Title: Hello Goodbye (Part 3 of 12)

Author: Jeffrey Patrick

Description: The gang must discover their gifts in order to bring back the dead Slayer.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a pickled herring, and a bug zapper. Joss Whedon and the fab folks at Mutant Enemy own Buffy and all related characters. It’s their sandbox. I just bring the matchbox cars.

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Cordelia Chase looked at Xander Harris and smiled. It had been a long while since she had seen him. He seemed… different somehow. Older. More confident. Xander smiled back. They were okay. She knew it. He knew it. All the awkwardness that might normally exist between ex-lovers was gone. They were friends, though neither would admit it. It was much easier for them to insult one another. It was the way their relationship had always worked.

Next, Cordelia glanced at Willow. She looked more tired and thin than Cordy recalled. Willow didn’t notice that Cordelia was looking her way, but Tara did. She smiled weakly at Cordelia before turning back to listen to Giles. Cordelia did the same, and found that the Watcher was telling them all to pay attention to whatever surroundings they find themselves in during the coming trials. As usual, Cordelia thought he was being overly dramatic. Apparently, Xander agreed.

"That's it, Giles,” he quipped, “From now on you don't get to make the big pre-battle speech, because you're…"

It was the sudden silence that snapped Cordelia out of her daze. She suddenly found herself alone, in surroundings she hadn’t seen in months. It was Angel’s old office. Wolfram and Hart had destroyed it, yet there she was, sitting at her old desk. As familiar as it was, however, she was still shaken to see the man who suddenly appeared before her.

“Doyle?”

The young man smiled at her, speechless for a moment. “Hello, Cordelia. You look ravishing as usual.”

“But how… I mean you’re… how can…?” Jumping to her feet, Cordelia threw her arms around him, before planting a passionate kiss on his lips. She then stepped back and slapped him… hard.

“Ow! Whatcha do that for?”

“Which one?”

“Well, the slap obviously. I KNOW why you kissed me.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes. “I kissed you to give back the visions, feeb!”

“Right,” he said sarcastically.

“Hey, you kissed me to give them to me.”

“You think that’s why I kissed you?” Doyle looked offended. “Do you think I knew that was gonna happen?”

“Yes.”

He smiled. “Well, I can’t say that you’re wrong there, but what choice did I have? Angel had to have a link to the powers.”

“Leave it to you to be the missing link,” Cordy said with a smirk.

“You know,” Doyle said, shuffling his feet, “you haven’t even asked what I’m doin’ here.”

“It’s the big trial thing,” Cordy said flatly. “So give me the scoop.”

Doyle looked at her as though he were obviously impressed. “Wow! You HAVE changed.”

“Well, having visions of horrible evil flashing through your brain can do that to a person.”

“I’m sorry, princess. I know it’s no picnic.”

She smiled at him. “It’s okay.”

They stood there a moment, neither knowing what to say. Cordelia finally gathered the nerve to break the silence. “We miss you.”

Doyle smiled at her. “You and Angel, you mean?”

“Well,” she said, looking away, “I can’t speak for Angel.”

His smile widened.

“I miss you,” she admitted. “It’s… not the same… without you.”

“Imagine how I feel,” Doyle said. “I have to spend the afterlife without you around to keep me on my toes.”

She smiled at him. Then her expression turned serious. “What do I have to do? What’s my test?”

“Right down to business, eh?” Doyle shook his head. “Not the fun loving Cordelia that I remember, are you?”

“Things change. People change. Besides, I don’t even know if you’re really Doyle. You could just be some… phantom… that the Powers dreamed up to test me.”

He smiled his most charming smile. “And how could I test you?”

She looked away. “I don’t know. I’m not plan gal.”

“You’re a lot more than you realize,” he said softly. He placed his fingers beneath her chin, lifting her gaze to meet his. “I really am Doyle. You knew that when you kissed me.”

She nodded.

“Good. Now what’s this test you’re talking about?”

She looked at him, obviously puzzled. “You aren’t here to test me?”

“Slow down,” he said, leading her to sit down across from him. “Tell me what’s happening on the other side.”

“It’s Buffy…”

“Yeah. I heard she bit the big one while she was fighting Glorificus. And let me say, I think the Powers were slightly miffed that the Slayer couldn’t cut it against Glory. She was hardly the worst thing out there in the dark.”

“Back up there, Flash.” Cordelia leaned in closer. “Two things. One… If you aren’t here for the test, why are you here? Two… Buffy gave her life to save the world for the umpteenth time and the Powers are disappointed? Well, you can tell them that they can just kiss my…”

“As… I was saying,” Doyle interrupted, “I don’t know jack about a test, love. As for Buffy, I’m just saying that the Powers thought she’d last a bit longer.”

“I didn’t,” Cordy said as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“What do you mean?”

“I was… I knew that as a Slayer… her days were numbered. She was going to keep fighting the good fight. She’d go down swinging and take us with her.”

Doyle suddenly understood. He took her hand. “That’s why you really left Sunnydale? To escape the Hellmouth?”

“No. I knew that all things that go bump in the night are bumping places other than Sunnydale too. I left Sunnydale… to get away from her. Because the longer I was around her…”

“The more you risked yourself willingly,” Doyle said. “You were beginning to understand her. You were changing.”

“Yeah. What a coward, huh? I got the hell out of Dodge so I wouldn’t go down fighting.”

He kissed her hand. “But you couldn’t escape the truth. You ran away from Sunnydale and smack into your destiny.”

“My destiny as a screw-up, you mean? I haven’t exactly established a line of credit with the Powers.”

“Are you kidding? Don’t you think the Powers know that you and the others kept up the fight when Angel was all obsessed with Darla? They do, Cordy! They know you’re worthy of the gift that I gave you. They know that you’re responsible enough to do the right thing with it.”

“But they’re disappointed with Buffy? That makes no sense. What are you hiding, Doyle? You always work WITH the Powers. What’s the test?”

“What? Hiding? I- I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t give me that,” she said, leaning closer to him, and pointing a finger in his face. “You’re wearing your lie face. You may be charming, but you’re a really bad liar, Doyle. What’s really going on here?”

“Not a thing, love. I swear.”

“Well, stop swearing, Doyle. I KNOW you’re lying. You have to tell me the real story. You OWE me that. At LEAST that, come to think of it.”

Doyle looked away for as moment. Cordelia leaned back. She knew that we wanted to tell her the truth. He was likely ordered by the Powers not to give her too much information. She was counting on Doyle’s natural inclination to break the rules. When he finally looked back at her, she knew he had caved. She had always had a way with Doyle. Apparently, even death had not robbed them of it.

“The thing is, Cordelia… You’re here to make a decision. One that should have been a little more clear cut.”

“A decision about Buffy?”

“Right. Initially, they were gonna make you choose between your destiny and the Slayer. But then you chose your visions over that strapping chap in Pylea. You coulda stayed there and been the queen. Instead, you chose responsibility. So the Powers decided to… up the stakes. They said I shouldn’t tell you that they changed plans, but…”

“Up the stakes?” she repeated. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“Tell me about it. The Powers are quite fond of irony it seems. Not to mention that sacrifice seems to be a runnin’ theme.”

“What are you saying?”

“They determined your test should be a simple choice. You can choose to bring Buffy back.”

“Or?”

“Or… you can… bring back… someone else.”

Cordelia searched his eyes. She knew what he was saying, but she needed to hear it. “Like… you?”

Doyle looked away. “Cordelia, I think it’s obvious what you should do. I wasn’t even gonna tell you that you HAD a choice. The world needs the Slayer.”

“But I need…”

He looked back up at her. She turned away.

“I need to think about this.”

“There’s nothing to think about, Cordelia. They only did this…”

“To make it as hard as possible? What are they testing, Doyle? My ability to be frustrated and confused?”

“As for what you’re supposed to learn,” Doyle admitted, “I haven’t a clue. But, Buffy can actually make something of her life, Cordelia. I didn’t do much with mine when I had the chance.”

“That’s not true. You died to save a lot of lives.”

“Demon lives, if you recall. Didn’t win me high marks with the Powers. They were counting on me to look after you and Angel.”

“All the more reason for me to think about this.”

“But Cordelia…”

“Doyle, shut up. You said it’s my decision. Just… stay quiet and let me think.”

She sat there for what seemed like an eternity. She remained silent with her eyes closed. At times, Doyle wondered if she had fallen asleep. Then she began to weep. He wanted to hold her… comfort her, but he knew it wouldn’t help. Besides, he didn’t want to sway her decision in any way. Instead, he kicked back in the chair he occupied. He closed his eyes and started to drift to sleep.

Cordelia Chase stood up and paced the floor. Doyle had drifted off.

“Typical,” she thought. A smile crawled across her face. “Why did it have to be him?”

Suddenly, a vision came. Her knees went week. If she hadn’t managed to grab her old desk, she would have fallen to the floor. The images flashed by quickly, but each one seemed to last an eternity. She was there in each of them living out the moments.

She saw Buffy back among friends, ignoring Cordelia’s part in the process as usual.

She saw Buffy and the Scoobies fighting some big bad on the stern of a huge ship. There were tentacles everywhere.

She saw Buffy and Willow crying over Xander’s grave.

She saw Angel hearing the news of Buffy’s engagement and taking the news badly.

She saw their agency go under while Angel was unable to move on.

She saw Buffy dying later in life at the hands of a familiar vamp.

The visions stopped and she stood to her feet. She knew it wasn’t over, so she leaned against the desk and waited for the next vision. “I know it’s coming,” she said. “Let’s get this over with.”

The visions hit her again.

She saw the look on Angel’s face when she walked through the door with Doyle.

She saw Wesley and Gunn making the effort to find a place for him in the agency’s new location.

She saw herself standing beneath the mistletoe on a warm L.A. Christmas Eve, kissing Doyle gently before it turned into something much… more.

She saw Doyle having a vision, and leading the gang to stop Xander from going after a L’ycinth demon on his own.

She saw Angel fulfilling his destiny and becoming human.

Hours passed as she contemplated all she had seen. When she finally stood up and walked toward Doyle’s sleeping form, she had her answer.

“Doyle?”

He knew as soon as he opened his eyes. “Yeah?”

“You know that… I really care about you, right?”

“Gosh,” he said with a smile. “You’re not gonna propose are you, love? I’m not really the type to settle down. Plus, being dead and all… Well, it’s not real conducive to a stable relationship.”

“You know, don’t you?”

He grinned and looked away. “Well… I trusted you to do the right thing. We both know this is right.”

“I need you to understand why it has to be this way.”

He smiled and touched her cheek. “You don’t owe me any explanations.”

“But I want to explain.” She turned and began pacing. “What you said earlier about me running away from Sunnydale and right into my destiny… You were right. But one of the only reasons I finally accepted my place in this constant battle is that I learned from Buffy and Angel… and you… that if you know the truth, you have a responsibility to act on it. You both sacrificed yourselves to save us. You both gave up everything that you cared about. You were both loved.”

She turned to face him. “Before I met Buffy, I was completely self-absorbed. I treated people like dirt. I hate to admit it, but she was the catalyst of change in my life. She was an example, that unknowingly… I’ve struggled to live up to every day since I got these crazy visions.”

“Even before that,” Doyle pointed out.

“Maybe so. One thing that I learned from her is that the easy thing is seldom the right thing. I never felt close to Buffy. We were never friends… not like maybe we should’ve been… not like you and I were.”

“But?”

She smiled at him. He knew her better than she cared to admit. “She taught me that sometimes you have to go with your gut. I can’t tell you how many times I listened to her and Giles come up with some insane plan that I thought would probably get us all killed. Of course, I would say that, but they would go right ahead with the plan.”

“And everything would turn out okay.”

“Every time,” she admitted. “We didn’t always get the ending we wanted, but she followed her gut instinct, and we came out on top. Taking the hard road always turned out to be the wiser plan.” She reached up and touched his face. Doyle closed his eyes and treasured her touch. “I can’t ignore my gut,” she said. “I want you back, Doyle. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by since you died when I haven’t questioned what could have been.”

He smiled at her, hoping to ease her burden. He knew there was nothing he could say, so he kissed her forehead. She sighed.

“I want you back, but… I know… somehow… that it wouldn’t be right. My heart says that Buffy’s already had a second chance at life, and it should be your turn now. But my gut… says that she’s going to be needed. If I don’t bring her back… the world could pay for my selfishness. I have to sacrifice. I have to be responsible. I have to be… what Buffy has always been. I’m so sorry. I can think of a million reasons to bring you back instead. I can only think of one reason to bring Buffy back.”

“And what’s that?”

“It’s right. Somehow, in the midst of all this craziness, I know that it’s right. I can’t ignore it.”

“Well, don’t be sorry,” he said softly. “This is the way it should be. Each of you has a gift to give her. Yours is the same gift she gave to you… responsibility in the face of overwhelming sacrifice.”

“What do I need to do?”

“It’s already done,” he said. “You’ll be leaving soon.”

A tear ran down her cheek. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you again.”

“Then don’t,” he said with a smile. “Whenever your day comes, I’ll be waiting here.”

She smiled. “No offense, but if that’s the case, I hope I don’t see you for a while.”

“Me too.” He kissed her lips tenderly. They both wept for a few moments, but soon they were laughing again. He reminded her of a silly story she had told him, and she laughed. He watched her in awe, trying to burn the image of her laughing into his memory. It would have to last him an eternity. Then, just as quickly as she had arrived, she was gone.