by Jill
Disclaimer: let me check ... nope, still don't own them. Sigh! I'm not making any money off this. I've taken several lines from the Buffy-season-six-episode "Smashed". The episode was written by Drew Z. Greenberg. *****
"Where is she?" Angel stormed down the stairs into the lobby of the Hyperion hotel, looking around frantically.
"If you're referring to Darla," Cordelia looked at him through narrowed eyes, "Fred and Gun put her into Fred's room. There was some pain."
"Darla?" Angel looked at her as if he didn't understand.
"Yes, Darla. Remember, pregnant vampire-lady?"
"I'm looking for Buffy," he said, ignoring her comment. "Where's Buffy?"
"She left."
"She - left?" the vampire stared at her, "And you just let her go?"
"Excuse me? Since when am I responsible for your love life?" She put her hands at her hips. "If you ask me, Buffy did the only reasonable thing. If I was in her place, I wouldn't talk to you ever again."
"Yes, and you didn't hold back with your opinion, I know," he gave her a hard look. "But Buffy isn't reasonable at the moment. Cordelia, I'm sorry if I hurt you by not telling you about Buffy and I, but that doesn't give you the right to interfere here. Buffy has a lot to work through right now. The last thing she needs are so called friends who know nothing about what's going on, but giving her advice nevertheless." His voice had risen at his last words and now his eyes were shooting daggers at the brunette.
"Oh, that's rich," she shouted right back, "You slept with Darla behind her back, you cheated on her-"
"I didn't cheat on her," Angel yelled, advancing Cordelia. Then suddenly realising what he was doing, the vampire stopped, took several deep breaths, "Besides, that's not the point here. You never cared for Buffy, but all of a sudden you are her personal defender. I'm only going to say this once. Keep out of this, Cordelia. You are my friend, and I care for you, but that doesn't give you the right to interfere whenever you want. You don't know what's going on here, so keep out of it."
"No, I don't know what's going on," she said bitingly, "But whose fault is that? Who didn't tell his friends about important things, huh?"
"Not now," Angel shot back, grabbing his coat. "I have to get Buffy. I need to explain-"
"That might be urgent," Wesley interrupted, coming down to the lobby, "But as much as I understand your problems with Buffy. Right now we have another problem. It seems Darla's going into labour right now."
*****
Two weeks later.
"I don't know. You know, I'll do a quick patrol tonight, and after a good night's sleep, we can solve this tomorrow." Buffy gave Xander and Anya a quick smile.
"Optimism," Anya beamed at her. "I remember optimism."
"That's because you're like a thousand," Xander joked, winking at Buffy.
"Good night, guys," she grinned.
"Good night," they both turned and left.
There was something comforting about the night, Buffy thought walking down the dark alley. She'd gone back to her slaying routine over the last two weeks. And she had even managed to forget about Angel, was thinking about him only every five minutes and not all the time.
It hurt. God, it hurt so much. She couldn't stop seeing him with Darla. A very, very pregnant Darla. Oh God! She kept seeing him with Darla. Embracing Darla. Getting naked with Darla. Making a baby together with Darla.
Involuntarily her hand moved down to the slight swell that was now visible there. Her baby. Angel's baby. Damn him! She angrily wiped a falling tear away. Damn him for doing this to her. God, she felt so lonely and lost without him. Why hadn't he come after her? Was Darla so important to him? More important than her?
Hearing a noise behind her she whirled around, but the alley seemed empty, and with a frown she continued walking. Spike kept coming on strong, and she didn't know what to do. God, what was she going to do? Giles had left her. Told her it was for her own good. Gee, that speech sounded horribly familiar. Was something wrong with her that the men in her life kept leaving her.
She almost jumped out of her skin, when Spike suddenly materialised in front of her. She'd been so preoccupied thinking about the mess with Angel, she hadn't even felt him coming.
His eyes were narrowed angrily, his pose threatening, "Slayer," he hissed.
Buffy sighed, annoyed, "And so my night is now complete."
"You never showed," he accused her.
Slightly shaking her head, she passed him, "Sorry," she told him over her shoulder, "Little busy actually *doing* stuff."
"You shouldn't be so flip, luv," Spike replied, falling into step beside her.
Faking a yawn, Buffy kept on walking, "What are you gonna do, walk behind me to death?" She put up a cool front, but she sensed there was something different in him. A dangerous vibe, she hadn't felt for a long time. In fact she hadn't felt it since she'd fought him in Sunnydale high. What the hell was happening?
"I'm just saying things might be a little different." Increasing his pace he came to stand in front of her, blocking her path. "You oughta be careful."
Letting out an exaggerated breath, Buffy shook her head, "Enough." She moved to walk around him, but again he blocked her path. Not quite believing what was going on she smiled, "Get out of my way."
He raised a brow, "Or what?"
She shrugged, and punched him square across the face.
Reeling slightly, Spike caught himself. For a moment he stared at her, then hit her right back. "Oh, the pain," he mocked, grinning evilly, "The pain. Is gone!"
She only stared at him, alarm bells ringing inside her head. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. He knew her too well. For a swift moment she thought back about the time when Angelus had stalked her.
"Guess what I found out," he said, tilting his head, "Looks like I'm not as toothless as you thought, sweetheart."
"How?" she asked, not able to hide her panic.
He grinned, "Don't you get it? Don't you see? *You* came back wrong."
She could do nothing but continue staring at him.
*
Angel squinted his eyes against the headlights of another car, then sighed, when it had passed him, glad to see the Sunnydale sign the same moment.
Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Buffy had stormed from his room. Had left L.A. without looking back. He had wanted to go after her the very moment, but then things had gotten crazy, with Darla giving birth, or rather killing herself so the baby could live.
He had wanted to call Buffy, but knew that it wasn't the way to go. This couldn't be settled through a phone-call. They had to talk. Eye to eye. And they would. Whatever happened, he would explain. And he would make her listen.
*
Shaking off her confusion, Buffy stalked forward, punching Spike. He staggered, then laughed, and she punched him again. He staggered for the second time, but when she was about to hit him again, he grabbed her arm, hit her back and she fell back into a fence.
Turning back, she came face to face with him, "It's a trick," she shouted. "You did something to the chip, it's a trick."
"It's not trick," he smirked, "It's not me. It's you. Just you. In fact, that's the funny part," he punched her again, "Cause you're the one that's changed." He punched her again. That's why it doesn't hurt me."
Again he punched her, but this time she blocked it, shoved him back.
He grinned, "Came back a little less human than you were, huh?"
"No," she shook her head, not wanting to believe his biting words, but afraid deep down, that they might be true. "You're wrong." She kicked him hard, and he flew into the opposite wall, but immediately bounced back, coming onto her.
"Then how come you're so spooked, luv? And why can I," he smirked again, punched her, "do that?"
Slowly straightening she looked at him, panting heavily. "You're wrong," she told him, punching him again, and again, shoving him towards a doorway, she followed him up the stairs, grabbed him and together they crashed through a door.
*
Impatiently Angel knocked on the door of the Summers house. Where the hell was Buffy? Running a hand through his hair, he knocked again. Had she gone out, he wondered, then in panic, had she even gone to patrol? Dammit, she was pregnant for God's sake. Slayer or no, pregnant women didn't go on patrol.
He let out a breath of relief when he heard footsteps and then Dawn's face appeared in the doorway. "Angel?" she looked at him quizzically. "What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to Buffy," he replied, smiling at her. "Can I come in?" "Sure," she stepped back, making room for him, "But Buffy isn't here."
"She isn't?" Concern entered his eyes, "What happened?"
"She left a while ago. Maybe she went on patrol. Hi, Angel." Tara got up from the sofa, her eyes sleepy. "Nice to see you."
"Tara," he said in a matter of greeting. "Did you say she went on patrol?"
"Yes," she confirmed.
"But she's pregnant," he said, panic rising. Dammit. He should have gone after her.
"Giles left," Dawn said softly, "She was ... different ... then."
Yeah, and Darla having my baby certainly had nothing to do with it, Angel thought sardonically. "Do you know where she wanted to go?" he asked.
"No," Tara gave him an apologetic smile. Already turning towards the door, he said, "Never mind. I'll find her." His car was around the corner, before Dawn could close the door.
*
She felt herself flying backward, not sure her nose wasn't broken. God, what was happening here? She didn't understand any of this. Could Spike be right? Wasn't she human after all? And if she wasn't human, what was her baby then? God, her baby, Angel would never forgive her if something happened to the baby because she was losing it now.
Her resolve strengthening a little she got up, and seeing Spike advance again, she punched him twice, then shoved him away, making him stumble against the fridge. Then kicking him, he flew back into the living-room.
She followed him, watching him getting up, but realised to late that he was attacking her again, punching her into the face with both feet.
"Oh, poor little girl," he taunted. "She doesn't fit in anywhere. She's got no one to love."
Grabbing his collar she shoved him towards the staircase, "Me? I'm lost?" she shouted, glad her voice didn't tremble, "Look at you, you idiot! Poor Spikey. Can't be a human, can't be a vampire. Where the hell do you fit in?" And where do I, she asked herself silently. What am I now? Am I still human? Or not? And God, what's happening to me? What sort of power does Spike have over me? Or do I really want him? Feel myself drawn to him?
He took a swing at her, but she ducked, punched him into the stomach, grabbed him and threw him across the room. He smashed into the fireplace, and she walked to him, "Your job is to kill the Slayer. But all you can do is follow me around making moon eyes."
"I'm in love with you," he shouted.
Taking another step towards him, she shook her head, "You're in love with pain. Admit it. You like me ... because you enjoy getting beat down. So really, who's screwed up?"
"Hello! Vampire!" He tried to hit her again, but she blocked it and punched him instead. Instead of falling backward, his hand reached out, pulling her closer, "I'm supposed to be trading on the dark side," he told her, then threw her against the wall. Picking her up again, he threw her across the room. Coming to stand over her, he grabbed her, "What's your excuse?" he asked.
Shoving him away, Buffy put a hand over his face and he flew backwards against the opposite wall. When she saw him stagger to his feet, she followed him.
*
"I was planning on hurting you," Spike smirked, "Much."
"You haven't even come close to hurting me," she shot back.
"Afraid to give me the chance?"
Breaking his hold, Buffy grabbed him and shoved him against the wall.
He smirked again, "You afraid, I'm gonna-"
And then she kissed him. Urgently she demanded entrance to his mouth, images of Angel flickering through her mind. His eyes, his face, his lips. Were those his lips she was tasting right now? They were cold. But they didn't taste familiar. Spike! God, she was kissing Spike.
She tried to shove him away, but her body didn't respond to her mind. Another image rushed before her inner eye. Angel. Angel holding Darla. Making love to Darla. Darla thick with his child. And she was kissing Spike. Damn, hadn't she every right to do so, she asked herself, moaning when Spike shoved her against another wall, his tongue probing deeply into her mouth.
Angel had slept with Darla, hadn't he? So why shouldn't she do it with Spike? Maybe he could make the pain go away. Maybe he could make her feel alive again. Maybe this was exactly what she wanted. What she needed.
She felt his hand moving over her breasts, arched against him. Those were cold hands, Angel's hands. No, no, not Angel's hands. Things were so confusing in her head. Where was Angel? Did he even care what she did right now? Would it hurt him? Would he leave Darla and the baby for it, she wondered? Or had he already forgotten about her. Had he sensed it, too? He was a vampire, did he already know that something was wrong with her?
She felt Spike's mouth wandering down her throat, kissing her between her breasts and moaned again. Maybe it wasn't really her, he was kissing. Spike could hit her, didn't that mean it wasn't the real Buffy doing the things she was doing right now? She felt Spike's hands grabbing the collar of her shirt, felt it tear and ... nothing.
Panting heavily, she opened her eyes, realising she was suddenly free. Blinking several times, she tried to shake off the dizziness in her head. Where was Spike? What?
WHAM
Her head snapped around, and her mouth dropped open. Whirling through the air were two strong and angry vampire males. Their fists and feet flying they were exchanging punches. She jumped when Spike came flying through the air and landed with a loud thumb beside her on the floor, his bones cracking. She saw his face contorted with pain, he was in full game face, but his eyes had never looked so alive.
Only seconds later the other vampire came flying through the air as well. He was, too, in full game face, his eyes gleaming dangerously amber, and she gasped. What was Angel doing here? Oh God, he had seen her. Had seen them.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
Buffy stumbled backwards against the wall, wrapping her arms around herself, her thoughts whirling in her head, she wasn't able to understand what was happening. Angel was here. And he was beating up Spike. She had never seen him more angry.
Oh God.
Again Spike flew through the air, landed with a crack against the wall. Then she heard him taunting, "What? Can't have another guy touch your girl, huh? Well, she enjoyed it."
"Enjoyed it? I'm going to show you something you can enjoy," Angel hissed, attacking again.
It was Angel's voice, Buffy was sure of it. But it was hardly recognizable. There was so much fury in it, so much anger, she felt herself shrinking away, but still couldn't help watching them. Spike was good. She knew he was strong and a good fighter, but Angel was deadly. She had never seen him better. He was like an unstoppable force, whirling, kicking. Then suddenly she saw him pick up Spike and with one movement he threw him out of the window, the bleached blond vampire disappearing in the darkness.
She head Spike yell, but she also knew he wouldn't come back. He was strong, but he wasn't stupid. He wouldn't risk his life tonight. Not with Angel.
Oh God, Angel.
Her eyes flew to his face, that had once again transformed into his human features, taking in the bruises, while he was slowly walking towards her. "Angel," she whispered, pressing a hand over her mouth.
But he didn't seem to hear her, kept advancing her, his eyes never leaving hers. She could see anger in them, but there was more, there was passion. Lust. Passion. It should have probably frightened her, but it didn't.
"What's this," he asked, his voice low. "Your idea of a payback? Because I was with Darla? We weren't together when I was with her."
"You fucked her," she hissed, "And now she's having your baby. Like me."
His eyes narrowed dangerously, "And what did you plan to do? Getting yourself pregnant with Spike's baby? I won't happen. Because you're pregnant already. Or did you forget it?"
"I-"
"Or are you trying to lose yourself in him? To lose your soul? I've been there, Buffy. I tried it with Darla. And it didn't help, because there was no happiness where Darla was. I didn't love her. I never loved her. You are human. You will have a soul when this is over. Will you be able to live with this? Spike will take you gladly. He's obsessed with you. But he's still a soulless demon. Do you think he will care for you? No! He will never care for anyone but himself. Not because he doesn't love you, but because he can't change the fact that he's evil."
"Maybe I want evil," she said flippantly, instantly realising it had been a fault to say this, when she saw his control snap, and he changed back into his vampire face, his eyes gleaming amber again.
"You want evil?" he growled "You can have evil. I'm going to give you evil."
And then she was in his arms. He was lifting her up, shoving her against the wall, the very same way Spike had just before. But it was different now. She felt the underlying violence, the tension in his jerky movements.
Her blouse gave way and then he had her nipple in his mouth. She heard herself crying out, heard him open his zipper, felt him ripping away her panties, and then he was inside of her.
They stopped for a moment, their gazes locking, they were staring at each other, and then he began to move. Faster and faster, and she was arching against him, holding onto him, crying out again and again. She felt like flying, letting go, letting loose. She closed her eyes and let the sensations take her over. Let his hands, his mouth, his being take her to a place where nothing mattered but them, where she could forget.
Where she was human.
*
Buffy woke slowly, blinking against the bright light streaming through the broken window. Turning her head, her eyes fell on Angel who was awake already, watching her. "Hi," he smiled slightly, reaching for her, but she moved away from him.
"No," she said firmly, searching for her torn clothes. Stumbling to her feet, she didn't look at him, "That doesn't change anything," she said, glad her skirt was still in one piece.
She heard him move behind her, heard a zipper, and let out a breath of relief. "What didn't change what?" he asked, his voice dangerously soft.
"This," she gestured around with her hands. "What we did. It doesn't change what happened with Darla, and it-"
"Darla's dead," he said quietly, watching her when she slowly turned around.
"What?" she asked, "Did you ..."
"No," he shook his head. "I didn't kill her. She killed herself. So that the child could live."
"Oh, great. Now she's died a martyr," Buffy laughed sarcastically, pulling her torn shirt over her head.
"Buffy stop it," he warned, coming closer.
"Don't," she held out a hand. "I don't want you to touch me."
"Yeah, you said that before," he replied, crossing his arms in front of him. "But I have a hard time believing it. After tonight-"
"Tonight was a mistake," she cut him off, fishing for her second shoe.
"I never loved Darla," he said gently.
"It doesn't matter. You said the child is alive, go back to your precious baby. You can care for Darla's baby. I'm going to take care of mine. I don't need you."
With a step he was right in front of her, pinning her against the wall, "If you think," he growled, "I'm going to leave so you can go on fucking Spike, you're deadly wrong."
"If I want to fuck Spike," she spat, "I'm going to do it. It's my decision. Not yours."
"Of course it is," he shot back, his eyes gleaming amber for a moment, "I love you."
"I don't care," she hissed.
"Of course you do."
"No. And why should I?"
"Because you love me, too."
"No, I don't. I'm not capable of love. If I was people wouldn't keep leaving me." He felt the first tremor going through her body.
"I love you," he repeated.
"No," she shook her head frantically.
"Yes," he insisted.
"No," she cried, trying to push him away. "I'm alone. There's nobody. Do you understand!"
"No."
"Yes," she yelled at him, trying harder to push him away, but he didn't go. Just kept her pinned to the wall, with no way to escape. "Nobody," she shouted. And now ... now ...,"
"Now what?" he demanded.
"Now you ... you've got Darla and the baby ...," she cried, the first sob wracking her body.
"I love you," he repeated.
"Don't say that," she yelled, trying to get her hands free.
"I love you."
"No."
"Yes."
"Oh God," she felt her face crumble, felt the tears fall.
"I love you," he said softly, letting go of her hands.
"Angel," she whispered brokenly, clenching her hands into fists beside her body.
"Buffy," he pulled her in his arms, held her close, "I'm never going to leave you. I love you. Trust me. Please, love. I know I didn't tell you about Darla. But I didn't want to hurt you. You have to trust me. Please, trust me. I'm not going to let you down. I love you." He whispered the same words again and again, holding her, stroking her, until the she unclenched her fists and her hands came around him.
She was sobbing openly now, holding onto him with all her might, "Angel, I'm so afraid," she told him. "I've never been so afraid."
"Shhh," he soothed, stroking her back, her hair, kissing her crown, "I know. I know. I understand."
"Oh God, I'm so afraid," she repeated, holding him even closer, as if never wanting to let him go. "Don't go," she pleaded. "Please don't go."
"I won't," he promised. "And if I have to, I'm going to take you with me. You're not going to be alone again."
"Hold me," she said, burying her face in his chest, "Hold me. I love you."
He smiled slightly, kissing her crown again, "I know," he whispered, "I know. I love you, too."
*
"I'm sorry," she said half an hour later when she'd been able to calm down. Her head was leaning on Angel's chest, whose back was resting against the wall. "I'm sorry ... for ... Spike." "Shhh." His hand stroked her arm, "Don't talk about it. I understand."
She smiled slightly, looked up to him, "I suppose you do. It was the same for you, with Darla."
"Maybe," he replied, kissing her forehead, "Probably. I wanted to let go then. Just forget. Just ...," he shook his head, sighed, "I never expected her to get pregnant. It's the strangest thing."
"A-and ... the baby?"
He pulled her closer knowing what the question had cost her. "He is fine."
"H-he?" she looked up to him, her eyes huge and hurt.
"Yes, he," he confirmed, hating the expression in her eyes. He would give everything to make it go away, but knew he couldn't. All they could do was deal with it. "It's a boy. Connor."
"Connor," she repeated the name, her voice thick, and tears were welling up in her eyes, "It's a beautiful name," she said, trying a smile.
He had never loved her more. "I love you," he whispered, kissing her gently. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist.
"I hope we're going to have a daughter," he said suddenly, making her look up again.
"Really?" she tried to blink her tears away.
"Yeah. A girl with blond hair and hazel eyes."
New tears were welling up, but they were good ones this time. Buffy's heart was suddenly so full, for a moment she was afraid it would burst. Reaching out, she stroked his cheek, "I love you. We're going to be okay, right?"
"We will," he kissed her again. "We're in this together, remember?"
"Yes." She smiled. And this time it was genuine. "Together."
The End
Back to Jill's Rewrite Courses
Rating: R - to be sure
Pairing: B/A (strong in this part!), and the usual pairings from the show
Distribution: my site (http://www.never-ending-love.de), Land of Denial, if you have any of my stories, take it; anybody else tell me where it goes
Timeline: This is set into canon, in an attempt to make the whole series more B/A-friendly.
Spoilers: the whole B/A-canon to be sure, follows loosely "Midnight Angel","Midnight Whispers", "Midnight Rainbow", "Midnight Hour", "Midnight Memory", "Midnight Protector", "Midnight Letter", "Midnight Encounters", "Midnight Eyes, "Midnight Lovers", "Midnight Kiss", "Midnight Song", "Midnight Rose", "Midnight Velvet", "Midnight Sun", "Midnight Shade", "Midnight Secrets", "Midnight Star", "Midnight Dance", "Midnight Wind", and "Midnight Storm". You should probably read it to understand this. And you should have seen season 6/3 or at least read the transcripts (http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de), or you won't know what they're talking about.
Timeline: This might be a bit confusing. The first (tiny) part is set within "Quickening", but the rest is set after the Angel-season-3-episodes, "Quickening" and "Lullaby" and the Buffy-season-6 episodes "Once More With Feeling", "Tabula Rasa" and within "Smashed."
Feedback: oh yes, please
Dedication: this goes to all of you who suffered with me through the previous parts, and who suffer every week because Joss and his crew don't have a heart!
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