Feedback
-10-
Angel was waiting in the living room when Sean and Buffy came in the door at six o'clock, that night. Buffy dropped her bags onto the floor and shut the door behind her. "Honey, I'm home!" she called. Angel walked to the door to meet them. Buffy gave him a quick peck on the lips before dashing off into his bedroom with a few of the bags. He turned to the infant in the stroller, "what was that about?" The baby giggled and held out his chubby arms to be lifted from the seat. Buffy was soon, back in the living room and heading toward the kitchen. "What are we doing tonight?" Angel asked, carrying Sean with him to join Buffy in the kitchen. "I thought we should stay in tonight and have a nice family dinner" she told him, while pulling ingredients to her mystery meal from his fridge. "A family meal?" Angel repeated, smiling while she bustled around the kitchen. She smiled in return, and started making dinner, after pushing the men into the living room. Angel and Sean were watching a basketball game when she called from the kitchen. "When are we getting a Christmas tree?" she asked. Angel pulled his gaze away from the athletes on the screen to look back at the kitchen door, where he caught a glance of Buffy still working at the stove, her back turned to him. "You really are quite domesticated aren't you, Miss Summers?" he teased. She turned away from the stove to face him, "Well maybe I won't cook you any meals from now on," she threw back at him. "I never said I didn't like it" he defended himself. - You have no idea how much I like it- She smiled happily and went back to stirring whatever it was she was working on that was wafting delightful scents into the living room. "Willow's Jewish so we're not having a quote/unquote `Christmas' at my apartment. Therefore, I assumed since you're coming to my mom's for the Christmas formalities, we'd just spend Christmas morning here, and let Sean enjoy his Christmas morning" She explained. Angel replied, "we'll get a tree tomorrow." There was a lengthy quiet while Angel's attention returned to the basketball game, Sean played with a toy in his father's lap, and Buffy got their dinner together. "Dinner's ready" she told them five minutes later. Angel quickly shut off the game, and carried Sean with him into the kitchen where their dinner was waiting.
After Sean had gone to bed, Buffy had nearly pushed Angel out the door to get a tree so they could surprise Sean. Half an hour later, a grumbling Angel returned with the perfect tree. "You Californians have no taste in real Christmas trees. Do you know how many vendors I had to go to, before I even saw a mildly decent one?" he exclaimed while he and Buffy set the tree up in the living room. "But you found the cream of the crop" she told him happily once they'd got the tree standing properly. While he was gone, she'd found all of his minimal Christmas decorations. "You have really pathetic Christmas decorations, you know that?"she commented. "I spent last Christmas in New York. I didn't need to decorate" Angel told her. Two hours later, Buffy had turned all his sparse decorations into a pretty and festive Christmas tree. The couple now sat, curled up together on the couch, looking at the sparkling tree. Their peaceful haze was broken by the ringing of the phone. Angel quickly picked it up, "Hello?" - This better be good- Buffy watched as Angel's expression hardened, "Hi Darla" Buffy leaned in close ot hear the conversation. "Angel, I sent you the letter to tell you I'd be in town. I'll be in Sunnydale tomorrow and I was hoping I could meet you guys for lunch or something" she said. Angel hissed back, "I thought I told you to stay out of his life, you walked away. Stay away. We will not meet you for lunch tomorrow." There was a pause on the other end, "you can't keep my son away from me Angel. I have just as many rights to him as you do, we're his biological parents. I will see him, sooner or later." Angel squeezed his hand tighter around the phone, "if you must see him, it will be under my terms. Tomorrow afternoon, one o'clock, no sooner, no later. We'll meet at my apartment, and you can see Sean." Darla agreed to the proposition, and hung up. Angel slammed the phone back into the cradle, "She can't do this!" he exclaimed angrily. Buffy gently massaged his shoulders, "I know, but what can you do" she whispered. Angel stated calmly, "I can sue for full custody." Buffy was shocked for a moment, "what?" "I'll sue for full custody of Sean. She can't do this to him. I won't let her." Buffy sat silently, taking in everything he'd just said. "What do you think?" he asked her. "I- I don't know what to think. I mean, she may not be the best mother for him, but, he needs one. He needs a mother, and she's it!" Buffy reasoned. "He doesn't know her anyway! You're more of his mother than she is!" he replied. " You know I love Sean, but he needs a mother who's there all the time, someone who will take care of him and be there when he gets home from school and..." Buffy trailed off as she saw the odd look on Angel's face, "what?" Angel smiled at her, "marry me." For the second time that night, Buffy sat in absolute shock. "What?!" Angel's smile got even bigger, "Marry me. You could be there all the time, you could be there when he gets home from school, you could be his mother, you could be my wife" he exclaimed. "I....I don't know what to say" Buffy whispered, sinking back into the couch. Angel's smile fell slightly, but he kneeled in front of her, and looked into her eyes, "say yes." There was long pause, while Buffy thought of what to say. - Please say yes. She has to say yes.- - I can't believe he just asked that. Does he know how badly I wished he'd say that....someday, but not now. Why `not now'? What difference is gong to make? Hell, I'll be twenty in January, why not?- "Yes" she whispered. He wasn't positive she'd said it. -It could have been wishful thinking- "yes, I'll marry you" she repeated. He pulled her off the couch and into his arms for a long kiss. "God, I love you" he whispered once their lips had parted. "I love you too" she added. On that thought, he swept her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, leaving the Christmas tree to sparkle behind them.
One o'clock came too early for Angel's liking, the only things that kept him sane were Buffy and Sean. Sean had a care free smile and was content to play with Buffy forever when the doorbell rang. Angel got up to answer it, Buffy had picked up Sean and was right on his heels. Angel opened the door to find a smiling Darla on the other side. Sean was quick to bury his head against Buffy and hide behind his father's shadow. Darla had yet to see Buffy or Sean and so she breezed up to Angel and kissed him quickly. When Angel didn't return the gesture, she stepped back, and looked up at him, perplexed. "What's wrong, sweetie. I thought you got my note" she asked sweetly. "Oh, we got your note" Buffy said from behind him. Darla looked around Angel's shoulder at the younger blonde, holding Sean. Darla scowled, but then turned her attention back to Angel. "What do you say, lover? You and me. Just like the old days" she murmured. Angel glowered, "I'm not looking to relive my past. Especially my past with you. Did you come here to see Sean, or to try and steal me back?" he asked, becoming very frustrated with her agenda. "A little of both, but I'll settle for Sean" she replied smoothly. She took a step toward the baby, "come on, Seanie. Come to mommy" she cooed. Sean made a yelp and a whimper at her attentions and wrapped his arms around Buffy tightly. Darla frowned at the infant and sighed in frustration, "come on, you little twerp, we have places to be!" she exclaimed. "No you don't" Angel said calmly, yet with authority. "My son is not going anywhere with you" Angel told her. "How exactly are you going to stop me, Liam? We already discussed this. You cannot keep me away from my son. He's *our* son, Liam" she rebuked. " He's under my care right now, and he's not going anywhere with you, Darla." Angel replied, taking Sean from Buffy and holding him away from Darla. Darla stood in silent rage for a moment, looking between Buffy, Angel and Sean. "I suggest you go now" Buffy taunted in a mock whisper. Darla screamed her outrage at the blonde, but stormed out of the apartment none the less. "Well, that went well" Buffy teased, with a nonchalant shrug. Angel sighed, and closed the door Darla had just left. "I have to say it was one of her better visits" Angel replied half heartedly.
By Christmas Eve, Angel had, had documents drawn for his custody suit and Darla had been subpoenaed. Buffy and Angel had decided to hold off on announcing their engagement until later, and were now headed to Mrs. Summers house for a quiet Christmas dinner. "What are you so worried about, I know my mom will love you" Buffy told Angel as he fidgeted with his collar on the Summers' porch. Buffy rung the bell and they waited for a moment before Mrs. Summers opened the door. Joyce Summers quickly swept Buffy into a tight hug, then gestured them all in. While Buffy took Sean into the other room, to get his coat off, Joyce and Angel stood in uncomfortable silence. After a long pause, Joyce started, "so, you must be Liam" she started. "Yes, pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Summers" he replied nervously, extending his hand for her to shake. She nodded and took the proffered hand. "You have an adorable son. He looks just like you." she said. "Thank you" Angel said, taking it as a compliment. Another uncomfortable lull had fallen over them when Buffy and Sean finally reappeared. Sean happily waved to the new friend he'd made a few days ago. Joyce smiled at the infant and took him from Buffy's arms. "Let's go see what Grandma Joyce left in the kitchen for you shall we? Hm?" Joyce asked Sean as she carried him into the kitchen. - This is going to be a long night, if she hates me-
As dinner was presented on the table, the interrogation began. "So Angel what do you do?" Mrs. Summers asked, flashing a small smile at the flustered young man. "Well, I own a few companies in New York" he answered hesitantly, looking to Buffy for aid. Unfortunately, she was busy feeding his son, and therefore didn't help him. "Really? What sort of companies?" Mrs Summers prodded. Angel looked at her blankly for a moment, but continued on none the less, "Ah, one is an investment firm, the other is a small but accomplished computer software manufacturer." Joyce smiled politely, "you must a have quite a knack for business, if you own two companies." Angel smiled tensely, in return. She threw in one of her tougher questions, " where did you get your degree?" Angel again looked to Buffy for aid, she was looking at him but her eyes held no answers. "I, ah, I attended Yale, actually ma'am" Angel told the older woman. "A wealthy family, also, I assume. What year did you graduate, exactly?" Joyce finally asked, barely hiding her intentions behind the false smile still glued to her face. Buffy snapped her head up to glare at her mother, as the question was asked. A deep silence settled over the table as Joyce continued her charade of polite interest, Buffy glared at her offensive mother, and Angel sat in uncomfortable silence. "I graduated in 1999, ma'am" Angel finally told her, keeping a pleasant facade on his face as well, though inside fraying, at this woman's obvious intentions. "Ah, the same year Buffy graduated from highschool" Mrs. Summers remarked, with her sickly sweet smile. Sean decided to break in at this point, "Ma? No pea!" he complained, throwing the small green vegetables around on his plate. "Eat your peas, and you can have a cookie later" Angel reasoned with the small boy, who happily accepted the offer. Sean halfheartedly chewed the peas, watching as his `parents' and Joyce continued their discussion. Joyce backed off on Angel, "So how were your exams, dear?" Joyce asked. Buffy smiled tersely at her mother. - How could she act like that? That was so uncalled for!- "They were fine" she replied, going back to her dinner. Joyce nodded, and the rest of the meal was eaten in silence.
Sean conked out at seven, in a sea of red wrapping paper from the gifts Joyce had bought for him. Angel had taken Sean and his gifts out to the car, and was putting Sean in the baby seat, while Buffy talked to her mother. "What the hell was that?" Buffy said, from her place by the kitchen door. Joyce turned around to look at her daughter. Buffy was dressed in her black suede coat and was ready to leave, but Joyce could sense that her daughter wasn't going to leave until this was off her chest. "What the hell was with your interrogation of my boyfriend?! You knew he was older than me, you know he has a son! What is so wrong with that, that you can't accept us?" Buffy ranted at her mother. Joyce took a deep breath, "He's seen a lot of things you've seen, done things you've never done. If you tie yourself down to him you'll never see or do them either. He has a son, Buffy. Granted, Sean is the most precious little boy, but he is still a baby. Are you ready to spend all your romantic nights out, with a baby in a stroller in front of you?" Joyce returned. Buffy shook her head, and bit her lip not to say anything that she'd regret. -But I could get her back so well right now...- Deciding Joyce's heart could handle a good scare, Buffy threw down the clincher, "It doesn't matter, Mom. We're getting married" Joyce's eyes bulged from her head, "What?!" she nearly screamed. A self satisfied smirk, adorned Buffy's face, "I think you heard me just fine" Buffy told her mother before breezing out of the room, toward the front door. "Stop right there, Buffy Anne Summers! You're not leaving this house, without discussing this with me" Joyce yelled after her. "Watch me" Buffy said, clichéd yes, but effective. Joyce stared at the door, as it closed after her daughter.
Angel watched Buffy walk to the car with a satisfied smile on her face. She slid into the seat beside him, "That was fun. We should do this more often" she said, kissing his cheek. "Speak for yourself" he grumbled, and switched on the ignition. Buffy gently turned his head to look at her, "Kiss me?" she asked. -How can I refuse a request like that?- So, in full view of Joyce from the large dining room window, the lovers kissed and Sean slept on in the back of the car.
-11-
Christmas morning, came late at the Roarke apartment. Sean, surprisingly, didn't wake until nearly ten o'clock. Sean's yelling was what finally woke Buffy and Angel. "Ma!" "Da!" Sean yelled from his crib in the next room. "Your son is better that an alarm clock" Buffy groaned, immersing herself deeper into Angel's bed. "Just think, soon, he'll be our son" Angel teased, pulling the blankets back from her face. "No, he'll still be your son when he wakes me from a pleasant dream" she replied. Angel chuckled at her misfortune, dragging her out of bed to collect Sean. "Come on, it's Christmas" he chastised her. Buffy rolled her eyes, but put on a smile for Sean's sake anyway. She quickly grabbed her robe to cover, the neglige she wore to bed, then followed her fiancé to Sean's room, then the Christmas tree. Angel placed Sean on the floor, where the baby happily crawled to a large present. Sean pulled himself up by the box, the began to look for a way to get the paper off. "I think our best bet is to take all our present's now, then just let him go at the rest" Angel told her. She smiled and nodded in response. Angel quickly grabbed all of the presents for himself and Buffy, taking them back to the couch, where they could watch Sean and open their gifts. "Open the little one first" Angel told her, handing her the correct box. She looked at him suspiciously, but took it from him none the less. She carefully removed the dark blue paper to reveal a black velvet ring box. "What is it?" She asked, looking up at him. He smiled secretively in return. Sean had taken a pause in his paper shredding to observe his parents. Buffy delicately lifted the lid of the tiny box. Nestled on a pillow of cream coloured silk, sat a huge diamond engagement ring. "I thought I'd make it official" Angel told her, kneeling in front of her seated form. Buffy stared in amazement at the large rounded diamond in the platinum setting. "Do you like it? We can get a different one if you-" Angel's rant was cut off, when her lips were pressed to his. After a long, but gentle kiss, Buffy told him, "I love it. It's exquisite. Thank you" "I love you" he told her, sliding the ring on her finger, and pressing his lips to hers. Once their lips parted again, she whispered, "I love you too." "Ma!" came Sean's plaintive wail. Buffy looked up to see, Sean trying to show her his new stacking blocks. "They're very nice Sean" Buffy told him with a smile. Sean grinned and found another box to attack. Angel had shifted behind her on the couch and he gently cradled her against his chest. Buffy collected on box out the pile of presents waiting for them, "Here, you can open this one." Buffy snuggled against his chest, while he reached around her to open the gift. He pulled off the paper, to reveal the box, embellished with the Victoria's Secret logo. "I'll hold off on this one until later," he whispered into her ear, "preferably when we're more alone." He pressed a gentle kiss against her neck, but before anything could get any further, Sean commanded their attention once again. "Sean, be careful with the Christmas ornaments."
-I cannot wait until Sean goes to bed- Angel was trying to distract Sean's attention with one of his new toys while Buffy got dinner together. "Sean, go play with Daddy" Buffy told the baby, who was seated behind her on the kitchen floor. "Sean help Ma" the boy proclaimed loudly. "But Sean, Daddy's lonely without you" Buffy told him. Sean looked at her, like he was starting to bend. "You know what Sean can do to help Buffy?" she whispered, conspiratorially to the infant. Sean came closer to hear exactly what she wanted him to help with. "Keep your Daddy out of the kitchen, there's a big surprise for him, and we don't want to spoil it, do we?" she bargained. Sean nodded and toddled off to keep his father occupied. " Never again do we let that child have chocolate first thing in the morning" she muttered to herself, while returning to cutting up vegetables to go in their salad.
After all the excitement of Christmas, Sean was asleep before Buffy could get dinner on the table. "I never thought he would actually sleep tonight" Buffy kidded while they ate. Angel smiled slightly, but didn't comment. "Did you have a merry Christmas?" Buffy asked, jovially. Angel looked at her seriously, "Did you?" Buffy looked at him in blank comprehension, for a long pause. "Excuse me?" she asked when he didn't comment any further. "Did you enjoy spending Christmas with us?" Angel asked again. "Yes, of course" Buffy told him with a smile. Angel released the breath he'd been holding. "Why did you even ask that?" Buffy requested of him. "I... After dinner at your Mom's last night...maybe she's getting the right idea. You have your whole life ahead of you. You can finish college, get a job....and not be tied down to me and Sean" he explained. Buffy carefully stood and walked toward him, gracefully sitting herself in his lap, so she could look him in the eye. "I want this. You Sean are not tying me down, I love you guys" She stated softly. Angel didn't have a reply, and so he leaned forward and gently kissed her lips. She pulled away after a moment, "I'd love to continue this but we have a visitor" Angel looked at the doorway. Sean was drowsily rubbing his eyes, clutching his blanket in his chubby, baby hand. "What is it, little guy?" Angel asked him. Sean pouted, and looked at his Mom and Dad, "Hungry" he told them. Angel chuckled, and motioned for his son to come into the room. "I bet you are" Buffy teased, "and you almost missed out on the cookie, you get for keeping dinner a secret from Daddy." Instantly, the child looked at her, completely awake. "Cookie?" he asked hopefully. Buffy smiled and nodded walking back to the counter to get the dinner waiting for Sean.
"I think this is the best Christmas, I've ever had" Angel told her, from his perched in his bed. Buffy had disappeared into the bathroom a few minutes ago. "Really?" was her reply. Angel glanced up from the paper he was reading to see, her posed alluringly in his bedroom doorframe. He was speechless, - She really looks like my angel- Buffy was dressed, in a deeply cut, full length silk night gown in the softest shade of gold. Her hair had been swept back into a clip, letting the shorter strands fall around her face. "Merry Christmas" she whispered, gracing him with a soft smile. Angel still couldn't speak as she closed the door, and while she made her way to the bed. "You're beautiful" he whispered, huskily as she bent over him to take the newspaper from his hands. She smiled again, and flipped off the lamp beside the bed. Once, everything was how she wanted it, she kissed him. Desire flooded through him at the simple touch of her lips, making him painfully aroused, for her. Her hands slid over his chest and down to his hips, where she divested him over his boxers, thus leaving him completely naked and at her mercy. "Mmm..." she whispered against his ears once their lips had parted, "how do you like your Christmas present?" Quickly, he flipped them over so she was beneath him, surrounded by the cool, dark bedding. "I love it. I love you" he told her, before burying his head in the crook of her shoulder and kissing down her neck and chest. "I love you too" she whispered. Moaning as his tongue found the delicate spot behind her ear, she rolled them on their side so she could place his hands on the strings against her back. Angel nearly tore the garment from her, to expose the waiting bronzed skin below. "Inouìn" he groaned as the silk came free and was pulled from her body. His tongue began a new trail down her body, running between her breast, down to her navel, and lower. "Stop" she moaned before he could reach his intended destination. "Not tonight" she told him with a sultry smile, "I just want you, tonight." -How can I refuse, something I want just as badly?- Angel climbed back up his body, pressing his lips to her's to drink in every bit of her that she'd allow. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and she ground her pelvis against his, to show him exactly what she wanted. He quickly thrust home, breathing their kiss, as the feeling of rightness came over him. - She's mine. She's going to be my wife, and I'll get to enjoy this everyday...- Slowly, nearly painfully slow, he began to move inside her, creating the friction they both craved. -I've never felt like this with anyone else. I don't want to feel this with anyone else. God, I'm lucky- Soft moans and whispered endearment, could be heard throughout the apartment, but Sean slept on oblivious to the action occurring in the next bedroom.
-12-
The constant ringing of the phone woke Buffy, Angel and Sean the next morning. Angel and Buffy continued to lay entwined for a moment hoping that the person would just give up, but no such luck. With a groan, Buffy rolled out of bed, grabbed her silk robe from a nearby chair, then sauntered out of the room to calm Sean. Angel watched her leave, and nearly attempted to follow her if the constant shrill of the phone wasn't still there. -I'm going to kill whoever this is- Gruffly, Angel answered, "Hello?" "Oh thank God you're okay. We were so worried when you didn't phone last night. We were sure something was wrong. You always phone" Marianne babbled for the other end of the line. "Ah...Sorry, I got busy last night" Angel told his step mother. "Well, how was your Christmas, Liam?" Marianne asked. After a long talk to his mother, she finally brought up what he'd been dreading. "Darla told us you're filing for full custody of Sean." Angel nodded his head slightly on the other end of the line, even though she couldn't see it. "Yeah. I am" was the reply. "Liam! You can't do that! Why on earth would you want to do that to yourself! You have no one to help you with that baby!" Marianne ranted. "Marianne! Buffy helps me with Sean all the time. Darla abandoned him, claiming some pretty fucking selfish reasons for doing it. Buffy is like Sean's mother now! We will do fine with Sean!" Angel retorted, his anger quickly rising. - The bitch is trying to play my family into getting me to drop the case. Was I ever right when I said my dad and her made a fitting pair.- "You're going to saddle down a college sophomore with the responsibilities of being a mother to a child that isn't even her own?!" Marianne yelled over the phone. "She accepted this willingly, and if she ever wanted out, she'd be free to do so!" Angel hissed. Marianne sighed and there was a brief pause where neither said anything. "I didn't phone to fight with you..." "Right, you'll just let dad phone me tomorrow, and let him yell some, for his precious Darla" Angel added, cutting her off. "No, I won't," Marianne replied, "I just think you should let Darla have another chance." Angel looked up at Buffy as she entered the room with Sean on her hip. - She looks so perfect with him, and they love each other so much.- "I can't do that Marianne," he whispered, never taking his eyes off his fiancee, "I'm engaged to Buffy." Then he hung up the phone, not waiting to hear her protests. Buffy smirked, "so much for keeping our engagement a secret."
"Sean? Where's the red ring?" Buffy asked the toddler, after dinner. He carefully selected the biggest, red ring from the pile. "Ringy, ringy, ringy" Sean sang happily as he placed the red ring on the post in front of him. Sean ginned at Buffy once he'd got it to fit onto the peg. "Ma have ringy" Sean stated, looking at her finger. Buffy looked confused for a moment before realizing he was talking about her engagement ring. "Yes, Buffy has a ring" she told him. Again, the infant ignored that she was trying to coax him into saying her name rather than `Mom.' "Ma ringy pretty" Sean told her confidently. "Thank you" Buffy told him, adding a cordial bow, just to amuse him. Sean laughed and clapped his hands together at her antics. Buffy felt someone tap her on the shoulder, "May I have this dance, milady?" Angel asked. "Certainly, if it is alright with this kind fellow" she replied gesturing to the baby. Sean's smile grew even wider and he clapped his hands again. "I'll take that as a yes" Angel stated, before sweeping her off into his arms and spinning her in great arcs around the room. She was dizzy and laughing so hard, they finished that she nearly collapsed onto the floor, sending her into more laughter. He carefully helped her to the couch where he sat with her perched in his lap. Sean dragged over a book, and pulled himself up to show his dad. "Stowy" Sean asked. Buffy's laughter had nearly stopped now. "Come here, little guy" she said as she shifted off Angel's lap and snuggled herself against the crook of his arm. She gently hoisted the toddler and the book onto her lap. "Here" she said as she handed Angel the book, "You're reading." She nestled herself closer against his chest, and listened while he softly read to Sean. Angel read for a good half hour before he glanced down, noticing that his audience was sound asleep. Sean was curled against Buffy's chest and she inturn was resting against his own. -This is perfection- Watching their slow, calming breaths, Angel slowly drifted off to sleep, as well.
Buffy woke up, when the bundle in her arms was squirming. She cracked open an eye to see Sean trying to slide of her lap and onto the floor. The room was flooded with morning sunlight. -Obviously, that turned into more than a short nap- Buffy watched Sean toddle to his rings and resume playing with them just as he had done, last night. A strong arms tightened around her waist. She sighed softly and snuggled against his chest. "`Morning" he whispered, his voice hoarse with sleep. "Good morning to you too" she replied. "When did you wake up?" he asked, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "When he did. Just a couple of minutes ago" she stated. Together they watched Sean, frustrated with the green ring that wouldn't slide on before the orange ring. "You want some breakfast?" she asked him. Quickly she got off the couch, ruffling Sean's hair, as she walked past, on her way to the kitchen. Angel stared after her in awe, "She's one of a kind, you know that? She's one of a kind" addressing his son. Sean looked after Buffy as well, then went back to hitting the green ring on the pole. Angel chuckled at his son's mishap, "come on, maybe you and I should have a shower before breakfast." Angel scooped his son into his arms, and carried him to the bathroom.
When he turned off the shower, the scent of homemade muffins wafted to him. Angel stepped out of the shower still holding Sean in his arms. "You know, if you'd invited me, I would have joined you as well" she stated him from the doorway. "Somehow, I think, that if you had joined us the activities in that shower might be too much for young eyes" he teased. She smiled, and carefully lifted the wet child from his arms. "Let's get you dried off and dressed," Buffy told Sean as they left the room, one of the large fluffy towels, swamping the baby. Angel shrugged on a robe and went into his own room, to get dressed as well. "Why don't I get help getting dressed?" he teased from his own room. "Mostly, because then I'd have to dress myself again as well" she called back from Sean's room.
-13-
The rest of the vacation passed quickly. New Years was spent at home. They invited Cordy, Doyle, Oz and Willow to join them, the three couples enjoyed a quiet holiday. After that there was only a few days until Buffy and Willow headed back to classes and even less days until the first court date with Darla. The day before Angel had to appear in court he spent the whole day at his lawyer's offices in LA, while Buffy, Sean and Willow were there for some "post Christmas sale" shopping. "I think we have a pretty good case Angel, I wouldn't worry about this too much. Darla obviously wasn't a fit mother" his lawyer explained. "Great, so I'll see you on Wednesday" Angel said, getting up to leave. "Ah, Mr. Roarke, there is one thing we should discuss further" he stated. "Yes? What is it?" Angel asked sitting in his chair once more. The lawyer squirmed in his seat slightly, trying to think of how to phrase what he had to say, "the defence will most likely bring to the court's attention your fiancee. Now usually this would aid our case, that Sean would have a mother figure as well, should he be left in your care....but as Miss Summers is so young and your relationship has been rather short, this doesn't play into our favour" "So what are you saying?" Again the lawyer squirmed hoping to avoid this, "I would recommend you either lie about your relationship or break off the engagement"
Buffy and Willow were grabbing a quick dinner in the food court, when Buffy's cell phone went off. "Hello?" she answered. Willow looked on as Buffy agreed with whoever was on the other side of the line, then her face began to fall, and she promptly hung up. "What is it?" the red head asked in concern. "It's nothing, Wills. I just think Angel's holding something out on me, he sounded kind of upset on the phone" Buffy explained. Willow nodded, watching a her friend went back to somewhat eating the Chinese food on her plate. "Are you sure you're okay Buffy?" Willow asked. The blonde nodded, and leaned down to fix up the shirt that was riding up on Sean as he slept. "We should get going"Buffy said, picking up her tray to throw out and pushing Sean toward the front doors of the mall.
The drive home had been quiet, dead silent was more the term Willow was using, and she was almost grateful to be out of the car when they pulled up to her apartment. "I'll see you later Buffy" she said, "thanks Angel." Willow quickly jogged up the path to the apartment door then disappeared inside. Angel drove back to his home, again the car was quiet except for Sean's mumbles in his sleep. Once they had gotten inside the apartment, Buffy put Sean to bed. Angel flopped onto the couch, knowing he had to tell her what the lawyer had told him, but not knowing how. "So what did the lawyer tell you?" Buffy whispered, siting beside him. Angel sighed loudly and looked at her, for her his eyes held it all. -This is definitely not what I want to hear- "He's pretty sure we're going to win the case, his only worry in when the defence brings up..." "Us" she finished for him. He nodded, slightly, taking her hand in his. Tears were welling up in her eyes, "what are our options here?" she asked softly through the tears clogging her throat. "He suggested we either lie about this or break it off" Angel explained. A tears was sliding down her cheek, but she seemed oblivious to that as she nodded, never taking her eyes from his. Angel gently brushed away her tear, as she gently nuzzled her head into his caress. "I'm not willing to do either of those things, beloved. I love you, what other people think, doesn't matter to me" he said. "When it's whether or not you'll get to keep your child, it does" she told him. Angel shook his head, "We have a strong case we'll win anyway" Angel told her, bending his head and kissing the diamond engagement ring on her finger. More tears fell down her face, but went unnoticed as Angel kissed her, letting his love shine through in his embrace. She didn't object as he carried her out of the room, and toward their bedroom. - I love him too much to let him do this-
Angel woke the next morning, to a sensation he hadn't felt in a while, an empty bed. He cracked open his eyes to take in the room around him. All of Buffy's junk had disappeared off his dressed and bedside tables, rom the little he could see of the bathroom, all her things were gone from there too. Angel stood and pulled on his boxers and a robe. Pulling open the closet, he found nothing but his own clothes. "No" he whispered, as though she could hear him, and he could stop her "don't do this." Angel spun around again to look at the bed, her side was gently made, and in the centre of the pillow, sat the sparkling diamond ring he had given her for Christmas. "Please Buffy" he whispered, "don't do this to me." Angel ran into the living room on the slim hope that maybe she hadn't got any further than that. Angel's gaze spun around the room, hoping that she had left something to give him a chance to contact her. His eyes caught a letter on the table beside the door. Angel grabbed it, and opened it. Her distinctive writing was scrawled across the page, starting with the words; I'm Sorry.
< I'm Sorry, but I can't let you give up something as precious as your son, for me. I love you more than you'll ever know, but I never grew up with a dad and I know how bad it can be. Sean deserves parents that love him unconditionally, and you know I do, but I'm not Darla. Give her another chance, she may surprise you. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm not staying here. Maybe everyone was right, I'm just too young and I don't know what I want. All I know for sure, is that no one will ever love Sean more than you, and I would kill myself if I stood in between you and your son. Maybe, someday, I'll tell you where I am, but in the meantime don't wait for me, because I won't be back for a while. Move on, be happy, and fight for your son. Don't give up because I'm gone. Know that I'll always love you.
Yours
Eternally,
Buffy>
-14-
Angel slumped to the floor, and started at the letter clasped in his hands. -It's the last time I'll ever hear from her- "Why did you do this?" he whispered through tears that were falling uncontrollably down his face. "I can't do this without you" he sobbed.
Angel was still sitting on the floor like that when Willow arrived an hour later. "Angel" the red head, whispered falling to the ground beside him. "God! Are you okay?" she whispered. Angel didn't reply, he stared at the note in his hands, his eyes were red, due to the tears he'd obviously shed. Willow reached out a hand to take the note from him, but the instant she got close to touching the letter, he pulled it against him and looked at her as if she tried to take that letter from him, he'd attack her. "How did you get in here, Willow?" Angel asked gruffly, pulling himself up from the floor, trying to put some strength forward. "She left a note, which I'm assuming is like yours and she left me the keys to your place asking me to return them" Willow said, her voice cracking. It was then he noticed the tears tracks left down Willow's face, from her own tears. Angel gathered the sentimental young girl into his arms, "Why?" Willow sobbed against him. "She knew I'd get myself into trouble, trying to keep my engagement to her and fight for Sean" Angel croaked, more tears breaking to the surface. "Oh God" he shuddered, thinking of all the things he had never really thought about, but now, would never get to do with her. "How's Sean?" Willow asked. Angel then remembered Sean hadn't made a peep this morning, Angel quickly let go of the young girl and sprinted into Sean's bedroom. Sean was wide away and staring at the door. Angel picked Sean up, out of the crib, and looked at him. Sean's eyes held the acceptance that things would never be the same again. Angel then noticed at note sitting on Sean's dresser. In her writing she had written, For Sean's Eyes Only. Angel picked up the note and placed it inside a small chest sitting on Sean's dresser. Carefully, he carried the toddler back into the living room where Sean was enveloped in a hug by Willow. Sean returned the hug as he always did, simply because he was an affectionate child, but this time his eyes held understanding and even Sean seemed to know that his `Mom' was gone for good.
-15-
7 months later... July 14, 2002
A knocking at the door disturbed Angel's reverie. He'd been
half watching cartoons with Sean. He hadn't been expecting anyone,
Cordelia and Doyle weren't coming to watch Sean until seven but it
was now four in the afternoon. "Hold on" Angel called leaving Sean on
the couch, while he headed for the door. He opened the door to find a
delivery man there. "Yes?" Angel asked. "I have a package for a Liam
Roarke..." The delivery man stated. Angel nodded his head and took
the clipboard from the boy and signed for it. The boy passed over the
package then walked down the hallway. Angel shut the door after him,
staring at the package oddly. He hadn't been expecting anything, but
when he looked at the address written on the package, he knew, though
the return address was his parents', that the soft script was in fact
Buffy's. Angel nearly tore the paper off the box in an attempt to get
at anything that was inside. As the paper came away, a note fell out
from between the box and the packaging paper. Angel picked it up off
the floor;
< Happy Birthday, Darling. I can't tell you where I am, but I am safe,
and missing you and Sean. All my love,
Buffy>
Angel re-read the note before removing the rest of the wrapping far
more carefully, then set about inspecting the box. It wasn't large or
embossed with any kind of logo, it was as though the box was as big
an enigma as she was. He lifted the lid off the box and inside found
another note nestled in the tissue paper surrounding the actual
gift. - Just hearing from her is gift enough-
< I saw it in a small shop's window and I knew you'd appreciate it. So
I got it. I hope you like it. I also got Sean something, tell him I
love him.>
Angel pulled away the tissue paper to reveal a copy of Edgar Allan Poe. He was examining the book so closely he never noticed Sean walk toward him , until Sean dragged his attention away by hitting him in the leg. "Who send tha?" Sean asked, pointing to the gift Angel still held. "Mommy sent us this" Angel explained to the toddler. "Ma?" Sean asked excitedly running to the door, thinking that Buffy had actually come back. "No, buddy," Angel told him, scooping the young boy into his arms, "Mommy didn't come back, but she says she loves you very much." Sean's lower lip quivered slightly, "No Ma?" he asked, softly, nearly a whisper. Angel just looked at his son and shook his head. Sean rested his head against his father's shoulder and stayed quiet. "Look, Mommy got you a present" Angel said, passing the toddler the pop-up book about a puppy that had been nestled under the book of poetry. Sean eagerly accepted the gift and hugged it to his chest. "Ma read" Sean declared. Angel didn't have the heart to tell the child that his `Mom' may not be back to read it to him for a long while yet.
When Cordy and Doyle arrived at seven, Sean was already asleep on the couch, and Angel was deep in thought, for the millionth time, about what he could have done differently to keep her from running. "Oh God" Cordelia groaned seeing him that way, she reminded him, "Whether you want to or not you are going out to celebrate your birthday the way a normal, healthy, non infatuated guy your age should." Angel pulled himself from his thoughts. "I know when I've been beaten, I am going Cordelia" he told her. Cordelia nodded happily, "Okay, so where's my little munchkin?" she asked excitedly. Angel motioned to the sleeping boy on the floor. "He wore himself out" Angel told her with a grin. "At least we know that he knows how to have fun, probably picked that up from his mom" Cordelia teased. Angel smiled falsely, for his friend. -I know he got it from his `mother'- While pretending to be pleased and excited about his night out, Angel left his apartment. But instead of heading out to a bar or club as Cordelia and the rest of his friends would have him do, he escaped to the quiet coffee shop where he had broken up with her the first time. Seated at one of the outdoor tables, Angel pulled out the book of poetry, as well as one of the only pictures he had of her, himself and Sean. There he sat, examining the picture and reading the poetry, in the dying rays of the sun and later under the harsh streetlights surrounding the café.
3 months later....October 7, 2002
On this occasion Angel had been expecting a package to arrive. Naturally, since she had sent something for himself, on his birthday, he assumed, Sean would be receiving something for his second birthday. Of course, he never expected what he saw, when he opened the door and found a delivery man waiting with a box, up to his waist. Angel signed for the package and pulled the box inside. Though it was large, the box was relatively light. Sean had come running as soon as Angel had closed the door again, and Angel watched as his eyes grew large at the sight of the box. Willow walked up behind him, "Wow...Buffy really went all out didn't she?" the red head commented. Sean looked at the box again, "From Ma?" he asked. When Angel nodded, Sean practically jumped at the box, trying to get the paper off a box almost twice his size. Angel had to help him, but Sean was so excited to see his most longed for present, that he needed absolutely no help to tear the box away from the toddler size, working car. Angel had to laugh, at how she had picked a replica of his own car to give Sean. On the ground Angel noticed another note from her, and placed the precious item, into his back pocket to read later after the guests had left and Sean was asleep. "Please Da?" Sean asked, giving his father the patented Buffy puppy dog eyes. - I never could resist those eyes- Angel nodded, "but you have to let me make sure it's all working right first, okay?"he told his son. Sean agreed reluctantly, then bounced off to tell all his guests about the great gift his `mother' had sent him. "Aunt Cory, Unke Doyle" Sean yelled running off into the living room.
Everyone had left, and everything was clean by ten o'clock, and then and only then did Angel allow himself to sit down with her letter. He looked at the front of the envelope for a long while, just examining the way she wrote his name. He could still remember every detail of her face, down to every fleck of colour in her eyes. "Where are you, Beloved?" he whispered to no one in particular. Reverently, he opened the letter, careful not to damage it.
I love you. I miss you so much. I realized the other day that it was the anniversary of the day we first met. As pathetic as it sounds, I celebrated in my typical style. In other words, I sat around in my apartment and drank myself silly, cried a little, ate all the chocolate my body could hold, then went to bed hoping to sleep until the next week. I hope you didn't celebrate in much the same fashion. I almost find myself hoping you didn't celebrate, or in other words brood, at all. On one hand I'm hoping you've found some one else and are currently, laughing at my stupidity, and only remembering the stupid college sophomore you dated, way back when. Then of course there is the side of me hoping you haven't forgotten and were mourning me like I did you. If I'm honest with myself, the second one would win out, but I have to think of being a responsible adult, and that side's kinda rooting for the first one. Anyway, I'm doing fine, and I still can't tell you where I am, but remember that even if I'm on the other side of the world, I will always love my guys. Remind Sean how much I love him, and hug him for me.
Buffy
Angel re read that letter countless times, always wondering what she was doing now, where she was, and even though she assured his she was okay, he always wondered if she was just saying that to make him feel better. She had sent similar notes to Willow and her mother, and every time she assured them of her safety and love, but he doubted, none the less. "Why can't you just come home?" he asked the empty room. The answer to his question was Sean's cry.
-16-
December 23, 2002
Angel lifted his sleeping son from the rental car, and slowly walked up the driveway toward the house. Just as she had the year before, Marianne came down the driveway and met her son half way. Marianne carefully took her sleeping grandson from Angel's arms and carried him the rest of the way inside while Angel got the bags. "Liam!" Laura greeted happily, running from the parlour to meet him. "Hey" he said through a chuckle as he was caught in a tight hug. "Oh, Sean is so adorable, as usual" Laura gushed. Laura and Reanne had always fawned over Sean and this was no exception. "Thank you" Angel said pulling away from his sister. After Angel had shed his coat he and Laura headed back toward the parlour, where just as he had last year, Corwin Roarke sat in his chair, reading his newspaper. "Where's Reanne, Rick and Daniella" Angel asked his sister. "Oh they're coming in tomorrow" she explained, then flopped herself down on the couch. "I should go unpack" Angel stated, excusing himself, and heading for the door. Unfortunately, before he made it there, Corwin decided to start asking his questions, "why didn't you bring your friend back this year?" Laura perked up, she had always been one for gossip, "yeah, I was kinda hoping to get to meet her, this year" Laura said. Angel cleared his throat, but didn't turn around to face them, "we're not friends any longer." Corwin laughed slightly, "you were never friends to start out with" he commented. Angel did turn around at that, he glared at his father, waiting for an explanation. "Oh, don't patronize me, Liam. She had a rather large mark on her neck, last year, if I remember correctly. And that was after leaving Sean to spend the night here. Are you going to tell me that the mark, wasn't your doing?" Mr. Roarke dead panned. Angel snorted dismissively, then headed for the door without a comment. "You messed it up, didn't you? Just like Darla" the older man continued. Angel stormed back toward his, "what the fuck would you know about it, old man?" Angel yelled, "you haven't given a shit about me for my entire life!" Laura promptly stood up and left the room, she didn't need to see another argument between her brother and her father. "What would I know? What would I know?" Corwin Roarke mocked, standing and raising his voice to match the anger tone of his son's, "I know that you don't give a damn about others. It's just you and your son, I'm surprised you even care about him at all!" Angel stared at his father, "you know, whether you believe it or not I cared about her. I love her, I have never once done anything except worship the ground she walks on, but she still left me! And you know why she left?...I'll tell you why, because she didn't want me to risk losing my son because of her. That is why, she walked away from me! Away from us! I don't care whether you believe me or not, but I have never loved or needed anything like I need her!" Angel Roarke yelled at his father, then stormed from the room and upstairs before his father could reply.
Angel stormed past his step mother who was anxious about the latest fight between the two men. "Liam, please stay. I'm sure you both said some things you didn't mean, but just..don't leave this year" Marianne begged, following as he went to the room he and Sean would stay in. "I'm not going anywhere, but I'd like to be alone for now" Angel said, opening the last door on the right and stepping inside. Before Marianne could protest, she was facing the heavy maple of the door. "What happened between them?" Marianne asked Laura who seemed to have emerged from her room after deeming it safe. "Dad just accused Liam of being egotistical, and then he wouldn't let the subject that is `Buffy' drop" Laura explained. Marianne sighed, "Are you on damage control with me?" the older woman asked her daughter. Laura shook her head, "you don't want me to talk to Dad after this. I know why Angel snapped and I don't blame him." Marianne shrugged her shoulders, "she asked us not to do anything about it, it's none of our business anyway." Laura frowned at her mother, "I know. It just seems so wrong."
Angel had worn himself out. He'd read the Poe book hundreds of times now, hoping that one time the book would magically reveal a hint to where she was and how to get her back. Therefore at eight o'clock with the light streaming into the room from the un covered window, Angel woke up in a chair in the corner. He groaned and stretched his protesting muscles. He gingerly stood, again having to adjust his muscles after spending the night sleeping in that chair. Angel looked around the room where Sean still slept soundly in his own bed. Angel's eyes fell on a piece of paper sitting on his pillow. Angel picked it up and noticed his fathers writing. There was no, explanation, just an address. Angel glanced at the antique grandfather clock against the other wall, then walked out of the room, sure that his father would be up at this hour. Sure enough, Corwin sat, sipping his coffee at the dining room table, flipping through some financial reports. "What the hell is this?" Angel asked throwing the note down on top of the table. "I can't tell you" Corwin replied steadily. Not even glancing up from his reports, Mr. Roarke suggested, "Perhaps you should go to the address written there and find out." Angel glared at his father, but picked up the note again, and left the dining room. "I'm sure Marianne and Laura will watch Sean for the day" the older man called after him, smiling self satisfactorily.
Angel glanced down at the address once more. The address was correct, but for the life of him, Angel couldn't figure out why his father had sent him to this apartment. He rapped softly on the door, almost hoping that no one answers. - If no one answers I don't have to try explain why my father sent me here.- Angel heard someone shuffling to the door, and realized he'd have no such luck. He heard someone pull the chain and unlock the door, sighed and threw his head back, hoping to escape this. - Why am I even here?- Angel felt more than saw the door open. He opened his eyes to look into her startled face. Neither said anything for a long moment, just stared at each other. She looked like she always did, perfect, or at least to him. "Buffy" he whispered in awe. That snapped her back into her senses and she tried to slam the door in his face, but he quickly intercepted it before she could close the door. He pushed his way inside, and once in, closed the door behind himself. He looked around as she disappeared into the kitchen, muttering a mantra of "no's." Her apartment was neat and cheerful, it was everything he thought it would be. Soft and relaxing, but it had little things that were more daring, a vibrant, graphic painting here or half melted vanilla scented candles in other places. "How long have you been here in New York?" he called out. She re appeared in the doorframe, "I could ask you the same thing" was her reply. He had yet to take in the fact that she was clothed in nothing more than her bathrobe. She caught him staring at her, so she dragged the robe tighter around her and cleared her throat. "H-how did you get up here? It's a private building" Buffy asked. Angel forced himself to look away from her, he feigned nonchalance while studying her artwork. "My dad phoned ahead" he answered. She smiled, and commented, "I'd always thought it'd be Marianne who'd break my confidence, and blurt it out to you. She's the hopeless romantic type." Angel chuckled softly and nodded his head. He continued to pretend that her presence wasn't sending tingles through his body, the same tingles he had thought, only a week ago, that he'd have to live without. "Are you living on your own?" Angel asked her. She nodded, at the reflection he cast into the mirror, that hung in her living room. "Have you been here for the last year?" he asked. Again she just nodded, and he had to pull some contentment out of the fact that she did look regretful. There was silence in the apartment, no one moved and nothing made any noise, it was as if time had stopped briefly, just for them. "Were you ever going to tell me?" he asked in a whisper. She didn't answer and he turned around to face her. She was staring at the floor boards beneath her feet. "Maybe...No" she answered, timidly lifting her gaze to his. That was his breaking point, he quickly crossed the room, he pulled her against him. "Please don't leave me" he begged. Her arms wrapped tighter around his waist, and she didn't answer, not knowing how to reply to that. - How do you tell the one person you could spend forever with, that they should be with somebody else?- Angel was oblivious to her tension, as he released his own, "Please. I can't do this on my own anymore" he whispered against her hair, kissing the crown of her head. Again she stayed silent, and let him beg her to stay as he held her to him as if he'd never let her go.
Half an hour later, Angel was still holding her against him, but they had moved to the couch and she was seated in his lap as he held her against his chest. He had been quiet for quite sometime now, and if he hadn't been gently rocking her in his lap, she would have thought he was asleep. "Angel" she whispered hesitantly. She got no response but his arms tightened around her waist, and she was pulled against him even closer. "Angel, what are you doing here?" she asked softly. "My Dad sent me, he never told me this was your place" was the quiet response. She sighed and sank against his chest, "you shouldn't be here" she whispered. "There is nowhere else I want to be" he said kissing her shoulder, "why did you have to go for so long?" She sighed again but this time, denying herself, the heat and comfort of his body, she extracted herself from his arms and moved to the chair that sat across from him. "You know why" she answered. "No, I don't!" he protested, shifting forward on the couch so he could bend down slightly to be eye level with her, and so he could rest his hand on her knee. Her eyes began to water, and he watched as a tear cascaded down her cheek. Angel moved off the sofa and crouched before her, using his thumb to gently brush away the tear that was still running down her face. Her eyes were sad as they bore into his own, "they were right, Angel." He stoped his hand and moved it so that both his palms rested on her knees. "Who?" he asked, "what were they right about?" She affectionately ran her hand down his face, "we moved too fast and I'm too young... for you, and for this. Think about it. We only dated for three months before getting engaged. Hell, we only had one official date before we had sex. It was too much, too fast" she whispered as an explanation. He pulled one of her hands into his own, caressing her knuckles with his thumb. "So, we don't have to be engaged. We don't even have to be sleeping together, but please come home" he whispered. She shook her head, "this is my home. I'm going to be twenty one in a couple of weeks, and I haven't seen the world, and I haven't even had a boyfriend that lasted more than six months. I'm not ready to be a `mommy' and a `wife.' I'm not ready for the kind of commitment you want. They said that. They told us that I was too young, and we didn't listen, but it's true. I can't do this right now" she told him, her eyes watering once again by the end of her speech. Angel stood abruptly and dropped her hands, "so you're just going to disappear again? I'll get an e-mail every so often, and you think I'm just going to accept that? I'm not going to just let you walk away again!" he ranted. "You don't have a choice" she told him firmly, in an authoritative manner. His fight left him quickly, and he took her hands again, "Would you at least see Sean?" he asked, at her hesitant look, he added, "He misses you...we both do." She smiled slightly, "when?" He had to keep himself from grinning. -It's not much, but the more I can see her, the better my chances of getting her to come home- "Can you come over for dinner tomorrow night, say five o'clock?" he asked, hopefully. She nodded to him, and this time a smile did split his face. "Don't think you can get your son into conning me to come home" she warned, though her manner was teasing. He smiled again, then excused himself from her apartment. - I don't think. I know-
-17-
Angel was as much involved in the holiday preparations this year as Marianne and Laura. Reanne, who had been told where Liam had been sent, and knew how much her brother needed that tiny blonde, wasn't the least bit surprised by his actions. She spent the day keeping Sean busy with his cousin to help limit the stress she knew Angel was building. She could practically see the knots forming in Angel's neck and shoulders. At four o'clock Angel came bounding up the stairs and toward the Reanne's room, where she was playing with Sean and Daniella. "Sean?" Angel called, looking into the room. The toddler looked up from the block tower he was stacking with his aunt, and stared at his father, "Look Da!" he cheered. Angel smiled at his son and held out his hand, " come on Sean. We have to get you ready for dinner." "Angel! There's still an hour!" Reanne exclaimed. Angel shrugged, "he needs a bath" he explained. Sean's happy smile instantly fell from his face and he ran to hide from his father. "Sean, come on!" Angel cajoled. Reanne laughed as the young boy tried to hide himself behind and overstuffed green chair. "Sean, don't you want to see Buffy?" Angel enticed. Sean instantly appeared beside his father, "Ma?" he asked hopefully. Angel smiled softly and nodded, watching as his son took off from the room heading for the closest tub. "I don't know if that was the smartest thing to do, Liam" Reanne commented. Angel looked back at her, "how so?" Reanne hesitated for a moment then spit it out, "well, what happens if she doesn't show?" Angel shrugged, and left the room, calling over his shoulder, "then I take Sean to her."
Angel was pacing a five ten. "Liam! Sit!" Marianne ordered, practically pushing him into the closest chair. "I'm sorry" he mumbled, but continued fiddling with the ring on his finger. His claddagh ring. He had in fact noticed that she still wore her's as well. Angel was finally beginning to relax when the doorbell finally rang. Angel bolted out of the chair and ran for the door, eager to see her. The image that he may not see her again for long time after this was more than he could bear. He opened the front door, to assaulted with the most heavenly sight he could imagine. She stood there with the snow falling softly around her. She looked more beautiful then he remembered. Her hair cascaded down her back in soft curls and the pale blue of her dress made her look absolutely angelic. He gestured for her to enter, but she didn't get too far before small arms were flung around her knees. "Ma!" Sean squealed with delight, and hugged her legs tightly. She laughed softly, but tears were pooling in her eyes. "Hey, there buddy" she whispered, pulling the toddler up into her arms to give him a true hug. Sean pulled away first, "Ma, come. Danny here" Sean said wiggling away from Buffy then grasping her hands and pulling her toward the parlour where everyone else sat. Angel smiled happily to see his son interacting with the love of his life, once again. Angel closed the door and followed the two most precious people in his life into the other room.
Dinner passed much too quickly for Angel and Sean's liking. Both were dreading the end of the evening where the woman most important then would leave them again. At eight o'clock, Sean was staying up by sheer force of will. Buffy stood to excuse herself but was interrupted by the wails that Sean issued. Buffy picked up the toddler and stared into his dark eyes as the wailing instantly ceased. "Not again, mister" Buffy told him. Sean yawned and pulled himself tightly against her, snuggling to hold himself against her. Angel stood to take him from her, but she assured him she'd stay until he fell asleep. Sean's arms were far from loosely wrapped around her neck. If she didn't know better she'd think he was trying to strangle her. It was going on eleven o'clock and Sean was still awake, though looking rather bad for it. "I should..." Buffy gestured for the door. Sean whimpered and curled closer into Buffy's lap. "Buddy, come on. I really have to go" she told the toddler who ignored her and yawned once again, but didn't make any effort to let his `mother' go. "Feel free to spend the night" Marianne suggested, "I'm sure Leah or Reanne have something you could sleep in" Buffy smiled but declined, "I really shouldn't. I need to get home." Buffy went to stand and pass Sean off to Angel, Sean of course went into a temper tantrum and was kicking and screaming, with tears streaming down his face, to get away from his father and toward Buffy. "So, it's settled. You're staying" Corwin remarked over the din of his grandson's fit. Buffy and Angel's attention instantly flew to Mr. Roarke, "I don't fancy listening him to go on like that all night" Corwin remarked. Sean pulled himself back to Buffy while his father's attention wasn't with him. Again, Sean's sobs faded to whimpers as soon as his arms were around his `ma.' "Laura and I will get a bed ready for you," Marianne said, "except that since Laura's home this year, you'll have to share a room with Angel and Sean." Buffy's eyes widened at the prospect of Corwin and Marianne Roarke setting her up with their son. Her startled eyes flew back to Angel, who looked as shocked as she did. Buffy lifted Sean up and kissed his cheek, "bye" she told the toddler, then moved for the door. "I have to go" she told the rest of the family trying to leave. "Buffy! Wait!" Angel called after her, over the screams of his son. Buffy already had her coat on and the door open by the time he caught up to her. He closed the door and stood in front of her, effectively blocking her exit. "Just stay" he whispered, "stay in my room to keep Sean happy and I'll sleep on the couch. You can leave tomorrow before Sean wakes up." She looked at him for a long moment but finally relented. Angel smiled slightly and took her coat before leading her back to the parlour. "Marianne, could you just get me some things to make up the couch?" Angel asked before his stepmother set off to make up another bed. She smiled, albeit sadly and left to do as he asked. Sean had made his way back to his mother and was clinging to her again, so she lifted him into her arms, "where am I staying?" she asked Angel. Grateful, to get away from the rest of his family after their earlier antics he lead her upstairs.
He showed her to his room and helped her get Sean changed and into bed, before excusing himself to let her change for bed. Angel made his way back downstairs and into the parlour and to the couch where he'd spend the night. Corwin Roarke was still sitting there when he reached the room. `What the hell was that?" Angel hissed. "Someone has to make an effort at getting you two back together if you're not going to do it for yourself" Corwin commented. "She's not going to come back just because you push her at me, if anything she's going to run farther, just like she already tried to tonight" Angel confided in his father. "Maybe you should think about what you're life's going to be like if you don't make this effort to get her back" Mr. Roarke remarked, getting up and leaving his son to contemplate that thought. Angel stood in silence as Corwin Roarke brushed past him and upstairs to his bed. Angel looked at the couch that Marianne had made up for him. -Maybe he's right. If I don't push a little bit I'll miss out-
The soft knocking at the door pulled Buffy away from Sean who was sleeping contentedly against her side. She crept to the door, careful to be quiet so Sean would stay sleeping. Buffy opened the door to find Marianne on the other side. "Do you need anything else?" the older woman asked. Buffy shook her head, and smiled softly. "I apologize if we were pushing too much, but we want what's best for our son, and you're it" she whispered. Buffy nodded to show her acceptance. "You really love Liam, don't you?" Marianne asked. "Yes" Buffy whispered hoarsely. "Then don't run anymore. He loves you just as much. Follow your heart" Marianne advised before leaving to go to bed. Buffy sighed softly and slumped against the doorframe. - I know he loves me as much as I love him, but is love really enough?-
Angel rolled over on the couch, trying to escape the uncomfortable springs digging into his back. He glanced at the clock sitting on the mantle. In the soft beams of moonlight coming through the window, he made out two am. He was about to slump back onto the couch and give sleep one more chance before he heard the floor boards creaking at the bottom of the stairs. Angel turned his head to see Buffy walking toward him. "I can't imagine that couch is overly comfortable" she quipped, stopping at the doorframe to look at him. Angel shrugged slightly, not knowing for sure whether she could discern the motion in the dark. She merely held out a hand for him, "come to bed" she whispered. He wasn't going to refuse an offer like that, and so he stood and took her hand, leading her back upstairs and to bed the bed they would share for what was left of the night.
The commotion from downstairs woke Buffy and Angel at nearly noon. Angel groaned at the unwelcomed wake up call. "You do realize your son is going to have another fit if we don't get downstairs for Christmas soon" Buffy told him. "Oh trust me he would have already thrown a fit if he was going to throw one. We can stay up here a little longer."Angel replied. Buffy moaned contentedly and nuzzled deeper against his chest. As much as he wanted this moment to keep happening, he had to ask, "will you come home?" She didn't reply for a long moment. "A wise woman once told me, as cliched as it is, to follow your heart," Buffy explained, "and right mow my hearts dead set on staying with you. so yes, I'm coming home" Angel's arms tightened around her waist under the comforter. "I love you" he whispered. "Love you too" she murmured in reply. There was a long pause, "what is it?" he asked. "Nothing. I was just thinking where the expression follow your heart came from, cause if that's in the literal sense-" she was cut off by his lips being pressed to her own. After pulling away from her, they were both panting for air, "let's stay up here a little longer" she stated, pulling his mouth back to hers again.
-18-
February 18, 2004
"I swear, I don't know why anyone would want to put themselves through that kind of self torture," Anya commented, as she looked through the heavy glass window to the babies inside. "Ah, come on, you never want to have our little brats?" Xander asked his fiancee in a semi mocking tone. "I love you darling, but no" she told him with a smile. "Well, that's one more roll of film gone" Cordelia stated gesturing to Angel who was quickly switching films in the small camera to capture every possible moment. "Hey, brood boy, I don't think he needs to have every second of his life caught on film" Xander quipped. "Yeah, it's okay, man, we'll let you know if there's a Kodak moment you need to capture" Doyle added from his spot beside his wife. "I don't know, I wasn't there when Sean was born. God, it was unreal, he is so tiny and so perfect and...it wasn't like it was really real until he was born. I mean I felt him kick and saw all the ultrasound pictures but he wasn't really this tiny new baby until he was there and Buffy was holding him and he was so tiny and perfect..." Angel rambled, his eyes never leaving his son. "When's Wes bringing Sean down?" Doyle asked, all of a sudden, trying to distract Angel from his babble. "Uh, soon" he replied, his gaze shifting down the hall where a little redhead was exiting his wife's room. Angel quickly brushed past his friends and walked down the hallway. "She's kinda fell asleep" Willow told him with a chuckle as he passed her. He grinned at her and silently entered the room. "Promise me you won't be this creepy when we have our kids" Cordelia requested of Doyle. "I wish I could promise you that, but by the looks of him, I'm betting I'm going to be worse, princess" Doyle told her with a smile. "Well, at least, try and restrain it" she teased. He gently pressed a kiss to her crown, "I'll try, princess."
"Hi" Buffy whispered waking from the catnap she'd taken. Angel smiled at her, "Sean's going to want to see his Mommy" Angel told her. Buffy chuckled softly and carefully adjusted herself on the bed. The pain wasn't too bad, but she was pretty sure the cocktail in the IV dripping into her arm was still working to numb the pain to some effect. - God bless the guy who invented painkillers- "You okay?" Angel asked, she nodded and smiled. "How long was I out?" she asked him, gently rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Half an hour or so" was the reply. "Okay second question." she paused briefly, "How bad to I look?" she asked sending an unhappy grimace his way. "You look beautiful, more breathtaking than I've ever seen you" he whispered pressing his lips to hers for a soft kiss. "Your sweet," she whispered in return, " a terrible liar, but sweet." He shrugged slightly, watching as she straightened her hair by feel, pulling her fingers through the slightly messy strands. "The Queen of England is not coming to see you. You look fine" he chastised. She sighed, "I just don't want to scare Sean and Patrick" she told him with a soft smile. "They love you too much to be scared" he told her, kissing her cheek. "Patrick is absolutely perfect" Angel told her. She smiled, "I know, ten fingers and ten toes" she replied. "Speaking of Patrick, he should be getting hungry soon" Buffy commented glancing at the clock on the wall of her private hospital room. "I'm sure the nurses will bring him if he's hungry" Angel told her. And on cue, as if the statement had summoned her, a nurse entered carrying a baby in a blue blanket that was whimpering softly. "It's about time for his feeding" the nurse said, passing Buffy the baby. One the nurse had shown Buffy how to properly nurse her son, and she had left once again, Angel scooted forward on his chair to brush his finger against his son's cheek. The baby closed his hazel eyes but continued to suck at his mother's breast. "I never saw Sean when he was this small except through the windows they have into the nursery" Angel remarked, still staring at his son. "Well, you'll be fully acquainted with caring for newborn by the end of the week" Buffy commented dryly, looking at her husband. A soft knock at the door pulled their attention away from each other and Patrick. Angel quickly stood to answer the door. The preschooler quickly launched himself into his father's arms and was lifted off the floor to be held securely in those arms. "Is he here yet?" Sean asked his dad. He hadn't seen Buffy and his brother still on the bed. "Yeah, your mom's in there with his right now" Angel told his son, with a proud smile. - I never realized all the things I missed with Sean until Patrick was born, and Patrick's not even a day old- "Can I see him?" the excited `big brother' asked. Angel nodded and carried his son farther into the room, where Buffy sat cuddling the now contentedly sleeping, Patrick. "Wow" Sean whispered looking at his baby brother, "He's so small." Buffy smiled happily at her stepson, "well, he has to be small, he's a baby. I wouldn't want a baby as big as you" Buffy teased. Sean smiled happily and shrugged himself out of his fathers grip to sit on the bed to look at his new brother. "Does he just sleep?" Sean asked, pouting since his brother seemed oblivious to him, in his peaceful slumber. "He doesn't do much right now, but when he gets a little older, you can play with him all the time" Angel assured his son. Sean gave a noncommittal shrug, then climbed off the bed. "I gotta go" he told them, "I have to tell Uncle Wes all about my new brother." Buffy and Angel laughed softly as Sean left the room to brag about the brother he couldn't even play with. "I'll have to take Sean home soon, but I'll be back tomorrow to pick you guys up" he whispered to his wife, kissing her deeply, and thoroughly. She moaned softly into his mouth. Pulling away she whispered, "Doctor said you'd have to wait at least six weeks for that mister" she told him with a smug grin. "I know, I'm trying to keep myself in control, but your just so damn sexy" he whispered groaning at the thought of playing `look but don't touch' for the next six weeks. "I'll make it up to you don't worry" she answered, smiling coyly. H groaned again, "Don't do this to me Summers." "Ah, that's Mrs. Roarke to you" she called after him as he headed to the door. "I assure you, I wont forget it again," he told her pausing at the door, "I'll see you two tomorrow." She watched as he exited the room. Buffy carefully placed Patrick into the bassinette that was beside the bed then curled up to go back to the rest she was craving.
She was home by four o'clock the next afternoon, mostly because the hospital system was horrible and because she was healing fine. As she had expected she came home to find their home stuffed full of all their friends and family, eager to spend time with the newest member of the Roarke family. Since Marianne and Corwin Roarke had arrived earlier in the afternoon Marianne had been nearly giddy, to play with her grandson. Buffy was almost afraid her face would crack from the size of her smile. "Patrick" she cooed, taking the sleeping infant from the carrier Angel was holding. Buffy looked around to see the large banner, Sean had obviously made with some help from either Willow or Cordy. It read `Welcome Home Patrick Micheal Roarke' and was deocrated with hand prints and squiggles supplied by her stepson. Sean came bounding from the living room, to throw his arms around Buffy's waist. "Mom! You're home!" he cheered. She smiled down at him and hugged him back. "Would you like to hold your brother?" she asked him. Sean smiled really big and nodded happily. "Okay go sit on the couch and I'll bring Patrick to you" she said. Sean took off happily running into the next room. Buffy carefully took Patrick from Marianne's arms and carried him towards Sean. "Now, make sure you're arm is under his head and don't hold him too tight" she instructed as she lowered the baby into her older son's arms. Sean looked down at the baby in his arms, "Hi. I'm your big brother, Sean" he told the baby, proudly. Patrick was staring up at his brother, gurgling happily and yawning contentedly. Buffy gently leaned back against her husband's strong frame. "I think we lucked out" she whispered, her eyes never leaving the boys on the couch. Both had the same dark hair and pale skin, the only thing that was different were the dark hazel eyes Patrick had. The only thing he'd really gotten from his mother. "I'd say so" Angel replied, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her against him. "I love you" she whispered. "I love you too" he replied. There was a quiet pause, then she laughed softly, "Oh, and I'm sorry about hurting your hand so badly" she teased. Angel glanced down at the wrapped hand in question. "It'll heal" he whispered against her hair, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.
The End!
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