Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel the Series and all the characters that appear on the show are the exclusive property of Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, The WB, UPN, Mutant Enemy, Inc. and any one else with a legal binding claim to the shows and/or characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Part Fifteen: Change of Heart

"Mmmmph."

Xander could manage no more than that incoherent grunt as she deepened the kiss. Buffy was kissing him. Buffy Summers was kissing him. He'd had this dream countless times, but it had never been quite this vivid. Quite so...Sensurround before. Like the smell, for instance: the crisp citrus scent of her shampoo, the clean faintly vanilla aroma of her skin...he was aware of these smells, of course, but he rarely noticed them in the dream. And the taste of her mouth, salty and tangy and sweet; that was new. It was almost familiar, but lacked that cinnamon-pepper note that Anya...Xander jerked his head away and she released him so quickly he almost fell. She was panting lightly, her cheeks flushed as she looked up at him with an unreadable expression.

"Whoa. What's happening here?" he asked shakily, finding it oddly hard to form words. His lips were still tingling. She answered lightly, not quite meeting his eyes.

"They used to call it kissing, but I've been dead a while. You call it something else now?"

"Kissing, still the popular term. It's just...when did I fall asleep?" He asked in honest bewilderment. She almost laughed at that, but instead reached over and gave him a tiny pinch on the arm. He yelped, then noticed she wasn‘t looking at his face, but lower. Redness began spreading like wildfire over his face.

"Trust me, you're awake," she smirked. Xander forced himself to think of something decidedly non-sexual. *Angel in a big pink tutu...yeah, that did it.*

"Okay, I’m awake. Then, you're possessed?" he asked flatly. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Not."

"You have amnesia? You don't know I'm Xander?" he guessed. Buffy sighed heavily, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Let me help you here," she began with exaggerated patience. "I, Buffy Summers, being of sound mind and...well, let's leave it at mind, I'm pretty sure dead equals not a sound body...just kissed Xander Harris of my own free will. Does that help?"

"Okay, that's just...no. I don't get it, Buff." A sudden thought made Xander shiver. "Unless this is a standard part of the test...oh God, did you make out with Spike?" he asked, disgusted, then his eyes widened in utter horror. "You sucked face with Giles?!" Buffy appeared torn between laughter and revulsion.

"God no! I never...I only...this only happened with you," she finished, suddenly shy. "In fact, I think it’s probably best if you don’t mention this to them. Especially Angel. Oh, or Spike." Xander nodded, but he was still frowning. He spread his arms wide, indicating his utter lack of understanding.

"Which brings us to why. Why, Buff? Why here? Why now? Why me?"

"I...because maybe I needed to know. What it was like," Buffy said slowly. She shifted awkwardly and sighed. "Maybe you’re not the only one facing their deepest regret." Xander could only blink in surprise for a moment.

"What are you trying to tell me, Buff?" Xander asked carefully. This was starting to be scarier for him than his encounter with the Faith-like sphinx. Buffy shrugged, starting to pace as she tried to explain herself.

"Don't get me wrong, Xander. It's not that I feel that way about you...not that I don't feel that way about you...I mean, I love you. You're one of the best friends I've ever had, and I wouldn't want to give that up for anything. I just...when you die you get a lot of time to reflect and go over stuff, and it occurred to me that all that time I was whining about wanting a normal guy, a normal life, and there you were. I mean, I fell for Riley thinking he was normal but he wasn't really, anymore, and even when he was he was always competing with me. That wasn't what I needed...what I really needed was someone like you. I mean, I think I needed you. But I didn’t know it then, and then..."

"I fell in love with Anya," Xander said softly. Buffy stopped pacing and smiled at him gently.

"Really in love. I've been watching you, you know. I may not always get Anya, but I get that you guys love each other.” Xander was surprised to see the Slayer blinking back tears. "Do you have any idea how beautiful it is to watch you love, Xander? It was amazing. I could really see into your heart." Buffy sighed softly, almost lost in the memory. "It was the best part of heaven. And I guess I just wanted to know what that might be like." Xander reached out and took hold of her shoulders, pulling her closer. Gently he wiped her tears away.

"You already know what it's like. You could always see my heart, Buff." Xander said with a sigh. "I just wish that you...If you know how I feel now, then why kiss me? I mean, it was great, but it wasn't right."

"It wasn’t, but it was, kinda," Buffy said thoughtfully. Xander considered this for a moment, then shook his head.

"You lost me."

"I think we both needed to know if there were any...if we might have...and it was...wow. Really amazing. But...not so much for you," she said confidently. Xander searched his feelings and knew she was right. "You kissed me and thought of Anya. You've moved on. And now you know that."

"I guess I did wonder...you know, I'll always feel that way about you, to a degree, Buffy. You were my first real...you know. But no, that's not how I feel about you anymore, except in my rich and varied fantasy life. And I'm afraid you share me there," he added with a lascivious grin. Buffy gave him a playful punch on the arm, and they both laughed. Xander’s laughter stopped abruptly. "But now I'm worried."

"Worried?" she repeated, concern in her eyes. Xander nodded.

"That it's gonna be all weird between us, because we-" Her crushing hug cut him off mid-sentence.

"Never gonna happen, Xan. I love you too much," Buffy said enthusiastically. As she felt him react to that, she pulled away quickly, then added in exasperation, "I mean love you in a friend way. Friendship love for Xander and Buffy."

"Sure?" Xander asked, still doubtful.

"Positively,” Buffy said emphatically. “Besides, Anya makes you happy, and that's what I want most of all. To see you happy."

"So when do I get to see you happy, my friend?" Xander asked sincerely. For a second she looked wistful, as if thinking about someone else. *Angel,* Xander thought, surprised to find the idea no longer caused him any pain. Then she grinned at him, eyes dancing mischievously. “Don‘t forget what you came for."

"Oh, yeah. Heart of Kefa. Where do I get that?" Xander said, turning in a slow circle as he scanned the room. He saw nothing, not even any exits. He turned back to Buffy and froze, because it wasn't Buffy anymore. He stared in shocked amazement at someone he never thought he‘d see again.

"I'm just a little sorry you asked that," Joyce Summers said with a gentle smile. "I was sort of wishing I could keep it."

************

"You're sure she's gonna be okay?"

Dawn's troubled whisper stirred Tara from her vigil over her girlfriend. It had been more than a day since they had rescued Dawn from...wherever she had been, and Willow had yet to wake up. They had moved her to the training room and laid her on some mats to try to make her comfortable. Tara had thought it best not to move her anymore than that, and had spent the night lying next to her girlfriend, getting only a modicum of light sleep while she waited for some change. Anya and Dawn had returned in the morning to find Willow still pale and unmoving. The redhead was lying so still that only the faint sound of her breathing and her aura's gradually increasing glow told Tara she was recovering. She turned to Dawn with a smile that she hoped looked confident.

"She'll be fine. She just needs to rest...what she did yesterday, that took a lot of power." Tara grimaced. "More power than I thought she had."

"It's my fault," Dawn said miserably. "It's my fault that Willow got hurt. I was such a klutz..."

"It was an accident, Dawnie. I certainly don't blame you, Anya doesn't blame you..." Off of Dawn's frankly skeptical look Tara faltered a bit, then rallied, "and Willow doesn't blame you either. I know that for a fact."

"Really? You promise?" Dawn asked, clearly still in distress. Tara reached out and took her hand.

"I totally promise," she said, and Dawn nodded, satisfied with the answer for now. She looked at Willow again, then back at Tara.

"Tara, can I stay in here with you and watch Willow for a while?"

"I thought you were helping Anya?" Tara inquired, surprised.

"I was, but she keeps glaring at me. And muttering something about Xander and birth control...and she won't let me touch anything."

Tara smiled. The truth was, she was happy for the company. Just watching Willow breathe left her too much time to contemplate all the things that could have gone wrong. It was a long list, and it made Tara's stomach hurt.

"Come sit next to me, Dawnie. We really haven't had a chance to talk about what happened to you."

"I know...Anya grilled me about Xander for two hours when we got to their place last night. I had to pretend to be asleep to get her to stop."

Tara chuckled and pulled Dawn down to sit next to her. They both looked at Willow for a long moment before Tara continued.

"So what was it like?"

Dawn thought for a long moment before finally trying to answer.

"It was so strange. It was real, but it felt more than real...kinda hyper-real, you know? And my clothes changed, and I could do magick, just by thinking..."

"Like how? Can you describe it to me?" Tara asked, trying not to sound worried. She didn’t want to upset Dawn, but her sudden ability to do magic in the other realm had alarmed her. There was still a lot of mystical energy contained in the girl, and she wasn’t sure how to deal with it if it was somehow unleashed or channeled.

"I don't know..." Dawn shrugged and scanned the room for something she could use to demonstrate. "Like, say, the training dummy was coming to kill me. Cause one of the gnomes was coming to kill me, and I was so scared, and I totally panicked and I screamed and I threw up my hands like this..."

Both of them screamed as the training dummy flew across the room. Dawn stared wide-eyed at Tara, who stared at the dummy in shock. It had broken into several pieces upon landing hard. Tara looked back at Buffy's sister and said the words her brain was repeating ad infinitum.

"Oh boy."

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Xander stared. The golden dress swirled around Joyce, reminding him of another dream he'd had a few times...and he was beginning to wonder if they weren't going to be going through his entire fantasy repertoire, in which case he wished he'd packed a lunch.

"I meant for the museum," Joyce said finally when Xander continued to stare so strangely. "Although it's very pretty, too."

"Joyce...Mrs. Summers...I wasn't taking advantage of your daughter!" Xander blurted out. Joyce's gentle laughter was so welcome and familiar...and confusing. "What are you doing here...and wearing Buffy's clothes?"

"Oh, that," Joyce said self-consciously, looking down at herself. "It really wasn't my idea. Do I look totally ridiculous?"

"You look beautiful," Xander said sincerely, and the older woman blushed prettily. "We all really miss you," he added suddenly, then regretted it when he saw the sadness in her eyes.

"I miss you, too. But I appreciate what good care Rupert's taken of Dawn. You'll tell him that for me, won't you?" she asked earnestly. Xander nodded, and the sorrow eased out of Joyce's manner. She held out both hands, and appearing in them was the largest jewel Xander had ever seen. It took two hands to hold it, and it sparkled with more reflected light than Xander could account for in the chamber. "I believe this is what you came for," Joyce prompted when Xander made no move to take it.

"That's the Heart of Kefa?" he asked, still too stunned to reach for it. “It’s really...big, isn’t it?”

"Yes. It's the largest yellow diamond in the world, or so they tell me. It's got an amazing history, you know...which I won't bore you with," she added in amusement as she saw Xander's eyes glaze over, "but none of that is what makes it special."

"What makes it special is it's going to help me bring Buffy back," Xander said knowingly, not noticing Joyce's frown, so entranced was he by the sparkling diamond. "Plus, look at the light bouncing off of it...or passing through it...or coming from it? Never mind, let’s just say it’s weird but shiny. I like it."

"What makes it special is that it's blessed. Diamonds are often cursed, but rarely blessed."

"Oh. That's different,” Xander said, adding ruefully, “Kinda gotten used to things being cursed."

"The blessing it bestows on the holder is a guarantee. The kind you normally don’t get in the world you live in," Joyce said, and the tremor in her voice made Xander pay closer attention. He sensed what she was saying was very important to her.

"A guarantee of what?" Xander asked. Joyce shrugged and forced the jewel into his hands. A sense of pleasant calm passed through him the moment he held it in his hands.

"Love. Peace. Happiness. The person who holds the Heart of Kefa can rest easy knowing that the person he loves will never fall out of love with him, and that he will never fall out of love with her. They will truly and blissfully be together until death."

"You’re saying-" Xander began, but Joyce cut him off, nodding emphatically.

"You and Anya. I’m sure you love her. But I know you also have doubts...worries...about your future together. With this you wouldn't need to worry at all," Joyce said urgently, leaning in intently. "I need you to do this for me, Xander. Take the Heart of Kefa and be happy."

"But Buffy..."

"Belongs with me," Joyce said, and now the distress and fear that he remembered seeing on her face so many times when Buffy was in danger was there again. "She's finally safe, Xander. Away from all that death, those horrible...please, I'm begging you. Help me keep my daughter safe."

Xander swallowed hard. For the first time he found himself questioning what they were doing here. Was it right to bring Buffy back to slay when she could be safe and at peace? Was he saving her or dooming her? He looked down at the stone in his hands, its peaceful vibrations still coursing through him. It was like as long as he was holding it he could be sure of his place in the world, of the love of the ones most close to him. It was a feeling he had never experienced before; his home life had been about sudden mood swings, constant changes. Nothing promised; not food, not clothes, not love. Holding the stone he could see him growing older with Anya, holding children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and every night holding the woman who first made him feel like a man. He knew that as a rule it was one possibility out of an infinite string of possibilities. It wasn't even the most likely possibility. But the stone could make certain it was how the future played for him, and all he had to do was give in and do what Joyce asked. Xander nodded.

"Is that what Buffy wants?" he asked with difficulty. Joyce looked away, and Xander immediately knew the answer. In fact, he realized he‘d known it all along, remembering the twinkle in her eyes when she‘d told him not to forget for what he had come. "She doesn't want to stay. She wants to come back to our world. She's not finished, Joyce. It might be hard and painful and dark, but Buffy's work isn’t finished yet."

"She just needs time to adjust," Joyce said desperately, and Xander gave her a tense smile. "Please, Xander. I'm begging you."

"Joyce, please don't,” Xander pleaded. “I...I can't do what you ask. I've already promised, I've already...I’ve already pledged myself to her service." The words sounded strange coming out of his mouth, but there they were. Joyce laughed without humor.

"Her service? You're going to get her hurt and killed, and you say it's in her service." Joyce glared bitterly, then turned her back on him.

"I'm sorry," Xander said, feeling the words were inadequate but not knowing what else to say. He turned and walked away, not wanting to watch the woman he thought of as a surrogate mother...at least sometimes...hurt anymore.

"You know you and Anya will never last without the Heart," Joyce said from behind him. Xander stopped, but didn't turn around.

"Probably not," Xander agreed. "But that's kind of one of the reasons I love Anya. She's unpredictable. Life's like that, particularly on the Hellmouth. And we've managed so far. No one thought we’d last this long. We just might surprise everyone." *Including us,* he added mentally.

He took a few steps, not sure where he was going, only knowing that the urge to move was overwhelming. In a moment he was plunged back into the blackness. *Great, spook house again,* he thought before consciousness fell away from him like a coat tossed aside.

Several light taps on the face brought him back to reality. In the dim light he saw Gus, a strained smile on his face.

"'Tis good you've awoken, Sir Alexander. Your fellow knights await your presence to complete your journey."

"Where are we going?" Xander asked sleepily as Gus helped him dress. Gus sighed, sounding slightly bothered.

"I'm afraid I know not, good knight. But I do know that your fellows await your company by the stables. It shall end as it has begun these last four days hence."

Xander nodded, then abruptly came to full alertness, his eyes wide with panic.

"Where's the-"

"The Heart of Kefa is right here," Gus said, handing it over with another long sigh. "Such a beautiful thing. I never thought I would live to see it. I thank you, Sir Alexander, for allowing me to hold it for a time." Xander relaxed as the precious jewel in his hands gave off peaceful emanations. He smiled and nodded at Gus, who led him down to the stables.

When he arrived he saw the others were standing and holding their gifts as well, none of them looking very happy about it. Angel in particular seemed uncomfortable, holding the Chalice gingerly by the edges to avoid the crosses. Spike wasn't looking at anyone, but instead was staring down at the Blade of Denis as if it was speaking words only he could hear. And Giles clutched the Wand of Dragan close to his heart, looking sadder than Xander had seen him since...well, since Buffy had died. The smile was wiped from Xander's face as he met the others' questioning gaze. He held up the diamond for perusal.

"Heart of Kefa," he said shortly. Looking down at it he felt a pang of guilt, remembering Joyce begging him not to bring Buffy back. He shrugged off the feeling and looked to the others. "Well, what now?"

"I haven't the foggiest," Giles snapped. The others looked equally ill at ease, and Xander's eyes flashed.

"Well, I can tell this is going to work already," he drawled. "We'll just stand here with our toys and glare each other to death. That's sure to bring Buffy back."

"You've got a better idea, Junior?" Spike asked, his eyes starting to glow yellow. Xander said nothing. Instead he looked around and spotted a grassy spot, sprawled on the ground.

"What the hell are you doing?" Angel asked.

"Making myself comfortable,” Xander said with false casualness. “Looks like this is gonna be a while." Spike stalked over to him, raising the sword halfway without thinking.

"Get up," he said almost calmly. Xander shook his head.

"I don't think so," he answered.

"Xander, Spike, stop this this instant," Giles said. Spike's head whipped towards him.

"Stay out of this, Watcher!" he warned, then looked back at Xander. "I told you to get up."

"And you're not my mother," Xander retorted. "I mean, at least my mother could hit-"

"Spike, no!" Angel screamed, as the vampire had lifted the sword high and was about to strike down his companion. Xander gaped in shock as the vampire immediately turned away and lowered the Blade, clearly shaken. Without a word he stalked off, stopping a short distance from the others and trying to compose himself. The other three looked at each other uncertainly. Angel motioned for Xander to stand. The younger man did without further protest, too distressed by what had just happened to fight with Angel too.

"There's something going on here," Giles said softly. "Something that's not right."

"What do you mean?" Angel asked.

"We...I know we've had our issues, but we haven't been at each other’s throats quite like this," he observed. "There is no good way to say this, but right now I can barely stand the sight of either of you. I just want to go off and..."

"And what?" Xander asked, already knowing the answer. The sense of comfort he was taking from holding the Heart of Kefa was beginning to make him rethink his decision.

"And use this Wand," Giles said miserably. "It just...feels like it should. Like it was meant to be mine and mine alone. What possible use could someone else have for it?"

"Obviously Spike wants to use the Blade, apparently on me. What about you, Angel? Any urges to have a nice Chalice-y drink?" Xander asked. The vampire merely nodded, suddenly unable to meet their eyes.

"You too?" a much-subdued Spike asked, returning to the group. "I've been almost out of my bleedin' mind." Without thinking they had formed a square, each man facing the direction that his challenge had originated from. Their awareness of it seemed to make the objects' hold on them ease, but they could tell that it was only a temporary reprieve.

"So what do we do?" Xander asked, disturbed. "Obviously the longer we hold onto these things, the more likely we are to give up-"

"We can't!" Angel said tersely. "We can't give up."

"The prophecy said we needed to be together to 'part the veil,'" Giles recalled. "'So joined in mind and will and heart; they will not pass if drawn apart.'"

"So these bloody gifts we’re supposed to bring the Slayer are drawing us apart?" Spike asked. "What can we do? We can‘t get rid of them, right?"

"I have an idea," Angel said softly as it fell into place in his mind. "It's all about trusting each other, and letting go, I think." He turned towards Spike and held out the Chalice. "Take it and pass yours to Xander." Spike instinctively slipped into his game face at the sight of the embossed crosses.

"I'm not gonna-"

"Angel's right," Giles said softly, and Xander nodded. Spike glared at them before nodding as well.

"I know he’s right, but that doesn't mean I have to like it," he groused. He gingerly took hold of the Chalice, being careful not to touch the crosses as he handed the Blade of Denis to Xander. In order to take hold of it Xander had to pass the Heart of Kefa to Giles; he almost laughed at the look of surprise on the Watcher's face when he felt the energy emanating from it. Giles handed the Wand to Angel; the second it passed from his hand to the vampire's, the ground began to tremble. A hole began opening in the ground in the center of where they were standing. It stopped when it was just large enough to put one foot in. Angel peered down, but it appeared fathomless.

"Alright then. Again," Spike said, and they swapped again, in the same manner. The opening widened some more, but was still not big enough for them to get through. They repeated the maneuver, then paused, looking down.

"Once more should do it," Giles said. The other three nodded, and he held the Chalice of Restoration in his hands back towards Angel. "For Buffy," he said solemnly.

"For Buffy," Angel said, holding the Blade of Denis hilt up towards Spike.

"For Buffy," Spike said solemnly, holding the Heart of Kefa out to Xander, managing to balance it on one hand.

"For Buffy," Xander finished, the Wand of Dragan stretched towards Giles. As each man simultaneously released the gift he was holding and grabbed hold of the one he was meant to bring, the ground beneath their feet fell away. They fell together as one into the darkness.

The sensation of free fall was almost immediately replaced with the sensation of reversing direction. They were flying upward but still falling, no control over where and when they would be landing. Just when they were beginning to fear there might be no end to this trip they burst forth almost gently, finding themselves standing, unharmed, back in the ruins of the Sunnydale High library. A quick check showed them that they were still clothed as knights and still holding their gifts. A white haired man dressed in white and silver flowing robes with a tall white pointed hat stood before them, Buffy at his side. The Slayer was dressed as she had been when they had first seen her and pledged themselves to her here, all in white and silver. If anything she shone brighter now that the quest was almost over.

"Well done, my good knights," the man said, and Giles started. The others looked at him questioningly.

"Good Lord. That’s Merlin," he gasped. The former wizard grinned at him like he was a prize pupil.

"I am indeed, Rupert. I'm quite pleased with how well you've done. It's nice to know there's one of my descendants that still has some of the old magick about him." All four knights and Buffy gaped at this revelation.

"Wait, you're THE Merlin? The King Arthur-Round Table-Camelot Merlin?" Buffy asked. Merlin winked at her.

"You know another one?" he asked saucily. When she opened her mouth to ask something else, he said, "Don’t you think we should just get on with this? Or have you changed your mind and sent these poor boys through this all for nothing?"

"No, no, let’s go," Buffy said. Merlin nodded and raised his arms majestically.

"Very well. Come forth as one, good knights, and present your gifts and win your lady’s favor...and her return from Death itself," he intoned. Three of the knights took two steps forward and stopped, looking back at the fourth, who hadn’t moved but was still standing there and staring at his gift uncertainly. Buffy looked at him and frowned.

"Angel?" she called. He looked up at her desperately.

"Buffy, I’m sorry. I...I just can’t."

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TBC...one more chapter to go...