Author: Jill
Disclaimer: let me check ... nope, still don't own them. Sigh! Parts of this is taken from the Buffy-season-5 episode "The Real Me" and from the Angel-season-2-episode "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been."
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: B/A, B/R and the usual pairings from the show
Distribution: my site (http://www.never-ending-love.de), Land of Denial, if you have any of my stories, take it; anybody else tell me where it goes
Summary: Set after "The Real Me" and at the end of "Are You Now or Have You Ever
Been". Buffy needs someone to talk to. This is set into cannon, in an attempt to
make the whole series more B/A-friendly. But don't expect too many smootchies!
Spoilers: the whole B/A-cannon to be sure, follows loosely "Midnight Angel". You
should probably read it to understand this. And you should have seen season 5/2
or you won't know what they're talking about.
Feedback: oh yes, please
Dedication: this goes to Mariah, because she said the story couldn't end that
way. And so it continues! The building was old. And it was huge. Well, it was a hotel, Buffy thought when
she approached the Hyperion. At least there were lights shining from the windows
that made the whole impression less forbidding.
The slayer sighed, shifting her backpack on her shoulder. Why on earth had she
taken the bus and not her mother's car to go to L.A., she wondered. You didn't
want them to know where you were going, a little voice whispered in her head. Her
father wasn't in town and so she wouldn't have had an excuse to go. No way she
would tell her friends, her mother, her sister, or - worse - Riley, she was going
to see Angel. She would never see the end of that one.
If Willow knew she would watch her with that expression on her face, Giles would
watch her with concern, Xander would tease her to no end or maybe even be angry,
her mother would freak, Dawn ... would be Dawn, and Riley... Things were bad
enough as they were, she thought, absentmindedly rubbing a spot between her eyes
to get rid of the headache that was developing there.
The shopkeeper of the magic shop she'd threatened to beat up if he wouldn't tell
her what she wanted to know, had told her that Angel was here trying to get rid
of a demon that held the hotel in its thrall.
Thrall.
Not a good word. She'd heard it far too often over the past week. Especially from
a tall, blond ex-commando, who didn't seem to be able to get over the whole
Dracula-thing. But somehow she had the feeling there was more to it. Yet, he
didn't say anything. And neither would Xander, or Giles, both of them looking at
her oddly, every time they thought she wouldn't notice.
Pushing those disturbing thoughts aside for a moment, Buffy reached for the
handle of the door and opened it. She saw Wesley, Cordelia and an
African-American guy, sitting around. They didn't notice her though.
"I've been accused of a great many things in my time. But paranoid has never been
one of them," Wesley was saying. He was different, these days, the slayer
noticed. No more stiff suits. He was wearing a sweater and looked downright
human. "Unless people have been saying it behind my back."
"You should know that people always talk behind your back," Buffy said and smiled
when three heads turned and three pairs of eyes all but stared at her. Okay, to
be fair, only two pairs of eyes were staring at her. The third pair was watching
her with interest.
Its owner raised and approached her with a guarded look on his face, "Hi," he
said, raching out a hand in greeting. "I'm Gunn."
Buffy took the offered hand, "Is that a name?," she asked. "Hi."
"And that from the girl who's called Buffy," Cordelia stood as well. Nodding at
the slayer, she raised a brow, "Are we going to be honoured with your presence
more often now?", she asked, picking a hair from her blouse, eyeing it with
disgust, then letting it fall to the ground. She sighed heavily, gazing at Buffy
again, "I knew there would be trouble when Spike was coming to L.A. That reminds
me. He still has the chip, right? Because now he can come into my apartment
whenever he wants, and-"
"Everything's fine," Buffy interrupted her and approaching the brunette, she
patted her shoulder reassuringly.
"Good," the brunette said grumpily.
The blond grinned, then looked around. "Where is he?," she asked, but before
anyone could answer she heard someone coming down the stairs and gazing up her
eyes fell on Angel, who in seeing her as well, stopped in his tracks.
"Buffy."
"Hi," she greeted him, smiling a bit uncertain.
"Uh-oh," Gunn joked from his spot, grinning at Cordelia, "I feel some vibes in
the air." The brunette just rolled her eyes.
"How did you find me?," Angel asked, slowly descending from the stairs, his eyes
on Buffy.
"Uh ... vampire grapevines?," she offered a bit weakly.
He chuckled, "I see."
Buffy broke the eye contact, to look around. "Impressive," she remarked. "But I'd
say it's more Cordy's style."
"Hey," the brunette shouted. "No insults please," she said, gazing at the shabby
interior around her. "It was an insult, right?"
"No, not really," Buffy replied, nodding approvingly at her surroundings.
"Oh." Cordelia smiled a bit sheepishly. "Well, then, thanks."
Buffy chuckled and Angel came down the rest of the stairs. "So," he said finally.
"What brings you here?"
"Uh ... can we ... talk?," she asked, looking pointedly at the others in the
room.
"Sure."
"Where?," she wanted to know.
"Uh ... on the roof. The roof was definitely nice, as far as I remember." He
chuckled when he saw the confusion in her eyes. "Long story," he told her. "I
was living here before. Years ago."
She raised a brow, then quickly glanced at Cordelia who was rolling her eyes,
then back at him. "Well, then let's go to the roof."
"Come on," he replied and showed her the way.
Cordelia stared after them, then turned to look at Gunn and Wesley, "I hate that.
When she's around, he's forgetting the rest of us."
The former watcher chuckled, "Well, she's prettier than I."
"Yeah," Cordy confirmed. "But what about me?"
Gunn looked at her pointedly, and she narrowed her eyes, "Be careful, buddie."
He shrugged and grinned, "What can I say. I always had a thing for tiny blondes."
The look, Cordelia gave him, would have made a lesser man turn to stone. Gunn,
however, just started to laugh. Throwing her hands in the air, she scoffed,
"Men."
*
When they finally reached the roof, Angel was the first to break the silence that
had settled between them. "So," he began. "Here we are. All on our own. Tell me
what's bothering you."
She sighed deeply, put her backpack on the ground and found a seat on a little
wall. "Many things," she admitted. "Ever since the Dracula thing happened, things
have changed."
He turned his head to look at her, but didn't comment, just waited, patiently,
for her to continue.
"Mom is getting on my nerves." She laughed shortly when she saw him raise a brow,
"Yeah, I know. Nothing new there. And then there's Dawn."
"Dawn?"
"Yeah, you know, Dawn. Annyoing little sister. Dawn."
"Of course I know who Dawn is. But-"
"I really love her, you know," she interrupted him, "Most of the time. But
sometimes she can be such ... such a child."
"She is a child," Angel reminded her gently.
"I know." Buffy looked at him, frowned. "But ... does that mean she doesn't need
*any* common sense? I mean, she just invited Harmony into the house. Has she lost
all her senses, or what?"
"Harmony?" Now it was Angel's turn to frown. In confusion. There was only one
Harmony in Sunnydale he remembered.
"Yeah. Harmony."
"Cordelia's Harmony?," he asked.
"The very same. She's a vampire," Buffy told him.
"She's, what?," Angel yelped.
"A vampire," the slayer confirmed again. "I don't know what happened, but then
it's Sunnydale we're living in. One day she ...," she paused, tilted her head,
remembered, "Oh, oh, I know. She came with Spike."
"Spike?" His eyes widened. "Spike?," he asked again.
"Uh-huh." Buffy nodded, stood and began to pace. "She was his ... uh ...
girlfriend, for a while."
"Harmony Kendall was Spike's-," Angel broke off, laughter shaking his whole body.
"Oh God," he managed, laughing so hard now, tears were coming into his eyes.
"Why didn't I know that before?," he asked, talking more to himself. "Last week
when he came ..." he shook his head, still laughing, "Spike and Harmony Kendall.
Does Cordy know about this?"
"No, she-," she stopped abruptly, narrowed her eyes. "Since when do you call her
Cordy?"
He shrugged, sobering, "Don't know. I just do now for a while."
"I see," Buffy said slowly, feeling something close to jealousy rising in her.
Stop that, she scolded herself. You have no right to feel jealous. You're not his
girlfriend anymore. Okay, so, it wasn't exactly your decision, but you're
screwing another these days. Angel doesn't.
"So, Dawn made a fault," the vampire said, coming back to the matter at hand.
"She'll learn from it, Buffy. She's still young. You have to patient."
"Nobody was ever patient with me," she snapped, instantly regretting the tone of
her voice. "I'm sorry," she said and sighed, sitting down again. "There are so
many things to sort out at the moment." She shook her head. "Xander and Anya are
getting really close these days. And Willow and Tara," she looked up. "Oh, did I
even tell you they are lovers."
"No," Angel shook his head, but seemed not surprised by the news. When he saw her
frown, he explained, "After meeting her evil self, I always thought there were
hidden depths to Willow."
"Oh," Buffy made, and nodded. Then she frowned again, "How much of a person's
personalitly is part of a vampire's personality?" When he started to answer, she
held up a hand. "No, better not answer that. I don't think I want to know." She
rubbed a hand over her face, feeling suddenly weary.
"How's," Angel had to clear his throat, started again, "How ... uh ... how is
Riley?" He hated asking the question, but instinctively he knew that this was the
main thing bothering her.
She stared at him incredulously, "You didn't actually ask me that?"
"Why, yes ... I thought-"
"Come on, you're not really interested in Riley."
"Well..."
She chuckled, "He's fine."
"Damn," he muttered, making her grin.
"He's actually one of things I need to talk about."
"Oh, yeah?," he asked not very enthusiastically.
"Yeah," she sighed again. "Listen, I can leave if you want ..."
"No," he shook his head, and sat down beside her. "I'm glad you came," he said
softly. "Really glad. Tell me. What about ... uh ... Riley?"
"He's ... I dunno. Different. Ever since Dracula...," she trailed off, shrugged.
"He's acting normal. Most of the time. But then I see him watching me. And it's
strange. As if he's trying to ... check me out. As if he doesn't know who I
really am."
"I see," he said.
She frowned, "Good for you. Because I don't. See, I mean. I don't understand
what's bothering him. And Giles looks at me ...," she bit her lower lip. "Do you
think they might have ...," she stopped, worrying her lower lip even more.
"What?," he probed.
"Do you think it's possible that they saw us?"
"Saw us, kissing?," he asked cautiously.
"Yeah," she nodded. "The kiss was ..."
"...intense."
"Uh-huh," she agreed. "And they might have ... had the wrong ... impression. I
mean, we're just friends, right?"
"Sure," he said, watching her.
She exhaled slowly, "It was just a kiss."
"Yeah."
"So there you see," she looked at him, stood up, then started to pace, flinging
her arms wildly in the air. "It was just a kiss. Intense, yes. But still just a
kiss. Nothing to bother about."
"No," he said quietly.
She stopped, looked at him again. "Then why ...," she paused, groaned. "Damn, I
hate that. Relationship problems are always bad."
"Yeah, bad," he agreed, and she realised he wasn't talking about Riley anymore.
But instantly he caught himself. "Buffy, I'm sorry if there's problems with
Riley."
"Oh, sure," she replied sarcastically and turned away.
He reached for her arm, held onto it. "Look at me," he demanded and when she did,
he said, "I'm sorry. I really am. I know he's important to you."
"Yes, he is," she confirmed and hated to see him flinch.
"Then I'm glad. And you're going to work it out."
She looked at him for a long time, "I'm not so sure," she said finally. "I feel
different too. I mean, that kiss was pretty impressive. I'd almost forgotten how
your kisses are."
"Buffy." It sounded pained, and now it was Angel who stood up and turned away.
"God, that's so typical for you."
He stopped in midmotion and turned back, "What? Buffy, you know, and I know, that
you and I, us, isn't possible."
"So you keep saying," she snapped. "But we were together, remember. Curse and
all. And it was ... good." Her voice almost broke in the end and she averted her
eyes to hide the tears that were forming.
"But ...," he paused, looked at her in confusion, his mind trying to understand
what she was saying. "I ... I thought you ... you loved ... Riley," he stammered.
"I ...," she hesitated again, not daring to look at him, too afraid he would read
the truth. He'd always been good at that. "Yeah, I do love him, I guess," she
said finally and added silently, 'but I love Xander too. And it's not the same.
Not what I felt ... feel ... for...' Her thoughts came to a screetching halt. No,
she wouldn't go there. That path only led to misery. And Angel was too stubborn
to see what was right in front of him.
"Buffy," he started again, but she held up a hand.
"No, don't," she pleaded, collecting herself. When she had herself under control
again, she took a deep breath and looked at him. "We just can't change what we
are, can we?"
"No, we can't," he agreed, taking the hand she was holding out to him. "But we
can be friends, Buffy. We can see each other. We can talk. That's not bad."
She looked down for a moment, then her head came up again and she nodded, "No.
It's not bad. And Riley isn't a bad guy. He's just," she paused, took a deep
breath, "He isn't you."
He smiled then, and it was so sad, it almost broke her heart. "But he's free to
love you. He can give you many things I will never be able to give you." Liar, a
little voice whispered. What about your Shanshu? Mercilessly he shoved the
thought away. "And you are right, he's not a bad guy."
"Yeah," she agreed, "And whatever happens," she went on, touching the scar at her
neck, "I'll always have this."
He swallowed visibly, and if his heart was beating, it would race now, "Yeah.
You'll always have this." He squeezed her hand. "Maybe you should just ask Giles.
You know, about the kiss. And Riley. Explain to them."
"Maybe," she replied. She smiled hesitantly at him, urging him to sit down, and
leaned her head against his shoulder. "What are you going to do about this
hotel?," she asked suddenly.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm not sure why, but somehow it suits you."
He chuckled and Buffy felt shivers run down her spine, "You're amazing. Yeah, I
think it suits me, too. We're going to move in."
There was another short silence, then she said, "It's so good to talk to you. To
just sit here with you."
His arm came around her shoulders and pulled her close, "I know," he said,
resting his head above hers. "I know."
END
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