Author: Jill
Disclaimer: let me check ... nope, still don't own them. Sigh! I'm not making any
money off this. I've taken several lines from the Buffy-season-six-episode
"Flooded". This episode was written by Douglas Petrie and Jane Espenson. Note 1: This part includes sexual content. It's not really descriptive, so I kept
it PG-13 rated. If you feel offended, I want to apologize in advance. But the
part is needed to show the emotions. (I think). Anyways, just wanted to warn you.
He had sworn to wait until the next day, but the news about Buffy's and Angel's
reunion and the expected baby, but even more his anger towards Willow had kept
him awake. And when he heard footsteps in the kitchen, he couldn't stay on the
sofa. Instead he reached for his dressing gown, and walked towards the noise. He
knew it had to be Willow. He didn't know, why, he just knew.
"Hey, Giles," she greeted him over her shoulder.
He had to take several deep breaths to keep his anger at bay.
She was chatting with him, the same way she'd done this morning, completely
oblivious to the tension around her, or in this case, the rigid way, Giles held
his body. "You have a good talk with Buffy?," she asked, taking a box of cookies
from the cupboard, sat down by the island.
Deliberately slow, in a attempt to calm down, Giles closed the door behind him,
"Yes," he replied. "Now that she is back."
A genuine smile appeared on Willow's face, "Isn't it awesome?"
Yes, definitely awesome, he thought acidly, moving to the sink, not able to look
at her, hardly able to believe all this. This was Willow. Shy, hesitant Willow
who looked like a deer caught in the headlights when she thought she'd said the
wrong thing. But it was also the Willow who had sneaked into his office to read,
what she called forbidden dark magick. "Mmmm," he murmured, taking off his
glasses, "Tell me about this spell you performed."
"Oh, okay," she almost jumped up and down on the chair in excitement, "First of
all? Sooo scary. Like, the Blair Witch would have had to watch like this." She
covered her eyes with one hand, peeping through parted fingers. Lowering her hand
again, she grinned at him, not even noticing that his face was set into grim
lines. "And, and, and, this giant snake came out of my mouth and there was all
this energy crackling, and this pack of demons interrupted, but I totally kept it
together. And then, the next thing you know?," she gave him a triumphant smile,
"Buffy!"
She smiled at him proudly, reached for a cookie, and nibbled.
He could hardly believe it, had to turn away again, not to strangle her right
now. God, how could anyone be so ignorant? An intelligent girl like Willow.
"You're a very stupid girl," he ground out.
He heard her sucking in a sharp breath, "What?," she asked confused, "Giles-"
He whirled around, his eyes blazing with anger, "Do you have any idea what you've
done?," he asked. "The forces you've harnessed? The lines you've crossed?"
She looked at him distressed, but also a bit angry herself, "I thought you'd be
... impressed, or, or something."
"Oh, don't worry," he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "You've made a
very deep impression. Of everyone here ... you were the one I trusted most to
respect the forces of nature."
"Are you saying you don't trust me?"
His eyes narrowed, and he looked her right in the eye, "Think, what you've done
to Buffy."
"I brought her back!," she cried not understanding.
"At incredible risk," he hissed back.
"Risk?," she tossed at him, raising her chin in defiance, "Of what? Making her
deader?"
"You don't get it, Willow," he said on a sigh, remembering himself that he
couldn't tell her things only he, Angel and Buffy knew about. She had sworn him
to secrecy, and he had no intention of betraying her trust. "You have no idea
with what you dealt here."
"No," she cried, stood up, "Giles, I did what I had to do. I did what nobody else
could do."
"Oh," he said sarcastically, "There are others in this world who can do what you
did. You just don't want to meet them." He turned away again, no longer able to
look into her face. What had happened to her, he wondered. Had he missed this?
Tara had always mentioned the changes in her lover, had been sometimes more than
uncomfortable with the things the redhead did, but because he had been so sure to
know Willow, he hadn't really listened.
"No, probably not," she admitted, giving him a glimpse of hope, but destroying it
again with her next words, "but ... well, they're the bad guys. I'm not a bad
guy." He could hear in her voice that she was upset, but he didn't care, "I
brought Buffy back into this world, a-and maybe the word you should be looking
for is 'congratulations'."
Giles shook his head, feeling suddenly weary and old. He knew all too well what
could happen if you got sucked in by dark forces. He, Ethan, and his friends had
unleashed a dangerous demon all those years ago. But never, not in his wildest
dreams, had he expected Willow to turn to the dark side. "Having Buffy back in
this world makes me feel ...," he paused, searching for the right word,
"indescribably wonderful," he said, "but I wouldn't congratulate you if you
jumped off a cliff and happened to survive."
"That's not what I did," she insisted.
"You were lucky," he shouted, his anger surfacing again.
"I wasn't lucky," she objected, "I was amazing. And how would you know?," she
tossed at him, raising her chin even more, "You weren't even there."
"If I had been," he shot back, "I'd have bloody well stopped you. I don't know
what kind of magick you used, but I'm sure they are more ferocious and primal
than anything you can hope to understand," his voice rose another bit, "and you
are lucky to be alive, you rank, arrogant amateur!"
With a last look at her, he turned and was almost at the door when her voice
stopped him cold, "You are right," she said. He paused, looked at her. "The
magicks I used are very powerful. I'm very powerful. And maybe it's not such a
good idea for you to piss me off," she warned.
God, it was even worse than he'd thought. Giles felt his hand tremble and reached
for the door-handle to steady himself. He could do nothing but stare at her.
Feeling helpless and utterly defeated. He had wanted to corner her, and get the
truth from her, but instead he felt cornered himself, coming face to face with a
person he just seemed to really get to know.
Suddenly she shook her head, seemed to realise what she'd said, "Come on, Giles,"
she gave him a small smile, "I - I don't want to fight. I ... Let's not, okay?
I'll think about what you said, and you ... try to be happy Buffy's back."
"I *am* happy she is back," he told her, "don't understand me wrong. I'm just not
happy about the methods you used. And I'm far from convinced she's come out of
this undamaged." Feeling bone dead tired, he left the kitchen, not so sure he
could keep his vow. This was a Willow he'd never seen before, and he wasn't sure
if he cared to get really acquainted to her.
*****
A noise behind her startled Buffy but she relaxed instantly, when she found the
source of it, "Hi," she said without turning, hugging herself against the cold,
she wasn't quite convinced came from the breeze outside.
Strong arms encircled her from behind, and she could feel Angel's cool breath
when he whispered, "Hey" into her ear. "I woke up and you were gone. What are you
doing out here?"
She shrugged in his arms, shivered slightly, "I'm not sure. Couldn't sleep. I
think."
"You think?"
She could hear the concern in his voice and sighed inwardly. "I couldn't sleep.
It's no big."
He tightened his arms around her and pulled her into the shelter of his body,
resting his chin on her head, "What happened?"
She shrugged again, "Willow and Giles were arguing. He's ... He was angry with
her." She blinked, then stared dry eyed into the darkness, "Because of me."
"What?"
"He got angry with her because she brought me back without even knowing what she
did. He called her an amateur and Willow got really pissed, and ...," she sighed,
"I hate it when my friends argue. And I hate it even more if I'm the reason for
it."
"You are not," he replied firmly, turning her in his arms so he could look at
her, "Buffy, Willow did what she did without asking you. Actions have
consequences. Besides, I'm with Giles here, one hundred percent. What Willow did
was dangerous and stupid. She had no idea what would happen. She had no idea what
she was dealing with."
Buffy cast her eyes to the ground, "She did it to help me," she said, her voice
small.
"Maybe," Angel said, smiling slightly when she looked at him with surprise.
"You're doubting she wanted to help me?"
"Yes. No. Buffy, Willow loves you. And I'm sure she wanted to help you. But I
also see the way she's excited by the power she has, by the things she can do.
And I'm afraid she's losing her focus at the moment. Power can be intoxicating.
Like evil. It sucks you in, almost against your will. Think about Faith. The way
she fascinated you in the beginning."
She groaned, "Don't remind me. Faith isn't a favourite subject of mine."
"Sorry," he said, "But that's not the point here. You were fascinated by her way
of life. Careless, easy. You almost got sucked in."
"But I didn't."
"No, you didn't," he agreed. "Because you are strong, Buffy. Deep down inside you
knew it was wrong and you managed to turn around."
"And you were there," she added quietly, but firmly.
"Buffy-"
"No," she interrupted, "Don't say it. Angel, I'm not as strong as you think. I
might have been. Then. But you were there. You were always around. Even when you
were evil, I knew you were there. I could delude myself thinking you were still
somewhere in there. But then ... you were gone ... and nothing made sense
anymore." Would he ever really understand, how she felt without him, she
wondered? And would she ever learn not being afraid he'd leave?
"God, Buffy." His voice was hoarse, and he crushed her to him. "I'm sorry. I
messed this up. But I'm only now beginning to understand." For the umpteenth time
he asked himself how he could have missed it? How could he have been so blind? He
had lost his focus, had almost given up. How could he think it wouldn't be the
same for her?
She held onto him, her arms firmly locked around his waist, "You always
understood. You never judged. And even when you ... criticised, I always knew you
loved me." She took a shaky breath, "I know I ... didn't act very nice when you
... came back from hell, and-"
"No. You don't have to apologize for this," he interrupted her instantly, pulling
back to look at her, "You had every reason to-"
"No," she said firmly. "I didn't have a reason. Not a rational one anyway.
Although," she paused for a moment, then went on, "At the time I thought I was
trying to avoid you because of your soul, you know. But it wasn't really the
point. Not exactly."
"What was the point then?"
"I didn't want to lose you. I thought ... I thought if I didn't get close to you
... well, you know. A-and ... and ... I was afraid," she frowned, bit her lower
lip, tears gathering in her eyes. She was about to reveal her greatest fear, the
one thing she knew she couldn't face again.
She felt his cool fingers on her cheek and gave him a wobbly smile. There was
so much love in his eyes, it took her breath away. And it warmed her deep down
inside, closed wounds she had never thought could heal. But she could also feel
fear. A fear she wasn't sure she could deal with. "I was afraid, I would lose
you," she finally admitted. "Or even worse," she took a deep breath, steeling
herself against her next words. Saying them was like drinking acid. "That I had
to ... kill you - again."
"Buffy-"
"No," she interrupted, "let me ... I ... I need to say this. And when ... when
you left, I thought ... I mean, I was angry at first, with you. But then ...
after a while ... I ... I ... realised *I* had done this to myself. Because I ...
wasn't able to risk anything. I sent out the signals, pushed you away.
Involuntarily, of course, but I still did, and it hurt you. I know that now. But
I had lost you once. Had to *kill* you, and I ..." She took another deep breath,
"So I ... shut down. Held everyone in a secure distance. You know, don't let
anyone close, so they can't hurt you. And it worked. For a while.
"Riley couldn't deal with it ... But that was fine. I never loved him. I told you
I tried to love him, but it's a lie. The truth is ... I never tried to love him.
It was comfortable. And I liked the sex." She saw him wince and reached up to cup
his cheek. "I'm not telling you this to hurt you," she said softly.
"I know." He smiled at her. "I just can't help it."
A short grin appeared, "Good," she said, but grew serious once again. "The point
is, I could forget. For the short hours Riley and I ... you know ... I felt
good. But I didn't count on the fact that he'd fall in love with me. Soon I felt
trapped, and began to push him away. Keep your distance, you know."
"Yeah. I know."
"You do, huh?," she smiled again. "But then ... Mom died, and I couldn't keep it
up. And the whole mess with Dawn. I was forced to feel, and I couldn't handle
it." Suddenly she had to look down again, couldn't look at him, when she added,
"And I'm not sure I can handle it now."
His hands framed her head, pulled it up again, "You can," he said firmly, not
hiding his own feelings. Fear, pain, guilt, but most of all love. They were all
clearly visible in his dark orbs. "Don't you think I'm not scared? I'm afraid of
so many things. Most of all to lose the people I love. Buffy, I'm a vampire, I'm
immortal. Sooner or later I will have to watch all the people around me die." He
swallowed hard, blinked tears away, before he added, "Including you."
She stared at him, their eyes locked, she felt his hands on her face tremble,
felt the shiver running through his body, suddenly realised what kind of fate he
was facing. And she only now understood how strong he really was. Oh, she had
always known he was strong. He hadn't believed her, but she knew. You didn't
survive hundred years of guilt if you were some weakling.
But only now, right this moment, she saw the amount of his strength. He knew he
would survive all his friends, would survive her, and still he didn't shy away
from it, still he risked loving her, loving them. The awe she felt for him that
moment was boundless. He had lost so much, and he still hadn't forgotten how to
hope. "Angel," she whispered his name, her own voice hardly recognizable.
She reached out, pulled his head down, needing him close, needing this strength
she felt in him. Needing it so desperately.
Their lips met, and instantly she opened her mouth, forced him to do the same.
She wanted to inhale him, suck him dry, be one with this incredible man who had
not the slightest idea how extraordinary he was.
Her hands roamed through his hair, while she felt his hands stroking her back,
then
move lower, cupping her bottom, pulling her close, letting her feel his instant
arousal. She wanted him now, wanted all of him, couldn't wait. She reached down,
pulled at his zipper, glad he seemed as urgent as she, when he pulled up her
skirt, lifted her.
Meeting him she circled her legs around his waist, her blood roaring in her head,
her ears deaf to everything but his panting, she met each of his trusts eagerly,
holding onto him, both oblivious to the world surrounding them. They were one,
and in this moment, nothing else counted.
They cried out together, Angel holding her close, his head resting on her chest,
she felt the moistness there and realised he was crying. It was just as well, she
thought, because her own tears were soaking his hair.
*
A cigarette butt landed on the ground around the corner. Its owner didn't bother
to grind it out. He shrugged, turned around and walked away, a small smile
playing around his lips. He had come to talk to the Slayer. He hadn't found her,
but also without seeing her, he'd heard enough.
END
Back to Jill's Rewrite Courses
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: B/A (strong in this part!), and the usual pairings from the show
Distribution: my site (http://www.never-ending-love.de), Land of Denial, if you
have any of my stories, take it; anybody else tell me where it goes
Summary: Set directly after "Midnight Secrets" and within and after "Flooded".
This is set into canon, in an attempt to make the whole series more B/A-friendly.
But don't expect too many smootchies!
Spoilers: the whole B/A-canon to be sure, follows loosely "Midnight Angel",
"Midnight Whispers", "Midnight Rainbow", "Midnight Hour", "Midnight Memory",
"Midnight Protector", "Midnight Letter", "Midnight Encounters", "Midnight Eyes,
"Midnight Lovers", "Midnight Kiss", "Midnight Song", "Midnight Rose", "Midnight
Velvet", "Midnight Sun", "Midnight Shade", and "Midnight Secrets". You should
probably read it to understand this. And you should have seen season 6/3 or at
least read the transcripts (http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de), or you won't know
what they're talking about.
Feedback: oh yes, please
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