Title: With Closed Eyes
Author: Dira Oceansea
E-mail: dira_oceansea@yahoo.com
Category: Post-Destiny, Multiple POV 1-parter
Rating: PG-13
Author's note: All types of feedback are apreciated
Haunted (Tess)
Her image still haunts me. It's been three months since it happened, but I can still see her in my mind's eye. She kisses Max and then she walks away. I know that tears fall from her eyes as she turns from him. I see the pain in Max's eyes as he tries to stop her but can't. And it plays over and over in my head.
The problem of this "love triangle" is that she let him go. Because she could have fought, tooth and nail. Or she could have punched me. I wouldn't have expected it. But she did exactly as I predicted. She walked away.
And now everyone is miserable. She's waited tables all summer, Max has watched her from the corner booth every day. They won't talk to each other outside the waitress-customer relationship. But he worships her from afar, observing her every move. He doesn't think I see him. He doesn't think I know this, but I do. I saw him that first night, when the Crashdown closed. I watched as he sat in the alley, under her windowsill, waiting for the light in her bedroom to go out.
Once Liz turns off the light he will wait a minute or two and then drive home. I'm surprised Valenti hasn't arrested him for loitering. I lie. I am not surprised. Max can do no wrong since healing Kyle.
Max is faithful to us both. Liz and I, he betrays neither. He visits me at Michael's, and treats me well, like his predestined love. He does not court me, he does not bring flowers. He is there, just sitting, unmoving. He is faithful to me, because he does not talk to Liz, does not kiss her, does not hold her hand. But he is all the more faithful to Liz. He allows me to hold his hand, but he is unresponsive. His eyes do not close while I kiss him, his lips do not respond. I stick my tongue into his mouth, hoping to get a response, some sort of reflex, yet he only backs away. Then he excuses himself to go get some air. I hear him retch outside the window of Michael's apartment, where I'm living now.
Max becomes catatonic to my touch. It's pathetic, how he thinks this is what he is supposed to do. Furthering the species? Not a chance of accomplishing that. He yearns for Liz, lurks outside her window, watches from afar like he used to before last year happened. Every connection I make with Max, that is all he shows me. Liz coming back to life. To him.
So I go to Kyle. He moves under my hands, his lips respond to mine. Screw destiny if it entails life with a prisoner of someone else's love. I understand that our destiny was made for a Max who grew up to love only me, a Max that never met Liz. But I cannot tell him that I have no use for him now. He has to figure it out for himself, he has to leave me, and maybe even loathe me.
So I kiss Kyle. Every time I can. Michael and Isabel know, but they will not tell him. Kyle enjoys the fact that he has taken "Max's new girl". He kisses me, knowing that Max and Liz are miserable, and he seems to enjoy it more. He pretends like he never had a silver handprint on his body. He pretends we are not aliens. He pretends he doesn't care that Max saved him. And he kisses me back.
Liz saw us today, outside Kyle's house, as she was walking to Maria's place. I can feel a tingle in the back of my neck, the knowledge that it'll all be over soon, that I will get the haunting image of Liz's lips leaving Max's out of my head. I will get caught soon. I cannot wait.
Seeing is believing (Liz)
I saw them. Kyle and Tess, kissing on Kyle's front porch. Why would she do such a thing? She came to town with all that destiny crap, and I walked away. I am the coward, I ran. So this is my fault. But he could have run after me. Max could have followed. He didn't.
The image made me feel nauseous. A kick to my stomach. I shivered on my way to Maria's house. I wanted to run to Max, tell him. But I know I can't. Because he will believe me a thousand times over, but he will not feel completely betrayed by Tess. They have to work it out. If they don't, if he believes me, then how will I know it is over between them? How will he be certain, without a doubt, that this destiny thing is over? The only one who can erase all doubts is Tess.
I can't tell him. I can't even look into his eyes, because he will know. He has to see them, he has to catch Tess and Kyle and he has to talk to her. And then he has to choose. He has to make a decision. He can either try to make his destiny work with Tess, or he can come to me. School will start in two days, and then I will have to face him over and over again, as if his daily cherry-coke runs weren't painful enough. As if seeing him sit below my window until I turn out the lights didn't already make me cry myself to sleep. I left him once, he leaves me every night.
I can't tell him. But that doesn't mean I can't help him find out. I'll tell Maria. Maybe she'll know what to do.
Choose me, Max. Please, choose me.
Music to my ears (Maria)
Liz arrived in tears, shivering as if it were cold. And here I was, in shorts and a tank top, yelling at the heavens, complaining about the heat. I knew what the problem was before she even calmed down and opened her mouth. This is about Tess and Kyle. This is about Max. Like everything else this summer, it is about pain.
I know that sometimes Liz wishes for simplicity. She wants the physicality that Michael and I have sometimes. But I wish I had what Liz had. Because, when it is all said and done, every kiss that Liz and Max shared meant the world to both. Michael and I, we're one-sided. Like Max and Tess. I guess that's why Tess looks for Kyle. He's responsive, he needs her in a twisted way, just like she needs him.
We've all known. It has been two weeks since it started, and Isabel, Alex, Michael and I all knew. And now that Liz knows, it's time to give Max a little nudge in the right direction. Liz and I walk to the diner for our shift. Listening to what she has figured out or found out is like listening to a very good song. I feel a certain relief before it starts and after it ends.
Max is our timepiece, our digital watch. He arrives when our shift starts and leaves an hour before the diner closes. He sits under Liz's balcony waiting for her to go sleep, or cry, depending on whether she sees him or not. He is not late today, and an idea seeps into my brain. I must wait on him tonight, because Liz fears her eyes will tell him everything. So I scrawl a note for him on a napkin and head over with my antennae and alien head apron to serve an alien in a boy's body. I can see he is disappointed. I don't blame him. In this uniform I disappoint myself.
Open your eyes (Max)
Maria walks toward me and I can feel my face dropping. She frowns, which makes me conscious of my own expression. It wasn't very nice of me. But I was expecting Liz. Anyone else just seems... wrong.
Maria asks if she can take my order, and I ask if Liz is ok.
"She's not on the menu, hon," she says, trying to smile. I can't even fake a smile back at her, so she explains that Liz is doing inventory in the back room. I nod. She hands me a napkin, rolls her eyes and says she'll be back in a second with my coke. There's a napkin dispenser on the table, so I don't understand why she hands me the napkin.
She comes back with the coke and I still haven't opened the napkin. Her eyes roll again.
"Open it," she says, storming off. I should knock myself on the head. But 'thinking' has not been my forte this summer. My mind is swarming with ideas, overpowered by two women, and two words: 'destiny' and 'love'.
In blue ink, there's a note scrawled on. Maria's handwriting is chicken scratch, but I decipher it pretty quickly.
"Kyle's house in half an hour. Open your eyes."
Could it be Liz? What could be happening at Kyle's? I leave the money for the soda on the table, plus a hefty tip for Maria. I have a feeling she will deserve it.
Outside looking in (Max)
I walk quickly to Kyle's house. I have a feeling bringing the Jeep wouldn't do. I can lurk in the dark much better without headlights. I can stand outside closed doors and look inside closed windows.
But I need not look into any windows. I see them on the front porch. It's not Liz. It's Tess. Kissing Kyle. Kyle's eyes open when he hears me approach, and continues to kiss Tess while watching me. Is this amusing to him? Probably. He kisses her even more passionately, as if being caught turns him on. He's amused by my disbelief.
Tess must have noticed. She stops Kyle and turns to find me looking at her.
"We need to talk," she says. She has been planning this conversation for quite some time, I can tell. I just nod. I haven't said a word so far. I can feel my fingers curling to form a fist. Not to hit Kyle, to hurt myself. My nails cut into the palms of my hands. Stupid. I've been stupid. I am stupid.
Tess says many things. About me not loving her. About destiny not being all it was cooked up to be. I knew what I was getting into, you knew what you were getting into. I repeat that over and over in my head. She knew I didn't love her, but she forced the issue. She had wanted this, said she loved me. And I took it all on my shoulders. The coward that I am, I didn't run after Liz. I stayed and became a body sitting in a chair, allowing Tess to kiss me. I feel sick again, sick like when her mouth is on mine. No more.
Then I figure it all out. Michael knew. Isabel knew. They'd hinted so many times, hints I took lying down, hints I paid no attention to. Maria obviously knew, probably Alex did too. And Liz, she probably found out. And no one told me. You had to figure it out on your own, Tess said. You had to see it, so that there would be no doubts in your mind. So that you would stop believing. The way I stopped believing every time I kissed you, she said. So that you would make a choice.
The words. They all stop making sense as I turn and run from her. I'm running to Liz. Or maybe I'm running after her, but I'm just a little late. I'm running after her, as if she's just left my side, as if three months have not passed.
I reach the alley under her balcony and the light is still on in her room. I feel relieved, though I doubt that darkness would have stopped me.
All my armor falling down (Liz)
I left my post early tonight. I rather stay up all night vomiting than work one more hour. I tell my parents that I feel bad. Back-to-school jitters is what they think, I can see it in their eyes. I go to my room. My shoes become the bottom of a pile forming at my feet. Socks are added. I take off the antennae and the apron, and they top the pile.
I hear someone coming up the steps. Could it all happen so quickly? Could it be him? My fingers are crossed. My stomach is a knot. It's him, the weight of his footsteps on the balcony and the sound of his breathing; they are as familiar as my own. It's been so long, but I remember it. Almost as if three months have never gone by.
He raps on the window, as though I would ever make him stay outside. I let him in. He looks at me and without a word he knows what I'm thinking. He anticipates that I feel like slapping him, that I feel like slapping myself, if that were possible. He doesn't move, and I sense that he'd let me hit him. I want to say he could have run. But I also know I could have stopped when he called. A cold gust of wind comes in through my window, hitting him and then me, no slaps needed. I guess we're even.
I look into his eyes and I realize they're just that. Eyes. I can see through them and I know what he's thinking. Yeah, maybe. Or maybe it just happens that we've been thinking exactly the same thing. Where do we fit into each others' lives? His eyes say "screw destiny". They said it before, but now they are certain that the destiny intended for him was meant for another Max. A Max who did not grow up to be an Evans. A Max that never met me. A Max that does not love me. He is not that Max. His eyes, full of conviction, have come to tell me this. He has come to tell me this. Yet he has not said a word. We should speak. If I wait for him to say anything, I'll grow old and wrinkled.
"So what now?" I ask him. What I mean is; are we back to square one, like we were at the Crash Festival last year? We were too different then; what makes us any more alike now? He places one hand on the back of my neck and pulls me up to his lips, into a kiss. Oh, that. I remember one of these. I try to remember what to do, but my mind draws a blank. So I let myself be kissed. Gradually I remember I should kiss him back. So I do. One of his hands strokes my hair, the other slowly finds its way to my waist. So my hands travel to his hair, then I move one down his neck, to his chest. I can feel his heartbeat. It speeds up. I can feel mine mimicking his. I can see light flicker behind my eyes, I can feel warmth traveling through my body as he parts my lips and deepens the kiss. And I know he's glowing inside, because so am I.
I forget to breathe. Which means I leave him for air. A word escapes my lips. "Wow."
Did I just say that? He smiles. I had not seen him smile in such a long time. I smile back. I'm willing to bet he hasn't seen me smile for the same amount of time.
"We still have to talk. A lot." Those are my words. He nods. I sit on the edge of my bed and he sits on the chair near my desk. Has he still not said a word? He senses that it makes me angry. No, it's not anger exactly, nor exasperation. His kiss told me all I needed to know, but words are nice. I'm used to words. I'm only human. He understands. So he starts speaking.
Out of silence (Max)
I've run out of silence, and now words are to be expected. Liz, what can I say. I love you. I never want to leave you. But I can't promise that evil aliens won't hunt me down tomorrow. I can't promise that I won't have to go fight them. Being with me will be like marrying a soldier before he goes off to war. I might not come back. And if I do, I may not be the same. I think all of these words, but pronounce only a few. I think she understands all that comes with my "I love you".
"Tess and I . . . we never..." I start saying, but she tells me she knows. She silences me, even though seconds ago her eyes were asking me to speak. She allows me to take her hand and lets me hold it. I can hear her thoughts. *A girl can change her mind,* rings loud and clear inside my head. She smiles. Then she stands up and guides me to her window.
"You better go. My parents will come upstairs soon." She says this, but I sense she wants me to stay. All these great reasons for me to leave, yet her eyes will me to stay. But I am expected home. Isabel will worry. My parents will worry. Liz's parted lips welcome mine without argument, but she doesn't allow me to deepen the kiss. "Else I won't be able to let you go," she says. We say goodnight, not goodbye. I can't wipe the smile off my face all the way home.
Objectivity (Maria)
Max's jeep pulls away, and it's not even closing time yet. This is good news. This is definitely good news. Or maybe it's horrible news. I excuse myself to go "check on Liz, see how she's feeling". I know she gave her dad the 'I don't feel so hot' excuse, so I only play along.
I find her lying on her bed. She probably just fell like a sack of potatoes, after Max came. I knew this would happen. She's happy, which is good.
"Ok, Liz, 'fess up. What happened?" She looks at me.
"It was incredible", she says. The torture of the past three months just melted away.
Max's kisses sure are powerful. They change sulky, sad Liz into sunshiny Liz. I know she's been kissed. It's easy to tell.
"You need a little objectivity," I tell her. "An unbiased opinion."
"Any idea what those cost and where they're sold?" she asks.
Ha ha. I dish them out free. I lie on the bed next to her. "Be careful. That is all I can say, just try to be careful." But I know she doesn't listen, and somehow I also know that Max won't hurt her again. I can almost see little Max and Liz kids running around ten years from now.
"You see it, too, don't you?" she asks. So much for my objectivity.
"Yes," I say. "I do." Be happy, Liz, be happy.
The art of "so much for plan A . . . " (Tess)
I watch as Max pulls up to his driveway, and I know I did the right thing. This destiny thing, we went into it with our eyes closed. And in less than three months, we've already run into all the furniture and knocked most of it over. It didn't work out, let's be friends. In time, we will be friends, just that. Maybe less, maybe just acquaintances, because Kyle and Max really don't like each other. And right now, I'm not high up on the list of people Max and Liz adore.
Our future is uncertain. I enjoy this uncertainty, I have never experienced it before. My life had always been mapped out on the stars. Now, nothing is written down. I'll have to call Nasedo. I guess furthering our race is not so necessary for me. Any war worth fighting does not kill the spirit of the soldiers beforehand. This destiny thing, it was killing all of those involved, from the inside out. We couldn't concentrate, if it kept up, we would be of no use to our people.
Maybe, if we are happy, part of our mission is complete. Sure, if we had all grown up together, then maybe fulfilling our so-called destiny would have made us happy. But since that scenario didn't pan out, we made do. And we will do what we need to do. We will go into battlefield with our eyes wide open, hoping that our newly awakened senses will allow us to remain steady on our feet. And we go into the rest of our lives without a plan. I guess humanity is not so bad after all. When plans don't go right, when the backup plans fall though, there is always improvisation. It's time to improvise. I'm ready.
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The End.
