by Jill
Disclaimer: let me check ... nope, still don't own them. Sigh! I'm not making any money off this. I've taken several lines from the Angel-season-three-episode, "Offspring". This episode was written by David Greenwalt. And from the Angel-season-three-episode "Quickening." It was written by Jeffrey Bell.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: B/A (strong in this part!), and the usual pairings from the show
Distribution: my site (http://www.never-ending-love.de), Land of Denial, if you have any of my stories, take it; anybody else tell me where it goes
Timeline: This is set into canon, in an attempt to make the whole series more B/A-friendly. Spoilers: the whole B/A-canon to be sure, follows loosely "Midnight Angel", "Midnight Whispers", "Midnight Rainbow", "Midnight Hour", "Midnight Memory", "Midnight Protector", "Midnight Letter", "Midnight Encounters", "Midnight Eyes, "Midnight Lovers", "Midnight Kiss", "Midnight Song", "Midnight Rose", "Midnight Velvet", "Midnight Sun", "Midnight Shade", "Midnight Secrets", "Midnight Star", "Midnight Dance", and "Midnight Wind". You should probably read it to understand this. And you should have seen season 6/3 or at least read the transcripts (http://www.psyche.kn-bremen.de), or you won't know what they're talking
about.Timeline: Set within "Offspring" and "Quickening".
Feedback: oh yes, please
*****
The way to Caritas had never seemed so long. He needed to get there. Soon. Before the whole situation was driving him nuts. And he could only hope that the Host had answers for him. If not ... He didn't even want to go there.
There had to be answers. An explanation, anything, to understand what was going on. He and Darla had been together for over hundred years and nothing had happened. Yet, all of a sudden, she became pregnant. After only one night.
Maybe it had something to do with her being human, he thought. Yes, that could be an explanation. Maybe because Drusilla was crazy the turn hadn't been complete, maybe there was still humanity in Darla ... and maybe he was just going insane. Of course Darla was a vampire. He had felt it. Her heart wasn't beating, she was cold ... oh yeah, he remembered that well.
Running a trembling hand through his hair, Angel took a deep breath, trying to keep at least a part of his concentration on the traffic. It would do no good if he killed innocents in an accident.
Jesus, Darla was pregnant. It seemed it did only now sink in. There was something inside her, something they had created together, and he didn't even know what it was. Could it be evil? God, it had to be evil, hadn't it? How could anything he and Darla made be good? Was it a demon? Was it even worse?
With Buffy he hadn't doubted, not for a second, that she was expecting his child. But Buffy was human. Still, he hadn't cared for the fact that she'd been dead. That the child should have died with her. With her body. And yet, it lived. And although Giles hadn't found an explanation, he hadn't doubted the humanity of the child for a second. Why was that, he wondered. Why were there only positive vibes where Buffy was concerned, while in Darla's case...
Taking another deep breath, Angel shook his head, trying to clear the mess in his mind. He had been confused coming back from Hell, but this was *so* much worse. Okay, so not really worse, he admitted instantly, remembering the weeks after Buffy had found him in the woods. He'd been more like an animal then. Frightened, scared, confused. He wasn't an animal now, but he didn't feel quite human either. What kind of person was he? What was in him that he managed to impregnate a dead woman? God!
He stopped the car in front of Caritas, switched off the ignition and climbed out, already hearing the voice of the Muses the moment he walked through the door.
"Violence abounds, violence restrain, the space a sanctuary was and shall be again."
"That's great girls," Lorne smiled at them, then turned to another man, "Hey, Arnie, why're you charging me twelve hundred over the estimate here?"
"Had to run a separate two twelve to the security box. Double insulation everywhere in the building. Plus, we had a run on Kek bile and Bin-der glands. And you know what you said: 'This club's my baby. I want top drawer through out.'"
"Lorne!," Angel shouted through the commotion, "You here?" He let out a breath of relief when the green demon turned his head, "You got to help me. I've got kind of a situation on my hands ... our hands," he amended quickly.
"Mmmm, Angel."
The vampire gave the muses a quick smile, then turned back to Lorne, "What are they doing here?"
"They're here to help recast the sanctuary spell to prevent violence in the club. And this time I'm covering demons and humans. I'm opening the club again. I know I was blue for a pretty long time. If it'd gone on much longer I would have turned aquamarine." He laughed, then frowned when Angel's lips didn't even twitch. "And now that the ice is broken ... I'm getting bad vibes from you, Angelcakes. And that means something regarding the fact that you aren't even singing."
Combing his hand through his hair again, Angel sat down, looking at Lorne, "Bad vibes, huh? Yeah, you could say that."
The demon nodded, found a chair of his own, "What's the matter? The lawyers baking something new for you? An alimony suit this time?" He laughed out loud, then stopped instantly when he saw Angel staring at him. "What? What did I say? Was it the alimony suit. Hey, that was only a joke. Everyone knows that vampires are only shooting blanks."
The vampire smiled weakly, "Really? Well, let me give you some news. It's not true."
"Huh?"
"The situation ... you know, the one I mentioned just before, ... " He took a deep breath, "Look, maybe I should just sing ... "
"That bad?" Lorne asked, putting a hand on the vampire's arm.
"Bad isn't the expression I'd chose to describe ... this mess." Angel combed both hands through his hair, "Darla is back."
"Uh-oh," the demon gave the vampire a compassionate look. "That's really bad."
"Yeah. *That* would be bad, but it's worse. She came back - pregnant."
Lorne raised his brows, then suddenly laughed, "Oh, I see. And of course she's blaming you to be the expecting dad, right. Wow, Angel that's rich. I mean you couldn't even ...," his laughter faded, "Wait, you did. Of course, you did it with her. I remember."
"Yeah. I do, too," Angel said, hating the mere thought of that night. But you couldn't go back and reverse things. They were done. All you could do was live with it. "But that's still not the worst part. You remember Buffy?"
"Buffy?" Lorne looked confused for a moment, then suddenly nodded, "Sure. The Slayer. Tiny. Blond. A bit like Darla."
"No, not ... well, maybe. Just a bit," Angel admitted. "Anyway. She's pregnant, too."
"She's pregnant, too?" Lorne stared at him, dumbfounded. "And?"
"It's mine," vampire answered. "Buffy is expecting my baby. We're still not sure what Darla is expecting. I mean, she is a vampire, right? There could be anything inside of her."
The demon frowned for a moment, "Sure. I see what you meant when you said it was a mess. I'd even call it something more drastic."
"You're not helping."
"Yeah, well, who said I was?" Lorne joked, but grew serious again. "What do you want me to do? They are pregnant already."
"I need to know if the baby ... whatever is inside of Darla ... if it's ... evil."
"Yes," came a voice from behind them, "We would really appreciate it."
"Ah, Wesley," Lorne smiled at the former watcher. "Is the rest coming, too?"
"No," Wesley shook his head.
"Anything?" Angel looked at his friend.
"No. Well, maybe," Wesley amended. "The Nyazian prophecies mention a Tro-clan. And Fred says it's supposed to be here about now."
"Born out of darkness to bring darkness," Lorne mused.
"Great," Angel let out a pent up breath, "So we're saying the my ... whatever it is ... is - the scourge of mankind?" He stood up, began to pace, "I don't accept this. These stupid prophecies, you can always interpret them a hundred ways from Sunday. How do we even know your calculations are correct?"
"We don't," Wes replied, looking at his friend with concern, "We're still working on them. Fred is really helping with it. But we do know that Darla is pregnant with something."
"That's biologically impossible," Angel cut in.
"Well, maybe not," Lorne drew his brows together. "Regarding the fact that two women are pregnant. Maybe it's telling us ..."
"What do you mean, *two* women are pregnant?" Wesley asked sharply.
"... Maybe that's a first sign of your ... humanity? Maybe you stopped shooting blinds."
"Great. Really great." Angel let out an exaggerated sigh, looked at the ceiling. "Thanks," he shouted. "Thanks so much. Maybe someone could give me a hint now and then."
"Again, I want to ask. What do you mean, *two* women are pregnant?"
"No use shouting at them," Lorne told the vampire. "They don't interfere-"
"Don't even start it," Angel warned, "They interfere all the time." He thought back to a day only he remembered, "All the time. But only if it suits them. Just think about my soul."
"Your soul?" Wesley's head snapped around. "What about your soul?"
"Okay, I give you that," Lorne nodded. "They do interfere. Sometimes. But you already know about the Shanshu prophecy. I'd say it's part of it."
"COULD SOMEONE NOW PLEASE BLOODY TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?" Wesley shouted suddenly, then taking a deep breath, he went on, "Because I'm not understanding a word here. What about your soul? What about *two* women?"
"Wes, I ...," Angel started, walking towards the desk they were all sitting at, "Look. It's complicated-"
"Yeah. I believe that. But I've got time." He raised a brow at the vampire. "So go on. I'm listening."
Breathing deeply, Angel gazed at his friend for a moment, "Okay. Some months ago, shortly after Darla left, Lorne found out my soul was safe. I-"
"What?" Wesley stared at the vampire. "And you never told us?"
"The subject never came up," Angel tried to defend himself, hating that hurt in his friend's eyes. "Anyway. I wanted to tell you, but then ... Joyce died. And I went to Sunnydale ... and ...," he rubbed the back of his neck, "Well, Buffy and I got back together."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah. We ... Look, maybe I should tell this all of you at once. It'd be easier."
"Yeah, I'm sure," Wesley's face was grim. "So go on."
"You're not going to make this easy, are you?" Angel asked.
"I don't see why I should. You lied to us."
"No. I didn't. I just didn't tell you all. That's different."
"Maybe," Wesley admitted. "But you lied when you told Cordelia you didn't sleep with Darla. That was incredibly irresponsible of you. You realise that."
"Yeah, well, I wasn't thinking clearly at that time. It's not an apology. But maybe you should know that waking up beside her cause my epiphany. I couldn't believe I had done it. It was like finally waking up."
The former watcher nodded, "That's good. But it was still incredibly dangerous. If I'm getting the facts right, your soul wasn't safe then."
"No, it wasn't. But I wasn't thinking straight, Wes. There is no apology for what I did, but I ... Look. Does it really matter now?"
"Maybe not," Wesley agreed, "Alright, go on. You and Buffy were back together?"
"Yeah. And it was ... heaven," Angel had to smile remembering the stolen nights, the secret meetings. "And then ... she died. You cannot imagine how I felt. It was like getting a glimpse of heaven only to have it taken away again. Well, never mind. Then she came back. And we're going to have to talk about this soon, I think Giles would appreciate your help ... anyway, Buffy is pregnant."
"She is pregnant? Too?"
Angel let out a breath, "Yeah."
"And the baby survived? I mean, with her?"
"Yes, obviously." The vampire looked at his friend, "That's what Giles tries to find out. How it was possible. In the first place, because I'm a vampire, and the rest, too."
Wesley nodded thoughtfully, "I see." Then he suddenly straightened in his chair, "Still, it's hard to get over the fact that you never told us. Buffy was here, you were in Sunnydale, you were meeting all the time ... doing ... what you were obviously doing ... And we didn't know any of it. Angel, that's no way to treat friends."
"I know," Angel admitted quickly. "I know that. But it was mostly for ... Buffy's sake. She ... it happened immediately after her mom died, and she didn't want to ... You know them, Wes. Her friends are nice, great in fact, but they can be pretty demanding. So-"
"But I don't understand why you couldn't tell *us*, I mean, we're not in Sunnydale and ...," he stopped, obviously thinking about something, then sighed, "Cordelia."
Angel chuckled, "Yeah."
"Right," Wesley nodded in understanding. "Yes. I see how that might have caused problems. Cordelia can be very..."
"... open?" Angel supplied.
"I was going to say tactless. And although she's gotten much better, she still has problems keeping a secret. But you know that she's *not* going to be happy to hear all this. Especially after the whole Darla-baby-mess."
"You don't have to tell me," the vampire rolled his eyes thinking about the brunette. Clothes wouldn't do the trick this time. But maybe he could buy her a nice piece of jewellery. She had been delighted to see what he'd brought back from his trip to Tibet. Snapping himself back to the present, he looked at Lorne, "So? Any ideas what's going on here?"
*****
Staring at a picture on the wall, Angel tried to think about a time in his life when there had been no problems. Had there been such a time, he wondered? Yeah, probably. But it had ended the moment, he'd been able to say his first word and it hadn't been 'papa'. His first word had been 'mama' and from there the relationship with his father had moved downward.
Of course that was just a story. He didn't really know what his first word had been. But he could imagine it had happened that way. His relationship with his father had been doomed. Nothing he had done had pleased his old man. But living between and with humans, had taught him that he wasn't the only one with parental issues. Cordelia's parents were nothing to be proud of, and Wesley had only hinted about his, but one could guess that he and his father hadn't been happy campers.
Lorne didn't have an idea, what was going on, Angel's thoughts returned to the present. So no help there. The idea that whatever was growing inside of Darla could be some devil's spawn. No, he didn't want to think about being maybe responsible for bringing evil to this world. He'd done enough of it. He didn't want to be responsible for more.
When Darla had left after their fatal night together, he'd hoped she'd gone from his life for good. He'd closed the chapter in his mind. For the first time in over 200 hundred years Darla wasn't important anymore, and he felt free to move on. But of course no such luck for Angel. How could he even think Darla would ever disappear completely.
"You figure out a way to do it?"
Angel tore his gaze away from the picture at the wall, and turning his head looked at his sire who was lying on the sofa in his suite. "No," he shook his head, studying her face, wondering why he'd ever been attracted to such empty eyes. "I was thinking about the last time you were here."
"Mmm - that," she sat up, "Kind of hard to forget."
He chuckled humorless, "I know. I've tried. Actually, I had forgotten about it."
She gave him a long, hard look, then stood and began walking around, "Hey, you're the one that came in here all 'the world is a cold and lonely place'"
"Yeah, I know. I had a bad day." She raised a brow, "So you ... threw me through those glass doors, slammed me against a wall, pushed me onto the bed and took what you wanted?"
Running a hand through his hair, hoping he was able to hide the tremble he felt in his gut at the memory, Angel sighed, "It seemed like the right thing to do - at the time." Losing himself in her, losing his soul, had seemed like the only thing he could do. But of course it hadn't happened. Losing himself in Darla was impossible. There was only one person he had lost himself in. Only one person he'd ever loved enough to let go completely. To trust.
He was torn from his thoughts when there was a knock on the door. "Come in," he invited.
The door opened, revealing Gunn, holding a crossbow, with Wesley, Fred, and Cordy following him. Gunn gave the vampire a sharp glance, Wesley and Fred smiled slightly, while Cordelia refused to meet his eyes. He sighed inwardly. She was angry. He'd told them about Buffy, about his soul, the moment he and Wesley had returned from Caritas. It hadn't been a happy meeting.
"Sorry to intrude," Wesley began, "We had a bit of a breakthrough with the Nyazian Scroll translation. I thought you should know."
"It turns out," Fred's face was excited, "that some of the irregular verbs Wes was using were problematic when converted to Ga-shundi because of the Nyazian trick of converting both nouns and verbs, which he discovered by..." Suddenly she smiled sheepishly, "Sorry. I'll shut up now so he can tell you what he figured out."
Smiling at her, Wesley turned back to Angel, "The Tro-clan isn't a person or persons. It's a confluence of events."
"Which means," Cordelia went on without as much as looking at Angel, "it not only involves Angel, Darla and the child, but other horrible things we don't know about."
"That ...," Angel looked at Wesley, "That's good. Right? I mean, doesn't that mean that the kid isn't this evil, apocalyptic thing that we feared?"
"Not necessarily," the former watcher looked thoughtful, "There are a few Nyazian phrases related specifically to the thing being born that I haven't been able to complete."
"So it's important that you do. If necessary, call Giles. You two need to talk anyway." Angel rubbed his neck, then frowned.
"Yeah. Because we need to know what kind of bun is in the oven," Gunn commented.
"I know one thing about it," Darla cut in, "Something's protecting it."
Fred looked at her curiously, "How do you know that?"
The vampiress smirked, "Because I can't get rid of it."
Feeling flustered, Fred quickly turned away, "Sorry, I asked." "So you're saying, if I shot this into your stomach, it wouldn't do anything?"
Darla smirked again, spread her hands, "Fire away," she invited.
"Yeah, go on, fire. But I'd aim a bit higher. That should get us rid of all the problems," came a sarcastic voice from the doorway.
Angel froze instantly, feeling suddenly hot and cold at the same time. Slowly turning his head, he felt his insides knot, his legs turn to jelly.
"Oh, look," one of Darla's brows rose, "The cheerleader is here."
"Buffy," Cordelia let out a short, nervous laugh. "How nice to see you."
"Hello, Cordelia," the Slayer replied, her eyes never leaving Darla, wandering from her face to her swollen belly, then back up. "I didn't believe it, when Spike told me. I thought he was just trying to give us a hard time. But obviously he wasn't lying this time."
"Buffy-" Angel began, glad his vocal cords were still working, although his voice did sound a bit rough.
"I really don't want to hear it," she cut him off, not looking at him. "I think this explains everything," she nodded at Darla. "Seems your sperm isn't as dead as you thought." Her voice was cold, and dangerously controlled, but Angel saw the slight tremble in her hands, felt the tension in her body.
Darla's second brow rose as well, and a smirk appeared on her lips, "Two heartbeats," she said, gazing at Angel, then back at Buffy, "Seems my boy has been busy."
"Darla, shut up," Angel snarled, giving his friends a pleading look. "Could you please leave us alone for a moment."
"Sure."
"Of course."
"No prob."
Wesley, Gunn, and Fred turned quickly, leaving the room without a further comment. Darla, with a last smirk at Buffy and Angel sauntered out after them. Angel turned towards the brunette, "Cordelia?"
She looked at him for a moment, then held up her hands, "I'm going, I'm going. But just for the record, I was the cheerleader, Buffy never made it. She was just reserve." She turned, but stopped in the door, gazed at Angel again, "You lied to us. And I'm angry with you, and hurt. If I was Buffy I wouldn't forgive you." Then she closed the door behind her.
Staring at his toes, Angel cleared his throat, then looked up, "I'm sorry," he said, feeling instantly stupid for doing so. "Buffy-"
"No," she held up a hand, her body rigid, "Is it true?" she asked.
"I don't know," he replied.
One of her brows rose, "You don't know?" one corner of her mouth turned up in a smirk, "Do you want to tell me you were drugged or what?"
He frowned, not quite understanding, "I ... Buffy, I really don't know if the child is mine-"
"That's not what I want to know," she cut him off. "What I want to know is if you slept with her."
His mouth feeling suddenly dry, Angel nodded.
"I see," she said, wrapping her arms around her midsection. "And you never told me. You slept with Darla," her voice rose, "You slept with your sire. AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME!," she shouted, her whole body vibrating with anger.
"It wasn't really important," he said, knowing instantly it had been the wrong thing to say. And if he was completely honest with himself, it wasn't really true. The act itself might not have been important. But it had led to his epiphany and finally it brought him back to Buffy.
"Not important, huh?" she nodded, wrapping her arms tighter around herself. "Is that how you see it when you sleep with a woman. It's not important."
"God, no," he replied quickly, "Buffy, that's not-"
"No?" she gave him a sarcastic smirk. "How do I know that there's a difference between the things you did with Darla and what we did."
"But there is," he said, his voice urgent. "Buffy, I love you. You can't honestly believe-"
"Can't I?" she interrupted him again, smiling slightly. "I also believed that people die, and are allowed to rest if they do so. But hey, not Buffy. She was brought back. And everyone's so happy about it. Nobody's asking me if I even wanted it."
Angel's heart broke for her that moment. He wanted to go to her, take her in his arms. The pain and hurt in her eyes was ripping him apart, but he knew that she wouldn't allow him to touch her. Not now. Maybe not ever. NO! A voice inside of him shouted. He might have hurt her, by not telling her, but he wouldn't let his guilt rule his actions. Not anymore.
"I know it was wrong to bring you back," Angel said softly. "But don't expect me to feel bad because you're with me now. Buffy, you are the most important person in my life. We're going to have a baby together."
"Sure. Important," she snorted, "But you had no problems forgetting me when you were with her. You slept with her. And you never told me. I thought I could trust you, and now I realise I ... I can't."
"Oh, God, Buffy," Angel groaned, rubbing his face with one hand, "Don't say that. I love you. You're-"
"-the most important thing to you, I know," she said bitterly. "But you know what. It doesn't matter. Not anymore. I thought it did," her voice became unnaturally quiet and distant, "I thought ...," she shrugged, "Well, it's not important anymore." She took a step back, her eyes vacant, empty, "Have a good life, Angel." She turned to leave.
With two steps Angel was across the room, reaching out for her, "Buffy, please, I need to-"
She avoided his touch by stepping aside, "Don't," she warned, her voice low, "Don't touch me. I don't want you to touch me." A shudder went through her body, "I don't want you to touch me," she repeated, then slipped through the door, she left the room.
The End
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