Over the next three days Steve refused to give up on his fiancé. He didn’t understand her prolonged lack of human interaction but he knew deep down she still cared for him, she had too. The powerful feelings they shared over the past months were not the kind that could be discarded easily. After working through his own emotions Steve shared with the doctor the conversation that took place in the garden. Rudy wasn’t entirely surprised at her actions.

The following evening Steve sat quietly holding Kayce’s lax right hand in his. It was still difficult for him to look at her bruised face. He spent the last hour wiping a cool washcloth on her overly warm face; she looked so peaceful even though she was fighting an awful fever. He had always loved watching her as she slept. He didn’t notice Rudy standing in the doorway.

“Steve? Steve!” The doctor watched the brown-haired head slowly turn towards his voice, the face haggard and filled with sadness. “Oscar would like to see you in my office in thirty minutes,” He said softly feeling Steve may not be up for the impending talk.

The head on the slumped shoulders just nodded and silently turned back towards a heavily medicated Kayce. Her wispy bangs matted to her forehead from the increasingly high fever that wracked her frail body. He felt utterly helpless.

Exactly 29 minutes later Steve kissed the back of the limp hand before standing and stretching. Placing another tender kiss on her hot forehead he slowly straightened and exited the room. Walking down the tiled corridor to Rudy’s corner office Steve hoped Oscar didn’t need him for an assignment, not having slept for most of the week he could barely get through his day as it was.

He entered to see Oscar, his left arm casted and immobilized in a gray sling and stitches keeping the nasty cut on his left temple closed. He was perched on the front edge of Rudy’s desk. The doctor had taken a position behind the desk staring out the window into the night sky, his hands in his pant’s pockets.

Not seeing his friend for a week Oscar was stunned by Steve’s appearance, his eyes glassy with dark circles hovering beneath them. The several day beard growth did not cover up the pale complexion completely. He looked exhausted and Oscar wondered what was keeping him standing.

“What’s up Oscar? Do you need me for an assignment?” He asked in a low and tired voice. Rudy turned to watch the exchange feeling sorry, and somewhat responsible, for what Steve was about to go through.

Oscar stood slowly and answered, “In a manner of speaking, yes.”

Steve just stood silent waiting for the rest. “I received a call from the Secretary last night and we spoke at length about Kayce’s situation.” The doctor and director waited for Steve to anticipate what was coming but realized, in his sleep deprived state, his mind was working a little slower than normal so Oscar continued, “He wants us to provide Kayce with bionic replacements.”

Steve felt like he was punched in the stomach. He flinched slightly before turning towards the other office window, his mind reeling at the thought. Oscar continued, “We feel she’s an appropriate candidate.”

After a few deep breaths Steve finally spoke, “She won’t want this kind of life Oscar. She’d hate it.” Oscar would not be dissuaded and went on to explain Steve’s part in this, “That’s why we need you. We need you to talk her into it.” Steve immediately spun on his heels and glared at his seemingly unfeeling boss. Rudy stiffened at Steve’s swift reaction hoping this wouldn’t turn ugly.

“Oscar I just told you she wouldn’t want that kind of life.” He reiterated through his clenched jaw.

“You don’t know that.” Oscar stated sternly.

At this point Steve was barely controlling the rage building up inside him. He directed his angry words at the injured man, “Oscar I know that woman better than anyone! My God, she has shared my bed for months! I know, without a doubt, she isn’t cut out for this kind of work!”

Oscar and Rudy just stared at their friend looking as if he was ready to bolt from the room when he suddenly stopped and looked at Rudy with an expression of relief, “But she’s not an appropriate candidate. She only lost an arm and half a leg. You can’t attach only one bionic leg, it wouldn’t do any good, and you both know that.”

Rudy swallowed the lump in his throat before explaining the rest, “She’s going to lose the other leg Steve.” The silence that followed the doctor’s statement was deafening. Steve’s icy gaze chilled him to the bone. “The vascular surgeon was here last night. The surgical outcome was not as successful as we had hoped. The muscle tissue is dying and we cannot get a hold on the infection. That’s why she’s been experiencing excruciating pain and has had a progressively high fever for the past two days. I expect gangrene will set in soon. We’ll need to amputate before that. Her weakened condition won’t handle the worsening infection…. I’m sorry Steve.” He said sincerely.

Steve stood stone still while he choked out his question, “Does she know?” The doctor nodded affirmatively. “What did she say?”

Rudy remained silent, his throat constricting as he recalled her distraught words to him. Steve’s loud voice grabbed his attention, “DAMMIT RUDY, WHAT DID SHE SAY!”

Rudy repeated her words to Steve in a raspy voice, “She said…she said ‘Please don’t take it. Please just let me die.” He tried to justify her reaction, “But Steve she doesn’t know what we can do for her!”

Steve turned toward the window again trying his best to control the tears that threatened to overflow from the all too familiar pain he knew his loved one was going through. Rudy swiftly walked to his side.

“Steve, think about it, what would your life have been like if we didn’t make you bionic? You’d be living in a veteran’s hospital. Kayce was never in the military, she has no family to speak of and she isn’t wealthy. She has no where to go.”

Steve spun and locked eyes with the physician whose words cut through him like a well-honed scalpel. “I’ll take care of her.” Steve said tersely.

“24 hours a day? That’s the kind of care a triple amputee would need. I don’t think that’s a realistic option do you?” Steve’s gaze fell to where he imagined his broken heart had fallen onto the floor. As much as he wanted to take care of her he knew Rudy was correct. “She’ll end up in a nursing home. I personally don’t want to see that happen and I know you don’t either.”

In the quiet intermission something suddenly occurred to Steve. He took a few deliberate steps towards his stoic boss. With spiteful words he expressed his anger, “I guess this is the Secretary’s solution to Kayce and me getting married. Bring her into the fold so neither can be free. Is that it Oscar?”

Oscar wouldn’t divulge the Secretary’s reasoning but Steve had, in fact, hit the proverbial nail on the head. “No need to speak up Oscar, I already know the answer.” He turned and walked out when Rudy’s voice stopped him, “Steve are you going to help us? Help Kayce?”

Steve swallowed his anger at the doctor implying he wouldn’t help the woman he loved. Turning, he only looked at Rudy and stated, “Give me 12 hours okay? I need time to think.” The physician nodded knowing the delay wouldn’t harm his patient. Steve nodded his gratitude and affectively disappeared for 12 hours.

It was almost 11:00 pm when the knock at the door startled her awake. She had only been asleep for half an hour. She donned her robe as she raced to the door to identify her unexpected visitor. Looking through the peephole she stepped back with concern almost not recognizing the bearded man with blue eyes. She quickly unlocked the door for him to enter.

Standing in the light of the foyer she saw his sunken features and wounded expression and asked, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah Jaime I’m okay. Sorry about dropping by unannounced but I really needed to talk to you, face to face, and I don’t have a lot of time.” He noticed her sleeping attire, “I didn’t wake you did I?”

She placed a gentle hand on his arm, “Its okay Steve, really it is. Sit down please.” She gestured to the couch, offering coffee, which he gratefully accepted. Steve didn’t know how to even begin to broach the subject so he started with small talk.

“So how are mom and dad?” He removed his jacket before seating himself on the comfortable sofa. Jaime just smiled at his familiar strategy, as she turned on the coffee maker.

“They’re fine but I don’t think you came here tonight to discuss mom and dad. What’s going on?” She positioned herself casually next to him on the couch.

Steve took a deep breath and shared with his longtime friend what had transpired over the past few months and more importantly the last few days. Jaime’s mind reeled with the familiar tones.

“Jaime I don’t know what to do.” He sounded so lost she placed a consoling hand on his shoulder. “With you I had to make the decision without your knowledge to save your life. With Kayce she doesn’t have life threatening injuries, just the amputations. The OSI wants me to talk her into it. They’ll give her a functional body if she gives them her soul.” He paused for a few seconds before continuing, “Jaime, I love her more than anything. I don’t know what is best for her. I know I don’t want to lose her.” He took a deep breath, “I guess I came here to ask you if you ever regretted the decision I made for you.”

Hearing the familiar gurgling sound from the kitchen Jaime suddenly stood to retrieve the coffee. She had been bionic for a few years and the life she led as an operative had been difficult for her. Only recently had she resigned and had her bionics deactivated, free to live her life. She had paid an awful price. Many of her memories had not returned when she almost died of bionic rejection and she would always live under the fear that she could still die that way. She wondered if this was why the OSI was pushing for another female operative. Although there were still many days where her self-esteem and self-image problems hounded her mercilessly she knew what her other option would have been. Life in a wheelchair as a triple amputee would have been even more difficult.

Steve entered the kitchen when she didn’t immediately answer his question and took the cup of coffee she handed him. “Steve, the answer to your question is no. I can honestly tell you if I had it to do over again and I could choose I would choose the bionics to avoid a life in a wheelchair being stared at by strangers who could easily see what parts of me were missing…or I may have just killed myself then have to live with the emotional pain.” Steve nodded his complete understanding. “Does she know you’re bionic?” Jaime recalled Steve didn’t tell her until after she had her surgery.

“No I haven’t shared that with her.” Jaime understood completely. They sipped their coffee in silence, each lost in thought.

“Steve I think you have to look at what her life will be over the long term. Who knows, she may surprise you and really enjoy being an operative.” Steve sighed heavily and Jaime could see his pain. They returned to the couch and Steve shared with her what Kayce was like. Jaime, seeing his blue eyes sparkle as he spoke, knew he was deeply and hopelessly in love with this woman. She touched his arm, the bond of friendship between them still very strong, and told him she hoped she would get to meet the young woman some day. He gave her a smile before standing to leave.

“Thanks Jaime. I guess I had better get back. I really appreciate your insight.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek before she wrapped her arms tightly around a man she deeply cared for. She whispered in his ear, “I know you Steve. You love her and that will be enough to help her no matter what the outcome is.” They both leaned back and he gave her a crooked grin. She walked him to the door and they said their goodbyes.

Oscar met Steve in Rudy’s office at the medical center the following morning. Both men were curious where Steve took off to last night. Rudy tentatively questioned his overwrought friend, “Are you okay? I tried to call you last night but you weren’t home.”

“I went to see Jaime.” Steve stated quietly as he dropped his tired body in a chair. He took a deep breath and rubbed his tired eyes, “I’ll talk to Kayce, answer all her questions honestly but I will remain objective and not try to sway her either way. This has to be her decision and I will not allow you or the OSI to coerce, manipulate, or pressure her. Am I making myself perfectly clear?” His eyes traveled from one man to the other only receiving a nod from the doctor, which didn’t surprise Steve.

Kayce remained only semiconscious over the next 24 hours. Rudy tried his best to explain about the upcoming surgery and that her right leg had to be amputated in order to save her life. She was heavily medicated and so feverish he doubted she would even remember their conversation. ‘Maybe it’s for the best’ he thought.

The surgery only took two hours and the surgeon found Steve waiting outside the operating room for news. The doctor explained it went as well as could be expected. She was very weak but in time, as the infection was treated and her fever decreased she would begin to feel better.

“When are you going to speak with her…. you know… about the bionic surgery?”

Rudy took a deep breath, “I want to give her time to recover some so she can comprehend what we are asking her to do. Do you want to be there from the beginning?”

“Not really.” He gave Rudy a small crooked grin, “But if you think it will help her I will.” Rudy nodded his understanding. The two friends walked down the hall together deciding how best to tell Kayce about her options.

It took until the following day for Kayce to be completely alert. With the infected leg gone her fever began to clear relatively quickly. Rudy arrived just after 8:00 am to a very pale patient with a blank expression on her face.

He flipped open her chart as he greeted her, “Good morning Kayce, how are you feeling?”

She replied softly, “How do you expect me to feel?”

“Well I would think now that you fever is almost gone as well as the pain in your leg you would be feeling a little better.” He began checking her vital signs as he continued, “I think its time to talk about what options you have.”

“You mean like what kind of wheelchair to buy? Or maybe what type of terminal device to have attached to my prosthesis. Last I checked women my age were going for the functional yet dainty stainless steel hook, very fashionable.”

The doctor smiled, “Well at least you’re getting angry. It’s a start.” She glared at him. He pulled the earpieces of his stethoscope from his ears, “I’ve been waiting for you to get angry for the past week.”

“So?”

“So now we can move forward.”

“Forward huh? To where?”

“Well I’ve done some work with another triple amputee and the special prostheses we surgically attached have been working well for him. I was hoping we could provide the same for you. Of course the choice is yours.”

“You know another triple amputee? I hear we are a rare breed.” Her tone was cynical

“Kayce I think it would help if you talked to him, get his perspective on his life since his accident.” She thought for a while not sure if anything or anyone could help at this point. “Kayce what have you got to lose?”

“I still have another arm.” She said facetiously

Rudy was used to this type of response so he plodded forward, “Will you at least talk to him?”

She dropped her head into her pillow in resignation, “Sure why not? I’m sure I’ll be as good as new when we are through talking.” She replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I’ll call him and send him by after lunch.” She made no replied so Rudy left her to think on it.

That afternoon Steve stood with his head resting on the heavy wooden door, a sheen of perspiration on his forehead, dreading what was about to occur. He took a deep breath, summoned his courage and pushed the door open. She watched him cross the room to end up at her bedside. With his mind preoccupied with what he had to tell her he wasn’t prepared for her angry words, “Did you come to see what’s left?”

His eyes shot up to hers in shock, “No.” his tone bluntly expressing his annoyance at her question.

She sighed heavily wondering what it was going to take to get him to leave her life completely, move onto something better. ‘It must be pity’ she thought.

“Kayce I need to talk to you about something and I’m not sure where to start.”

She didn’t respond so he continued, “I understand Rudy spoke with you this morning and…well…he wanted me to talk with you now.”

She just stared at him from her pillow waiting for him to make his point. “You are probably going to be upset and angry that I didn’t say anything sooner but you have to understand I couldn’t.”

“Steve you aren’t making much sense.” He took a very deep breath and looked into her dull sapphire eyes, “Kayce I’m the guy Rudy was talking to you about this morning.”

She let out a hollow chuckle, “Yeah right, you’re the triple amputee he was talking about.” His blue eyes stayed locked on hers, remaining silent until it sunk in. Her expression slowly became one of confusion, “What are you saying?”

“I was…am technically…a triple amputee.”

“But you’re whole.” She was bewildered but his statement.

“Kayce I was testing a plane that crashed into the desert. I lost both of my legs, my right arm and my left eye. I’m far from ‘whole’ as you put it.”

She didn’t know what to say or if she even believed him. He read the expression on her face. “Kayce I’m telling you the truth.”

Her mind suddenly rewound to his ability to see in the dark when he landed their plane, the jump up the mountain with the radio. She choked out unconvincingly, “I believe you.”

“You do?” Steve asked relieved he may get through this conversation without the need for circus tricks.

“Yeah I think I do. That’s how you could see the geography of the mountains when we made the emergency landing wasn’t it?” He nodded affirmatively. “I saw you take a 200 foot vertical leap up the mountain.” He stared at her shocked at the revelation, “You did?” She shook her head. I wanted to ask you about how you did it but….”

“But what?”

A shadow of a smile crept onto her lips, “I became…preoccupied.” Steve returned her smile remembering that experience fondly. He so wished they could be like that again.

She took a deep breath, “So what did they do to you?”

“Rudy replace my limbs with electronic prostheses.”

“So you’re part machine?” He nodded uncomfortably and said in a very soft tone, “You could say that.”

“And they want to do the same to me?” He shook his head and watched her sink her head back into the pillow deep in thought, staring at the tiled ceiling.

“What are you thinking?” He asked sincerely.

“Nothing.” She replied a little embarrassed.

“What?” He curiously asked again and she gave him a small smile, “I was wondering if it would be noticeable. I can honestly say yours aren’t.” She answered and they shared a smile knowing she was referring to their occasional unclothed activities.

The two spent the next three hours discussing bionics and being an operative for the OSI. Kayce finally began to fade as her exhausted mind and body would not be ignored any longer. Steve watched as she slowly dozed off. He placed a tender kiss on her forehead and whispered an ‘I love you’ before he left unsure what her decision would be. The only thing he was sure of was she would not allow him or anyone to take care of her should she decline to reconstruction surgery, she was much too independent and stubborn.

Kayce made herself as comfortable as she could in her wheelchair. She was summoned to Rudy’s office shortly after breakfast. He wanted to assess her emotional state before going forward with discussion of her upcoming surgery. She decided to go ahead with the project seeing how limited her choices were but in the back of her mind she always felt that taking her life would still be an option should she not adjust well to being half-human.

“Kayce we need to discuss your emotional adjustment to your present situation. There will have to be some changes if you wish to go forward with the reconstruction.”

“Like what?” She asked with feigned enthusiasm.

“We will need to have bi-weekly psychological sessions to work on not only what you’ve gone through but also what you will be going through. I am well aware that being a Doctor of Psychology gives you the intrinsic ability to sidestep and manipulate the sessions. You know all the ‘buzz words’, so to speak, that we look for to identify progress. I need your word that you will not try any of that. I’ll need your full and honest participation.”

She stared at him surprised at his directness and just nodded. “Another thing that will need to change is your lack of eating.” He glanced at her chart, “You were in the lower weight range for your height and gender before the crash. Now I see you are at least 10 pounds under the lowest weight in the range.” He looked at her immediately knowing what was going through her mind. She took a breath and opened her mouth to respond but he quickly added, “That’s already adjusting for the lost limbs.” She closed her mouth and remained silent. “You’ll need to gain weight and get your strength up.” She nodded again.

“I requested Steve be available during your rehabilitation should you wish to speak to him.” It was Kayce’s turn to speak quickly and directly, “I don’t want him involved.” Rudy looked at her eyes, completely void of emotion, and sighed inwardly. This was going to take a lot more work than he thought.

Later in the day the doctor shared with Steve Kayce’s request that he not be involved with her recovery. Steve just gave his physician friend a crooked grin and said plainly, “I’m sure she did.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I’ve already told her I’m not leaving her until she’s back to living her life. I plan on doing just that.”

“Don’t you think that is going to make her recovery more difficult?”

Steve just shook his head negatively, “I told you Rudy I know her better than anyone. Trust me. I promise I’ll tread easy.” He winked and exited the doctor’s office.

Steve stopped by Kayce’s room in the evening carrying a paper bag with two of her favorite foods, a large Philadelphia Cheese Steak dripping with all the extras and a pint of chocolate marshmallow ice cream. He knocked and when there was no answer he slowly opened the door to peek in. Kayce wasn’t in her bed. He stepped in wearing a furled brow. He called out her name but there was no answer. He sat the bag of goodies on her bedside table and noticed the bathroom door was slightly ajar and the light was on.

He called her name just outside the door but again, no answer. His gut told him something wasn’t right so he slowly pushed the door open and was saddened by the sight before him.

He stepped into the tiny room and crouched next to her wheelchair. “Kayce?” He said cautiously not sure what was going through her mind, concern weighing heavy in his heart. She was sitting in front of the full-length mirror on the bathroom wall with a blank expression on her face. The knotted tie on her hospital gown had been pulled over her head exposing her left shoulder, the bottom of the fabric pulled up revealing two leg stumps. Steve could see by her reflection in the mirror that her eyes were staring directly at where her left arm should be. The baggy hospital attire had concealed the contours of her body since her accident. Steve was shocked to see her collarbone protruding farther out than usual and the ribs in her chest were very noticeable. ‘Rudy wasn’t exaggerating when he said she was underweight’ he thought.

“Kayce, what are you doing?” He asked taking in her delicate profile and quietly placing a gentle hand on her bony left shoulder to show her that he still wanted to touch her, that she was still touchable even without her limbs. He gently brushed several errant strands of her long hair behind her shoulder waiting patiently for her answer.

Her eyes never wavered, her expression and voice lacking emotion, “Looking at what I’ve become. I now realized that no matter what Rudy and his team do next week this is what I am. This is me.” Steve’s heart sank wanting so much to make her whole again for her sake.

His expressive blue eyes held such deep love and understanding but she didn’t notice, never taking her eyes off her reflection. “Kayce I know exactly how you feel but I promise it will get better. You have to trust me on that. You won’t go through this alone I’ll be here with you. Okay?”

She couldn’t and didn’t respond after hearing the heart felt words spoken with such compassion. She was using all her energy to confine the intense emotions clamoring to be released. She desperately wanted to throw herself into the security of his strong arms but feared the powerful emotions would consume her instantly like an uncontrolled wild fire, leaving her a charred mess.

She slowly pulled up the knotted tie on the gown over her head. She then clumsily pushed her chair, 1-handed, to her bed. He followed her, knowing she would brush off his assistance. He didn’t know what more to say, fighting the overwhelming urge to take her into his arms against her will and comfort her. Instead he simply reached into the brown paper bag and retrieved the sandwich and ice cream.

“Here, Rudy said you promised to gain some weight so I figured this would help.” She gave him a weak smile in gratitude as he handed her the first half of the calorie-laden sandwich. She eyed him and asked, “Can I have the ice cream first?” He smiled, “Sure.” He handed her the opened carton and she took it and positioned it between her thighs to stabilize it while she slowly slid the spoon into the soft creamy chocolate. With a lopsided grin Steve relaxed a little and watched the 30-year-old little girl in front of him eating her dessert first.

The series of operations to rebuild Kayce’s body were completed over the next two weeks. Steve was a constant presence but remained in the background as Rudy’s team worked out the ‘bugs’. His heart remained heavy observing her. He was surprised when he arrived one day to find she had cut off most of her sandy colored hair. She was now sporting a spunky short style that made her look even cuter than before. When he inquired why the new style she just replied that it seemed to go better with her new self, the old Kayce was gone.

As the busy days passed she continued to keep her inner self-distant and unreachable. Steve wondered if she was making any forward progress in her psychological sessions with Rudy, unfortunately he couldn’t ask.

Rudy was getting impatient and frustrated with his newest patient. He was unsure how much to push during their counseling sessions, walking a fine emotional line between nudging her forward and shoving her off a cliff. As he sat at his desk, her file in front of him, he recalled their first session.

He opened with, “Kayce, tell me about your life.”

“Like what? I’m sure everything you need to know is in the OSI background check.”

His hand rested on the file on his desk as he continued, “I know the facts of what happened. I want to know your experience of what happened.” He eyed her body language, seeing her become a little uncomfortable. There were several moments of silence before he conceded that she wasn’t going to answer. “Okay, tell me about your relationship with Steve.”

She sighed heavily. “We had a romantic fling.” Rudy leaned forward shocked at her description of her engagement.

“A fling?”

She meticulously picked at the imaginary lint on her pants. “Yeah, isn’t that what you call it when two people of the opposite sex think they’re in love, share occasional intimate moments only to have it fizzle out?” Her cold eyes came up to meet his.

“I’m sorry, I guess I had the impression that you two were in love and building a future together.”

Her eye became downcast, “I’m not the one.”

“The one what?” Silence sat between them before Kayce would clarify her statement.

“The one for him.” Her voice slowly became quieter giving the doctor the impression she wouldn’t go much further.

“Why do you think you aren’t the ‘one’ for him?”

“It’s really doesn’t concern you doctor.” Her eyes challenged, informing him their session had just ended.

It wasn’t long before Rudy increased Kayce’s psychological sessions to three times a week hoping it would slowly wear her down. They were all very similar to the first. He remembered Steve’s advice to treat her like he would Steve.

His mind returned to the present as she entered his office hoping today’s session would be different.

“Kayce I’m tired of us doing the same dance session after session. It’s been three weeks and I think it’s time to get down the nitty gritty.” She sat emotionless. “How do you keep that up?”

“Keep what up?” She asked honestly and he went at her with everything he had his frustration evident in each increasing decibel.

“How do you keep all those emotions bottled up inside you? Do you feel anything about losing your legs and arm? Do you feel anything about losing you independence? Do you feel anything about losing your career?” She stared at him with a shocked expression. “Do you feel anything about leaving Steve alone and in pain?” She involuntarily flinched at his last question and his keen eye had caught it. If he wasn’t mistaken her jaw was clenching along with her fists. She moved her gaze to the floor trying to force down the feelings that were suddenly choking her. The doctor gave her time to sort out her thoughts. He knew she was getting angry with him.

Returning his eye contact he was shocked at her composure. She spoke calmly, her voice very controlled, “Okay Rudy lets get this all over and done with. Just because I don’t express an emotion doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. I feel everything.” She paused when her voice shook slightly. “You want to talk about feelings let’s talk about feelings. I learned early on in my life that in certain situations it is very useful to be able to bury one’s emotions and yes, I have gotten very, very good at it. How do I feel about losing my limbs? I’m angry. How do I feel about losing my independence? Angry and frustrated. How do I feel about losing my career? Disappointed.” She ended there and stared at his brown eyes making it very obvious by avoiding the question regarding Steve that their relationship would not be a topic of conversation.

“So you are saying there were other times in your life that you buried all your emotions?” She nodded. “Okay let’s start there. What other times?”

She began to pace to room still a little unsteady on her feet. She was so sick of the prodding of not only her body but of her mind, every ounce of her privacy gone. Coming to stand at the window she remembered Rudy’s words, he wouldn’t allow her to leave the center, even on a day pass, until they worked through all this. She also knew why and knew he was correct. She took a deep breath wanting so much to be free.

“Kayce?”

He watched her shoulders slump and she finally surrendered, to a point, “Okay…it started when I stood on the curb watching my house burn down with my parents still inside.” Her voice was soft and distant. “I was only 12 and they sent me to live with my older brother who wasn’t dealing with our parent’s death any better. He dove into a bottle of whiskey and never came up for air. He never wanted custody of me. Everyday he blamed me for the failures in his life and he made me pay for it over and over…” Her voice trailed off as she rested her head against the cool window. Rudy waited seeing the tear slowly fall from her cheek. She took a deep breath and regains control; “There wasn’t a night in six years that I didn’t go to bed without bruises on my body.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that Kayce.” He said with all sincerity. She took another deep breath before turning around. “Anything else you’d like to know?” She asked in a tired voice. “Was there any other time you handled traumatic situations this way?”

She returned her gaze out the window answering his question in a soft tone, “How about when I had to bury my baby who died within minutes of his birth. Or when I walked into my own bedroom to find my husband of four years in our bed with his assistant?” Rudy’s heart broke for this young woman who seemed so lost. “Rudy I know what you are trying to do but this is how I deal with difficult situations in my life. It’s been ingrained in me since I was young. I’m not saying it’s the best solution but it’s what I need to do right now to survive.”

“What brought you out of it before?”

“I don’t know. I know it took time and a lot of energy but I don’t know what unlocks the door, I honestly don’t.”

“How long will this go on?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know that either. Sometimes it goes on for months, sometimes years.”

The doctor locked eyes with the young woman and asked bluntly, “Have you ever considered suicide Kayce?”

She took a deep breath and stared at the floor. “I’d be lying to you if I said no.”

As Kayce’s physical condition improved her deep depression remained unchanged. Steve got an idea to pull her from her doldrums. He presented his idea to Dr. Wells with a promise the Kayce would not leave his sight. Rudy considered his idea for a few minutes then gave his okay, trusting that Steve knew what he was doing.

At 7:30 am Steve entered the patient’s room to find her in bed curled on her side, her back to the door and breakfast tray untouched. Steve walked to the opposite side and saw her eyes were closed but knew she wasn’t asleep. He just stood there, hands on his hips, staring at her until she opened her eyes, annoyed.

“What do you want Steve?”

“I thought you promised Rudy you would put some weight on that lean body of yours.

“I’m not hungry.” She closed her eyes again.

Using the fork Steve played with the bland, watery eggs and dry toast. “Well I guess I can’t blame you. At least you drank your juice.”

“Steve why are you here?” She looked at him waiting for an answer.

“Well,” He said as he opened her closet, “I got permission to take you on a field trip so get dressed.” He tossed a pair of jeans and a blouse on the bed. “Even though you are a female I’m still only giving you 15 minutes to get yourself together.” He shot her a mischievous wink and a grin but she didn’t make any effort to exit the bed. “I’ll even throw in a real breakfast on the way.” He left her alone hoping he had peaked her curiosity enough to get her out of the bed.

Fifteen minutes later an excited Steve returned to her room to find her buttoning her blouse. “You could at least knock.”

“Sorry. Ready to go?”

“Sure why not? Whatever you have planned has to be better than being stuck here.” She said without enthusiasm.

“Oh it’s definitely better.” He held the door for her as she headed out of the dreary room.

The car ride and morning meal lacked any real conversation. Steve occasionally asked how she was doing with all the changes and Kayce responded with short answers. Back on the road again Kayce asked where they were going. Steve gave her a teasing look to accentuate his riddle, “What’s the one thing you enjoy doing that you haven’t done in awhile?”

She thought a moment and suppressed a smile, “I hope you’re not expecting me to sleep with you.” She said bluntly, turning her head toward the window so he wouldn’t see her trying to maintain a straight face.

“If I’m not mistaken that is your first attempt at humor in over 2 months, the key words being ‘attempt at humor’.”

“I thought it was funny.” She shrugged staring out the window suddenly noticing their route. She gave him a gigantic grin, “We’re going flying aren’t we?”

“Yep. When I was in your place it was the one thing that finally made me feel like myself again. I thought it would give you a boost too.”

The pair suited up in their flight gear quickly before heading out to the plane. Kayce stared at the T-38 trainer similar to the one she had flown in Colorado on Steve’s birthday. Steve got busy completing the preflight inspection and walk around. Between items he watched the special woman who held his heart. She gracefully caressed the side of the sleek bird as if this was all a dream. He let a crooked grin plant itself on his lips hoping her humor in the car was a sign things were looking up, not only for her state of mind but maybe for their relationship. After all it was after the first time they flew together that they really felt the strong attraction to each other.

She stepped around the aircraft, noticing it was the only one. “I guess since there is only one jet that you are going to be babysitting me.”

“Yep, doctor’s orders.”

“You really are crazy aren’t you?” She asked in all seriousness.

“Why do you say that?”

“Riding backseat with a depressed and possibly suicidal pilot does take some guts.”

“Very funny. Get in.” He shook his head hoping it was another weak attempt at humor and not her plan for the day.

The two pilots slipped easily into the cramped cockpits, Kayce taking the front seat. With clearance from the tower they were airborne in seconds, streaking through the clouds like a bullet.

Steve just sat back and relaxed allowing Kayce to have some fun. He was so quiet she wondered if he had fallen asleep. She swiftly pulled into a vertical climb, feeling the g-forces build up. In the back of Steve’s mind he hoped she wasn’t positioning the aircraft for an uncontrolled spin toward the earth, only to become a lawn dart in some field.

His anxiety waned as she pulled over the top of the roll inverted. She continued to roll, dive and climb, taking the aircraft to its acrobatic limits. Coming out of a tight 90-degree turn at a high rate of speed he suddenly heard her gasping in her mask. “Kayce are you alright.” She was struggling to catch her breath, “Yeah, Mother Nature’s just reminding me how out of shape I really am.” Steve smiled into his mask.

They landed much sooner than Kayce wanted with their fuel was almost totally expended. She begged Steve to exert his military authority but he refused to order a tanker to be launched in order to refuel a T-38 trainer in the air over an air force base.

After stowing their gear and walking to the car Steve opened her door and Kayce unexpectedly threw herself into his arms. It was his turn to think this was a dream. He slowly slid his arms around her narrow waist and savored the familiar feeling of her body against his, causing her to quickly disengage the embrace immediately. She took a deep breath and kept her eyes on the ground, “I’m sorry. I just wanted to thank you for giving me today.” His face fell at her apology. “It’s okay Kayce. I told you I knew exactly how you felt.” He paused and decided to take a chance, “Besides…. I still love you Kayce…more than anything and I would do anything to make you happy.” Without a word she immediately slid into the car feeling very uncomfortable. Steve walked around the vehicle wondering if he pushed too hard.

On the way back to the Medical Center Kayce rested her head on the headrest, her eyes closed, feeling very tired. Steve occasionally stole a glance at her attractive features as she slept. He didn’t know she was remembering how good it felt to be held in his strong arms.

When Steve returned home that night he lay on his bed, alone, staring at the ceiling. His heart and body ached to have her back. It felt wonderful to hold her again even if it was only for a few seconds. He disciplined himself to be patient, she had to come back, she just had to. She was already a part of him, one he didn’t want to let go. With memories of her washing over his tired mind he fell into a restless sleep.

...Continued