After placing the other knife in front of the other plate Nick retrieves the two glasses before him and as he puts them before each of them Nick sits down at the table and asks of Heath, “How is it?” who replies, “Fine sir.”
Trying a taste of it “I have to agree with you” Nick says. After eating a couple of minutes in silence “Heath” Nick then brings up “We have to have a talk. Okay?”
“Sure sir,” Heath replies.
Glancing down at his left hand and noticing the slightly swollen thumb Nick takes a hold of Heath’s hand and inquires, “What happened here?”
“Hit with hammer,” Heath answers.
Running his thumb slightly over Heath’s Nick asks, “Does it hurt?”
Shaking his head “No sir” Heath answers “It’s fine.”
“You gotta be more careful out there” Nick tells him who says “Yes sir. Sorry sir.”
“It’s okay Heath,” Nick replies talking softly to him, “These things happen.”
After a couple more seconds of eating silently Nick then tells him, “First, I need you to know that I was wrong, very wrong for leaving you out there the way I did. But I thought you had more sense to come in on your own. I never meant for you to stay out there all day and all night and then some without stopping. I didn’t know that you needed to be told to come in or you wouldn’t. I’m very sorry for that. I wouldn’t have done that if I had known,” after chewing a couple more bites and swallowing he resumes, “Second, I want to tell you that I was wrong about you. You’re not what I thought and I am sorry about that too.”
“No” Heath says “You were right. I’m a bastard. Bastards have no place in society. Bastards must only work, that is their only purpose here. That is what I am.”
“Heath,” Nick tells him, “You’re not a bastard.”
“Yes sir,” he replies, “I am,” debating the issue.
Placing his left hand over Heath’s right, “Heath,” Nick says, “No you are not. Now, stop saying that.” Heath replies, “Yes sir.”
“But,” Nick then says, “I do want to ask you some questions so I could get to know you better. Is that okay?” Heath replies, “Sure sir. You ask, I answer.”
“Before I ask you any questions” Nick says “I need for you to know something. I need you to know that you don’t need permission for any reason, not now, not ever to eat in this house or anywhere’s else. You could sit at this table anytime you want, whether it’s for eating or just sitting. Whether it’s daytime, night time doesn’t matter. You could sit here anytime you want.”
“Yes sir,” Heath answers, “I do.”
“Heath” Nick tells him sternly “Not in this house you don’t.” Watching him as he eats slowly, “How is it?” Nick asks of him who replies “Fine sir.”
“Keep eating” Nick soothingly informs him “It’s gonna be okay. I just need to know some things about you,” putting his left hand on Heath’s right forearm once trying not to shaken him up. After eating another bite, chewing and swallowing it, Nick washes it down with the drink he poured and tells Heath “Heath, you could drink that if you want.”
“Yes sir” Heath says; taking a sip of the drink while still keeping his eyes on Nick.
Continuing to observe him watching him Nick asks “How is that?” Heath replies “Fine sir.”
“Okay” Nick then asks after a second or two “Heath, up in the North Pasture and in the barn and just a couple minutes ago coming in here you thought I was gonna hit you; give you a whipping. Why is that?”
“You had reason to,” Heath answers, “I didn’t finish what I was to do. I dozed off; shouldn’t have done that. Went with Duke when told to take care of barn, shouldn’t have done that. Must do what told; was told to put fence up. You need to keep me in line to know my place here; mustn’t sleep if not said to. Thought since I didn’t do what I told, I not suppose to. You needed to do that.”
“But you did go with Duke right?” Nick asks.
Swallowing hard, “I did sir,” Heath admits, “I try not to. He told me to come with him, I told him I had to take care of barn.”
“If” Nick says “Duke didn’t tell you to go into the house and didn’t bring you here, you wouldn’t have come yourself?” Heath replies “No sir.”
Nick asks “Why Heath?”
“You said,” Heath replies, “Take care of barn, take care of horses, stack sacks of grain in shed. Do what is told to do.”
“And by going with Duke,” Nick asks, “You thought you disobeyed me?”
“Did sir,” Heath replies, “Didn’t mean to, but he said come, I tried not to.”
“And by going with him,” Nick says, “You think you disobeyed me and think that is reason to be punished?” Heath answers, “Yes sir.”
“If Duke didn’t say to come” Nick asks “You would’ve stayed and did what I gave you to do and you would not have eaten your dinner?” Heath replies “No sir.”
“Why Heath?” Nick wanted to know. Heath says “I be good; don’t want be bad.”
Studying Heath for a moment and thinking of what he wants to use as the next question Nick asks “Were you ever bad for your uncle?” next “Did your uncle hit/whip you for things that you did bad?” and then “Did any others do that to you too? Hit or whip you for doing something bad?” With each time Heath answering “Yes sir” to them.
Nick asks, “For eating?” to which Heath answers, “If I wasn’t suppose to, yes.”
Nick then asks, “For sleeping?” with Heath once again replying, “Yes sir.”
Nick inquires, “When else?”
Heath answers, “Anytime one had reason. If I did something wrong.”
“What do you define doing something wrong?” Nick queries.
“Define?” Heath says. Nick replies, “Explain to me; tell me what it is you did wrong to be hit. I want to hear.”
Shrugging shoulders “Anything” Heath states “Just to keep me in line, to make me know my place, if I touch something I wasn’t supposed to and didn’t ask, that would be. Don’t touch nuttin’ don’t belong to you, always told me. If I didn’t do what was told right that would be.”
“You were” Nick says “Out there working on that fence since this morning. No breakfast, no lunch, no dinner, not even a canteen filled with water and you haven’t even slept since Sunday morning; just working.” Heath replies “I was sir.”
“And,” Nick asks, “You consider that being wrong, to get a whipping for?”
“If need be,” Heath answers, “I’m a bastard; that is what I am to do.”
Hearing him use the word ‘bastard’ but letting it go for the moment Nick continues, “Seeing you on the floor eating, if I caught you with a fork in your hands or caught you sitting at this here table and no one in here said that you could do that or that it was alright to do that, is that cause for me to hit you?”
“Yes sir” Heath replies. Nick asks “In your uncle’s house?” Heath says “Hotel.”
“Sorry,” Nick replies, “In your uncle’s hotel, did you ever get hit for things such as that?” Heath answers, “Of course; must know my place there.”
“Tell me about it,” Nick then tells him, “Give me an example. Tell me what you did bad in your uncle’s hotel that was considered bad to be hit?”
“Well” Heath says “Once after told I could eat the oatmeal was there I went to pick up spoon that I saw on table and was about to eat out of the bowl I had.”
Nick asks, “Then what?”
“Then” Heath mentions “Aunt Martha came into the room, saw me and yelled ‘you little bastard, don’t you ever touch something of mine without my say so. You little retched, you will be taught to touch something of mine again.”
“What happened then?” Nick asks.
“She took me by the hand” closing his eyes he says “Took me to closet there” swallowing hard “Took out a strap and told me, told me to…” he stops talking.
Placing his hand on Heath’s again, “It’s okay, you don’t have to finish it,” cutting him off he asks, “She hit you?” As he nods his head, Nick inquires, “Then what?”
“She tossed me in,” Heath replies, “Told me I had to stay there.”
“Where?” Nick asks, “In the closet?”
Nodding his head “Yes sir” Heath says “She locked it and I had to stay in there.”
Nick softly inquires, “How long did you have to stay there?”
Shrugging shoulders, “Not know,” Heath informs him, “Til Uncle Matt came.”
“What happened then?” Nick wanted to know.
“Aunt Martha opened door to closet,” Heath explains, “Said, ‘come here you little bastard.’ ‘Matt take this worthless little thing and teach him a lesson, the no good for nothing miserable retched.”
“She said all that to you?” Nick asks of him who nods his head replying “She did.”
“And then what?” Nick says. Heath replies “He took me downstairs…” and stops.
“Took you downstairs,” Nick asks, “And hit you?” as Heath nods his head, “How old were you when this happened?” Nick wanted to know.
Watching Heath shrug his shoulders Nick chooses not to press the issue and raising his eyebrows goes onto the next question, “Out there working on the fence you didn’t move from that spot at all, not for any reason.”
“No sir” Heath assures him. Nick asks “Why not?” Heath replies “Not said could.”
“So tell me,” Nick wanted to know, “Suppose I didn’t come and get you tonight to come back. Would you still have stayed there all night? Working?”
“Yes sir,” Heath replies. Nick then asks, “Why?”
“Told me put up fence,” Heath explains, “I must do as told. If you say put up fence, I put up fence.”
“If you finished the fence,” Nick wanted to know, “And I had not come for you, would you still have stayed there?” Heath replies, “Yes sir.” Nick asks, “How come?” Heath reiterates, “Said to unhitch wagon and work on fence.”
“And,” Nick brings up, “Because I didn’t tell you to stop or come in you would’ve stayed there regardless until I came there and told you to stop or told you to come back to the house?” Heath replies, “Yes sir.”
Nick says, “And you always do what you’re told?” Heath repeats, “Yes sir.”
“Heath,” Nick wanted to know, “Don’t you ever decide anything for yourself? Do something because you want to and not because someone told you to or not want to or just for the sake of doing it?” Heath replies “No sir.” Nick asks again “Why?”
“Never did it,” Heath replies, “Bastards don’t have one.”
Sighing at the sound of Heath still using the word ‘bastard’ but letting it go Nick goes onto the next topic, “Heath, you were working out there all day and all night, wouldn’t you have stopped at all if I didn’t come for you?” Heath replies, “No sir.”
“Why?” Nick asks. Heath answers, “I work. Must do what is told to do.”
“When you work,” Nick asks, “You never stop to eat or rest?”
“Not suppose to,” Heath reiterates, “Must work when given.”
“Not at all?” Nick asks. Heath answers again “No sir” with assurance in his voice.
“How come?” Nick wanted to know.
“Not said stop,” Heath replies, “Must work until say stop or done.”
After eating another second or two and going onto the next question, “You would stop to eat,” Nick asks, “If someone, if I told you to, but you wouldn’t stop to eat when you were hungry?” Heath answers, “Yes sir, no sir.”
Nick asks, “Why?” Heath replies, “Not said could.”
“You mean,” Nick queries, “If no one told you to eat, if Mother didn’t tell you to come and sit and eat with us you wouldn’t?” Heath replies, “No sir.”
“But you came and ate when we said you could” Nick asks, “Or if somebody told you that you could like Duke or Silas then you would?” Heath says, “Yes sir.”
“Have you” Nick asks “Ever tried eating without someone telling you that you could?” Heath answers “Yes sir.” Nick asks “At your uncle’s?” Heath says “Yes sir.” Nick asks “And what happened? Give me an example. Tell me what you did.”
“Well” Heath answers “Once saw apple in bowl on table and took it. I just put my teeth into it and when Aunt Martha came in and saw it she said ‘you little bastard, that was not for you.’ Then she took her hand, hit me across the face, the apple dropped and I fell backwards. She then got out a strap and started hitting me and hitting me. When Uncle Matt came in she told him to take me downstairs, she said, I want him punished. I want him punished good!”
“And he took you downstairs” Nick asks “And punished you?”
Nodding his head “He did” Heath replies “Sir.”
“He seemed to bring you downstairs quite a bit” Nick notes “To hit you, to punish you.” Heath says “That is where I must go. I stay downstairs.”
“How often did that happen to you?” Nick wanted to know, “You getting punished for things like that? And how often did you go without something to eat?”
“Not know,” Heath shrugs shoulders and replies, “Just did.”
“Your uncle, your Aunt Martha and these others” Nick asks “Were some of them or any of them employers you worked for do this to you?”
“They were,” Heath answers, “To do that if feel I need to. Keep my kind in line.”
“What about the Wheelers and Deak?” Nick asks “Did they do anything like that to you?” Heath nods head, “They did.”
“What about your mama?” Nick inquires “Did she do any of these things to you? Have you eat on the floor or hit you for eating when you were not supposed to?”
“No sir,” Heath answers.
Nick says, “But your uncle and Aunt Martha did?” Heath answers, “Yes sir.”
“What about your Aunt Rachel or Hannah?” Nick asks, “Did they do any of these things to you?” Heath once again replies, “No sir.”
After swallowing another couple bites of their dinner Nick says to Heath, “You could have another sip of your drink.”
Replying “Yes sir” Heath does as instructed and takes another sip of his drink. And while swallowing and gulping down the drink he has, Nick is swallowing another bit of his dinner.
Waiting a couple seconds until Heath finishes before going onto the next topic; Nick then resumes and asks of him, “How about before you came here? On the way to here from Strawberry, did you eat then?”
“I ate fish,” Heath informs him, “And some of what Aunt Rachel and Hannah gave to me to take with me.”
“You said you don’t eat things warmed up because no one said to do that, right?” Nick inquires. Heath replies, “Yes sir.”
“But,” Nick asks, “Did you or did you not warm something up when you were not here? Or did you eat whatever you had on you cold?”
“Yes sir, I did,” Heath replies, “I put them on a fire when I made camp, when need to.”
“Then,” Nick inquires, “If you would warm something on the way here, why wouldn’t you warm what you had in your hands when I came in?”
“Not said could,” Heath answers, “Not done that before. Don’t touch nothing not mine. I am the same as out there where’s I belong. Out there is mine, where my kind belongs. Here, I don’t.”
“You don’t think you belong here?” Nick wanted to know. Heath replies, “No sir.”
Nick asks, “Why?” Shrugging shoulders, “Just don’t,” Heath answers.
Nick inquires, “Where do you think you belong, if you don’t mind my asking.”
“No,” Heath repeats, “You ask, I tell. I don’t belong no place. I am just here. I do what one says to do and that’s it. That’s all my kind is good for.”
Eating another bite in silence and then going onto another topic “Heath” Nick says “Did you ever fall asleep while working?” Heath replies “Yes sir.”
“And what happened?” Nick queries. Heath informs him, “I try not to.”
“But what happened if you did at any time?” Nick wanted to know. As Heath looks down at his plate, “Heath,” Nick asks, “Did they whip you for that?”
At first turning completely silent, but then nodding his head, Heath answers sheepishly, “Yes sir.”
Studying him carefully, “How long,” Nick asks of him, “Has that been going on?”
“Not know sir,” Heath replies softly.
“Your mama, Aunt Rachel and Hannah never did any of those things to you?” as Heath shakes his head Nick asks, “But your uncle did, your Aunt Martha, the Wheelers and whoever these others are did?” watching as he nods his head.
Nick then says “You mentioned something about your spending a lot of time at your uncle’s.” Heath replies, “Yes sir.” Nick asks, “How often did you see them?”
Shrugging shoulders, “Not know,” Heath replies, “Whenever in room.”
“And,” Nick asks, “He punished you quite often?” Heath answers, “Of course; to keep me in my place.” Nick asks, “Didn’t you see your mama at all?”
“I see her,” Heath says.
“Heath,” Nick asks, “Who did you see more of? Your Aunt Martha and your uncle or your mother?” Heath replies, “Don’t know; see all them.”
“Heath” Nick says “When I first met you I remember you saying when you look up at the sky that you wouldn’t mind being up there.” Heath replies, “Yes sir.”
“Heath” Nick asks “Why would you want to be up there, instead of being down here?”
“Not know” Heath replies, “Want to know what up there; wonder if it was better.”
“You also said you had to” Nick says “Whatever you did, you had to do it or you were told to do it.” Getting antsy and nervous “I did have to” Heath answers defensively.
Placing his hand on Heath’s “Relax Heath” Nick assures him “It’s okay.” A couple seconds later he goes onto another topic “What would you have thought if I didn’t come and get you, either today or tomorrow or any other day?”
With his brow narrowed in confusion “Don’t know,” Heath mumbles.
“You would just stay up at the North Pasture until I or someone came and told you to come back?” Heath replies, “Yes sir.”
“Do you think” Nick queries “If you came back on your own without finishing or without someone’s say so whether you’ve finished or not that you would get hit? Get a licking for doing so?” Heath repeats, “Yes sir.”
“So” Nick says “You always do what you are told.” Heath once again answers “Yes sir.” Nick asks “Why?” Heath replies “Because told to; must do as told.” Nick inquires “Always?” Nodding his head and looking at Nick, Heath replies “Yes sir.”
“And” Nick brings up “You always do what you are told no matter what because you don’t want to be punished; you don’t want to get hit right? You make sure you are good so that doesn’t happen?” Heath responds, “Yes sir.”
“And” Nick says “Seeing that you live and work here now I am suppose to be doing these things to you too; to keep you in line.”
Heath tells him “If need be; must obey at all times. Must do what as you say.”
“So,” Nick says, “You will always do what I tell you to do?” Heath states, “Yes sir.”
Taking another bite of his dinner Nick chews and swallows what he has and then taking a sip of his drink watches and waits a couple more seconds for Heath to do the same before returning to his questioning.
Resuming “I,” Nick then brings up, “Also noticed that since you first came here you haven’t addressed any of us by our names. You do however call Duke by his name and Bobby by his.” Heath replies, “Yes sir.” Nick inquires, “Why is that?”
“Must” Heath says, “Show respect when in one’s house. My kind must show respect.” Nick asks, “Heath, who told you that?” Heath answers, “Many, sir.”
“And these many,” Nick asks, “Were any of them your uncle and Aunt Martha?”
“Yes sir,” Heath replies.
Nick inquires, “Did they ever punish you if didn’t call them by sir or ma’am?”
“They did,” Heath admits.
“What about your mama,” Nick asks, “How did you talk to her? Did you call her Mama or Ma’am?” Heath states, “Mama.”
“What about your Aunt Rachel” Nick says “And Hannah what did you call them?”
“Call them,” Heath answers, “Aunt Rachel and Hannah.”
Nick says, “But not your uncle or Aunt Martha?” Heath states, “No sir.”
“What about Duke and Bobby,” Nick inquires, “You call them by their names?”
“Yes sir,” Heath replies. Nick asks, “Why is that?” Heath says, “Duke told me to call him Duke; Bobby said to call him Bobby.”
“So,” Nick reiterates, “You never call your Aunt Martha or Uncle Matt by their names?” Heath answers, “Couldn’t sir. Bastards must show respect.”
“Heath,” Nick says, “I just told you that you are not a bastard.”
“Yes sir, I am,” Heath states, “Always been one. Bastards are lucky to be around at all. I should be grateful for just that.”
“So,” Nick surmises, “Your uncle would punish you if you tried calling him anything but sir?” Heath states, “He would.”
Nick asks, “How did your mother feel about when he punished you?”
Shrugging his shoulders, “Don’t know,” Heath replies quietly. Nick asks, “Did she know about it? Did she know that he punished you?”
“Sometimes,” Heath answers, “Sometimes no; sometimes told not to say anything; so I didn’t.”
“Your uncle,” Nick asks, “Told you not to tell her any of this that was happening?”
“Some yes,” Heath replies, “Some no.”
“So,” Nick asks, “She knew some of the time but not all of the time?”
“Yes sir,” Heath answers.
“On the times,” Nick brings up, “If you told her at the times you were told not to what would’ve happened?” as Heath just looks at him, “If you told her,” Nick reiterates, “Or tried to tell her what would your uncle have done to you if you said anything about you’re being punished, about your being hit or whipped?”
“He said,” Heath says, “Not to tell her. If you do, you would be punished worse than that. Some times he say, if you say anything to your mama, I will punish her the way I punish you.”
“What about the times,” Nick asks, “That your mama knew about you being punished, what did she do about it?”
“Cried,” Heath replies, “Sometimes, tell me to stay away from there. Sometimes, take me home and help me feel better, tell him to leave me alone.”
“On these sometimes,” Nick asks, “What happened then?”
“Sometimes” Heath explains “She would be told to do a better job with me, this is what you get for having a bastard; there is no place in society for my kind.”
“Did your uncle tell her all that?” Nick asks. Heath replies, “He did sir.”
“Wasn’t there anybody around,” Nick inquires, “That you could’ve gone to and tell them about what was going on?”
“No sir” Heath answers “I’m a bastard. I got what is coming to me. I am child of a devil, my kind is evil, my kind is no good. That is what I am. My kind must be kept in line, know my place at all times. I deserve whatever is handed to me.”
“They said all that to you?” Nick wanted to know.
“They did,” Heath replies.
Taking another bite of his dinner and once again chewing and swallowing it Nick then tells Heath, “Have another sip of your drink there.”
Replying “Yes sir” Heath does as instructed. Nick then asks, “How is the dinner?” to which he once again responds “Fine sir” while washing down what he is eating with the drink he has before him.
Resuming his questioning Nick says “Heath that first day out in the barn when we fought I noticed that when you stopped you seemed to be” pausing “well” thinking of the right word he wanted to use “Scared” he then asks of him “Did I scare you that night? Did I make you afraid of me? Did you think I was gonna take you and punish you for something?” Heath just looks at him puzzled.
“It’s alright, I assure you. I just want to know” Nick then asks “Were you afraid of me that night?” watching as Heath nods his head.
“You were also afraid of me that next day” Nick brings up “When we were trying to find out more about you. I remember you watching me then. Were you wondering when I was gonna put you in your place here?” once again watching as Heath nods his head.
“You also” Nick notes “Panicked when I walked in and caught you with that plate in your hand. You thought I was gonna hit you or something for eating your dinner?” once again observing Heath nodding his head.
“I’m sorry I did that to you” Nick then says to him “But Heath, I have some news for you.” Heath asks, “Yes sir?”
Without warning and after hearing enough Nick quickly puts down his fork and gets up out of his seat. Heath being startled quickly tenses up, sliding out of his seat at lightning speed loses his footing and drops to the floor dropping the fork along the way and letting out a little whimpering cry as Nick moves towards him. As he moves against the wall that is behind him he tries to move away as Nick grabs hold of his arms that he puts out in front of him.
While getting down on his knees and keeping hold of his arms “Heath” Nick says, “Stop!” as he continues to struggle and try to move away Nick keeping his weight on him while still keeping his hold onto his arms tells him “Heath, settle down. Come on! Settle down! I’m not gonna hurt you!” as he still tries moving away from him with Nick shifting his position so that he’s facing him and really looking at him feeling him trembling but remaining with him and keeping a strong hold on him all the while Heath continues tries to break free of him says softly “I just want to talk to you Heath. Come on! Settle down! I’m not gonna hurt you.”
Just then coming out of his room hearing the commotion outside “Is everything alright Mr. Nick?” Silas asks as he sees the two of them on the floor together.
“Yes Silas,” Nick answers, “Everything is fine. Sorry to have awakened you.”
“Do you need some help?” Silas wanted to know, “Want me to go and get either Miz Barkley or Mr. Jarrod?”
“No,” Nick tells him, “I got it. Why don’t you go back to bed, everything is gonna be alright.” Silas asks, “You sure Mr. Nick?” Nick replies, “I’m sure.”
While Silas returns to his room not completely convinced Nick stays on Heath keeping his hold on his arms tightly not letting them go.
Watching as he continues trying to break free “Heath” Nick says “Do you want us to stay here all night like this?” as he continues breathing in and out heavily “We could” still keeping a tight grip on him “All I want to do is talk to you, give me a chance, listen to me” as he waits and observes him slowly giving in and as he begins calming down and not struggling as much “That’s it, Heath” Nick adds “Take it easy. I’m not gonna hurt you. I just want to talk. I just want you to listen; to hear me.”
Finally calming down and just looking at Nick keeping his hold and full attention on him watching as he looks straight at him “I’m ready” Heath tells him “You could do what must be done now” placing the fingers of his right hand on the button of his shirt Nick quickly places his hand on his for a second.
“No Heath,” Nick says, “I just told you I am not gonna hurt you. I am not gonna hit you. All I want to do is talk to you. I’m sorry Heath, but I do need to do this,” resuming his grip on him, “So you don’t try to up and run away before you heard what I have to say.”
Thinking of how he wants to begin “First” Nick says “I need for you to know that I don’t want you to ever be afraid of me, not now, not ever. I would never, ever hurt you. At least not intentionally! I want you to be able to come to me any time of the day or night, for whatever reason you need to. I will always be there for you.”
Watching as Heath averts his eyes downward “Heath” Nick then tells him “Look at me” not doing so “Heath” Nick repeats “Look at me.”
Waiting and watching as Heath who is still trembling but moving his eyes upwards and once they are looking directly at Nick to which he is making eye contact with him to where he is really studying his eyes all the while still managing to control all emotions, pride and keeping his grip on him tightly as he tries getting through to him.
Using his strong forceful tone of voice Nick resumes his talking “Second thing. No one, not me, not mother, no one in this house will ever hit or whip you. Not for any reason. No one and I mean no one will ever lay a hand on you again” moving one of his hands he grabs a hold of Heath’s chin and upon gripping it tightly keeps his eye contact with him and continues “Not now, not ever. I don’t operate or run my ranch that way. I expect the men that work here for me to put an honest day’s work in, if they don’t I tell them their services are no longer needed and send them packing. But, I never, repeat never do any kind of hitting or whipping. I am not a brutal person. I am sorry you thought that about me, I’m sorry I ever gave you that impression. I certainly wouldn’t do that to you. You got me?” observing as Heath nods his head.
Nick then says “If I should ever catch anyone trying to hurt you, they will have to answer to me” as Heath just looks at him with his brow furrowed in thought and confusion studying him while he talks in a curiously strange way not sure what to make of him but still trembling underneath but maintaining his pride.
“And thirdly,” Nick tells him, “I want you to know that I was wrong, very wrong for treating you so badly. I am very sorry for that and it won’t ever happen again. When you first came here and we were deciding to let you stay on or not I was outvoted. I wanted you to leave.”
“You want me to go?” Heath asks of Nick who replies, “No; listen. I agreed to let you stay on but I was gonna have you work and work until you had enough.”
“I do work,” Heath mentions.
Sighing heavily, “I know you do,” Nick says, “You work very hard; too hard. I am trying to get you to hear me. Listen!”
“I hear you,” Heath answers, “Want me to work. Don’t want me here.”
“No,” Nick says, “I do want you here, very much. There are gonna be some new rules around here for you.” Baffled “New rules?” Heath asks.
“Yes,” Nick replies, “First, I must tell you that I will never ever be working you the way I have been. Not ever again. I’m sorry I ever left you outside the way I did. I’m sorry that I had you locked up. I won’t ever do that to you again. This is a working ranch that is true but I don’t overwork anyone. And I certainly should never have done that to you. I am truly sorry for that.”
“Second” Nick mentions “I want you to be a part of this here family. I want you to feel that you are a part of it in every way that we are. I will never ever be yelling at you the way I have been, not ever again. I am very sorry for that too. I don’t want you to think that you need permission to do anything or need to be told to do something. What we have is yours. All of it! You don’t need permission to go help yourself to anything in here. Not a fork, not to eat, nothing. All of this-is yours too. I don’t want you to keep thinking of yourself as a bastard or a kind that has to be kept in line or don’t belong any place or that you have no place in society.”
“But,” Heath tells him, “That’s what I am. You can’t change that.”
“Oh yes I am,” Nick argues, “I am gonna somehow work with you and get you to see differently. I want you to be able to say yes or no to something because you want to. I want you to be able to make choices for yourself.”
“Not done that before,” Heath reminds him.
“Well,” Nick informs him, “I’ll be teaching it to you. What you don’t know I will show you. And I will never, repeat never do what I did to you again. I will not leave you outside there like I did. I am sorry that I ever did that to you and I’m sorry I just startled you just now but I had to do it this way so you would really truly hear me and listen. There is one more thing.”
“What’s that?” Heath wanted to know.
“Could” Nick asks “You get away from calling us sirs and ma’ams around here?”
“Can’t,” Heath replies. Nick asks, “Why can’t you?”
“Out of respect” Heath replies “While in one’s home must address properly. I am a bastard. My kind don’t belong in society; I must show respect when in one’s house.”
Nick says, “Heath, what did I just tell you?” Heath answers, “Stop saying bastard and a kind.”
“Well,” Nick tells him, “Stop doing that,” in a stern voice, “If you keep saying that then I will come down on you,” shaking him slightly, “You hear me?”
Tensing up, “Yes sir,” Heath replies.
Noticing Nick pulls back and taking his left hand runs it down alongside the right side of Heath’s head telling him “Sorry Heath! ‘Didn’t mean to do that, but I don’t want to hear you ever calling yourself a kind or a bastard again. Do you hear me?”
Looking downward, “Yes sir,” Heath replies.
“And Heath,” Nick tells him, “This is your house too now.”
“No” Heath says “Don’t have one. This is yours. I work here. When you say go, I go.”
Replying “Yes you do Heath,” Nick holding onto his arms still feels them shaking then asks, “Why does this bother you? Me touching you like this.”
Not answering Heath first looks at Nick and then returning his gaze downward replies quietly, “Don’t know.”
“We’ll work on that too. And Heath,” Nick informs him, “I want you here.”
Surprised, “You do?” Heath asks.
“Yes I do” Nick answers “We all want you here” emphasizing the words ‘yes, I do.’ Moving his hand Nick takes the tips of his thumbs and runs them alongside of Heath’s face very gently as he is telling him that.
“No one ever said that before,” Heath then says, “Why would you want the likes of me, I am no good.”
“Don’t be talking like that. You are good and we want you here Heath very much. We want you to stay; I want you to stay” Nick then asks “Do you want to stay?”
Shrugging his shoulders “Not know,” Heath replies, “I would, I mean I want to. I like to…Not sure…Never been asked that before.”
“Well,” Nick tells him, “We want you here.”
...Continued