Title: Before I Do, I Die

Author: Jeanny

Spoilers: General Season 6.

Rating: PG

Feedback: Yes, please! jeannygrrl@hotmail.com

Distribution: Go ahead, I don't mind, just credit me and tell me where it's going.

Disclaimer: If I owned them, I'd take better care of them. No really, I would!

Summary: Mere days before Xander and Anya's wedding, Buffy has to face a threat unlike any she has before: a pillaging Viking horde intent on sacking Sunnydale and led by none other than the groom himself.

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Buffy had barely brushed her knuckles against the door when Xander opened it, dashed out into the hall and slammed it shut. He had a wild look in his eyes that Buffy had never seen before.

"How bad is it?" she asked in a low voice.

"Oh, it's pretty bad," he said, his voice strained. "Have I mentioned I'm going to kill Willow?"

"Once or...a dozen times...she really feels bad about this, Xan. She was trying to do good, you know."

"Well, she did bad! Very, very, very bad!" Xander hissed, his eyes frantic. They could hear loud banging noises from inside the apartment, and loud stomping footsteps heading to the door. Xander clutched at Buffy's arm desperately. "Oh God, they're coming! Hide me!"

"Xander, stop. They can't be that...holy God in heaven!" Buffy stared at the nearly seven-foot Viking that had flung open the door and was looking at the two of them with an increasingly angry glare. Xander laughed nervously.

"Hi. Erik."

"Alexander! We have been seeking you for many minutes. Why are you keeping company with this flaxen-haired wench in hiding from my sister?"

"Hey! I just washed it! And I'm not a wench!" Buffy protested, but Erik ignored her as he moved towards Xander and grabbed him by the shirtfront, lifting him off the ground before Buffy moved.

"Erik, this is Buffy, a good friend of Anya...anka's," Xander said in a strangled voice. "One of the bridesmaids. Buffy, this is Erik, my future brother-in-law, newly arrived from two millenniums ago and a damn fine Viking." The Viking's demeanor changed immediately from menacing to hearty. He dropped Xander back to his feet and threw a meaty arm around both of their shoulders.

"The maid is here for Anyanka! She is most welcome, then. The women are in the bedchamber, doing...women's things." Buffy looked around Xander's apartment in stunned amazement. Overnight it had been transformed into a what she would be willing to bet was a fairly authentic Viking dwelling. Several men that looked very similar to Erik were seated around the table having an animated discussion and drinking from battered cups. Erik left Buffy and Xander alone, joining his brothers to see what the problem was. They seemed to be having a good-natured argument over some small objects, interspersed with periodic bursts of drunken laughter. Buffy gave a low whistle.

"Wow."

"Yeah. Did I mention I'm going to kill Willow?"

"Xander, stop saying that. Willow only wanted to give Anya a shower gift that meant something, you know, special, and Anya said she wished her mother could see her wedding..."

"You know what's a special gift at a bridal shower? Lingerie!"

"...and, so the spell was a bit too strong and she got not just Anya's mother but her four brothers and their wives and..." Buffy trailed off, not wanting to bring up the sorest subject of all.

"And a goat. Go on, say it! She got Anya's goat," Xander said miserably. Buffy couldn't hold it in any longer. She started to giggle. Hard.

"I'm s-s-sorry..." she choked out, trying to get the laughter under control. Xander just sighed, looking completely defeated.

"No, you should laugh, Buff. My pain is funny. Always funny when bad things happen to Xander, you know? Almost got eaten by a praying mantis, turned into a monkey boy by Dracula, possessed by a hyena spirit, which is, of course, a laughing animal. And not to forget the laugh riot that was the syphilis." Buffy's laughter died at his mournful tone.

"No, no, that's not...I don't think your pain's funny. I was just laughing because I remembered I saw this tombstone on patrol last night that said, 'Really, I'm feeling much better,' and I thought it was funny...although when the vamp came out it was kinda more ironic than funny...uh, see? Not laughing. I'm All-Sympathy Girl. How can I help? You called me to help? I want to help. I haven't seen you in this much misery since Anya discovered those CDs of pan flute music." When he glared at her, she added sheepishly. "Sorry. I'll just be All-Being-Quiet-And-Not-Making-Things-Worse Girl."

Xander buried his head in his hands and started muttering under his breath. Buffy could only make out the words "'Zamfir', 'Willow' and 'die'. She patted him on the shoulder comfortingly, then squeezed in warning to let him know Erik was approaching. The Viking thrust a handful of Scrabble tiles at Xander.

"Alexander. My brothers wish to see if the signs bode well for our sister's happiness and our victory, but your runes are strange. We understand them not."

"Okay, Erik, that's because they're not-"

"Xander!" Anya appeared from the bedroom, her eyes brimming with tears. "Mother says...she says...she says I can't marry you!"

"What?" Buffy exclaimed, as Xander was stunned beyond the capacity of speech. Erik took his sister in a surprisingly gentle embrace.

"My mother fears Alexander will be like Olaf. Our family suffered greatly when Anyanka used her foul magicks to seek vengeance upon that fool. We will not have that happen again."

"She thinks you won't be able to provide for me...I mean, we don't even have our own goat," Anya wailed.

"But that's not true...well, the part about the goat, is true, but the not being able to provide part...Anya, you just have to tell her about Xander' s job," Buffy said in exasperation.

"My mother knows of Xander's work. He is a fine craftsman, but it is not enough. He must prove worthy of a Viking wife," Erik said.

"It's no use. The wedding is off," Anya sobbed.

"No, Anya. The wedding is on. Willow said the spell that brought your family here won't be broken until you too tie the knot..."

Xander suddenly look hopeful, grabbing Anya's hand.

"Vegas here we come!" he whooped.

"...in the presence of Anya's family," Buffy finished. Xander deflated. "Xander, somehow you need to convince Anya's family that you care enough about her to provide for her."

"Yes, Anyanka! Your strangely named friend is correct. We will take Alexander on a raid. When Mother and Father see him return with plunder, your union will be secure."

"Hang on! That's not what I..." Buffy began, but Erik ignored her.

"Brothers! Alexander will lead us to sack this strange city of Sunnydale, to bring home riches and to win the hand of our sister!" Anya's other brothers stood with an approving roar, ran past a stunned Buffy and Anya, lifted a helpless Xander off his feet and joyously paraded him out of the apartment.

"...meant," Buffy finished weakly. The two women tried to process what had just happened. "Well, at least they show initiative," Buffy tried to joke weakly.

"This isn't funny. Xander's only a Viking in bed. He'll be killed going on a raid!" Anya worried.

"Right...what? Right," Buffy stammered.

"So? How do we stop them?" Anya asked. Buffy stood up straight and squared her shoulders determinedly. She looked bold, confident, every inch a Slayer as she put her arm around the other girl's shoulders and spoke.

"I don't know."

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