Marriage Deal (cont...)

21

Dawn padded into the kitchen at ten o’clock on New Year’s Day, shocked to see her brother-in-law standing in front of the stove, flipping eggs in a pan. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here," Angel laughed. "At least last time I checked."

"That’s not what I meant. Considering how late you guys came in last night, I thought you and Buffy would sleep the day away."

"I can’t sleep past nine anymore, it’s become habit. And as for Buffy, I wouldn’t expect her to be making an appearance for quite awhile. I have a feeling she’s gonna need her sleep."

Dawn took a seat the kitchen table. "Gee, do you think? She could barely walk without falling over when you guys came home last night. Or should I say, this morning. How much did she have to drink at the party?"

Angel put the eggs on a plate and placed it in front of the girl. "Hope you don’t mind, the eggs are over easy."

"Thank you, it’s fine. But you didn’t answer my question. How much did you let her drink last night?" she repeated.

"Enough. What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?"

"Very funny. I’m being serious."

"It’s not really a question of how much I let her drink. Buffy did it on her own. I guarantee she’ll regret it when she wakes up with a pounding headache."

She took a bite of her eggs. "Yeah, she’s not too much fun to be around when she has a hangover. When she was sixteen, she and Cordelia went to a frat party and some guys there spiked their drinks with some alcohol. The next morning, she had such an awful headache that she snapped at anyone who tried to talk to her. Mom grounded her for a month."

"Looks like I have something to look forward to when she wakes up."

"Oh yeah. Just don’t let her drink again until she’s twenty one. Think you can keep her away from the booze for another two-and-a-half weeks?"

He nodded. "I think I can handle it. What do you have planned for today?"

"I was thinking about going over to Ashley’s house at eleven. Her family rented a bunch of movies and they invited me over."

"Sounds like fun."

"Can I go?"

"Don’t you want to wait until Buffy gets up and ask her first? She’s the boss around here."

She sighed heavily. "I’m not sticking around long enough to face the wrath of Hangover Buffy. Been there, done that. Deja vu just isn’t what it used to be."

"Go ahead. I’ll tell her where you went. But just to let you know, you’re a big chicken."

"No, I’m smart. Thank you. I’m going to get dressed and head over there before she wakes up." Dawn stood up and started to leave the room.

"What about the rest of your breakfast?" he asked.

"It was good. Good eggs, Angel."

He glared at her, disapprovingly. "Sit down and finish them. You’re not going anywhere until you do."

Aggravated, Dawn threw herself back on the chair. "You know something? You’re as bad as Buffy."

"I’ll take that as a compliment. Eat."

***

Groaning, Buffy struggled to open her eyes, but her pounding headache made it difficult. She did her best to wipe the sleep from her tired eyes, then pulled the covers from her body. ‘Why do I only have on my bra and underwear?’ she wondered when she looked down at herself. With a great deal more groaning, Buffy climbed out of bed, put her robe on and made her way downstairs.

"Angel?" she called once she reached the bottom of the stairs. "Are you up?"

He walked out of his office, seeing his wife looking around for him. The sight brought a smile to his face: Buffy dressed in a white terrycloth robe, her shoulder-length blonde hair in a state of disarray. "I’m right behind you, Buffy."

She turned around. "Morning," she mumbled.

"You mean good afternoon," Angel clarified.

"What time is it?"

"One-thirty. You’ve been asleep for almost twelve hours. You had too much champagne last night at the party. And you got drunk." He paused for a moment. "It was quite entertaining."

She gazed at him. "Entertaining? So glad you thought so. Where’s the aspirin? I have a pounding headache; it feels like I have workmen using sledgehammers in my head."

"That would be called a hangover."

Buffy shot daggers at him. "Thanks for the diagnosis, Dr. McKenzie. But I already know that."

Angel led her into the kitchen, where he handed her two Tylenol caplets and a glass of water. Figuring she’d be in pain, he had them ready for when she woke up. "Dawn was right, you *are* cranky when you’re hung over."

"Shut up."

"Sorry," he apologized sarcastically. "If you need me, I’ll be in my office. I suggest you have a cup of coffee, it’s brewing now." After what they had almost done the night before, Angel wasn’t about to stand there and let her berate him for the way she was feeling. He couldn’t take it.

Buffy sat down. "Did something happen between us last night?" she asked when he was about to leave the kitchen.

He stopped dead in his tracks. "What do you mean?"

"This is going to sound stupid, but I had this dream and it felt so real. I-I dreamt that I begged you to undress me, to make love to me." She closed her eyes. "Please tell me it was only a dream; I’d be so embarrassed if it really happened. It didn’t, did it, Angel?"

Angel couldn’t bring himself to look at her ‘I can’t tell her the truth, she’ll hate herself and me. I care about her too much…I love her too much. God, where did that come from?’ "It was just a dream, don’t worry. And even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have taken advantage of the situation. You were drunk." It was the closest he could come to telling her the whole truth.

"Good. Now I don’t feel like an idiot…well, except for telling you about my weird dream. Promise you won’t hold it against me?"

"Promise."

"Did I tell you what I did to Lilah? I slapped the bitch for lying to me about sleeping with you," Buffy told him proudly. "It felt damn good."

He smiled. "Yeah, you told me between glasses of champagne. Good job. She deserved it."

"She did."

"I’m planning on having a talk with her tomorrow. And after this case is finished, I guarantee she’ll be out of our lives. For good."

"You don’t have to do that."

"Yes I do." ‘I can’t have her interfering. She’ll ruin any chance I have…’

***

22

"Angel, what’s going on? Why are we here?" Buffy demanded as she and Angel walked through the alley leading to the Bronze. "I told you I didn’t want to go out tonight. Look, every birthday I’ve had since I turned seventeen has sucked beyond the telling of it. I’d like to just forget January nineteen even exists on the calendar."

He stopped and stood in front of the birthday girl. "You’re turning twenty-one, that’s a pretty big deal. Besides, this year might be different. You might actually enjoy yourself."

"I doubt it. I guess I should be thankful for one thing, at least you didn’t throw a huge party. Having tonight be just the two of us is a definite perk. That’s all I wanted – a nice, quiet birthday."

"It’ll be nice, I promise you that." ‘Quiet, on the other hand…’

Buffy put her arms around him, hugging her husband. "In case I forget to tell you later, thank you."

"Well, don’t thank me yet. Come on, let’s go inside." Throwing his arm over her shoulder, Angel led her inside the darkened building.

She glanced around curiously. "Where is everybody? Angel, what have you done?" Suddenly, she was very suspicious.

Then, the lights clicked on, revealing her closest friends and family, all wearing party hats. A sign hung across the stage, reading HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY BUFFY! "Surprise!" they all shouted.

"Happy birthday, Buffy," Angel whispered in her ear, planting a lingering kiss on her right cheek.

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "I can’t believe it. You did all this for me? Why?"

"You’ve been complaining about how much you hate your birthday. I wanted to do something special for you," he answered.

Buffy shook her head. "I should hate you for this, but I can’t. This is the nicest thing anybody’s ever done for me."

"It was all Angel’s idea," Willow told her, everyone making their way over to the couple. "He rented out the Bronze for the night, bought all the decorations, called all of us up…he did everything. He said all we had to do was show up and bring you a present. And he mentioned something about not bringing alcohol."

"You’ve got yourself a great guy, Buffy," Cordelia stated. "Don’t let him out of your sight for a minute."

She laughed. "I don’t plan on it."

Xander grabbed her hands. "Happy Birthday, Buff. Now, let’s party!"

While Buffy was dragged on the dance floor by the brown-haired young man, Faith stood next to Angel and watched them. "Doing this was really nice of you, you know that? It’s nice to see her finally have a happy birthday."

"Well, she deserves it. Today’s her day, and Buffy should feel special."

"She is."

He watched her laugh as Xander embarrassed himself by doing an outdated dance move. The sound of her laughter tugged at his heart. "She certainly is."

Faith noted the tone of his voice. It didn’t belong to a man pretending to be in love with a woman, it belonged to a man who *was* in love with her.

***

"Hey, man," Xander began, tapping Angel on the shoulder a little while later. "Do you mind if I steal your beautiful wife for a dance?"

He looked at Buffy, who stood nearby with Faith and Dawn. "Go ahead. You don’t need my permission to dance with her."

"Just checking so you don’t go all Ted Bundy on me."

"Not to worry. Ted Bundy only killed women. You’re safe."

Not more than thirty seconds later, Xander and Buffy were on the dance floor, having a grand time. Angel stared at his drink, choosing not to watch the two.

// Cutting through the darkest night are my two headlights

Try to keep it clear, but I’m losing it here

To the twilight

There’s a dead end to my left

There’s a burning bush to my right

You aren’t in sight

You aren’t in sight

Do you want me

Like I want you

Or am I standing still

Beneath a darkened sky

Or am I standing still

With the scenery flying by

Or am I standing still

Out of the corner of my eye

Was that you passing me by \\

From where Willow was standing with her boyfriend Oz, she could see the expression of unhappiness on Angel’s face. Excusing herself, she walked over to the older man. "It’s okay, you know. You don’t have to worry about Xander."

"Huh? Excuse me?" he asked, looking up from his drink.

"Sorry. I guess I couldn’t help noticing the jealous look on your face. Buffy and Xander, they’re only friends, it’s all they have ever been and ever will be. Sure, in the beginning he had a huge crush on her, but then he started seeing Cordelia, and now Anya and that was the end of it," Willow explained.

"You think I’m jealous? Of him?"

She nodded her head. "Aren’t you?"

Angel thought for a moment. And what he discovered was that Buffy’s friend was right. Without realizing it, he was jealous of Xander Harris. "Willow, you’re right. I guess I am jealous. Which is strange, because I’m not the jealous type."

"It’s okay. Like I said before, you don’t have to worry about him. Buffy never thought of him as anything more than a friend. A good friend. She loves you, anyone can see that. She wouldn’t have married you if she didn’t think you were a great guy."

"You think so?"

Willow smiled at him. "I know so."

// Mothers on the stoop

Boys in souped-up coupes

On this hot summer night

Between fight and flight

Is the blind man’s sight

And a choice that’s right

I roll the window down

Feel like I’m gonna drown in this strange town

Feel broken down

Feel broken down

Do you need me

Like I need you

Or am I standing still

Beneath a darkened sky

Or am I standing still

With the scenery flying by

Or am I standing still

Out of the corner of my eye

Was that you passing me by? \\

"Something is definitely up between my sister and your best friend," Faith commented to Spike as they started dancing.

"You don’t have to convince me, love. I’ve known Angel nearly all my life, and I’ve never seen him like this. I don’t think we’re dealing with a fake marriage anymore. He’s got it bad."

Faith nodded her head. "I know. Believe me, I recognize the look of a man in love, and it’s written all over Angel’s face. And Buffy’s, too, but she’ll never admit it. She told me about this dream she had on New Year’s Eve, that she begged him to have sex with her. Makes me wonder…"

"And you don’t think it was a dream?"

"No way. Do you see Angel’s face right now? He’s totally jealous that Buffy’s dancing with Xander instead of him. It’s gotta be eating him up inside."

Spike gazed at his best friend; Faith was right. "He *is* jealous. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like that. But then again, if she were my wife, I wouldn’t want her dancing with some other guy."

"Are you saying you have a thing for my sister?" accused Faith. The two had started dating a week beforehand.

"No. I’ve got a thing for you." ‘But I wouldn’t say not to a ride on the Buffymobile. I *will* have her.’

// Sweet sorrow – he said call tomorrow

Sweet sorrow – he said call tomorrow

Do you love me

Like I love you

Or am I standing still

Beneath a darkened sky

Or am I standing still

With the scenery flying by

Or am I standing still

Out of the corner of my eye

Was that you passing me by

Are you passing me by \\

***

"Nice party you’ve got here," Spike complimented to Angel after his dance with Faith ended. "But you don’t seem to be enjoying it."

Angel shrugged his broad shoulders. "It’s not my party to enjoy. As long as Buffy’s having a good time, that’s all that matters."

"Are you in love with her?"

The question took Angel by surprise. ‘Am I in love with her?’ he asked himself. "I thought I was for awhile there, at least until recently. But I came to the conclusion that I was attracted to her because we spent so much time together. Buffy’s beautiful and sweet, how could someone not be attracted to her?"

"You tell me. You’re the one who almost slept with her on New Year’s Eve. And don’t try to tell me it was a dream. I know you better than that, and it would explain the brooding you’ve been doing."

"She got drunk and we almost made love. When she passed out, I stopped; I couldn’t go through with it. I could not take advantage of her when she was like that."

"There was, as I remember, a time when you wouldn’t have hesitated," Spike reminded him.

He shook his head. "I respect her. She’s like a sister to me, nothing more, nothing less. So drop the subject, Spike. I’m not in love with Buffy."

***

Shortly after they’d returned home from the party at the Bronze, Angel knocked on Buffy’s bedroom door. "Is it okay if I come in?" he wanted to know.

"Sure. I’m dressed, come on in."

He entered her room, finding her sitting at the edge of her bed, dressed in lounge pants and black tank top. His breath caught in his throat when he saw how her top hugged every one of her curves. "Can I sit down for a minute?"

"Have a seat. What’s up?"

Angel sat down next to her. "I didn’t want to give this to you in front of everyone at the party." He handed her a present, wrapped in simple brown paper. "Happy birthday."

She stared at it for several seconds before ripping the paper away, gasping when she saw what it was. "Oh, Angel."

"It’s a book of poetry. It belonged to my uncle and I found it shortly after you and Dawn moved in. I went through your book collection and saw that you enjoyed poetry, so I wanted to give it to you." He paused. "Open the inside cover."

Buffy did so, seeing the words ALWAYS, ANGEL written inside. "You shouldn’t have."

"I had to."

"No, you didn’t. But thank you, it’s lovely. You know, Angel, you made this the best birthday I’ve ever had. I’ll never be able to think of a way to repay you."

He smirked. "I’m sure you’ll think of something."

***

23

"Is there anything else you needed, Mr. McKenzie?" Jenny asked her boss, closing her notebook and clipping her pen to the wire rings.

Angel shook his head. "No, I think I have everything I need. Thanks for all your help today."

"No problem. Can I just say how nice it is to come to work every day and not have to deal with Lilah Morgan? It’s been a pleasure to show up here since she left."

"It is, isn’t it?" he replied, his face brightening into a smile.

"Do you think it’s going to be hard going up against her in court next week? I mean, considering you *did* fire her."

Angel sighed heavily. "No, it won’t be. I know all of Lilah’s tricks, and I know her weaknesses. The bitch is going down. She doesn’t stand a chance."

"You amaze me, you know that? The way you got rid of her…I’m in awe of you, Mr. McKenzie. Really. Paying Montgomery, Jenkins and Walters to offer her a job in Los Angeles, then firing her the day before she got the offer…I could kiss you," Jenny told him. "You are a true genius."

"You don’t have to go that far," Angel joked. "Lilah was causing trouble between me and Buffy, and I had to get her away from us. Choosing between Lilah Morgan and my wife was a no-brainer."

"You’re right. I give you a lot of credit for kicking her out of here on her ass."

// "Lilah, we need to talk," Angel told the other lawyer after they’d returned from the courthouse two weeks after New Year’s. He led her into his office.

"What can I do for you, Angel?" she asked seductively, watching him as he closed his office door for more privacy.

He walked behind his desk, placing his hands on the oak top. "Well, Lilah, it’s not easy to say this. You’ve been with us for a long time; six years to be exact."

"I know that. I’ve brought in a lot of clients for this firm."

"Yes, I am aware of that. Which is what makes this even harder. There’s no other way to say it other than to just come out with it. In light of recent events, I feel it would be better for this firm if you were no longer a part of it. Therefore, effective immediately, you are fired."

Lilah stared at him, her mouth agape. "Excuse me? Did you just fire me?"

"Yes. You have until the end of the day to pack up your office and be out of the building," Angel informed her.

"You have got to be kidding. You and I just won one of the biggest cases we’ve ever had today and now you’re giving me my walking papers? Where is the loyalty?"

"Tell me where the loyalty is when you come into my bedroom and insult me, and my wife as well," he shot back at her.

"You can’t fire me. I won’t go."

"Then I’ll have you escorted out. Either way, Lilah, your career at Giles and Pryce is over."

"You can’t do this to me. I’m a valued employee."

Angel smirked. ‘I love my job.’ "You *were* a valued employee, Lilah. Now I suggest you leave without making a scene or I’ll have one of our armed guards escort you out in handcuffs. The choice is yours."

"I’ll get you for this, Angel. You can’t fire me for making comments about your wife."

"No, but I can fire you for sexual harassment. Which is what you did in San Francisco when you came into my room naked and propositioned me. Goodbye, Miss Morgan. And don’t you ever set foot in this law firm again unless you are with a client," Angel warned. \\

He laughed. "Thank you. It’s been a nice, quiet couple of months without her around."

"Actually, eight months, seventeen days and six-and-a-half hours," Jenny clarified.

"Sounds like you’ve been keeping count."

"Nobody hated her more than I did."

He glanced at the picture of Buffy sitting on top of his desk; he’d placed it there not long after her birthday. The picture itself had been taken at her party by Willow, a picture of Buffy with her arms wrapped around him, smiling happily at the camera lens. "I think my wife may have you beat there."

"I can’t believe she told Buffy you two were sleeping together. What a lying bitch."

"She did."

"At least Buffy didn’t buy it. Anybody with halfway decent eyesight can see how much you love your wife."

Angel looked down at the floor. "Buffy’s great. This has been the happiest ten months of my life."

"Marriage suits you, boss."

***

Faith ran into the lobby, breathless from running all the way from her car. She found her sister sitting in a chair, her face buried in her hands. "What happened?"

Sniffling, Dawn looked up. Tears streaked her cheeks as she hiccupped. "Faith, this is my fault. Buffy must hate me. *You’re* gonna hate me."

She sat down next to her younger sister. "Nobody hates you. I couldn’t understand a word of what you said to me on the phone. Tell me what happened. How’s Buffy?"

"I don’t know, they haven’t told me anything since they finished checking me out. I know she was hurt way worse than I was. She was bleeding a lot." Dawn began sobbing, remembering her sister’s bruised face.

"It’s okay. B’s stronger than most people give her credit for. She’ll be fine, just wait and see."

Dawn lifted her head. "What if she isn’t fine? What if she’s hurt so bad she’ll never be the same? Everyone will blame me for it."

"Stop talking like that, Dawn. Now, calm down and tell me exactly what happened this afternoon."

Taking a deep breath, Dawn began her story. "I got detention today for not having my medical emergency card filled out. That’s the dumbest reason in the world for having detention, isn’t it? On the third day of classes! When I got out of school, it was pouring outside and I didn’t want to walk. So I called Buffy and asked her to pick me up. Boy, was she mad at me; you’d think she never got detention before. Anyway, as she was driving me home, this maniac ran a STOP sign and slammed right into the car. It hit the back driver’s side." She paused. "If he had crashed right into Buffy’s door, she’d probably…s-she might not be…" Dawn couldn’t finish the sentence.

"Don’t think like that," chastised Faith. "I’m sure Buffy is giving those doctors hell right now."

Dawn laughed in spite of herself. "You’re probably right."

"What did Angel say when you told him?" the older sister wanted to know. "He’s on his way, right?"

"Oh my god! I didn’t even think to call him! God, Faith, Angel is Buffy’s husband and I didn’t call him. I can’t do anything right today. What’s wrong with me?" Dawn’s lower lip quivered.

"Nothing is wrong with you. Why don’t you go call him right now while I find out how Buffy’s doing."

She nodded, walking over to the pay phones. Digging a quarter out of her pocket, Dawn dialed the seven digits to her brother-in-law’s office.

"Giles and Pryce, Angel McKenzie’s office. Jenny speaking, how may I help you?" the secretary answered.

"I need to talk to Angel McKenzie," Dawn said, her heart pounding uncontrollably.

"I’m sorry, but Mr. McKenzie is in the middle of an important meeting at the moment and cannot be interrupted. Can I take a message?"

"This is his sister-in-law Dawn Summers. I *need* to talk to him; it’s a family emergency. Something happened to his wife Buffy."

Jenny switched the phone to her other ear. "Hold on a second and I’ll get him, Dawn." She burst into her boss’s office, everyone in the room staring at her as she entered uninvited. "Mr. McKenzie, you have an important phone call."

"I told you I’m in a meeting and there were to be no interruptions," Angel stated.

"It’s your sister-in-law on the phone. She says it’s an emergency. The poor girl sounds hysterical. It’s about Buffy."

Angel’s heart rate climbed, fear coursing through his veins at the thought of there being something seriously wrong with his wife. "Did she say what’s wrong?"

The secretary shook her head. "No. But I suggest you take it."

"Excuse me, gentlemen, but I have to take this call." The three other male lawyers exited the room, and Angel picked up the phone once he had his privacy back. "This is Angel. What’s wrong?" he asked the girl on the other end of the phone.

"It’s Dawn, Angel," she started. "There was an accident a little while ago."

"What kind of an accident?"

"A bad one. Buffy’s in the hospital. Faith and I need you here."

"How bad is Buffy?" ‘Please, let her be okay,’ he prayed silently. ‘I’ll do anything if she’s okay.’ He could hear the distant tears in Dawn’s voice.

She sniffled. "I don’t know. Please get here soon. I’m scared."

"I’ll be right there."

***

24

Dawn returned to the waiting room, seeing Faith sitting in the chair she herself had vacated when she left to call Angel. Her face looked sad, nearly as sad as it had been over a year ago when their parents were in the hospital. "Faith?" Dawn said in a little girl’s voice, fear gripping her heart.

The older girl stood up, wiping the sad look from her face. "Dawnie, sit down."

"Something’s wrong; Buffy’s the only person who calls me ‘Dawnie.’ What did the nurse say to you?"

"She is in surgery right now. Apparently, her appendix ruptured from the impact of the crash," Faith told her younger sister. "So, she has to have an appendectomy to keep the poison from getting into her bloodstream."

Dawn needed to take a deep breath before sitting down. "Poison? She’s got poison in her? How?"

"The appendix is full of harmful toxins, that’s why some people need to have it removed when it gets enlarged, so that way it doesn’t rupture. But in Buffy’s case, it didn’t just get enlarged, it actually burst."

"Could she die?"

Closing her eyes, Faith sighed. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Dawn with the truth. "The doctors know what they’re doing. Buffy’s in good hands with them."

Dawn just stared at her. "You didn’t answer my question."

"That’s because you can answer it yourself. You know Buffy; do you think she’ll let a little thing like this keep her down?"

"No."

"Did you get a hold of Angel?" Faith wanted to know, deciding to change the subject.

She nodded. "Yeah. He said he’ll be here in a couple minutes. His secretary said he was in the middle of some big, important meeting. You don’t think he’s gonna get in trouble, do you?"

"I doubt it. Angel is the boss over there, I don’t think he’ll be getting into a whole lot of trouble. Especially if it’s a family emergency like this one is."

Dawn slumped down in her chair. "Oh no. Angel’s going to hate me. He loves Buffy so much and if she’s hurt really bad, he’ll want to kill me. He could have me put in jail."

Faith wrapped her arm around Dawn’s shoulder. "How many times do I have to tell you? The accident was *not* your fault. Some asshole ran a STOP sign and slammed into Buffy’s car. If anyone gets put in jail, it’ll be him. So stop worrying."

Five minutes later, Angel ran into the waiting room where his two sisters-in-law sat, comforting one another. "Faith, Dawn, how is she? I got here as fast as I could."

The fifteen year old started crying while Faith frowned. "Buffy’s still in surgery."

"What kind of surgery?" ‘Please let her be okay. Please, please.’

"An appendectomy. Her appendix burst due to the accident. They think she might have a few broken ribs, and her right foot is definitely broken."

"How does she look?" Angel questioned.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I haven’t seen her. She was already in surgery when I got here, and that was forty-five minutes ago."

"How’s she taking it?" he asked, nodding to Dawn.

"Dawn blames herself. Keeps saying if she hadn’t gotten detention this afternoon, Buffy would be fine. I keep telling her if that guy had been watching where he was driving, we wouldn’t be here. But there’s nothing we can do now except wait."

***

"Summers?" the doctor called when he entered the waiting area.

Faith got up and walked over to the doctor; Dawn had fallen asleep with her head on Angel’s shoulder. "I’m Buffy’s sister. Is she okay, doctor?"

He smiled and nodded his head. "Your sister is lucky she wasn’t hurt much worse. But yes, she’ll be fine. We successfully removed her appendix and prevented the toxins from spreading throughout her body. Aside from that, she has a broken foot and some bruised ribs. And a few cuts and bruises on her face."

"Any permanent damage?"

"None that I can see. In about two months, Buffy should be back to normal. She’s resting in room 364, she just woke up from the anesthesia, so she might be a little groggy. I’ll let you in to see her one at a time for five minutes each."

Faith felt like hugging the doctor. "Thank you so much. When can she come home?"

"Barring any complications, the day after tomorrow."

"Well?" Angel demanded when she returned. "How is she?"

"Fine. She is going to be perfectly fine. Her ribs aren’t broken, just bruised. And the doctor said she can go home the day after tomorrow. That’s great, isn’t it?"

"It is. Can we see her?"

"Uh-huh. She just woke up a little while ago." She paused. "Do you want to go in first or should I?"

Angel grimaced at the decision he had to make. "You go. I’ll tell Dawn the good news while you’re in there."

"But you are Buffy’s husband. Don’t you think she’ll want to see you first?" Faith could sense his struggle. She knew he was afraid of letting his true feelings for Buffy show.

He shook his head. "That’s all right. You’re her sister, she’ll want to see you before she’ll want to see me. Just go."

"If you’re sure."

"I am." Once Faith turned toward Buffy’s room, Angel shook his sleeping sister-in-law. "Hey, Dawn, wake up. I’ve got good news for you."

***

"Knock, knock," Angel said before entering his wife’s hospital room. "Mind if I come in?"

Buffy looked over toward him, smiling when she saw what he held: a giant helium balloon attached to the leg of a brown teddy bear. "Hi. Sure, you can come in."

"These are for you. I’ll put them on the table here," he told her, placing the gifts on the table next to the bed.

"Thank you. It was really thoughtful of you to go to so much trouble," Buffy commented.

He gave her a kiss on the forehead. "It was no trouble at all. I’m just glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I would’ve done if something had happened to you."

"It would have really put a damper on your plans for getting your inheritance from your uncle Rupert."

"That has nothing to do with it. I genuinely care about you," Angel admitted, somewhat hurt by her words. "The biggest part of me would have died if you hadn’t made it."

"Really?" she asked, incredulously.

He nodded. "Really. You’re more than just some girl to me. You should know that by now."

"I guess I never realized it."

"How are you feeling?"

Buffy groaned. "Like I was run over by an eighteen-wheeler. Other than being very sore, I’m okay."

"That’s to be expected, I suppose."

"Yeah, it is. I’m really sorry about your car. I didn’t mean to get it demolished like that," she apologized.

Angel laughed shortly. "The car is the least of my concerns. All I care about is you, not a fourteen thousand dollar contraption. A car can be replaced, a person can’t."

"If I ask you something, will you be totally honest with me?"

"Of course I will. What do you want to know?"

"Do these cuts make me look ugly?"

The expression on her face devastated him. Buffy looked utterly terrified of the answer. "You only have a few cuts on your cheeks. And to answer your question, no, you don’t look ugly. You are as beautiful as always."

"You think I’m beautiful?"

"I always have." Angel checked his watch. "Looks like my five minutes is almost up. I’ll be by tomorrow during my lunch hour and visit you. Get some rest."

"I will. Thank you, Angel."

"For what?"

She gave him a small smile. "For everything. It means a lot to me. Having you here means a lot to me."

"Same here. You mean a lot to me, too, love." ‘More than you’ll ever know.’

***

25

Two days later, Angel opened the front door for his injured wife as she hobbled up the walkway to the house on her crutches. "Do you need any help walking up the steps?" he asked, concerned she might not be able to make it up the three steps to get to the door.

Buffy shook her head. "Nope, I think I can handle it on my own. But thanks for the offer."

"Just trying to help."

"I know you are. I just don’t want to rely on anybody because of this. You and Dawn won’t be home with me every second, so I need to learn to do this on my own."

Angel nodded, understanding Buffy’s need for independence. "If you do need me, all you have to do is ask."

She climbed up the steps, reaching his side. "I appreciate you concern. I’m warning you, though, I might take you up on it."

"I’ll be here if you do," he promised.

When she entered the house, her face lit up like a Christmas tree. There were dozens of flowers, boxes of candy, balloons and get-well cards on every flat surface inside the living room. "Oh my lord. Angel, where did all this stuff come from?"

Closing the door behind them, Angel smiled at her. "Your friends, my friends, some of the people at the firm, and a few clients who heard about the accident. The dozen roses on the fireplace are from Wesley. He sends his love and best wishes."

"That was so nice of him…of everyone. They didn’t need to go to so much trouble," Buffy commented.

"People like you, Buffy. And I can’t think of a single reason why they shouldn’t," Angel told her. "So, what do you want to do first, now that you’re finally back home?"

She sighed. "Take a bath. I feel so scummy from that hospital."

Angel laughed at the simplicity of her choice. ‘Typical of Buffy.’ "Okay. I’ll order out Chinese while you’re up there. Any requests?"

"Orange chicken, fried rice and broccoli," she stated without needing time to think about it.

"You got it."

Buffy began her journey up the stairs, careful not to trip. Unfortunately, her right crutch slipped from the third step, causing her to yelp when she landed on the stairs. Having heard it from the kitchen, Angel ran to her side. "What happened?"

"I fell."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. The only thing that hurts is my ego. I guess it’s going to take some time to get used to using these damn crutches," she complained.

"Come on, I’ll help you to the top."

She shook her head, not wanting to put him out. "I can do it. Angel, I don’t need your help. I don’t want it."

Angel smirked. "That’s too bad, because you’ve got it." Before she could object, he swept her up into his arms, carrying her up the remainder of the stairs like a bridegroom with a bride. He could smell the lingering scent of her strawberry shampoo, and did his best to ignore it.

***

"How’s it going, B?" Faith wanted to know when she stopped by later that afternoon. Angel had called her up and asked her to keep Buffy company while he tied up some loose ends at the law office.

Laying on the couch, Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Okay, I guess. I’m really sore. And moving around isn’t all that easy."

"Having a broken foot sucks, you don’t need to tell me. Been there, done that," she said. She glanced around the room, noticing all the gifts and flowers. "Nice decorations you got here. Looks like someone bought out the entire flower shop. It wasn’t your fake husband, was it?"

"Don’t start, Faith. Angel’s gone out of his way for me these past few days, taking time away from his big case to be here for me. He even carried me up the stairs when I fell earlier."

"Did he, now?" ‘Probably trying to cop a feel,’ Faith thought.

"Yes, he did. Let’s talk about something else. How are things going between you and Spike? Getting serious?" Buffy asked.

Faith gave her sister a half-smile. "You could say that. I’m really enjoying myself, if that’s what you mean. At least he doesn’t hit me like Parker did. And he’s much better in the sack."

"Faith!" Buffy exclaimed.

"What? There’s something to be said for an older man. He’s got experience, stamina, and he can do things Parker couldn’t even dream of." She sighed heavily. "Buffy, the stories I could tell you about Spike…his mouth, his hands, his tongue…" She growled at the thought.

"That classifies as too much information," Buffy stated. Listening to her sister talk about her sex life made Buffy feel uncomfortable. And rather jealous.

The older Summers sister couldn’t help but laugh. "You know what I find hard to believe? That you’ve been married for ten months and you *still* haven’t slept with the man yet. At the rate you’re going, Dawn will do it before you will."

"Don’t go there. Dawn’s only sixteen."

"So was I. So were a lot of people. You’re twenty-one! I don’t get it. You are married to a hot, smart, rich man and you won’t have sex with him. Don’t you think you’re being a little unfair to Angel?"

Buffy looked down, not wanting her sister to see the look in her green eyes. "I didn’t make him take a vow of celibacy, Faith. He can sleep with anyone he wants to." ‘Even though I’m hoping he isn’t sleeping around with someone.’

Faith gazed closely at Buffy. Despite Buffy’s best attempts to hide it, she could easily see the look on her face. "You’re jealous, aren’t you? Jealous that some other woman might catch his eye."

"No."

"Yes. I want you to look me dead in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for Angel. Go on, do it." Faith wanted to hear her admit it.

Making eye contact, Buffy knew she couldn’t lie; Faith could always see right through her, even when they were younger. "Yes, I have feelings for Angel. Are you happy now?"

"Have you ever thought about acting on them?"

"Nuh-huh. No way. I don’t have that in me."

She smirked. "Everybody has it in them, B. Have you ever fantasized about him? Wonder what it would be like to actually do the deed with him?"

Blushing, Buffy nodded her head. "Every now and then. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I were to just go into his room one night and climb into bed with him. I already know he doesn’t wear anything to bed, so I could just uncover him and look. Maybe even touch. But I have thought about it, and do sometimes wonder if he’d tell me to get out if I actually tried it."

"I don’t think he’d tell you to get out. Just do it. Go into his room tonight and ask him to be your first," Faith ordered.

"I can’t. First of all, I just had surgery. Secondly, I could never in a million years do that. It’s one thing to dream about it, it’s something completely different to do it. Third, he doesn’t know I’ve never done it before. I’d be too embarrassed to tell him." Buffy took a deep breath. "And lastly, it’s a marriage in name-only. Sex only complicates things, and Angel and I agreed on no sex."

"Not if you love the guy."

"I never said I loved him. I’m attracted to him, there’s a big difference. Look, can we drop the subject? I don’t want to talk about this anymore."

The brunette lifted her eyebrows. ‘The truth must hurt.’ "Fine. Let’s talk about something else." ‘Someday, she’ll realize that she’s in love with him, and that he’s just as in love with her. And I want to be around to see it.’

***

"I’m glad you’re home, Buffy," Dawn told her over dinner that night. "I was really scared when you were in the hospital. It reminded me of last summer when Mom and Dad were there."

"Don’t worry, I’m fine. And I’m glad to be home, too. Dawnie, what happened wasn’t your fault, I want you to know that. Angel told me that you were blaming yourself, and I don’t want you to do that anymore. Promise me you won’t."

She grinned, finally believing she wasn’t to blame. Being told by everyone else was one thing, but hearing it from Buffy herself convinced her of it. "I promise. I’ll never get detention again."

"Good."

The doorbell rang ten minutes later, as Angel and Dawn were loading the dishwasher. "I got it," he told Buffy, who sat on the couch in the living room reading one of her textbooks. He didn’t want her to overexert herself.

"Okay," she replied.

When he opened the front door, Angel couldn’t believe who stood on the other side. "Oh my god."

***

26

Hearing Angel’s exclamation, Buffy put down her schoolbooks and reached out for her crutches, hobbling over to his side. "Angel, what is it? Who’s at the door?"

Angel took several step back and a woman in her early sixties walked through the front door uninvited. "It’s so nice to see your manners haven’t improved a bit, Angelus," she commented in a thick British accent. "Apparently, some things never change."

"Angel?" Buffy repeated.

He remained silent. "What are you doing here? You certainly weren’t invited," he said to the woman.

"Is that any way to greet your mother?" she chastised. "I raised you better than that."

"You didn’t raise me period. I pose the question again, why did you come here?"

‘Mother?’ Buffy thought. ‘Angel told me he hasn’t seen his mother since his law school graduation. Why on earth would she stop by to visit after all these years?’

"Is it against the law to want to see my only son? I just returned from a Mediterranean cruise last week when I found a message waiting for me on my answering machine. My only child got married and didn’t bother to inform his own mother. Do you know who left that message? You school chum William. I didn’t even hear it from my own son, I had to hear it from his best friend."

"I’ll kill him," Angel vowed. "He had no right."

Angel’s mother turned her attention to Buffy, who stood five feet away from Angel. "I’m Amelia McKenzie, Angelus’ mother. And you must be the *new* Mrs. McKenzie." She looked Buffy up and down, sizing her up. "Pretty. And very young. William warned me you were younger, but not a child."

"I’m twenty-one."

"You don’t have to defend yourself to her, Buffy," Angel told her. "My mother doesn’t deserve any explanations."

Mrs. McKenzie chose to ignore her son’s words. "Dear Rupert, he always did have a soft spot for you, Angelus. He left you everything, didn’t he? Forgot all about his poor younger sister."

"You are hardly poor, mother. When are you returning to New York?" Angel was eager for his mother to leave. The two had never shared a loving mother-son relationship.

She simply smiled at her son. "In a few days. But I did want to meet my new daughter-in-law and see how my son is getting by. Tell me, my son the lawyer, is that against the law?"

"I’ll call the hotel and have you set up in their best suite." Angel headed for his study to make the call.

"That won’t be necessary. I will simply stay in the guest room here. There is no need to go out of your way to make special accommodations for me."

While Angel glared at his mother with hatred filling his brown eyes, Buffy couldn’t help but stare in awe at her. Amelia McKenzie blew through the house like a tornado – an unstoppable force to be reckoned with.

"Oh, there is a need. It’s no trouble at all to have you housed there for the duration of your stay," Angel insisted.

"You don’t have to bother, I am perfectly happy to stay right here. And don’t worry about my bags," she began. "I can bring them to my room by myself. Last room on the right, correct? Across from the master bedroom?" Mrs. McKenzie ascended the stairs without bothering to wait for a response from her son.

Buffy turned to her husband. "Angel? Are you okay?"

"That’s my room," he muttered. "She’s taking over my room. Now what do I do?" He felt like an adolescent all over again, being ordered around by his mother.

She could tell he wasn’t in the mood for joking around, so she kept her joke to herself. "Looks like you’re staying in my room until she leaves."

Dawn ran down the stairs. "Okay, who’s the weird lady who just poked her head in my room? And what the hell is she doing here?" she demanded. "We aren’t moving again, are we?"

"That would be my mother," Angel answered. "She’s staying with us for a while."

"Oh. Sorry about calling her a weird lady, Angel."

He laughed. "No, Dawn, you were right the first time. She is a weird lady."

***

"Where do you want me to sleep?" Angel asked Buffy later that evening when they were settling down for bed. With his mother sleeping in his bedroom, Angel had no choice but to sleep with his wife. It would be hard to explain if he were to sleep on the living room couch.

She shrugged. "It doesn’t matter to me really. Wherever you feel comfortable."

"Looks like the floor it is." Setting a few blankets on the carpet, he laid himself down next to the bed.

Buffy felt bad for making him sleep on the floor in his own home. "You don’t have to sleep there, you know. I have plenty of room on the bed, not to mention it won’t be nearly as uncomfortable. Get up here."

"You really don’t have to do this. The floor is fine. Besides, you’re still hurt."

"Don’t argue with me. Get your ass up here and sleep with me."

Relenting, Angel stood up and crawled into bed next to his wife, careful to leave plenty of space between the two of them. ‘Keep minimum safe distance between yourself and the temptation,’ his mind told him. But he knew he’d be fighting his hormones every night until his mother left. "Thanks," he said.

"You know, I’m not a doctor, but I sensed a lot of tension down there earlier. What exactly happened between you and your mother?" Buffy wanted to know.

"It’s a long and complicated story. You don’t want to hear about it."

She placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. "I’m not going anywhere and believe me, I’m not tired. Spill it."

"You don’t need to hear about it."

"I’m your wife, even if only in name. Come on, Angel. It might help if you were to talk about it. Get it off your chest, so to speak."

"I have issues with my mother. She’s the reason my parents got divorced, the reason my father drank himself into an early grave, and the reason I never planned on ever getting married," he revealed. "Well, she’s part of the reason for that."

"Why?"

He took a deep breath. "She cheated on my father; she had a bevy of other lovers whom she didn’t even try to hide from us. I came home from my first day of school and found her having sex with the pool boy in the kitchen. How’s that for a wonderful childhood memory? Anyway, I saw what she did to my father and I vowed the day he died that I’d never let myself be treated like that. So, I decided to never get married. My mother is a cold, heartless bitch, Buffy. Enough said."

"I’m sorry. I didn’t realize."

"It’s not your fault. Not too many people know the real reason."

"But it’s just your mother, one woman. Not every woman out there is like her, Angel. There’s bound to be one out there somewhere who won’t treat you like she treated your father," Buffy reassured him.

‘That’s what I thought about Darla until she did it to me,’ he said to himself. He nodded his head in response to her comment. "It wasn’t until recently that I realized that."

"What made you change your mind about marriage?"

He planted a kiss on her cheek. "You did."

***

27

"Would you mind explaining to me why you felt the need to call my mother and inform her of my marriage?" Angel demanded to know. He had called his best friend in the morning and requested they meet for lunch at noon.

Spike took a swig of his beer, smiling to himself. ‘My plan is working perfectly. Angel’s mother will drive Buffy out of his house and into my arms. And I’ll finally have something Angel could never get.’ "What’s the big deal? She’s your mother, she had a right to know. Don’t you agree?"

"No, I don’t agree. You know quite well how much I despise my mother. That woman doesn’t need to know anything about my life. In fact, the less she knows, the better."

"Amelia is family, Angel. She bloody gave birth to you."

Angel scowled. "That may be true, but that does not make her my mother. She gave up those rights when she shipped me off to boarding school when I turned eight."

"So she’s concerned about you; she wants to make sure you’re happy. Can you begrudge her that?" Spike questioned.

He eyed the bleached-blonde carefully. He knew Spike well enough to know when he was up to something. "What’s in it for you, Spike? There’s no way you called my mother out of the kindness of your heart. Tell me."

"There’s nothing to tell," he lied. "Like I said, I thought she deserved to know her son got married. I still don’t understand why you’re so upset about it. She’d have found out eventually."

"Why am I upset? Because she took over my house! She walked through my front door and announced her intention of staying for an extended visit. In my bedroom. I had to sleep in Buffy’s room last night," Angel explained. "Do you know how uncomfortable that was?"

"I am sure it was so uncomfortable for you. Sharing a room – perhaps more – with your beautiful little wife. My heart bleeds for you, Angel."

Angel shook his head. "Why I expected sympathy from you, I have no idea."

"You’ve got it made, don’t you see that? This is your chance to boldly go where you haven’t gotten access to go before. What are you waiting for? Sleep with the damn girl and get it over with."

"You’re crude, you know that?"

"You used to be the exact same way, as I recall. Listen to me, you’ve been obsessing over her since you got married. Take what you want. It’ll get her out of your system." ‘He’ll never do it. Angel is too committed to his "no sex marriage" to ever sleep with Buffy.’

Once again, he shook his head. "Buffy and I have a deal. I’m not about to break it."

"Then why did you almost have sex with her on New Year’s Eve?" he asked with a smirk. "What’s changed? What was so different then?"

"She was drunk."

"But you weren’t. Think about what a load off your mind it would be. Everybody wins. Come on, Angel. Do it tonight, I dare you."

***

"How did you meet my son?" Mrs. McKenzie questioned her daughter-in-law.

"I needed a lawyer for my older sister, Angel spoke during one of my law classes last year, so I asked him to defend her," Buffy told her, keeping it as simple as possible. "Things snowballed from there."

She nodded. "I see. Don’t you think it’s a bit strange for a girl your age to be married to a man my son’s age?"

"Truthfully, I don’t seen anything wrong with it. If we love each other, what’s the problem?"

"No problem. It’s just that I happen to find it rather interesting my Angelus married you after knowing you for only a few days. Most people wait several months, or even a year. Why the rush to the altar?" Angel’s mother wanted to know.

"We didn’t want to wait. We knew the day we met that we were meant to be together. At least I did."

Mrs. McKenzie smiled knowingly. "I’m certain you did. Especially considering my son’s vast inheritance from my brother."

Buffy found herself appalled by the insinuation. "Let me get this straight. You think I married Angel for his money?"

"Why else would you have married him?" she asked. "By no means am I stupid. A pretty young girl with no money, no parents and a teenage sister to raise. What other reason could there be? My son always did have a fondness for blondes."

Buffy grabbed her crutches and stood up. She no longer could stand being verbally abused by Amelia McKenzie. "How would you know that? You don’t know anything about Angel, you sent him away to school in England before he was even ten years old. And you sure as hell don’t know me, so you’d better stop making false accusations before they come back and bite you in the ass."

"How dare you speak to me that way, you impudent child!"

"Go to hell," Buffy shot back as she left the room.

***

When Angel returned home at seven o’clock that evening, he found an angered Buffy sitting on the stairs waiting for him. "I’d ask you how your day was, but I think I already know the answer to that one. What happened with my mother?"

"Your mother, and I use the term loosely, is the she-devil incarnate," Buffy stated plainly.

"Okay, what did she do?" He took her hand in his, leading her into his study so they could talk in private.

She took a deep breath before beginning, also waiting until Angel closed their door, ensuring their privacy. "To keep it short and sweet, she called me a gold digger. Isn’t that nice of her? I’m surprised she didn’t add tramp to the list while she was at it. The woman was on a roll today."

"I’m sorry," Angel apologized. "My mother doesn’t know how to think before she speaks."

"Do I give off that aura or something? Do I look like an Anna Nicole Smith to you?" Buffy asked. "Because I never thought so."

"It’s not you, Buff, it’s her. And believe me, I know the real you, and in no way do you resemble a gold digging tramp. My mother’s a bitch, I told you that last night. If she can’t see what a wonderful person you are, then that’s her loss. Not yours. Just ignore her and maybe she’ll go away."

She smiled at his kind words. "Thank you. You’re always reassuring me, Angel. I don’t know what I’d do without you here to boost my self-esteem."

He cupped her face in his hands, touching his forehead to her. "The feeling is mutual."

Looking deep into her eyes, Angel felt his lips closing in on hers. It came as a complete surprise to both of them when neither pulled away when their lips met. Buffy’s hands gripped his broad shoulders for support while Angel’s left hand found its way to the back of her neck, bringing her closer to him. Their tongues massaged one another, and it took at least a minute for Angel to break the kiss. It was then that he realized what had happened.

"I don’t know why I did that. I’m sorry."

Buffy felt flush, her heart beat in her throat and the burning in her stomach seemed to move lower and lower with every touch. There was something about Angel’s kisses that had that affect on her. And she loved it. "Don’t. I know why you did it; you wanted to make me feel better. And it worked." ‘I wish…no, I hope that’s not the real reason. I hope it’s because you have feelings for me,’ she thought.

"Good. I’m glad. It won’t happen again." ‘Until the next time I can’t control myself. Why is it every time I’m alone with Buffy I want to kiss her?’ he asked himself.

"I don’t mind. I-I liked the kiss. You’re really good at it." ‘Amazing is more like it. How am I going to fall asleep tonight with him right next to me? All I’m going to be able to think about is how great a kisser he is. Maybe I should just take Faith’s advice and jump him. Nah. Then I’d be humiliated if he shot me down. Nope, I’ll just play it cool. One of these days, though…’

***

28

Two weeks later, Amelia McKenzie still hadn’t left Sunnydale, or Angel’s house. Her visit had been for an undisclosed amount of time, and every time Angel asked her when she intended on returning to New York, she always replied with "soon." But her continuous presence began to wear on Buffy’s nerves.

"Angel, I can’t take this anymore," she complained. "Your mother has to leave, and she has to do it soon. Either she goes or I go, you choose."

He sighed as he climbed into bed, pulling the covers over his chest. "There’s no choice. I would choose you over her any day of the week."

"Then what’s the problem? Why is she still around? She knows you don’t want her here, and Lord knows I sure as hell don’t. For the sake of my sanity, please make her leave."

"What is really bothering you?" Angel questioned. "Is my mother saying stuff to you that I should know about?"

"I just…what if she finds out the real reason we’re married? She could go straight to the lawyers handling your uncle’s will and tell them we only got married so you could get the inheritance. Then we’ve wasted almost a year of our lives in this phony marriage and she inherits everything."

"You’re overreacting."

Her eyes wide, Buffy stared hard at him. "Am I? The longer she stays here, the better the chance is of her finding out. Not to mention, she could only suspect it, start spreading it around and people will begin to wonder if there’s any truth to it. I don’t need people talking about me again."

"They won’t. Look, I’ll tell her in the morning that she has to leave. Will that make you feel better?" he wanted to know.

She nodded her head. "Yes, it would. Thank you."

"Good. Now go to sleep."

***

Soft lips caressing his neck woke Angel from a wonderful dream. In it, his mother left for good and Buffy told him she was sick of living in a marriage based on false pretenses. She wanted to make it work and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. It was a dream he wished every day would come true. He, too, was sick of pretending to not have feelings for her. He wanted to scream to the world that he loved Buffy Summers. But fear of rejection kept him from actually doing it.

With a moan, he turned over on his side, and felt tiny hands skimming along his muscular chest and arms. Angel didn’t dare open his eyes for fear of it being another one of his erotic fantasies about his wife. So he kept his eyes closed and left himself feel her touching him in his dream-like state.

Her scent was everywhere; her strawberry shampoo, bubble bath, hand lotion, body spray; it drove him nearly to the brink of insanity. It was a scent he loved and loathed at the same time; it represented the reality that his dream was so close, yet so far away. Buffy might only be inches away, but miles from his reach.

His left hand found the back of her head, tangling his fingers within the soft blonde tresses while his right hand clutched her silk pajama top, desperate for any kind of physical contact, real or not. He wanted to touch her, feel her, make her yearn for him the way he yearned for her. Her skin was silky and smooth and scalding hot to the touch as Angel tried to memorize every curve and crevice hidden beneath her top.

Hot lips kissed their way along his chest, a tongue swirled around his nipples while a set of hands moved lower, underneath the waistband of his boxer shorts. Angel, through his clouded desire, whispered Buffy’s name as she explored more of him. He didn’t know how much more he could take before exploding. No woman – not even Darla – made him burn with desire more than his young, inexperienced wife.

From inside the bathroom, Amelia McKenzie could hear the sounds of low moans coming from her son’s bedroom. Out of curiosity, she quietly opened the door to his room, seeing her son and daughter-in-law engaged in an intimate embrace, a tangle of limbs and murmured words of love. Before she could be found out, she closed the door and retired to bed.

***

"How dare you do this to your own mother!" Angel’s mother exclaimed in outrage the following morning. "I am a guest in your home, Angelus."

Angel raised his eyebrows. "You were never a guest here, sorry. That would mean I invited you here, which I never did. Since the day you got here, Mother, you have been nothing but trouble for me and my family. You’ve made my wife unhappy, and I won’t stand for it anymore."

"Didn’t you ever learn the saying ‘blood is thicker than water’?" she demanded. "I am your mother. I gave birth to you and provided for you and this is how you repay me? By shoving me aside for a blonde bimbo? That’s gratitude for you."

"Buffy is not a bimbo, so I suggest you choose your words more carefully next time," Angel warned, a threatening tone in his voice.

"Why is it that a man as intelligent as you are can’t see what she is truly like?" Amelia asked. "All you see when you look at your little Buffy is sweetness and light. But I see her true colors. Look at her a bit closer and you’ll find a woman only after one thing."

Angel smirked. "Is money all you care about?"

"She’s after yours. Maybe I’d be better off calling it Rupert’s hard-earned money. Go ahead, watch it disappear. It won’t be long before she bleeds you dry."

"Not that it’s any of your business, but Buffy and I have a pre-nuptial agreement," Angel informed his mother smugly.

She simply laughed. "I’m sure you do. But I would stake my life that she’ll get you to rip it up. Women like her do that."

"No, women like you do that," he accused. "Not get out of my house before I call the police and have you thrown out."

Amelia picked up her bags. "Very well, have it your way, Angelus. One thing I won’t mind leaving behind is the noise at night. It’s only proper manners to be quiet about your sex life, not make a show of it."

"What are you talking about?" Angel was clueless. ‘Last night was just a dream. Was I actually saying that stuff out loud? How embarrassing.’

"Don’t play coy with me. You and that girl were going at it like two horny teenagers last night It’s no wonder her sister sleeps on the other side of the house."

"You must be hearing things."

She shook her head in disagreement. "Afraid not, son. I saw you two with my own two eyes. Sick, really. Enjoy it while it lasts, because she’ll be gone soon. And then you won’t have anyone."

"Get out," he ordered. "And don’t come back."

"Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you."

Angel watched his mother walk down the driveway to the waiting cab he’d called to pick her up. As soon as it drove out of sight, he slammed the door behind him, turning around in time to see Buffy hobbling down the stairs. She looked at him expectantly.

"Is she gone?"

All he could think about when he looked at her was the dream he’d had the night before – the dream that turned out to be real. ‘Buffy really was kissing me and doing all those things. God, I was so close to being with her. I almost had my dream come true. If she hadn’t rested her head on my shoulder and fallen asleep, we might have had sex. Does she know that, or does she think it was a dream, too?’ he wondered.

"Angel?" she said when he didn’t reply.

"Yeah?"

"Did she leave?"

He nodded. "Gone for good." Taking a deep breath, he posed his next question carefully. "How did you sleep last night?"

"Like a baby. Had a very nice dream. Maybe sleeping next to you helps me sleep better. Too bad it’s over."

"Yeah, too bad." ‘Now we can’t finish where we left off last night.’

***

29

Inside her bedroom, Dawn fidgeted nervously. She was going on her first real date with a boy. She’d been invited to the Junior Prom by the boy she’d had a crush on since her freshman year. The school year flew by so quickly for her, Dawn could hardly believe it was May already, and that she’d been graduating from high school in little more than a year.

"Buffy, do I look all splotchy?" she asked her older sister.

Buffy, who had been sitting on Dawn’s bed, stood up and moved to stand next to her sister. "No, you’re not all splotchy. You look…great. Brian is going to flip when he sees you."

"I hope so. I’ve only been after him for two years. You know, I just can’t believe he asked me. Is that how you felt when Angel proposed to you? Shocked and amazed, I mean." Dawn pulled at the skirt of her long black dress, adjusting it around her hips.

"It was pretty amazing, I’ll grant you that." She paused for a brief moment. "I can’t believe my baby sister is going to her Junior Prom. I’m suddenly feeling very old."

"Oh please, you’re twenty-two. It’s not like you’re an old married woman. Well…"

"I know what you mean. It all seems like a lifetime ago. You going to your Prom is bringing back memories of high school for me. I’m getting nostalgic."

Dawn wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Maybe if you and Angel start working on a baby, in seventeen years or so you can go through this all over again with my little niece or nephew."

Buffy sighed and laughed. "Um, no. Angel and I have no plans for having children for quite a while. So you can forget about becoming Aunt Dawnie unless Faith is pregnant and I don’t know about it yet."

They heard the doorbell ring, announcing the arrival of Dawn’s date. The girl paled when she heard it, her heart pounding in her chest and her palms felt sweaty. "Buffy, he’s here. Oh god."

"So I hear. Finish getting ready and I’ll wait downstairs with him and Angel until you’re ready," Buffy told her.

"Okay."

Buffy descended the stairs in time to see Angel open the front door for Dawn’s date. On the other side of the door stood a blonde-haired boy clad in a black tuxedo and holding a red corsage. "You must be Brian," Angel greeted.

Brian nodded his head nervously at the older, taller man. "H-Hi, Sir. Yes, I’m Brian. Is Dawn ready yet?"

"Not yet," Buffy replied, making her way to the front door. "I’m her sister and this is my husband. Why don’t you have a seat on the couch while she finishes getting ready. It should only take her a few more minutes."

"Sure." He entered the house and sat down on the couch.

Angel and Buffy took a seat on the loveseat near the window. "Brian, what’s your last name?" Angel wanted to know.

"Cunningham. Brian Cunningham."

"You’re driving tonight, right?" Brian nodded. "What kind of car do you drive? Do you have insurance? How is your driving record? Do you have a criminal record I should know about?"

Putting her head in her hands, Buffy groaned. "Angel, you are embarrassing him. Can you please stop being a lawyer for five minutes?"

"It’s my job. Answer the questions, Brian."

He let out a nervous breath. "I drive a ninety-nine Ford Taurus, I have full coverage for my insurance and I have a clean driving record. No speeding tickets whatsoever. And, uh, what was the last question?"

"Criminal record?"

"Angel! Stop it!" Dawn cried from the top of the stairs. "Are you trying to humiliate me?"

All three stood up when she reached the bottom step. Brian’s face broke out in a delighted smile. "Dawn. Wow. You look really pretty tonight."

She grinned at the compliment. "Thank you. I’m ready to go. Can we go? Please?" she pleaded, desperate to get away from her brother-in-law’s probing questions.

"Yeah," her sister said.

Brian, too, was eager to leave. On their way out the door, he handed Dawn the corsage. "Here, this is for you."

"Thank you. It’s beautiful."

"You two have a good time tonight," Buffy said to them.

Angel headed for the door, watching them walk down the driveway to Brian’s car. "I know every cop in Sunnydale and a few in Los Angeles. Keep that in mind!"

Buffy came up behind him, punching him in the arm. "What is wrong with you? How come you’re acting like an overprotective father?"

He smiled devilishly. "Because it’s fun. I’ve been on the receiving end of many a father’s inquisitions. For once, I wanted to see what it felt like to give it. And you know what? The old saying is right, ‘tis better to give than to receive."

"You’re one sick man, Angelus McKenzie. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"I’ve heard it a few times. But coming from you, it actually means something," he told her. "Do you know what today is, Buffy?"

Thinking for a moment, she shook her head. "Not a clue. What’s so important about today?"

"Today is the halfway point. It is our year-and-a-half anniversary. Which means we only have another eighteen months of marriage. You and I are in the home stretch of our marriage."

"That’s right. I completely forgot about that. Can you believe how fast it’s gone by? We must be better actors than we thought, especially if everyone’s still buying it." She chuckled. "Dawn was asking me today when you and I were going to have a baby. I didn’t know what to say."

"I wonder what he or she would look like," he wondered out loud.

Buffy looked at him curiously. "Who?"

"Our baby. Perhaps I’m just getting sentimental, thinking about having children. Before you came along, I never once thought about the possibility of being a father. But now…who knows? I think maybe I’d make a good dad."

"What are you going to do, hire a surrogate mother, Mr. I-Don’t-Want-To-Get-Married?"

"No. I’d like to have children with the woman I love."

She lifted her eyebrows. "Darla?" She knew that Darla was the one woman her husband loved and lost.

He shook his head. "No. I don’t think I’ve found her yet."

***

"Mmm," Faith moaned, rubbing against Spike under the covers of her bed. "That was the most fun I’ve had in a long time."

"Even better than last night?" Spike asked.

"It certainly ranks up there. I can’t think of a better way to spend the late night hours. Better than working, that’s for sure. And chocolate." Faith ran her hand along her lover’s sculpted chest. "Poor B. She doesn’t know what she’s missing."

He narrowed his eyes at Faith’s comment. "What do you mean by that?"

"Just that sex is so enjoyable and my poor twenty-two year old sister hasn’t had the privilege of experiencing it yet."

"You mean Buffy’s a…"

"A virgin," she finished. "Yes. She’s waiting for Mr. Right to come along and sweep her off her feet."

Spike scoffed. "Faith, I find it that very hard to believe. There’s no way my best buddy is married to a virgin."

"Believe it."

"Does Angel know it?"

"I have no clue. Though I doubt my sister’s confided it in him."

"Well then, there’s no way Angel has been a celibate man for the last year and a half of his life. That boy doesn’t withhold satisfaction. If he ain’t getting it from your sister, he’s getting it somewhere else."

She kissed him. "Just don’t tell Buffy that. I have a feeling she’s falling for him."

"I won’t." ‘Not unless I get to her first. Time to put my plan into motion. I *will* have Buffy. And what a bonus that I’ll bed her before her own husband. I’ll get there first. I always hated sloppy seconds.’

***

30

With a tired yawn, Buffy walked down the stairs to the first floor. She had just woken up a few minutes earlier with a serious craving for a glass of chocolate milk. The sight she found in the living room surprised her – Angel sat on the couch, papers strewn across the coffee table and a cup of steaming hot coffee in the middle of all the mess.

"Angel, what are you doing down here?" she asked. "It’s two in the morning."

He glanced down at his watch. "Oh, I guess you’re right. Looks like I lost track of the time. I’ve been trying to focus on this new case I’ve got."

"Yeah, right. It’s not even a good lie. Just admit it, you’re down here waiting for Dawn to get home from her date."

Angel shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, so what if I am? Can’t I at least stay up until she gets home to make sure she’s all right?" he questioned.

Shaking her head, Buffy sighed heavily. "She has a two-thirty curfew on weekends, and not once has she broken it. Don’t you think she’s earned our trust?"

"I trust Dawn. It’s her boyfriend I don’t," stated Angel.

"I swear to god, Angel, if I didn’t know any better I would think you were her father, or her older brother. Dawn is almost eighteen years old and she’ll be going off to college in less than a year. And do I need to mention the fact that she and Brian have been dating for over six months? My father never acted like you are when I was her age."

"Buffy, I’m the closest thing Dawn has to a brother or a father. I happen to take my role as her brother-in-law very seriously. This may sound strange to you, but I like having someone to worry about."

She smiled. "Well, I agree with that, you *are* strange. But I love you anyway. And Dawn’s lucky to have you looking out for her. Too bad it’s only for another year. Less than that. Eleven months."

"Too bad. Although you make it sound like I’m going to completely sever all ties to her when we get divorced next November," Angel commented. "I’ve grown rather fond of her. And of her older sister."

"Faith?" Buffy teased. "I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear it."

"Her, too." He flashed her a wicked half-smile.

Just then, the front door opened and Dawn entered the house. She stopped when she saw her sister and brother-in-law sitting on the couch. It was evident to the seventeen-year-old that they were waiting up for her. "Were you guys spying on me?" she demanded.

"No, not at all," Buffy answered honestly. "Angel was working on his new case and I was thirsty."

But Dawn was unconvinced by her sister’s words. "Sure, at five after two in the morning. Just admit it, you waited up for me. Gee, I feel trusted."

"Dawn, I was the one waiting up for you, not Buffy," Angel explained. "She came down here a couple minutes ago for something to drink and laid into me for waiting up. So, if you’re going to yell at anyone, yell at me."

"You know, if I wasn’t so tired right now, I would. But I do want to say how much I don’t like being treated like an eight-year-old constantly. You won’t be able to babysit me when I go away to college. I hope you know that." Without bothering to wait for a reply, she headed upstairs, slamming her bedroom door shut.

Buffy turned to smirk at her husband. "That went well. Don’t you think?"

"Funny."

"I can just see you with your own kids. You’ll bolt the windows shut and lock all the doors when they’re teenagers. Have fun."

***

"Hey, Faith," Dawn started the next day at lunch. The two of them were at one of Sunnydale’s few restaurants enjoying a private meal. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Faith swallowed the french fries she was chewing on before answering. "I’ve got nothing to hide. What do you want to know?"

"Exactly how soon is ‘too soon’ to start sleeping with someone?" she wanted to know.

"Don’t you think this is a conversation you should be having with Buffy? She is your legal guardian and all that crap."

Dawn shook her head. "She’d never understand, not like you do. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Buffy is really prissy and uptight. A lot like Mom was. I can’t talk to her about sex. I don’t even think she and Angel do it anymore."

"What makes you think that?"

"I don’t know. Have you looked at Angel? The man gets better-looking with each passing day and Buffy barely touches him. If he were my husband, he’d be chained naked to the bed as my personal love slave."

The oldest Summers sister nearly choked on her sandwich. "Dawn! My god, you don’t have a crush on Angel, do you?"

"No. A long time ago I did, but I’m over it. It’s pretty clear to anyone who looks at him that he thinks the sun rises and sets on Buffy. But can we get back to my original question?"

"Sure." ‘It’s obvious to everyone except Buffy.’ "How soon is ‘too soon’? That depends on you and when you feel like you’re ready. For me, it was sixteen; for someone else, it might be twenty-four or twenty-five. Why? Are you and Brian…?"

Looking down, Dawn blushed. "We already did. Last night. In the backseat of his car. Needless to say, it wasn’t what I expected."

"Your first time never is. But it gets better, and *much* more enjoyable as time goes by. Trust me," Faith said.

"I hope so. I had to talk to someone about it and you were the first person I thought of. Buffy would probably have lectured me until I left for college and Angel would have killed Brian with his bare hands."

"Now there’s a fight I’d like to see. Angel versus Brian. Who’d win?" They both looked at each other and giggled. "Angel," they replied in unison.

As they were leaving the restaurant an hour later, Dawn turned to Faith. "Can you do me a favor? Promise you won’t tell Buffy about me and Brian. I don’t want to be grounded for the rest of my natural life."

‘Dawn lost it before Buffy did,’ Faith thought. ‘There’s a big shocker. One of these days, B is going to lose her inhibitions and just give in to temptation. Oh, to be a fly on the wall when that happens.’ "Your secret is safe with me."

***

Spike cradled the telephone in his left hand, holding it against his ear. "I need your help. If there’s any one person who can do this, it’s you."

"I don’t know, Spike," the woman on the other end of the phone remarked. "Angel made his feelings quite clear to me when he dumped me. Remember what happened?"

He sighed, recalling her torment. "That was four years ago. He’s a changed man…well, sort of. Angel may be married, but he’s still the same old Angel deep down. He loves a good screw. You want him back and he never could say no to a beautiful woman."

"I’ve always wanted him. Ever since we were children at boarding school. But I don’t understand. He’s your best friend, why do you want to break up his marriage?" she asked.

"This is a no-lose situation. You get Angel and I get his wife."

"What’s so special about Angel’s wife?"

Spike grinned, picturing Buffy in his mind. "I want her, simple as that. I want to steal from Angel the way he always stole from me. The woman he loves will choose me over him, that’s all I want; to have the one thing he doesn’t have with her. Now, are you in or are you out?"

After a brief pause, she made up her mind. "I’m in. I can be in Sunnydale the week after next."

***

31

Inside his hotel room, Spike paced back and forth anxiously. Things hadn’t been going his way recently, including a huge fight with Faith. Not that he really minded fighting with her; their relationship wasn’t all that important to him anyway. He wanted sex and she was more than willing to give it to him, but he was not about to commit himself to Faith when the person he really wanted was her sister. Once he got Buffy, Faith would be history.

He rushed to the door when he heard the knock he’d been waiting for. "It’s about bloody time you got here!" Spike complained when he opened the door for his visitor. "You were supposed to be in Sunnydale two weeks ago. What the hell took you so long?"

"I needed to tie up some loose ends in London before I left. I can’t exactly jump on a plane for the States at the drop of a hat the way you can," she stated.

"Sorry, Dru," he apologized. "I’ve been waiting for you to get here. I had to wait for you before I could put my plan in motion."

Drusilla Randolph sat down on the reclining chair on the other side of Spike’s room. "Tell me, Spike, what is your plan? And why am I so important to it?"

"*Our* plan," he clarified with a smirk playing upon his lips, "is to obtain what we both have wanted for a long time. You get Angel, the man you’ve been crazy about since you were seven years old. Pardon the pun, of course. And I want his wife. Well, to say I want to bed his wife is more appropriate."

"What makes you so certain it will work? Angel made his feelings for me quite clear, and I did not spend a year in the hospital getting healthy again to have him trample all over my heart once again," she told him.

"The last place I want to see you go is back in the sanitarium. This plan isn’t about love, Ducks. It’s about sex, control and domination. Don’t you want to get back at Angel for the way he so carelessly treated you? It’ll be the ultimate revenge. And when you have hurt him as much as he hurt you, he’ll go running to his precious Buffy, only to find her in my arms. Or more to the point, in my bed." He’d plotted it all perfectly.

But Drusilla wasn’t completely convinced it would work. Granted, she wanted to give Angel McKenzie a taste of his own medicine, but she found flaws in Spike’s plan. "I don’t know, Spike. What makes you think Angel will want anything to do with me? He didn’t care about me before, why should he care about me six years after the fact?"

"I know he felt bad about what happened to you; he hated seeing you in that dreary institution. Not to mention, Dru, but you’re a very beautiful woman, and Angel has got to be horny as hell. As a matter of fact, I *know* he is. The man hasn’t had sex in nearly three years, he told me so. He won’t be able to resist you."

"Okay, you lost me. Angel is married, but he hasn’t had sex in three years. That makes no sense whatsoever."

"It’s a marriage of convenience," Spike told her. "Angel’s uncle died in November of 2001, leaving him everything, under the stipulation that the eternal philanderer get married for no less than three years. So, Buffy needed a lawyer for Faith and Angel agreed to take her case if Buffy agreed to marry him for the three years. It was supposed to be in name-only, but it seems Angel isn’t pretending to love her anymore. He really does love her, even if he won’t admit it to himself."

Drusilla nodded her head in understanding. "I see. He loves her but she doesn’t love him back."

"No. According to her sister, Buffy’s secretly in love with him as well."

"I’m confused now. They love one another but the other doesn’t know it. Why won’t they just admit it and carry on with their happy marriage?" she wanted to know.

"Because they are as stubborn as two mules. Frankly, I don’t know nor do I care. All I care about is getting Buffy for myself."

"But why? That is what I find so perplexing about this whole plan of yours. Angel is your best friend, why do you want to steal from him the woman he loves?"

Spike stared at her with his mouth agape. "You attended school with us and you still have to ask why? From the time we were sixteen, every girl I wanted, Angel took for himself. They all looked at him as if he were some sort of god, while I was nothing in comparison. He’d charm them, bed them and discard them like yesterday’s trash. Every single girl I fell for, he always managed to get there first. I’m sick of getting stuck with his sloppy seconds. So now I’m going to take what he wants. I’ll bed his wife before he does."

"This is a vengeance gig for you," Drusilla deduced.

"You got it, Ducks. Now tell me, are you in or are you out?"

She didn’t need to think about it. "I’m in. It’s about time Angel pays for what he did to me."

***

Buffy walked down the hall to her sister’s bedroom, carrying a basket full of laundry for Dawn to put away. As she was about to knock on the door, the sound of her sister’s voice from inside the room stopped her.

"Last night was totally amazing, Katie," Dawn said into the telephone. "Brian picked me up at seven and we told Buffy we were going to a movie and then to the Bronze…Yeah, she believed me. It surprised me because I’m sure she told Mom and Dad the same thing when she was my age…Hey, whatever works. Anyway, we ended up at his house and he had a romantic dinner waiting for us. We ate, we danced and then we went up to his bedroom and did it…No his parents weren’t home! Do you think we’re stupid enough to have sex if his parents were in the house? No way!"

Hearing every word, Buffy almost dropped the laundry basket on the floor. As if in a trance, she went to her room. Her knees buckled under her and she fell to the floor next to the bed, her face burning from the hot tears welling in her eyes. ‘It’s not fair,’ she thought, dropping her forehead to her knees. ‘My little sister is having sex and I’m not. What’s wrong with me?’

From across the hall in his bedroom, Angel heard low cries coming from his wife’s room. Wondering what was the matter, he quickly made his way over, finding her on the ground with sobs wracking her body. "Buffy? What’s wrong? Did something happen?"

She lifted her head, barely making out his face through her tears. "Angel," she said before another plethora of tears took over.

"Tell me what happened. Are you okay?" He feared she might be sick or hurt but didn’t want to tell him. "I’m worried about you. Why are you crying?"

"What’s wrong with me?" she asked him.

Angel didn’t understand her question. "What’s wrong with you? What do you mean?"

"Am I so hideous that looking at me disgusts people? Why don’t men want to be with me? Am I unlovable?" Buffy wanted to know.

He sat down on the floor next to her. "You’re not hideous, Buffy. You are beautiful. And believe me, you are very lovable. A man would have to be blind and stupid not to want you. Not tell me what brought all this on."

Buffy sucked in a deep breath. "I-I overheard Dawn telling Katie on the phone that she and Brian…that they had sex. And I want to know why nobody wants to with me." ‘I can’t let Angel know I’ve never had sex. I’ll be completely humiliated.’

‘She feels jealous,’ he said to himself, remembering the slumber party she’d had a few years back, where he found out Buffy had been a virgin when they married. From her reaction, he gathered she still was. ‘It might hurt her even more if she finds out I know.’ "Because every man who lays eyes on you knows you’re my wife. They’re too afraid I’ll beat the crap out of them if they touch you."

"What about before you? They didn’t want me then, either."

"Then that’s their loss, not yours. Wanna know something? Over the last few years, I have really begun thinking of you as my wife, even if we’ve never actually consummated our marriage. And the thought of some guy touching you drives me crazy sometimes. But when I really think about it, I can’t blame him for wanting to be with you. You’re everything any sane man would want."

Buffy smiled sadly, sniffling. "You’re only saying that to make me feel better."

He shook his head. "No, I’m not. You’re a wonderful person, Buffy. And someday, you’re going to make some man very happy. Then I’ll be able to say he’s as lucky as I’ve been for the past two years."

"Do you think there’s somebody out there for everyone?" she questioned, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Yeah, now I do. If you’d asked me that same question a few years ago, I would have given you a different answer. Maybe I’m less jaded these days. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, Buffy. Does that make you feel a little better?"

"A little. Thank you."

"No, thank *you* for making me less jaded. And don’t worry about Dawn. Or yourself. I’ll be watching out for both of you for a very long time."

"You mean that?"

Angel nodded his head sincerely. "Yes, I do. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. You can think of me as your big brother, if you like. Any man who wants to be with you will have to go through me first." Only he hoped she didn’t think of him as a big brother. Because he didn’t think of her as a sister. He never could.

***

32

When Dawn came downstairs for breakfast the next morning, she found her older sister sitting at the table waiting for her. "You’re up early for a Sunday," she commented. "What, are you going shopping with Willow and Cordelia?"

"No. I got up early so I could talk to you about something important." Buffy motioned to the chair across the table from her. "Sit down, Dawn."

With raised eyebrows, the seventeen year old took a seat. "Okay, what’s with the dire? You’ve got the same look on your face Mom and Dad used to have whenever they were about to lecture one of us." She paused, realizing what was going on. "I get it, I’m about to get lectured. What did I do?"

"I thought we agreed in the beginning that we wouldn’t keep secrets from each other. That we’d be open and honest," Buffy said.

"We did. What’s all this about? I’m not keeping any secrets from you, Buffy. If you want to know something, just ask."

She took a sip of her orange juice. "Fine. Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been having sex with Brian?"

Dawn didn’t say anything for a long time. So many emotions were coursing through her body: hurt, fear, betrayal and finally anger. "How did you find out?" she demanded.

"That’s not important, what is–"

"I think it is important! Did Faith tell you? She swore on her life she wouldn’t."

‘Faith knows about it?’ "She didn’t tell me. I overheard you talking on the phone last night. Your door was opened a crack and I was walking down the hallway," Buffy explained.

"So you were eavesdropping on my private conversation. Does that make it all right?"

She sighed. Talking to her younger sister was going to be harder than she originally anticipated. "Look, all I want to do is talk to you, not give you the same lecture Mom and Dad gave me and Faith."

"No. You wanna tell me I made a huge mistake and that I should have waited until I got married like you did. Sorry if I’m not perfect like you are, Buffy. I guess I just don’t have your willpower. But I love Brian and he loves me, but I suppose that doesn’t matter to you. I told Faith you wouldn’t understand and I was right. I wasn’t keeping a secret from you, you just would never understand what I’m going through. And don’t try to tell me you haven’t been keeping secrets from me, I know you are." She got up from the table and stalked out of the room.

Five minutes later when Angel entered the kitchen, Buffy sat in the same spot, staring at the chair Dawn had vacated. "I’m assuming your talk with Dawn didn’t go too well," he assumed.

"That’s the understatement of the century. She thought I heard it from Faith, which means Faith knows about it. Which is to say Dawn feels more comfortable talking to Faith than me. Do you know how much that hurts me?" Buffy asked.

"I’m guessing it hurts you a lot," he surmised. "How about I talk to Dawn? Give her a guy’s perspective on sex rather than a lecture from her older sister. She might respond better to that."

Buffy shook her head. "You don’t have to. Dawn is my responsibility, not yours."

"Can I at least try?"

"Go ahead, give it a whirl. But if she didn’t listen to me, I doubt she’ll listen to you, Angel."

***

Angel tentatively knocked on his sister-in-law’s bedroom door. "Dawn, it’s Angel! Can I come in for a minute?" he asked over the loud rock music coming from inside.

The music muted and the door opened slowly. "Depends," she started. "Am I going to get a lecture?"

"No. I didn’t come up here to say how wrong it was or whatever you might be expecting me to say. I just want to talk to you."

She opened the door all the way, allowing him to step inside. "Buffy didn’t send you, did she?"

He shook his head in response. "No. She actually thought it would be a bad idea, but I chose to ignore her. I thought you might want somebody to talk to, or would like to hear a man’s point of view about sex."

"What do you know about it?"

"About sex? A lot. Look, I just want to be here for you. If you have any questions, I could answer them for you. Or I could offer my experience."

"Experience?" Dawn asked incredulously.

Angel couldn’t help but smile. "Yes, experience. I was once a seventeen-year-old boy, you know. I know what goes through their minds when they’re around a pretty girl. Self-control stops being an issue after a while."

"I love Brian. He loves me. What’s the big deal?"

"Buffy and I don’t want to see you get hurt. Come on, Dawn, you’re like my little sister; I have to look out for you," Angel told her. "Why don’t you want to talk to Buffy about it? It hurt her knowing that you didn’t come to her first."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn’t think she’d understand the way Faith would. She’s got all kinds of experience with that kind of stuff and Buffy doesn’t. I can’t talk to her about love and lust and sex because she never went through what I’m going through. Buffy has always known what she wanted and then went after it. She believes in waiting for Mr. Right, and that’s exactly what she did; she waited for you. Buffy may have saved herself for her true love but I can’t."

"You don’t think Brian is your true love?"

"I don’t know. I love him and I’ve wanted to be with him since I was fourteen, but I don’t think I can see myself growing old with him. That’s who I imagined my true love to be – a man I could grow old with." She slumped down on her bed. "Now I feel like I made a huge mistake."

Angel sat next to her. ‘Good Lord, when did I become Dr. Ruth? I’m giving love and sex advice to a teenager. What’s happened to me?’ "You may not like what I’m about to say, but just listen to me. You can’t change what you’ve done; you slept with Brian and now you’re thinking it might be a mistake because you’re afraid he might not be your true love. I say, so what? Do you have any idea how many women I slept with before I met your sister? Far more than I can count."

Dawn looked down, a small smile on her lips. "Yeah, I gathered that. You didn’t strike me as the type of guy who waited until marriage."

"You want to know something? Most guys are the exact same way. Buffy isn’t expecting you to wait for Mr. Right, or for marriage like she did. But she knows that you’re not her. And she doesn’t want you to make the same choices she did. You’re allowed to live your own life. Maybe she wishes she were a part of it. But neither of us want to see you get hurt by some guy who’s only out for a good time. There are plenty of guys out there like that and it could lead to a lifetime of consequences for you to deal with."

"I guess I understand that. Do you regret the way you were before you and Buffy got married?" Dawn wanted to know.

"No. I think I had to be a total louse to see how wonderful Buffy is. It took me close to thirty-one years to fall in love, it’s not going to happen to you overnight."

"Are you going to kill Brian now?" she asked, worried.

Angel snorted. "When Buffy told me last night, I gave it serious consideration. But I think I’ll wait and see how things turn out first. He’s safe. For now."

***

"Mr. McKenzie, there’s a young woman out here to see you. And she doesn’t have an appointment," Jenny announced over Angel’s intercom Monday morning. It never ceased to annoy her when somebody showed up expecting to see her boss without an appointment.

He knit his eyebrows together, curious as to who it might be. "It isn’t Faith or Dawn, is it?" he asked his secretary.

"Unfortunately not. I’ve never seen this one before."

"Let her in."

The door opened a moment later, and Angel was face-to-face with a blast from his past. "Drusilla," he gasped, totally surprised to see her. "What are you doing here?"

Drusilla removed her long coat, placing it on the leather couch in the office. Her long, dark hair swept across her almost-bare shoulders in waves, a tight red sundress accentuated her curves. ‘Still as devilishly handsome as ever,’ she thought. "Hello, my Angel. Aren’t you pleased to see an old friend?"

"Of course." Angel blinked in astonishment. Drusilla Randolph was the last person he’d expected to find in his office. "I thought you were in London."

"I was. I’m working as a clothing designer and I’m in Sunnydale searching for inspiration. Having spent so much time away, I’d forgotten how beautiful it is here. In fact, I ran into Spike Saturday evening."

"Oh."

"I wanted to come see you. Don’t worry, I’m not going into Fatal Attraction mode this time around; a year in the hospital cured me of that. I hear you are married," she stated.

Angel nodded his head. "Yes. Happily married for a little over two years. Her name is Buffy."

She walked around to his desk, picking up a picture of Angel and a pretty blonde she didn’t recognize. ‘This must be the infamous Buffy,’ Drusilla said to herself. ‘I can see why Spike is so smitten with her.’ "Is this her?" she questioned, pointing to her.

"That’s my Buffy."

The look of adoration on Angel’s face didn’t escape her attention. She could see how in love with Buffy he was. "She is very pretty."

"That she is." He took a deep breath, searching for the right words. "Dru, I owe you an apology for what happened before. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did. It was heartless and cruel."

"You don’t owe me anything. All I want to do is put the past in the past and bury it. We can start with a clean slate, as friends. Maybe we can even have dinner together sometime before I leave."

"I can do that. Friends."

‘This is going to be easier than I thought. One night with me and Angel will be asking "Buffy who?"’

***

33

Two months later in late March, Buffy, Willow, Cordelia and Faith sat around Buffy’s kitchen table plying catch-up. They’d been there for an hour and Faith had not said much of anything since she had arrived. Her silence was beginning to unnerve Buffy, who feared something was wrong with her adopted sister.

"Faith? Are you okay?" she asked. "You’ve been really quiet ever since you got here."

With a frown, Faith shook her head. "Not really, but I’ll be fine. I don’t mean to bring you guys down."

"What happened?" Willow wanted to know. She and Faith hadn’t been the best of friends when they were growing up, but she didn’t like seeing anyone upset.

"Spike and I broke up yesterday. Well actually, I broke up with him."

"How come?"

Faith sighed heavily. "I got sick of it. All he ever wanted to do was have sex, have sex and have more sex. I’m twenty-five years old, I think I’m past that stage in my life. So I gave him an ultimatum: either give me a commitment or I’m gone. He didn’t answer, so I kicked him out of the house and told him never to come back."

"Oh, Faith, I’m so sorry," her younger sister apologized.

"Don’t be, it’s not your fault Spike is scum. I’ve had more than my fair share of crummy relationships, beginning long before Parker. I want a real relationship, like the one you have with Angel, Buffy. I want a man who loves me, a happy marriage and lots of kids. Okay, maybe one or two, not a truckload."

Cordelia was impressed. "Gotta hand it to you, Faith. Finally giving the bleached-blonde prick the old heave-ho. It’s about damn time."

"I agree," Willow told her. "He always scared me a little bit. Sorry, Buffy. I know he’s your husband’s best friend."

"Don’t be. He scares me, too, sometimes."

"You know," Faith began, "I’m sick of getting screwed around by guys. You three are lucky, you’ve go great guys who love you. Now I want that."

"You will. You just have to meet the right guy."

The front door slammed shut, and the four young women looked up when Dawn came running into the kitchen, clutching a large square envelope. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" she shouted. "I can’t believe it!"

"Can’t believe what?" Buffy questioned the teenager.

"I got in!" She handed Buffy the envelope.

She read over the contents. "Oh my…congratulations, Dawnie! You got accepted to NYU, that’s great news! You’ve wanted to go there since you were a little girl."

"I’m so happy. I finally get out of Sunnydale. Do you have any idea how excited I am about this?"

Buffy smiled, genuinely happy for her sister. "I think I have an inkling."

"Congrats, Dawn," Willow told her. "That’s no easy feat."

"Way to go," added Cordelia.

"Just remember us little people when you’re a big star on Broadway," teased Faith.

Dawn turned to Buffy. "Can I call Angel at the office and tell him the good news?" she asked.

"I think he’s busy with meetings all day and he’s having dinner with a friend later. How about we just surprise him with a chocolate cake later on when he gets back?" she suggested.

"Works for me. I’m going to call Katie and tell her the good news. She’s going to be so jealous when she finds out." Dawn left the room to call her best friend.

***

Drusilla kept her smile hidden from view as she unlocked her hotel room door. She didn’t want Angel to get suspicious; after all, they were only friends. ‘But after tonight we won’t be,’ she thought. "Dinner was magnificent, Angel," she complimented. "You always did have exquisite taste in restaurants."

"Thank you. Although it was eclipsed by the company I kept."

Drusilla flashed him a sly smile. "You always were charming. It’s good to know that some things will never change."

"No, they do. You just have to look underneath the surface."

‘Which is precisely what I am planning to do tonight. Find out what’s new and improved under *your* surface.’ "Would you like something to drink? My boss sent over a bottle of scotch to celebrate my new designs. She loved them."

Angel thought it over for a moment or two. "I’d love to. But only for one drink."

They entered the room and Drusilla poured them each a glass of scotch while Angel sat down on the edge of the bed. She handed it to him and sat down to his left, leaving less than an inch of room between them. "How about a toast? To new old friends."

Angel lifted his glass, clinking it against hers. "To new old friends."

Each of them took a sip, Drusilla placed her glass on the bedside table and turned to her guest. ‘It’s now or never, Dru,’ she told herself. ‘Time to do it.’ "Are you happy, Angel?" she asked him. "With your life the way it is now?"

"I guess so."

She raised her eyebrows. "You guess?"

"Yeah."

"Something’s missing, I assume. A happily married man wouldn’t look as sad as you do if everything was perfect in his life." She touched his face gently. "You are missing something. I can tell."

Angel never even had a chance to reply; Drusilla turned his face in her direction and pressed her lips to his. The move shocked him, but he didn’t pull away. It had been so long since he’d been kissed by a woman and he just couldn’t stop himself from responding to her. Even though it wasn’t the woman he wanted to kiss.

Drusilla, however, couldn’t have been more pleased. Things were working out the way she and Spike had planned. It had taken her two months, but she finally had Angel where she wanted him. She felt his hands unzipping her dress and knew she had won. After six years, she would finally have her revenge against him – bed him and dump him the way he had her. And when he tried to turn to his young wife, Angel would find her in the arms of his best friend. It was perfect. So she began unbuttoning his white dress shirt.

Angel couldn’t seem to stop himself from undressing her. It had been far too long since he’d had sex and he wanted nothing more than to ease the unbearable ache between his legs. For the duration of his marriage to Buffy, he remained faithful to her. He could never betray her like that, but he just couldn’t stop the need. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Drusilla again, or Buffy for that matter, but the temptation proved too great. He needed physical contact.

"Angel…" a soft voice called.

He ignored it, thinking it was in his imagination, because it wasn’t Drusilla’s voice. It couldn’t possibly be, she was too busy kissing him. Then he heard it again. "Angel…"

Opening his eyes, he saw Buffy standing behind Drusilla. She was dressed in a flowing white dress with baby’s breath in her long blonde hair, a sad look upon her face. "Please don’t do this, Angel. If you sleep with Drusilla, I’ll never be able to forgive you for it. I love you. And if you love me back, you won’t betray me like this."

He blinked his eyes but when he focused them on where she had been standing, Buffy was gone. Angel regained his composure and jumped up from the bed, leaving a stunned Drusilla looking up at him. "Angel? What’s wrong?"

Quickly, he buttoned his shirt and stared at the beautiful brunette clad only in a black lace bra and matching underwear. Her dress had been discarded on the floor near her feet. "I-I can’t do this, Dru. I’m sorry."

"I don’t get it. You still want me, I can feel it." She lowered her gaze to his groin. "I can even see it. Just take what you want."

He vehemently shook his head. "No. I love…I love my wife." ‘Oh my god, I said it. I told someone that I love Buffy. Out loud.’ The admission took him by surprise. And he ran out of the room.

Drusilla stared angrily at the door after he exited. "I’ll get you back, Angel McKenzie. Spike will have his revenge and through him, I’ll get mine. And I hope you’ll be as miserable as I am."

***

Twenty minutes after he had left Drusilla’s hotel room, he returned to his house, coming in through the back door from the garage. Buffy heard him enter and then noticed how upset he looked. Something had happened to him, leaving her concerned as to his emotional state of mind. He had been out with Drusilla and she assumed something went down between them. "Angel?" she called as he walked past her through the kitchen. "Is something wrong?"

He stopped when he heard her voice and turned to look at her. The sight of her made his heart pound. All he could think about when he saw her was the apparition in Drusilla’s hotel room, begging him not to make love to the other woman. And his admission of love. "H-Hi," he stuttered.

"You look frazzled. Did something happen?"

"No! I’m fine." He saw the bowl sitting on the counter. "What are you making?" Angel asked, changing the subject.

She smiled. "Chocolate cake. We were going to have it tonight when you got home from dinner with your friend Drusilla, but you’re home awfully early. Dawn got her acceptance letter from NYU today."

"That’s terrific news." He reached over to stick his finger in the batter for a taste. Buffy slapped his hand after he’d scooped a good amount on his pointer finger. "Hey!"

"Don’t do that!" she chastised. "There are raw eggs in there."

He tasted the batter. "Very good." He stuck his finger in the chocolate mixture again and spread it over her lips. "Here, try some."

"Yuck. No thanks. I don’t eat raw cake batter."

She began to wipe it off but Angel stopped her. Rather than rub the batter off, he pressed his lips against hers in a sweet kiss, kissing a licking it off of her. Buffy didn’t try to stop him, although she wondered what brought it on, although asking him the reason was the last thing on her mind as his tongue probed the inside of her mouth. She held him tightly, fearing she’d lose her balance as the kiss deepened. The kiss had to end sometime and she feared it would end too soon. His kisses were addictive.

Angel wanted to carry her up to his room and show her his true feelings. But he knew doing that might cost him everything he wanted. There was no way he’d be able to stand her rejection, so he needed to woo her; show her the man he could be rather than the man he used to be. He knew it would take time to prove to her that she changed him for the better.

When they ended their kiss, Buffy needed time to catch her breath. "Wow. What was that for?"

"I don’t know. I just felt like doing it. I hope I didn’t upset you by kissing you like that," Angel told her. "But I don’t regret doing it."

Buffy shook her head. "I don’t regret it either. And it’s okay, I didn’t mind at all. It actually…it was nice. All your kisses have been nice."

"They have?"

"Yeah."

Angel bit his lip, fearing he’d kiss her again and not be able to stop. "I’m, uh, going to congratulate Dawn on her acceptance," he said. "And take a shower." ‘A long, cold one.’

As he walked through the living room, Angel sighed. Admitting to himself that he loved Buffy was one thing, admitting it to her was something completely different. And he needed more time to win her love in return.

***

34

"Where are you going?" Buffy wanted to know when she saw Angel putting on his coat. "I thought we were going out for our anniversary dinner."

"We are. But I have to go to the office for a few hours and go over a few things. I’ll be home in plenty of time for dinner. Trust me, I have no intention of missing it."

"Okay. You had better be home in time. I bought a new dress and I’m dying to wear it out. Not to mention, we have some serious talking to do. Today’s the deadline," she reminded him.

Angel nodded his head in agreement. "I know very well what today is; our three-year wedding anniversary. And I totally agree, you and I need to talk about it tonight."

Tonight was the night for Angel; after spending close to eight months keeping his love for Buffy a secret, he would tell her over dinner. He became a changed man the night he’d almost slept with Drusilla, instead of trying to fight his feelings for his wife, Angel accepted them. He did his best to show her in subtle ways, such as romantic dinners, long walks and the occasional kiss. But if Buffy suspected his motives, she kept it to herself.

"Big decisions to make tonight," Buffy commented.

"Exactly." ‘More than you know, Buffy. More than you could possibly know.’ "I promise I won’t be long. Have fun without me all by your lonesome in this big house."

Buffy laughed. "Gee, I think I can manage without you somehow. Dawn’s been away at school for three months now. I’m getting used to the quiet."

Once he left for the office, she went up to her room to watch television. She was excited about dinner; she couldn’t wait to have her talk with Angel. Whatever the evening held for them, Buffy counted on it being a night neither of them would ever forget.

At three in the afternoon, while she was watching General Hospital, Buffy heard the front door close. ‘Wow, Angel’s home early. I thought he’d be out until at least five,’ she thought. "Angel?" she called. "You’re back early."

A figure stood in the doorway. "Sorry, pet. It’s not Angel."

***

Sitting at his desk, Angel was unable to concentrate on his work. All he could think about was Buffy and the romantic dinner he had planned for them. Seven o’clock seemed like years away rather than four hours from that moment. The reservations he made at La Rouge had been secured back in July. The events of their dinner would change his life forever – either for the better or for the worse.

Opening his top desk drawer, Angel pulled out a black velvet box and slowly removed the top. Inside sat a one-and-a-half carat diamond ring in an oval shape set in gold. He sighed at it, imagining his wife’s face when he gave it to her.

// "Buffy, I have to tell you something."

She gazed curiously at him. She assumed he wanted to talk about the dissolution of their three year marriage. "Okay. I’m listening."

Angel took a deep breath. "These past three years…they have been the happiest of my life. After Darla cheated on me and broke my heart, I thought I’d never find a woman I could love the way I loved her. But I was wrong, dead wrong. Because you walked through my office door and I was gone. Buffy, I loved you the moment I saw you. I’m *in* love with you. And I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without you in it."

He pulled the box containing the diamond engagement ring out of his coat pocket. "I’m sick of living this sham of a marriage. I want you to be my wife, Buffy. Will you marry me for real this time?"

Seeing the ring glinting in the candlelight, Buffy couldn’t seem to catch her breath. "Y-You want to marry me?"

He nodded. "Yes. A real wedding; in a church in front of our friends and family. No one will have to be any the wiser. We can tell them we want to renew our vows in a church wedding. Well?"

"Yes," she replied, thrusting her left hand toward him so he could place the ring on her finger. "Yes, I want to marry you." \\

The fantasy brought a smile to his face. He stacked his papers into a neat pile and locked them inside his desk before leaving to go home. All he wanted to do was see Buffy.

***

Buffy looked up, seeing Spike standing just inside her bedroom. He wore a vicious smile on his face that frightened her. It was then that she wished Angel was home. "Hi, Spike. Angel’s at the office, he should be home at five. I’ll let him know you stopped by to see him, though," she said, hoping he’d leave when he found out his friend wasn’t home.

"That’s okay. I’m not here to see Angel," he told her. "I came for you."

She raised her eyebrows. "Me? What for?"

He approached her slowly, like a stalking predator to its prey. "Don’t play coy with me, Buffy. You know why I am here."

"No, I don’t."

"Please. You know what I want. You and me, we’ve been dancing around each other for years now. And I’m here to get what you’ve been teasing me with since the day we met."

"I don’t get it, Spike. Cut to the point. What are you really here?" she demanded. His demeanor was really beginning to scare her.

Spike moved even closer to her, causing Buffy to back away from him. When her back was pressed against the wall, she knew she was trapped. "You need me to spell it out for you? I want *you,* Buffy. And I’m here to collect."

"Get away from me."

"No."

"I’ll call Angel."

"You won’t make to the phone and he wouldn’t be able to get here in time anyway," Spike drawled, chilling her heart.

Placing an arm on either side of her body, Spike caged her in, pushing his lips to hers. Buffy shook her head from side to side, trying to keep his lips off of her but it didn’t work. He lifted his right hand and slapped it across her cheek, making her head snap to the right. Then he held her head in place before forcing his tongue inside her mouth. It probed and poked and prodded, not at all like Angel’s kisses. Buffy knew that if she didn’t do something soon, Spike would rape her.

Using all her strength, Buffy raised her knee, connecting it with her would-be attacker’s groin. He roared in pain, letting go of her and falling to the ground. Buffy used the opportunity to try to run into the bathroom. There she could lock herself in until Angel got home. As she made her way around Spike’s fallen body, he grabbed her legs, causing her to fall to the ground face-first.

He turned her over and straddled his best friend’s wife. "You fucking bitch!" Spike swore. ‘How dare she fight me!’ With all of his anger, he fisted his hand and connected it with her eye. He smiled when Buffy cried out from the shear force of his punch.

"You’ll pay for that," he warned.

Spike gripped her neck with his left hand and began unbuttoning her pants with his right one. She tried to kick him, but her legs were trapped under his. It was a futile attempt at escape which she knew wouldn’t work; neither would her cries for him to stop. There was no way the neighbors would hear her, and Angel wouldn’t return for hours. Buffy couldn’t get away, and she began to prepare for the worst.

"Stop it!" she screamed as loud as she could, hoping against all hope that he might listen to her pleas.

Angel walked through the front door in time to hear his wife cry out. Not wasting a second, he bolted up the stairs to her bedroom. The sight before him shocked him beyond belief: his best friend forcing himself on his wife, his hand pushing down her black pants while she struggled beneath him. Buffy’s face had turned a bright shade of red from the lack of oxygen. With both fear and anger gripping his heart, Angel ran to the two.

"Get off of her!" Angel shouted, grabbing Spike by the neck and wrenching him off his wife. Spike toppled backward from the force. "What the hell do you think you’re doing?"

"Just taking what I rightfully deserve," Spike growled.

Angel took his arm and dragged him out of the room, down the stairs and toward the front door. "You don’t deserve anything from her."

"You don’t think so, huh? Your bloody wife has been flaunting her goodies in front of me for years and I finally came to collect. She was just playing hard to get. What the hell are you getting so bent out of shape about? You sure as hell aren’t fucking her, so why shouldn’t I?"

"You have a warped sense of reality, Spike. You tried to rape my wife! There’s no way you can justify that."

Spike whipped around, his anger finally boiling over after nearly twenty years. It was time to lay all the cards on the table. "How about you owe me!? I spent years screwing women you’ve already had. I’m sick of it. For once, I want to get there first. I’m bloody tired of being second behind you. Every woman I’ve cared about has already been with you. You know what? It’s time for a little payback. I’ll take the woman *you* want. It would have been perfect if you’d just had sex with Dru again like she and I planned. But noooo…you had to go all noble on us. Ruined my plans for getting Buffy in bed the old-fashioned way."

"And you feel that gives you the right to rape my wife?" Angel yelled.

"It’ll be a first time she’ll never forget," gloated Spike. "Too bad you interrupted it."

"Get out. And don’t you ever even think about coming back. You’re not welcome here anymore. Come near my family again and I’ll kill you," he threatened before pushing Spike out of the door and slamming it shut behind him.

When he returned to Buffy’s bedroom, he found her sitting on the floor, clutching her legs to her chest. "He’s gone now, Buffy. And he won’t hurt you again. Are you okay?"

"He tried to…" She couldn’t finish the sentence. Thinking about it made her want to cry even harder.

"Yeah, I know he did." Angel lifted her head so he could look her in the eyes. He saw the black eye she now sported courtesy of Spike’s punch. "Oh god, Buff. He really did hurt you. I’m so sorry he did this to you. Nobody deserves that, especially not you."

"I don’t understand. I didn’t do anything to make him attack me. I swear I didn’t."

He nodded in understanding. "I know you didn’t. How do you feel?" He didn’t know how to deal with her. And Angel hated not knowing what to do.

Her lower lip trembled and tears streamed down her cheeks. "He tried to rape me, Angel. He really hurt me."

Angel took her in his arms, letting her cry on his shoulder. "I know he did. Just let it out, Buffy. Cry if you need to. I’ll be right here."

***

35

"Buffy, I think it would be a good idea if we call the police about what happened here tonight," Angel suggested, still trying to console his crying wife.

She lifted her head from his shoulders, tears evident in her eyes. "No. I’m not going to the police. No way, no how."

"It’s the only way to make him pay for what he did to you. They can bring him up on charges of assault and attempted rape. I have friends in the D.A.’s office who can make the charges stick to him like super glue."

"I said no, Angel. I don’t care if he pays for it, I just want to forget it ever happened. Can’t I just do that?"

He gazed into her eyes, seeing the determination in her green orbs. Obviously, there would be no changing her mind. "If you’re sure this is what you want."

"Yeah, I’m sure."

"Okay. But if you change your mind…"

"I won’t."

An awkward silence followed. Angel didn’t quite know what he had to do or what Buffy needed from him. He hated feeling so helpless. But when he saw how black and blue her eye was becoming, he finally knew what needed to be done. "Your eye, Buffy…you need ice on it."

"Is it bad?"

"Well, it’s gonna be a pretty nasty shade of black and blue. Come on, let’s go down to the kitchen and ice it to keep the swelling down."

Buffy bit her lip. "I can’t. I can’t feel my legs, I don’t think I can walk without falling down flat on my face."

She was still in shock, that Angel knew for certain. So he stood up and scooped her into his arms, carrying her down the stairs to the kitchen. He placed her on the counter next to the refrigerator. She sat saying nothing while he was placing ice cubes in a cloth.

"This may sting a little bit," he warned her.

Buffy nodded, and winced when the cold cloth came in contact with her tender skin. She whimpered in pain, so Angel smoothed her hair with his free hand in a show of comfort. He felt so bad for her, he wished he could take her pain away. To him, there was nothing worse than seeing the woman he loved in pain. "Sorry," Angel apologized. "I told you it would hurt a little."

"You sound like you talk from experience."

Angel smirked slyly. "Just a little bit. I wasn’t the most well-behaved child in boarding school and I ended up in a lot of fights. A black eye was pretty much a given once a month. As soon as one healed, I’d have another one."

"Wild child?" she asked with a smile on her face, glad he was able to take her mind off of her attack.

"Try a holy terror. The nuns thought I was Satan’s spawn." He could see a red mark forming on her other cheek and the outline of Spike’s fingers on her thin neck. "God, Buffy, he really did a number on you, didn’t he? Bastard."

Looking down in embarrassment, she nodded slowly. "Yeah. I don’t understand why he did this to me. Why, Angel? I didn’t do anything to give him the wrong idea. I know I didn’t."

"You didn’t do anything wrong. This wasn’t about you, it was about me. Spike wanted revenge against me for something that happened to him years ago that he thought was my fault. And he took it out on you, knowing that by hurting you, he’d hurt me, too."

Buffy didn’t understand. "What did you do to him? Or what does he think you did?"

"It’s not important; it’s stupid actually. Let’s just say Spike isn’t the best friend I always thought he was. I’m not making light of what he did to you because it was horrible and unnecessary. He knows how important you are to me and got back at me through you. I’m sorry you were dragged into it the way you were. The last thing I ever wanted was for you to get hurt."

"I don’t blame you for this. I just…I don’t know. What I do know is that if you hadn’t gotten home when you did, Spike would have–"

Angel put his fingers over Buffy’s lips to quiet her. "Don’t even think about it. He didn’t go through with it, just leave it at that. Spike is gone; out of our lives for good. I want you to forget this ever happened."

"I don’t know if I can. I’m scared, I don’t feel safe in my own home anymore."

"You won’t be alone, Buffy. I’m going to take off work tomorrow and you and I are gonna spend the day together. And I am canceling our dinner plans for tonight. Wanna order a pizza?" he wanted to know.

"I’m sorry for ruining our plans for tonight. I know how important this dinner was going to be. We were going to talk about the future."

He solemnly nodded, thinking about the ring sitting inside his coat pocket. "Yeah, we were. But it can wait until you’re feeling up to it."

"Sure. As long as you don’t mind."

"You’re much more important to me right now. Happy not-so-happy Anniversary, Buffy." "Same to you."

***

The two of them spent the rest of the night sitting on the couch, Buffy curled up in Angel’s embrace. She felt safe with him there, as if nothing could hurt her when his arms were around her. After the attack that afternoon, she found herself wondering how she’d get by without him there when they divorced. The thought of being away from him frightened her.

After the movie they were watching was over, Angel turned off the television. "You still awake over there?"

"Uh-huh. I’m just thinking."

"About anything in particular?"

"No. Just random thoughts. Is the movie over already?"

"Yep. What do you want to do now? It’s only ten o’clock," Angel told her.

She smiled. "A hot bath sounds really, really good right about now."

"You got it."

Buffy stood up and made her way to the staircase, stopping before she went up a single step. Fear gripped her at the thought of being alone upstairs. "Angel, will you come with me? I don’t want to go up there alone."

"Of course I will." He followed her to the bathroom between their bedrooms. "I’ll wait in my room until you’re done in here."

She shook her head as she drew the bath, pouring some bubble bath in there as well. She looked up at him with fear in her eyes. "Please don’t. Stay in here with me. I’m afraid of being alone."

"Are you sure?"

"I wouldn’t have asked you if I wasn’t a hundred percent positive. Could you just keep your back turned while I get undressed?" Even though Buffy knew he’d seen her naked, she was still shy about her body in front of him.

"You got it." Angel did as he was told, not turning back around until he heard the okay from her. The sight that awaited him took his breath away. Even with a black eye and a red cheek, Buffy was still beautiful. The bubbles covered her to her neck and she leaned her head against the tiles behind her with her eyes closed. "Feeling better?"

"Much. It’s amazing how a hot bath will soothe and relax you. My mother used to swear by them. And she was right."

She lifted her right leg from the water and washed it with soap and a washcloth. Angel couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He knew if he didn’t do something productive, he would go completely crazy. "If you want, I’ll wash your back for you. It might help you relax even more."

"You don’t mind?"

"It would be my pleasure."

He sat on the edge of the bathtub, took the washcloth from her hand and ran it up and down her smooth back as she leaned forward. Buffy moaned; nobody had ever washed her back before, and it felt amazing. Angel seemed to know exactly what he was doing. "You’ve done this before, haven’t you?"

"A few times. Darla liked it."

She felt a tug of jealously at her heart at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. "Did she? You did this for her?"

"Once in a while. But she never deserved it like you do right now."

Buffy turned to look at her husband, and swore she saw a hurt look in his brown eyes. "She hurt you a lot when she cheated on you, didn’t she?"

"You could say that. She was the first woman I ever loved and she broke my heart in a million pieces when I caught her in bed with one of her co-workers. For a long time, I gave up on love because I was afraid of getting hurt again. But I’m not afraid anymore."

"I’m glad for that. You deserve better than her. Anyone who cheats on you just isn’t worth the trouble. She didn’t know how lucky she was to have you in her life. But her loss is my incredible gain. I’m lucky and I know it."

"I’m lucky, too."

"Thank you for doing that, Angel. I feel a little better now. I think I’m going to get out in a few minutes and get ready for bed. Do you think you could do me one more favor?"

"Anything."

"Spend the night with me."

Angel’s eyes widened with surprise at her request. "Excuse me?"

She took a deep breath. "I didn’t mean it like that. Sure, I’m feeling better after the bath, but I’m still scared. I have this fear of Spike coming back to finish what he started. And I only feel safe when you’re around. Could you…I mean, would you sleep in my room tonight?" Buffy asked.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Stop asking me that. I’m sure. You’re like my protector. A guardian angel. I find it rather ironic."

"Then I will. Just let me get dressed for bed."

As he was heading for his bedroom, Buffy called out to him. "Angel? Thank you."

He smiled at her. "You’re welcome."

***

36

Angel knocked on the bedroom door across the hall, not wanting to walk in on Buffy while she was getting changed for bed. The last thing she needed was to be frightened once more that day. "Buffy? Is it all right if I come in now?"

A few seconds passed by before she replied. "Yeah, you can come in."

He opened the door slowly, walking in as she was climbing under the covers. Her long hair still hung damply past her shoulders. The black eye had finally settled down to one shade and the redness in her other cheek had substantially subsided. "Where do you want me?" Angel asked her. He assumed he’d sleep on the reclining chair on the other side of the room.

Buffy patted the empty side of the bed next to her. "Here. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Are you sure you’ll be comfortable with me there?"

She nodded. "Totally comfortable. The other side of the room is way too far in case…you know, if he comes back tonight."

Angel laid down on the bed, next to his wife. "Spike would have to be very stupid to come back here after what he pulled this afternoon. He knows exactly what I’ll do to him if I find him anywhere near you."

Turning off the lamp next to her bed, Buffy settled under the covers. "Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you mind…I mean, would you put your arms around me? I’d feel a little safer if you did. If you don’t want to, I completely understand."

"I’d like to. Especially if it’ll make you feel better."

Buffy scooted to his side of the bed and laid on her side to allow him to envelope her in his embrace. Angel held her like a fragile china doll in his arms, soothingly rubbing her right arm. Her cheek rested on his shoulder. ‘Under different circumstances, we could be like this right now as well. Only instead she’d be wearing my new ring on her finger and we’d have just made love for the first time.’ He cursed Spike for ruining his golden opportunity.

"Feel better?" he wanted to know.

"Much. I hate this so much, Angel. I hate feeling like a victim. God, Spike could have killed me this afternoon." A fresh batch of tears welled up in her eyes, slipping out onto his bare shoulder.

"Please don’t cry again. I hate seeing you cry. Look, I’m here now, he’s not gonna come anywhere near you as long as I’m around. And I am not going anywhere for a while, so you have nothing to worry about, Buffy."

"Do you mean that? You won’t go anywhere?" she asked.

"I’m here for as long as you want me to be. There’s no rule stating that we have to file for divorce right after our three year anniversary. We can wait until you feel ready to be alone again," Angel informed her. "Take as much time as you need. We can wait until after the holiday season is over."

Buffy sniffled, burrowing herself more comfortably in his embrace. "Thank you. It means a lot to me that you’re so nice about it."

"You mean the world to me; you are the most important person in my life and I’m not about to let you suffer through this alone."

***

At eight the next morning, Angel heard the front door open and close. He looked over and saw Buffy asleep a few inches away, obviously not having heard the sound of someone entering the house. As quietly as he could, he crept out of bed to find out who it was. Walking down the stairs to the front hall, he sighed with relief when he saw the housekeeper hanging up her jacket.

"Emilia. I completely forgot you were coming by today. Good morning," he greeted.

Emilia jumped upon hearing his voice. "Señor McKenzie. I did not expect you to be home on a Thursday morning." Then she noticed her employer only wore a pair of gray sweatpants.

"Sorry. I took the day off. Buffy isn’t feeling too well this morning, we think she has the flu or something," he lied.

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "The baby flu? Is Señora Buffy going to have a baby soon?"

Angel sighed, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the thought. "Unfortunately no, Emilia. But maybe if you cross your fingers and say a prayer…"

"I have been doing that para años, Señor."

"Well, keep it up. Anyway, I don’t want you to get sick because of Buffy, so why don’t you take the rest of the day off," he offered. "I can do the cleaning today, and I’ll even pay you for your trouble."

"All right. But let me prepare Señora breakfast before I go," Emilia said.

"No thanks, I’ve got it covered. Go home and be with your family."

Once she left, Angel went into the kitchen to make Buffy her favorite breakfast: two eggs scrambled with cheese, bacon, white toast and a glass of apple juice. When it was done cooking, he carried it upstairs on a tray so that she could enjoy breakfast in bed. As he entered the room, Buffy was just waking up.

"Morning," he said with a smile, placing the food in front of her.

"Good morning." She eyed the plate of food in front of her. "What’s this for?"

"I made you breakfast in bed," Angel told her. "I thought you’d like to be pampered a little bit more."

She grinned. "Thank you. It looks great."

"You might not think so once you actually taste it. How’d you sleep last night?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Okay, I guess. Definitely better than I would have because you were here."

"Think you might be ready to sleep by yourself tonight?"

"Maybe. We’ll see how I’m feeling later. Is that okay with you?" she wanted to know.

"It’s fine. Just let me know."

***

By the time Buffy and Angel retired to bed that night, Buffy *did* feel ready to sleep in her room alone. They went into their separate bedrooms, but she made Angel promise to keep his door open just to be safe. So he did.

After a frightening dream in which Spike came back to the house, wearing the same sadistic smile he’d worn the night before, Buffy woke up in a cold sweat. Glancing over at the clock, she sighed upon discovering it only read five past midnight. ‘The night hasn’t even begun yet. I can’t do this.’

Getting out of bed, she put on something more appropriate and made her way across the hall to Angel’s room. Luckily, the light was still on and he sat on his bed with the covers over his waist, reading a file. He looked up when he caught sight of her out of the corner of his eye; she stood in his doorway without saying a word. "What’s wrong?" he questioned. "Are you okay?"

"I had a bad dream. Do you mind if I stay in here tonight?" she asked.

"Come on in, it’s fine with me." Then he remembered he wasn’t wearing anything under the blankets. "Um, Buffy, I should probably warn you that I don’t have anything on under here. Just let me throw on some pants."

"You don’t have to, Angel. I already know you sleep naked; you told me once, remember? Besides, this is your bed, you can sleep however you like. I’m just a visitor for the night."

"I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable," he said.

Buffy shook her head. "You couldn’t make me feel uncomfortable. Ever." She slid under the blankets of his bed. "This bed is very comfy. I like it."

"Thanks."

She pointed to the file sitting on his lap. "Are you working on a big case or something?"

"Not really. Property dispute, we’ll end up settling out of court tomorrow," he informed her. He closed the manila folder and placed it on the bedside table.

"You’re going to work tomorrow? I mean today, considering it’s after midnight."

Angel noticed the hint of fear in her voice. "Only for a little while. Two, probably three hours at the most. I’m going to call your sister in the morning and have her stay with you while I’m gone. And I called the locksmith this afternoon and he’ll be stopping by sometime tomorrow to replace the locks on all the doors. I am going to make damn sure Spike never sets foot in this house again."

"Angel, you don’t have to do that," Buffy argued. "I’m only going to be living here for a few more weeks, you do not need to change the locks. I don’t want you to go to so much trouble."

"I have to. This is all my fault. Spike has a key to this house; he can come and go as he pleases. And I have to make sure he doesn’t do it again."

Buffy looked intently at him. "This isn’t your fault. Don’t say that."

"Then tell me what I’m supposed to say," Angel demanded. When she didn’t answer, he nodded. "See? I am to blame for this. I brought him into your life, as well as Faith’s. I introduced you, I gave him a key to our home, I gave him an all-access pass to you. I practically gave him an open invitation to attack you."

"Stop it."

"No. I can’t. All this is my fault. How can you even stand to look at me knowing what I’ve done to you?"

Once again, Buffy didn’t answer him. She gently touched her hand to his right cheek, turning his head so that he faced her. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and brought her lips to his. The two met in a slow, sensual kiss that Angel wasted little time responding to. To him, it was a dream come true; kissing her in his bed, no barriers between him and his love except a thin button-down blouse that could be removed in less than ten seconds in necessary. He sat up in a better position, and Buffy moved closer to him.

Her hand slid from his smooth cheek down his neck, shoulder, chest and finally under the blanket where he hid his nakedness from her view. She instantly found his hardness and ran her fingers across it, causing it to jump from her erotic touch. For years, Buffy had been dreaming of being with Angel like this, but none of the dreams lived up to the reality. Whatever happened between them, she felt more than ready for it.

Angel didn’t know what to make of her actions. One second he’d been berating himself over his lack of judgment in regards to Spike, and the next Buffy was kissing him and touching him in ways he hadn’t been touched in years. While he didn’t want her to stop, he feared she wouldn’t want to take this as far as he did.

"Buffy," he managed to pant between kisses.

"Don’t talk. Just kiss me."

In one swift motion, Buffy straddled him, pushing his back against the pillows and pressed herself against his bare chest. Angel felt her heart beating a mile a minute through her shirt; her buttocks rubbing up against his straining erection which remained hidden under the covers. He brought his hands to her thighs and moved them upwards under her flimsy excuse of a nightshirt.

What he found pleasantly surprised him: Buffy had neglected to wear any undergarments. ‘Did she have this planned? Is this the reason she came in here?’ he wondered. Shrugging his shoulders, Angel didn’t care enough to ask before another passionate kiss began. His hands roamed leisurely over her soft, silky skin. The fingers danced across the sides of her body, stopping when they were even with her breasts. Once there, his thumbs rubbed the undersides all the way up her arm. From Buffy’s moans, he could tell she was enjoying it. He lifted his hands to her shoulder blades, then slowly brought them back down again.

His palms gently caressed her nipples and she jumped in his lap but didn’t stop kissing him. With his thumbs, Angel circled around the hardening pebbles but never touched them. Buffy mewled from the lack of satisfaction and gripped him harder in an effort to get her point across. She would have begged him, but she couldn’t bear to stop his kisses. Everything he was doing to her felt so damn good. Her tiny body was on fire, and she loved every last second of it.

Leaving his left hand to attend to her upper body, Angel lowered his right one below her waist. He heard her gasp when his fingers found her sensitive bud; he waited for her to pull away but she never did. So he continued on, drawing lazy circles around her clit to stimulate Buffy even more. After a full minute of teasing, Buffy detached her lips from his and looked him in the eye. The tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach had become unbearable.

"Please…" she begged softly.

Capturing her sweet lips for a swift kiss, Angel manipulated the over-sensitized bundle of nerves and threw Buffy over the edge of orgasm. Her world exploded in an array of light around her and she threw her head back, calling Angel’s name as her orgasm wracked through her body. When she came down from her high, she felt something pushing its way in and out of her center. Glancing down she saw through clouded eyes that it was her husband’s index finger. With as much strength as she could muster, Buffy lifted herself onto her knees to grant him better access, supporting herself by gripping his broad shoulders.

Slowly, Angel entered another digit, all the while still rubbing his thumb over her clit. He could easily see the look of pleasure on Buffy’s face. It was right then that he knew for certain they would make love. He thrust the fingers in and out, trying his best to stretch her for his imminent entrance. Her hips thrust against his hand, telling him to go deeper, and she moaned once more when he inserted one last finger into her. He thought about how beautiful she looked right then, and could not wait to bring her to the heights of passion and back again.

Regrettably, he removed his fingers from her and raised both hands to her neck. They were shaking as they unlatched one button after another from the shirt Buffy had on. She dropped her hands to her sides while he slowly pushed it off her shoulders. It slid off her body and landed behind her. Reaching behind her, Buffy threw it to the ground. Then she took his hands in hers and placed them over her breasts. In her twenty-three years, she’d read enough romance novels to know where she wanted to be touched by a lover.

Taking his cue, Angel cupped her small breasts in his hands. He felt sixteen all over again, exploring the female body for the first time. Gently, he kneaded and squeezed, making her push them more forcefully into his hands. In the meantime, Buffy maneuvered the blanket from his waist, pushing it to the end of the bed. For the first time, she got a good look at her husband’s anatomy. Her eyes widened upon seeing his erection pressing up against his abdomen. She touched it again, unable to believe she made him like that.

Angel wrapped her in his arms and flipped them over so that he lay on top of her. The sight of her blonde hair fanning across the pillow brought a smile to his face; she reminded him of an angel. He placed a kiss on her forehead, her nose and finally a lingering one on her lips before venturing lower. His lips peppered kisses along her neck and shoulders until he lowered his head to her breasts. He captured one pert nipple in his mouth, his tongue circling it before softly biting down. She cried out his name for the second time that night, lifting her left leg and rubbing it against his leg.

Buffy throbbed for his touch between her legs once more, but Angel was hell-bent on taking his time. He paid the same attention to her neglected breast and then began to travel to her area of need. But instead of giving her what she desired, he found her tattoo and kissed every millimeter of it. Sensing her desperation, Angel gave in and brought his head to her center. His skilled tongue lathed along her slit, lapping in the juices that had pooled there. Then he ran it around her clit, flicking it every so often in an attempt to drive her wild.

Tired of his teasing and tormenting, Buffy held his head in place. She loved everything he was doing to her, but wanted him to give her the pleasure she had experienced before. Getting her hint, Angel took her clit in his mouth, biting down with enough force to bring her to a second climax. She thrashed under him, her head moving from side to side. Loving the sight and the sound, Angel did it once more. He would have continued on with pleasuring her, but his erection was throbbing; he needed to be inside of her before he exploded.

When she came down from her third orgasm, Buffy opened her eyes to find Angel face-to-face with her. She could feel the tip of his penis at her entrance, awaiting her invitation. All of a sudden, a pang of nervousness flowed through her. "Angel?"

"Yes?"

"There’s something I have to tell you. I’ve never…" She was about to tell him she’d never made love to a man before; that she wanted her first time to be with the man she loved. Looking into his soulful brown eyes, Buffy’s heart told her it was him. She loved Angel. "Forget it."

He brushed a stray hair from her face. "It’s okay. I know you’re still a virgin."

"How?" Her biggest fear was that Faith or one of her friends had told him.

"You had that slumber party right after we got married. I found out then. We don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to. I know you wanted to share it with someone you love," Angel said.

Buffy cupped his cheek in her hand. "I’m going to. I love you, Angel."

Hearing her declaration of love, his heart soared with joy. "I’m in love with you, too."

Fusing their lips together, Buffy and Angel basked in the bliss of what had just happened. Inch by agonizing inch, he pushed his way inside her tight opening, allowing her time to get accustomed to his size. She held him in a death grip from his uncomfortable entrance. It felt strange but it didn’t hurt as much as she remembered Faith telling her it did. But when a shooting pain seized her, Buffy cried out.

He had reached her blockage, and knew he was about to hurt her when he pushed through it. "Shh," he whispered. "I’m gonna try to make it not hurt as much as I can."

Biting her lip, she nodded. "Okay."

With a deep breath, Angel eased his erection back a bit. He moved his right hand from its position on the bed to the juncture between her legs, manipulating her clit. Within in a few seconds, Buffy was lost in a hazy sea of desire. He pushed his way deeper inside her again, though she never noticed. Giving her clit one last pinch, Angel felt her climaxing and took the opportunity to push his way through as quickly as possible before she came back down.

She’d felt the sharp pain of his thrust, but her pleasure outweighed her pain. Coming down, she saw her husband moving above her, and felt him moving inside of her. Being one with him was pure heaven to her. Innately, Buffy knew to wrap her legs around his waist, and he hit even more sensitive areas within her depths.

Angel left a trail of kisses along her neck and collarbone before finally settling in the valley between her breasts. He was so lost in her that the house could fall down around them and he’d never notice it. Never in the three years he’d loved her had Angel seen his wife look so beautiful as when they were making love right then, despite her black and blue eye. Her supple body glistened with a sheen of sweat, her golden hair tangled on the pillow, her long legs wrapped around his waist, her angelic voice chanting his name over and over. He doubted it was possible to love her any more than he did at that moment.

He felt his orgasm approaching quickly, so he prepared himself, as well as Buffy. His hand found her clit one last time and brought her into orgasm, the clenching of her inner walls triggering his own. Buffy held nothing back as she climaxed, screaming out Angel’s name so loud he feared the neighbors would hear. Not that he particularly cared as he spilled himself into her.

They calmed down and did their best to catch their breath after their passionate lovemaking. Angel exited her body and rolled off of her, facing her from the right side. "Are you okay?" he wanted to know.

As if in a daze, Buffy nodded her head. "I’m fine. Pleasantly numb." She paused. "You and I…we just made love, right?"

"Yes, we did."

Buffy rolled on her side to gaze into his eyes. "That was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life."

"It gets better," he said, teasing in his voice.

"Does it? It gets better than that?" She placed her hand on the back of his head and met his lips in a kiss, using her left knee to rub up against his penis. In no time, he hardened.

"Buffy, what are you doing?" He was shocked by her wanton behavior.

"I want to make love to you again."

"Aren’t you tired?"

She shook her head, tossing her leg over his hip. "Nope."

Angel scooped her into his arms and they made love until they could no longer keep their eyes open.

***

37

With a tired moan, Angel awoke the following morning. He felt exhausted from the night’s events, but for him it was a pleasant kind of tired. Never before in his life had he been so sated by a woman, not even by Darla in their year together. And the young woman sleeping in his embrace was the reason for it. Just looking over at her made him come alive with want and desire.

Buffy had been everything he could have possibly asked for and more. She was a living example of contradictions throughout their lovemaking: soft yet hard, innocent yet wanton, yielding yet domineering. During their second bout of lovemaking, she became voracious, ready and willing to try things that would normally make a virgin blush. She caught on quickly and drove him to the brink of insanity with her experimentation. By the time she finally fell asleep, Angel had lost all feeling below his waist. Not that he minded in the least.

As much as he wanted to lay in bed with her – and hopefully engage in another round of lovemaking – Angel had to get up for work. Slowly and silently, he worked his way out of bed without disturbing her. Grabbing a clean suit from his closet, he walked to the other end of the hall to shower in Dawn’s bathroom. He did not want to wake Buffy, she needed her sleep. No doubt she was just as exhausted as him.

After a quick shower, he dressed and checked in on her. Glancing at the alarm clock next to his bed, Angel knew he had to get going; he didn’t even have time to make himself breakfast. Rather than wake his sleeping love, he wrote her a note and left it on the pillow where he had been resting his head only fifteen minutes before. Bending down, he planted a soft kiss on her left cheek.

"I love you," he whispered before leaving.

***

"Good morning, Jenny," Angel greeted happily when he walked past his secretary’s desk.

She lifted her eyebrows curiously. It had been a long time since she’d seen her boss so pleasant in the morning. "Morning, Mr. McKenzie. You’re awfully cheery this morning. Is your wife feeling better?"

"Everything’s perfect. My life couldn’t be better. Hell, I couldn’t ask for more."

"I’m going to take that as a yes. Is Buffy pregnant or something?" she wanted to know. The only reason she could think of for his chipper mood was that his beloved wife was expecting a child.

Angel shook his head. "Nope. Well, not yet anyway."

"Ah, I see. You’re practicing."

"Something like that. I don’t want any interruptions until my client arrives at ten o’clock. But if my wife happens to call, put her right through," Angel told his secretary before entering his office.

***

Buffy rolled over and extended her right arm over to where Angel was sleeping. But instead, her hand came in contact with a cold mattress rather than a warm body. Opening her eyes, she looked over and found that she was alone in Angel’s bed. ‘What the…Where’s Angel?’ she thought. She sat up, covering her nakedness with a thin bed sheet.

"Angel?" she called. ‘Maybe he’s in the bathroom.’ She climbed out of bed, clutching the sheet to her body and headed into the adjoining bathroom between their bedrooms. But the room was empty, as was her bedroom. "Angel!?"

Still, there was no answer. Walking back to Angel’s bedroom, she saw a piece of paper sitting on his pillow. With interest, she picked it up and read it over.

DEAREST BUFFY,

I’M SORRY I COULDN’T BE THERE THIS MORNING WHEN YOU WOKE UP. I HAD THAT MEETING THIS MORNING OR ELSE I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE NEXT TO YOU. WORDS CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US LAST NIGHT. OBVIOUSLY WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IT MEANT AND WHERE WE GO FROM HERE WHEN I RETURN HOME TODAY.

LOVE, ANGEL

Buffy shook her head when she finished reading her husband’s note. "Good god, what have I done?"

***

Faith used her key to enter her sister’s home. She’d received a phone call at nine in the morning from Angel asking her to spend the day at the house with Buffy. He neglected to give her the specifics, telling her if she wanted to know the reason why she’d have to ask her sister. Without arguing, she agreed to stop by after she showered and ate breakfast.

"B? You around here somewhere?" she asked.

"I’m in the kitchen, Faith," Buffy answered.

The brunette made her way into the kitchen and found her sister bending down into the refrigerator, reaching for two cans of Pepsi. "What’s going on here, Buffy? Why did Angel insist I come over here?" When her adopted sister stood up and faced her, Faith’s jaw dropped. "Holy shit! What the hell happened to you?"

"A black eye."

"Yeah, I can see that. How did it get there? Did Angel do that to you? Because if he did, I will kill him with my bare hands," she threatened. "And you know I’ll do it, I’ve done it before."

Buffy shook her head, a pang of sadness coursing through her veins at the mention of her husband’s name. "It wasn’t him, Faith. Angel never laid a hand on me in anger. He didn’t do this, Spike did."

"Spike gave you that shiner? You’ve got to be kidding me."

"It’s true. He came by the day before yesterday while Angel was at the office. And he–" Buffy choked back the tears she felt forming. "Faith, he tried to rape me."

"What? Oh my god, Buff, I’m so sorry. I had no idea." She ran over to her sister and hugged her with all her might. "I never would have gotten involved with him if I knew he was a rapist."

Buffy let go. "You couldn’t have known he’d do this. Angel didn’t even know, and they were best friends. If he hadn’t come home when he did, Spike would have gone through with it."

"Thank god Angel was here."

"Yeah."

Faith knew her sister better than anyone, and she knew something else had happened since Wednesday. "Spill it, B. I know something else went down. Tell me."

"You’re right, something else *did* happen. I spent the whole day yesterday with Angel; he took the day off and did his best to comfort me. Last night I had a bad dream, I dreamt that Spike came back and tried to attack me again. Angel had told me I could come into his room if I got scared, so I did. We started talking and he blamed himself for what happened to me. Then we began kissing each other and then…then we made love."

Faith couldn’t believe what she was hearing. "You and Angel slept together?"

"Yes." Buffy blinked away her tears. "I finally did it; I finally let a man touch me in ways no one has ever touched me. I’m not the oldest living virgin on the planet anymore."

"Way to go, B."

"No. I was a fool, Faith. Look at this." She showed her sister the note Angel left for her. "He wrote this and I woke up next to this piece of paper instead of my husband."

She read it over. "So? It’s a nice note. He apologized for going to work and leaving you alone. I think it’s sweet of him." ‘I cannot believe Buffy did it. It’s about damn time they finally slept together. It only took three years.’

"You think it’s sweet? Did you read the last line? He wants to talk about it. Which means he doesn’t want it to happen again. We broke the one sacred rule of our marriage – it was supposed to be in name-only. Sex only complicates things and Angel and I complicated it last night." Buffy sat down and put her head in her hands. Faith took a seat next to her. "I even told him I loved him."

"You did *what*?"

"Yep. It only took me three years to realize it, but I finally said it. And Angel said it back. He said he loved me, Faith. But tonight he’s gonna take it back."

Faith sighed. "You don’t know that for a fact."

"Yes I do. I can read between the lines, and he might as well have wrote it in the note."

"Buffy, listen to me. Angel loves you. Anyone with two eyes can see it."

"No. He’s going to come home tonight and tell me what a mistake it was. I don’t want to hear him say it. It’ll hurt way too much. So I won’t let him say it."

She gazed at her sister. "How are you planning to do that? Keep him from saying it, that is."

"I’m gonna say it first."

‘Don’t do it, B. You’ll only end up hurting yourself. And Angel, too.’ But she knew nothing she could say would change her sister’s mind.

***

38

It was dinnertime before Angel returned home from the office. He hadn’t meant to spend so much time there, but it couldn’t be helped. The entire time he sat in the conference room with his client and opposing council, all Angel could think about was being home with his wife. The hours dragged by unbearably and he sighed with relief when he walked through the back door of his home.

Upon entering, his nose was assaulted by the scent of roasting chicken. It smelled delicious and Angel took a big sniff. "Mmm…" he moaned.

In the kitchen, Buffy heard him enter. ‘Oh god oh god oh god,’ she thought as she poured the rice into the saucepan of boiling water. ‘I don’t want to do this but I have to.’ She’d spent a good portion of the day thinking up what she’d say to him.

"It smells great in here. I can’t wait to eat," Angel said when he stepped into the kitchen. He found his wife standing in front of the counter with her back to him. "Hey. I missed you all day today," he told her, putting his hands on her shoulders.

Buffy closed her eyes and bit her lip when she felt his lips kissing the top of her head. ‘Please, Angel, don’t do this to me. Don’t tease me by giving me hope.’ "Hi. I thought you were going to be home early today. It’s nearly five."

"I tried, believe me I did. But my client refused to meet any of the other lawyer’s demands. Negotiations ran longer than anticipated. I’m really sorry. I wanted to be home with you, really I did." He looked around the room. "Isn’t Faith here? I called her this morning and asked her to spend the day with you so you wouldn’t be alone."

"She came by but I sent her home at three. After the locksmith left I told her she could leave. I felt safe enough, knowing Spike couldn’t get in here."

"That’s good at least. How are you feeling?" he wanted to know.

She shrugged her shoulders, stirring the rice. "I’ve been better."

"I know. I’m sure it will take some time for you to feel a hundred percent again. And you know I’ll be here for you every step of the way to help you through it."

"Thanks. Look, dinner won’t be ready for another five or ten minutes, so you’ve got time to get out of that stuffy suit you’re wearing," Buffy informed him. She noticed the way the suit fell on him, but couldn’t help remembering how he looked without anything on. ‘Stop it, Buff. Don’t do this to yourself.’

"Alright. I’ll be back down in a few minutes. Call me if you need anything."

"I think I’ll be fine for a couple minutes alone. You don’t have to worry about me."

"I do worry." Then he left the room and went into his bedroom to change into something more comfortable for lounging around the house in.

When Angel had left the kitchen, Buffy glanced at her reflection in a nearby mirror. What she saw scared her. ‘How can I even expect Angel to mean what he said last night? God, I’m hideous. There’s no way he could possibly be in love with me.’

She absent-mindedly took the chicken out of the oven and put a piece on each other their plates. By that time the rice was finished cooking and she scooped a healthy portion on Angel’s plate, but only a little on hers. She was still stressed-out and didn’t have much of an appetite. And doubted she would for a while.

"It looks even better than it smells. I can’t wait to taste it," her husband commented, making his presence known.

"Jump right in."

They sat down, Angel taking his usual seat to Buffy’s right. Neither of them said anything for several minutes; both were working up the nerve to say what they wanted to say to the other. Finally, halfway through the meal, they spoke at the same time.

"Angel, we need to talk," Buffy said.

"Buffy, we should talk."

The two looked at each other and laughed. "Why don’t you go first, Buffy," Angel suggested. "I can wait until you’re done."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay. I really don’t know how to say this other than just coming out and saying it. What happened between us last night, well, it was amazing."

"That it was," he agreed.

"And I’ve been thinking about it all day today. While I don’t regret it, I think it was a mistake. I needed someone and you were there for me. And I appreciate you being here for me in my time of need."

Angel felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach and had the wind knocked out of him. "A mistake," he repeated.

"Yes. I came on to you like…well, I don’t want to say a hooker, but I can’t think of a better word. I practically threw myself at you. I’m not saying you took advantage of me, because I was more than willing. Hell, I wanted it. And I know you did not want to break our agreement by sleeping with me, and I know why you did it. Angel, you were just trying to comfort me. And trust me, you did a great job of it; for the entire time we were…you know, I didn’t once think about what happened to me on Wednesday. I have you to thank for that, which is why I don’t regret it. Even though you probably do."

"Buffy–" Angel interrupted.

She shook her head. "Don’t. Let me get this out before I lose my nerve. I want you to know I don’t hold you to anything you said to me last night. We said things we didn’t mean in the heat of passion. I know you don’t love me any more than I love you," she lied. ‘But I do love you.’

"Is that why you said it? In the heat of the moment?" he asked. He wanted to tell her he had meant every word he said to her, but he knew what was going on. Angel was being rejected by the woman he loved. Again.

"Yes." Buffy did her best to hold her tears in. "I just wanted you to know I feel the same way you do."

"You think that’s how I feel?"

Buffy nodded. "Yes. I read your note when I woke up this morning and I thought it over and came the same conclusion you did."

"Buffy, I didn’t–"

"You don’t have to lie to me to protect my feelings. I’m a big girl and I can take it. I never really thought you loved me anyway." ‘How could you?’

"If that’s how you feel…"

"It is."

Angel didn’t reply to her. He looked down in his lap, where he held the black velvet box containing the engagement ring he had planned on giving her during dinner. ‘I was a fool for thinking she might actually love me back.’ With a shaking hand, he put it back in his pocket.

***

After dinner, Angel had gone to his study to be alone. Buffy’s rejection was more than he could handle. The last thing he wanted her to see was how devastated he was by her words. He tried to concentrate on his new case but he couldn’t. The words blurred on the pages, nothing sinking in, though he tried to get his mind off of Buffy. All he could think about was how he lost everything. And he’d been sitting there for six hours pondering it.

The ring still sat inside the box from the jeweler’s; he had it on the edge of the desk. Picking it up, Angel stared at it. He tried to imagine it on Buffy’s finger, how beautiful it would look on her tiny ring finger, and how happy he’d be when she said yes to his marriage proposal.

"How can this be happening?" he asked out loud. "I thought tonight would be perfect, especially after last night. Buffy wants nothing to do with me. How could I have misread her intentions? She thinks me making love to her was a mistake. But it wasn’t. I would never in a million years think that."

Picking up the ring, he read the words he’d had inscribed on the inside of it that very afternoon. "Wife, Lover, Best Friend," he read. "All My Love Forever, Angel." He placed it back on the box, closed the cover and put it inside his desk drawer. "I won’t give up. I have until after the holidays to change Buffy’s mind."

Yawning, he headed up the stairs to his bedroom. He paused at Buffy’s bedroom door, hearing her voice cry out in her sleep. Angel pushed the door open and saw her thrashing around the bed, crying out.

"Get away! No! Stop it, Spike!" she yelled. "Help me, Angel. Please…"

Angel sat down on the bed and softly called her name, hoping it would penetrate through her nightmare. "Buffy, wake up. Buffy."

Opening her eyes, she found Angel sitting next to her. "What’s going on? What are you doing in here, Angel?"

"I heard you from the hallway. You were having a nightmare, I think. I came in to see if you were okay. Are you, Buffy?"

"I’m fine. I dreamt that Spike came back."

"He’s not coming back. We changed the locks, remember? Do you want me to stay in here with you tonight? You might feel better or safer or something," he offered.

"No!" Buffy exclaimed. "I mean, no thanks. I’ll be fine on my own." It wasn’t that Buffy didn’t want him to spend the night with her, but she was afraid of what would happen. She knew if she let him stay, she’d end up hurting herself all over again. Buffy wasn’t sure she could control herself if he was so close to her.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Just go to bed."

Angel wasn’t convinced by her words, but abided by them. "I’ll leave my door open for you if you want some company. Just come on in like you did last night." Angel hoped she would take it to mean he wanted her there with him; that he didn’t think what she thought he did.

"Good night."

"Night."

He exited her room and went into his. Without changing out of his jeans and shirt, Angel laid down on his bed and cried himself to sleep for the first time since he was seven years old.

***

39

The following weeks proved to be awkward for both Buffy and Angel. Neither of them broached the subject of their night together for obvious reasons – they both believed the other thought it a mistake. As per their agreement the night of Spike’s attack on Buffy, they waited until after the holidays were over before filing for legal separation, and then divorce. While Buffy planned her future without her husband in the days leading up to it, Angel searched for a way to win her love before it was too late.

Over Christmas break, Dawn returned home from college. She noticed something was off between her sister and brother-in-law, but did not bring it up, figuring Buffy would tell her if something was wrong. And the night before she left for New York, it happened.

"Dawnie, can we talk?" Buffy asked, entering her sister’s bedroom.

"Sure. Oh geez, you’re wearing ‘something face,’ Dawn noted. "What’s going on? And don’t you dare say nothing because I can tell there’s something big going down. You and Angel have been acting wacky the last three weeks I’ve been here."

She nodded her head. It was the moment of truth, the day she’d finally tell her younger sister everything. "I think maybe you’d better sit down for this."

Dawn did as she was told. "Is it Faith? She’s okay, isn’t she?"

"Faith is fine. This is about me." Buffy sat down next to her on the bed. "This coming Friday, Angel and I are getting divorced. Or, filing for it at least."

The younger Summers sister sat in silence for a few moments before saying anything in response. "Divorced?"

"Well, we’re filing for legal separation first. And I am moving back into the house with Faith that day. I’ve started packing up some of your belongings and putting them in your old room."

"I don’t understand. I thought you were happy here," she commented.

Buffy frowned, looking at the floor. "I have been happy, very happy. It’s been the happiest three years of my life. But Angel and I decided it’s time to go our separate ways. The last two months have been…awkward to say the least. He and I have just grown apart rather than together."

"Don’t you love Angel?"

"That’s not the point, Dawn."

"I think it is. The poor guy deserves to know if he has a fighting chance with you. If you love him, you can make your so-called marriage work."

She lifted her head, gazing at her younger sister. "What do you mean by ‘so-called marriage’?"

"I’m not stupid, Buffy. Maybe when I was fifteen I fell for it, but I’m eighteen now and I know about the real world. And a married couple deeply in love with one another doesn’t sleep in separate bedrooms."

"You knew this whole time?" Buffy wanted to know.

Dawn shook her head. "No. Not the whole time. About six months before I left for NYU, I got up for a drink of water around two in the morning and Angel was coming up the stairs. He looked really tired so I decided to wait until after he went into your room because I knew he’d want to talk. I waited, and I saw him go into the spare bedroom. I didn’t think much of it and got my water; I thought he’d left something there. When I came back upstairs a few minutes later, I checked the spare room and low and behold, Angel was fast asleep.

"At first I thought you two had had a fight or something. I checked it night after night after night. Something was definitely up and I knew it. Faith absolutely refused to tell me anything when I questioned her; she told me to ask you. And I’m going to do that now. Why? Why were you pretending to be married to Angel? Why are you sleeping in separate bedrooms?"

"We aren’t pretending to be married. By law, he and I are husband and wife."

"Yeah, I know that. I was there, remember? Fine then, let me ask a better question. If you and Angel weren’t in love, why did you get married in the first place?" Dawn paused. "It wasn’t because of me, was it? Because of the way I was acting after Mom and Dad died?"

Buffy sighed heavily. "I did it for you and Faith, not for me. Faith needed a lawyer and you needed a stable home life, and I couldn’t give either of you what you needed. I felt so helpless for not being the best sister and provider for my family. After Faith got arrested, she told me how much she hated her lawyer and asked me to find her another one; one who wanted what she wanted.

"I remembered Angel from a lecture he gave in one of my classes the year before. So I stopped by his office and asked for his help with Faith’s case." Buffy laughed softly. "I practically begged him to take the case. And he agreed under one condition – that I marry him. See, his uncle died a few weeks prior to that and left him a large sum of money in his will if Angel married by the age of thirty-one and stayed married for three years. He knew I couldn’t afford to pay for his services, so he offered me the trade-off: I marry him for those three years in name-only so he could get his inheritance, and he would defend Faith for murder. It was a win-win situation for both of us."

"Let me guess. Now that the three years is up, you two are ready to move on. But I don’t get why you waited until now. Why not file for legal separation right after your anniversary?"

"We were going to. On our three year anniversary, Spike came to the house and attacked me. I guess he and Angel had some unresolved issues and Spike decided to get back at Angel by trying to force himself on me," Buffy admitted. She hated thinking about it, much less talking about it.

Dawn gaped at her in shock and dismay. "He tried to rape you? Oh my god, Buffy. Are you okay?"

"I’m fine now. Angel got home in time and managed to stop him before he did any major damage. I just had a black eye and some nightmares for a couple weeks. Angel was a huge comfort to me the days after it happened." Buffy didn’t want to reveal to her sister that she and Angel ended up sleeping together the next night. "So we agreed to wait until after the holidays before ending the marriage. It gave me some time to heal."

"Have you talked things through with him? I mean, is this what you both really want?" questioned the eighteen-year-old.

"Of course it is. It’s what he and I agreed on."

"I know that. But I think poor Angel deserves to know the truth. He should know that you love him."

Buffy widened her eyes at her sister’s statement. "Excuse me? Where did you hear that? I never said anything about being in love with him."

"You didn’t have to say it, it’s written all over your face. Buffy, you get this far-off look in your eyes whenever you talk about him, you smile whenever you say his name. Why won’t you admit it? Tell him you love him."

"No. I won’t. I *can’t.* I am not going to make a fool out of myself." ‘Not like the last time,’ she thought.

"Who says you’ll make a fool of yourself?"

"Angel doesn’t love me, Dawn. If I tell him that I love him, he’s going to think I want to stay married to him for the money; that I’m trying to cling to him," Buffy explained.

Dawn shook her head, sighing at her sister’s stubbornness. "He won’t think that. Trust me on this. Haven’t you seen him look at you? God, he looks at you the same way Dad used to look at Mom. With total love in his eyes."

"You’re seeing things."

"Then prove me wrong. Ask him."

"I don’t have to. Look, I only came in here to tell you the truth about my marriage and what’s to come, not discuss my lack of a love life. I hope you don’t hold it against me for not telling you sooner."

She smiled. "You had your reasons. But I wish you’d tell Angel how you feel. If you don’t, you’ll end up breaking his heart and yours as well."

"I’ve lived with a broken heart before, I think I can survive it." She stood up and was immediately overcome with dizziness.

Dawn noticed her sister wobbling. "Are you okay, Buffy?"

"Yeah. I stood up too quickly. I think I’m going to lay down for a little while. I haven’t been feeling that great lately."

"You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Laying down, that is."

"I’ve been under a lot of stress these past few days. It’s finally catching up with me."

"You should go to the doctor, you might be coming down with the flu or something. Dizziness, sleeping, nausea…you know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you were pregnant. You’ve got all the classic symptoms. But that’s not possible. It’s the flu, I bet," Dawn mused.

***

40

Friday morning came around much too quickly for both Buffy and Angel. Neither of them felt prepared for what would happen; it was a turning point in both their lives. It signified the end of their marriage and the beginning of their futures.

Angel sat silently in the kitchen when Buffy walked in, dressed in a terrycloth robe and slippers. "Morning," he greeted her.

She turned around, her skin becoming pale when she laid eyes on her husband. "I didn’t know you were down here. I thought you would have left to see your lawyer by now."

"My appointment isn’t for another hour. Besides, Lindsey’s never been on time a day in his life. I could show up an hour late and it wouldn’t throw him off his schedule whatsoever."

"Oh. Well, I’m just gonna grab a glass of orange juice and finish packing up my things. I should be gone before you get back," Buffy told him.

"There’s no hurry, Buffy. You can stay as long as you want." ‘Stay forever if you want to,’ Angel thought.

She shook her head. "That’s really kind of you, Angel, but you don’t have to worry. I’ll be out of your hair in another two hours. Then we can put these last three years behind us."

"I don’t want you to think I’m kicking you out. I’m not. This is your home, I’m not forcing you to leave."

Buffy poured herself a glass of juice and took a sip. "I don’t think that. I know you’re going out of your way to make this transition as easy as possible, and I really appreciate it. But I’m sure you are anxious to get your freedom back."

"Not really," he admitted honestly. "I’ve loved being married to you these past three years."

"It hasn’t been all bad. Married life has been great up through the last few months."

"I wouldn’t trade a minute of it. I’m glad you walked into my office that day, Buffy. You changed my life forever. And I am a much better person because of you."

"So am I." She placed her glass in the dishwasher. "I guess I’ll see you soon."

As she headed out of the room, Angel called out to her. "Buffy." She looked at him. "I am going to miss this. Not seeing you every day is going to be so hard."

Buffy smiled softly at him. "I know. But we’ll move on. Goodbye, Angel."

"Goodbye, Buffy."

He sat staring into his cup of coffee, berating himself for not telling Buffy how he felt. And he never saw the tears in her green eyes as she left the room.

***

Angel pulled into the parking lot of his law firm with ten minutes to spare before his appointment with the divorce lawyer. He used the time to collect his thoughts and ponder why he couldn’t win over the woman he loved. After spending two months trying his best to prove his love to Buffy, nothing had worked. Flowers, candy, dinners; nothing convinced her of his true feelings. ‘What did I do wrong? I did everything short of screaming it for the whole world to hear how much I’m in love with her.’

Nervousness, fear, or possibly a combination of both led Angel to fiddle with the buttons on his car radio. He stopped on 96.5 just as a song was starting. Angel listened to the words.

// No I can’t forget this evening or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that’s just the way the story goes

You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows

Yes it shows

No I can’t forget tomorrow when I think of all my sorrow

When I had you there but then I let you go

And now it’s only fair that I should let you know

What you should know

I can’t live if living is without you

I can’t live, I can’t give anymore

I can’t live if living is without you

I can’t give, I can’t give anymore \\

The words hit closer to home than he ever thought possible. It was as if it were a sign, telling him to go back and pour out his heart and soul to Buffy, regardless of the consequences. He may suffer a broken heart, but at least he would have fought for the woman he loved.

Casting his eyes to the building in front of him, Angel exhaled a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Putting the car in reverse, he sped back to the house, hoping against all hope that Buffy would still be there.

***

Splashing cool water on her face, Buffy stared at herself in the mirror inside the bathroom. "Calm down, Buffy, you’ll get through this. You’ve lived through worse. Oh god, how am I supposed to get through this? Especially alone."

She could hear the radio from inside her bedroom. The song playing was a sad one, but it fit her mood perfectly. The songwriter might have had that particular moment in mind when he wrote it.

// Well I can’t forget this evening or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that’s just the way the story goes

You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows

Yes it shows

I can’t live if living is without you

I can’t live, I can’t give anymore

I can’t live if living is without you

I can’t give, I can’t give anymore

I can’t live if living is without you

I can’t live, I can’t give anymore \\

Walking back in her room, Buffy turned the radio off in aggravation. The last thing she wanted to hear was a depressing love song reminding her of how she had absolutely no chance of being with the man she truly loved. With a trembling hand, she removed her engagement and wedding rings, placing them on the bedside table. "Goodbye, my Angel. I’ll never stop loving you."

***

Angel burst through the front door, hoping he’d made it home in time. Buffy’s car still sat in the driveway, so he had reason to believe she hadn’t left yet. He bounded up the stairs toward her bedroom, yelling her name over and over again. "Buffy! Buffy!"

She heard his shouting and walked into the hallway to find out what was going on. "Angel? What’s wrong?"

He never replied to her, pulling her into his arms instead and capturing her lips with his. Angel poured his heart and soul into the kiss, leaving Buffy weak in the knees when it was over. They stared into each other’s eyes for a long time before Buffy finally spoke.

"What’s going on? Is something wrong?" she asked. The kiss took her by surprise; it was the last thing she ever expected from him.

Angel shook his head, his lips curling into a smile. "Nothing’s wrong. In fact, everything is right." He grabbed her hands and led her into her bedroom.

"Angel! Would you kindly explain to me what’s going on? You’re supposed to be meeting with Lindsey right now about filing for divorce. Why are you here?" Buffy demanded.

"Because there is something you need to know; something I’ve been holding in for far too long, Buffy. You deserve to know the truth."

She raised her eyebrows. "Truth? What truth are you talking about?"

"The truth about me and how I feel. Look, I’m not very good at expressing my feelings; I’m one of those people who keeps things bottled in. But if I don’t say this, I might lose the most important person in my life. You, Buffy. And at this point in time, I don’t know how to live without you, nor do I want to.

"I can’t think of any other way of saying it except to just come right out and say it. Usually I’m good with words, but you always manage to leave me tongue-tied. Anyway, here goes. I love you. I’ve loved you for years and I’ll continue to do so for the rest of my natural life. The night we made love, I meant every single word I said to you.

"I don’t know where you got the idea that I regret that night, but you are wrong. Dead wrong. That night meant everything in the world to me, just like you do. And the thought of spending the rest of my life without you is frightening. I want to spend my life making you happy, not being miserable without you."

Angel reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring he had planned on returning that afternoon after his meeting. "This isn’t how I wanted to do this. I had more of a romantic setting in mind, but circumstances beyond my control kept it from happening. Believe it or not, I planned on doing this the night Spike attacked you, then again the day after we made love. Nothing is going to stop me this time."

He took a deep breath. "I love you, Buffy Anne Summers. I want to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up next to you every morning." Getting down on one knee, Angel showed her the engagement ring he held in his hand. "I would be the happiest man in the world if you’d marry me for real."

Buffy gaped at him, seeing for the first time the love radiating from his brown eyes. ‘They were right. Faith and Dawn saw it but I never could. How could I have been so blind?’ "I’m so sorry, Angel."

"You’re saying no," he deduced.

When he started to stand up, Buffy stopped him. "That’s not what I’m saying. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. I only said I didn’t love you because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear. Angel, I meant it when I said I loved you. And yes, I will marry you for real. There’s nothing I want more than to be your wife. Again. Or still. Or…just yes! Yes, I want to marry you!"

Angel placed the ring on its rightful finger, lifting his wife into his arms for another kiss. "This time we’re going to have a real wedding. In a church with flowers and music and our family and friends. I’ll make this the wedding of your dreams."

Buffy touched his cheek with her palm. "I know you will."

"We should call everyone and tell them the good news."

"It can wait a little while. There is something I need to tell you first. Angel, I’m late."

He shrugged his shoulders. "So what? Whatever it is, you can be late for it. This is more important than some meeting or a flight or whatever you’re late for," he told her.

"That’s not the kind of late I mean." Buffy went into the bathroom, returning ten seconds later with a white stick in her hand. "This kind of late."

Angel stared at it. "That is…that’s a pregnancy test, isn’t it?"

Buffy nodded her head. "Uh-huh. And it’s positive."

"You’re pregnant."

"I have to go to the doctor to be sure, but yeah, I think I am. According to Dawn, I have all the classic symptoms. And if I am, I’m two months along."

"We’re gonna have a baby," Angel stated.

"More than likely."

He bit his lip and closed his eyes. Never before in his life had he felt so complete. "I love you, Buffy. I should have said it a long time ago. And I can’t wait to have children with you. I’ll be a great father."

"I know you will; I’ve already seen it by the way you were with Dawn. Now come on, let’s celebrate our official engagement."

THE END

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