Title: Hello Goodbye Part 8 of 12

Author: Jeanny

Summary: The PTB are sending the Scoobies on mysterious and dangerous quests; Buffy's future hangs in the balance.

Disclaimer: Joss, Fox, and Mutant Enemy rule the world - or at least these characters. I'm just doing my part in the universal Dance of Joy surrounding them.

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Silence. Tara was comfortable with silence. In fact, one of the hardest parts about being part of the 'Scooby Gang' was the constant noise. Someone was always talking, and it made it hard to think. Now she could in this quiet. The problem was all her thoughts were bad. She glanced around the room. Cordelia was staring at Willow, her expression unreadable. More accurately, it would have been unreadable to Willow if she'd noticed, but Tara could see the concern in her eyes. She gave her a smile, but it faltered. Again, the thoughts...she needed to get rid of them. She touched Willow's shoulder.

"Willow, are you okay?" Tara asked softly. As she'd anticipated, Willow began to babble. It was her girlfriend's nature when nervous to be excessively verbal, much as it was her own to be almost mute. With the sound of Willow babble and then Giles' lecture, she could almost put those bad thoughts to rest. Almost.

What could she give Buffy? This was the main thought that was plaguing Tara. She still felt horrible guilt for getting her brain sucked, though she knew that was beyond her control. If she hadn't, just maybe...well, who really knew what might have happened? And beyond that, what did she have to bring to the table that wasn't already here. Willow was a much more powerful witch than she was. Giles was smarter, Xander was funnier. Anya had been a demon and had all that...having-been-a-demon-for-a-millenium knowledge. And Buffy...Buffy had been the Slayer. And her friend. Tara really felt that she had become friends with Buffy, separate from their obvious connection through Willow. She missed their after class talks and going for mochas and ordinary things like that. She really wanted Buffy back. Tara was stirred from her thoughts by the feel of Willow's shoulder suddenly tensing. She tuned back into Giles' speech.

"...quite dangerous. It is also unclear if the failure of one of us will affect the group as a whole. There could be dire consequences, perhaps for all of us." Tara was stunned. *That can't be right. I won't be the one to hurt everyone, I won't.* Tara opened her mouth to ask Giles if he was sure, and if he was, how sure was sure, but Xander was already speaking.

"That's it, Giles, from now on you don't get to make the big pre-battle speech, because you're"

Tara shivered, disoriented. She couldn't see anything; she was surrounded by total darkness. She could no longer feel Willow's warm shoulder beneath her hand. Xander had been cut off as cleanly as if someone had turned off a radio. Instinctively she knew that she was no longer in the Magic Box. But this place...something about it felt very familiar, but she couldn't make the memory come. She took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together as she felt the chill of fear spread through her.

"W-w-willow? Anyb-body?" Tara would have been annoyed at the return of her stutter if she hadn't been so preoccupied. Under the circumstances, a speech impediment was the least of her worries. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she whispered. "F-f-fiat Lux," and a tiny spark illuminated her immediate surroundings. It was the best she could manage without the catalyst for the spell, but at least she was no longer totally in the dark. She started to breathe easier until she realized just exactly where she was.

"The cellar. Oh goddess, not the cellar!" Tara whimpered, bile rising in her throat. She fought down her panic, swallowing frantically. She tried to force herself to remain calm, but she couldn't imagine a more terrible place she could have found herself. If Buffy and the others hadn't helped her stand up to her father right before her birthday, this is where she would have...a wave of dizziness swept through her. She was drowning in memories. Desperately she put her hands over her ears as if that could block them out.

[Huddling at the bottom of the stairs. The light swinging. Arms grabbing her...voices...

"Tara, I told you not to come down here until I was done with your momma's cleansing. It's dangerous for you to be near her now."

"B-b-but-"

"You need to learn to listen to me and obey. Or else I won't be able to help you."

Hot tears on her face. Her mother crying out.

"Momma!"

"Leave now, Tara!"

"She s-s-sounds b-b-bad."

"You've interrupted the cleansing, Tara. Of course she sounds bad. I have to get the evil out of her!"

Her mother's face, swollen and discolored. Her own screams, then her father's push sending her falling...the pain when she hit the stairs, fresh tears and her father flying through the air. Her mother's black eyes...

"Get out of here, girl! Now!" Running up the stairs. Stopping to look back. Her mother bowing her head, her father growing closer. He's smiling.

"You will be cleansed, my dear. I will beat that demon down." Shivering...he sounds happy.

"Please..." Her mother's whimper before the door slammed shut.]

Laughter. It took Tara a moment to realize that the sound was real, not a memory. She knew that laugh, and she rushed towards it. She had to see.

"Baby girl, y'all made a little light...just like your momma showed you." As Tara grew closer to the voice, dim light began to illuminate the room. Her mother looked exactly as she had the last time Tara had seen her. Tara swallowed.

"M-momma? Are you real?" Her mother laughed again, the sound making Tara's heart quiver.

"Come here, baby. See how real I am." Her mother's frail form grew closer, and Tara could feel that she was solid. *She's not cold, she's not cold, she's not cold* her mind chanted. Her shaking fingers reached out and her mother's grabbed hold, and she felt IT. The power. As the forgotten warmth of it spread over her, making her whole body tingle, tears began to slide down her face.

"It's really you." Her mother pulled her into her arms, and they stood for a moment in silence. Tara closed her eyes. When her mother had died, she had thought she would never feel safe again. Then Willow's arms, in a different way, made her feel protected and loved. Willow...the thought made her pull away.

"This is my test. Why here?" Her mother gave her a little almost smile.

"I'm not really sure. But I'm here to help you." Her mother took one quick look around and shivered.

"Momma, Daddy lied. W-we're not demons. Not even part." Tara was unaware that there was something of a question in her tone. Her mother's face clouded, misery permanently etched into its lines.

"It's not that simple, baby girl." Tara shook her head, mystified.

"I don't understand." Her mother gave her a sad sigh.

"It's the power, Tara. The women in our family have great power. They told me it was the demon in me. I knew I didn't feel evil. But I knew I could be, too. And I couldn't take the chance, baby. I couldn't take the chance." Tara shook her head in disbelief.

"You couldn't. You couldn't hurt anyone, ever." Her mother shook her head. Tara got another flash of her father flying through the air and her mother's obsidian eyes, like Willow's had been. She frowned uncertainly.

"There's so many things I wish I could tell you, Tara. But I can't. There's no time, and the test is about to begin." Tara felt a surge of frustration, but fought it back down. She had to remember she was here for one reason: to help Buffy.

"Tell me. What do I have to do?"

"You have to face somebody who knows you, maybe better than anyone ever has." Her mother paused to wipe sudden tears. "It'll become clear when you do. Don't let her confuse you. You have to know yourself, Tara. That's all the advice they'll let me give you. If you can do that, the Slayer will have your gift. If not..."

"I'm not sure I understand. Face someone who knows me? But you know me better than anyone." Her mother began to back away, tears shining in her eyes. The light dimmed as she retreated.

"I have to go, baby girl. They won't let me stay. Remember, know yourself. Then you'll know your enemy."

"No, Momma. Don't go!" Tara cried.

"I love you, Tara," her mother whispered.

"Is it W-willow?" Tara asked weakly in the near total darkness. Silence. Tara was beginning to hate the quiet she had once craved. She again clasped her hands over her ears to drown out the ghosts.

"...interrupted the cleansing...evil... I will beat that demon down..." Her father's voice echoed in her mind.

"Daddy was wrong, Momma. There's nothing evil about us," Tara whispered.

"Liar." Tara's breath quickened. She knew that voice. It tormented her in the dark almost every night.

"No," she moaned.

"Hey, it's okay," the voice soothed. Bright light flooded the room, and Tara looked into the eyes she had prayed she'd never see again. She was rooted to the spot.

"Glory...ummm, no, you're dead," Tara said stupidly. The blonde hellgoddess tossed her head and favored her with a cold, mocking smile.

"So's your mother, but you didn't mind getting a little visit from her, huh? And let's face it, when you suck a brain, you really get to know a person. I think it's time that you and me had a little girl talk." Glory began to stride toward her, and Tara's paralysis was gone. She bolted for the stairwell.

"Stay away from me!" she screamed. Tara tripped over her own feet and fell as she reached the stairs. As she lay sprawled against them, she was overwhelmed by a sense of déjà vu. Tara looked back and saw that Glory was making no move to follow her; instead, the hellgoddess was studying her manicured nails with casual interest. Tara simply stayed where she was, the harsh sound of her breathing loud in the small room.

"Please don't stop, sweetie. If I have my way, Blondie'll just stay dead, know what I'm saying?" Gathering herself, Tara rose shakily from the stairs and slowly crept back towards Glory. She tried to steady herself, reminded again of why she was here.

"Buffy."

"Little martyr." Glory made a face and went back to studying her bright red nails.

"This is about Buffy." Glory gave a short bitter laugh.

"This is about you, sweetie. All about you. The girl of the hour."

"I don't understand."

"Liar. I think you do. In fact I know you do. This is about who and what you are, honey. Ready for that?"

"Yes."

"Errrrr!" Glory yelled, whirling on her and imitating a game show buzzer. Tara instinctively backed up a step. "Another lie! That's three in less than a minute. At this rate your Slayer's gonna stay pretty dead. Which, when it comes right down to it, suits you just fine, doesn't it?" Tara just stared at her in shock.

"What?"

"Don't pretend, with me...I sucked your brain! I know what you really think about your so-called friends. You pretend to be so nice, so weak, but you can be strong, can't you? You are just chock ful of hate. I really like that about you."

"I...I....no..."

"That was articulate," Glory responded sarcastically. "Let me help you out. You hate your father for telling you that you were a demon, and you hate your momma for believing it. You hate all those kids who teased you about being a freak, including your idiot of a brother."

"I don't-" Tara began weakly, but Glory easily cut her off.

"And you hate Buffy Summers, because she's got a part of your witch lover that you never will. All that hate is like a great big power source, and you've got the juice. Pretty wild, huh? You're just afraid to use it."

"I don't have that kind of power." It came out as a whisper, as Glory was now standing in her face, so close that Tara felt unable to breathe.

"You do."

"I'm not a monster. I love my momma..."

"Never said you were a monster, sweet cakes. And as far as love goes, you know what they say, thin line, blah blah blah. I'm just saying that the darkness is what drives you. That's why you go off on your little witch friend the way you do."

"I love Willow," Tara said, sounding stronger. Glory just laughed.

"You resent the hell out of Willow for having the courage to do what you're too afraid to do. She has it, and she uses it. You waste it. You let me suck your brain, and you could have stopped me anytime, you know."

"You said you'd hurt people, I couldn't..."

"Like you cared about those people at all!"

"I do! I don't want bad things to happen to anyone."

"Really?" Glory grabbed Tara's chin with one hand. She slowly dragged the fingernails of her other hand back and forth across the side of Tara's face, her hand in the same position it had been in when she did the brain suck. Tara let out a shuddering gasp. "You sure about that, honey?"

Tara felt resentment build and overtake her terror. This was more than enough. She felt the rage grow, her fear and bitterness feeding it like kindling on a fire. She never saw her eyes turn black, but Glory did. Her smile was triumphant.

"Stay. Out. Of. My. Head." Tara growled and flicked both of her wrists forward. Energy flew from her fingertips and Glory flew backwards, landing with a crash. Tara moved towards her as the hellgoddess sprang immediately to her feet. She assumed a defensive posture, clearly expecting another attack. Tara simply moved in close to her and looked her in the eye. Glory looked puzzled when Tara began to speak in a measured tone.

"Maybe I do hate sometimes. Maybe I do resent my family, and maybe I even resent Willow's friends for having a part of her I don't. And maybe I want to kill you for what you did to me. I know I do, in fact. But you know what else? I love my family. I love Willow with all my heart; her smile has more power behind it than all the dark magick in the world. I love Giles and Dawnie and Xander and Anya...and Buffy. They're all my family. Buffy Summers is the best friend of my best friend, and she sacrificed her life to save the world. She stopped you, and she hurt you. And I'm sorry for you, that you couldn't get home, but that's how it had to be."

"I know you don't feel sorry for me," Glory said petulantly.

"Liar. You sucked my brain, all of it. You wanted me to believe that the dark was all there was, but we both know that I chose the light. I'll always choose the light, just like Buffy did."

Glory didn't disappear all at once, but kind of faded slowly from her sight. Tara smiled as she felt her mother's arms around her once more.

"What's going to happen to her now?" she asked. Her mother grinned.

"I see you've found your gift, baby girl. I don't know what's going to happen to her, but I know it will be what she deserves." Tara nodded.

"I'm going to leave now, aren't I?" Her mother smiled sadly.

"As soon as you speak your gift."

"I don't want to go. It's not enough time." Tara marveled at her own eagerness to stay in this place that had been the source of so many nightmares. *Those ghosts can't hurt me anymore.*

"One day we'll have nothing but time, honey. Give the gift you have for the Slayer." Tara took a deep breath, her eyes shining.

"My gift is compassion," she called out clearly to the ether, and a moment later she felt herself fade away.