Finding the cemetery Nick and Sarah stopped short when they found no sign of him. New life breathed into the storm of the previous night and the rain lashed down once again, threatening to flood the small cemetery. Sarah struggled to see as the rain began pelting her face.

"Nick, is his horse still in the livery stable?" she shouted to be heard above the sound of the rain which bounced fiercely back off the earth.

"I don't know Sarah... " Nick shouted back frustratingly. "Is there anywhere else he could be? Anyone else in town who he might go and see?"

"No, no one Nick, there is only his uncle and aunt and he wouldn't go there. Hannah but he wouldn't go back there. Oh Nick, in the state of mind he is in...... you don't think?"

"NO!" Nick said emphatically trying to convince himself as well as Sarah. "No... absolutely not."

"Senor?" A voice from behind said. Both Nick and Sarah turned round sharply to face a young priest.

"Senor, my name is Father Sanchez, "You are looking for the man who was here this morning?"

"Yes, this morning?" A moment of hope broke through Nick's confusion as his boots squelched through the mud in an attempt to get closer to the priest. "You saw my brother here this morning?"

"His name is Heath?"

"Yea, that's my brother. You know where he is? Can you take me to him?"

The priest noticed the lady standing behind the tall man. "Come inside senor, senorita... please... out of the rain."

"Father you don't understand... I need to find my brother.... he's hurt, confused...." "Please senor.... we talk inside, yes?"

"Nick please," Sarah pleaded. Nick nodded and stepped back to allow Sarah to go before him.

Inside the priest ushered both Nick and Sarah to sit down and stoked up the fire to breathe warmth back into the room. Nick refused, preferring to remain standing.

"Please senor....it is better that we talk sitting down." Nick reluctantly complied.

"Look father... like I said... I need to find my brother Heath... is he here? Can I see him?"

"Senor, I found your brother quite by chance in the early hours of this morning. He was lying in the rain next to what I have since learned was his son's grave. You are the baby's mother?" He said turning to Sarah.

Sarah nodded, the priest was new in town and clearly unaware of her vocation, now was not the moment to tell him. Father Sanchez continued.

"How long he had been there I cannot say, I don't think even he knew. He looked like he didn't care... he looked senor....like a man who wanted to join his son. You understand what I am saying?"

Nick nodded, a stab of pain shot through his heart. Yes, he knew what the priest was saying. He shook his head, he couldn't think of that now. He had to concentrate on finding Heath. "You brought him in here?" Nick's worried tone didn't escape the young priest.

"I did senor, I helped him as best as I could and offered him the chance to stay so that we could talk."

"And did he?"

"Some... but he was guarded and as you say hurt and confused. Unfortunately, I couldn't persuade him to stay... he rode out of here two hours ago."

Nick slammed the fist of his right hand into the leathered palm of his left. "Heath.... doggone it boy, this isn't going to get you anywhere." He looked up at the priest. "I don't suppose you know which road he took out of town?"

"Si Senor, I do..... he took the road to Stockton. He was going home senor, your brother was going home.............."

Nick knew there was something the priest wasn't telling him. "But what Father?"

"Your brother..... he was coughing and shivering badly when he left here.... I tried to get him to rest but he was very stubborn." Nick rolled his eyes back and the priest realized he wasn't telling the taller man anything he didn't already know.... "I'm sorry senor, " the priest continued with more gravity. "But I think unless you find him quickly your brother may become very sick..... he may not reach home."

"I can't Nick... I can't follow you to Stockton."

"Sarah you have to.... things are still not sorted between you two. You have to come back to the ranch with me."

"He doesn't want to see me.... he rode out of town without seeing me. Doesn't that tell you something... he hates me now and I can't blame him."

Nun or no nun, Nick wasn't in the mood for this.

"Look Sarah, he's sick and confused. Think about it. He comes searching for you, finds out he's a father and has a dead son in the same day ...... Dammit woman is it any wonder he's confused. He's hurting and lost at the moment. You may be a nun Sarah, but you're a woman too and you loved that boy enough to share a bed with him once and have his child. I watched the way you held him yesterday. And I watched how he let you. You couldn't hold him like you did at the graveside and not have strong feelings for him. That wasn't just grief and compassion Sarah, that was love."

Nick saw Sarah flinch at his blunt words. "I'm sorry Sarah... I love my brother more than I love life itself and right now he's my main concern." He hung back for a moment from saying anything more and then pressed on watching for her reaction. "I could be wrong but something tells me he's yours too. You owe him this. You owe yourself this. A chance to find peace between you both."

Heath rode blindly, letting Charger for the most part lead the way. His mind searched for peace and his body for warmth and rest, none of which was forthcoming. His clothes still wet on his back from the rain that had lashed down during his time spent at his son's grave, prompted a series of chills and shivers that he knew left unattended would be his undoing. His body was too tired to respond. All he knew was that he wanted to get home and yet home at this distance seemed so far away. Startled, suddenly Charger shied, spinning round to flee to safety as a large limb of an ancient blue oak laden with overnight rain gave a warning shudder before tearing from the trunk and crashing to the ground with a thunderous noise. Heath, taken unaware with his mind many miles away was hurtled unceremoniously from the saddle to land on the still sodden ground.

He remained stilled, lifeless and without hope. Unconsciousness beckoned and he succumbed quickly to the peace that it offered him and let his eyes roll backwards in quiet acceptance.

Heath felt himself being drawn back to consciousness and didn't like it. At some point his body objected and slumped willingly back into the darkness.

"Oh no you don't." A familiar but distant voice bellowed, its usual thunder strangely muted as it fought to be heard in the blur and confusion that was Heath's semi-conscious state. Commanding as the voice was, Heath chose to ignore it. That was his first mistake.

As if stung by the young man's impudence the voice took on substance and Heath felt his right eyelid slowly prized open by a finger and thumb. He fought against the intrusion and moved his head from side to side in protest.

"It's okay Heath," the voice softened, its previous tone calmed by the response he was getting, "you're gong to be okay."

Heath wasn't able to make sense of it.. All he could reason was that he wanted to go back to sleep. Sleep offered simplicity and peace and right now it formed an overpowering pull over anything else. That was his second mistake. The voice willing him to waken had other plans and proved unrelenting in its purpose. At some point it became easier for Heath to surrender to its demands than make the effort to resist.

Heath blinked several times trying to clear his blurred vision and then slowly began to focus on the face in front of him.

"Nick?" he said weakly.

Nick gave a broad smile and flashed two rows of brilliant white teeth as he leaned over his brother.

"The one and only," he said with genuine delight. "Welcome back little brother, you've been gone a while."

After a few moments, Heath felt Nick's strong, reliable arms help prop his body up higher on his pillows. He made some effort to help but it was Nick's strength that completed the task.

"I've been sick again?" Heath's question to his brother was rhetorical but Nick answered it nonetheless adding humor to alleviate Heath's distress at his own weakness and his probable realization that he had been foolhardy too in trying to ride back to the ranch during a heavy storm. Outwardly Heath's physical appearance was a walking advertisement for good health but that damned chest of his nearly always proved his undoing. After two days of semi-consciousness, Nick knew that now was not the time to question Heath's foolhardiness but simply to get him back on the mend.

"There's no fooling you little brother," said Nick as he sat down on the edge of the bed and began wiping the small beads of sweat that lightly mottled his brother's brow. Heath accepted his brother's ministrations without protest. Their respective roles had been played out before and were undertaken now with minimum fuss and embarrassment. Nick explained to Heath how he had found him on the road and brought him back to the ranch. Heath asked about Charger and grew relieved when told his horse was unhurt. They talked for several minutes, deliberately skirting around more painful subjects, both sensing that now was not the time to probe deeper. Eventually Heath made a move to get up and pulled back the sheet covering him. He took in the fact that he was naked and wondered why it was he always seem to lose his clothes in these situations. A more pressing need to get to the water closet took over. Nick offered him a chamber pot and then quickly retracted the offer under Heath's withering look. "Just an idea," he said out loud, silently amused at Heath's indignant reaction. "Want some help?" he asked as Heath took a moment to adjust to his sitting position before standing up. Nick's instinct to help took an uncustomary backseat as he waited to be invited. Heath shook his head, stood and made a few shaky steps to the end of the bed where he paused for a few moments with his hands resting on the bed post for support.

All of a sudden there was a momentary knock at the door and to Heath's eternal embarrassment Sarah entered the room unexpectedly. Shocked looks were exchanged and then silence.

Sarah dropped the tray she was carrying and Nick scrambled with the sheets to quickly cover up his brother. As Heath crimsoned, Sarah turned her head away and blurted out her apologies. She hadn't expected to see him awake and had entered simply to take over Heath's care and allow Nick some much needed sleep.

Even in Heath's weakened state he found enough strength to glare accusingly at his brother. "You couldn't lock the door?" he mouthed disbelievingly, his need to go to the water closet forgotten in the more urgent need of relocating the safety of his bed. Nick chose to extricate himself from the situation with humor and challenged Heath's accusatory look. "Well," he said, feeling he was stating nothing more than the obvious, "it's not as though she saw anything she's not seen before!" His statement floored the once intimate couple. Sarah spluttered and in embarrassment left the room, muttering a series of apologies and Heath fell back on the bed, pulled the sheet over his head in disbelief and willed himself unconscious again.

Later that day Heath sat up in bed as Sarah fed him some hot broth from a spoon. Save for an annoying cough, Heath was feeling much better. He could easily feed himself but considered that it would help overcome their previous awkwardness if Sarah was occupied with something practical whilst sitting in his room.

"I'm sorry about before Sarah," Heath said presently, careful to watch for her reaction. Sarah offered him another mouthful of soup before saying anything. He didn't want it but took it anyway realizing she needed some time to answer.

Eventually, she smiled. For one so worthy Sarah had a wicked smile and it did Heath good to see it again. He had missed it, missed her and their easy comfort with each other. "Well, it certainly wasn't what I was expecting to see but Nick's right, it's not anything that I haven't seen before." For a moment Heath was shocked at her boldness and then slowly the pair began laughing at the absurdity of their situation, made all the more ridiculous for the fact that she was a nun and he a love-sick cowboy.

After the trauma of a few days ago, both needed that laugh. The pain wasn't forgotten. Questions still needed asking and hurts to be redressed but for the moment both let it rest as they once again re-kindled their friendship.

Suddenly, Heath's laughing started a coughing spasm and Sarah expertly moved to help him sit up and assist. It brought her in close contact and the moment was not lost on either of them as settling Heath looked up into her eyes. "I'm glad you came Sarah." His tone was hopeful, the true meaning of his words unable to mask how he felt. Still, he knew he had to tread carefully. "How long can you stay?"

Sarah helped ease him back down on the pillows again before answering him. "Just a few days... time for you to get better and for us to talk." The remembrance of their son brought them renewed pain and Heath nodded. "I love you Sarah," he said staring into her eyes. Sarah's heart missed a beat at the unexpected gift he'd just given her, for all his pain and hurt, he still loved her. She knew in that moment she would have it for life. "Rest," she said, understandingly whilst smoothing his brow, her touch felt so good and he leaned into it. What Heath would give to have the hand comforting him belong to his wife; for this to be their room and their bed he was lying in; for her to nurse him better and not leave in a few days; to have more children with her and a happy life. These and more thoughts continued to haunt him as he slowly drifted towards sleep. And sleep he did, eventually, unaware of the kiss she placed on his insentient lips or the knowledge that in that kiss she too shared for a moment his dream.

Nick stood in the foyer unable to stop the runaway words coming from his mouth. "What the devil? Dammit woman, I can't take you riding in that!"

"Language Nicholas, please remember to whom you are addressing," his mother chided, sending an apologetic look to Sarah.

"How the de.v.... " Nick stumbled clumsily over the need to find more appropriate words, "In that get up how can I forget?" Nick protests were not unfounded as he looked at Sarah, her clothes changed from the day dresses she had been wearing back into the nun's habit she more usually wore. The fact that Nick had not seen her dressed like that before unnerved him. Sarah he could speak to. Sister Jacob? Well she was someone he didn't know, they hadn't been introduced and yes it unnerved him.

Nick contemplated the past few days with all its highs and lows. He had all but had to force Sarah to accompany him in search of Heath and then back to Stockton. Since their return the whole family had taken care of Heath's care but sensing that Nick and Sarah needed to be with him more, each had taken a less obvious role once they knew that Heath's injuries weren't serious and his fever had quickly abated. Each was concerned for Heath's emotional state but somehow knew that it could only be resolved between Sarah and Heath and so for that reason they allowed Sarah to spend as much time with Heath as possible.

Victoria with her mother's instinct knew the situation could prove dangerous. She was under no doubt about the strength of Heath's feelings for Sarah and that these could only deepen under such proximity, despite his recent grief. Her instincts about Heath were always accurate and at odds with the fact that she wasn't his natural mother. Of all her children she sometimes thought she knew him best. She also believed strongly that Sarah's feelings for Heath were unresolved. Try as she might she could see no future for them together and a part of her grieved deeply for the fact. She loved Heath and she increasingly liked Sarah; they were undoubtedly made for each other.

Nick shuffled uncomfortably on his feet, jingling his ostentatious spurs in the process. He had come to like Sarah Francis too over the last few days but this Sister Jacob? Well she was someone different entirely. How could he relate to a woman dressed in a penguin outfit in the same way he had done with Sarah? Their easy speech and banter dissolved rapidly into the foreboding nun's habit she was now wearing.

"Nick, what is it?" Sarah inquired of her new friend, unable to mistake his unease or his quick temper.

"That!" Nick said pointing at what she was wearing. "It's totally unsuitable for riding in." He wanted to say it was unsuitable for their friendship too but he found it hard to articulate his thoughts or even understand them himself; it was as if her decision to put on the nun's habit had been done deliberately to remind herself of who she was and to put some distance between them and most especially Heath. "If you want to go riding with me, I suggest you go change and wear something more practical."

Victoria attempted to repair the situation. "Sarah my dear, it would be a shame if you and Nick didn't get out for your ride. You've both been cooped up in here and the fresh air and chance to get out would do you both good. Let me see if Audra has something to fit you. You are both of a similar build."

Sarah smiled, a smile that spoke of understanding, embarrassment and regret at offending this dear woman who she had come to truly admire. "Thank you Mrs Barkley but I feel more comfortable in these clothes, they fit me better, I think."

Victoria arched her eyebrow at her last remark and felt the barrier come down between them. She cupped Sarah's hand in a motherly gesture, unsure that Sarah had yet had the proper chance to come to that decision. "Are you sure about that Sarah? Are you really sure?"

Sarah looked into the concerned eyes of Victoria, "Yes, Mrs Barkley, I'm sure."

Nick stormed into the quiet of the parlor like a force ten gale and paced the room furiously, spurs jingling with each defined stride.

"Good afternoon Nicholas?" Victoria replied calmly not lifting her eyes from the paper she was studying, worried about the tread he was making in her carpet.

Nick let out a deep sigh at his mother's calm response and like a frustrated child tugged at the middle of her paper in order to get her undivided attention, "I tell ya mother we've got trouble.... BIG trouble."

Unruffled, Victoria shook her paper free and straightened it, "We do? You mean more than the usual Nick?"

"What?" Nick was thrown off guard for a moment but chose to press on."It concerns Heath," he said settling back on the couch and folding his arms across his black leather vest.

The mention of her youngest son immediately caught Victoria's attention. She put down the paper and turned to face her son anxiously. "Is he sick again?" She tried to control the alarm in her voice.

"No he ain't and that's the problem?"

Victoria inwardly sighed from relief and then stated confusedly, "And just how is that a problem Nick?"

Nick looked at his mother with disbelief. "Mother, tell me? When have we ever been able to keep that boy in bed when he's been ill without a darned good fight on our hands? Why I have to all but haul that boy back by the seat of his pants the number of attempts he makes to get out of his sick bed. And the boy wonders why we don't bother putting any clothes on him now. If it weren't for that damned modesty of his we'd never be able to keep him in bed...... course it didn't work the other day when Sarah walked in on him but as a rule it works more often than not."

"She did?" Victoria thought for a minute to explore his statement further but thought better of it. "Well... you're brother has always proved stubborn," she offered in explanation, "It's a problem I have with all my sons ~ what are you driving at Nick? You're brother's not sick now."

"EXACTLY" Nick replied standing up suddenly.

Agitated by his behavior Victoria motioned for him to sit down again and had to settle for a compromise when Nick sat down on the edge of the settee. Victoria was beginning to understand, "Oh I see, you mean the problem is that Heath is not out of his sick bed yet?"

"Don't you think that's mighty peculiar Mother? Don't you wonder what it is that's keeping him there?"

"I should have thought that is pretty obvious, Nick."

"Sarah?"

Victoria nodded.

Nick twisted his hands together and then fisted one hand into the palm of the other with frustration and concern, "It ain't good Mother... That boy upstairs... I tell ya he ain't living in the real world....... Do you know he hasn't even discussed the baby yet? Tell me, what's that all about?"

Victoria sought to comfort her middle son's concerns but he wouldn't be appeased.

"Ya should have seen him mother... at the grave.... clawing away at the earth. I felt like.... like he was going to climb on in down there... he was broken Mother.... shattered..... I felt like I wasn't going to be able to put the pieces together and even if I did I didn't think I could make him whole again. There's a part of him back there in Strawberry. He lost something that day Mother, he lost the part of him that belonged to his child."

Victoria moved to comfort her middle son and placed a small comforting hand on his back. For such a small hand it had undeniable strength and Nick immediately calmed under its influence. She allowed him to continue.

"Since he's been ill, he's said nothing Mother..... it's like he's keeping all that he feels at bay.... all he does is stare at Sarah with puppy dog eyes and let's her take care of his needs. The slightest suggestion that she might move away or get ready to leave and he suddenly becomes "ill" again. She's upstairs now... reading to him. Mother, it ain't right - what he's living..... well it's fantasy........not real..... it's just a pipe dream and its about time my little brother woke up."

Later that day Victoria relieved Sarah of her charge and sat on the edge of Heath's bed watching him eat from the tray she had just brought him. She watched with some satisfaction as his appetite appeared fully returned. As she sat and watched she thought carefully about Nick's words. She knew what he had said was true. They had given Heath rein but now it was time to rein him back in.

Taking the finished tray from her son's lap, she placed a mother's hand on Heath's brow as he lay back on the pillows. Heath turned and gave her a reassuring smile, not wishing to worry her. She leaned over him and kissed him briefly on the lips in the way that she did with all her children. "You're looking better Heath."

Heath gave his mother a wry smile and then said, "But......?"

"Oh nothing," Victoria occupied herself with straightening her son's covers. He waited for her to continue knowing that she would. "It's just that... well maybe you will feel fit enough to come downstairs tomorrow and start sharing meals with the family. Everyone misses you Heath and it will be good for you to get out of this room."

Heath gave her a wary look and then quickly turned to stare out of the window to avoid the intelligent eyes which read him so well.

Victoria understood. This room provided a cocoon in which he could remain safe against the pain of the outside world, the death of his child and the realization that Sarah would have to return to the convent and their lives would once again separate. Cautiously but determinedly she pressed on, "Heath.... Have you and Sarah talked yet? About....... about the baby I mean?"

The muscles around Heath's mouth tightened and his eyes slowly began to well. Heath's eyes spoke a language all their own ~ an arched eyebrow that could communicate a question, a double take or an amused look with just the slightest of change or in this case a nervous flinch and sadness that articulated pain and fear far better than any words could. The forefinger of his right hand moved quickly to the corner of each eye and across each lid to stop the flow of his tears becoming obvious. With a mother's instinct Victoria gently removed his finger and replaced it with her lace handkerchief to dab the remaining tears away.

Heath bit his lip to fight back his emotions. Suppressed for a week they threatened to overtake him now and his body trembled in response. "I'm scared Mother...... I'm scared of the pain I will feel when we do talk and that when we have talked Sarah will then go away. I don't want that to happen."

Victoria took her son's hand and clasped it warmly, "But that may happen anyway Heath......" she looked to find the right words, "if you don't talk the pain of not confronting what happened will not allow you to accept and move on," Slowly she turned her son's face toward her, "Heath, you had a son,,,,,,, he was a part of you and a part of Sarah and he died." Victoria saw Heath flinch as the word was spoken out loud and made real. "Yes Heath, he died without either of you getting the chance to know him and watch him grow up."

Tears formed in Heath's eyes once again and this time he let them flow freely. "I know it hurts Heath," she continued, "but the loss is not yours alone, it only feels that way now because you didn't know about Jonathon. Remember, Sarah has grieved hard too, does still and has done so alone."

Heath suddenly broke away from his mother's embrace, "I know Mother. I know she has carried this alone....... I don't blame her....God knows I don't......I feel guilt that she had to and I wasn't there.... I want to understand what happened and I will...it was just seeing his grave there.... the loss...... I can't describe the hurt ...... and part of that was because I never knew about him."

Victoria moved round the bed to where Heath was now facing the window. He had pushed the covers back, she thought angrily, and now sat bare-chested, his breathing heavy with emotion and with his hands gripping the mattress, turning the knuckles of his hands white in the process. His eyes were centered on the window and the world that seemed so far removed outside. For a moment she felt he saw the life he might have had with Sarah and children and she shared his vision too. He was pulled from his thoughts by a determined Victoria. "You have to talk to her Heath. You can no longer avoid it. It has to be now Heath."

Her cruel words spoken to be kind collapsed in defeat almost at the expression in his eyes, their sparkling blueness pooling into oceans of sadness. They were pleading with her now.

"I don't want her to go Mother, it will be like losing her again."

"Losing her? But Heath sweetheart, she is not yours to lose....." She hugged him closely and steeled her voice knowing she had to make him understand, "much as you want her to Heath she is not free to love you in the way that you want..... and deep down you know that..... you have to let go Heath, you have to let her go ~ it will be easier for you both that way. She needs you to release her willingly, I'm not sure she is strong enough to do it on her own."

Heath suddenly turned to his mother, his face full of anguish, "And I am?"

She knelt down in front of him and shook his shoulders forcefully willing him to understand, "You have to be, Heath.... you have to be strong for her.... as much as Sarah's faith is strong I don't think she can withstand the pull on her heart that your presence causes her....you're tearing her apart Heath, you have to release her so that she can make the right choice.

She wasn't sure her words had got through, she could only hope and feel for her deeply sensitive young son whose only crime had been to fall in love.

Over the next two days Heath made an effort to have meals with his family and help with light chores around the ranch. Victoria watched him carefully knowing that he had yet to speak to Sarah.

On the third day, Nick came across him saddling Charger. "You're going riding? Sure you're up to it? After all you've only been doing light chores up to now."

"I figured if I was fit enough to be up I was fit enough to ride. 'sides, I'm not going far. Need to sort a few things out in my head. I'm planning to talk to Sarah later today. Figured it was about time......"

Nick patted Heath on the shoulder, he knew he was often accused of being over protective of Heath ~ he made no apologies for that, not even to Heath himself but sometimes it meant that he overlooked the quiet strength and determination that was an inherent part of his brother. Heath had come to realize that he could no longer avoid speaking to Sarah and having realized that would no longer run from the task or the risk that he would no longer see her again.

"Well," he said gruffly, "don't let me have to come searching for you, if I find you've pushed yourself too far and keeled over somewhere I swear I'll hog tie you to that bed of yours for a month." The irony of his statement didn't escape Nick. Only a few days ago he'd been worried about Heath staying in bed too long and now he was worried in case his younger brother pushed himself too far. "Well I know what I mean," he thought to himself and thought no more on the matter.

"Nick?"

"Yea? Can I at least have some pants put on me when I am laid up in bed next time?"

"No!" Nick responded emphatically. "You can't be trusted not to wander off somewhere. At least this way we don't need to use a ball and chain to keep you in bed. You don't know how much trouble you are when you are laid up ill and if the fear of being seen in your birthday suit keeps you there so be it. No one in the family will be complaining."

"No appeal?"

"None!"

Heath's ride proved cathartic. He rode Charger fast and hard and allowed the simplicity and feel of being at one with his old friend to chase some of the demons away. They had no set destination, simply a start and end to a journey of their choosing, and its appeal lay in its lack of human complication, at least for a few hours.

Back at the ranch, Nick looked out anxiously beyond the boundaries of the compound and gates. Occasionally, he would look at his time piece and mumble something incomprehensible, and, no doubt, the odd cuss word or two. No one was under any illusion that what he mumbled concerned Heath. Jarrod came out of the house and caught his brother out of the corner of his eye.

"Something troubling you, Nick?"

"Oh only about 6'1" of pure stubbornness, that's all."

"Ah, Heath."

"He's gone riding. That was two hours ago."

"Two hours isn't long, Nick."

"It is when he's recently been sick."

"Nick," Jarrod reassured him, "Heath can take care of himself. He's probably just out enjoying the beauty of the day and the wind on his back. Remember, he's been cooped up for over a week. Let him spread his wings for a bit."

"Well, maybe, but I tell ya, Jarrod, if he ain't back in the next hour, I'm going after him. Do you know he's intending to speak to Sarah today?"

"Ah, I see. And you see it ending badly?"

"You mean you don't? ..... For heaven sake, Jarrod, she's a nun!"

"Nun's have become ex-nun's.... " Jarrod reasoned. "With difficulty, I agree, but it has happened, and does."

"You mean you would encourage Heath? Dammit, Jarrod, Mother and I are working to get Heath to let go! Don't you go confusing things."

"I think you'll find, Nick, Heath will make up his own mind regardless of us. Our little brother is unpredictable in matters of love."

"You can say that again, Pappy. Still I wish I could spare him. It is bound to end in tears."

"Well if it does, Nick, he couldn't have a better family to help see him through it. Now stop worrying about Heath until there is something to worry about. I'm going to the office. I'll be back around six."

The end of Heath's journey took a surprising turn as he rode Charger to the mission that stood just outside of town. The mission and its priest were well known to the Barkleys. Heath himself had done some repair work to the roof only last summer, and Victoria and Audra were directly involved in raising funds for the orphanage and offering practical help.

Father Joseph, sitting at a table on the veranda, spied Heath dismounting from his horse and went over to greet him. "Heath, this is a pleasant surprise. How are your mother and family? They are well, I hope?"

Heath gave a self-conscious smile as he took off his hat and shook the older man's hand, still wondering why he had ridden over here. "Well, Father... they're all very well, thank you. Mother and Audra should be out here next week."

"Ah, that's good to hear. Your family is so supportive and generous to our mission here. I'm not sure what we would do without your help." Welcoming the young man's company, he urged Heath to sit down and accept a cooling drink from a pitcher of lemonade recently served by his housekeeper, Maria. Heath accepted gladly, and the mother of four let out a wistful sigh at the handsome smile he gifted her in thanks.

"Ah, such a beautiful smile! If only I was ten years younger," she lamented wistfully as she lightly pinched the young man's cheek.

"Twenty at least," the good humored priest added, safe in the knowledge his joke wouldn't cause offense with such a valued and trusted friend.

"Ah, listen to the good Father," Maria parried back and then proceeded to speak quickly and loudly in Spanish as she walked away.

Heath colored under the translation. For some of it concerned him and the rest was a tirade against the good Father.

"I'm sorry about that, Father Joseph added. "I can see from your face you speak Spanish, Heath. Maria is a good woman, but she has a fiery temper, no doubt about it. I pride myself that when she is here, she is giving her husband Pepe some peace."

Heath laughed as he imagined the scene.

"So what brings you out this way, Heath? You can see from the roof you fixed last summer how well it is holding up."

Heath was in a spot. What was his reason for coming? He had ridden over here for a purpose, that he knew, but faced with it, he looked for alternative things to discuss.

Heath's eyes scoured the building and compound. He coughed nervously. "Looks like you may need some more work done around the place, Father. I'll be happy to spare you some time next week to do some repairs."

Father Joseph sat back in his chair and pushed the tips of his fingers on both hands together and then to his lips in contemplation. "Why, thank you, my son. It is true the mission is always in need of help, but it can work both ways too, Heath. It can offer help and assistance too."

Heath flinched a little.

"From the look of the sweat on your horse, you have had a long ride this morning. Did you find it helped?"

"Helped?"

"With your troubles, my son."

Heath downed his glass of lemonade. "I'd better go. The family will be wondering where I am."

Father Joseph leaned forward and placed a fatherly hand on Heath's knee. "What is it, Heath? I sense you have come here to talk. Don't go away without saying what you want to say."

Heath gave him a small smile. "I guess I don't hide it very well."

"Something you can't hide, is the fact that you have not been very well, Heath."

"I'm fine, Father. It's true I've not been well, but I'm recovered now........... You're right though ......I did come here to talk to you today."

"Tell me, Heath,"

Heath shifted uncomfortably. "It's kinda difficult to discuss, especially with a priest an all."

"Take your time, Heath,"

Heath got up from the table and ran his fingers through his hair in embarrassment and frustration. "I'm in love, Father, and I want to be married," he eventually blurted, regretting his words instantly.

"But this is not a problem, young man. It is joyous news. Is the girl Catholic? Are you wanting to arrange the wedding here?"

"Well, yes, she is Catholic...... But, Father, it's more complicated than that."

"Her parents don't approve?"

Heath felt the conversation was going off track and knew he wasn't helping any. "Well, no, they definitely don't approve, but that's not the problem, Father." Heath walked away for a minute to look out across the meadow, anything to keep his back to the priest. "Ya see, Father, the woman I want to marry is a....well she's a.....you see she's a.........."

The priest encouraged him to go on, feeling for the young man. "Yes, my son?"

Heath no longer knew what to say and so just said it. "She's a nun, Father. The woman I want to marry is a nun." Heath counted the silence that opened up between them. He had heard silence described as deafening and waited for the priest to respond with hell fire and damnation. He didn't expect the next words. He expected anger, rage against someone who wanted to steal one of their own away.

"And how does she feel about you, Heath? Has she said she wants to leave the convent? Does she want to marry you? Does she love you, my son?"

Heath turned and was surprised to see Father Joseph sitting calmly in his chair. Far from judging the young man, the priest's face showed only care and concern. This reaction threw Heath for a moment. Under stress, his voice took on the southern emphasis of words which reflected his mother's roots and influence.

"As to the first question, I don't rightly know. I think she loves me. I believe she does. And, as to the second, well, I haven't declared my intentions fully yet, though she knows I love her. I'm afraid she will decide not to leave the convent. I'm not sure I can handle that."

"It is a serious thing to ask someone to give up their faith, Heath. You are a man of integrity and honor. Therefore you can understand that."

Heath's face twisted with irritation, annoyed that the priest had misunderstood.. "I don't want her give up her faith. I couldn't and wouldn't ask her to do that ~ but neither do I believe marriage and faith are mutually exclusive. To me, a person can serve and love God within a marriage and family too."

"This is true, my son, and many couples achieve that. It's just for some people, the desire to serve God is stronger. Their devotion to God does not allow for other commitments."

Heath looked back at the priest, confused. "It don't seem right, Father..... to shut oneself away like that."

"It is the sacrifice some are willing to make and do so happily, Heath. It is their right and their decision, not ours, Heath. We must remember that."

Heath winced. He didn't believe that ~ he wouldn't. Sarah's life wasn't just important to her. It was important to him.

"So far, Heath, you have talked about your feelings, your wants. It seems to me you should be talking to her about hers. If you are destined to be together, then it must be done on honest terms."

"She could leave her order?" Heath offered.

"She has made a serious commitment, Heath. The church will want to make sure she is absolutely sure about any decision she makes. It won't be easy, nor will it be made easy. The church will put up a fight to keep her. Is that what you really want? For her to fought over?"

"I've never been afraid of a fight, Father. I can fight back."

"But that isn't fair, Heath. With due respect, this is not your fight. She should be allowed to make up her own mind in this."

Heath retrieved his hat and made ready to leave, unsure of what he had accomplished today.

"I disagree, Father. To me Sarah is worth fighting for ~ I made a mistake in the past. I won't do it again."

"Heath!"

Heath turned to find Sarah emerging from the church. Her appearance stunned both Heath and the priest, as neither were aware of her visit to the mission. Heath grimaced as he felt the odds stack up against him. This was God's cruel joke and he His victim. The church grounds, her dressed as a nun, and the priest on his left all grew too heady for him, and for a moment he thought he would faint as the emotions of the last week threatened to overwhelm him.

"Is that how you consider me?" Sarah said sharply. "Something to be fought over? What about my feelings, Heath? What about my beliefs?"

Heath felt the sting of her words and memories of arguments from their youth resurfaced to remind him of Sarah's temper. In his wild days their arguments had been legendary. Though shaken, Heath recovered quickly and immediately looked apologetic. This is not how he planned it. She had every right to be angry with him. Still he had come too far to go back now.

"Sarah, maybe if I had fought harder for you before, maybe you wouldn't have taken your vows. I can't help feeling I let you go."

The priest excused himself, sensing their need to talk, but decided to observe from a safe distance, concerned for the two souls under his charge.

"Oh, Heath." Sarah took Heath's hands in hers and beckoned him to sit down.

"I wanted nothing more than to be married to you. There has never been anyone else ~ somehow, I knew when you came back from the war that things between us had changed. I wanted that. I wanted you, children and a life together."

"We nearly had it...." Heath offered. "If only you had waited." He turned away from her, unable to stem the flow of his tears.

Sarah placed a comforting hand on Heath's back and felt his muscles tense. Her very touch made him want to turn round and kiss her and claim her as his once again, nun or no nun. He felt robbed of her, and it had been the church that had robbed him. They hadn't played fair and neither would he. She was worth that much to him, but as always, his innate decency took over. He allowed her to continue and maintained a distance.

"Heath, I did wait. Oh, Heath, I was selfish for your love and your company back then...... I understood that you needed to find work and that your search would take you away, but I resented it nonetheless. Giving ourselves to each other was what I wanted as much as you, and I don't ever regret that or Jonathon. I regret only that God didn't allow us to keep him. At first I felt He was punishing me, but I now know that wasn't true. A child is innocent the moment it is born." She stood up feeling liberated at last to talk about her son, their son, after all these years.... "I realized I was with child six weeks after you left. Then my parents found out......."

"Your father? He hurt you?"

Sarah could see the anger in Heath's eyes. "Not physically, but afterwards his attitude changed. Where before he was against us getting married, he now needed a name for his grandchild. He allowed me to write you and let you know. Oh, Heath, you didn't reply, and I grew frantic. I waited until it was obvious I had to go away or else bring disgrace on my family."

Heath turned to face Sarah, his face full of anguish. "I never got your letter. I told you what happened when you gave me back the ring and broke off our engagement. I was in Mexico. We got into some trouble over a land dispute and were put in jail. It took months for our release and for the matter to be cleared up. Why, Sarah? Why, when I came back, didn't you tell me about the baby then?"

"When we didn't hear anything, Father arranged for me to go to the convent over at Santa Maria to have my confinement and baby there. He then wanted the baby to be adopted. When I heard about his plans, I made an attempt to get back to Strawberry and confront him about it. It was a mistake. I went into premature labor as I reached the outskirts of town. Hannah saw me and took me in. Our baby was born there, Heath, in the house where you were born. He was weak from the outset. How he survived a week I do not know. He looked like you, Heath." Tears were now streaming down Sarah's face, and Heath took her in his arms as her body was wracked with sobs. Never had she had anyone comfort her over her loss before. Her mother and father never spoke about it. For them the baby's death had been a tidy solution, and secretly they had been relieved. Sarah's grief had been a lonely journey, unable to be shared with anyone. She had received support and understanding from the nuns and her Mother Superior, but they hadn't and couldn't experience her loss. Only Heath could do that, and in experiencing it with him now, for the first time her emotions released in a waterfall of regret, loss, anger and overwhelming sadness for the loss of their child.

Heath held onto her for several minutes holding her close, his own pain and loss mingling with hers. They were parents to a dead child, and they mourned his loss today as freshly as the day he had died.

Eventually Sarah quieted, her harsh sobs reduced to a muffled whimper into the comfort of his shoulder. At some point Sarah had detached her veil in a sudden need to escape its unbearable confines and in the process had freed her cropped hair. Still holding her close, Heath gently massaged the back of her head with a comforting hand. Struggling to find the words, she forced herself to continue. "I didn't tell you about Jonathon when you got back because I didn't want to hurt you." She stepped back from his embrace for a moment. "I wanted to spare you all this. I didn't want you to experience the pain I was suffering. I felt it better to end things between us so that you could start your life anew. God forgive me, Heath. What I did, however misguided, I did for you."

Heath only half understood. Their faces were only inches away from each other, and they both felt the warm air of each other's breath. "But, Sarah, you sacrificed us in the process. You condemned us both to live a half-life that missed out on the joy of us being together as well as the trials we would have to face. Something my family has taught me is that a life is made up of both joy and pain, in accepting one you accept the other. We would have come through this, Sarah. Together we would have survived. God knows I respect your vows and I respect Him. I know how much your faith means to you, but I can't change my feelings for you, Sarah ~ I want you, I want us, a family and life together."

Sarah stepped back quickly, unable to concentrate with him so close, "It can't be, Heath...... I am not free. I have made a life within the convent and found peace there."

"Peace!" Heath said angrily. "Peace is not life.. Life is this," he said, indicating the two of them. "It's hurt, anger, pain, love .... sharing of yourself and your love, taking risks, being hurt, feeling someone love you, Sarah, and loving them back physically and emotionally.. ........ This is life, Sarah, and you celebrate God in all that as much as you do cloistered away from its reality."

"Heath, I can't," she pleaded. "I've made my vows. You have to forget me. Find someone else. This will kill us both if we don't let it go. You are wanting something I cannot give."

"Cannot or won't, " Heath shot back angrily.

"C.......Cannot ....... " she replied back tentatively, shaken by his passion and her own feelings for him, "Won't," she said to drive her answer home.

Their raised voices had brought out the priest who sought to intervene. Nick rode into the compound looking for his brother just about the same time.

"Won't? And that's your final word on the matter, Sarah?" said Heath in defeat.

Sarah looked at him questioningly, unsure of what he was going to do next. "It is," she said eventually.

Heath picked up his hat from the table once again and twirled it awkwardly for a few moments as he stood deep in thought.

"Then I guess there's no more to be said about it." He said eventually. " Goodbye, Sarah, I won't bother you again." He stepped over to kiss her cheek but quickly took her up in his arms and claimed her in a full searing kiss lasting several minutes. The priest and Nick stood open mouthed and speechless as they looked on. When Heath finally released Sarah, she buckled in his arms and he held her steady for a few moments before calmly standing her up and straightening out her clothes. "Like I said," he said coolly, "I won't be bothering you again."

She was left floundering and speechless. The priest came to her aid instantly as Heath mounted his horse. Looking angrily up at the cowboy, the priest accused, "You don't play fair, Heath Barkley."

Heath gave the brim of his hat a flick in acknowledgment and smiled. "Not hardly," and quickly rode off.

Nick, confused and in shock by what he had just witnessed, rode to catch up. Coming up along side Heath and his horse, he looked back at the mission and then sideways to Heath. "Want to tell me what that was all about? For crying out loud, Heath. Why did you do it? It's hopeless. You do realize that?"

Heath smiled... It was a smile that was familiar to Nick and it worried him. Intrigued, Nick gave him a double take. "What?" he said eventually, unable to stand his brother's calculated silence any longer.

"It ain't hopeless, Nick."

"Oh, of course it is, Heath." said Nick with growing impatience. "Dammit boy, ain't I been trying to tell you that?" Heath continued to smile. Nick was getting angry now. "God dammit, boy. What?"

Heath pulled up Charger and Nick did likewise with Coco. Heath leaned over to Nick and placed a hand on his shoulder. "When I kissed her, Nick.........."

There was a long pause as the young blond's face broke out into the happiest of smiles. It was so engaging, Nick found himself doing the same, "Yea, Heath," he urged.

Heath stared intently into his older brother's eyes. "She kissed me back....... SHE KISSED ME BACK, NICK!" And with that Heath galloped away leaving Nick speechless.

Nick looked up to the heavens above and toward his God in disbelief. "THAT'S IT? ONE KISS and he has YOU beat? Now what am I going to tell Mother?"