"Yeah. You know, I kinda had a problem with the math."
"Uh, which part?"
"The math. Can you help me out tonight, pleeeease, be my study buddy?"
-Xander and Willow
"And I, in the meantime, will help by standing around like an idiot."
"I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good."
-Xander
"For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me."
-Xander, after sticking his foot in his mouth
"First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale."
"Oh, this is fun. We're on monster island."
"Y'know, hey, I don't know what everyone's talking about. That outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker!"
-Xander to Cordelia
"I, I can't! I have my pride! Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this!"
-Xander, talking about acting in the talent show
"House of chicks, relax. I am a man, and I have a tool. Tools. Lots of plural tools. In my, uh... toolbox. Ah! Sandwiches. Excellent. Men like sandwiches."
"Okay, this is really starting to grate my cheese. These woods aren't that big. Now, I know we've been going straight because I've been following the North Star."
"Xander. That's not the North Star. It's an airplane."
"Nah, that's not an airplane, it's definitely... a blimp! But I can see how one... could make that airplane mistake."
-Xander and Willow when they're lost in the woods.
"Maybe they're on their way here. I mean, this place is NORAD, and we are at DefCon One. (He looks around at the others’ blank stares) Okay, I so need male friends."
"We have to go out and look for them." (about Dawn and Spike)
"There's this guy at work I kind of hit it off with. Tito. I mean, he seems like a good... you were talking about Dawn and Spike, of course."
-Xander and Willow
"Ah. So you got a witch in the mix."
"More than one."
"I happen to be a very powerful man-witch myself. Or... male... Is it a warlock? ...Warlock."
-Razor (a demon), Tara, and Xander before a fight breaks out
"And a big Sunnydale round of applause for Tito the Amazing, plumber extraordinaire."
"So how's everything looking down there?"
"Like we should start gathering up two of every animal."
-Xander and Tara discussing the flood in the Summers' basement
"And you're sure it was a werewolf?"
"Well, let's see, um, six feet tall, claws, a big old snout in the middle of his face like a wolf. Um, yeah, I'm sticking with my first guess."
-Buffy and Xander
"Demons! Ah. There's something you don't see every day. Unless you're us."
