Revelations of Secrets

John Carter was shocked. Here, his almost best friend had told him either he loved her or they couldn't talk. That was too much. He went to go get that extra needle and some heprin and cleaned off his left wrist.

Lucy curled up into her bed and thought over and over about the look on his face and the words she had said. 'I don't want to be your friend I want to be your girlfriend' kept repeating in her head along with his look of shock. 'What have I done?' she'd take it back. That's it, at work today she could tell him she was delerious or something. Reassuringly she closed her eyes, and fell asleep for a good 4 hours.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BE-

Lucy slammed at her alarm clock and suddenly shot up remembering what she had to do after this morning. She got up showered, got dressed, dried her hair and grabbed a $5 bill for Mcdonalds on the way. All in all her morning routine went 20 minutes faster. She walked into the hospital 15 minutes before her shift, but in the middle of a crisis situation with patients.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"MR. TRUMAN GOES TO CURTAIN 2 MALIK!" Kerry was yelling out orders to arrange 53 patients.

"HE GOES TO THE ICU NOW! NOT HIM! UH, CHUNI COULD YOU HELP OUR NEW NURSE ON MEMORIZING DOOR SIGNS!" Apparently the new nurse wasn't working out too well. With her luck, she'd probably be fired tomorrow. Poor girl. Lucy went on. Not quietly enough to not be caught by Dr. Weaver. "Lucy, good you're here... and early, well you can he- NO NOT OVER THERE ALL CASUALTIES GET A TRAUMA ROOM DO 2 IN A ROOM IF YOU HAVE TO THEN START TREATING THEM IN THE HALL, AND SOMEONE CALL THE-" she looked at Lucy "Good Lucy do me a favor and call the stations and tell them we're closed to ALL traumas and anything else. Number's are on the paper next to the radio" she pointed and Lucy set off to help the near heart attack doctor.

"All units this is cook county general, we are closed to all trauma and minors I repeat over to trauma and minors" she held onto the radio for a response.

"Cook county general this is unit 48 we copy and we'll spread the word Lucy!" she joked at the end.

"thanks Doris" she continued to call stations, units, hospitals the whole list. By the time she was done with that plus the 8 lives she saved in under an hour and a half, she was beat. Not too tired to try and explain herself to Carter though.

"hey Carter wait up" she said while walking into the lounge.

"Lucy!" he exclaimed. He looked tired "I didn't think you'd be talking to me"

"Um, about that just forget what I said I was probably delirious or something. I just hope I didn't ruin things too much for us?" she looked hopeful.

"Uh not at all, listen; I don't want to forget what you said"

"Why?!" now she was well, she didn't know what it was but she just felt something hard hit her in the chest.

"Because, I want you to be my girlfriend Lucy" He said never once looking at her.

"God this is strange isn't it?"

"You don't need to tell me that" he did that thing again with his hand behind his neck. Holding his jacket with the right and his left behind his head, his sleeve moved up.

"What happened?" Lucy asked

"What do you mean?"

"Your wrist, its marked up" she nodded at his left hand. Shit he'd been caught.

"Um, nothing just moving stuff around at home"

"Oh, ok never mind then" She shrugged it off. 'whew' Carter sighed in relief that Lucy hadn't noticed they were track marks of needles. Another part of him though wanted her to make him tell her. She could do that. She could make you feel so guilty you'd tell her anything. He wanted out of this habit. He just didn't know how to help himself. Fortunately she came back to the rescue. "It's just those marks I don't know they seem odd mind if I take a look? Don't mean to seem like I'm intterigating you or something."

"Fine if it'll get you off the subject" he said not showing his gratefulness of Lucy's persistance. She examined his wrist and in her head knew exactly what they were. She just couldn't believe what she was thinking. Him? on drugs?

"John do you mind my asking if.. forget it I'm just being stupid"

"No what?"

"You'd hate me even more if I told you what I thought"

"How can I know if you don't tell me" She silently begged him not to make her tell him. "For Christ sakes Luce what the hell is it?!" he yelled

"Fine you want to know? I think you're on drugs that's all! Ok?" she started to tear and quickly left the lounge. He chased after her. Thankfully no one had heard her little yell.

"Lucy wait!" he ran into the freezing weather to slip a couple times regaining balance in time and finding it nearly impossible to catch up with her. It would have been if she hadn't stopped to cry her eyes out. 'How fast *is* she?' he asked himself out of breath. "Luce can we talk?"

"You're kidding right? I accuse you of being on drugs and you want to talk?"

"Yea" he would hide it. He suddenly didn't want to feel the wrath of Weaver.

"Ok, talk"

"I'm not on drugs ok? I told you I was moving things at home. Wood, I got splinters that's all" A small possibility.

"I wish I could believe that" She ran off. He couldn't stop her. Now to head home. After grabbing another dose of something. Whatever was lying around. This time Fentynal. This was some good stuff. Expensive but good. He got a high off of it but, it didn't show as much as it felt. The track marks were gone more quickly than the other stuff from inflamation. He walked to the El then fell asleep quickly.

Tomorrow he had no idea what was in store for the young doctor Carter. .......... No one did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Next day at the hospital~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lucy's shift was ending and she still hadn't talked to him. He had totally avoided her. Traumas; he only gave orders and paid attention to other doctors. Lucy eventually stopped trying. He was the one anyway who wanted to know what she was thinking. But it *was* a stupid accusation. John Carter on drugs? But those marks didn't look like scratches. They were too fine to be mere scratches. Oh well. Lucy headed to exam 3 to get the rest of the suture kit, since she was asked to clean up for the understaffed nurses.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Exam 3~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"John?!" Lucy didn't know weather to scream or faint.

"Lucy, um what are you doing here?" he covered his wrist and pulled the needle from it.

"I should ask you the same thing." She felt her eyes start to tear.

"Lucy, I was nauseas so I got some compazine"

"No you weren't" she ran out and went to find Dr. Greene as soon as possible. He didn't chase after her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Admin~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Randi, where's Dr. Greene?"

"He left 10 minutes ago"

"Dr. Weaver?"

"Try the lounge"

"Thanks" she bolted for the lounge.

'Sometimes I wonder if that girl needs major help. WANTING to see Weaver? Somethin's up' Randi thought to herself. She continued to pain her nails, answer the phone, and fix her nails from the phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Lounge~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dr. Weaver I need to talk to you"

"OK Lucy. What's the matter you look out of breath?"

"Um, I saw Dr. Carter injecting a narcotic into his wrist"

"The first time?" Kerry seemed interested and concerned.

"No but I've seen track marks on his left wrist before a day or two ago"

"Let's go talk to him" Just then he walked in the door. "John can we talk?"

"Sure Kerry what's wrong?"

"Carter, you know" Lucy added. Her voice was shaky with tears.

"Know what?"

"I saw you with a needle in your wrist"

"I told you Lucy, I was nauseas, I took some compazine"

"We generally encourage staff to take oral antibiotics John you know that especially when you're on duty, you should always take an oral narcotic if you need it at all"

"Kerry I was just leaving but it was one time"

"Let me see your wrist John"

"Why? No this is insane! Are you guys crazy? Lucy you're blowing this up into more than it is you know it"

"Please don't say that Carter" Lucy begged through tears.

"Fine here" he held out his wrist. The needle whole would be gone anyway and the mark would show up in a few hours and be gone by tomorrow afternoon.

"I couldn't tell since this is your right wrist. You're right handed. Give me your other wrist"

"Kerry, forget it, I'm fine. You- you know what? I'm leaving this is crap!"

"Don't make me call security John"

That was it he'd been caught.

<<<<<<<<1 hour later>>>>>>>>

"John I called a friend of mine, there's a clinic in Atlanta for doctors addicted to narcotics, I'm sending you there for a program"

"Ok" he had his head in his hand and he was tearing. Lucy was just getting over her tears.

"I better go book a flight for you. Um, if you need to talk,, you two go ahead" Kerry walked out of the lounge. Sad but happy she could help him before it was too late.

"John? I'm so sorry I had to do this to you" Lucy would cry again soon. He didn't answer. She got closer to him. "Please talk to me" He looked up at her. His eyes red from tears. Silent ones. His face sorry. Pale and sorry.

"I'm sorry Luce" Lucy started to cry and he hugged her. "I'm so sorry"

"It's ok, we'll help you. I'LL help you"

"Thank you" They sat down in silence for a while. Kerry walked in.

"There's a flight tonight. Um Lucy you and Dr. Benton should drive him ok?"

"Yea ok" Lucy got her jacket and Carter's. The two walked to the OR where Dr. Benton was waiting. How could he face his former teacher like this? Drugged up and ashamed. How did he get into this? Pain killers to narcotics. Easy as that. Now he was getting help out.

"Hi, Dr. Benton"

"Hi Lucy." He kept his gaze off of Carter the whole time. John his eyes off of Benton.

"We better go now" Lucy wasn't her cheerful self now. Had he made her feel that way? Was it his fault she was sad?

"Yea, Lucy why don't you get the van its in the garage here are the keys, I gotta talk to him ok?"

"Yea" She said barely above a whisper as she took the keys from him. "Carter, you ok?"

"Yea fine" He said meekly. He sounded tired.

"K" she left. As soon as she left, Benton started to walk. Carter followed almost instinctively. After a while of silence, Peter talked.

"I'm sorry, Carter"

"For what?"

"This, that something drove you to drugs, man" Peter wasn't too great at these things but he came up well.

"I'm fine I don't have to go to this thing"

"Yea you do"

"No! People just don't get it do they? I'm fine I can get off this by myself"

"Just like you tried with you cousin right? And now he's a brain damaged vegetable!" Peter yelled. They were now on the sidewalk where Lucy would pull up. That was it though. Now he dragged Chase into it. Carter took a fist and swung it toward his former teacher. He hit his jaw. Peter, in self defense did the same to Carter then restrained him. He didn't have to. Carter broke down finally. "Like it or not man you have to get onto that flight. If you're not going to do it for yourself then do it for...... I don't know do it for-"

"me" Lucy chimed in. The two men lifted their heads to see Lucy with the van a few feet behind her. "Do it for me Carter" She smiled falsely. Peter helped Carter up. He didn't reject the help. Lucy climbed into the back seat and sat next to Carter. With any other patient she would've strapped him in. John was different. He wasn't a patient, he was a friend. A grown friend. He could do it himself. She wanted to prove to him that he still had her faith in him. She knew he wasn't a baby. As soon as the two were strapped in Peter drove from the curb to the O'hare airport. When they pulled up Peter told Lucy to take the van to the hospital. He would fly to Atlanta with Carter.

"Ok, just let me talk to him for a minute?"

"Yea go on, I'll get the tickets ready" Peter left the car. Lucy turned herself to see him.

"Hey, you'll be fine. We're going to help you ok?" he didn't answer. "You're gonna fight the good fight John" She kissed his cheek and hugged him. He hugged her back and cried.

"Thanks Lucy" She pulled back still her arms around his shoulders.

"Your welcome, I'll see you soon ok?"

"Yea"

"You better go, Benton's gonna get pissed if you don't go soon"

"Ok, and Lucy?" he said getting out of the car with her on the other side getting into the drivers seat.

"Yea?"

"I love you" He gave a real smile for the first time in a while.

"I love you too, John" she got into the car and drove off. Now he had a reason to get better. Lucy.

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