Author: Jill
Disclaimer: let me check ... nope, still don't own them. Sigh! This is set within the BtVS-season-5 episode "Crush". Several dialogues are taken from there. They are not mine.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: B/A, and the usual pairings from the show
Distribution: my site (http://www.never-ending-love.de), Land of Denial, if you have any of my stories, take it; anybody else tell me where it goes
Summary: Set within "Crush". Disturbed by some information, Angel rushes to
Sunnydale. This is set into canon, in an attempt to make the whole series more
B/A-friendly. But don't expect too many smootchies! Spoilers: the whole B/A-cannon to be sure, follows loosely "Midnight Angel",
"Midnight Whispers", "Midnight Rainbow", "Midnight Hour", "Midnight Memory",
"Midnight Protector", "Midnight Letter", and "Midnight Encounters" You should
probably read it to understand this. If you need any of the previous stories,
just mail me and I'll send them to you. And you should have seen season 5/2 or
you won't know what they're talking about.
Feedback: oh yes, please
Dedication: To all who still believe in Happy Endings.
Angel ran a weary hand through his hair as he brought his car to a halt besides
one of the various cemeteries in Sunnydale. He wasn't quite sure what he was
doing here, what had driven him to go back, close to her. It wasn't really to help
her, although he was trying to convince himself, he was exactly doing that. But
in all honesty he had to admit that she was able to hold her own. Even if it was
against the likes of Drusilla.
The disturbing news that his insane childe had left L.A. for Sunnydale, had
managed to pull him out of his downward spiral. At least for a while. Although,
he wasn't quite sure of that either. His last meeting, if you could call it that,
with Buffy, had cost him dearly, and he had a hard time to recover from it.
((You didn't lose your soul, did you?))
Her tentative words on the roof of the hotel still sounded in his ears and they
had brought a sadness over him he hadn't felt for years. He had been able to have
sex with Buffy that meant nothing. That didn't endanger his soul, didn't turn him
into a killing, evil monster. Knowing that, nothing made sense anymore.
Buffy had been his epitome of good. Had been his light in the darkness. And now
she wasn't. Not anymore. How was he supposed to go on, fight the good fight, when
there was no reason? He'd been so sure that Buffy had made him a better man, a
worthier man, but the last time they'd met, Buffy had only managed to pull him
down even more.
Being with Buffy had always been a beauty in itself. Had been shiny and strong.
Their first night together was still like a wonder to him. For the first time in
hundred years there had been hope. He felt good that night, being united with
her, feeling her hands on his bare skin, accepting him without reserve, telling
him with every smile, every kiss, every gesture that he was man, not monster,
that he was good, not evil.
That he was worth saving. Worth redeeming.
On the day, only he remembered, things were different. He'd been human then.
Human. Pure. Not tainted by evil. Worth touching her. Having her. Loving her.
Loving her.
A harsh laugh broke from his lips and he slightly shook his head. He would die
loving her. You didn't just wake up and stopped loving somebody. Not he. Not
Angel.
And certainly not when it came to Buffy. After all it had needed for him to
become 242 years old to even meet her. You didn't wait that kind of time for the
love of your life, just to give her up when things didn't go as planned.
With a heavy sigh he emerged from the car, and walked towards the entrance of the
cemetery, only to fade into the shadows when he saw a figure, who was obviously
female, walk towards the entrance of Spike's crypt, carrying a crossbow.
Following her, Angel made sure she didn't notice him and as he was walking closer
to Spike's crypt, voice reached his sensitive vampire ears.
"Bloody right you are! If you hadn't left me for that chaos demon, I never would
have come back here! Never would have had this sodding chip in my skull! And you
- wouldn't be able to touch me, because this, with you, is wrong. I know it. I'm
not a complete idiot.
"You think I like having you in here? Destroying everything that was me, until
all that's left is you, in a dead shell. You say you hate it, but you won't
leave. You know, what I should just do, is get rid of both of you. Burn you. Cut
you into little pieces so there won't be any more bints to cock up things for
Spike."
The figure in front of Angel was suddenly gone, and he heard a loud bumping
noise, then Spike cry out in pain. "Oh, great."
Then a female voice reached him, that was neither Buffy nor Drusilla, who were
with Spike down in the crypt. Angel's nose told him that. And his sense, whenever
Buffy was concerned. "What about me, Spike?" To his utter astonishment he
realised it was Harmony Kendall. He remembered Buffy telling him about his
grand-childe and Cordelia's former friend.
Spike had a talent for getting himself into a mess, he mused, opening the
entrance silently and slipping inside.
"You forget about me again?," Harmony asked, "The actual girlfriend? I gave you
the best ... bunch of months of my life." She stepped forward and hit Spike, who
was lying on the floor, an arrow protruding from his back, over his head with the
crossbow.
"That's right, little girl. Teach our naughty boy a lesson," Drusilla shrieked,
her face alit with pleasure.
"Oh, now you're all ganging up," Spike groaned.
"I thought I could change you, Spike," Harmony said, "I thought maybe if I gave
and I gave and I gave, maybe you'd come around. Maybe a little nice. Stop
treating me like your dog." She busied herself reloading the crossbow, but didn't
stop talking, "But no, not Spike. Spike has to have a harem." She raised the
crossbow, held it into Spike's direction, when suddenly a hand came from behind
her and snatched it from her grasp.
Gasping she whirled around, stared for a moment at the stranger in front of her,
but then recognition dawned in her eyes, "Hey ... what ... hey, I know you." She
stared at Angel for another moment, towards Buffy, then back to Angel. "Aren't
you her ex? You're ... a vampire!," she stated in shock. "The slayer dated a
vampire. I can't believe it."
"Believe it," Spike said, thoroughly annoyed with the presence of his grand-sire,
"It's old news anyway. Everyone knows it."
"I didn't," Harmony pouted. "How come I didn't."
"Because you are stupid?," Buffy suggested, her eyes on Angel, her heart slamming
in her chest, her chest rising and falling. She was suddenly feeling cornered in
there, and to her dismay she felt a blush creeping up her neck when the
dark-haired vampire turned his gaze towards her.
"Buffy," he said her name.
"Daddy," Drusilla cried, her eyes wide, "Look, Spikey, Daddy is here. It's just
like old times. Untie me. Then we can just kill the slayer. The way we wanted a
long time ago." She was jumping up and down in excitement, at least as much as
her ties allowed her to.
"Drusilla," Angel directed his gaze towards her, raising a brow, "Not enough
bodies in L.A.?"
"L.A.?," Buffy gasped, staring at her former boyfriend. "She was ...," and then
it hit her. "With Darla? But I ... I thought ... you said she was ... human?"
"Oh, but not anymore," Drusilla replied in Angel's stead. "She was my grandmum.
But now's she's my baby." Her eyes glazed dreamily, and she sighed with a happy
smile around her mouth.
"Dru, what are you doing here?," Angel demanded, stepping closer to his insane
childe, ignoring the shock that showed on Buffy's beautiful face.
"Why, I was looking for my Spike of course," she told him, then looked at Spike,
who didn't seem to enjoy the situation in the least. "We are supposed to be
together. Think about it, Grandmum, you, I, Spike. Just like old times." Her
voice turned into a whine, "I miss those old times." Then she tilted her head
forward, and whispered, "You know, Spike is all wired up in his head. He can't
kill," she giggled, "but I did it for him. And then he drank."
Angel's eyes flickered to the beached blond vampire who looked ... embarrassed?
What the hell was going on here, he wondered? His eyes met Buffy's again. She was
watching Spike as well. And didn't look too comfortable either. This night was
just getting better and better. It hadn't been enough that just last week he'd
been forced to avert some sort of home made apocalypse, only because a mentally
disturbed student didn't want to lose his girlfriend. Sheesh.
"Hey," Harmony piped from behind his back, hands on her hips, lower lip sticking
out in a pout, "I feel left out. Won't anybody explain this to me?"
But nobody even bothered to look at her. "What the hell is going on here?," Angel
roared, getting fed up with the whole situation.
"Uh-oh," Dru whispered conspiratorially into Buffy's direction. "Daddy's getting
angry. He isn't nice when he's angry. Once he beat Spike a whole night and-"
"Dru," the blond vampire interrupted her, "She isn't interested in your
storytelling."
"Oh no," Buffy replied, giving him the evil eye. "On the contrary. Just go on,
Dru. Tell me how Angel beat him up. The story is really getting interesting."
"Shut up," Angel yelled again, "Now." And this time everybody obeyed. "What is
going on?," he repeated.
"What does it look like?," Harmony stepped from behind his back into the middle
of the crypt. "Spike has severe personality problems. Or does it seem normal to
you that he's actually believing himself in love with the slayer?"
The dark-haired vampire's eyes narrowed into tiny slits, "What?," he asked, his
voice soft. Too soft.
Buffy shrugged, the blush deepening. Then she scoffed, "What can I say. He's
obviously deeply disturbed. Nuts. And would you please untie me now?," she asked
nodding at her chains.
Ignoring her last plea, Angel turned slowly towards Spike, taking a menacing
step into his direction, his eyes flashing amber, "Spike," he said the other
vampire's name.
"Wha- what?," Spike asked, stepping back from him.
"Oh, goody. He's going to hit him again," Drusilla shrieked.
"Hey, mate-"
"I'm not your mate," Angel growled, taking another step.
"Uh ... yeah ... I mean, Angelus ... uh ... actually it's Angel these days right,
and," suddenly he stopped, put his hands on his hips and stared at his
grand-sire, who stopped as well. "What the hell am I doing here," he shouted
suddenly, angry with himself. "You're not going to intimidate me. Not here. Not
in my own home. It might not be much, but it's my home. And you," he whirled
towards Drusilla. "What's your deal? I thought you came for me, and now you're on
his side, or what?"
The insane vampire just smiled at him, but didn't comment.
"Hey, can somebody please untie me now?," Buffy shouted, getting fed up with the
two enraged vampires who seemed to have completely forgotten about her.
"Yeah, sure," Harmony replied. But when she was standing in front of Buffy, she
paused, eyed her speculatively, "Well, I could eat you now, couldn't I."
"NO," the two male vampires shouted from across the crypt. "Touch her," Angel
warned, "and I'm going to stake you at once. Besides, you're pathetic, Harmony.
Hooking up with someone like Spike. I thought you came from a rich background.
You always detested losers, I recall. Just like Cordelia."
She shrugged, but moved away from the slayer, "Don't compare me with her. She's
nothing. Just a loser."
Angel looked pointedly at Spike, "And you're not?"
She shrugged again, "He's sweet."
Buffy rolled her eyes, and she saw Angel's lips twitch. She gave him a small
smile, but he didn't react, just turned back to Spike.
"And you," he hissed, stepping closer again, smiling grimly when his grand-childe
tried to back away but hit the wall instead, shouting in pain because of his
wound. "You're in love with her, huh?"
"Yeah. Bloody right. I'm in love with her," Spike shouted, but his face betrayed
the fear that made his limbs weak. Angelus in full rage was nothing he wanted to
meet any time soon. This might be Angel coming towards him, but he was different.
Darker. And probably more dangerous, too.
"Are you now," the dark-haired vampire said softly, then with a swift movement,
had Spike by his throat and lifted the younger demon into the air. "Are you
now?," he repeated, his voice a low growl now.
"Oiiiii," Spike yelped, but then he caught Buffy's gaze, and he shouted, "Yes. I
am."
"You are?," Angel asked again, increasing the pressure on the blonde's windpipe.
"Do tell. Are you in love with her?"
"Ye-," he started, then suddenly caught the expression in Angel's eyes and his
bravo faltered. "No," he croaked. "No."
Looking the younger demon deeply in his eyes, Angel let go and Spike slumped to
the ground, panting heavily, staring at his grand-sire in a mixture of fear,
hatred and awe. "Good to hear," Angel said calmly, then turned away. "And now.
Everyone leaves."
"Hey," Spike said from behind him, "That's my crypt."
"Too bad. You're leaving. And take your ...," he looked over his shoulder in
disgust, "girlfriends with you. You really have a way to pick them. I have to
give you that." He grinned when he saw Spike glaring at him.
*
Buffy felt awkward being alone with Angel again. After their last encounter, she
didn't feel like looking him into the eye any time soon. She was ashamed about
the way she'd behaved, about the way she'd used him. At least partially. The
moment their passion had taken over, there had only been him. And the pleasure of
feeling him close again, after what seemed like an eternity.
Added by the tiny advantage that he hadn't lost his soul this time. Although, so
she guessed, it was part of the whole problem. A big part.
She thought about the revelation that Darla was a vampire again. That had to be
another part of his changed behaviour, she guessed. A horrible thoughts suddenly
entered her mind. Had he known it then? The last time in L.A. Had Darla already
been a vampire? Taken from his grasp by another vampire. A vampire he felt
responsible for making?
She didn't know what to say. 'I'm sorry' would hardly cover it, she thought.
There were so many things she wanted to say. So many questions she wanted to ask.
But none of them came over her lips now as he was standing in front of her,
gazing at her, and she nervously wiped her sweaty palms at her pants. "Uh ... I
should probably say thanks," she said.
"There's no need," he replied.
"Oh ... but you came the whole way from L.A.," she objected, "Just to ... to help
me, and-"
"I didn't come for you. I came for her," he informed her.
"Her," she asked, although she already knew the answer.
"Drusilla."
Still it hurt to hear it. "Oh."
"Yeah. I made her. She's my responsibility. I'm not going to let her kill more
people."
"So this ... is about people." She licked her lips nervously, "Special people?"
"No," he said coolly. Then he took a deep breath, "I have to leave now. I need to
be in L.A. before sunrise."
"I ... I see," she said quietly, averting her eyes. She wouldn't let him see how
she felt. How much it hurt to not have him care.
He laughed suddenly, harshly, and her eyes flew to his face. His eyes were cold,
"What's the matter? Can't stand the truth? I'm not going to lie to you, Buffy.
Not like other people, who tell you they are your friends, then use you because
their honey left them."
His words felt as if being stabbed right through the heart, and she made a little
sound of distress, "Angel, that's not-"
"You know what," he cut her off, "save it. For someone who actually cares. Me ...
I've stopped caring a long time ago." He laughed again, and it made her shiver.
God, what had happened to him? He was so distant. Like a stranger, she had never
met before. Angel had always been warm. And that said something, as he was cold,
being a vampire and all. But he had *felt* warm. *She* had felt warm with him.
"Angel, I'm-"
"No," he cut her off again. "I'm not interested. I came to take care of Drusilla.
There are enough bodies already on my conscience."
((I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil. Newsflash! I never
can. Never gonna be enough.))
"On a second thought," he continued. "Who cares. It doesn't matter anyway."
"Angel," she said hoarsely, and took another step towards him, but he held up his
hands.
"I need to go," he said quickly, turned and disappeared up the stairs. Leaving her cold. And utterly alone.
END
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