, unbuttoning it in the process. He closed his eyes and briefly trembled to her touch, rapidly losing the strength to tell her to stop. He didn’t want her to stop. Never. She bent forward, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. It was the first time ever she had kissed him. Angel felt another similar kiss caressing his lips before opening his eyes. Her face was inches from his. “I have not done this before,” he whispered against her lips, slowly closing the gap between them. As a reply, she kissed him again, but this time, the kiss was reciprocal. Their tongues entwined together, exploring each other’s mouth.

After a few seconds, Buffy gradually pulled her tongue out of his mouth, leaking a trail down his neck, then his chest, until she stopped at his navel, in the meanwhile, lowering him against the sheets, and finishing undressing his shirt.

Angel flung the blankets off of her, and encircled her tiny waist in his strong arms, pulling her down against him. He slid his palms up her smooth back, and down again, completely dropping the covers off of her and continuing to slither his hands over her ass, her thighs, and her legs, relishing her flawless skin.

Buffy put her hands on both his shoulders, smoothly and slowly running them down his muscular chest to his waist, where she took hold on his pants. He instantly curved up, allowing her to remove them, and a second later they were history.

Her hands reached back to his waist, her fingers traveling leisurely on his skin to meet in the middle, and from there down between his hips, caressing the area around his erection. He moaned softly, and leaned back, his head slightly falling over the edge of the bed and his arms loosening around her for an instant.

Buffy reached his knees, and interweaved her hands beneath each knee, spreading his legs with a sharp motion. She glided her body up against his, her hands framing his thighs the whole time, maintaining them open wide, as she was relishing the cool feel of his hard leaving a wet tail all the way from her collarbone to her bikini line. He kept his hands on her ass, clasping it and gently pushing her up.

When their lips met again, the kiss was far more fervent than the previous one. While their tongues caressed the insides of each mouth, Angel shifted her legs so that they now bestrode his pelvis, and his hands roamed off of her buttocks to her genitals.

Meanwhile, her hands left his thighs and wandered upwards to his rigid shaft. Their lips parted, and a contented sigh escaped his lips, his eyes still shut, when she grabbed at it firmly at the base, and without loosening her grip, hauled her palms upwards to its edge.

Angel grasped her by the hips and placed her exactly above his erection, the same second her hands guided it straight into her.

He entered her smoothly. Slowly at first, pressing her so close to him that in some point, their bodies seemed to be one.

She left his prick the moment it was in her and meandered to his nipples, her fingers practically puncturing into his flesh, and then she slackened them, pressing her palms onto his chest, fixing him to the bed and springing up in her orgasm the moment he entered all the way in. her modification caused him to withdraw halfway.

His palms were now tightly clutching her breasts, manipulating their swell, his thumbs occasionally caressing the stiff nipples.

Buffy fell back on top of him, her breasts landing on his mouth, letting his tongue hungrily stroke allover them. He immediately entered her again all the way, initiating a low moan from her, once he filled her inside, spilling into her.

Angel withdrew again partially and entered right back. It was repeated a number of times, to a somewhat slow and tranquil rhythm of their own. But then he suddenly pushed hard inside her, making both of them groan contently.

Their rhythm began increasing according to his pace, and now he was thrusting to the end and much more intensely, rocking her against him, his hands impelling her ass, while hers were still forcing him down, his nipples rigid underneath her palms, until they started sending tingles throughout her body. Their tempo redoubled growingly, until he entered her with full force one last time, spilling into her again, and then withdrew entirely.

Buffy’s hands immediately surrounded his hard, and she moved down to seize its brink within her mouth, slowly sucking at it. His head tilted backward in drunkenness, eyes never opened, his hips straddling her head, as she sipped on and on.

Finally, he finished into her mouth and she removed her lips, reposing her head a little above his still hard penis, and closing her eyes, her arms still around his waist.

Angel opened his eyes only for a moment, just to see the crown of her blonde head peering from between his legs, her hair slightly caressing the edge of his hard, one of his legs thrown across her shoulder.

They were both breathing heavily, both bodies only starting to relax, light sheen of perspiration covering their naked forms.

In the absolute silence of the room, nothing was heard but their breathing and two speeding heartbeats.

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Several hours later, Buffy woke up. She was snuggled on Angel’s chest, his arms around her, their limbs intertwined together. They both were completely nude.

As he saw her waking up, he gently kissed her brow.

“Hey,” she murmured, her leg rubbing leisurely across his bare groin. He moaned with satisfaction.

“So,” Angel tenderly stroked the spinal line on her back, “do I improve with age?”

Buffy laughed. “I doubt you could,” she climbed up to kiss him, “and I meant it only in the best way,” she whispered before their lips met.

Angel kissed back fervently, heaving her body all the way on top of his. Before the kiss stopped, Angel entered her again. Buffy broke apart from his lips, ascending a bit to allow him full access, and then dropped back into his clasp. He pressed her to him as they were shoving against each other to a slow joint cadence. Buffy was eagerly kissing Angel’s neck, when an abrupt cry made them both stop.

“Oh my God!”

Part Ten

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They instantly parted and sat up.

After a moment of first shock, Angel’s mind worked fast. He immediately pressed Buffy against him, and pulled a sheet around them both.

Ilana was still standing in the door, her eyes wide open; her hand was still covering her mouth.

“Aren’t you guys supposed to be knocking, anyway?” Buffy asked, her voice muted by Angel’s chest, since she was still clinging to him, too embarrassed to even look in Ilana’s direction.

Not her lover though. He didn’t have much choice in facing his younger sister. Her eyes glared at him, with both shock and anger.

“Ilana,” was all he could manage.

After a few more minutes, her countenance pacified a little, but was still red. “I shall…I shall come back when you are dressed.” She ran out of the room.

After the door had been closed, Buffy and Angel burst into laughter.

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“You may enter now, Ilana,” Angel permitted.

His sister did so and closed the door. “I am sorry,” she apologized to the both of them, now fully dressed, “I should have knocked, I…I did not think someone would be here.”

“It’s okay,” Buffy assured.

“No, no…I am really really sorry, Anne.”

“Call her Buffy,” Angel asked his sister.

“Buffy?”

“Buffy is her name, not Anne, so I ask you to call her Buffy.”

Buffy smiled approvingly and clasped his hand.

“Alright. Buffy, both of you…I did not mean to invade your privacy…” she looked down, Buffy and Angel waiting for her to go on, seeing she hadn’t finished what she'd had to say. “When will you marry?” she finally asked.

“Marry?” Buffy queried Angel in confusion.

He was more let down by her reaction than he would show. From the first moment he lay eyes on her, he had been picturing how their wedding would be like. *What a fool I was. What made me think she wanted the same?* he avoided her gaze and turned to Ilana. “We will marry only if the lady wants.” But then he remembered the way Buffy took Ilana’s question. “There will be no wedding.”

Ilana didn’t understand. According to the laws she had been brought by, if two people were so…intimate with each other like her brother and this girl, they were already supposed to be married beforehand. And her brother said they never would? Ilana wasn’t stupid. She knew exactly what they had been doing when she had walked in on them. What if a child was created today? What would her brother do then?! She couldn’t believe his frivolity. It was an extremely serious matter he had gotten himself into here. “Liam, you cannot be serious. This must not be undertaken lightly. Can you even imagine what will everyone say about you? About us, if it leaks out? For Heaven’s sake, you were born and raised a Catholic fine man, you cannot turn your back on everything you were taught was right!”

Angel couldn’t answer that. He glanced at Buffy, but then quickly turned away again. He knew what was right, but he would never impose his believes on her. He wouldn’t make her do things she didn’t want, and clearly a wedding was one of those things. She didn’t want a wedding. Or at least, she didn’t want a wedding with him. He couldn’t possibly imagine the kind of relationship she and his vampire-self had had. But by the look on her face once Ilana asked the question, he understood that a wedding had never even been raised between them. He had known her for such a short while, and yet, loved her too much to enforce her into marriage. He had thought she had also loved him, but he had obviously been wrong assuming so. Then again, maybe it’s not the custom to necessary marry in wherever she had come from. Maybe people could just be together, without this sort of commitment, and without everyone else disowning them for that. If she was raised according to that, who would he be to change her?

“As I said,” he answered Ilana ruefully, standing on his own even when it was against what he believed and wanted, “there will be no wedding."

Ilana opened her mouth to say something, but before she could do it, Angel spoke again. “Was there something you wanted, Ilana?”

She understood it meant he didn’t want to talk anymore about whatever relationship he had with Buffy. Well, she would just have to talk to him later when they’re alone. Maybe then he’d listen to her and be reasonable. *Since when it even is the woman’s decision whether or not there will be a wedding?* “Yes. Father has asked to see you. I have a feeling mother has told him all about An…Buffy. I do not think he would be pleased, Liam, but you can never know. It depends on how what mother has told has influenced him.”

Angel nodded. “Alright. I shall go see him. You can go now, Ilana.” His voice still held a slight sadness within. He let go of Buffy’s hand and went to open the door for his sister.

“Everyone, stay!” Buffy commanded. They both stopped. “Very good,” she said more calmly, “I think there was a misunderstanding here, wouldn’t you say?”

Both her lover and his sister gazed at her with questioning eyes.

“The wedding,” she clarified.

Angel averted his gaze. “We do not have to dwell in it again. We all said all we had to say about it.”

“Excuse me?” she put her hands on her hips. “Is it just me or I really did say nothing?”

“But I thought…” Angel started.

“You thought?! You know what? Don’t give me the ‘I though’ speech, because you tend to think too much, and eventually I get nothing to say about how my own life will turn out!” Only after she had said it, she realized she’d just snapped at the wrong Angel. “I’m sorry…” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears brought by her most painful memories.

Forgetting his melancholy from before, Angel wrapped his arms around her, kissing her hair and gently rubbing her back, signifying with his hand for Ilana to leave.

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“You thought I didn’t want to?” she asked him after they had been left alone. “You thought I didn’t want to marry you?”

His answer was a silence that she took as a ‘yes’.

She embraced him tightly, taking him by surprise. “Do you know how many times I dreamt about it?” she inquired. “How many times I fantasized about being your wife? I can’t believe you thought I didn’t want to. What made you think that?”

He happily realized he had misjudged her reaction. It was a first moment’s surprise, nothing more. “So you…you would? You do?”

She smiled, and standing up, pulled him after her. “Let’s go see what your dad has to say about it, okay?”

He jumped off the bed and followed her out of the room. Angel didn’t need her to verbalize her answer, and he had never been as happy in his life.

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Angel opened the door into a great bedroom, a little fancier than his own, stepped back to let Buffy in, and closed the door behind her. Buffy immediately spotted an old man lying on the large bed. Though his face was very wrinkled, and thin, and pale, she could see the clear resemblance between his features and the ones of her love. She didn’t need a second guess to know it was his father.

“Angel, I think he’s asleep,” she whispered, “maybe we should come back later?”

But Angel only smiled and took her hand, leading her to a chair by the bed. He pulled it out for her and remained standing by it. “I am here, father,” he said to the old man.

He slowly opened his eyes and inspected his two visitors.

“So, this is the young lass who has been causing all these trouble,” he smiled feebly at Buffy, and she smiled in return. “Your mother is losing her sanity right about now, lad,” he playfully rebuked his son, then turned back to Buffy. “Well, young lady, you are the first girl my son brings home, and by the look on his face, I say also the last.”

Angel put his hand on Buffy’s shoulder and she took it in her own.

“You two make a lovely couple,” his father continued, “I have always claimed love was important once two people intent to marry. My wife disagrees, and God only knows I have not done well in that department. But it is important, you must never forget that. People keep tending to forget how indeed important it is. But at least I can rest in peace, knowing my son has done better. You two have only eyes for each other. This is how it should be, children, this is how it should be…” his voice faded and his eyes closed, as if he were drowsing off, but then he came back. “They say…a good marriage is based on wealth, and hence on respect. They are all fools. You can assemble a fortune over the years, and you can never respect someone you’ve grown to hate. And this is what happens, when people are forced to marry – they eventually hate each other.” He smiled again, but his eyes remained closed. “But you do not worry about that. No, what you have…is special, I can see it now. It will last, what you two have. You have made a wise choice, my boy. I could not be more proud of my son. Do not let your mother interfere in your life and future, do not allow her to tell you what is right. It is up to you alone to know that, and you have done well. Very well.“ He laughed hoarsely. “She has already vowed to force you into marrying that Lord Hindley’s daughter. Abigail, I believe her name is. I kept telling her, let the boy decide, but no. She is stubborn, your mother. She says, you will not get rid of this young perky girl of his, and I shall marry him myself. But you do not mind her, she will come around, she does not have a choice. You just tell her she has no say on the matter, tell her I approved. She will keep quiet, she will, I tell you.” He opened his eyes a little just to peer at the two and closed them again. “Give the lady the ring, son. Her finger cries for it. I give you two children my blessing. May the Lord bless you with many years of joined happiness.”

Angel smiled, and kissed Buffy’s hand. “Thank you, father.”

Buffy rotated to her love, and met his sparkling eyes gazing at her. She beamed. Then they both turned back to the man in the bed. Buffy shuddered. She recognized that look, she had seen it so many times in her years as the Slayer, and she could never learn to take it nonchalantly. *Oh my God…* she thought. She revolved back to Angel. His face was impassive. Or at least, it looked that way, but it was his eyes she was staring at, and they were everything BUT impassive. The Slayer rose from her chair to take his trembling body into her arms.

“No!” he whispered, clinging her to him, as if out of fear to lose her too.

“Shh…” she tried to console him, but it was in vain, “I’m here, my love. I’m not leaving. It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay…” She felt moisture on her neck, where his cheek touched, and lovingly brushed his back. “It’ll be okay…” she kept whispering

Part Eleven

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It’d been two days since his father had died.

Angel had barely said a word to Buffy all that time. She had barely seen him at all. It seemed like he had been intentionally trying to avoid her company, or anyone else’s.

Right after he had passed away, she took Angel out of his father’s room into her own, and he cried in her arms forever. She hadn’t known a way to make it better. For the first time ever, she really felt helpless. He was in pain, and there was nothing she could do, nothing she would ever be able to do. A dreadful feeling crept to her mind when she held him as he was crying. She had no idea Angel had been so attached to his father. He died only two days after Angel had been supposed to be turned. And Angel had told her once that the first thing he had done after becoming a vampire was to kill his entire family. That meant Angelus had killed his father. She wasn’t even able to ruminate about the twinge Angel had been going through since his soul had been returned to him, knowing that he had killed his father, seeing the twinge he’d been going through due to his ‘natural’ death. And he had never told her. She hadn’t known he ached so much. Inside, a selfish part of her was mad at him that he hadn’t told her. Buffy could hear his sisters weeping outside in the halls, or in their rooms, she wasn't sure. It was as if hearing them made his own pain only increase. All she could do was to sit on the bed with him, and tightly hold him, let him cling to her and cry. It was all she could do. And it made her feel so horrible and so worthless. She felt her own tears starting, even though she hadn’t even known the man, but seeing how dear he had been to the man she loved, made her cry too.

In some point, Ilana had slowly opened the door to Buffy’s room. The girl’s eyes were red from crying. She had only come to inform them both, but mainly Angel, that their father’s body was now being taken to the family graveyard, to be prepared for tomorrow’s burial. Angel didn't once turn around to look at her, nor leave Buffy's embrace. Ilana saw how closely Buffy held her brother, caressing his back, and inside wished for someone to be there for her like that. For the first time, she fully realized how lucky her brother was, having this girl in his life. She on the other hand, was alone in her own grief. She had no one to share it with, and no one to hold her. Her younger sister had locked herself in her room, and she wasn’t even thinking about going to her mother for comfort. *But Liam is lucky,* she thought. She smiled slightly at Buffy. “It is good he has you,” she said, and left them.

Buffy lovingly kissed Angel’s head. She only wished there was something she could do.

As night came on, she didn’t want to leave him alone, but he had insisted that she did. As soon as he had closed his door, leaving her outside, she heard the key turning in the keyhole. *I wish he would let me in,* she thought, and she didn’t only mean it physically.

She wasn’t able to fall asleep that night anyway. The wall between their rooms was too thin.

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The next morning was the interment. Everyone was dressed in black and standing crowded around the casket. Their sight reminded Buffy of a horde of ravens crowding their prey. She quivered. There was ashiness and sadness everywhere in the air. The sobbing of some women broke the deathly stillness every now and then. There were many people. Men, women, children. Friends, family… It looked like many people were grieving over Angel’s father’s death, many people would miss him. He must have been a very loved man. Buffy felt awful for that, but she seemed to mostly care only for one of them.

Angel was keeping his distance from her at the beginning of the memorial service. He wasn’t looking at her, though her eyes had never left him. His mother stood by his side. She didn’t seem to have shed a single tear through the whole time. Ilana stood by his other side, Laura stood by her mother. Occasionally, the Duchess shot Buffy a hateful frown, which Buffy decided to ignore, taking into account the latest occurrence. She also knew the Duchess wouldn’t start anything on her husband’s funeral anyway. Even she wasn’t capable of that.

When the vicar finished reading something in a strange language over the departed’s coffin, he turned to Angel, and asked him to say the last prayer, what was doubtless the task of the eldest son. Angel didn’t budge to obey the priest. Everybody halted his or her breaths in expectation for what he might do, but he did nothing. Even those who were lamenting before seemed to have hushed. He would never dare to break the tradition like that in front of everybody. Buffy started to REALLY hate their stupid traditions that were TOO oblivious to people’s feelings. Her gaze was also locked on Angel. Finally, his eyes turned to her for help. There was clear woe in them, saying he couldn’t do it. She seemed to be the only one to be noticing it.

Ignoring everyone’s unapproving gasps and glares, she moved through the crowd of people, and hugged him. He hugged her back, inwardly thanking God she was there. With one arm still around him, she slowly led him away. They were going to have to find a way to go on without him. Buffy knew what she was doing was wrong for these people, but as far as she concerned, it couldn’t have been more right. She had been raised knowing that the emotions was what counted and not the tradition, and she wasn’t going to behave otherwise, definitely not when someone she loved were involved.

She thought, perhaps now he would finally talk to her, but she was once again let down. He again locked himself in his room.

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Buffy hadn’t seen him until the next day, when the family’s lawyer came to discuss the testament. Everyone in the house was called into the drawing room, including her. Although that after yesterday’s episode, she hadn’t expected to be, but had later found out it had been a request from the late Duke himself to include her. There were the Duchess, Laura, Ilana, a few members of the closest family she remembered from the funeral, she, the lawyer, and all the servants, who enacted as witnesses. They were all sitting patiently and waiting for the present Duke to finally put in an appearance.

He finally did. Buffy shuddered at the sight of him. His face was weary and pale; his eyes were full of pain. And despite all that, he still made an impressive outer shell. He took a chair and joined the rest, not saying a word to anyone, also not to Buffy.

The lawyer nodded, and began reading the will. Apparently, the late Duke, knowing his wife, had left her a large amount of money, and a paper signed by him that it was not to be touched by anyone but her, only if she agreed to leave his son’s life, because it was clearly written in the will that he would NOT have to provide for his mother. The money was enough for her to live the rest of her life in her current wealth, without bothering her son and therefore letting him live his own life. That was when Buffy came into the picture. He had also left money for his two daughters that would naturally go to their husbands as a dowry once they were to marry. He had left Laura and Ilana under Angel’s custody, who, of course, had inherited the title, the estates, and everything else.

While everyone else was tuned in to the reading of the will, Angel didn’t seem to care at all about what was written there. He was sitting in his chair, ignoring everyone and everything in the room, staring into space.

When the widow heard her son was not to provide for her, she got extremely dismayed, surprising everyone in the room with her selfish and fuming behavior. Only then, Angel hooked back into the real world. He glowered at his mother, a glower more of pain than of an actual anger, and left the room as quietly as he came.

Buffy walked after him, but again found his door locked from the inside. She didn’t feel she would be really missed back downstairs, so she decided to stay in her own room.

The widow’s resentment was gone when she heard the sum in discussion.

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Around 7pm, Ilana knocked on her door.

“Open,” Buffy said, and the woman walked in.

“I wanted to inform you of supper, Buffy. If you are hungry, it will be served in half an hour.”

She turned to go but then Buffy spoke to her. “He hasn’t come out, has he, Ilana?”

Ilana stiffened. “No,” she whispered.

“Thank you. I don’t think I’m hungry though.” Buffy lay back on her bed. She felt she was losing him, and she couldn’t bear the thought.

Angel’s sister nodded to herself in understanding and left.

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That night, Buffy heard her door open quietly around midnight. Since after all, she was the Slayer and wasn’t yet used to going to bed that early, it woke her up. But she chose to pretend she was still sleeping, albeit knowing exactly who it was.

Angel stepped in inaudibly, obviously believing she was slumbering, and not wanting to awake her, and carefully lay on her bed.

After a while, when she was confident he was already sound asleep, Buffy rotated to him. He was drowsing silently, looking almost calm. She saw the swollenness and the fresh traces of tears around his eyes even in the dark. Her hand gently reached to his cheek and stroked it, followed by a tender kiss on his lips. He was wearing only slacks and was obviously freezing. Buffy pulled the covers around him also and hugged him to her. He went on sleeping, burrowing in his lover’s arms.

Part Twelve

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Angel rolled on his side, and out of sleep, groped with his hand for the woman in whose arms he’d spent the night. All he found was a cold and empty side of the bed. He opened his eyes at once. “Buffy…” he whispered, but she was nowhere to be seen. The room was dark and inane; the clock showed it was soon to be daybreak. *Where is she?*

Angel lay his head back on the pillows, staring at the ceiling, though not seeing much in the dark. It was a moonless night, on top of all. He suddenly felt alone, and what amazed him the most about that feeling was that it wasn’t caused by his father’s death. It was caused by Buffy’s absence, and that DIDN’T amaze him, at all. He realized something that moment, he realized what he was so scared of and what had made him to distance himself from her, when she had tried to offer him all she had and more to help. He recognized he was terrified of losing her. After losing his father, she seemed to be the only real thing he had left, and he couldn’t do without her. He had been pushing her away all that time, while all he had wanted was she to never leave him. Angel had never regretted about anything before like he did about that. He needed her. He needed her love, understanding, and compassion, now more than ever, and all he had done was to make her feel the exact opposite. He had made her feel unwanted and unneeded, and he hated himself for that. She had only tried to help, and he knew it. He also knew she had succeeded in doing so. He had felt better when she had been around. He had felt better, when she had been there to hold him when he'd cried and to lie that it’d be okay even if deep inside he'd known it wouldn’t be. Angel knew it had been wrong for him to expose his feelings as a man. He hadn’t been taught to cry or to show emotions. It was wrong. It was improper. He was supposed to set an example, to be the strong one, even when inside he maybe felt like dying. But she had been there for him. She had spread a comforting feel of safety all around her. She had let him see he was welcomed and wanted. That it was okay to cry, to feel sadness, and no one would ever think badly of him. He needed her soothing warmth, her caressing voice and gentle touch, he needed everything he'd pushed away, everything he knew she would always give him regardless. He closed his eyes, returning to sleep alone. *Where is she now?*

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Buffy quietly opened the door to her room and closed it behind her. The first thing she did was to take off her dress, and slip under the warm blankets. She had come to a single conclusion after her few days of living in Ireland – it’s freezing there. A small part of her even missed the Californian sun. She’d have to stop her nightly patrols very soon and completely leave behind her Slayer’s lifestyle. She was an eighteenth century woman now, she wasn’t supposed to sneak around slaying vampires in the middle of the nigh…but she did. It was, after all, her life. Or…at least, HAD BEEN her life. Yes, she would definitely have to put an end to that. *And besides, it’s not like I can actually contribute until they would invent the sweatpants…* she pondered jokingly, though trying to slay a vampire in one of THOSE dresses was the real joke.

Buffy gazed at the sleeping Angel beside her and smiled. She was so glad he had come to her after all. It meant she had succeeded in reaching him. It meant he’d finally open up to her. She considered it her greatest accomplishment ever. She covered her love, kissing him briefly on the corner of his mouth, and lay her head on his chest, drowsing back into sleep.

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When Angel woke up in the morning, he found Buffy sleeping on his chest. He felt a sheer relief finding her like this. He enfolded her tiny body in his arms, and gently removed flowing tresses from her face and tucked them behind her ear, stroking her head lovingly.

Buffy woke to his touch and raised her head to gaze at him. “Morning,” she greeted him.

“Good morning, love,” he smiled.

Buffy sat up, pulling a sheet around herself, looking him straight in the eye. “Are you okay?” she inquired worriedly, although there was more participation sounding in her tone than there was concern.

“Thank you,” he said gratefully.

“Thank me? What’d I do?”

“Thank you for being there when I needed you, and thank you for being so patient with me. I know I have not been an easy task for you these last few days.”

She grinned sensitively. “I only wish you would have told me, that you would have talked to me,” she paused for a moment. “I…I know it’s out of place to bring it up now, but even the…future you or…whatever, he…I had no idea he was so close to his father.” *Maybe if I had, I could have somehow helped easing the pain and the guilt for murdering him…*

Angel took her hand and clasped it amorously. “I doubt my future self witnessed his father die. He was already a vampire when it happened. He had probably left as soon as he was turned, having no will or reason to stay amid the family. He probably did not even know how or...when it happened.”

“Ye…yeah,” Buffy agreed wryly, certainly not going to ever inform him of the truth. Considering his nature, she knew he would abhor himself even though he’d done nothing. “That was probably it,” she faced him again, “but what about you? When will you finally let me in? You know, you are wrong big time, thinking that keeping it inside is better. It will be better though, if you talk to someone, and I want this someone to be me.”

Angel hastened to change the subject. “You were gone tonight.”

For the meantime, she decided to play along. “Slaying. I killed two vamps.” There wasn’t much of an excitement in her voice. Vamps WASN’T what she wanted to talk about now.

“Slaying…” he frowned, as in trying to recall something, “yes. I remember. You told me you used to do it.” He peered at her seriously. “Would you not be offended if I told you it was too dangerous?” he carefully examined her reaction. “I do not wish to have you endangering yourself like that nightly. I do not question your abilities to protect yourself, or your strength, after all, I have witnessed you using them both, but...”

Buffy smiled and brushed his cheek tenderly. “You have always been concerned for me, and tried to always protect me, you know that? Even when you knew I didn’t need to be protected from anything. I take it as one more proof that time hasn’t changed you one bit in over two hundred years. And I hope it never will,” she smiled.

He smiled back. “Do it if you want to. You know I will not be in your way, only please promise you will be careful.”

“Alright. I’ll be more careful, don’t worry. I’m thinking about ending it, anyway. Or at least, cutting down in the slaying hours. So, you have nothing to be worried about. But now, back to our original topic, please.”

“I am sorry I was so much of a burden lately. I should have been more self-restrained.”

“No!” Buffy protested. “No, you shouldn’t have. No way, Angel. This is my job. This is how it works in a relationship, pal, you get the bad things along with the good ones, it’s a package deal. You can’t have it halfway, you gotta take them both, otherwise, don’t even bother to pursue a relationship, cuz it won’t last, not if you bail out on the first sight of trouble. Do you think if I acted, so called…rationally and wanted the fairytale every sixteen-year-old wanted, we would be having this conversation right now? I would dust you the second I first saw you and went on with my life, finding me some lousy excuse for a teenager as an alternative. But I have accepted you as you were instead, and there is nothing concerning that I’m sorry about. You are the best thing to ever happen to me in my whole life.” Buffy reached her hand up to his face, then enfolded her arms around his neck, clinging to him, and pressing a swiftly deepening kiss to his awaiting lips.

He hugged her to him, and kissed her back. “And you are in mine, my love,” he whispered to her after the kiss had ended and she reposed her head on his shoulder, remaining in his arms.

“Angel, I want to be there for you. And despite what your mother would unquestionably say, it’s alright to show emotions, even if you’re a guy. Well…that is, unless you suffer from some hysterical male-ego issues, which are by the way very common in my time too,” she smiled at him, “but you’re not like that, Angel. I love you, precisely because you’re not like that. You’re not a burden, never think that. You were being human. When a person loses someone he loves, this is how he normally reacts. And believe me, nothing can make me happier than being able to help you through it. I know I would want you to do the same for me.”

“I will, my love,” he beamed and kissed her hand, hugging her again, “always.”

Buffy pulled off again after a while and seated herself in his embrace, her back against his chest. “Next time, when you will need someone, promise you’ll come to me. Promise me we’ll never keep anything away from each other.” She whirled her head so she could see his face.

“I promise,” he kissed her lips, “but now, I have something else for you, my fair lady. My duty is to carry out my father's last wish, after all.” He gently pushed her off of him and stood up.

“Where are you going?” she asked him, surprised.

“It is in my chamber. I will be right back.”

She only smiled in return, can’t rid herself of the feeling this morning would be a major step in her young life. She had no idea how major…

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“Well?” she anxiously asked once he returned into the room. “What is it? Why did it take you so long, I was practically dying here.” She hushed. “Hey, don’t tell me you’re back to the cryptic guy mode again.”

Buffy stopped at the mien on Angel’s face. He was nervous. Actually, nervous was an understatement. She had NEVER seen him like that. He wasn’t able to look her in the eyes; he was trying his best to focus on the carpet beneath his feet. Buffy even found it somewhat amusing. Angel, with his broad and muscular frame, looking almost like a lost little baby. She descried he had something clasped in his hand. She couldn’t see the full object to deduce what it was, but she guessed something along the lines of a small black velvet pouch. Now she remembered! Yes, she had seen him like that before. Well, maybe not entirely like that, but…he had been almost just as nervous when he had given her the Claddagh ring on the docks on the night of her seventeenth birthday. She couldn’t understand what would make him act that way again…unless…no, he couldn’t have…maybe? *I wish…* Buffy thought, her hopes growing. “Honey?” she tried to draw his attention.

He jolted up his head and looked at her. She was sitting on the bed, presently clad in a silky white negligee, all shining, beautiful…and so so nervous. Well, definitely not more nervous than himself. He couldn’t believe he was going to go through with it. He had never thought he’d do it. Before she stormed into his vacant world, he had thought he’d never have to face a moment like this. He'd just seen no reason to. Not now, not in the future. But then she'd come…and everything he'd known turned upside down. She was like a breath of fresh air into the dank and the murky room that he had grown knowing as his life. When she had come, that was when his life had truly begun, that was when it suddenly became worth living. The step he was about to make would assure it would stay this way forever, and this was what he wanted. Forever. With her.

“Angel?” Buffy asked again, seeing he stopped looking at the floor, but was still trapped in his thoughts.

He finally broke away from them. Angel approached her slowly, and went down on one knee.

*Oh, my God! I was right!* she jubilated inwardly. Even though she had seen it coming, she was still surprised.

He finally gathered the courage to gaze upwards into her green eyes. “Buffy,” he started diffidently, “I...I…forgive me if it comes out wrong or…I do not know how it must be done right. I wish for it to be perfect…”

“Angel,” she stopped his babbling with a reassuring palm on his shoulder.

“Right. I…I want to…I wish you…would you marry me?” he examined her smiling face, but received no reply. Angel reached into the pouch and retrieved two silver Claddagh rings out of it. One was a man’s ring, and the other one, a little smaller, was obviously a woman’s ring. He hesitantly took Buffy’s right hand and held it in his own; the smaller ring in his other hand, ready to be put on her engagement ring finger. He looked up at her again, seeking for the ‘yes’ in her orbs.

Buffy beamed. Waiting for him to do the final deed. When he didn’t, she giggled. “You can put the ring on now, Angel. It’s a ‘yes’.”

The joy in his eyes the moment she uttered these words was indescribable, it was priceless. With a shaky hand he slid the ring on her finger and handed her his own. Buffy gladly took his hand and did the same.

“It is a Claddagh ring,” he managed to explain, once he got his voice back, “to be exchanged between a man and a woman as a nuptial bond. It is done twice. The first time is when the man asks for the woman’s hand in marriage, and the second time is when the couple is properly wedded, they exchange the rings again, but this time put them on their left hands. It is a tradition that signifies bonding. The crown represents loyalty, the hands represent friendship, and the heart represents love.”

Buffy listened. She could never get enough of listening to him explaining her what she had already known.

“My father had those two Claddaghs made especially for me and my wife to be once I turned eighteen. Will you be my wife?” he didn’t notice he was repeating an already asked question.

“Of course, I will!” Buffy laughed happily. “I love you so much!”

Angel hoisted her up in his arms, joyfully swinging her around the room. “I love you!” he yelled, not caring who would hear him.

Part Thirteen

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When Buffy woke up, she was alone in the bed. She knew Angel had spent the night in her room, but now he wasn’t there. When she glanced at the clock, she saw it was already noon. *I can’t believe I overslept this late,* she thought. But it was in an aspect very probable she would. Buffy was worn out after she and Angel returned home last night. They both were asleep within seconds after they had reached the bed. Buffy chuckled, reminiscing of last night. If her friends ever knew she had willingly been to a ballet, they’d burst in hysterical laughter, and afterwards still profess they didn’t believe her. Coming to think about it, she didn’t really believe herself. Until a week ago or so, ballet had been something so out of her realm of interest, she had thought it would be the last place she’d ever be seen at.

Well, she had evidently been wrong. Buffy wouldn’t admit it so easily, but she had actually had a great time. Of course, the company had contributed a lot to her enjoyment. Angel was wonderful last night. She would never forget the way he had so proudly introduced her to more people than she could ever remember, as his fiancée. And all of them were very fond of her. She had even made some new friends. Angel had introduced his fiancée to everyone he had known and was present, which pretty much made everyone that was there.

At first, Buffy had assumed she’d be spending the entire evening yawning in a corner where no one could see her, but Angel had promised she’d love it and she had never been able to refuse his soft smiling orbs, so she decided to give it a go if it made him happy. And he had been right, she'd loved it. She had been surrounded by practically everyone in the hall ever since the moment they had entered it. At first, they had been people who had come to give condolences for Angel’s father’s departure, but as soon as Angel had notified everyone who she was, the subject matter of the evening had changed.

They had all been so fascinated with her, that Buffy felt like she was on top of the world. It had been, of course, expected for her to draw some suspicious gazes about her ‘nonexistent’ background, but they were all elapsed once these people had taken the time to get to know her better and find out how much she had to offer as a person. And Angel…well, he had no predicaments whatsoever with her background. He hadn’t cared what others thought of her, and of him for being with her, for as long as it hadn’t hurt her in any way possible. During the entire evening, there wasn’t once that she caught a glimpse of indignity in his eyes when he gazed at her. She saw there nothing but love and admiration towards the girl of his dreams.

Angel had belonged to one of the few most famous and richest dynasties in whole of Ireland, and now that he had inherited the title, he had become even more wanted a match and object of desire for many women and fathers who wanted to marry their daughters well. Some of them had even expressed their jealousy towards Buffy, which had obviously been done in a playful and subtle manner. She would only smile in return, quickly turning to meet the everlasting beam of the object of desire himself.

Buffy had tried to behave as graciously as she could, even though before they had left, Angel had assured her she wouldn’t have to, that he would never be ashamed of her if she simply acted as herself. But Buffy had known she had had to make a very good first impression. She had already learned enough to know it was important for both her and her future husband’s status in that highest society. And in addition to that, she was going to live among those people for the rest of her life. In some point, whether she’d want it or not, she’d have to learn their manners, and she had enjoyed every minute of it so far. Buffy had been doing great too, because Angel’s gaze of pride and adoration hadn’t left her the whole night. Well…that wasn’t really a sign, because he’d never looked at her in any other way, but still, she'd known he'd been proud of her.

Everyone seemed to love her. Men had regularly stopped to kiss her hand, and compliment on her looks. Women had sent her lovely smiles, saying what an exotic woman she was, with her foreign looks and accent, and her tanned skin as it looked in contrast to their fair complexion. Everyone had been extremely nice, and had fast accepted her into their circles.

Among the many people she had met, she had mostly enjoyed the company of several young women. Some younger, some older than she. Buffy had also found several men she’d like to be friends with, but quickly understood it wasn’t proper for a young lady to be alone with other men, especially not one who was engaged, so a normal conversation with any of them was quickly out of the question and she hadn’t even tried. Remaining alone with women though, was ‘acceptable’, so after convincing Angel she was alright and he didn’t need to worry about her becoming bored, they had parted, and Buffy'd headed off to make some new friends.

There was a young countess named Cecile, who was seventeen. Buffy had been astonished to find out Cecile had been married and a mother of two. But she had soon ascertained the upper crust’s women of that time could legally be given away since the age of twelve. Cecile was one of them, she was promised to her husband in birth, and they were married once she turned fifteen. Her husband was thirteen years older than she, but she was pleased with this settlement. Buffy had also met Cecile’s two sisters, Leonora, who was twenty, and Clara, who was sixteen. They were also married. Besides that, she had been acquainted with Caitlin, who was a Duchess in her mid twenties, and was already considered ‘an old maid’, but Buffy had found her as a very interesting and open-minded woman. Caitlin had introduced her to the O’Connell sisters, Elizabeth and Caroline, who were two beautiful eighteen-year-old twins to a very distinguished Irish line, who were there with their father, and were permanently surrounded with countless wooers.

She had met many other exciting and interesting new people, both through Angel and those he had introduced her to. People, of the type she’d thought she’d never find anything in common with, and she had. They had all been very nice and accepting. Buffy had made new friends in a place she’d thought she’d never fit into. And she had even enjoyed the show itself.

No wonder she was exhausted.

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“Good day, my Lady!” Thomas greeted her cheerfully as she came downstairs. “It is rather sunny today, would you not agree?”

Buffy smiled. “Good morning, Thomas. Although it’s not exactly morning anymore…” she contemplated.

The old man laughed. “It is still a fine day to spend outside. You should go for a stroll in the gardens, perhaps. Have you seen the gardens yet, my Lady? It is rather scenic there this time of the year.”

“Yes, I have. And maybe I’ll take your advice. Thomas, have you seen Angel?”

He ruminated for a second. “Oh! You must be referring to master Liam!” he grinned.

Buffy nodded bashfully.

“You know, I also used to call him Angel when he was little. Although, I must say he was not one,” Thomas smiled. “It is good you have reminded me, my Lady, I have almost forgotten all about his request.”

“Request?”

“Yes. Come along, ma’am. Your brunch is ready.”

Buffy followed Thomas into the dining hall.

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He removed a chair for her and she sat by the table, plates laden with food laid out before her.

“Master Liam ordered to prepare you a repast when you shall wake up. He said not to disturb you and that you might wake late,” Thomas explained smiling. “He instructed me to follow your every desire.”

Buffy examined all the foods. “Okay…would you like to join me, then?”

The butler looked flattered by her attention. “It is very kind of you, my Lady, but I cannot.”

“Why not? Angel asked you to follow my desires,” she chuckled. “Didn’t he?”

“Well…it is rather against regulations, ma’am.”

“Okay, we’re gonna have to do it slowly,” she raised her hand at him, indicating to stop babbling. “First, stop calling me that. I’m not a queen, at least, I wasn't last time I checked, and frankly, I don’t wanna be one. My name is Buffy,” she extended her hand.

It took Thomas a short while before he grasped she’d been expecting him to shake it, and he did so awkwardly. “The Duke gathered everyone in the house, and informed them this morning you are the new lady of the household, and therefore should be treated as proper. We are not allowed to refer our Lady by her first name.”

“Let me guess. More regulations?”

“I am afraid so, ma’am. It would be an offence in your honor.”

“Thomas, let’s make a deal. You’ll leave the worrying about the well being of my honor to me, okay? Come on, join me for breakfast, I promise not to bite, and besides, you can’t possibly be expecting me to eat all of it by myself,” she beamed sweetly.

“A servant must not share a table with his mistress.”

“Okay,” she sounded annoyed, “let’s make it clear once and for all. I’m the...lady of the household or whatever, right?”

He nodded.

“That means, I set rules, right?”

Thomas nodded again.

“Cool. Rule number one, starting now, you call me Buffy.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but she raised her hand in her ‘I don’t wanna hear it’ mode.

“Rule number two. I say, you eat with me, you eat with me. And, that’s all for starters. Now, I’m hungry, but as I said, I’m not THAT hungry to eat it all by my lonesome, so sit. I think the sacred regulations can suffer a breaking once in a while,” she pointed on the empty seat next to her.

Thomas grinned. He already loved that girl. “As you wish, ma’am.”

Buffy shot him a look.

“Buffy,” he corrected himself.

She beamed with satisfaction. “Thank you!” She already started eating when she saw he was standing up to leave. “Where’s that?”

“Master Liam has left something for you. I shall go fetch it right now, with your permission.”

“Okay.”

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Thomas returned with a vase of blooming white roses in one hand, and an envelop in another, and took his seat by the table. A maid immediately walked in with an additional set of tableware for him.

Buffy beamed at the sight of the flowers. They were just so exquisite. It touched her so much that he had given her flowers, even more than she'd thought it would. It would never cease to amaze her just how wonderful he could be, she was sure of it now more than ever. She smelled the huge roses and closed her eyes. She loved him so much!

When Buffy unfolded the small note, an antique dainty script gazed up at her from the sheet.

“Beloved,

I have some errands I must undertake today, some financial matters. Now that everything is mine, there is abruptly plenty of work to be done; things that my father was responsible for before are now all under my care.

I deeply apologize for not being with you this morning, but I promise I will be back as soon as I can. I have asked Thomas to care for you, and supply whatever you wish.

I shall be back soon.

Always,
your Angel.”

Buffy beamed and put the letter aside. “So…” she mischievously looked at Thomas, who was smiling, watching her face. He knew very well just how much these two loved each other. He needed to be blind in order not to. “Wanna tell me something about Angel nobody else knows?”

Part Fourteen

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Buffy jerked her head back in laughter that was soon followed by a one of Thomas’. “Are you serious?” she still couldn’t believe. “He actually did that?!”

Thomas only nodded and kept laughing.

“Whom are we talking about?” she heard a familiar voice from behind and turned around to see Angel with a smile on his face. He walked in and took the seat opposite to Thomas, whilst gracefully kissing Buffy’s hand.

She smiled. “Thomas was just telling me how you managed to burn down your father’s barn when you were five,” she chuckled, “and blamed it all on the lightning…in mid summer.”

Angel laughed. “Oh, he did, did he not? Well, you can always rely on Thomas to supply you plenty of stories about embarrassing occurrences in my life I cannot remember myself. Although I definitely recall this one.”

She beamed. “Well, at least you can claim for originality.”

Angel smiled back. *She is so beautiful when she is happy…* He’d give his life to have her smiling like that all the time. Angel took a grip on her hand under the table, gently stroking the upside of her soft palm with his thumb. Buffy clasped the hand that was holding hers, relishing his tender caress.

Thomas understood rather quickly the two of them were only aware of each other. “Perhaps…I should go…attend my duties,” he got up and with a bow left the two of them alone.

When Thomas was out of sight, Angel reached his hand from underneath the table and cupped Buffy’s cheek, as she leaned into his palm.

“I missed you,” she whispered.

“I missed you too, beloved,” he grinned, “come with me,” Angel stood up and pulled her after him. “I have just the perfect idea for a perfect day.”

Buffy beamed and anxiously followed her lover.

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“Angel!” Buffy exclaimed, clasping her hands in excitement. “They’re gorgeous!”

Angel beamed, seeing her enthusiasm. He was approaching her, leading two magnificent white and already saddled stallions by their reins. “I had a feeling you would love them. They are the best of our stables.”

He passed one of the horses’ harness to Buffy and she gripped it. She gently stroked the white hair of the steed’s features, admiring its elegance and beauty.

“Are you ready?” Angel asked her.

Buffy nodded and before he blinked leaped on her horse’s back.

Angel’s mouth opened in fascination. “I presume you would not need my assistance in climbing on it,” he joked.

She smiled. “But thank you anyway, kind sir.”

He returned her an equal smile, while settling on his horse.

Buffy noticed he was still staring at her. “What?” she laughed.

He looked slightly uncomfortable. “Well…you are straddling.”

She was lost. “Yeah? And?…”

He gazed down. “You are not supposed to.”

“Why not? Is there some other way to ride a horse I’m not familiar with?”

“Well…a lady rides differently,” he said, a bit uneasily.

“Differently how?”

“With…with both legs on one side.”

“Oh,” she beamed, “well, this lady wants to keep her back intact and not fall from the horse, so this lady will ride like a gentleman. If that’s alright with you, that is,” she giggled.

“Everything you do is alright with me,” he kissed her hand.

“I’m glad you approve,” she smiled and urged the animal with her heals, “are you coming?”

Angel laughed and galloped after her.

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After at least a half an hour of riding through what seemed to Buffy like an everlasting green field, Angel had finally harnessed his horse. He jumped off its back and quickly approached Buffy, but as he got to her, he hesitated whether or not he should offer his help, bearing in mind her typical independence.

Buffy looked down at him, still on the back of her horse, realizing what he was intending to do, but fought against, most likely because of her nature.

As if reading her gaze, he explained. “I believe you would not need my help.”

She beamed, seeing he was slightly disappointed from that. “No, but I’d still love to have it.” If being the gentleman was what made him happy, would it kill her to cooperate?

He beamed widely, obviously happy with her reply. Angel reached for her and encircled his arms around her waist, hoisting her off the saddle. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You know, you can put me down now,” she suggested, smiling, when after tying the horses to a large tree, he was still holding her.

“Do you truly want me to?” he asked seductively.

Buffy grinned at the change in his voice. Almost bluntness. “Well…if you put it that way…” she pondered.

Buffy drew closer, catching his lips in a sweet kiss. While kissing, Angel slowly reposed her on the fresh grass, bending over her body, his hands on both her sides, his lips still on hers.

“Wow…” Buffy breathed out after he pulled away, “that was…wow.”

Angel lay by her side, unfolding his arm for her and she slid in and nestled in the crook of it.

Buffy closed her eyes and extended her arm across his chest, her hand meeting his and their fingers entwining together, as his other hand was gently caressing her long golden hair.

Angel kissed her brow tenderly. “I love you so much,” he told her, as if trying to make a very important point.

“I love you too,” Buffy murmured, placing a soft kiss on his chest, “every moment I spend with you…it’s priceless. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Never. I feel like I can stay forever…just lying like that, held in your arms. I feel so safe…and so loved…like nothing else matters.” She nestled closer to him, and he tightened his embrace.

“I know just what you mean, my love,” Angel wrapped both arms around her, pressing her closer against him. “You are my most cherished treasure. I believe in kismet, and I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you are mine. You came to me…like an angel, in a time I believed everything was worthless. You saved my life, and I soon learned that even if I died, my life would still end with you. It would take me over two hundred years to find you, but you would still be my only love. And you gave me the most wonderful gift anyone could ever give me. You gave me yourself, without having to wait two hundred years just to see you again. You gave up everything and stayed here with me, and you will never know how truly grateful I am for it.”

Buffy angled her head to gaze at his handsome face. “Don’t feel guilty about it, honey,” she said softly, “you really shouldn’t. In the world I left behind…” she lingered, “you are now dead. Living in a world like that, for me…is not an option. I can’t live without you. I just can’t. It might look like a hard choice to make, but it was an easy one. I know I might sound insensible, because I left friends, and family, but as long as I gain to spend my life with you instead, I think it’s the fairest trade I’ve ever made.” She kissed his lips.

“Do you not miss them? Even…sometimes? Do you not regret, or…wish you were there?”

She smiled reassuringly. “Never. I never wish. Yeah, sure, I miss them. I’d be a real idiot if I didn’t. I mean, I cared deeply about those people…I still do, of course. But it’s enough for me to just look at your face, and to be in your arms, and to feel you…to know that you’re real…it’s enough to banish any feelings of regret I might ever have. If I stayed…all I had would be dreams. And I can’t settle for dreams. Moreover, I don’t want to. Not when I have the real thing within my reach. I dreamt for so long, Angel. You were gone out of my life for only a few months, but these few months were more like a lifetime to me and all I could do was dream. I don’t wanna dream anymore.”

She snuggled on his chest, and he kissed her head lovingly. “You will never have to dream again, beloved. I cannot promise you much, but I can promise you this.”

“This is all I want, my love,” she whispered, “this is all I ever wanted.”

They lay in silence for a while, embraced tightly in each other’s arms, merging in the serenity of the green countrified meadow.

“It's so beautiful here, Angel,” Buffy said finally, “it’s like the time stood still in this place. It’s like paradise.”

“Well,” he smiled, “if I were you, I would start thinking of it as home.”

“Yeah…I mean, you grew up here. You’ve lived here your whole life. I never saw anything like that. Where I come from…it barely exists anymore. And the horses…” Buffy glanced at the two stallions eating from the grass, “the only contact I ever had with horses before, was when my dad used to take me to a special riding route. I never saw them like this…in the wild. It’s just beautiful.” Buffy seemed to become fascinated by everything.

“A special riding route?” Angel questioned. “What is it?”

She laughed. “No, I guess you wouldn’t know.”

Buffy sat up straight, and Angel did the same. He rested his back against the tree’s stem, and Buffy leaned into his chest, as he winded his arms around her waist from behind.

“We…” she continued, “we don’t…didn’t really have horses hanging around like that in the future.”

“What do you mean?”

Buffy rotated so she could face Angel. “You know, it’s like…if you wanted to ride a horse, so you would go to some place that’s particularly meant for that, and where you could rent a horse for a time to ride on. Unless of course, you’re rich and could afford your own, but usually even rich people didn’t do that. They didn't really need horses that much.”

“I do not understand,” his face showed he really didn’t, “but how can people transfer from place to place without a horse?”

Buffy laughed. “They don’t. You see, they don’t need horses to move around anymore. There are cars, busses, trains, planes, ships…” she peered at his bewildered countenance, “and of course, other things that mentioning their name will tell you absolutely nothing.”

“I wish I could see all that once.”

Buffy closed her eyes in delight, as she felt his fingers gently brushing through her hair, proficiently waving it into a light braid. “I doubt you’d like it. Honestly, it’s a lot less exciting than it sounds. And you are talking to someone who witnessed both and then made a decision. Really, if there are things I miss, development is so not one of them.”

Angel kissed her head after finishing with her hair, and snaked his arms around her shoulders, as Buffy took his hands into hers.

“I love it here much more,” she said.

Angel pressed her back into his chest, and reposed his head on hers, closing his eyes, enjoying the feel of the brisk summer breeze, and the warm rays of the sun on his face, and the feel of his love, slowly falling into slumber in the safety of his arms.

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