Title: Hello Goodbye Part 4 of 12

Author: Jeanny

Summary: The PTB are sending the Scoobies on mysterious and dangerous quests; Buffy's future hangs in the balance.

Disclaimer: Joss, Fox, Mutant Enemy, rule the world - or at least these characters. I'm just doing my part in the universal Dance of Joy surrounding them.

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Dawn felt like she was no longer a person, but a spring coiled tightly. Any second now someone was going to touch her and she was going to spring up and hit the ceiling, and then she’d probably burst into all too human tears. Giles was talking about what was going to happen, but it was hard to concentrate on it. It was hard to listen at all. Xander tried to say something funny, but the glare he got from Anya was actually what Dawn found funny. She giggled, feeling oddly outside of herself. Willow looked at her and smiled but it looked strange on her face, like someone had cut a smile out of a magazine and pasted it over her mouth. The stress was getting to all of them.

"The interesting and alarming part is what Cordelia said about the risk. We risk losing what we seek to gain." Giles was frowning, puzzling over this riddle, when Dawn suddenly felt irrationally annoyed that he hadn’t mentioned her sister in his explanation.

"To gain for Buffy.” For some reason reminding Giles about why this was happening made her feel better about it, too. She felt much calmer when she thought about her sister. They might have her with them soon, and she would cling to that thought. *Whatever it takes, Buffy. I’ll do anything, I don‘t care what I have to do. I will get you back. I know you’d do it for me. Anything. Anything.* She repeated that word to herself over and over like a mantra as Giles droned on, only looking up when Xander began to chastise the Watcher.

"That's it, Giles, from now on you don't get to make the big pre-battle speech, because you're"

Dawn was back home. She was lying on her stomach in her own bed, pen in hand posed over her diary. Her room looked different than it had that morning, but it was familiar. It appeared exactly the way it had looked a few months ago, before she knew she was the Key, and before...before... She dropped the pen and ran down the hall, skidding to a stop in front of her mother’s room. The door was closed and she reached for the knob with a shaking hand.

“Hello, honey.” The voice she now only heard in her dreams came from behind her, and she closed her eyes, tears sneaking past the lids and flooding her cheeks. She opened them as she turned, fearing that she would somehow disappear as swiftly as she had appeared. Her mother was standing there, her eyes shining. She was smiling and whole. Dawn flew into Joyce’s arms, sobbing so hard she was unable to speak. Her mother stroked her hair and murmured soothingly, and they stayed there for some time. Finally Joyce reluctantly pulled away, brushing tears from her own eyes as well.

“Dawnie, I’m sorry, but we can’t do this now. Remember why you’re here.”

“I’m supposed to be doing some kind of test. For Buffy. To help Buffy. But what am I doing here, Mom?” Joyce turned slightly away, suddenly unable to look her daughter in the eye. Dawn stiffened. She knew whatever was coming, she wasn’t going to like it.

“The Powers sent me to explain the trial, Dawn. I don’t know why they wanted it to take place here, except...” she trailed off, unwilling to continue that line of thought. Before Dawn could question her, she continued, forcing her voice to remain steady. “You’re going to have to make a choice, and it isn’t an easy one. Buffy sacrificed herself so that you could live, and the Powers want to know if you’d be willing to do the same.” Dawn swallowed hard.

“The Powers...want me to die?” Joyce’s eyes were brimming with tears.

“No, Dawn. The choice is not to die, the choice is to never have lived. All the false memories of you will be wiped away, and even the real ones from these past months. You’ll still exist as The Key in its natural form. The human form, Dawn Summers, my baby...she will be gone. No one will remember you ever existed at all. Including me.”

“B-but...I did exist, for a little while...how do I just stop being?” Dawn stared wide-eyed at her mother, trying to comprehend what this meant for her. “And if I’m just the Key, what am I then?” Joyce was so choked up she could barely speak.

“I don’t know, Dawn. It’s a horrible choice. I can’t tell you what to do. I can only tell you that the decision you have to make is between your sister’s life and your own.” Dawn shook her head in denial.

“No one would remember? That can’t be right. Someone would have to...Spike!” Dawn looked at her mother, desperate hope shining in her eyes. “Spike’s a vampire. Xander said he was the only one who knew that Glory and Ben were the same person. Spike would remember me, wouldn’t he?”

“I don’t think so, honey.” Joyce’s fists clenched at her side. She was straining visibly against the impulse to take Dawn in her arms again. Dawn for her part looked simply lost.

“I don’t think I can do it. I mean, I can die, I was willing to die that night. But Buffy took my place. Buffy wanted me to live, how do I just...not? How do I go back to being The Key, not knowing what I am?” Joyce shook her head in response. She didn’t know. The Powers hadn’t told her what the choice really meant, and being forced to lose one of her daughters was ripping her apart.

“I wish I knew what to say, honey. I’m your mother, I’m supposed to be able to help you.”

“I don’t even know what it’s like, being the Key, I mean I don’t remember...” Dawn never even had a chance to scream before the room vanished. She stared into a void that pulsed and hummed and was somehow colorless. She tried to cry out, but she no longer had a voice. A moment later she no longer remembered how to speak. The colorless void was abruptly filled with color. She could see into demon dimensions, hundreds of them at once. Bizarre shapes and sounds surrounded her, filled her. Worst of all, they passed through her. Demons used her to traverse the dimensions, passing through her body...except she no longer had a body. Through her soul, then. She could feel them, feel the evil within them, and she was powerless to keep them from touching her. She felt violated, and still more came, until she didn’t think she could stand it anymore. She wanted her mother. She wanted Buffy. She wanted Willow and Xander and Spike. At this thought, she could all at once see into the earth dimension as she had all the demon dimensions before. She saw Willow and Xander laughing quietly with Buffy. Saw the three of them walk into the Summers house, and the sadness that flashed on Buffy’s face as she entered.

“Are you okay, Buff?” Xander asked softly. Dawn felt vibrations rather than actually hearing his voice. It was a strange sensation.

“Yeah, I‘m okay. It‘s just sometimes I guess I can‘t believe she‘s really gone. But I‘m okay, I mean, I have to be. I know I’m not alone, I have you guys, and Giles. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Willow gave Buffy a reassuring hug as Buffy sighed. “Still, in a sense I am all alone now. It’s been me and Mom for so long now. Dad’s out there somewhere, but it’s obvious he doesn’t really care anymore. I guess, sometimes I wish I hadn’t been an only child, you know?” Dawn’s heart would have sunken if she still had a heart. Her vision became blurry; she could no longer see Buffy or the others, she could no longer see...she could no longer see! But she could feel, oh God, she could feel...she felt evil she never knew existed pass through her again and again and it was unbearable...

...and she screamed, suddenly back in human form on her hands and knees in the Summers living room. Joyce ran to gather her in her arms, holding her close until her uncontrolled trembling ceased.

“Oh God,” Dawn breathed shakily as her tremors began subside. “That’s what it’s like. It’s horrible, it’s so horrible.” She looked at her mother wide-eyed. “I have to choose to go back there. I have to choose to be...to let them...” Tears streamed down her face as her mother nodded.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Joyce whispered. She spoke to the air angrily. “She’s just a child, this is too hard. You can’t ask her to do this! You can’t ask me to let go of another daughter!”

Dawn closed her eyes, hearing her sister’s voice inside her head, telling her that they shared the same blood. She heard Giles talking about risks and sacrifices. And most of all she heard her own voice inside her head, promising to do anything. She opened her eyes, terrified but suddenly determined.

“Tell the Powers I agree. Take my body. Take all the memories of me. I give all of it to Buffy. They can have everything. I’ll still be me, even if I’m me inside my sister. She’s the Slayer. The world needs her. She wanted me to live for her, and I won‘t be breaking my promise. I‘ll just live through her instead. Anything they want, just bring Buffy back!” Sudden awareness flowed through Joyce and she realized that by making this choice both her daughters would be saved. She sobbed in relief as Dawn looked on questioningly. Joyce smiled through tears and opened her arms to her daughter, holding her for the last time.

“Dawnie, you did it. You passed the test. You found your gift.”

“My body is my gift?” Dawn asked, though it was a rhetorical question. Summers blood was what Buffy had given her. It was only fair she should return the favor. “When are they going to take my body away? When are you going to forget me?” Joyce shook her head smiling.

“Never, Dawn, I’ll never forget you. The Powers needed to be sure you would be willing to sacrifice your human form...it’s the Key energy that they’ll be taking instead. From now on you’ll be a normal teenage girl, and you’ll grow up and have a wonderful life. It’s everything I ever wanted for you, baby.”

Dawn broke down at her mother’s words and wept in her arms.

“I love you, Mom. Please stay with me. Don’t leave!” Dawn felt herself beginning to fade from the scene, but as she vanished, she caught the faint reply.

“I’m always with you Dawn. I’m in your heart. And your sister’s heart. Take care of each other for me.”

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