Title: Hello Goodbye (11/12) - Xander

Author: Jeffrey Patrick

Description: The Scooby Gang must undergo seperate trials in order to bring the Slayer back to life.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a straw hat and some head cheese. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Buffy and all related characters. I simply bow to their superior wisdom.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Xander ran his left thumb over the sore knuckles of his right hand. He had forgotten that vamps didn't go down so easily. He glanced at his watch. It was eight minutes to midnight. The test would begin soon. "Great," he said to himself. "I always do so well with tests. Ugh!"

Anya smiled at him just as he turned his attention back to Giles. He was frustrated and not just a little scared. He tried to listen to Giles, but it only made the chance for Buffy to return seem that much more bleak. He glanced at Willow and Tara. They were as scared as he was. He gave a slight smile before looking to Cordelia. She grinned at him weakly. He missed her. Not in a "I want to play naked Twister with you" kind of way, but in a "I've missed having you attack my manliness, because it always made me smile" kind of way.

Anya tensed. He knew she was a little jealous, but she shouldn't have been. He loved her. Nothing would change that. For a moment, the night that Buffy died, he thought he had lost his love. He had watched in horror as debris rained down on her from the construction site turned battleground. He remembered shouting her name in a panic, not sure if she would ever say his again. He found her, battered but breathing, and his heart rejoiced.

Only moments later, he cradled her in his arms, looking down at Buffy's lifeless body. It was then that it had happened. A thought spilled into his head that he had cursed himself for ever since. It had eaten away at him... tortured him until it exploded out as rage. Spike had been taking the physical side of it. The rest of the gang had been forced to deal with his mouth. He caught the last part of Giles' warning and felt compelled to reply.

"That's it, Giles, from now on you don't get to make the big pre-battle speech, because you're..."

There was a flash of light. "... officially up for the award for the redundancy of the year award for redundancy." Suddenly, the view around him had changed. Anya was gone, as were the others. He stood among the rubble of the Master's lair. He looked at his watch, and rolled his eyes. "My watch was slow. That figures."

"Sure it's just your watch that's slow?"

Xander immediately recognized the voice. He scanned the rubble for a makeshift stake. Not finding one he relied on charm. Turning to face his guest, he put on a warm smile. "Jesse, old pal, how are you?"

"Relax, Xan. It's me, the real Jesse. I'm not that stupid monster that you had to dust."

"How can I know that for sure?" Xander asked, taking a step closer to the pile of rubble to his right.

"Hmm. You could put a piece of wood through my heart." He turned his back as he spoke. Xander grabbed a broken piece of board and shoved it through his heart from behind.

Jesse turned, looking startled. "Ow! I was only kidding! Jeez!"

"On the plus side," Xander pointed out, "you didn't poof."

Jesse pulled the board out from the front. He was completely whole. Even his shirt was unharmed. "Nice to know you won't be breaking out the Dirt Devil."

"So," Xander said, obviously feeling uncomfortable. "You're really..."

"Yeah."

Xander took a step forward, as though he considered embracing his old friend but then quickly looked away. "I'm sorry, man... for everything that happened."

Jesse grinned. "It all good, man. I was dead the moment I starting chatting up that Darla chick."

"I should've been there."

"You were. You were there to see that the demon who was wearing my face paid for making me dance with Cordelia."

Xander smiled. "You liked her."

"So did you. Death has it's advantages, my friend. I know she dug you back for a while."

Xander sat down Indian-style on the hard ground. "That's history."

"I know," Jesse said, sitting next to him. "Anya is quite the hottie. A bit strange but..."

"Jesse," Xander interrupted. "What's my test?"

Jesse smiled at him. "Relax. This isn't Ms. Berlutti's Chem class. You'll do fine."

Xander ran his right hand through his hair. "But what's the test?"

"Well, I have to show you something," Jesse said. "After I do, you have to make a decision. As long as you pay attention, you'll do fine."

Xander stared at the ground and nodded weakly.

"Xan," Jesse said. "It was a human response."

Xander looked at him. He was obviously perplexed. "What do you...?"

"The thought."

Xander looked away again. "You can read my mind?"

"No. The Powers showed me."

"I don't want to talk about it." Xander picked up a small piece of rubble and hurled it across the Master's lair.

"Yes, you do," Jesse said softly. "Buffy was dead. You were just..."

"Glad it was her instead of Anya!" Xander shouted, standing to his feet and kicking over a dust covered chair. Jesse remained silent watching his friend's chest rise and fall with his heavy breathing. He could almost hear Xander's heart pounding. Xander turned to face him. Tears ran down his face. "I was glad, Jesse. I was glad it was her. I knew."

"You knew what?"

"That someone wouldn't make it. That we wouldn't all make it out. And when I saw her... I was glad that it was her... and not Anya." He closed his eyes and let the tears flow. Jesse stood to his feet.

"Xander, Anya is like a part of you... It's only natural that you were glad she survived. You didn't want Buffy dead. You've saved her life yourself plenty of times. It was a human response. Buffy knows that you love her, Xan. She counts on you and Giles way more than she would ever admit."

Xander wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't you see? Every man in her life, except for you and stuck-up-British-guy, has walked out on her. Her dad did. Pike did. Angel did. Riley did. They all leave... except for the two of you."

"Who's Pike?"

"Forget I mentioned him. Look, Xan, the bottom line is... she needed you in life, and she needs you now. It's up to you to figure out how to help her. Ready to take a little trip?"

Xander closed his eyes, putting away his fear. "Let's do this."

The Master's lair faded from site.

Xander looked around him. There was darkness all around save for the tiniest pinprick of light. "Where are we?" he asked.

"The Inbetween," Jesse said softly. "A place between dimensions where anything is possible... as long as you have access to that." Jesse pointed to the fragment of light that hovered alone in the darkness.

"What is that?"

"The key. The Powers control it now. The danger has passed. It can be used by the white hats now."

Xander stepped closer to it. Somehow he knew that his perspective was skewed... like he was high above it all looking down. "Dawn?"

"Not now, no. But with the key, the Powers are offering you a unique chance."

"Which is?"

"The power to make a difference. To really be someone. It's a comic book junkie's dream come true."

Xander put his hand on his old friend's shoulder. "In English, Kemosabe. Use small words with three syllables or less."

"You. As. Spider-man." Jesse said. "Or James Bond. Or Brody from Mallrats, if you think he can make a difference."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about endless possibilities. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret." Xander leaned in close. "There are millions of other dimensions."

"Right," Xander said. "That's where the demons come from."

"Sometimes, yes," Jesse admitted. "But there are parallel worlds to ours. There are earths that share common elements down to our Texas president but have other elements that are far different."

Xander looked at the key. "And Dawn has access to those? How does that help Buffy?"

"The Powers don't over share, but let's look at what I do know. There is one beginning reality... let's call that one Earth Prime. Every creative idea they have mirrors something that exists on one of these alternate worlds. Now, it may be that they think of these things and new worlds are born from their ideas. Or maybe when they create, they somehow tap into these other worlds. I don't know about all that. But on Earth Prime, everyone knows about Buffy."

"You mean they know about her being the Slayer?"

"Yeah. She has her own TV show and everything."

"Really?"

"Yep. Tuesdays at 7 central. UPN. Grr. Argh."

"UPN?"

Jesse shrugged. "I can't get a clear look into the future there, so I can't promise that if they bring her back to life there that it will happen here as well."

"You have 'but' face. Spill."

"You could start over. The Powers will let you go to any of these worlds and find a destiny for yourself as an honest-to-God hero. You could be Spider-man, like I said. There are several worlds full of superheroes and villains. You could be a Jedi, or a Highlander. Heck, you could be Bill Gates and buy off anyone who wants to hurt her. Whoever you are, you can come back before the fight with Glory. You may be able to save her single-handedly. You could be the hero."

"The hero," Xander repeated.

"You know it," Jesse said, patting him on the back. "And all you have to do is decide who you wanna be. It could be that not all of your options would be helpful. Your test is to make the right decision."

"Can I think about this?"

"Sure," Jesses said. "Time is relative here."

Xander began to pace. He always did that when he was pondering something important. He pictured himself in heroic moments... spinning a web to catch a thief, or throwing a star-spangled shield. Then he imagined himself as a Cold War spy with gadgets galore. "C'mon Xander," he thought to himself. "You've always wanted to be the hero. Think! Who would help Buffy the most?"

Hours passed... maybe even days for all Xander knew. He had long given up trying to picture the possibilities. There were far too many to choose from. Instead, he focused on Buffy and what she needed. They had gotten closer over the past year, reestablishing the bond they had lost her first year in college. When her mom had died, he felt it sharply, both because he missed Joyce and because he could almost feel Buffy's heart breaking. They had made it through together. He, Willow and Buffy had a friendship like none other he had ever seen.

Memories flooded his mind. He saw himself in that big, puffy training suit being embraced by Buffy. He saw them with Willow on the dance floor of the Bronze, dancing themselves dizzy. The images came rapidly, flooding his senses. For an instant, he was there... living in each of those moments... and when they ended, he knew.

"I made my decision," Xander said, stepping back toward Jesse who had been waiting silently. "I'm ready."

"Good," Jesse said, shoving him playfully. "It sure took you long enough. What's your flavor?"

"I wanna be me," Xander said flatly. "No powers. No costumes. No gadgets, and sadly, no girls."

"What?" Jesse seemed guenuinely confused. "Why not?"

Xander grinned. It was his first real smile since Buffy died. "Because I figured it out. Buffy doesn't need a hero. She IS a hero."

"Then what does she need?"

"You said it yourself. She needs ME. She needs my humanity. My brain ran through nearly every moment I spent with her, including that moment when I looked down at her broken body. Maybe if I had a superpower... or some special skill... I could have kept her from dying then. I could've beaten Glory. But..."

"But what?"

"Maybe if I was someone else, I never would have made her smile. Maybe someone else wouldn't have been able to cry with her when her mom died. Maybe a hero couldn't send her crashing back down to reality the way I have to sometimes. A hero would consider her an equal. To me... she's Buffy. She's amazing. I love her. She and Willow and I... even Giles... we're family. She doesn't need a hero. She needs me."

"Is that your final answer?" Jesse asked.

Xander raised his eyebrows.

"The one thing all those worlds have in common," Jesse said. "Regis. Go figure."

"I'm sure of my answer," Xander said. "What happens next?"

Jesse stuck out his hand. "We say goodbye."

Xander shook his hand before pulling him into a hug. "Jesse, if I could have..."

"I know, man," Jesse said. "I know."

Jesse faded from view leaving Xander momentarily alone in the darkness. Then, as he himself began to fade, he felt cool lips against his cheek. He turned and saw her for the briefest of moments before she was gone.

"Buffy!"

Even as he called to her, he realized he was back in the Magic Box. Giles and the others cast glances back and forth. The clock on the wall showed that it was midnight. Without speaking a word, they all knew the tests had already taken place. One by one, they discussed their tests, marvelling at one another's stories. Xander paid no attention to them. His mind kept rolling over what he saw in the Inbetween. He didn't know how long they had been talking, or even that anyone was addressing him until Giles placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Xander?" Giles repeated. "You haven't spoke a word since the testing. Not even to Anya. Did... did you fail the test?"

"I saw her," Xander said, a single tear plunging from his chin. "I saw her, Giles."

"Y-you saw... her?" Willow repeated. Dawn stepped over to him with tears in her eyes, and took his hand. There was a silence for a few moments. Giles was the first to break it.

"You saw... Buffy?"

Xander nodded slowly. "I could feel her...see her. Guys..."

They all stared at him waiting to hear two very beautiful words. He didn't leave them wanting.

"She's alive."