Title: Living In Twilight

Author: Jeanny

Spoilers: Season 6 through Flooded

Rating: PG

Feedback: Yes, please! jeannygrrl@hotmail.com

Distribution: Go ahead, I don't mind, just credit me and tell me where it's going.

Disclaimer: Joss & Co. owns all these people, demons, creatures, etc. I'm only playing with them.

Summary: Spike finds out Buffy's gone to meet Angel and decides it's time to confront Willow about a few things.

*****

Willow smiled to herself as she dried another dinner plate. Buffy had rushed right out after Angel's call, just as she had hoped. Her friend was still so closed off and distant after her rescue from Hell; she had confided nothing about the experience. Willow had deduced the reason. None of them could possibly understand what she had been through. Angel had been through a similar experience, though, and they loved each other still. When Buffy came back, she'd be more like herself. Willow was sure of it. Giles was wrong about her being damaged, just like he was wrong about everything else. Willow had done everything right. She reached into the soapy water and pulled out another glass...and someone grabbed her from behind. The glass slipped from her hand and shattered as her attacker spun her around to face him. Willow gasped in surprise and relief.

"Spike! What-"

"Where is she?" he growled, his voice low and dangerous. There was so much pain in his eyes that she instinctively reached out with her free hand to touch his shoulder. He shook her hand off angrily. "The Slayer. Where is she?"

"She's gone." Seeing his pained reaction, she quickly clarified, "'Away on a trip' gone, not 'gone' gone."

"Gone where?"

"She's meeting Angel. Let me go, Spike." Spike released Willow's hand immediately, and backed away. She went to grab a broom and a dustpan to clean up the broken glass, missing the golden flash of jealousy in Spike's eyes.

"Really?" Spike asked in a deceptively light tone. "The Slayer called Angel?" Willow took a deep breath before meeting the vampire's gaze coolly.

"No, I called him. He was really amazed to learn she was, you know, alive. They talked on the phone and now they're meeting...somewhere. I don't have details." Inwardly Spike was seething. It was high time he had some words with the witch, but he didn't want to have any witnesses. He had seen what overhearing Giles and Willow's argument had done to Buffy.

"Where's Dawn?" Spike asked in that same light tone. Willow frowned at the change of subject. She'd expected Spike to have more to say about Buffy and Angel. She was sure that Spike still had a crush on Buffy. It wasn't good for either of them to be working together under those circumstances. Maybe this reminder that Buffy still loves Angel, will always love Angel, would make him realize that it was hopeless and he had to move on. She swept up the broken glass and dumped it in the trash as she replied.

"Dawn went with Tara and Giles to go rent some movies. She got a good score on her history test so she earned a vid night." Spike nodded slowly. As Willow brushed past him he grabbed her arm again, gently enough to keep the chip from giving him more than a slight twinge.

"So let me make sure I've got all this. You called Angel. Behind the Slayer's back. You decided it was time for them to meet." Willow pulled away from him, grimacing at the implication.

"No! That's not how it...God, you make it sound like I'm trying to run Buffy's life or something."

"Well, it's yours to run now, isn't it pet? You're the one who gave it to her, after all. She's yours to play with, like a toy," Spike insisted. Willow stared at him open-mouthed for a moment.

"What are you talking about?"she finally sputtered. Spike smirked.

"I may have a chip in my head but I do know what it's like, Will. Life and death in your hands. The rush of power." Willow bit her lip, frowning.

"You're comparing what I did for Buffy to being...you? You don't know what you're talking about, Spike. The two are as different as...well, two really different things. I did...what I did because my friend was suffering in hell. I couldn't leave her. I risked...I had to...I'm not going to talk about this, not to you."

"Sorry," Spike said insolently, his tone saying the opposite. "I'd have thought you'd want to talk to someone who understands how it is. I've been watching you, you know. Biting my tongue about things because, frankly, I don't want to spend my immortal unlife as a vampire newt."

"What? I wouldn't do that," Willow said, not quite meeting his eyes. Spike clucked his tongue.

"You'd do that and worse in a heartbeat and you know it. For a good enough reason. So what what would make you do horribly unpleasant things to old Spike? Would you do it to protect your friends?"

"You can't hurt them," she said in a small voice. It was almost a question, and Spike smiled. Getting even the slightest bit of fear from any of them was an infrequent treat.

"But if I could?" he pressed.

"If you hurt the people I love I'd stop you. If I could, I would, sure," she answered, her eyes wide and innocent, her chin raised defiantly but wavering. Still playing at being the meek little mouse she was years ago. Maybe she didn't know any other way to be. Or maybe she instinctively understood that keeping her darker nature hidden was to her advantage. Spike nodded to himself. That was the way of these things. But it was time to get serious and see if he could bring the truth to light.

"What about to protect yourself?" He walked around to the other side of the counter and leaned against it casually. His eyes were glittering in a way that made Willow frown in apprehension. "What if I decided to go around to all your friends and tell them what I've seen? Your little late night forays into the woods, for instance. What if I was gonna tell them all about those little spells you've been doing in the dark and hiding from everyone?" Willow's face had flushed then gone deathly pale. She gripped the edge of the counter as she fought down shock and panic. No one knew about those spells, and she had placed a ward against vampires...how could Spike know?

Spike was taking a calculated risk, of course. He'd heard gossip at Willy's about strange happenings in the woods. He had seen her leave late at night and creep back into the house shortly before dawn. But he had never followed her, preferring to stay near the house in case Dawn needed him. He had no idea if the two things were really connected, but from her expression he knew he had guessed right.

"They'd never believe you," she said shakily. Spike shrugged with feigned disinterest.

"Maybe. Maybe not. The Watcher might, I think." Willow's fingers whitened as she dug them into the edge of the countertop, then she suddenly relaxed. She met his eyes, her face impassive but her eyes full of cold fury. Spike maintained his steady gaze, but his stomach tightened.

"Stay away from Giles. He's just...it's gonna take some time for him to come around. But he will. And if you're seriously thinking about telling what you think you know...to him or anyone else..." She hesitated.

"Yes..." he said in a low voice, His body tensed, waiting for her threat and totally ready to duck behind the counter if he'd pushed her too far.

"It would be a really bad idea," she said finally, her voice carefully neutral. Spike relaxed, matching her expression and tone.

"Then I guess that's the answer." Willow turned back to the sink as if just remembering she was doing the dishes for the first time. She put her hands back into the now cold dishwater, mumbling something. Spike would be willing to bet that the water was now hot.

"The others will be here any minute. You're welcome to stay, but I need to finish cleaning up from dinner..." Willow said lightly, not looking at him. She was back into her friendly nice girl mode, trying to pretend that the last few moments hadn't happened.

"No, I think I'll be going now. Said my piece for tonight."

"Wait. Spike." Willow left the sink and faced him; her eyes were brimming with tears.

"Are you gonna? Tell Buffy or Giles what you saw?" She looked so small and confused, her wet hands dripping on the floor, her eyes about to drip as well. Spike speculated that if he had been Xander Harris he'd be on his knees right now begging her forgiveness. But that wasn't what the girl really needed.

"I won't let Buffy get hurt anymore," he answered coldly. Willow flinched as if he had slapped her.

"I'm not hurting Buffy! I'm not hurting anyone, and I won't." she cried.

"Course not! You're one of the good guys, right?" he said with just an edge of sarcasm. "Listen to me good, Will. You've let in the darkness, and you think you can handle it, control it, bend it to your will. But it doesn't work like that. It's going to take you over if you don't have the sense to stop, and I don't think you will." He eyed her head to toe in a way that made her squirm. "Evil knows its own, pet. You've got it all over you."

"I'm not evil," Willow choked, tears now spilling down her cheeks. Spike couldn't help but pity her.

"True. Not yet," he said. He spoke his final piece as he strode to the back door. "Personally, I don't care if you go all evil. Raise hell, I'd actually enjoy it. But I do care about is Buffy. For her sake, I suggest you stop fiddling with dark magicks. Before she has to stop you."

Willow stood frozen in the kitchen, hearing the door shut behind the vampire. Lost in thought, she didn't move until she heard the sounds of Dawn giggling and the front door opening. Wiping at her tears, she said a quick spell to finish the dishes and clean the kitchen. The spell completed doing its work a split second before Tara walked in.

"Honey? Everything okay?" Wordlessly Willow buried her head on Tara's shoulder and felt the warmth of the girl's arms holding her. Willow held on as if her life depended on it until she could feel Tara shift in growing alarm. The redhead broke reluctantly out of the comforting embrace and managed a smile.

"I'm okay. I was just thinking...too many thoughts. And I missed you." Tara smiled back and gave her a quick kiss.

"Well, I think we have the cure for over-thinkage. Dawn wanted something silly, so Giles rented all the Monty Python movies at the store..." As Tara prattled on about their outing, Willow's eyes were drawn to the window. She stared at her reflection in the glass for a moment. She didn't look any different. She didn't look remotely dark or evil. That had to mean something.

Shifting her vision she could make out peroxide blonde hair and a lit cigarette. Blue eyes met her green ones as they measured each other again. It would be so easy to deal with him. There were a thousand spells...

"Willow?" Tara touched her shoulder lightly, and Willow jumped as if she had been burned. "Where were you?" her lover asked with soft concern. Willow shook her head, rattled by her own thoughts.

"Sorry. Stupid thoughts, still making with the wandering. It's not important," she said, then laughed with false heartiness. "Hey, we can't be holding up vid night here! Can we watch Holy Grail first?" Arms wrapped around each other, the two witches left to join the others.

Outside under a tree, Spike smoked his cigarette. And watched the darkness.

*****